Chapter 20. Rumours

It had been almost two weeks since Bucky returned to New York on a hospital ship with Dr. Erskine, but just a day since he learned from the doctor that Steve went down with the Valkyrie. The news, which was being kept from the public, would only be released once he was found and on his way to New York, as the search was already on for him, a search being conducted by Howard Stark. Even though Grant gave him the coordinates to the glacier in the heart of Greenland where he ditched the aircraft, the area wasn't accessible by ship. Instead, they had to employ the local residents to transport them to the site, a trip of several days in brutal weather. Then there would be several more days needed to safely extract Steve's frozen body and transport it back to the coast where Stark's ship waited. The plan was to keep him frozen until his return to New York, where Dr. Waslewski and her rescued sister, Eva were already en route, along with Lt. Hay and Peggy Carter. Dr. Waslewski would make sure that Steve was thawed out safely, just like she did to the four pilots they rescued from Schwarzebitte, and her sister, overseeing his care in New York. Major Lambert was staying in England, in the event they came across any other PoWs who had been forced to take the serum, attending to their needs.

When Bucky was sent on the hospital ship after two weeks recovery in England, he knew the mission was still pending. He and Dr. Erskine arrived in New York two days before the mission date only to face an information blackout imposed on both of them. It was only yesterday that the truth was finally shared and neither man appreciated being kept out of the loop, making their displeasure known to the colonel in charge at SSR headquarters. A knock on the door of the Barnes household bathroom startled Bucky as he relived the anger he felt at the self-important officer.

"Do you need help?" asked his mother through the closed door, making the young man shake his head, irritated at the question.

"I'm not helpless, Ma," he answered. "I'm just missing an arm, not the ability to shave."

"Don't you take that tone with me," she responded. "I'm just offering, that's all."

Bucky let out a frustrated breath, feeling guilty. Since he got back his mother had hovered over him as if he was an invalid. She meant well but it was suffocating him. Opening the door, he looked at the woman who cried for an hour when he returned, thankful her son was alive after his horrific fall, but heartbroken that he wasn't whole anymore.

"I'm sorry," he told her, sincerely. "The doctors say I have to do for myself as much as I can and that includes shaving with one hand. You have to let me do it. If I need help with anything more, I'll ask for it."

She pursed her lips and nodded at him, heading down the stairs to the kitchen. It was obvious she was upset at him. His dad came out of the bedroom and placed his hand on his son's shoulder.

"She's trying, she really is," he said. "It will take her time to adjust to your new situation."

"I'm still adjusting myself," said Bucky. "The latest serum sample isn't ready to test yet, and Stark is out searching for Steve so he can't work on his new artificial arm." He stopped; aware he had just let classified information slip. His dad searched Bucky's face, so the younger man pulled his father into the bathroom. "Steve crashed in Greenland somewhere with an aircraft full of bombs meant for cities on this side of the Atlantic. He's alive, but likely frozen in the wreckage. It hasn't been made public yet until they're on their way back with him. Stark is in charge of the search party. I just found out yesterday. You can't tell anyone, not even Ma or Rebecca."

"The serum is keeping him alive, like it did you?"

Bucky nodded, as he had told his father everything about HYDRA experimenting on him, and the new abilities he had, as well as falling off the train and staying alive in the freezing cold of the mountain chasm. He even told him about Steven Grant, who he really was and how he came back to prevent Bucky's fate from that timeline. His father had been understandably upset about that outcome. The biggest surprise to Bucky, after telling his father about killing the wolf, then giving up and wanting to die rather than live a broken life, had been how his father cried for what Bucky went through. Having gone through the Great War himself, and still prone to bouts of depression from it, George Barnes had understood the trust his son had in him to confide all of the turmoil he went through while he waited for rescue. It had brought the two men together in a way that hadn't seemed possible before the war.

"Well, he'll come through, I'm sure of it," said the elder Barnes. "Steve could have died many times as a child and young man, but he pulled through with that great heart of his. He'll pull through this." He looked at his son's chin, then grinned. "You missed a spot."

Bucky smiled back at his dad, then looked in the mirror, noticing the small patch of stubble that was there. If there was one thing he still didn't like about the serum, it was how fast it made his hair and beard grow. Before the war he could go for several days before this much stubble appeared on his face. Now it was an everyday occurrence. He had a haircut just before he left England almost two weeks ago and it looked like he would need another before the end of the week to keep it military length. As his dad went on downstairs Bucky shaved the last bit off then rinsed his face and worked the stopper out on the aftershave bottle with his right hand, pouring a little of the liquid into a spare soap dish. Using his fingers, he dipped into it and patted it over his face and neck, before turning on the tap and rinsing the dish.

Returning to his room he got dressed, slipping on the tie that was already done up, then tightening it up with one hand. He finished with his jacket then tightened the outer belt, using the tricks that another amputee, a British veteran who worked on the base, had shown him. They had even sneaked off the base together for drinks the night before he left, where the man told him all sorts of things about living with one arm, including managing the world of women. Whether Bucky would use them was another matter as he already noticed how the neighbours and other acquaintances looked at him. Many of the women he dated before the war had stopped by to say hello and it seemed they could barely wait to get out of the house, after the conversation faltered.

"Thanks, Ma," he said, as she gestured to his plate of breakfast on the table. "Looks good."

His father and Rebecca joined him, digging into their food.

"I spoke to Mr. Goldstein," said his dad, after a time. "He said there's a two-bedroom furnished flat available in his building across the street. Thought you might be interested in it. You and Steve could live there when he gets back, since the war is looking like it's winding down. It would give you both some more freedom as young men."

"Why should he pay for his own place when he can live at home with us?" snapped his mother, her voice sounding peevish. She turned to look at him. "You don't want to live at home?"

"Ma, I'm almost 28 and should have my own place," said Bucky. "Besides, how am I going to entertain the ladies if I don't have my own place?"

Rebecca smirked, earning a pretend glare from Bucky, but she didn't stop. "If Bucky moves, can I have his room? It's bigger than mine."

"He's not moving," said Winnie. "George, stop giving him ideas."

Bucky smacked his fork down on the table, suddenly angry. "Will you ever let me be a man?" he asked his mother. Her face trembled as he took his frustration out on her. He knew he had gone too far but if he didn't get it out now, it would come out in a worse way, and he never wanted her to see that. "It's bad enough that most of the women I used to go out with before the war look at me now and see that I'm missing an arm. I don't want their pity and I don't want your pity, either. If they see I can't even live on my own without help what woman will want me? For God's sake, let me try to look after myself without you babying me."

He stood up, grabbed his cap and headed out the door, feeling his face burn from the humiliation of having his mother treat him like a boy. By the time he made it to the subway stop he felt almost sick with shame at blowing up at his mother like that, but it seemed like he couldn't stop himself from treating her that way. On the train he sat in the corner, away from people, as he found it hard to filter out their conversations now that he could hear so much better. It seemed like here in the city, he could hear more than what he heard on the English base. Every day his heightened senses allowed him to hear people discuss how sad it was that such a fine young man lost his arm in the war. A couple of times he had met an acquaintance on the train, and they all danced around the obvious, having seen the reports of his fall and injuries on the newsreels, reports that sanitized the extent of his suffering. In many ways, he wished one of them would have the courage to just ask how he was, except he was afraid he would bite their head off for what he saw as fake concern.

By the time he got to the SSR headquarters in the city, he was determined to telephone his mother and apologize for his behaviour. Perhaps he could get her some flowers to help smooth over his outburst. After he checked in with the MPs desk, he headed down to the basement, where Dr. Erskine's lab was. It was part of his assignment to undergo a daily check-in process where they would assess his partial limb, trying to determine if there was any sign of regrowth. So far, there had been nothing, although all of his other injuries had healed, except for the injury inflicted on his pride.

"James," exclaimed the doctor, initially pleased at seeing him, then becoming concerned when he saw the stress Bucky was obviously showing. "Come in, sit. Tell me, what is it that has you bothered this morning?"

He entered the office and sat in the chair, grateful when Dr. Erskine closed the door and sat across from him. The older man's concern was genuine, making it easier to talk to him.

"I yelled at my mother, more than once," said Bucky. "She keeps trying to do everything for me, even when I say I have to do things myself. My dad brought up me getting my own place and it was like she didn't think I could manage living on my own or even with a roommate, like Steve. I love her but it feels like she wants to keep me dependent on her."

Dr. Erskine nodded his head. "Mothers can be that way," he said. "When I was much younger my own mother tried to set me up with the daughter of our local banker. She was certain I would see that Esther would be a suitable wife, even with the way she laughed like a braying donkey. I am not certain the real object of Esther's affections, the son of the butcher, would have let my mother have her way."

"What did you do?" asked Bucky.

"Helped them elope and drove them to the train station so they could get to the coast, where a ship to America was leaving from," he smiled. "I believe they live in New Jersey, have six children and are more than happy with each other." Bucky chuckled. "Now, what else happened?"

"I'm having trouble getting used to my senses," he admitted. "I can hear people talking about me in the neighbourhood and on the train. They notice the arm is gone and even though I'm still wearing the uniform and coming in every day it seems like they don't believe I'll be able to function." He looked down at where his cap sat on his knee. "Most of the women I dated before the war, those that are still single, don't treat me the same as they did before. I'm not sure I'm that man anymore."

"Of course, you're not that man," said Erskine, gently. "Despite the changes in your body you have also changed. You underwent a traumatic experience, and it will leave its mark on you. What's important is how you deal with it. Have you spoken to your own father about his experiences with the First World War?"

"A little," replied Bucky. "He still has issues but not as much as when I was younger. He drank a lot then to deal with it, but that's not going to be possible with me, is it?"

"No, you will be unable to lessen the thoughts with alcohol which is for the better as it isn't a good way to deal with your demons," admitted Erskine. "Do you have nightmares?" Bucky nodded. "Memories of things that happened on the battlefield?" He nodded again. "Do you remember your fall and the wait for rescue?"

"Yeah." Bucky's voice was quiet but still loaded with a sense of the despair he sometimes felt. "Will it ever get better?"

"I don't know," said Erskine, just as quietly. "My understanding is that in the First World War those feelings were considered a mental defect, a fault of the person who was suffering, and it is a form of suffering. Your father must be an incredible man to be able to offer you comfort, having gone through it himself."

Bucky smiled slightly. "Yeah, I was angry at him when I was younger, but when I got drafted, he talked to me a little about what he went through and once I experienced war for myself, I began to understand how it affected him. Even in the time I've been back it's been better with him. I can talk to him about anything, just like I can talk to you."

"That's good," said the doctor. "Talking is good. Keep talking to him and to me. I'm here to help you, James. Believe that." He swallowed. "Which is why I am going to be truthful to you. The serum amplifies what is in the man. A good man will become better, even great, with the serum. While the serum you received was not a pure form, it still amplified your physical abilities, but it didn't destroy the good things that were in you, loyalty, the need to protect those you love, and a desire to be of help. Those qualities also helped you survive the ordeal you suffered."

"But?" Bucky looked at him with a little bit of fear in his eyes.

"I suspect that the HYDRA serum is in conflict with my serum," said Erskine. "Although they were similar in nature, they are just different enough to think the other serum is an intruder and they are fighting for control of the host, you. Although you look and feel relatively well, your blood work shows that your body is fighting something and that is taking away the resources needed to regrow your arm. It may also be fuelling and perhaps amplifying the doubts you feel about yourself."

Bucky looked at his arm then at the doctor again, wondering if that meant he was still destined to become the Winter Soldier of Steven Grant's timeline. It must have shown on his face because Erskine put his hands forward and grasped Bucky's right hand, patting it in an attempt to be comforting.

"It just means that you may require the same treatment that Steven had; simultaneous injections of the pure serum, followed by exposure to the Vita-Rays, to stimulate your body to regrow your arm. For it to work, you have to believe in yourself, and right now you are doubting whether you will ever regain that which you lost. There is no magic formula that will make you believe in yourself. One day you aren't ready, the next day you are, and then you will be confident enough to undergo this final trial. I won't give it to you until you are ready."

Bucky felt a sting of disappointment at that pronouncement, thinking that he might never feel that way, and then what would he do? The disappointment must have been evident because Dr. Erskine stepped back to his desk and pulled out a bottle of whisky, pouring a little out for himself and for Bucky. He handed him the glass.

"This is my promise to you, James. No one has to know that you aren't ready to take that step. If I am asked what the delay is, I will say it is because the serum isn't ready, which is true right now, or that the equipment requires more adjustments to your body, which can only be done when Howard Stark returns, or even that I am still unsure of its chance of success. While I am as sure as I was with Steven that it will work, there is a chance that my own enthusiasm is misguided. Regenerating a limb might be beyond the capabilities of the serum."

Bucky sipped his whisky, appreciating the taste as it warmed his throat. Then he looked at the kind face of Dr. Abraham Erskine and smiled at him. He was a good man, who had been honest with Bucky right from the first moment they met. That he was being brutally honest right now wasn't lost on him. Erskine wanted it to work but the best chance of it working was for Bucky to be in the best state of mind and right now, he wasn't. He took a deep breath.

"Alright, I'll work on improving my attitude," he promised. "Can I ask you something? Did you have family?"

He saw a flutter of pain pass over the doctor's face. "Ja, I had a family," he said softly. "Schmidt kept them prisoner to force me to work for him. Said that once the serum was successful, they would be let go." He sipped his drink and looked at his glass. "He lied. When the serum reacted the way it did on him, he had them killed, even though I told him it wasn't ready. Then he ordered me to get back to the drawing board."

Quietly, he sipped more of his whisky, his face betraying the misery he still felt over the loss of his family.

"You must miss them," said Bucky. "Before the war I didn't know there was such evil in the world, but you saw it first-hand just with Schmidt. We saw it more in Schwarzbitte and Auschwitz, definitely in that factory where I was first a prisoner in Austria. Would you have given him the serum if it was ready?"

"No." Erskine shook his head. "I only wanted to make something that enhanced the natural abilities of any man or woman. It was never meant to create a race of super beings that could be exploited to conquer the world. That is when I knew I could never provide him with a serum for he wanted it to create more soldiers in his own image. I was fortunate to be rescued when I was, but I had to leave behind most of my work, resources that Zola used to formulate his serum. I kept the most important parts up here." He tapped his head. "But it wasn't enough to stop him, and you have suffered because of it. The serum was never meant to be used by a madman."

"The man they were going to give it to instead of Steve," began Bucky. "Would he ...?"

Erskine put his hand on Bucky's arm and shook his head. He drained his glass and stood up. Bucky finished his glass, leaving it on Dr. Erskine's desk.

"As long as I'm alive, I will make sure that the serum doesn't go to any Tom, Dick, or Harry," said the doctor. "Those other men who were given a form of it have proven their worth as good men, as have you. I know it was given to you against your will, but you are a good man, James. No matter if you get the full treatment or not. Nothing will change that."

"I'm alive and I'm not a prisoner in HYDRA's lab right now, being experimented on and tortured," said Bucky. "Your serum still saved me, better than the serum Zola gave me. I have a way to go before I'm ready to take the full treatment but when I am you have my word that I will do all I can to destroy HYDRA, permanently. I'll also help you make sure that the use of the serum is only to those who are worthy."

He left the doctor and checked in with the nurse who was charged with taking his readings and measurements. An older woman, she was kind enough, but Bucky missed Lt. Hay and her no-nonsense treatment of him. She would be in New York soon enough and a part of him looked forward to her arrival; to all of the women's arrivals actually. He was happy for Dr. Waslewski that the mission had located and rescued her sister. Both of them were going to be focused on Steve's recovery when he finally arrived in New York. That left him wondering why Peggy Carter was being sent back. The General must have ordered her directly, as he couldn't see her voluntarily leaving the fight, unless ... He smiled then. She must really love Steve to be here, waiting for him, instead of being there without him.

After completing his check-in, Bucky stepped out of the SSR office, going for lunch then to a florist and purchasing a bouquet of flowers for his mother. As he walked back to the office, he stopped to buy a newspaper, disturbed by the headline that had attracted his attention.

POSSIBLE TRAITORS IN OUR MIDST

It took reading only a few sentences before he realized that the article was about himself, and the four pilots who had received the German version of the super soldier serum. The writer of the article claimed an exclusive source had told him that the Howling Commandos had been duped into allowing a certain sergeant and two lieutenants, pilots, all men who had been part of the enemy's super soldier project, into their unit. The same source said two other unnamed lieutenants were part of a more secret unit fighting against HYDRA, hinting that all of their loyalties were suspect. Knowing that they referred to himself, Lieutenants Grady, O'Neill, Murphy and Costello, Bucky fumed as he continued reading the article. It ended with a teaser for more exclusive information about another forthcoming article concerning a top secret allied program to relocate the greatest scientific minds captured from the German and HYDRA enemy and bringing them to the United States to apply their scientific knowledge to the American war effort. That teaser ended with the hint that there were sure to be spies included in the number of scientists, specifically female spies, similar to Mata Hari, of the First World War fame. It didn't take much for Bucky to realize they were likely referring to Dr. Waslewski and her sister. In a huff he looked up, only then seeing the face of one of the MPs who sometimes manned the check-in station at the office, wearing a civilian suit, watching him. The man turned away when Bucky noticed him.

"What the hell?" he muttered, approaching closer.

By the time he got to where the man was, he had disappeared. For several minutes, he looked around at the various people walking on the sidewalk, checking out doorways and columns to see if the man reappeared but he didn't. When he entered the SSR building, he signed the register as he checked in, then looked at one of the MPs, Chatham, a man he had known from Brooklyn.

"What's up Bucky?" he asked. "You look irritated at something." Bucky showed him the newspaper article, watching as the man's lip curled. "You think they're referring to you?"

"I'm the only sergeant who was forced to take super soldier serum by the enemy," stated Bucky. "How long have we known each other, Mickey? Grade school, right? Man to man, Brooklyn boy to Brooklyn boy, are you guys under orders to watch me?"

Corporal Chatham lowered his voice, leaning close to Bucky. "Why do you ask?"

"Because Private Richards was tailing me out there," replied Bucky, "and not in uniform, either. This shit was flying around about me right from when I was first rescued from that HYDRA factory in Austria. The General himself cleared me of any suspicion and the guy who was spreading it was revealed to be a HYDRA plant. I almost died out there, Mickey, even with the serum. I've been home a couple of weeks and it seems the rumours are starting again."

"Yeah, someone from Army CIC said you were to be watched," admitted Chatham, still speaking in a lower register. "Not sure who but I'll see what I can find out. I wouldn't do it, but Richards is enough of a brown noser that he agreed to tail you. The fact you made him shows how bad he is at the job. Look, the rest of us know you're on the level, Bucky. Hell, to survive out there like you did, regardless of the serum, means you're a hell of a guy. Someone has it in for you, that's all I know."

He gave Bucky an understanding smile, then stepped back to his position, giving all appearances of being the military policeman he was supposed to be. Picking up the newspaper, Bucky returned to the lab, dropping the newspaper in front of Dr. Erskine. As he read the headline and accompanying article, his own face darkened and he looked up at Bucky, before putting a finger on his lips. Writing something out on a piece of paper he showed it to the sergeant, who nodded at the message, then Erskine lit a match, burning it.

"Thank you for bringing me the newspaper, Sergeant," he said in a normal voice. "I don't have need of you anymore today. I assume you want to take those flowers home for your mother. You should get them into water as soon as possible. Why don't you go on home, and I'll see you tomorrow."

"Sounds good, Doc," replied Bucky, playing along.

He left the building, heading towards the subway, keeping his senses alert to the presence of anyone following him. As he boarded the first subway car for the trip to Brooklyn, he noticed the suit of Richards, the sleeve of it visible as he waited behind a post in the station. Just as the other man boarded the car behind Bucky's he stepped off, a second before all the train car doors shut and the train began moving. Standing on the platform, he smirked at Richards as his car moved past, adding a cheeky nod to the man. Heading back up to the street he took a taxi to another address, the one Dr. Erskine wrote down on a piece of paper and showed him, along with a name, before burning it. The address, a residential tower, was in the heart of Manhattan. The doorman there looked at Bucky, expectantly.

"Who are you visiting in the building, sir?" he asked politely.

"The resident in the penthouse," replied Bucky. "A Mr. Jarvis?"

"Mr. Jarvis is Mr. Stark's butler," replied the doorman. "Mr. Stark is not in residence at the moment."

"Well, this is where I was told to come," countered the sergeant. "Could you please check with Mr. Jarvis?"

Stepping inside, the doorman allowed Bucky to accompany him to a desk where he picked up the receiver from a wall phone and dialled a number.

"Jarvis, there is a gentleman here, a sergeant in the United States Army who says ... very well, I will send him up." He smiled at Bucky. "He's expecting you. Take the elevator to the 20th floor. Mr. Stark's penthouse is 20A."

It was all very cloak and dagger to Bucky, but something told him that it was all related to the rumours that were going around about him. When the elevator opened to the penthouse floor, he was surprised to see a door opposite the elevator already opened, with a man waiting for him.

"Sergeant Barnes? Please come in," said the man, noticing the flowers. "I'm Edwin Jarvis, Mr. Stark's butler. Were you followed?"

"No, I lost the guy on the subway," he replied. "He won't be able to get off until he crosses the East River. What's going on?"

Jarvis closed the door behind Bucky and led him into the large and very expensive looking penthouse. The windows alone gave a view of Manhattan that almost took his breath away. Then several people who were sitting with their backs to him, near the window, stood up and turned towards Bucky.

"Grant? Murphy, Costello? When did you get here?"

"Late last night," replied Grant. "The General sent us here on one of those HYDRA jets from Red Skull's home base. It was easy for these two to learn to pilot and it was a very quick flight. You saw the newspaper article. I'm afraid it won't be the last one. You're being targeted. We think Dr. Zola wants you back."

"But I thought he was taken by Army CIC?" said Bucky.

"So did we," said Grant. He shook his head in a mixture of anger and disgust. "Whoever took him was a HYDRA plant and no one knows where he is. We suspect they know Erskine is alive and that he's working on preparing you for the full serum treatment. They're trying to stop it because if you go through with it, you won't be able to be turned. When we're done with all the enemy bases, you'll be the only known survivor of the HYDRA serum and they're not giving you up easily."

Bucky was staggered by the news. His first thought was of his family, and he looked at Grant anxiously.

"My parents, Rebecca ... are they in danger?" he asked. "I was followed by Richards wearing a civilian suit. Chatham said I was being targeted."

"Don't worry, they're not in danger," said Grant. "Richards is actually working for us." He shrugged. "He's kind of a red herring for HYDRA to follow and is purposefully being visible in the hopes they think he's one of them. We're hoping we can smoke out the HYDRA supporters in New York. Not even Chatham knows that. He and several others are under orders that no one gets into the SSR that doesn't belong there, although we're sure there are some already there."

The phone rang and Jarvis answered it, then came out to the living room area. "Dr. Erskine is on his way up. I'll make coffee for you all. Would you like Mr. Stark to be involved in the meeting?"

"He's in Greenland, isn't he?" asked Bucky, even more confused at what was going on.

"He's on his way back with Steve," said Grant. "We've been giving out false intelligence on the search for him. We weren't going to announce he was found for another week. They should be docking overnight but this newspaper article appearing in today's papers is forcing our hand. We may have to make the announcement earlier."

"Steve ... he's, okay?" Bucky couldn't help but feel some fear for his friend.

"He's still frozen but he'll be fine," smiled Grant. "It's why we didn't tell either of you the truth about Steve's arrival or the ladies, for that matter. They're also arriving tonight, and Eva and Anya will take care of him, as will Lt. Hay. In a couple of days, he'll be walking and talking. As for Stark, he's got quite the radio setup here and on his ship. Contact him please, Jarvis. He should be informed of the updates."

It seemed that in the time since Bucky returned home all sorts of things had been happening in the background, things he hadn't noticed because he had been preoccupied with his own issues. The thought that HYDRA was still going to try and take him was sobering, as he thought that once he was found in the mountains that his future was set. Then he remembered something he heard when he was still in the hut in Austria, a moment when Grant seemed to lose hope and went outside, after Bucky snapped at him, as his own mind was clouded by pain and his own misery.

Corporal Rose, that strange Romani soldier, had followed Grant outside. Bucky never meant to listen to them, but his senses, even with the pain he was suffering from, were so heightened that he couldn't help but hear the two men talk.

"The universe doesn't like it when someone tries to change it, and it fights back."

Rose had said that to Grant. At the time Bucky wasn't sure what was meant by that or by part of Grant's response.

"To save him, he still has to go through this; that's the price that has to be paid. Because you're right, the fate he originally had isn't letting go of him without a fight."

Steven Grant was fighting against something bigger than a person, or an organization, or a country. He was fighting against Bucky's fate in his original timeline. It was further proof of this man being the Steve he grew up with, the little guy who always stood up to those bigger than himself, because it was the right thing to do. Everything in Bucky's life had come easily to him, friendship, school, women. He never really had to learn to stand up to adversity, although he never backed down from a fight when he had to. Steve had to fight for everything from the moment he was born and right now, he was fighting for Bucky. He came back from 2023 just for this fight. Even though it made Bucky care about Steven Grant as much as he cared about Steve Rogers, he still had that one dark thought, worrying itself at the back of his mind. Was he even worth all of this?