Saint Motel - My Type
OneRepublic - All The Right Moves
Blue October - Sound Of Pulling Heaven Down
Miike Snow - My Trigger
X Ambassadors - Unsteady
Hayley Kiyoko - Demons
Keane - Somewhere Only We Know
Ed Sheeran - Shivers
Florence and the Machine - Remain Nameless
Trigger warnings: Pregnancy mention, past child abuse, past mental abuse, past emotional abuse, past physical abuse, anxiety attack
The descriptions are not graphic, but they could be triggering.
I caught a nasty virus on vacation. I'm coughing so hard my sides and back actually hurt.
Chapter 24
"If I told you about the darkness inside of me, would you still look at me like I'm the sun." - Allen Ginsberg
Witness statements were signed, cheer and food and drinks followed. Thorin kept her by his side as dwarf after dwarf came to congratulate them. It is tradition, he whispered in her ear, the warmth of his breath on her skin made her shiver. She met dwarf after dwarf, all Thorin's kin in some way or another.
From her very brief research on the Tolkien Wikipedia way back when she was just writing a story - which she was never going to get to post damn it - all of these people were related to the line of Durin. Only Thorin and his siblings were directly descended from Durin the Deathless. Which was why Thorin had a great sword named Deathless.
Erdene glanced at the family tree at the time frowning at the fact that Dís lost her entire living family in one fell swoop. It was so difficult to reconcile that knowledge and then to look at the vibrant, lovely dwarrow-dam animatedly chatting with Balin and another male across the room. But then, Thorin and Dís were supposed to have lost Frerin during the battle for Moria. And their mother during Smaug's incursion on Erebor.
Erdene had just seen Frerin's portrait hanging in the entryway with a wife and a daughter. Dís not an hour ago mentioned her mother being alive when Dís met her husband. Two characters who were supposed to be long gone, one no doubt having lived to a decently ripe old age and one actively serving as regent for his brother.
With the appearance of Villhelm and his wife, and Erdene's mother, Erdene suspected that travelers from her world (as multiverse theory was now proven in part at least) had in various ways altered the events of Middle Earth. Travelers from Earth (and possibly other worlds but how many other worlds were there?) were reshaping the face of Arda one person at a time.
Not to mention that also meant that people from Arda had gone to Earth. They had to have. Erdene's own father was a perfect example. There were far too many myths, legends and lore woven into the history of various countries about dwarves, elves, witches and wizards, goblins, orcs and dragons to mean the lines hadn't crossed in other ways and places.
Hell, Norse mythology featured a dwarf who forged Thor's hammer, Mjölnir. Hadn't Peter Dinklage portrayed Eitri the dwarf? Wasn't the mythos surrounding Mjölnir that it never failed? Weren't dwarven crafted weapons some of the higher end weapons here in Arda? What if the ancient Norse had a dwarf from Middle Earth talking about another world dropped into their laps with a great hammer no man could lift? Thus, the legend was born.
The whole of Europe had stories of fairies and fae with pointed ears. What if those were elves, or hobbits, who made it through and had stories of another world? Wouldn't those travelers have eventually interbred with the human population once they realized there was no way home? Would that explain why Europeans were all getting taller and thinner?
If others went to Earth it meant there was a way back. There had to be, but how was the question.
The back of one of Thorin's hands brushed hers sending a very pleasant tingle of warmth up her arm. Erdene glanced over at him, how happy he looked. A way back didn't matter now anyway. She was going to marry him. They were going to have kids. She was going to help him take back Erebor. She was going to keep him alive, keep Fíli and Kíli alive for their mother. I won't be a widow. I will be his wife. I will be the mother of his children. And she would keep that relaxed, happy smile on his ridiculously handsome face as often as she could possibly achieve it.
She would eventually figure out how to get back to Earth for the next individual who was unceremoniously plucked from their life and dropped in a half forgotten spot on the face of this world. For people like her mother, Villhelm and in part for her father. For the family he probably had that she never got to meet back on Earth.
Which one of her father's ancestors were the ones that fell through to Earth? And, well, that led to a question she had no doubt would eventually come up since she was in fact a little bit dwarrow. Which house/clan is she from? Would she have a family here that would welcome her with open arms?
"Where are you from, lass?" Ossun of house Oss asked Erdene, pulling her back from her thoughts as his wife and his brother-in-law spoke to Thorin. He was an inch or so smaller than her but held himself like someone who was used to speaking and dealing with many others. He had amber-gold eyes, and pale silver hair with just a hint of the ashy blonde he once was through his tresses. His beard was neatly trimmed, not braided though, reaching his chest, and had yet to fully go gray, it held flecks of light brown in the pale blonde.
"Savannah, it's in the deep south." Erdene answered, accepting his gentle squeeze of her right hand and him touching her hand to his forehead. "You've probably never heard of it."
Ossun hummed, nodding. He was very good at faking it, he really was. If she didn't know any better, she might have actually believed him. "Traded through there once or twice I believe. Lovely people. The air was very warm." He was going to be someone to remember.
Then his wife, Fiae with her laughing blue-green eyes and generous mouth, was squeezing Erdene's hips with both very strong hands and, declaring, "Mahal bless you with many a babe!"
"Oi, Fi, the lass is young yet. Let them have their fun first." Fiae's brother Blei grumbled. He had the same coffee grounds brown hair as his sister with a larger, long beard that reached his chest with several small braids clasped in bronze. He bowed his head to Erdene, blushing slightly as blue-green eyes met hers. "My lady. Mahal bless your union."
"You are both so sweet, thank you." Erdene replied with a small nod of her own.
Which made Blei blush a little darker even as he moved off with his sister and brother-in-law to find libations and food.
Next came another flurry of dwarves, a variety of names and more well wishes. A handful more of blushing males. Erdene opened her mouth to ask why when a dark head of hair darted in, wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her completely off her feet, hoisting her into the air.
"Auntie!" Aiden Turner's face grinned at her from behind a fringe of dark wavy bangs and a short dark beard. "I am Kíli, soon to be your nephew."
"Kíli," Thorin's baritone was slightly less than stern, amused with a familiar air of exasperation, "put my one down."
Admittedly she could have gotten down on her own. That would have involved potentially showing everyone her stockinged and small clothes and kicking Kíli in an incredibly uncomfortable place. She tapped her fingers on his shoulders, both of her eyebrows raised, while he too blushed a little and set her back down on the floor.
He had the grace of look abashed, scratching the back of his head with a sheepish, "I apologize. Amad reminds me not to be too excitable."
It helped that he was shorter than her by almost two inches. If he was a child she probably would have booped his nose. Instead, much to Kíli's horror and everyone else's amusement, she pinched one of his cheeks, and sent him off with an, "apology accepted."
Fíli was next. Erdene didn't miss the stiffness in Thorin's frame when Fíli took the liberty of kissing her cheek and squeezing her hands with both of his when he said, "Mahal's blessings on you and my uncle."
Erdene slid one hand from his grasp, took one of Thorin's in hers and replied, "Thank you Fíli."
He bowed, smiled at his uncle and her, then turned and left to join the party of people.
Finally Valis and Zarin and Harjl were next.
Valis congratulated her cousin (by marriage and that was a very important distinction for certain interested, curious or observing parties) before grabbing Erdene and hugging her so tightly, Valis may have heard the girl's spine pop a bit.
"Valis," Erdene gasped through her laughter, "I like breathing."
Valis set the girl back down, pointedly looking at her cousin, both hands on her hips. "Those hair pins you made her were entirely too presumptuous." There was no mistaking the mutter of voices around the room in reaction to that. "And if you had told me about the lass in the first place, I would have taught you how to make silk flowers for the pins you great lug!"
Erdene touched the pin on the other side of her head from her courtship braid where she moved them just before she and Thorin began taking congratulations. "I like the pins Thorin made me."
"Oh, aye, you would. Mahal knew what he was doing when he shaped you for one another." Valis huffed, the fore fingers of both hands tapped on her hips. She pointed from Erdene to Thorin and back again, "I should have known sooner, when you told me he was a smith. Mahal knows I only know a handful, and Thorin's the best of them. Even if he is thick headed and stubborn as a mule."
Thorin cleared his throat, "Valis."
She waved him off, " Don't Valis me. Ery, you'll come to the shop in a few days, yeah?"
"Course sugar." Erdene held her arms out for another hug, one which Valis reciprocated with another squeeze before she too joined the rest of the party.
Zarin curtsied to Thorin, giving her king her sincerest congratulations of course and then moved to Erdene with a squeal of excitement, yanking the girl in for a tight hug. "Oh," Zarin kissed Erdene's cheeks, hugging her, "oh, lass, I hoped for you, I did. I dreamed and I hoped." She took both of Erdene's hands in hers.
And again that murmuring of voices. Dwarves, as Erdene would later find, did love a juicy tidbit of gossip. Or, a large bite of it.
"I knew we would be friends the first day you were in the shop but I never imagined," Zarin sniffed and grinned despite the wetness of her eyes, "I am so happy for you both. Truly."
"How are you feeling?" Erdene asked, keeping Zarin's hands in hers. "Better?"
"Oh, yes, much. A strong cup of tea in the morning and one in the afternoon, I'm fine for a good deal of the day. Just don't try to get me to eat anything but potatoes and grains and vegetables. Can't stand the smell of meat." Zarin splayed both hands over her lower stomach though she lacked the significant bump at only two and a half months along. "Just wait, this babe will be a handful, you'll see."
Thorin stood frozen. Mahal. Was Mistress Zarin with child? Had he less control over his composure, he might have turned red. Or white. They're thirty-eight, Erdene in his dream had said. Both his daughter and the lad were thirty-eight. If they are the same age they will be born around the same time. Mahal's beard. He may be a father within the next year. Thorin swallowed his shock and shook Harjl's hand, accepting their congratulations before Harjl and Zarin joined the rest of the party.
Once more he felt Erdene's fingers twine with his, her head on his shoulder. Much as she had in his dreams the evening before last
She turned her head, pushing up on her toes. "Breathe." She whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to his pulse.
He breathed and squeezed her fingers. She squeezed back. He was surprised, once again, he could feel her grip at all. Perhaps he would not have to be as careful about his strength as he was around full blood children of men.
As the line dwindled, Erdene saw Balin and Dís at the very end. The two dams present just before Balin and Dís who were not Feai, Valis, or Zarin watched her with a certain animosity that made a spot between her shoulder blades itch.
She pushed up on her toes, kissing his cheek, turning her head to whisper in his ear, "who are the two who want my head on a pike?"
He wrapped one arm around her waist, glancing down the line. Ah. Thorin allowed his fingers to spread on the base of her spine. Murmuring back, "daughters of Relvi, an Iron Hill noble. Mera and Dera, cousins of mine six or seven generations distant. They are two of the more persistent dam that have attempted to stand where you are now."
They had been quite unpleasant yesterday to both Fíli and Kíli. Something he found out only this morning when Kíli groaned after Dís read off the guest list. Thorin had not been pleased. They could not, however, be uninvited without insult to their family. Their father unfortunately had Dain's ear.
Erdene hummed, pressing another, longer, lingering kiss, this time just below his ear. Mahal. He squeezed her waist. "Ekûnê."
His ears are sensitive. Hmm. Noted. Erdene plastered on her best southern smile as Mera and Dera finally reached them.
They were pretty, shorter than both Thorin and Erdene by a good three or four inches, with waving saddle brown hair, neatly braided beards slightly redder than the hair on top of their heads decorated with tiny clinking pale yellow oval beads, and fairly lovely chocolate brown eyes. They weren't twins by any means, one had a thin nose that turned up at the end and the other had a wide bridge and shorter nose. One had a large flat looking mole on her neck at the collar and the other did not.
The two dressed similarly in soft buttery yellow on one, on the other a pale lemon shade. The two reminded Erdene very much of a pair of women she met working at the bookstore. One always dressed in dark snake skin green, the other claimed she loved burnt orange and they only went out together. They were quite the pair. Tackingling each other's agoraphobia, anxiety, depression and germaphobia with a weekly trip to pick up a new book for their book club. Though Erdene had a feeling these two wouldn't gush over her curls the way the ladies back in Sparks had. Or bring her roses in the spring.
The two curtsied in unison and the one on the right fluttered her eyelashes at Thorin and began speaking in Khuzdûl.
Dís bristled behind them.
Balin had to put one hand on her upper left arm to stop her.
The din of cheer and merriment faded to a low murmur as people stared.
Thorin, with Erdene's hand still in his, opened his mouth to correct their blatant disrespect. He found Erdene's small, cool hand pressed to his breastbone, and for the first time, violet eyes meeting his as she minutely shook her head. She squeezed his hand, pressing her lips together firmly and turned violet colored eyes on the dam before them.
Violet is the color of her anger.
Erdene, as he would find, had other ways of dealing with this kind of rudeness.
The one on the left spoke after her sister's speech came to an end. She too fluttered her eyelashes, looked down demurely, and then when she finished, they both curtsied again. She too had spoken in Khuzdûl.
"Oh, bless your darlin' little hearts!" Erdene exclaimed, leaning into her accent. They wanted to fuck around? Fine. She could play games too. "You don't speak a lick of Westron at all?" Granted neither did she, but whatever weirdness brought her here was kind enough to give her the ability to understand the common language, Westron like it was English. "Heavens, that must be so dif-fi-cult. I know a few other languages, maybe you know one of those."
Kíli turned his head immediately, stifling his laughter with the back of his hand and his mug. Next to him Fíli pressed his lips together so hard the skin around his mouth began to lose color. Their new aunt could hold her own.
"Sprechen Sie Deutsche?" Erdene asked two pairs of wide, doe eyes. "No? Hablas Español? Oh, dear, no. Can't imagine you'd speak High Valarian but, ydrassis valyrio eglie," her pitch and tone changed to something more guttural, "tlhlngan Hol Dajatlh'a. Oh no, not Klingon either."
Surprised doe eyes shared a glance of apprehension before one began to look like a deer caught in headlights while the other began to form a frown that made her look like she swallowed half a gallon of bog water.
"French? Parlez-vous le français? I speak some, but not fluently." Erdene kept her smile, saccharine. If these two thought they could bully her, they had a big goddamn surprise coming. She had bigger, meaner bullies who were all a head taller and spoke with sweet southern accents.
Dera folded first with a less than adequate curtsy and a lowered gaze. "We do speak Westron, miss."
Mera followed with an equally inadequate curtsy and met Erdene's gaze silently without shame.
"Oh, well ain't that just dandy." She gave them each a sweet smile that did not reach her eyes. "As you can see, I am very good at learning other languages. And I have a fantastic memory to boot. Just give me a little bit and I'm sure I'll know exactly what you just said. Then maybe you two, my new sister, my friends and I can all have a chat. Dís, darlin' you wouldn't mind, would you?"
"No, nan'ith," Dís answered with arms crossed in front of her, watching the two with a hawk's gaze, "I would not."
And Kíli nearly dropped his mug. Oof. If those two didn't scurry back to the Iron Hills with their tails between their legs before the party was over.
Fíli leaned over, tapping his mug against his brother's. "I did tell you."
Uncle has met his match. Fíli said no more than two weeks ago, and Kíli had doubted. He should not have doubted. He could not recall a single moment in seventy-six years where he had seen someone called a liar without outright accusation, embarrassed, cowed and threatened all in the same breath. It was honestly somewhat terrifying.
And she did it all with a smile. She sounded so kind and sweet. Maker help whoever got on her bad side.
Aye. Uncle had met his match.
What a match he found too. Sharp tongue. Witty. Cunning. If he had to put money on it, which he just might in a private bet with some of the other witnesses, he would say his new aunt might be capable of managing the noble and merchant councils by herself.
"Mera, Dera, daughters of Relvi," Thorin did not incline his head to them, nor did he thank them. Nor did he acknowledge their brazen propositions. He simply turned his head to his one, Erdene.
Erdene jerked her chin at the now much quieter party. "Y'all go on and have fun now."
Dera looped her arm through her sister's and tugged Mera off.
Mera kept eye contact with Erdene until she was safely ensconced behind others.
Dís was in front of Erdene the next second kissing her cheeks and whispering in her ear, "you handled that so well. Oh, that was-"
"An exercise in play stupid games, win stupid prizes." Erdene murmured quietly in return with a tight grimace. "Not my first one and probably not my last." She kissed Dís cheek in return with a small, if tired smile.
"Well they certainly won't try to pull that again." Dís took one of Erdene's hands, squeezing reassuringly.
Erdene hummed thoughtfully. No, they probably wouldn't. They also weren't likely deterred entirely. Thorin, his crown and the title of queen were a prize to be won. Erdene was an obstacle to that prize. A mostly human obstacle.
Her dreams made a little more sense now. There were now dam who would happily throw her or shove her to her death.
Balin was next and final. Thank the lord. She wanted a drink and something to eat before her stomach began to demand food. And, surreptitiously she looked up at Thorin through her eyelashes, maybe fifteen minutes to fool around with her future husband.
Would Thorin be into getting head? Most men were from her experience, but then Thorin was a dwarf and he might see it as weird. He'd need to get used to it. Erdene happened to like giving her significant other a blow job regularly as long as they licked her in return. Something about reducing a guy to inarticulate moans and the occasional begging just spun her wheels. Also it fed her praise kink when her partner told her how good it was.
She'd already explained what a kink was to Thorin. Hopefully explaining other things would go just as smoothly.
Like, hey, I'm technically not from Arda, but don't worry I am not going back.
What did she have to go back to? Tracy was an awful roommate. Her family, with the exception of Beats, didn't give a good goddamn about her. Beats was growing a decent backbone. She would be okay by herself. Judith would miss her but Judith could move on.
Her mother's spirit was here in Arda. There was no reason to go back.
Balin came to her next, bowing his head with the most grandfatherly of smiles and said, "Welcome Lady Erdene Thoroughfare, may Mahal bless your union."
After plates of meats, fruit and cheeses were brought out and drinks were topped up for the reception, Erdene noticed that there was something about the hum of the room that told her everyone was waiting for something. No one was saying what that something was. Several sly glances were thrown her way, and more than one person whispered to one another. Money changed hands at least four times that she counted.
Her fingers curled around Thorin's forearm with enough pressure to make him break away from speaking to Balin, and look at her.
Again she pushed up, whispering next to his ear in her lowest audible tone, which was probably much louder to all of these people, "did I do something?"
His hand found a place on her lower back, fingers causing a delicious warmth to bloom under her dress. His breath was warm on her skin. "They're taking bets whether you or I will ask for courting privilege first."
Ask for what?
The furrow between her eyebrows told him much. Mahal. He thought his sister explained what was likely to happen after they were courting. What had they spoken of in Dís' parlor if not what to expect? Thorin pressed a kiss to her furrowed brow, before turning to Balin once more. "Balin, the courtship contract, is it in my study?" Thorin asked.
"Ah, yes. I suppose now is as good a time as any." The older dwarf nodded.
Courtship contract? Weren't they already courting with the bead and the comb and having all these people sign a statement saying they saw her accept Thorin's offer? Now they had to what, agree to certain expectations? Fetch his slippers in the mornings? No complaints about him smoking or eating in bed?
Then someone decided to open their big mouth. Lord Gren from House Gr, as he had introduced himself and his son, Grae, a boy just shy of forty-four (who looked like he might have been twenty at the very most), called with a tone slightly taunting. "Ah! The privileges of courtship."
And-
Oh. Oh.
Sex. Requesting courtship privilege was asking to be excused from the party to have sex. People were taking bets on when Erdene or Thorin would-
Oh. My. God.
She had the presence of mind to turn herself entirely into Thorin's side so no one would notice before he did.
Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
For fucks sake, fucking breathe Thoroughfare.
All these people were waiting for them to go have sex!
Thorin's sister and nephews.
Erdene's friends.
Absolute fucking strangers!
It started with a sharp, stabbing pinch under her breastbone. Which was a lot better than immediate hyperventilation. That hadn't happened since she was a kid.
It was one thing having witnesses, a bunch of strangers with a handful of familiar friendly faces sprinkled in, to sign witness statements that the courting was completed and legal. It was an entirely different thing to have absolute strangers betting on when Thorin would get her into bed. The tightness in her chest was telltale. She rubbed the spot in the middle of her breast bone.
Breathe.
Breathe.
But the room felt a little too small, and Lord Gren was a little too close and he was still kind of smiling in almost a leering, gross way and-
I need to get out of here now.
Strangers bet on her having sex with Thorin before the party was over.
Breathe.
Breathe.
And the rational part of her brain was trying hard to run through coping techniques and how to alleviate stressors - but today had been an emotional whirlwind - and the rest of her brain and body weren't listening.
She couldn't hear whatever it was people were saying over the rush of blood in her ears. Her heartbeat suddenly sounded oddly loud and kind of fast. Or maybe there was sound but she just couldn't hear it.
Because her heartbeat was much, much too loud and-
She was being picked up and moved only to be pushed into a chair but-
Those two vipers who were glaring daggers at her, were they-
Why is there no fucking air in this room?
Then she felt big warm arms wrap around her and lift her once again to move her into a warm seat and there was a low baritone in her ear, "Erdene," he stroked her back and her hair, his lips against her temple, "shh, shh, my one." His beard really was soft on her skin, and the warm chair wasn't a chair, it was his lap, he had those big warm arms wrapped around her and they were in a small library. Her breathing was steadily slowing and oh…shit.
Did all those people, those two vipers included, see her have an anxiety attack? Damn it. Damn it. Damn her stupid useless-
"Erdene?" Thorin sounded so worried. Oh no. Oh no.
"I'll be fine in a moment," she touched the hand braced on her waist. "I'm just…I'm sorry." She turned away from the wall she was facing to take in the worried gaze of her soulmate. "I'm sorry, today has been a lot and…" how do you explain an anxiety attack to someone who probably never saw one before? Never heard of one before.
Mental health wasn't a thing here. Obviously. Or Thror would have gotten the help he needed before Smaug came.
Monica, the first time, nearly had a panic attack of her own while on the phone with 911. The operator had to talk her through bringing back Erdene down. Her anxiety attack then had been in response to some busker on the strip threatening her for not tipping him when she first got to Las Vegas. The first time she had one in front of Caleb her grandmama had just called to berate her for not coming home for Easter break her freshman year. He had to call Monica and she had to coach him through it. Santi had it a little better, Monica had been with them and he'd taken the phone when Aunt Lola went off on her for not sending more expensive birthday gifts to her younger kids. He ripped into her aunt and told the woman never to call back.
Erdene touched the worried lines of his face, smoothing them gently with her fingers. "It's called an anxiety attack. It's when too much happens at once and my body and brain cannot make an agreement on what to do, say or how to handle it. They don't happen often, but they do happen." Erdene frowned, pressing her lips together. "I…have a lot of emotional baggage that I need to explain to you when you're ready to hear it."
Thorin seemed to accept the explanation, one hand still stroking the small of her back. "Tell me now, if you would."
Her gaze turned sad, "and ruin our day? Are you sure?"
"Tell me. It will not ruin the day. I swear it."
"I will, but first, did anyone see me?"
He touched the smooth skin of her jaw, so different from what he had always been attracted to. She had a very fine sort of peach fuzz, thin and short that met the fine dark hairs of her hairline just before her ear. "Balin, perhaps my sister and Lord Gren."
Thank the lord for small miracles. At least those two harpies wouldn't have fodder to throw to their sycophants.
Erdene nodded slightly relieved and took a deep breath before she said, "...the first eleven years of my life were great. My mom was wonderful. When she found out I was incredibly bright and talented, she did everything in her power to make sure I was going places. That one day I would be able to achieve more than she or my father ever got to." Erdene fingered the tip of one of his braids with a large flat silver bead. Which now she could see had a crest, an anvil and crossed hammers above it, a crown above that and seven stars. Clan braid?
One of his hands left her waist to tip her face up, blue eyes searching hers. "Your mother's mind then took leave of her body."
A shuddering sigh left her, tears pricking at her eyes. "And I had to live with my grandparents, my aunt and uncle were there nearly every month and neither of them are kind people. My mother used to tell me I was perfect the way God made me, but my mother's family found every flaw they could and they made my next six years absolutely miserable.
"I was too short, too dark - my grandmother used to rub my skin with lemon juice to make it lighter, and I was kept out of the sun which isn't healthy for a growing little girl - too fat, so they made me eat like a bird which was never enough to feel full, too many freckles, not smart enough, but too smart for my own good if I talked back, never talented enough to make them happy even though I placed first or second in many competitions, my hair was too curly, that first summer my aunt chopped it off nearly to the roots-"
A filthy string of curses left Thorin's mouth before he dragged her against his chest. He cupped her face, forcing the sad forest green eyes that had drifted away from him to the distance over his shoulder to look at him. "She took your hair?"
One slow nod followed by, a soft, much too softly whispered, "it was too much for an eleven year old to take care of in her opinion."
Mahal. If he thought his anger at her family the day he apologized to her was rage. Now he would have liked nothing more than to see them all dead, just to make her feel safe. Thorin pulled her against his chest, "had I been there I would never have allowed them near you again."
It was probably best she didn't tell him she found out years later Aunt Lola had actually sold Erdene's hair to a woman who made wigs two towns over. Or that Erdene ran away the following summer when her aunt tried to do it again. Disappearing for five days before Aunt Lola and her family had to go back up north earned Erdene a beating with Grandaddy's belt. But she kept her hair and never let her aunt touch her again.
Erdene wrapped her arms around his neck, "Thorin, I'm here and I survived."
He pressed one long lingering kiss against her mouth. "You are a survivor, ekûnê, I am not surprised by it." His voice was rough when he spoke next. "That was the first year."
"Mmm." Erdene pressed her forehead to his. "By the time I was thirteen I had a pretty awful idea of myself. If I hadn't been inducted into advanced schooling and out of the house a lot, I probably would have grown up awful and mean like the rest of them. I was, though, thankfully. Once I could get away from them I did. I left and tried not to go back. I have been working since I was seventeen to get better. It worked, I don't flinch anymore when people move too quickly near me or need to run when others start shouting. As you saw I can deal with the petty vindictive garbage some people are capable of." She sighed again, brushing her nose against his, "but sometimes I get overwhelmed and yes, I have an anxiety attack. Or if I'm overwhelmed and feel threatened, a panic attack."
When he said nothing, she whispered, "maybe those two were right, you shouldn't have been saddled with someone like me. I'm too broken."
His eyes were a blazing, angry blue when he said, "we are one, Erdene, your burdens are my burdens. Your life is my life. You are not broken." His grip on her hips grew a little tighter, rubbing uncomfortably against her bruises from this morning.
Thorin caught her wince, and assumed his grip was too tight. "Forgive me I didn't mean to hurt-"
She pressed a small, gentle kiss to his lips. "Stop that. You didn't hurt me. I have bruises from Warren being a horse's ass this morning."
If she thought he was angry before. Christ almighty.
Thorin's tone was dark and deadly behind his control. "He harmed you?"
If she wanted to end Warren's life she could have right then and there. Erdene had no doubt in her mind Thorin would see Warren dead before sunset if she said yes. "I bruised myself getting out of his way."
That did nothing to erase the tension in his frame or the anger written in the lines of his face. The muscles she could feel under his clothes and skin were wound tighter than a bow string.
Erdene began to place little kisses across his brow, on his nose, cheeks, eyelids, the corners of his lips.
"You are too forgiving," he rumbled before capturing her mouth with his once more.
This. This was better than anything, better than everything. His arms, those strong bands of iron wrapped around her waist pulling her into the planes and dips of his chest - he was so close and this moment was perfect - a swell of affection rose so sharply in her chest Erdene had to break away from his kisses to keep herself from pushing this too far.
Thorin apparently did not get the same message because he diverted to kissing her cheek, the corner of her jaw and the sensitive skin by her right ear. With one hand he moved her hair out of the way to kiss down the column of her throat to the bare junction of her neck and shoulder. And, because he saw himself do it in his dreams of the future, Thorin bit down on the skin there lightly. He didn't expect her fingers to dig into his hair, nor the seductive pleasure of her nails scratching his scalp nor a desperate moan of need to fall from her lips.
Mahal. It took everything he had not to rut against her thigh like a clumsy young lad.
Ooo, he liked that. She felt a hard, thick presence against her outer thigh. "Thorin?" she asked, voice roughened with want.
He nipped the curve of her lower lip, "hmm?"
She returned the nip, soothing it with a small peck after. "I do want to have sex with you."
He groaned, pulling her closer for another kiss.
Erdene leaned away, shaking her head. "No, listen, please."
Mahal she would be the death of him. He was not known for his patience. "Yes?" he did try not to sound irate. She was, after all, sitting in his lap, kissing him back. Erdene agreed to court without hesitation. She was his and he, hers. It would take very little effort to carry her to his room the next hallway over and send Balin away with a courting privilege claim.
Her fingers, small and cool to his warm skin, trailed across his shoulders. "I want to and I hope you want to as well."
Could she not feel him harder than he had been in recent memory? "I do."
Her lips formed a thin, grim line, "but not with all those people betting on us downstairs. I can't, I won't have those people hearing us make love for the first time."
It took him a scant second, and then, ah. Now it made sense. Lord Gren had been crass about it. That must have been what shoved her over into the attack. He moved an errant curl before it fell into her eyes. Green and amber and a touch of gray. "I have waited a lifetime for you. Another few hours added to 194 years is nothing."
194 years?
Oh. Shit. Shit. Shit.
Thorin is 195 when the quest for Erebor begins. Oh no. No. No. Shit. No. She had a few months, maybe a year before…No. No. I am not going to be a widow. I am not going to let him die. Thorin lives. He lives. We have children. I've seen them. Erdene pressed her forehead to his.
"When is your 195th?" She asked while winding one of his braids around two of her fingers.
"January tenth." Of course he's a Capricorn. Of course he is! Disciplined, stubborn, driven to succeed, loyal to a fault, dry humor, and pragmatic. One of Pisces soulmate signs. Earth to her water. Seriously. He would be perfect for her. "Yours is March, yes?"
"March thirteenth." She had less than a few months before Thorin would hear news about his father and go to Dunland. Next October, one year from today, Thorin would enter the halls of Erebor with the Company and Bilbo Baggins. They would face Smaug.
And she needed to be there.
If anyone hadn't guessed by now, this story began one year prior to when Gandalf, Thorin and Company arrived at Bilbo's simal. Exactly one year. It was April 25th when Erdene appeared before Warren's home.
Khuzdûl translation - Nan'ith - Young/new sister (which Erdene is both)
That was a full twelve pages long. Like all the way to the bottom twelve pages. One more sentence and it would have been thirteen.
I caught a nasty virus on vacation. I'm coughing so hard my sides and back actually hurt.