(After)Life: Broken Together

by TakerFoxx

Forever trapped in a world that they had killed, the three remaining Evangelion Pilots struggle day by day to make a life for themselves. In a way, they've succeeded, and are now happier together than they ever have been. But the past leaves its scars, and Third Impact casts a shadow that can never be escaped from.

3. The Moon

The Moon

Tokyo-3. A city of color.

Green. Color of nature. Color of sickness. Life. Nausea. Green of the wilds plants that now cover the buildings, once intended for people, now claimed by tree, shrub, and vine. Green of the mold that coats the rot, devouring the uncared for.

Grey. Color of stability. Color of dullness. Strength. Emptiness. Grey of the concrete that the city is built from. Grey of the morning fog. Grey of the mists that sometimes cloud my mind.

Blue. Color of nourishment. Color of sadness. Serenity. Depression. Blue of the clear skies above, reflected in the waters below. Blue of the heavy veil that so often descends upon my family. Shinji. Blue of Shinji. My Earth. My place of comfort and nourishment.

Red. Color of warmth. Color of warning. Passion. Warmth. Death. Warning. Red of the fire, warming our home, cooking Shinji's delicious meals. Asuka. Red of Asuka. My sun. My bringer of life and color.

Used to hate red. Can't remember why, anymore.

Red of blood. Of pain. Of…

Wait. Blood on my leg. Shin. Ankle. Why is there blood? Why is there pain?

Shinji, yelling. Asuka, screaming. Why? Why are they upset? Why do I have blood-

Oh.

Rei blinked.

I've been shot.

She looked to Asuka, her sun. Source of warmth, light, and life. Her passion. Asuka was still screaming, staring at her in horror. But why?

She looked to Shinji, her Earth. Source of stability, calmness, and comfort. Her anchor. Shinji was also screaming, and trying to pull something from her hands. But what?

She looked down at her hands, and saw that she was now holding the MP5 that she had brought along in case they needed to defend themselves. Why though? Asuka had been the one to take it from the bag. Asuka had been the one to try to shoot those people.

People. Newcomers. Rei looked down at the street. They were fleeing, holding hands as they ran from their assailants. They didn't seem to be hurt, so Asuka's shot had missed. Strange, though. Some of them ought to have-

Then her leg buckled. Ah, right. She had been shot. By Asuka? By herself? How odd.

Then the world dissolved into sound and color, a child's finger painting of madness wrapped up in a splatter of voices. Yelling. Pain? Yes, there was pain, but the pain did not matter. All pain clears quickly, and Rei had suffered far, far, far worse.

Asuka and Shinji. Yelling. Yelling at each other. That was a shame. They were having such a nice day, too. Such a nice day…

…

Rei opened her eyes.

Home. She was home. Their apartment. Apartment 639, at the end of the hallway. Technically, all the apartments were theirs, but this was the one that they inhabited, that was set aside for living in, so that made it home.

Frowning, she looked around at her surroundings. She was on the couch, lying lengthwise with her leg propped up on the far armrest. Her bloodied leg had already healed, so that was good. Turning her leg, she saw several pink blotches marring the pale white of her skin, the telltale sign of recently healed wounds. Soon the pink would disappear, leaving her as she had been before.

Sometime Rei wished that the Gift of Eden was not so thorough. It was not fair that only Asuka's skin be forever scarred. She didn't like that one of her lovers be set apart in such a way.

However, though she had emerged back to reality and her leg fixed, the yelling hadn't stopped. Ah. Those were real, then. It was sometimes hard to tell. Rei turned her head to see Shinji and Asuka a few meters away, still in their swimwear and shouting. Again.

"What's wrong with you?" Shinji was yelling. "Why did you do that?"

"What, you think I meant to do that?" Asuka snarled back. "Are you stupid?"

"You shot Rei!"

"It was an accident! She grabbed the gun and it went off!"

Was that what happened? Rei had a hard time remembering. She did recall being awakened from her nap and hearing the voices of strangers-

No. Not strangers. Shoji Baba. Minoru Hatanaka. Hotaka Iwai. Kaede Fujino. You know them. You know everyone.

-and Asuka rushing to gun them down. After that, things in Rei's head got…swimmy. She had a vague recollection of a moment of panic, of fearing that their territory being invaded. But why did she try to take the gun from Asuka?

"She grabbed the gun because you were about to massacre those people!" Shinji snapped, thrusting a finger at Asuka.

Had that been the reason? Rei wasn't sure.

"They were trespassers!" Asuka cried. "We made a deal! A promise! We stay out of their territory, and they stay out of ours! They would've shot us on sight the second we stepped foot on their side!"

"Asuka, those people weren't from Tokyo-4! Did you see what they were wearing? Those were newcomers, fresh out of Instrumentality! They had no idea about any of that!"

Now Asuka was starting to look scared, which was odd. Asuka never looked scared. "Y-You don't know that!"

"Yes, I do!" Shinji snapped. "Do you honestly think that they'd bring a kid with them? Or that they'd call out for us if they were sneaking in? You almost killed a kid, Asuka!"

Rei winced. She covered her head.

"That's not…You don't-"

"Oh, hey, you want to talk about promises?" Shinji continued, chopping the side of his hand across the opposite palm. "What about the promise that you broke? The promise to not lie about when things are going bad?" He swung an accusatory finger over toward the agitated redhead. "You've been having nightmares! You've been having hallucinations! But instead of telling us like you're supposed to, you decided to bottle it up and shut us out! What's wrong with you?"

Now Asuka was absolutely screaming. "Don't tell me how to handle my-"

Finally, Rei had enough. "Stop it!" she shrieked, hands still covering her head. "Stop it! No more yelling! Just stop!"

Breaking from their argument, Shinji and Asuka hurried to her side. "Rei, are you all right?" Shinji said as they each sat down to either side of her.

Shaking her head, Rei bent forward, rocking back and forth in her seat. "No more yelling. No more yelling. No more yelling."

"I-" Shinji shot a quick look over to Asuka and sighed. "Okay."

"Well, I don't know why you're looking at me for," Asuka said sullenly. "You started it."

Rei winced. Sure enough, a spark of anger flashed through Shinji's eyes.

"Asuka," he said calmly. "Back off."

Asuka's face heated up. "Don't you-"

"Stop," Rei whimpered. She couldn't take this now, especially with the two of them on either side of her. "Both of you. Stop."

"I-" Her cheeks puffing up in frustration, Asuka abruptly got up and stomped off. "I'm taking a bath!"

Moments later, the door to the bathroom slammed shut.

Letting out a sigh, Shinji reached over to start massaging his fingers into the base of Rei's neck. "I shouldn't…I shouldn't have snapped at her like that. But…"

"Shinji." Rei reached up to grab onto his arm. "Please."

"I…Okay."

Rei finally raised her head to look at him. Shinji's permanently youthful face contorted with barely restrained emotion. Anger. Worry. Fear. Guilt. Years of careful control unraveling as he grappled with what just happened, the ghosts in his eyes in stark contrast to his boyish appearance.

Lifting her hand from his arm, Rei moved it to caress his cheek.

Shinji.

Third Child, chosen after Asuka.

Blue Shinji. My Earth. Nourishment. Stability. Comfort.

Calm Shinji. Harbor from the storm. Means of focus.

Catalyst Shinji. Murderer Shinji. Killed the world. My fault. My fault.

Broken Shinji. Guilt. Shame. Forever looking back. Forever bearing the shadow.

Son of-

NO!

She flinched. Seeing this, Shinji reached over and pulled her into his lap, turning her body around so that she was facing him, her arms hanging loosely around his shoulders. Taking in slow, shaky breaths, Rei found herself swaying back and forth, trying so hard to regain the control that had once been second-nature to her, but now felt like a fleeting dream. "I don't like it when they fight," she muttered under her breath. "I don't like it when they fight. I don't like it when they fight."

"Easy, Rei. Easy." Shinji then surrounded her with both arms, pulling her close. "Sorry. I saw what she did, what she was going to do, and just…lost my mind, I guess."

Nodding tearfully into Shinji's shoulder, Rei said, "So did she."

"Yeah," Shinji said. He cradled her head with his hand, his thumb gently stroking her hair. "She just…I knew she was holding it in, but I didn't think it was that bad."

Rei sniffed. Then she leaned forward, resting her body against his. "Please don't be mad at her."

"I'm not…" Shinji sighed. "I guess I'm just scared. I know she just wants to help, but if she keeps ignoring her own problems, then this is only going to get worse! She's going to get worse."

Rei sighed. "She has her pride."

"Which is stupid," Shinji growled. "It's just us! She can't possibly still be trying to compete!"

To this, Rei did not answer. She understood Shinji's frustration. Out of all of them, he was the most cognizant of the many issues that plagued him so as to avoid slipping back into hold habits. He had to be. And he expected the same from his soulmates.

However, Asuka simply came from a different mindset than him. Shinji had begun his second life having let down literally everyone that he cared about, followed by causing a mass extinction event. Asuka began hers being the one let down and cheated, robbed of her dignity and pride.

Maybe Asuka didn't feel the need to push the other two down anymore, but she still felt like she had to be better in some small regard.

Still, Rei agreed with Shinji, at least a little. She wished that Asuka wouldn't be like that. She wished that she would reach out for help more often.

But that was Asuka for you. She needed a purpose.

And what of you, Rei?

Rei's entire body tensed up as the deep, sonorous voice spoke to her, coming from the other side of the room.

What purpose do you serve? You were created for one single reason, and you fulfilled it. But in doing so, you betrayed everything that I raised you for. So, why do you still exist? What is your purpose now?

Trembling, Rei turned just enough to peek over her shoulder, just enough to glimpse the shape of a man sitting at the table across from her, hands folded in front of his face as he stared at her through a pair of thick, reflective glasses.

Rei winced and hastily looked away.

"Rei?"

Shinji must have felt how tense Rei's body had gotten. Gritting her teeth, she whispered, "Spotter."

There was a pause, and then Shinji said, "Who and where?"

"Behind me. Seated at the table. The Commander."

This time, the pause was even longer. When Shinji spoke again, his voice was calm, but the undercurrent of venom could not be missed. "He's not there, Rei."

Though she really didn't want to, Rei still mustered up enough courage to glance briefly over her shoulder. It wasn't until she saw that empty space behind the table that she allowed herself to relax back into Shinji's arms.

Right. Of course he wouldn't be. Just another hallucination. One would hope, after her Bad Day yesterday, she might be given some grace, but apparently they all were due.

Understanding her need, Shinji just continued to hold her, gently massaging her back with one hand and running his fingers through her hair with the other. "Now, this might sound crazy, but a part of me sometimes wishes that he'd come back."

That wasn't what Rei wanted to hear. "Why?" she whispered.

Shinji shrugged. "No more obligations. No more ties. I can finally say what I want to say to him, to tell him what I really think about him." The cheek pressed against Rei's shifted into a small smile. "Also, I'm immortal, and he wouldn't be. It'd be…cathartic."

Perhaps, but Rei was quite happy to go on living her life without Gendo Ikari reentering it. "Shinji, I assure you: there is nothing that you could do to him that would be worse than what your mother is doing to him right now."

Shinji sighed. "I guess. But it's not nearly as satisfying as doing it myself."

Rei understood that as well. In a way, that was one thing she had over Shinji, in that she actually was able to take her vengeance on his terrible father. Granted, it was very second, if not third-hand, in that she had still been a part of Lilith at the time, and her deeply seated loathing for Gendo Ikari had compelled Lilith to granted Gendo's wish of reuniting with his wife, with him not realizing that Yui Ikari had a few opinions regarding how her husband had treated their son, opinions that were quite strong.

When last Rei had heard, Gendo Ikari was still being educated as to the full extent of his wife's displeasure, and so long as Instrumentality existed, that lesson would never end.

However, forever was a long time.

"Perhaps he will return one day," Rei said. "More people return all the time. And if he ever does, you will still be here to greet him."

Shinji slowly breathed in and exhaled. "Yeah. That'll be something, huh?" The hand curled around Rei's bare waist slid down her side, fingers slipping beneath the strap of her bikini bottom to idly stroke her thigh. "I guess I should save a piece for you, huh?"

"I would be appreciated," Rei said. She finally moved back from Shinji, sitting back on her haunches where they straddled his leg, and smiled down at her boy. "And don't worry about Asuka," she said, reaching up with one hand to cup his face. "I'll talk to her."

Shinji raised an eyebrow. "Are you…sure that's a good idea? You know how she gets."

"I do," Rei said with a nod. She leaned in one last time to give him a gentle kiss. "Which is why I ought to speak to her."

"All right," Shinji said dubiously. Rei slipped off of his leg and headed toward the bathroom. Though her calf was now fully healed, she still found herself limping a bit on the way.

Reaching the door, Rei leaned forward and pressed her ear to it.

She heard the nothing saved for ragged breathing.

"Asuka?" she said.

No answer.

"Asuka, I'm coming in."

Fortunately, Asuka had not latched the door. Rei slid it open and stepped in.

The bathroom was large, intended for a full family, with the tub at one end and a large space in the middle for use of the shower stool. Of course, it hadn't exactly been in the best of shape when they first moved in, and with the city's plumbing permanently out of commission, it had taken an entire winter of teaching themselves the ins and outs of pipework, installing a reservoir that was fed from a nearby natural spring, and routing their apartment's pipes to it just so they had a reliable water supply, fresh from the taps. They even managed to get the water heater working, albeit on a limited level. Anyone who wanted a hot bath did so with the understanding that hot water wouldn't be available until the next day, at least.

Apparently, Asuka wanted a hot bath, though it didn't seem to be doing her any good. She sat naked in the tub, knees pulled up and eyes balefully staring at nothing. Despite the steam rising up, her body shivered as if with fever.

Rei paused, looking down at her.

Asuka.

Second Child, chosen soon after my creation.

Red Asuka. The sun. The light. The fire. My first.

Strong Asuka. So commanding. Would never had made it without her.

Scarred Asuka. Evidence of battle. Evidence of failure. Evidence of death.

Broken Asuka. Weak and vulnerable. Hates herself for it. Just like Shinji. Just like me.

Stepping inside, Rei let the door close.

Asuka gave her the barest of glances. "Well, go ahead," she mumbled.

"With what?" Rei inquired, her head tilted to one side.

"Yell at me. Tell me what I screw-up I am. You know you want to."

"I do not."

Asuka huffed. "Shinji does."

"Shinji is…" Rei paused, carefully mulling over her words. "He is worried about you. He knows that you are hurting, and is frustrated that you do not reach out for help."

"Well, he shouldn't bother," Asuka growling as she sulkily looked away. "I slipped up. Doesn't mean I-"

"I am worried too."

Asuka's already miserable face contorted even further. She tried to keep a small sob from escaping, but it still managed to squeeze out.

Kneeling down next to the tub, Rei reached in to take Asuka's hand. "I know that you feel the need to set yourself aside for our sakes. And I know that you feel the need to rely on your own strength. But you hurt just as much as we do. There is no weakness in relying on others for help."

Asuka's fingers curled around Rei's, but she didn't meet the other girl's eyes. Rei pursed her lips, and then stood to her feet.

From there, she began to undress.

Finally, Asuka's eyes flitted over to her as Rei undid the string tying her top in place, and when Rei stepped out of her bottom, she was really paying attention. Rei then stepped into the tub, flinching a bit as the steaming hot water flared up against the newly grown skin on her leg. The dried blood darkened the water, but neither cared.

Asuka shifted her legs to one side, allowing Rei to lower herself down and laid down across Asuka's side, snuggling into the redhead's warmth. Sighing, Asuka curled her arms around her, and the two lay together in the cramped tub. In another room, Shinji could be heard saying something, probably muttering to himself as he always did when he got upset. Other than that, there was silence.

"Asuka?" Rei murmured. "May I confess something to you?"

Asuka's weight shifted beneath Rei's body. "Ah, I guess?"

"But you cannot tell Shinji."

The arm around Rei's waist tensed up. "I thought that we didn't keep secrets from one another."

"We all have our secrets. That is why we rejected Instrumentality, is it not?"

"I guess so," Asuka admitted. "Okay. What is it?"

Rei closed her eyes. "If you had not done what you did…if you had not grabbed that gun and tried to shoot those people, then I would have."

"What?" Asuka jerked in surprise, sending water splashing over the edge of the tub. "Why?"

"For the same reason that you did," Rei told her. "I too thought that they were intruders, from the camps. Perhaps even Sanjiro." Even now, speaking that bastard's name left a sour taste in Rei's mouth. Asuka likewise winced at the reminder that he was still alive and free. "We were quite clear as to what the penalty would be for trespassing. Such promises mean nothing if they are not enforced."

"Still…" Asuka said. "That's kind of…harsh."

Rei declined to point out that Asuka was now taking Shinji's position from earlier. "Asuka, I hate them. I know that I should not, but after all that they've done to us, after how they treated you, after what they did to me, I hate them." Despite how hot the water was, a slow shiver crawled up through her body, starting in her toes before creeping up all the way to her shoulders. "Furthermore, I was made to hold the entirety of humanity's existence within myself. The experience was brief, and there is little that I actually remember, but it was enough to feel every sin of every person within me." She shivered. "I still am not entirely certain as to the state of my own humanity. I only know that there are exactly two people in all of existence that I love, and I wish to have nothing at all to do with the rest."

"Then why did you stop me?"

Rei squirmed in discomfort. "I don't know," she said, and honestly at that. "But I saw them, and realized who they were, and felt that I had to stop you."

"Maybe you knew Shinji wouldn't like it."

"That is a possibility."

Sighing, Asuka moved her hand up to cradle the back of Rei's head. "I don't get him sometimes," she said, one finger idly scritching where Rei's head met her neck. "After everything they've done, after everything we've become, why does he still want to be human?"

Pursing her lips, Rei let her own arms slide around Asuka's body beneath the water. "You know why."

"Well, he should get over it! They don't matter! All they ever do is hurt us! Besides, they'll all end up dead in the end anyway, so who cares if a couple randos end up…" Asuka's voice choked off in a sob, and her arms tightened around Rei as her own body began shaking. "Oh God," she whimpered. "I almost killed a little kid, Rei-Rei. I almost killed a little kid."

Rei swallowed back at the lump that she felt forming in her throat. "Asuka. Do you remember that dream that I had last night? The one I spoke of this morning?"

Sniffling, Asuka nodded into Rei's shoulder.

"All day, I have found myself thinking about that dream. It…confuses me. I felt guilt and shame upon awakening, even though I did not commit the atrocity that I performed in my dream. Even when Third Impact was initiated, it was largely carried out through Shinji and Lilith's will. I was…a vessel, as designed. My area of influence came down to choosing Shinji as the catalyst, something that both Adam and Lilith were in full agreement on. Of all the voices that called for Third Impact to take place, mine was easily the least important." Her fingers traced the ridges of Asuka's back, following the path of her spine. "And I have been given little reason to love humanity. So why do I feel this responsibility for their plight? Why can I not, as you suggest, simply separate myself from them and live my life?"

"What's your point?"

"My point is that perhaps we are, no matter how much we wish that it were not so, part of us still feels as Shinji does. To wish to return. To be accepted. To…To not…"

Asuka softly exhaled, her warm breath tickling Rei's cheek. "To just be treated like a goddamned person."

"Yes," Rei said. "Which you and I never really have."

"Ain't that the truth," Asuka said with a rueful chuckle. Finally, her smile began to perk up, and she lifted one dripping hand from the water to cup Rei's cheek. "Well, aren't we a couple of fucked up bitches?"

Returning the smile, Rei reached up to wrap her fingers around Asuka's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Still, I suppose it is well that neither of us succeeded."

"Yeah," Asuka said after a moment of hesitation. "It is." She sighed and let her hand drop back into the water. "They've probably found one of the camps by now, and are telling everyone about the psychos that tried to perforate them. Fuck."

"We do not have much a of reputation with them as it is," Rei reminded her. "It can hardly get worse. At the very least, any potential trespassers might be…discouraged."

"I hope so."

Despite the excitement from earlier, Rei felt calm. At peace. She enjoyed being held by Asuka. There was a possessiveness to how Asuka put her arms around her soulmates that Rei appreciated. It made her feel wanted. It made her feel like she was worth loving.

Once, it had not been that way. Once, Asuka did not consider Rei to be someone worthy of love. And to be truthful, Rei understood why. She had been an incomplete person at the time. A doll, as Asuka would so disparagingly call her.

No longer.

Rei didn't react as Asuka's right hand began to slide down her bluehaired girlfriend's slick back. She didn't react as it moved over her waist to come to rest on the back of her rump. She did, however, find herself smiling when those nimble fingers began to explore.

"Okay, my turn to confess something," Asuka said as she kneaded Rei's butt. "And you can tell Shinji if you want."

"I…ah…okay?"

"I'm still kind of upset that I was dead the whole time you were Lilith."

That most certainly was not what Rei had expected Asuka to say, and to be quite frank, she really didn't know the proper response. "I…any particular reason?"

"Because a giant naked Rei isn't something you get to see twice, and I missed it!"

Oh, of course, she was going to be silly about this. Rei sighed. "Well, if you want to so badly, then just go down to the coast. Lilith's body is still there."

"Still there in pieces. It's not the same thing." Then the hand playing with Rei's backside suddenly paused. "Hey, I just had a thought. The moon was made when Lilith's ship crashed into Earth, right? That big, black egg thing that's in a like a thousand pieces in the Geofront?"

"Ah…yes?" Why would Asuka want to know about that?

"Well, what if this isn't the first time Lilith fell apart? What if the moon is actually Lilith's giant severed ass cheek? Like, it just came off, and now it's floating there, forever."

Groaning in annoyance, Rei pressed her face into Asuka's sternum. "No, Asuka."

"No wonder they call it a full moon!"

"No, Asuka!"

"Hey, since your soul was technically Lilith at first, does that mean it's actually your giant ass cheek? Are you just in a constant state of mooning the world the whole-" Rei suddenly seized one of Asuka's cheeks and gave it a hard squeeze. "-Ow, hey!"

Laughing softly to herself, Rei then moved in, pushing herself up to join her mouth with Asuka's. As their lips met, her hand dipped down into the water.

There were a few tried and true ways to keep from fully succumbing to the madness that constantly danced behind their eyes and whispered in their ears. Keeping Moving was one such way. Keep yourself occupied. Never allow yourself to sink into despair. That was where Asuka excelled. Whenever one of her soulmates were in danger of wallowing in their own self-loathing, she always had something fun for them to do.

Another was intimacy. All three of them had come into their second life absolutely starved for human contact, and once they managed to work their way past one another's walls, they made sure to have plenty to give, with each of them having their own preferences and roles to play.

Shinji enjoyed closeness. Skin on skin, sharing warmth with the girls. Hugs. Cuddles. Even something so simple as holding hands. His needs were uncomplicated and undemanding. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy sex or other kinds of pleasure, as he most certainly did. They simply weren't what he preferred most of the time.

Asuka, however, was different, as she absolutely loved sex. If a day went by without having made love to both of them at least twice apiece, then she got cranky.

It made sense. Shinji was their Earth, while Asuka was the sun. And their preferences demonstrated that.

As for Rei, Asuka's joke about the moon wasn't entirely off. Not to say that the actual, physical moon in the sky really was Lilith's severed buttock, but that she felt something of a kinship of the heavenly body that had been created from the debris of her predecessor's arrival. Like the moon, Rei found her moods and preferences reflecting that of her partners. If Shinji wanted to cuddle, then Rei was more than happy to do just that. When Asuka wanted sex, then Rei did as well, and vice-versa. It didn't matter to her. To Rei, a squeeze of the fingers or a fuck amounted to the same thing, as they were both intimate expressions of love.

Of course, some did feel much better than others, on a simple, primal level, one that Rei and Asuka took great delight in experiencing.

Finally, they were done and feeling better, again lying comfortably in each other's arms. Rei could have fallen asleep like that, if it weren't for the knowledge that they probably would need to leave the tub soon. Shinji probably still felt rotten, and things between him and Asuka needed to be resolved.

Then Asuka slowly breathed out. "I just…I just wanted us to have a good day together. A fun day. Yesterday sucked so much. I just wanted for us to have fun."

Rei smiled. "It was a fun day, one that I really needed."

"Rei. I shot you."

"An accident, one that does not take away from what happened before. I needed today, Asuka." Rei lifted her head and moved up to brush her lips against Asuka's. "Thank you."

Later, after they had finished and emerged from the bath, they toweled their dripping bodies off and stepped out into the hall. Shinji wasn't in the bedroom, so they dressed in clean clothes, Asuka pulling on a yellow tanktop with a frilled hem and a pair of blue shorts while Rei donned a red-and-white striped crop top and a blue skirt, and headed out to find him.

They found Shinji still seated on the couch, slumped forward with his head in his hands, body rocking back and forth as he muttered under his brief. Rei's conscience panged a bit at seeing him like that. It was how he got whenever he felt that he had hurt one of the girls, when all of those insidious insecurities came creeping out of the dark place in his mind to regain control and smother him in self-loathing.

Shinji had come a long way from the loathsome wreck he had been after Third Impact. That did not mean that he was healed. None of them were.

Asuka sighed and exchanged a look with Rei. Rei inclined her head toward the boy. She had talked to Shinji already. It was Asuka's turn.

Crossing the room, Asuka sat down next to Shinji and grabbed his hand, pulling it away from his head. Now that she had his attention, they began to talk. As they did, Rei turned and walked away to leave them to it.

…

If there was one rule that was strictly adhered to, that all three of the Evangelion Pilots agreed was absolutely paramount to getting through eternity together, it was that once a matter was settled, it was settled.

Yes, they had arguments. They fought. They squabbled and bickered and sometimes screamed at one another. A couple of times things escalated to blows. However, when everything was finally resolved, when they had gotten all of those horrible feelings and thoughts out of their system and had come together again, there would be no resentment, no pouting. The conflict was truly resolved.

As such, now that everyone had calmed down, Shinji and Asuka headed over to the theater room to play Streetfighter. Rei watched them for a bit, but soon headed off. She enjoyed video games well enough, but at the moment, she was hungry.

With that, she left the two opponents to their forfeit and headed into the kitchen. From the fridge she grabbed a couple of bean paste rolls, a few apples, a pear that felt just a little too ripe, and a slice of onion pie.

As she turned away with her plate of snacks, she caught sight of her distorted reflection in the refrigerator's stainless-steel front and paused.

An almost shapeless blob of monochrome and color. White flesh and white stripes on your shirt. Black stripes. Pale blue hair and skirt. Red eyes.

None of it original. None of it yours.

Flesh of Lilith. Face of Yui Ikari. Blue. The color of Shinji. Red. The color of Asuka. Your soul, once the soul of Lilith, now just a shallow copy of a short sequence of experiences. Are you even the original Rei Ayanami, or just another copy of a copy? Even your cute sense of fashion is only what Asuka suggested that you wear!

Rei's face twitched.

What purpose do you serve, Rei? You have lingered on past your expiration date, now kept on by your soulmates out of pity. At least they were born human. At least they have the God-given right to forsake all human attachments, whereas you pretend to-

Rei hurled the pear at the refrigerator. It splattered against the door, smearing the steel with juice and pulp. Then she sat down at the table and ate her snack. It was good.

Once she was done, she threw away the remains, cleaned the plate and placed it on the drying rack, cleaned up the remains of the pear, and left the apartment to head a few doors down into the apartment that they had converted into their personal gym.

The gym, unfortunately, had not proven to be as useful as any of them had hoped. At first, there was much excitement to having a place to exercise and train, stocked with whatever weights and equipment that they could haul in. Unfortunately, as it turned out, having immortal bodies frozen in time had its downsides, as any micro-tears to the muscles simply healed themselves up without building strength or mass, rendering lifting weights utterly pointless. It was well that NERV's training regimen had meant that all three were already in exceptional shape for their age come Third Impact, but that was as fit as they ever were going to get.

However, having a home gym still had its uses. While building strength was out of the question, their stamina and reflexes could still be honed, so they simply switched up their workout regimes. Besides, physical exercise still got the blood flowing and still provided a dopamine release, so it wasn't without its psychological uses.

In more ways than one.

Rei stripped down and donned a pair of spandex trunks and a sports bra. Then, after a series of stretches to warm up, she pulled on a pair of boxing gloves and headed over to one of the punching bags suspended from the ceiling.

The first few strikes were short and without rancor, just a way to get into the groove of things. She circled the hanging bag of sawdust, shooting off quick jabs. Then she paused.

Outside the shuttered window, the city lay quiet, save for the gentle wind and chittering of the cicadas. More were coming back every year. In the first few years following Third Impact, there had been barely at all, but the world was healing.

Rei envied the world.

She took a deep breath and concentrated, letting her mind slip from the steel trap that safeguarded it from the madness that always lurked behind her eyes. That madness she focused onto the surface of the bag, letting it warp before her eyes, becoming a stern bearded face, cold eyes hidden behind a pair of thick glasses.

You disappoint me, Rei. You were my greatest creation, and now-

With a guttural cry of rage, Rei slammed her fist right into Gendo Ikari's face.

Over and over she struck, hitting him again and again, smashing his glasses and pulverizing his face. His nose broke in a spray of blood, his teeth shattered, his glass-pierced eyes caved in.

But Rei wasn't done. Gendo's face continued to warp, changing from one person to the next. Dr. Ritsuko Akagi, who had debased and dehumanized Rei her entire second life. Dr. Naoko Akagi, who had robbed her of half of her soul. Dr. Kozo Fuyutsuki, who had been Commander Ikari's primary enabler. Major Misato Katsuragi, who had claimed to have Shinji's best interests at heart but ended up as an active participant in his abuse. Makoto Hyuuga, who had gone from turning a blind eye to the Pilots' mistreatment while in NERV to doing the same when he became the leader of the Tokyo-4 refugees, only on a much more personal scale. Kaworu Nagisa, the reincarnation of Adam, who had befriended Shinji only to break him. General Narita, who had tried to take Asuka away from them. Touji Suzuhara, who of all people ought to understand the pains of being an Evangelion Pilot, and yet turned his back on them in the end. Kenta Watanabe, who was the principal reason why the three pilots were so discriminated against during their brief time in the camp. Sanjiro Abe, who had tried to violate Rei and was now hailed as a hero for it. And more. So many more.

Still screaming, Rei continued to pound away, smashing each and every one of them to pulp. Piping hot fury coursed through her, and she unleashed it upon those hateful faces. How dare they? How dare they?

Finally, the most hated face of all emerged, the face that so resembled her own, the face of Lilith.

Lilith, from whose body Rei had been created.

Lilith, whose desires Rei had been destined to fulfill.

Lilith, whom Rei had been groomed to become the vessel for.

Lilith, the reason why Rei had destroyed the world.

Lilith, to whom Rei owed everything.

With one last scream, Rei slammed her gloved fists into her mirror-image in a final burst of fury, pulverizing the mirror-image of her own face, leaving it as lumpy and shapeless as Lilith herself before Rei had rejoined with her.

Then, completely spent, Rei collapsed, slumping against the wall and sliding down to the ground. She gathered her legs up, curling into a tight ball like Asuka had in the bath, and began to softly weep.

"Wark?"

Sniffling, Rei wiped the tears from her eyes and looked up to see a large yellow beak and two beady eyes staring at her in concern.

"Hello, Pen-Pen," Rei sighed.

"Wark!"

"I am all right, thank you. I simply needed to…vent some frustrations."

"Wark."

The genetically modified penguin waddled over and squirmed his way beneath her right arm. Laughing softly, Rei unstrapped her right glove with her teeth to free her hand, pulled off the left, and wrapped her arms around the warm bundle of soft fluff.

Rei hated all but two people. But animals were all right. And this one in particular she was very fond of.

"Thank you, my friend."

…

Freshly cleaned up again and changed back into her clothing, Rei reentered their apartment, Pen-Pen waddling behind. Though she saw it literally every day, Rei still took the time to look around their shared living space and admire it all.

Given how much stuff they had scavenged and brought home with them, the Evangelion Pilots' living space was getting to be a bit on the cluttered side, and the eclectic nature of their collection meant that their decorating sensibilities ended up having little rhyme or reason. Yes, they all had their preferences, what with Shinji and his plants and Asuka and her toys and Rei and her anything that she happened to find interesting, it all had to share shelf space, making for a chaotic sight.

Rei loved it. She loved the color, she loved the variety, she loved the stark differences in what they each liked to collect and how it all coexisted together. One shelf held a Buddha mascot taken from a Chinese restaurant, matched pair of stuff cats that were supposedly extremely rare collectibles from some animated show that Asuka swore was a classic but still couldn't find any media of, a bronze statue of a ballerina, a small potted Venus flytrap, an antique ceremonial dagger, and a jagged chunk of what looked like blue crystal but was actually a piece of that cubical Angel that she and Shinji had defeated through use of a high-powered positronic rifle and an extremely heavy shield. Rei had very few happy memories from the Before Times, but she liked that one. It was the first time she had smiled for Shinji.

Speaking of whom, Rei headed over to the game room and peaked in. Sure enough, the game was still live on the screen, but remained on the title screen, while the players themselves were engaged in…other activities.

"Ah," Rei said. "I assume a definitive winner was decided?"

From his spot on his knees, Shinji lifted his head with a sheepish smile. "Uh, yeah," he said, wiping his mouth. "Blanka sweep."

Asuka, who was leaning back with her cheeks flushed and both arms thrown over the back of the couch, opened her eyes to regard Rei with a small, languid smile. "It's good to be the king," she murmured. "Care to join us?"

The offer was tempting, but Rei shook her head. "Thank you, but no," she said. "It's your reward."

Rei headed to the study, which was her personal favorite room in the apartment, from its old, comfortable furniture to the rows upon rows of literature that filled the shelves on every wall. Rei, who briefly held the entirely of human knowledge within her, felt that this was by far the more appealing method to digest it all.

She was already smiling from having watched Asuka and Shinji, but that smile perked up a bit as her mind went back to the first time that she ever picked up a book of her own accord.

Shinji, there is something wrong with this book! It is doing something to me! I don't understand it.

Uh, it seems like a normal book to me, Rei. What's wrong with it?

Rei traced her fingers over the weathered spines of their collection, many of which she had read already, several she had yet to get to but absolutely would. In time, many of these volumes would have to be retired to storage to make way for fresh material. After all, when you had nothing but time, it was expected to eventually check everything off of your bucket list.

When I read the words, pictures appear in my head! I can see the characters and events! Is this some sort of virtual reality technology? I do not see any sort of neural hookup.

Rei, that's just called having an imagination. Everybody does that when they read.

They do? And this is normal?

Of course it is! Haven't you ever read a book for fun before?

No. I never understood the point. The pictures never appeared to me before.

Clearly, choosing to self-destruct Unit-00 along with herself had been the best decision that she ever made.

Rei pulled out the book she was currently going through, opened it to where her bookmark sat, and lay back on one of the couches to read.

Two-and-a-half chapters later, the door to the study opened, and Shinji and Asuka walked in, the afterglow of their post-match activities still shining on their faces.

"Hey there," Shinji greeted her, his voice just a little bit breathless. "Don't mind us. Just getting ready to put dinner on."

Rei nodded, and watched as Shinji went over to the cookbooks. She continued to watch as he pulled a couple off of the shelf, nodded to the two girls, and left the room.

Once he was gone, Rei then glanced over to Asuka, who also had been watching. And leering. Sensing Rei's eyes upon her, Asuka glanced over to her and smirked.

"You two seem to have made up rather handily," Rei remarked.

"Yeah, you worked your magic again," Asuka said, walking over to plop down in Rei's lap. "We talked it out. I said I would ask for help more often, he tried to apologize for yelling and I stopped him, so we're all good."

"Hmmm." Rei turned her attention back to her book. "You know, you're going to have to lift that restriction off of him sooner or later."

Asuka snorted. "No, I don't. Don't want him falling back on bad habits. Hey, is that the golf book?"

Rei brightened. "It is, indeed! The protagonist recently acquired an experimental one-man submersible and is using it to infiltrate the antagonist's underwater secret base. At the moment, he has attracted the attention of a giant squid, and is attempting to use the submersible's electromagnetic weaponry to fend the creature off."

"Okay, that does sound fucking awesome," Asuka admitted. "Though what does that have to do with golf?"

Rei sighed and turned the page. "Golf only comes into play in the one chapter. Though I do note that the description of the game, its rules, and its history was given greater detail than the actual scene of copulation between the protagonist and the woman he was sent to seduce."

"Oh, that's right!" Asuka leaned over, craning her neck to try to see the book's pages. "So, they actually bang? Nice."

Here, Rei made a face. "I suppose. Unfortunately, in the next chapter, the antagonist discovers his wife's infidelity, and feeds her to his pet crocodiles. It was a surprisingly gruesome scene, and again, described in more detail than the actual sex. I found it odd."

"He…Rei, come on!" Asuka's face fell. "Spoilers!" She got off of Rei and headed over to where her manga collection was kept.

"I apologize, but you did ask," Rei said as Asuka picked out a volume and plopped onto one of the overstuffed easy chairs.

"Yeah, I guess that one's on me," Asuka groused as she pulled her legs up. "Still, what kind of writer skimps on the sex just to kill off the babe?"

"I agree," Rei said. "I found her to be one of the more compelling characters, and was disappointed that she was removed from the story so suddenly, and in such a graphic manner. It felt…a waste."

"Bet you anything that the author is into that sort of thing. Like, more than real sex. Also, he probably gets stiff every time he plays golf."

"I…did not consider that," Rei admitted. "Does a golf fetish exist?"

Asuka shrugged. "How the hell should I know? People are weird. You should know; you're the one that saw it all."

Though Asuka wasn't wrong, the reminder still made Rei shiver. "My memories of the sins of mankind are, thankfully, not detailed. It's more of this…blob of disgust in my mind. To be honest, most of what I learned from Instrumentality is gone, save for a few select impressions. I presume that Lilith kept the bulk of those memories."

"She can keep them."

"Agreed." Then Rei cocked her head. "Though if I recall, didn't you retain some recollection from your time in Instrumentality?"

Most of the people who had reconstructed themselves from Instrumentality did not retain any memory of their time joined together as one being, which was for the best. With their AT-fields rebuilt, their individualistic minds probably wouldn't be able to handle the strain. There were exceptions, however. Shinji remembered everything, while Asuka remembered only some.

"Just the stuff about people that I knew," Asuka said after a beat. "Mostly Shinji, though there were bits and pieces of you, and a little bit of Misato. That part was…weird."

Rei nodded. "It was."

"Hey, do you think she'll ever come back? Misato, I mean. Sure, Shinji said that she went kablooie, but it's not like my condition was much better."

Rei felt the side of her eye twitch. "The Major did indeed enter Instrumentality, so she has as much of a chance as anyone else of returning."

Catching Rei's tone, Asuka put her book down to look over to Rei. "You don't sound so thrilled about the idea."

Pursing her lips, Rei shrugged. "I did not know her as well as you and Shinji did. After all, she never attempted to reach out to me like she did you two. She never offered to take me into her home. She never attempted to console me after a battle. She never attempted to form any sort of bond."

"So, you got an issue with her because of that?"

"I have an issue with everyone who ever wore a NERV uniform," Rei answered. "The Major is not exempt from that. She showed greater kindness toward you and Shinji than most, and for that she has my thanks. But she was still complicit in…a great deal. And I do not approve of certain…decisions of hers toward the end."

"Wow," Asuka said, her brow raising. "Kind of harsh. I mean, she was sort of dying and desperate. And say what you will about Shinji, it's not like he was making things any easier."

Rei shrugged. Truth be told, her soulmates' former guardian was not a subject that she wished to discuss. She understood their lingering affection toward her (well, Asuka's anyway), but it was not a sentiment that she shared.

"If she ever does return, then I will…tolerate her, for your sake," Rei said. "But if she falls back on old habits or attempts to follow up on her and Shinji's last moments together, then there will be an issue. That is all I can promise."

To this, Asuka did not respond, and soon the two girls went back to their respective books, silently reading as they waited for Shinji to call them for dinner.

…

Shinji outdid himself. Chicken pesto pasta. Rabbit curry. Steamed Brussel sprouts. A sweet salad of nuts, raisins, and berries. White rice. While the mackerel that Asuka had speared formed the centerpiece, cooked shioyaki-style.

They all had their ways of burning off steam. For Rei, it was punching the imaginary faces of everyone that she hated. For Shinji, it was cooking. Good thing, too. Rei was famished!

Her mouth was watering as she and Asuka helped set the table, though she exercised enough self-control to not start grabbing at the food. Shinji set out Pen-Pen's dinner for him, and the three of them took their places around the table. They bowed their heads in thanks, and Rei didn't even bother raising hers again before digging in.

Immortality was hungry work. All of that constant regeneration had to come from somewhere, so their meals were large and their snacks frequent.

For several minutes, the three hungry pilots just focused on eating. But as their hunger began to ebb, they began talking, and it wasn't long before their conversation drifted toward the little shooting incident from earlier. "You know, we're probably going to be hearing from Hyuuga and the rest of the ghoul squad before too long," Asuka pointed out, a dark expression on her face.

Shinji shook his head. "We'll tell them the truth," he said between bites of mackerel. "They startled us, and we reacted. It's not like they don't already think of us as trigger-happy."

"And if they try to use this to get Temple Heights taken away from us?" Asuka pressed. "Because you know that they will."

Rei paused, her mouth full of partially-slurped noodles. She bit them in half, swallowed, and declared, "If they try, I will kill Hyuuga myself," she declared.

Shinji winced. "Guys, no."

"You know it'll be that JSSDF fuck Watanabe pushing for it," Asuka pointed out.

"Him too," Rei said.

Shinji's hands came down onto the table, not hard enough to be considering a slam, but enough to call attention to himself. "Nobody's killing anyone!" he said in a firm voice. "Nothing happened that wasn't in our agreement. If they want to complain about what happens to newcomers, then we'll adjust."

"If they try anything, I will do to their ruling body what you did to General Narita," Rei said in a flat tone.

"You'll walk in with a bomb in your belly?" Asuka asked.

"No, you're not!" Shinji said, shooting Rei a warning look. "One, they already know that we can do that, so they'll be looking for it! Two, if you do that, the rest of them will swarm us! We'll lose Temple Heights anyway, and we'll end up buried in cement and dropped into the ocean!"

Rei pouted. Shinji's logic was sound, but she still really, really wanted to try.

"I can make certain adjustments for-"

"And three!" Shinji jabbed his spoon at her. "Nobody, and I repeat, nobody is going to kill anyone!"

"Without provocation," Asuka corrected. When Shinji glowered at her, she merely popped a bit of rabbit into her mouth and chewed. "What? Agreements don't mean anything if they're not kept. Someone from over there deliberately crosses the line, and we kill them. That's what we told them."

Shinji let out a defeated sigh. "Okay, but we're not assassinating anybody," he said. "We can't afford to go to war. Immortal or not, they still outnumber and outgun us by…a lot."

A good point, as loath as Rei was to admit it. Asuka made a face and went back to eating, so she evidently agreed.

Mumbling to herself, Rei looked down at her hands, hands that once embraced the Earth, hands that once rent all of humanity apart. She had given up so much power in separating herself from Lilith, power that she might be able to use to-

No. Not those hands. The hands that did all of those things were still floating in several pieces just offshore. These hands were new, created specifically for her.

But did that make them hers?

I told you. Nothing you have is yours. Your body is all counterfeit parts. Your soul a copy of a copy. You have no purpose, no true form.

But my experiences are my own. My thoughts are my own.

People hate and reject you because they know what you are. Before, you did not care what happened to your body. Because it was just a body. You knew that it was not yours. Now you try to claim ownership over a cheap fake.

"Rei?"

The ears that Rei used heard Shinji speak the name that she had been given, but she did not find it within herself to respond.

You were always a fake. All those who ever rejected you did so as the body rejects a foreign bacteria or a virus.

Those fingers curled into loose fists. It wasn't fair. No matter what, she was never allowed to just be.

Be what? Be what, one who is called Rei Ayanami? Be what?

Then a hand covered one of those fists. "Rei," Shinji said softly. "Look at me."

The one called Rei did not.

"Rei." Shinji's hand closed around those fingers. "Come on. Look at me."

He knew. Shinji didn't even have to ask. He just knew.

The face that Rei wore scrunched up, but she finally instructed the head that she had been given to turn toward him.

Shinji had a small, reassuring smile. "You are you. Remember that." He laid a hand on the body's shoulder. "You're not Lilith. You are Rei Ayanami. This body is yours. This mind is yours. And this soul is yours, okay?"

Right. Hers. Her body. Her face. Hers.

Rei slowly let out the breath she had been holding. "I'm fine, I'm fine," she said. "I am sorry. I…slipped."

"Hey," Asuka said suddenly from across the table. "Rei-Rei. Look at me."

Rei complied, lifting her head toward the light in her sky.

Though she was speaking around a mouthful of food, Asuka held her fingers in a V-sign in front of her eyes to make sure she had Rei's focus and said, "Forget everyone that you came from. Everything that you have now is yours. You belong to yourself, and you belong to us. No one else."

Swallowing back at the lump in the body's…in her throat, Rei nodded.

And then Asuka grinned. "Except for maybe Shinji's mom. Because if you want to get technical about things-"

Rei snatched up a handful of nuts and raisins and threw them at her.

…

After the dinner dishes had been cleaned and the rest of the food safely stored away, the trio headed up to the seventh floor to enjoy the evening, Pen-Pen waddling just behind.

There, a huge chunk of one of the walls had been blasted away, exposing the connected apartment to the open air. Rather than waste time trying their hands at construction, they had simply cleared away the rubble and turned it into their deck, setting up a firepit and chairs, a cupboard for snacks, and even a small refrigerator for the drinks.

Shinji piled up the dry kindling mixed with pieces of old paper and lumps of coal. Soon, warm flames licked at the sky, lighting up the small, cozy space. Rei headed over the fridge and pulled out three black glass bottles, all of them filled with Angel's Tears sake, which they brewed themselves from a recipe curated toward their unique dietary needs. When you were in possession of a metabolism as powerful as theirs, you needed something especially potent just to feel it.

Sometimes, Rei wondered how a normal human being would react to what they drank daily. She suspected that they would become violently ill, at the very least.

Once the fire was burning bright, they settled down together close to the firepit to enjoy the evening, with the penguin settling down across from them in his little pool chair. Rei took a long drink from her bottle, savoring how the spices sizzled on her tongue and the bite of the alcohol as it burned down her throat.

"You know, I'm starting to develop a sort of a theory," Asuka remarked, staring into the flames.

Shinji raised an eyebrow. "Concerning?"

"Our hallucinations. I mean, sometimes they're completely random, and just sort of happen whenever they feel like it. But I've noticed that more and more, they're coming in groups for all three of us." She gestured toward Shinji with her bottle. "You had two of them this morning. I had two of them this afternoon, and one of them was a doozy. And Rei had her Bad Day yesterday-"

"Actually, I had one earlier today," Rei admitted. "Gendo Ikari. Right before I joined you in the bath."

"Wait, really?" Asuka said, sitting up straighter in her seat. "I mean, I noticed that you were kind of frazzled, but I figured it was because of the fight."

Rei shook her head, frowned, and then shrugged. "Well, yes, but it was both."

"Well, that just further proves my point!" Asuka exclaimed. "It's like…Okay, you know how when you get a bunch of women living together, their periods eventually sync up and start happening at the same time?"

Shinji's face darkened. "Yes. I remember. Dark times."

"What?" Rei asked in confusion.

Asuka let out a sharp cackle. "Oh, back in the day, me and Misato started charging the red gate at the same time. Poor Shinji got caught in the middle of it."

"Charging the…" Did she mean the Gates of Guf? But that didn't make any sense at-Oh. "Wait, you mean ovulation, right?"

"She does," Shinji sighed. "No offense, girls, but I'm glad neither of you got locked in to that state."

"Oh, my fucking God, yes." A full-body shiver swept through Asuka. "Having to be on the rag for all eternity? That would be a little slice of Hell."

Rei felt that Asuka's original point was starting to go off-track. "You are saying that just as multiple women living in close proximity will have their ovulation periods sync up to happen at the same time, the rate in which we experience these hallucinations might also sync up as well."

"I hope not," Shinji said, making a face. He took a long swig from his bottle. "It's easier when it's just one of us having a Bad Day. If all three of us regularly had one at the same time…"

Asuka shrugged. "We managed today pretty well." Shinji pursed his lips, clearly in disagreement, but did not argue.

"What did you hallucinate today, Asuka?" Rei asked. "You said that one of them was, um, a doozy?"

Her face turning sour, Asuka leaned back and took deep drink from her own bottle. For a moment, Rei thought that Asuka might not respond, but then the capricious German said, "First time around was right after I caught that fish. It was Kaji again, teasing me over our relationship."

"Ah," Rei said. That was one of Asuka's more common ghosts.

"The second time was during our water gun fight. I ducked into this store and just…" Wincing, Asuka shook her head and huffed. "Okay, there was a bunch of mirrors, and I was seeing myself reflected several times over. Only it was…other Asukas. What I'd look like if I really grew up. What I'd look like if I wasn't a god. Me as a child. That sort of thing." She then made a hocking sound deep in her throat, turned her head, and spat. "And then there were a bunch of dolls with nooses around their necks. So, you know. Played that old favorite."

Shinji muttered a German curse that he had grown fond of. "Asuka, I'm-"

"No." Asuka thrust a finger at him. "You're still not allowed to say 'I'm sorry.' Got it?"

Shinji held up his palms.

"Besides, you were…" Asuka grimaced. "…you might have had a point about not saying anything. I mean, it's not like either of you were around to be spotter, but maybe I should have said something after…" She sighed. "Fuck. It was like the world was trying to ruin our day."

"Well, I had fun," Shinji said. "And, to be honest, after Kaworu and Misato, I kind of needed it. So, thanks."

Asuka's mouth thinned out. She glanced over to Shinji, gave a short nod, and silently took another drink.

The three of them sat together in silence, listening to the crackle of the fire and the singing of the night insects. After Third Impact, the summer cicadas had lessened for a time, but now they were back. Rei actually didn't mind them. Their constant chirping could actually be soothing at times, a pleasant white noise that helped quiet the troublesome voices.

Rei allowed herself to relax a little. It was all right. Yes, things had gotten a little hectic, but it was still all right. They still had their freedom. They still had their home. And they still had each other. That was all that she needed.

Her eyes then went to her hand, which was idly drumming a repeating beat against the side of her chair. That was nothing new. Her hands often started drumming, tapping, or flapping whenever she wasn't paying attention, and if they weren't, her legs would start bouncing. Some sort of glitch in her body's nervous system, perhaps. However, she also found herself recognizing the beat that she had been unconsciously following.

Smiling, Rei kept it up, and started singing softly.

"I've got my ticket for the long way 'round. Two bottle whiskey for the way. And I sure would like some sweet company."

"And I'm leaving tomorrow, what'd you say?" Asuka suddenly sang, joining in. Rei caught her eye, and they both smiled. Chuckling, Shinji reached over to grab the old, but still functional, guitar that was lying nearby.

With Shinji strumming and both Rei and Asuka drumming their hands, all three sang together for the chorus. "When I'm gone. When I'm gone. You're gonna miss me when I'm gone. You're going to miss me by my hair, you're going to miss me everywhere, oh. You're going to miss me when I'm gone."

Asuka led off the second verse. "I've got my ticket for the long way 'round. The one with the prettiest of views."

"Wark, wark!" chimed in Pen-Pen.

Rei and Shinji leapt in. "It's got mountains, it's got rivers. It's got sights to give you shivers, but it sure would be prettier with you."

They again sang the chorus, and when the last bit faded, Rei was feeling even better.

"You know, sometimes I wish we could just do that," Asuka said. "Just…leave."

Rei's brow furrowed. "You mean, abandon our home?"

"Well, sort of?" Asuka shrugged. "Maybe not that, but…disappear. Go someplace where nobody will recognize us. Like Mexico, you know?"

"Asuka…" Rei sighed. She lifted a hand to touch her distinctive bob of blue hair and touched a finger to the edge of her red eye.

"I know, I know," Asuka said, making a sour face. "But it would be nice. It's not anyone would…miss us."

Asuka's voice cracked a little at the end, and she fell silent. So did Rei. Shinji said nothing at all.

They sat for a time in thoughtful silence. At some point, Shinji began strumming at the guitar again.

Rei wondered if any of their current neighbors were close enough to hear. She was pretty sure that the scouts would spy on them from time to time, which irked her. Maybe Asuka had a point. Tokyo-3 was getting a little too populated for her taste.

Then Shinji's idle strumming turned into an actual melody, one that was familiar. And he started singing. "I wish you would step back from the ledge, my friend. We could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in. And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand."

Both Rei and Asuka joined in on the word "understand." Then the girls fell silent, letting Shinji take the next part again.

"The angry boy, a bit too insane, icing over a secret pain," he sang as he continued playing. "You know you don't belong."

He glanced over to Asuka, who took the lead. "You're the first to fight, you're way too loud. You're the flash of light, on a burial shroud. I know something's wrong."

Rei then took over, singing in her soft, melodic voice. "Well, everyone I know has got a reason to say, put the past away."

Again, all three joined in for the chorus. "I wish you would step back from that ledge my friend. You could cut ties with all the lies that you've been living in. And if you do not want to see me again, I would understand."

For the second verse, Rei took the first part. "Well, he's on the table and he's gone to code. And I do not think anyone knows what they are doing here."

"And your friends have left, you've been dismissed," Shinji sang. "I never thought it would come to this. And I want you to know."

Rei then saw tears glistening in Asuka's eyes. Even so, her voice held as she sang, "Everyone's got to face down the demons. Maybe today we can put the past away."

They again started the chorus together, but then Asuka's voice stuttered near the end, and she stopped.

The other two stopped singing as well, and Shinji put the guitar down. "Asuka?" he said.

Wiping her eyes with her wrist, Asuka swallowed hard and said, "I'm okay. It's just…man. We really could've used someone like that, someone to talk off the ledge. In the Before Times, I mean."

Shinji grimaced. "We, uh, could have, yeah. But it's not like we were even that for each other."

"We are now, though," Rei pointed out.

"Yeah," Asuka said after a beat. "What were we thinking, though? I mean, you had half your soul missing, Rei-Rei. But I was such a bitch."

Shinji grimaced. "Asuka, come on. It's not like I was much better."

"Exactly! You were hurting too! But I couldn't see that! I was so caught up-"

"Asuka," Rei said, her tone gentle, yet firm. "Shinji. Whatever happened to putting the past away?"

A beat passed, and then Asuka let out a long, shuddering breath that turned into a small laugh. "You always seem to know just what it say, Rei-Rei." She then held out her arms toward Shinji. "C'mon, hand that guitar over. It's my turn to choose the song.

Shinji complied, and Asuka strummed a few chords before beginning her choice.

"Fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars."

Rei couldn't help but smile. The song was a favorite of their, though she strongly suspected that Asuka's motivations for choosing it had a little more to do with their previous conversation comparing said moon to her posterior.

"Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars," they all sang together. "In other words, hold my hand. In other words, baby, kiss me."

At that last part, Asuka leaned over to kiss Rei's cheek, her finger turning the albino girl's head so that their lips met. Then she moved over Rei to kiss Shinji as well. Smiling, Rei waited for Asuka to settle back before turning and giving Shinji a kiss of his own before the three of them started the next verse.

"Fill my heart with song and let me sing for ever more." Shinji's hand closed over Rei's. "You are all I long for, all I worship and adore." Though her hands were occupied with the guitar, Asuka still smiled at her two soulmates with affection. "In other words, please be true. In other words, I love you."

Then, for…reasons, Asuka decided to take things back to the first verse.

With…alterations.

"Fly me to the moon," she sang. "It is Rei's gigantic ass."

Shinji had to stop singing on account of doubling over in a futile attempt to stifle the sudden fit of laughter. Rei's mouth fell open as she stared at Asuka. Asuka wasn't really going make it that blatant, was she?

"Let me see what it is like to smother myself in those enormous-"

"Asuka, stop!" Rei wailed, lunging over to tackle the redhead. "It's not the moon! I was never the moon!"

Laughing, Asuka let Rei bowl her over. "Yes, you are! You're my moon! My full moon!"

"Nooo, I'm not! Not like that!" Rei tried to shove her hands over Asuka's mouth, but Asuka had already squirmed out from beneath her to flip her onto her back.

"I'd ask what in the hell you two are talking about," Shinji said as he walked over to the wrestling pair. "But it's kind of funnier without context."

"Shinji, help!" Rei wailed as she tried in vain to outmuscle the much stronger Asuka. "She-"

And then Asuka's fingers jabbed into Rei's side. Rei's eyes bulged, and she gasped as those fingers began tickling her all over.

"A-Asuka, stop!" she half-whined, half-laughed. "This isn't…This isn't funny!"

Apparently, Asuka disagreed.

As Rei writhed and laughed as she struggled against Asuka's fingers, Shinji got up from the piano and walked over to the two wrestling girls. Folding his arms, he looked down at them, eyes flitting first to Rei, who was flat on her back trying helplessly to push Asuka off of her, and Asuka, who was bent over Rei, assaulting her bluehaired soulmate with a barrage of tickles. He raised an eyebrow.

And then he ducked down behind Rei's hand and started attacking her as well, going for her armpits while Asuka continued to work on her sides.

Rei gasped again. Oh, this wasn't fair! Why were they teaming up on her? She hadn't done anything wrong!

"Hey!"

Rei was so overwhelmed with sensation that she almost didn't notice that the tickling had abruptly stopped. Confused, she sat up to see what had happened.

Shinji now lay on his side, now the victim of Asuka's relentless tickling. Ah, Rei thought as she pieced it all together. A preemptive betrayal. Clever.

"You backstabbed me!" Shinji cried as he struggled to get away.

"Yeah, just like you backstabbed me earlier when we were squirting Rei?" Asuka retorted. She now had Shinji flat on his back while she straddled his waist. "Consider this fair-"

Shinji bucked his hips, causing Asuka to fall forward, right on top of him.

"-Oomph!"

Before Asuka could regain her composure, Shinji's head lunged up, capturing her mouth in a kiss. Asuka's eyes widened, but then her face relaxed, her lips molding against his.

"Cheater," Asuka murmured into Shinji's mouth. Shinji merely smiled, and then reached up to wrap his arms around her.

Still breathing heavily, Rei sat back on her haunches, in part to catch her breath, but also just to watch the other two. Her mouth lifted in a small smile. Yes, she would prefer to be an active participant rather than an outside observer, but there was something to be said about taking in the sight of her soulmates being together.

And then the world went cold.

A presence now filled the previously empty space behind her, a presence that made no sound in its approach, but one that she knew on the most intimate of levels. But unlike the intimacy that she shared with her two soulmates, this was one that chilled the very blood in her veins and filled her stomach with acid.

Rei sat frozen in place, shivering as that presence leaned in over her shoulder, and a soft voice whispered, Look at you. Condemning my children when you were the one to make them monsters. Living a life of plenty while they shiver and starve. You claim to be justified in your hatred of them, but how can they not hate you?

Whimpering, Rei closed her eyes and covered her ears. But it did nothing to block out the voice.

After all, the voice was her own.

Hypocrite.

"Rei?" Shinji said, turning to her. Noticing her distress, he hurried to her side, Asuka right behind him. "Rei, are you-"

Wrapping her arms around her trembling shoulders, Rei whispered, "S-Spotter."

"Wha-"

"Spotter! Spotter! Spotter!"

"Who is it, Rei-Rei?" Asuka said, sitting down next to Rei and slipping her arms around the petrified girl's shoulders.

Tears began to prickle at Rei's eyes. She leaned into Asuka's arms. "Lilith. Right behind me."

"Oh, my God," Shinji mumbled under his breath. Plopping down on the other side of her, he placed a hand right where Rei's neck met her shoulder and gently rubbed her back. "She's not there, Rei. It's just us."

"He's right," Asuka confirmed. "That bitch is still in pieces offshore."

Rei wished that she could believe them. It was easier when the voices and faces that she hallucinated were human. But whenever Lilith came by to visit? How could she be certain that it was only in her head?

"She isn't dead," Rei said.

"She looked pretty dead to me," Asuka remarked.

"She's right, Rei," Shinji said. "I saw it happen, remember? Hell, I-" He hesitated, dark memories upsetting his train of thought. "I kind of made it happen. Her body fell apart. She died."

Still shivering, Rei tried to concentrate on the touch of her soulmates. "So did I, but I am still here," she reminded him. "Besides, if she were truly dead, then how did she send me back?"

Neither of them had an answer for that.

"Well," Asuka said at last. "She's not here, anyway."

"But do you know who is?" Shinji scooped up Rei's hand in his own and squeezed it tightly, making sure that she felt his presence around her own. "Us. And we're not leaving you."

"Ever," Asuka agreed, running her hand down the back of Rei's head.

Despite the warmth from her lovers' bodies, Rei couldn't stop shivering. "But why?" she whispered. "I'm also just…pieces. Pieces of others."

"Rei-" Asuka began to say, but Rei cut her off.

"You called me the moon. Well, you're right! The moon…just a ball of stone and dust cast off from Lilith's arrival! That's all I've ever been! It doesn't even produce its own light! It only reflects! That's all I am, a pale reflection of your-"

Then the hand that had been stroking her hair suddenly struck the back of her head. Shocked, Rei shut up.

"Listen to yourself," Asuka said, her voice tinged with disgust. "Just a ball of dust? Are you serious?" She pointed upward, to where the glowing orb of the moon hung overhead. "Just look at that beauty! Do you know how many people worshipped the moon? Because it was the light in the dark, forever shining down on them when they had no other lights to guide them! Do you know how many poems have been written about how beautiful the moon is, or how serene and comforting its light? So what if it originally came from someplace else! That doesn't change what it means to those looking up at the sky!"

"She's right, Rei," Shinji said. "Mankind would have never gotten far without the moon to guide them. And that's what you do for us. You're our light in the dark. Whenever things get bad, you're always there to pull us out of it. We need you, Rei."

Rei swallowed hard. It was good that they felt that way, because she needed them too. "Show me," she whispered. "Please."

Asuka and Shinji exchanged a look, followed by a smile.

Asuka leaned in, her fiery lips capturing Rei's mouth while Shinji's hands begin to wander over Rei's belly, tracing the hem of her shirt. With a soft sigh, Rei drew back, and lifted her arms to allow Shinji to fully pull her shirt off of her. As soon was it was gone, Rei found Shinji's mouth where Asuka's had been, while Asuka's hands began to wander around the waistline of Rei's skirt.

Moments later, Rei was fully undressed and kneeling next to Shinji and Asuka, watching as they too kissed and groped at one another. She smiled, and moved to remove their clothing as well.

"Wark," Pen-Pen declared grumpily. He got up from where he had been dozing by the fire to head back downstairs, leaving the scene before things got too weird. They let him.

Soon, all three were on the ground in a tangle of bodies, exchanging burning touches and wet kisses. Awash in their love, Rei allowed her mind drift away on the sea of passion and pleasure, washing away her fears and filling her with feelings of warmth and safety.

Later, once every drop had been spent, they found themselves in the bathroom, cleaning up for bed. Asuka had selfishly used up most of the hot water, but that was all right. This wasn't the time for a soak anyway, so they made due with a bucket of soapy water, each of them taking turns sitting on the stool and allowing the other two to scrub them down. And while Rei certainly enjoyed letting her hands roam over the sudsy bodies of her soulmates, her favorite part was when she was the one being cleaned by them, sitting contently as cleaned away the day's stink, leaving her feel fresh and clean.

But even more, it made her feel wanted. It made her feel needed. It made her feel loved.

It made her feel like a person.

…

…still uncertain of the validity of my own humanity, Rei wrote in her diary. Shinji clings to his while Asuka views hers with disdain. I continue be conflicted. My previous three incarnations barely qualified as human, as their souls were that of Lilith's, and what little human DNA that went into my genetic makeup was mixed with that of Lilith. Supposedly, this fourth and final body is, in fact, human, at least genetically speaking, with my soul being made up of the previous Rei Ayanamis' human experiences, but I still find myself wondering.

Rei paused in her writing. She glanced about the book-filled study, at where her two soulmates were also writing down their personal thoughts of the day into their own diaries. It was a practice that Rei had started upon her resurrection, as a way to help her sort out her new turbulent thoughts and emotions. Then Shinji and Asuka adopted it as well. After all, any bit of grounding helped.

As usual, Shinji was hunched over one of the desks, one hand pressed into his forehead as he frowned down at his half-filled entry, no doubt mulling over every word. As for Asuka, she was reclining across the couch in the middle of the room, legs idly dangling over the armrest as she penned away with casual confidence. Rei had no doubt that their respective entries were going to have a number of differences of opinion.

She went back to her own. I often think of Shinji as the meeting point between the outlooks of Asuka and I, and yet perhaps I myself am the actual meeting point. Like Shinji, I find myself struggling to come to terms with what I am and my relationship to the rest of the human race, and still feel the responsibility of Third Impact. Asuka may claim that Lilith's actions have nothing to do with me, but I cannot agree. They had everything to do with me.

But like Asuka, I cannot help but want to have nothing to do with anyone other than my loves. They have done nothing but shun and mistreat us. Even before my assimilation of Lilith and Adam, the only person who ever treated me decently was Shinji. To all others, I was a tool at best, a means to an end. To others, I was an abomination. Even Asuka's original hostility toward me was an improvement, as she was the only one who saw that something was wrong and called it out.

"You know, these things are going to be extremely valuable one day," Asuka suddenly remarked, interrupting Rei's train of thought.

"You think so?" Shinji said, turning in his seat. "To whom?"

Asuka snorted. "Basically everybody. Historians. Collectors. Scientists. Worshippers-"

"Worshippers?" Rei raised her head. "What worshippers?"

"Oh, you know, the ones we'll eventually have. You know, because we're gods?"

A pained look passed over Shinji's face. "Asuka…"

"You know it's true," Asuka said, still happily penning away. "And even so, you know it's going to happen. Maybe it has already."

"I do not wish to be worshipped," Rei said.

"Then you can smite them when it happens for defying your will."

Shaking her head, Rei returned to her entry. But even beyond all that, now that my soul is whole and I am finally able to experience the full spectrum of human emotion, I cannot find it within myself to love humanity. The man who tried to rape me still walks free in the Tokyo-4 camps, and last I heard, is viewed as something of a hero for his deeds. And if their attitude toward us before they learned of our identities is any indication, that attitude still prevails.

On some level, I do understand Shinji's desire to one day connect with other people, but for myself, I selfishly hope that that day never comes. These last few years here in Temple Heights have been the best of my life, and that has as much to do with the absence of everyone else as it has to do with Shinji and Asuka's continued love. If it is our fate to live on forever on our own, then I welcome that future gladly.

Feeling that her entry was finished for the day, Rei was about to close the book, but then a thought occurred to her. She opened it back up and quickly jotted down, But if that was the case, why did I stop Asuka from killing those people? Why did I save them?

Curious.

Leaving that thought to mull over another day, Rei waited a few seconds for the ink to finish drying and then shut the book.

Shinji was still fussing over his, while Asuka was already done, and was now lying with her arms behind her head and legs kicking at the air as she waited.

"Are you guys done yet?" she said.

"Almost," Shinji said. "Just…a little more time, okay?"

"I am," Rei said.

"Finally," Asuka sighed. "I was getting lonely." She held out her arms to Rei. "Rei-Rei. Hug."

Rei gladly crossed the room to crawl onto the couch as Asuka scooted back to make room for her. Squirming into the scarred girl's arms, Rei slid her own arms around Asuka's waist and leaned into her, closing her eyes to enjoy the warm closeness.

Of course, Asuka then had to reach down to grab a big handful of Rei's rear.

"When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's amore," Asuka sang.

Rei's mouth twitched with mixture of annoyance and amusement. "Asuka. Once again, I am not literally the moon."

"This white booty is big enough to be," Asuka retorted, giving the cheek she held a gentle slap. "Right, Shinji?"

"Hmmm?" Shinji said distractedly. "Um, right. Right."

"See?" Asuka grinned.

Rei rolled her eyes, but did not protest further. Besides, the day's excitement was finally starting to catch up with her, and for as impudent as Asuka's hands were, it was so nice and comfortable to be held in her arms. Rei closed her eyes, slipping down into drowsiness…

A moment later, she jolted back awake when someone shook her shoulder. "Come on, girls," Shinji said. "Time for bed."

"Which is what we were doing…" Asuka sleepily mumbled, but she separated herself from Rei. Shinji reached down with both hands, and the girls took them, allowing themselves to be pulled off of the couch and to their feet. From there, the trio left the study, turning out the lights as they did, and headed into the bedroom.

"Okay, I think it was supposed to be Shinji's turn," Asuka said as they climbed into the big, king-sized mattress. "You know, before-"

Shinji gave Asuka a small push toward the middle of the bed. "No, it's you."

"Me?" Asuka said, frowning. "I mean, I'm not complaining, but Rei kind of-"

Agreeing with Shinji's assessment, Rei placed a hand on the redhead's shoulder. "You earned it," she said. "You put in the most work for our sake. You're in the middle."

"I…" Asuka huffed. "Fine. I earned it." She held out her arms again. "C'mere, my lovelies."

Shinji immediately accepted her invitation, letting himself be pulled into Asuka's embrace. Rei, however, noticed that the curtains of the window were still open, causing the moon to shine brightly into the room. Come morning, the sun would be an annoyance.

She walked over the window and was about to pull the curtains closed, but before she did, she found herself looking up at the moon, still shining down on the Earth as it had done for millennia.

Beautiful. Like a diamond shining in the sky, chasing the shadows away with its gentle serenity. It didn't matter that the light wasn't its own. What it did with it was what made it special.

As she stared captivated, Rei touched a hand to her chest.

Me. The moon. The light in the dark.

White. The color of peace. The color of purity. The color of a blank slate, to be colored however I wish.

It's okay for me to be here, and my purpose is mine to choose, and I choose them. My sun. My Earth.

Then she felt the gaze of others upon her. She turned to see both Shinji and Asuka looking up at her moonlit form, smiling as they took in the view.

"Yes?" she said.

"Oh, nothing," Asuka said, her eyes roving up and down. "Just appreciating how pretty you are."

"By all means, take your time," Shinji added. "We'll wait."

Rei quirked an eyebrow. Then she smiled, rolled her eyes, and closed the curtains.

She climbed into bed with them, and the three huddled in together to sink into mattress, pulling the bedcovers up over them. Experience had taught them the necessity of using multiple blankets in case one of them unconsciously became greedy. Asuka pulled Shinji into her arms, spooning his body from behind while Rei did the same to hers, sandwiching Asuka between them.

Before settling down, Rei looked over at the sleepy forms of Shinji and Asuka, cuddled together beneath the bedcovers, and she smiled.

We have made our paradise. We are alive, and we have this chance to be happy. As long as the sun, moon, and Earth are in harmony, everything will be all right.

It had been a long day, with plenty of ups and downs. However, at the end of it all, at least it was ending on a high note, with Asuka's body nestled comfortably in her arms, and Shinji's fingers meeting hers over Asuka's hip. Still smiling, Rei closed her eyes and allowed sleep to finally take her.

…

Well, this one was an experience. Sorry about the delay. Rei's POV was a lot harder to get a handle on than the other two, and I was often caught between getting stuck on what to do and having too many ideas but not sure how to implement them. Rei's a tough nut to crack. Both Shinji and Asuka at least have the show to build off of, but the Rei that we knew was incomplete. This Rei is someone who is a full person and has had a few years to develop, so trying to pin down what she would be like took a lot more work, and might still need some fine-tuning. Like, it didn't occur to me until I was already writing this chapter that she would have some form of body dysphoria, or how appropriate it is that the moon is her motif when it comes to that. I also figure that each of them would have their own ways of coping with their instability. Shinji is the sort to acknowledge that he's messed up and proactively do what he needs to do when things start to get bad. Asuka, unfortunately, has a tendency to ignore it and act like she can handle it without help, to her detriment. And Rei sort of has that "That's my secret: I'm always angry" thing going on, in that she's constantly riding the line between madness and sanity.

All that being said, I think this was my favorite of the bunch, the part where their relationship finally felt like it "clicked" for me. One thing I did want to show is what each of them brought to the table in their respective POV chapters. Like Rei kept saying, Shinji is the one keeping the other two grounded. He's the one ensuring that they have something resembling a normal life, that their needs are being met, and that they're not neglecting the many things that need to be done for their lives to function. Asuka is the one looking after their emotional needs. She's the one making sure that the bad times don't get too bad, that life is something that they enjoy experiencing instead of something that they're just trudging through. And Rei is the peacemaker, in more ways than one. She's the one who can meet both Shinji and Asuka halfway, calm any conflict that they might have, help them reconnect, while also just being there for them when they need comfort. So, the team therapist, in a way.

As for the point when it felt like everything really came together? It was during the campfire singalong, when they started singing Jumper. Yeah, I know, it's sappy and cliched, but I didn't realize how well that song fit them when I chose it, and writing that scene made me feel like a young teenager again, mentally making up music videos of all my comfort characters set to whatever angsty song I just heard on the radio. Then again, writing shipping fanfics about your comfort characters sort of that same energy, so I guess you should just embrace the cringe.

Though there does seem to be a rule that whenever an Evangelion fic has the characters all singing songs like at karaoke, sooner or later someone will do "Fly Me to the Moon."

Anyway, I've rambled on long enough. Only the epilogue left, and then I'm taking a break. Until next time, everyone.