I wanted to be everything.
And I will, 'cause I want it still.
There are hands to be held and drinks to be spilled.
And I can and I will.
After waking Souta up for dinner and bathing him before his bedtime, Hinata finally had the chance to text her cousin and Ten Ten to come up for the aftermath and dinner. They were in her dining room within five minutes, ready to mend her broken heart once more.
All those months ago, everyone was around her. She had Kiba's big hugs and Shino's gentle whispers in her scalp. She needed Hanabi's furious rants, using every possible word she knew to curse his existence on her behalf when she couldn't. She needed Ten Ten's pep talks and reassurance, Neji's shoulders to cry on. Sakura's home cooking, Ino's fruit baskets and grocery deliveries - occasionally, flowers from her mother's shop. She relied on everyone in her life for a crutch when she was finally at her lowest point. And they were there without a second thought.
She couldn't ask all of them to drop it all for her again - not this time. Things were different.
It felt more final.
More than half a year ago, her foot was barely out the door. She waited for him - she spent sleepless nights waiting for an apology only he could give, but didn't. She wanted him to want her as badly as she craved him. She wanted him to come to her, to apologize and win her back. She didn't care if that wasn't what her family and friends wanted, she wasn't ready to live a life without her sun yet.
This time, she could close the door. This time, she did.
She was surprised at how quick she was able to collect herself after filling the brunettes in on what transpired only an hour before. Ten Ten was prepared with her favorite soup and tissues, and her cousin was eager to bust a skull. But despite their readiness, Hinata didn't need either. She smiled, and it didn't feel like a disguise anymore.
Maybe, she wondered, the buried strength surfaced when she was able to see a text from someone who knew exactly what she was going through. A few words of encouragement praising her growth struck something in her, affirming her decision. She knew he wasn't the only one to think this was the best choice to make, but it meant more that it came from someone who was once in her own shoes.
"I feel lighter." She smiles. She can't say more, because she thinks they've heard enough. She's sure she's said this before, but she finally means it - there is no doubt on her part that she won't change her mind. She's made it.
She knows they want to know more, but she wants to save what's left for herself, locked away until she's ready to rehash it again. They respect what's unspoken.
Ten Ten walked from the opposite side of the table to give her a hug. "We're so excited for you."
She feels selfish for wanting to talk to him. There's no doubt in her mind that he's likely comforting her husband, and she doesn't want him to pick a side. She just wants to know if what went through his head is the same as what's going through her own. If she could say everything without a filter, would he understand?
She wants to know.
She calls him despite her heart slamming against her ribcage. She is nervous when she wants the call to go through. It's late, and she already hates that it'll be her fault if she disrupts his sleep. When he answers, she can't hide the surprise in her greeting.
This is all she can have with him. Just these calls, these small messages. She is selfish, and accepts herself for indulging in the newly discovered affection that she could never fully embrace. She would never do that to her friend, to her husband. She doesn't have any intention of hurting anyone else.
"Did you feel like this?"
He doesn't answer, so she continues. "I'm excited to not need him anymore." It feels childish to announce it, incredibly vulnerable for a call at two in the morning. She apologizes for waking him up, hearing the sleep in his voice.
She's surprised when he responds, hearing the faint yawn in his voice. "Me, too."
She's glad she's alone in the den, buried under her blankets, her phone by her ear, her lower lip held in place by her teeth. She fights the way her toes curl when she hears him breathe, wishing she was there with him. She can't tell anyone that she wonders what it would be like to be iin his space. She wishes she was staring at him, not her ceiling.
"Hinata." Her name sounds so beautiful when he says it. There is nothing in her body besides nerves and adrenaline - she is sober, embracing the taboo of this friendship. She hopes he says it again.
"What do you want to do?" He finally asks. It's a relief that he still wants to talk to her, in spite of everything else.
So, she lists her new dreams. She tells him that she's re-enrolling in school to finish her degree. She doesn't know what she wants to do now, but she knows she doesn't want to complete her degree in her prior major. She's excited to meet with an advisor about her options. She wants to enroll her son in daycare so she isn't relying too much on her family. She wants to paint her apartment walls a new color - something bright, so it's a new space for a do-over. She wants to cut her hair, maybe not all of it, maybe closer to her childhood pixie cut. Her voice sings all the possibilities she didn't know she still had. He can hear the smile in between her words. She wants to take a trip to Suna with Souta, maybe other friends, to get away for a weekend. She wants to bask in the sun, lay by the beach, do the things she missed out on for the blip that was her twenties.
"There's a lot.." She apologizes again, sheepishly from her word vomit of what's to come in her life.
"You'll do it all." He says, instilling the belief she lacked in herself. She smiles.
"Thank you, Sasuke."
When he hears her list out what she wants to do, he's briefly taken back all those years to when Sakura painted the picture of their entwined lives. He feels his heart beat faster, mentally sucked back into the wooden chair of his old desk in Iruka's homeroom office. He can recall how stiff his uniform collar felt around his neck with each word Sakura spoke.
But this time, he's looking at Hinata. He sees past her tell him what she's saying over the phone right now, at this moment. He wonders what 17 year-old Hinata wanted then. After they say goodnight, he turns to face his alarm clock, the red light bleeding into his eyes.
He wonders if Hinata accomplished everything she wanted then, or at least parts of it.
He brings the back of his hand against his forehead, turning until his gaze lands on his ceiling fan. The breeze of the blades aren't enough to relax the growing heat to his cheeks.
He wonders if he can just be a friend anymore.
Her lawyer tells her that opposing counsel would prefer to meet with an arbitrator before escalating through the court. She nods numbly, scrubbing her stove with a bit more aggression as she listens to Itachi speak.
"Essentially, the four of us would be together with a retired judge who impartially analyzes all aspects of the case. Since you prefer to settle, this would mean both parties agree to whatever the presiding arbitrator declares. This would also allow for Ms. Yamanaka and I to draft the orders assuming you and Mr. Uzumaki agree on the terms."
She nods dumbly, briefly forgetting she isn't in front of her attorney. "It appears your husband requested this. Do I have your approval to proceed?"
She fights the innate urge of crying again. She never told her attorney he came over, never told him the contents of that unexpected meeting. But a part of her is relieved to hear he finally heard what she wanted, even though she still wishes she wasn't in the position she was currently in. "Yes." She says, almost breathlessly.
"Wonderful. We won't have this on the schedule for at least two months, but for now this means that he won't be able to file a response to our Complaint as we will seek to dismiss it. This just means that if the arbitration goes well, we would re-file one that is mutual. Do you consent to this as well?"
There are no more stains on her stovetop. Hinata realizes she's been scrubbing so hard, the paint is beginning to chip. "Of course." She says, trying to mask her sadness with indifference.
"If you need a referral for a therapist, please let me know. In spite of your desire to separate, it is very normal to be upset by the motions." She appreciates Itachi's words, and responds that she has a session scheduled soon. She thanks him for the call and after he hangs up, she allows herself to grip the oven door tightly, blinking away the tears she didn't want to release.
"Park?" Souta reiterates, his eyes growing wide and his mouth curving into a cheeky grin. His blonde curls under his bucket hat, one strap of his overalls falling over his right shoulder. Hinata nods, rolling up the leg sleeves into a neat fold. She knew they were a little longer, but he would grow into them soon.
"You'll see Kazumi and Sakura-chan." She smiled, absorbing the unapologetic glee from the young boy as she zips his parka up.
In spite of the winter breeze, it was still sunny enough for him to run around the obstacle course. The park was only three blocks away from her apartment, tucked neatly by the local daycare she had already submitted an application for. Pushing the stroller along, she tucked her scarf into her coat and towed her son towards the entrance.
She was so excited to see Sakura, finding it harder and harder to see her friend. Already being accustomed to the distance from Ino, it didn't make her absence any more uncomfortable. She didn't harbor any resentment for being involved in her divorce, but it was still something she wasn't ready to address with her. Maybe when it was all over, but under her attorney's advice she was to steer clear for a bit.
With Sakura, she can reduce herself to the wallflower she always was - listening to her friend beam about her love life, her shifts at the hospital, any gossip she couldn't help meddling in. The kind of normalcy Hinata's life always lacked just felt so fresh and alluring. That, and she also needed to tell her friend her own truths.
"Where's Kazumi?" Souta asks, as she unbuckles him from his stroller. "Um, they'll be here soon." She says, checking her phone for the time. She scratched her cheek when it read 2:45 p.m.
"She's probably on the way. She went to school, you know." Hinata said, lightly pinching his own cheek.
Souta swatted her hand away playfully, crawling next to her on the bench. He dug his hands into her left pocket, leaning on her for warmth. "I think I see them!" He says when he looks up, quickly pulling away and running towards the girl who was screeching from excitement.
Her gaze softened at the sight, but she couldn't help how her eyes briefly widened when she saw Sasuke coming behind them, a pink backpack slung over his shoulder.
"Hey." He says, taking the empty seat next to her, a respectable distance between them. As if reading her mind (or the still surprised look on her face), he added. "Sakura couldn't make it."
Nodding, she gave him a small smile. "It's nice to see you again, Sasuke."
They both turn their heads to watch their children for a bit, enjoying the sounds of their kids screaming of joy amongst the crowd of other toddlers, the shuffling of squirrels on the branches above them.
Hinata jolted when she heard her phone vibrate and ping. She turned, looking down at her lock screen, an embarrassing message from the app she was too mortified to open since her last encounter. She bit her lip, hoping Sasuke didn't see it.
Unfortunately, she looked up and saw he was also staring at her phone. She yelped, throwing her phone into the stroller, using her gloves to cover her face.
"It's nothing!" She says, hoping that one of the kids will interrupt them from this awkwardness. She peaked between one of her hands, gauging his reaction.
She couldn't tell if he really felt any way about it, besides his cocked brow. "I didn't know you were dating."
He didn't know who SlingingSledgehammer29 was, but Sasuke was internally cursing his existence and praying for his immediate death. He truthfully had no intention of looking over to her phone screen, but her immediate reaction to the notification got enough of his interest to check.
He cleared his throat, looking away when she covered her face. Really, he had no reason or stake to judge her for anything. He's certainly spent some time being casual.
"I didn't know you were dating." He says, trying to open the conversation up. He'll likely never forget the disgusting message he saw aimed at her, but was trying to control how he felt about it. He wasn't allowed to care - they were friends and that was arguable at best.
She shook her head violently, almost to a comical degree. "No. No, no, no." She says, mortified.
"No need to be ashamed." He shrugged, hoping that teasing her would settle his own nausea in his stomach.
"It's not-"
"I didn't think you'd be on an app for that." He presses on, watching as she shrunk into her coat collar.
It does something to him to see her so flustered, that he was the one causing it.
"You could've just called me." He finishes, waiting for her face to contort into another form of embarrassment.
She turned, her eyes wider than he's ever seen them. He couldn't hold back the laugh. "I'm just joking, Hyuuga."
She nods, padding her gloved hands on her face quell the burning on her cheeks. Whatever she was going to say was stuck in her throat thanks to the two kids running back to their respective parents, begging to get ice cream across the street.
"Sure." Sasuke says to his daughter, turning back to the flustered woman. "You want to join us?"
It's hard for her to say no to her son, especially when he's patting her knees anxiously waiting for her response. Deciding to forget what had just transpired, she nods, focusing on her beaming son.
She had never been so thankful for the interruption, not knowing where it was headed, and too scared of the uneasy thrill it was causing in her stomach.
The walk to the ice cream parlor was crisp, Hinata pushing Souta in his stroller with an animated Kazumi on Sasuke's shoulders. She stared straight ahead, trying to ignore his eyes burning into the back of her head. At least, she was assuming he was looking at her. She only was able to confirm it when they walked by some glass windows for other shops out of the corner of her eye. She's sure he didn't try to hide his interest.
After they ordered their scoops, they sat comfortably at a table furthest from the front door (and the breeze). Why the kids wanted something cold on top of the freezing weather, she had no idea.
Souta and Kazumi dipped their small spoons in each other's servings shamelessly, giggling amongst each other. Quickly, she took her phone out and took a picture of them, mentally noting to share it with Sakura (where she also planned to ask when they could see each other again). She cradled her cinnamon flavored scoop and brought a spoonful to her lips, savoring the sweet. It didn't surprise her that Sasuke didn't get anything, besides occasionally accepting a small serving from Kazumi.
Lost in staring at the kids, she turned her gaze to him when felt the faint pressure of a thumb gently wipe the smallest amount of ice cream from the corner of her lips. Even inside the storefront, she once again felt the tingles in her toes, the heat rising across her face. She watched as he boldly brought said thumb to his mouth and licked it clean.
"Not bad."
She couldn't speak, but offered a small smile to the kids who stared and laughed. "So messy, Mama." Souta laughed, oblivious to the implications and real reason for her discomfort. More than anything, of her desire for more.
When the kids finished their servings, Hinata clasped her hands and said it was time for them to go home. Tears were forming on both of the kids' faces at the eventual goodbyes they'd have to give. "But we'll see you soon, right?" Kazumi said, rubbing her small knuckles against her right eye.
"Of course." She softened, melting at the cute scene. "You and your mom can come anytime."
"Why not Daddy?"
"She means when you're with your mom." Sasuke interjected, clarifying for the confused girl. Kazumi nods, accepting it without doubts. Hinata's thankful at his quick response, likely used to his daughter constantly questioning everything. She's sure she'll face this with Souta soon enough.
When they part ways, Kazumi is once again holsted on Sasuke's back.
"Hinata." He says her name again, waiting for her to look at him. When she does, he breaks the silence again.
"I wasn't joking."
A/N:I know the slow burn is in my control, but even I am begging for them to move faster lol. I'm really proud of this chapter, I think it's my favorite so far of the story. I wanted to get this out this week because I'm taking a mini trip this weekend, so I wanted to give more Sasuke/Hinata interactions. Let me know your thoughts! :')