Chapter 18
"All sorrows are less with bread." - Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra
Once more, all four girls were practically tackling each other as their feet slapped on the stairs. Cathy in front Gwen on her heels with Alisa and Alysa bringing up the rear. All four excitedly clamoring at once with:
"He touched you!"
"You touched him!"
"I thought he was going to kiss you, Ery!"
"Are you in love with him?"
That last one from Alysa. The girl looked a little worried despite her excitement. Of course she would. Cross race relationships weren't something prevalent in South Yard society.
"He did," Erdene answered gently as she walked past them to the plate of food left on the table covered by a napkin for her. "And I did. I don't know if I love him, but I like him a lot." So much more than just a lot. She wanted to see where he went home to every day and where he slept and where he ate and she wanted to see if maybe there was space for her there. If he would let her carve out a small spot in his life where she could be with him. If he had time for her between waking and sleeping where they could be together.
Cathy squealed, bouncing on her toes. "Does he give you butterflies?"
Oh so many butterflies. Her stomach was swimming with the fluttering. Thorin. Thorin. Thorin! He made her heartbeat race and her always busy brain go blank. He made her fall into the blue pools he called eyes with absolutely no desire to come up for air. It was so much more, so much stronger than paltry butterflies.
He made her want to scream sappy love song lyrics from the roof.
Maybe…maybe tomorrow she would sing for him. Maybe.
All four girls were watching her with different expressions ranging from suppressed laughter to barely contained giggles.
Erdene waved her hands at all of them. "Stop that! It's new." So very new. But it fit like an old well loved pair of gloves. "And I don't want to talk about it." She couldn't wipe the grin from her face.
Christ almighty.
The way he said her name. Her stomach and heartbeat did somersaults just remembering the way those blue eyes of his looked at her not ten minutes ago. Like he wanted nothing more than her. Just her. The intensity of Thorin. Just…ugh.
And somehow the universes collided to bring them together. How was she supposed to match that intensity in him? Or maybe she wasn't supposed to match it but temper it?
She was a water sign. Technically she had the most powerful element on earth backing her up. Maybe she could get as intense as he could? Was he an earth sign, fire sign, air sign or water as well? There probably wasn't a zodiac here so did it matter?
Either way, "okay, okay, you four need to go to bed." Grumbling and groaning ensued. Teenagers. "Go on, all of you. And I still expect you to have your homework done and handed in by tomorrow evening."
More grumbling and groaning. Loud enough to wake Warren. Which no one realized at the time.
"But I thought," Alisabeth said as they came up to the second floor landing, "that you didn't want to be married."
Erdene sighed, there was still so much work to do with these girls if they thought interest would lead to marriage. "I never said I don't want to get married or have kids. I said I wanted to wait until I found someone who wanted me for me."
"He does?" Gwen asked.
"I believe he does." Erdene replied. "And I like him, I like being around him." Finally she allowed her hand to reach up and gently touch the clips in her hair. "I think he likes me too." More than just like. Every one of the girls was looking at her with far away dream-like stars in their eyes. "Enough about me! Stop that."
They rolled their eyes collectively at her and called goodnight to one another and her.
Erdene went into her room to drop her violin and coat. Her food set to the side. She went to the looking glass and took a look at the clips Thorin placed in her hair. He'd hesitated for just a moment before he stepped closer to her and put them in. For the tiniest second there he looked at her like he was hungry. It was gone behind that damn stoic mask of his the next moment.
Then he told her he was royal. He told her he can't be free with his emotions the way she could be. He said her name like- She felt the color spread from her chest up to her scalp and down to her toes. Thorin said her name like he knew what she looked like naked. Given they were dreaming about one another, he probably did.
The pins were so carefully made and they were strong enough to hold back her hair. Her unruly, irritatingly chaotic curls from her father's side of the family. Thorin made pins specifically for her hair.
That meant something.
It had to.
Reluctantly Erdene removed the pins from her hair. They were small, each one the length of her thumb from knuckle to tip, while the flowers, which he'd beveled and carved to resemble the white dip and the yellow center of a forget me not were the size of the first pad of her middle finger.
Did it mean something that he gave them to her? Should it? It felt like it meant something. There was only one way to find out. She was going to have to ask.
The smell of her own sweat is familiar, stale as it is on her dirty skin. They bathed in Laketown not a week ago. It feels like a lifetime ago.
There is a big hand covering her mouth to stop her shout of surprise. His hand smells like singed cloth, his hair sticks to her skin as he too stares at the horror before them. Bodies. Decaying, cobwebbed, their clothes tattered and ruined, flesh desiccated, darkened leathery and gray. She pushes away from him, and in his shock, Thorin lets her go.
She vomits against the wall, away from the bodies.
Away from the company.
The way out is smashed to rubble, but she knew it would be. Erdene wipes the back of her right wrist across her mouth as poor Ori, shocked and trembling Ori, offers her what little water they have left. Guiltily, Erdene pushes his hand away, "no," she whispers with a small shake of her head.
Shy, sweet Ori frowns deeply at her and pushes the skin back into her hand, "for the baby."
Everything was for the baby. Since Gandalf opened his big fucking mouth. These idiot dwarves and one hobbit turned into the big brothers she never asked for. Extra rations when they couldn't spare them in Mirkwood (No, you give that to Thorin, he's our leader, he needs that more than I do. I swear to god Bombur I will throw up on you, get that food out of my face!). No more watch shifts (Excuse you? No, I want my regular - oh for fuck's sake Dwalin. If your head wasn't as hard as a dang rock I'd- don't laugh at me asshole.). One of them is always behind, beside and before her on the road (You're our queen lassie, our pregnant queen at that.).
It's useless to argue. If she doesn't take it, Ori will hand it to Nori who will hand it off to Dori who will mother hen her into just drinking the damn water.
So she takes it. She sips twice, taking very little water with each tip of the leather. It's enough to make him nod when she hands it back with a small, tired, worried, and weary, "thank you."
The few drops she swallowed feel like lead in her stomach.
She tries to keep her eyes on the floor while Dwalin and Balin speak. But they are everywhere and they are talking and she has to put her hands over her ears because every single person who died in this room-
"They're still here," she closes her eyes and tries to drown out the sound of a hundred souls crying out to the one person who can hear them. "They're all still here and they know I can hear them." They're all speaking at once, a cacophony of voices in her ears.
My husband Ru-
Did you see my daughter Fa-
How long has it been? Do you know?
My mother, she was right behind me-
Has it been that long?
Mahal forgive-
Please, can you help me, my daughter-
My son Va-
This cannot be Thorin son of Thrain, he's so ol-
My baby, did anyone find my baby?
My mother, she was right behind me-
Dwalin, Balin, they look so old…
The dragon-
The dragon-
The dragon-
Thorin's chest blocks her view of ghostly faces, his big hands, always so warm on her skin, pull her against his chest. He cradles the back of her head, his other arm wrapped around her waist. "Breathe Erdene, breathe, for me." He murmurs against her forehead, kissing her right temple, cradling her and blocking the ghosts of his kin with his body. "Leave her be." Thorin commands and for a moment she thinks he's so silly.
Ghosts don't listen when they're this wound up.
But these do.
They are Durins Folk. They are his blood, his kin, and he is their ruler.
Her shoulders shake as she presses harder against him, burying her face in his shoulder and neck.
She can feel him looking around, whether he is looking for any sign of what she sees or is taking in the sheer horror of what surrounds the company, Erdene has no idea. She only feels him move.
"We will not die like this." Thorin smooths one hand down her back, from shoulder to the base of her spine and back up. Erdene lifts her head, searching his eyes and face with a gaze blurry with tears. He presses his forehead to hers, "my wife, our child will not die like this, cowering clawing for breath."
Erdene nods once, wiping at her eyes. She's supposed to be their queen damn it. "The forges."
Thorin squeezed her once more before letting go. "Aye, we make for the forges."
Dwalin's fist squeezed, gripping his axe tightly. "He'll see us, sure as death."
"If we split up, he won't be able to catch anyone." Erdene added, turning to face them all as Balin took the barest of steps forward.
He looked between his king and queen, "we'll never make it."
"We'll make it," she assured them all. "We all will."
"Lead him to the forges," Thorin went on, "we kill the dragon or we die trying."
Once a rough plan was set in place, and everyone was certain of their role, Thorin turns to her once more.
"Stay here," Thorin presses his lips to her forehead, "please, don't argue."
For once, Erdene didn't. Doesn't. She pushes up on her toes, planting a kiss on his lips. "You come back to me alive."
He returns the kiss with equal fervor. Thorin's hand tangling in her curls, stroking her neck. "What was it you told me? Death cannot stop true love. Only delay it a little."
The fifth bell pulled Erdene from sleep, moss green eyes taking in her surroundings. The bastard quoted The Princess Bride at her.
Valis woke in the early morning Tuesday to a dark room, blinking around in the darkness with a sense of it being just about time to wake, but not quite yet. What had woken her? She turned over, grimacing at the empty spot in the bed next to her. He came to her again in her dreams and this time, for the first time, they were in Erebor.
She hadn't known the quarters, but they felt familiar. As if she'd known them for a long time. There were portraits on the wall, the family line on the wall behind him as he spoke to her. Beside her portrait was a portrait of her husband, and beneath them both were two portraits of dwarflings.
In the dream Valis and her husband were arguing the way Valis' parents used to argue. The way Zarin and Harjl argued these days. Grouching at each other without any real anger. He'd tched at her, grumpy and grumbling and - Mahal's breath - how she adored that dwarf. The strength of her own feelings got the better of her for a single breath.
And there were dwarflings. At least two, that clung to her skirts and giggled as if their parents arguing was nothing at all.
They would have no children if he didn't appear soon. Her chest ached and a sob lodged itself in her throat.
Distracting herself, Valis sat up in bed, sighing sadly.
The queen spoils you. He'd groused at her.
She'd put a fist on her left hip, grabbed his beard with her right - such a lovely full beard! - and pulled his face down so they were eye to eye. Aye, she does, but she is also my friend.
Did the dream mean Valis friends with the queen of Erebor? How would she manage something like that? Her own family was distantly related to the throne, but that was by marriage. Her mother was the sister of Thrain's wife Fírdea. They hadn't been friend.
The dreams also implied Thorin would marry eventually, and take back Erebor one day. Mahal be praised. Valis would have happily closed her family business in South Yard to move back to her home in the halls of the Lonely Mountain.
Plink-tap
Valis' brow drew together, her gaze going to her window. What was-
Plink-tap-tap
The wooden floor was frosty beneath her bare feet - her slippers were on the other side of the bed again - but she bore it to pull back the curtain slightly. A pebble, perhaps the size of the edge of her forefinger's nail hit her window. Plink and it fell to the wooden windowsill below, tap. Still slightly sleep addled, Valis glared at the pebbles for another moment before a hushed, harsh, familiar voice called from below.
"Valis!"
Now that managed to set her mind going and her eyes took in the form of Erdene standing below with a white wrapped package stained with oil. Had the lass gone to the bakery? What in the name of the Maker?
Valis pulled on a robe and donned her slippers before padding down the stairs and waving the girl around toward the back door and alley entrance to the side of the shop.
"Um…so I brought some tea cakes and a couple of scones and a cinnamon muffin." Erdene held out the wrapped package with a guilty grimace. "Also, I appreciate you and everything you've told me and helped me with. I'm sorry I woke you up. But…"
Valis ushered the girl into the front room, pulling and locking the door behind her. "But?"
"What does it mean if he gives you something?"
Blinking, Valis watched the girl having never seen her excited or as happy as she was. "He gave you…what did he give you?"
Grinning like a mad woman Erdene indicated the pins in her hair. In the semi-dark Valis eyes were as good as they were in the full light. Forget me nots. Oh. Oh. Oh! She sucked in a breath. A thread of excitement sharply tugged her toward fully awake now. "Oh, lass," at least someone would have their one. Valis took one of Erdene's hands in hers, squeezing it gently, "he accepted your request."
Head tilting, Erdene blinked at her in the candle light. "Accepts my request? I didn't ask for anything."
If she hadn't asked to be courted then why would he give her something like flowers of the mountain? A hairpin no less. Bold one he was, expecting her to wear his favor in her hair before he even asked her to court. But, then, Erdene was not dwarrow. She wouldn't know their customs, as evidenced by the girl being here before the shop was even open to ask something a dam would already know. Valis had, until that exact moment, believed Erdene's one would be helping the girl navigate the steps toward courtship.
Now she knew better. Blowing out a puff of breath. "Come, upstairs, this is going to be a long talk. Luck was with you this morning, Ery, I wasn't going to open today, too much work."
Then Erdene did something that surprised Valis to no end. The girl threw her arms around Valis and hugged her tight. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"
A hug. When was the last time she'd had one? Careful of her own strength, Valis squeezed Erdene back. "Aye, I'm sure, let's go upstairs and warm those tea cakes."
Once the tea cakes were warmed and the upstairs flat was cheery with the heat of the hearth, Valis asked Erdene to explain. When the girl was done, "You gave him pipeweed?" Gaping at the girl, Valis cleared her throat. "Erdene…"
Of course the child wouldn't know. She wasn't dwarrow. She wasn't born into their society. "Well I hope you wanted to court with him because I've no doubt he'll be asking sooner rather than later."
A vibrant red blush stained Erdene's skin. "Oh…well I'm not against that." She bit her lower lip and toyed absently with the crumbs of a tea cake still sitting on her plate. "So if the pipeweed is a request, I'm guessing it's a request to be courted?"
Valis drained her tea. "It is. You gifted him something for his comfort. It shows you care about him." Mahal's breath. This woman! "Lass, I thought he was helping you figure out what not to do?"
Large gray eyes met hers. "No. I liked him from afar. Now…now that I know we're supposed to be together it's a little awkward. I'm only part dwarrow, I don't-"
Valis' cup slapped down on the table. "You're what?"
Erdene's gaze dropped. "I…my dad is about this tall." She moved her hand to his approximate height before allowing her arm to drop back to her side. "I never knew him, and everyone here always thought I might be. And then I went to talk to Harjl and Zarin the other night because I had questions. Harjl told me only dwarrow have the dreams. So…if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck," Erdene shrugged, picking at the edge of her plate. "Must be a duck."
Of all the things Erdene expected Valis to do, laughing like a hyena was not at the top. Didn't even make the top twenty. "Where did you hear such a thing? Have they never heard of a platypus?" Valis demanded with a howl of laughter. "Durin's great sword, Ery!"
Giggles erupting from her throat, Erdene joined in. "You're ridiculous."
"Oh aye, but I'm not the one calling myself a duck now am I?" Valis shook her head, "I expect you'll be courting before the end of the month and if he has any brains at all he'll have you married by Yule."
Yule. The pagan holiday the Christians adopted as Christmas. A spike of mixed anxiety and happiness went through her. Married to Thorin by Christmas? Would they have a white wedding? Did dwarves do weddings? Valis said a while ago she would make Erdene's wedding dress so they probably did do marriage and weddings.
"What else did he say, leave nothing out." Valis prompted leaning over her half eaten cake and mostly empty cup of tea.
Erdene chewed her lower lip for a moment before, "Um…so I kind of grabbed his hand and told him I wanted to know how warm he was?"
The screeching sound Valis made at the back of her throat. "Erdene! You, Mahal, that was more forward than I'd given you credit for. What did he say?"
Blushing to her roots, "He asked me to wait until after Durin's Day."
Wait until after…Valis sat back in her chair. Wait until after Durin's Day? Why would he ask that of her? "Did he give a reason?"
Shaking her head, Erdene grimaced. She suspected, after thinking it over last night, it was probably because of all those dwarrow-dam going to his home the Tuesday after next. It bothered her they would take up all his time and she more than likely wouldn't see Thorin that day. Swallowing back the bitter taste of jealousy, Erdene sipped the last of her tea.
"Well if you're going to be courting soon I'll need to finish your dress." Valis rubbed her forehead tiredly. "I should have hired someone on a month ago, but I thought this Durin's Day would be slow as it was last year. Now it's far too late."
Erdene opened her mouth to tell Valis it was okay. Don't worry about my dress. When an idea occurred to her. "How much help? One set of hands? Two? How much are you paying?"
Eyeing her, Valis replied, "Are you offering to make your own dress lass?"
Snorting at the absurdity, "Valis I couldn't sew to save my life. I do know four girls who are ready to start earning their own money and making their way in life. They're human though."
Waving her off, "if you vouch for them, I'll try anything. I've nearly twenty-four dresses to finish before Tuesday. Even if I manage to complete four a day, I must work on the royal family's attire and now my friend needs a courting dress."
The royal family? Thorin, his sister, his brother and his nephews?
"I can run home and get the girls now. They might be able to start today or tomorrow. Does that work for you?"
Valis eyed her, "aye, that," such odd wording, "works. No mention of me calling you a friend?"
Genuinely confused, "Um…I've been calling you my friend for a little while." After a beat Erdene added sheepishly, "at least in my head."
Mahal. This girl.
I hope everyone had fun over the holidays. I am back to posting. :)