"I've missed you like this..." He exhales. They're tangled together. A sheen of sweat coats their skin. "...so much" He croons into the crook of her neck. They've slept intermittently. He was never going to be able to have her just the once and then fall into slumber, not after 13 years of pent up desire. She was never going to be able to have him just the once after 13 years of repression. Their lovemaking has been a manifestation of their tumultuous emotions and unsaid words. Slow and sensual to rough and possessive. Her breathing is still laboured. "You're so fucking beautiful"
"Babe" She whimpers. She aches all over; in the best possible way mind. "You need to stop" She's not had a night like this in a long time. Well since him. Had forgotten how passionate this could be. How addictive. How it never felt enough. Not with Lucas Scott. His lazy kisses along the salty expanse of her neck are becoming more purposeful. "Let me at least catch my breath" She mewls.
He smiles. Pushes himself up to look into her face. "Have I broken you?" He shifts off of her to lay at her side.
"So proud" She drawls. "I'll be good in a minute" Decides. He already feels too far away. She already misses his weight.
"God it actually hurts sometimes" He gawps at her, his finger tips lazily drifting up and down her ribcage.
"It hurts?" Her brow kinks in question.
"How beautiful you are" He clarifies.
She rolls her eyes then and laughs. "Sure it is"
"Excuse me, have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? God when you performed last week, you were so hot..I wanted to fuck you so bad- I had to take the longest cold shower-"
"Ok, enough sharing" She swats him and shifts upright and for a brief moment he thinks she's making a getaway but her leg slides over his torso and she sits on his chest, a smile on her face. "The good news is..." She takes his hand. "...next time you take a shower I can come too if you like, kay?"
"Mm I do like. Is that a promise?"
"Uhuh" She nods, leans over him, her nose bumping against his. "Do you want me again?" Whispers. She's done with her breather.
"I always fucking want you"
"You do?"
"Always. It never stops. It's, it's still the same isn't"
"Mm" He doesn't need to better articulate what he means. She knows. The intensity between them. She still doesn't understand it. Is still overwhelmed by it.
His eyes follow his finger tip run over a stretch mark on her lower belly and she's quick to become self conscious.
"I told you my body isn't as you remember" She ruefully mumbles.
His stare flickers up to her. "Hey, these are beautiful"
"Fuck off" She snorts.
"They are. They're like the best kind of tattoo. Your children" He ponders. He's about to ask her what's wrong; misreads her expression for sadness not that she's in awe of him.
She lurches at him before he can speak. How can't she? Lips seek out his in an all consuming kiss. "God...how do you...make...me...feel...the...things...you...do?" she mumbles disjointedly into his mouth. "Sometimes I wonder if you're human" He knows she's delirious with lust then. He laughs deep in his belly. She's not heard that laugh in...she doesn't even remember when. "Forget I said that"
"I'll never forget that you just said that" He drawls. "Some might say I'm godly" He abruptly flips her then so she's back beneath him.
"Mmm" She welcomes his weight. She doesn't even have the ability to argue right now. He smirks. Delights in how she arches. He too is delirious on their ardent love making. He fleetingly wonders if he's dreaming. After all, the woman of his dreams is in his bed. The woman that he'd had to consider would forever more just be a fantasy, never his again. There have been brief moments over the course of the last 12 hours where he's found himself wondering if she was like this with him. Him being Jake. Those brief moments sparking the caveman in him. She's not naive. Knows. Tries to convey what she can't out loud. Won't because saying out loud only highlights how fucked this all is. It's always been you.
"Is...is that, phone? My phone?" She murmurs as she becomes aware of the distant vibrating noise. Her hand flails out, blindly searching for her phone on the bedside table.
"No way" He grabs at her wrists and pins them back above her head, enticing a shriek of surprise from her lips. "I've waited thirteen years to have you again. I can't share you yet...just for a little while"
She smiles as he kisses her. Her phone stops ringing but quickly resumes its interfering noise just moments later. He groans "Doesn't anyone ever leave you alone?" Complains.
"I'm in high demand" She drawls with a glimmer of mischief in her eye.
"Mm. I always did hate that"
"I...was...kidding" She breathily murmurs, his lips distracting her from her thoughts.
"Well you always have and always will be in high demand" he grumbles into her neck.
Her phone begins it's irritating chant again and he looks at her as to prove his point. He glances to the table and in all of an instant his restraining hands release her. "Shit, it's Sawyer. Sorry" He quickly hands over the phone to her.
"Kids are so demanding" she smirks at him.
"I would have given it to you straight away if I'd known"
She bats her hand dismissively. She knows as much. She presses her phone to her ear. "Hey babe" Swallows. "You're ready for school right?" She wonders, pouting at Lucas as he rolls off of her to give her a bit of space. "No you can't...well Grandad doesn't get the ruling vote on whether or not you go to school I'm afraid-...Oh...I did know. I didn't think that was being released yet...Cause I thought I'd surprise you but it seems the cats out the bag" He kinks his brow as he watches her smile into the phone. "Thanks Baby... it's still a no. Let me speak to Grandad" There's a pause. She puts her hand over the speaker. "She just found out I'm headlining Coachella" She hums to Lucas.
His brow shoots up. Smirks. "You are?"
"Mmhm" She suddenly looks bashful. He laughs. "Dad" She startles, distracted by her dad's voice suddenly sounding in her ear. Puts her finger to her lips in way of trying to hush Lucas. "No one. Talking to myself. Quit telling my kids they don't have to go to school" she sternly spouts. "...I don't give a shit if you're tired. You said you could handle being responsible for them for one day. That includes getting them to school come rain or shine...Thank you" She curtly mutters before hanging up.
"Sneaking around behind your Dad's back with me. Somethings don't change" He jokes.
"Would you rather I announced I was in bed with you?"
"Christ. No. Absolutely not"
"I thought not" She strokes his cheek. Bites her lip.
"Coachella. It's about fucking time" He proudly chimes then.
"Mhm" She's about to kiss him when her phone starts ringing again. Huffs as she cranes away from him to glances down at her phone screen. "Julian" she sighs.
"If that news has just been released you're not gonna be able to escape the phone" He realises. "You should take it"
"Should I?" She switches it to silent. "I'd rather not"
His brow kinks. "No?" He knows how seriously she takes her work commitments. Knows she's always so concerned with letting people down or having anyone assume she's a diva. He's not really sure it matters when it comes to the later; the press seem to have a field day depicting her as such no matter what she does.
"Be told to come in for a bunch of meetings and interviews or stay in bed with you?" She looks pensive. "It's a real, real tricky one" She tosses the phone onto the floor then and he grins because it might be a small action but god it means a lot. She's saying he matters more.
"Good answer, even if a little hypocritical"
She shuffles closer to him. Hooks her leg over his thigh. "Hypocritical?"
"You just told your kid she couldn't take the day off" He reminds her.
"Oh. Perks of being a parent. You get to make the rules and you get to break them too" She smirks. He laughs. Adores her like this.
"I love you like this" Tells her.
"Oh? Like what?" She links her hands round his neck.
"Care free and smiling that smile. I've not seen that smile in a while"
"The smile is all you Lucas Scott"
"Yeah? Look at you feeling the love" He husks.
"I do" She murmurs. "Love you" Clarifies.
"Mm, I will never, never tire of hearing that"
"I love you" She repeats.
•••
"P, you alright?"
Peyton startles. Swallows thickly, her gaze jolting to Brooke. "Uhuh, yeah, course. Are you ok pregnant lady?" She deflects.
"Over being the pregnant lady" Brooke huffs.
Peyton rubs her friend's back sympathetically. "You're nearly there"
"Mm" Brooke nods. "...They look good together"
Peyton's stare follows the brunette's back to Lucas and her daughters. He's giving Sawyer a lesson and Indie is eagerly participating too, much to her older sister's dismay. "Wow. Did you just give Lucas Scott a compliment?" Peyton murmurs. "Are you feeling alright?"
"Well you are fucking him aren't you?" Peyton's eyes jolt back to Brooke with her brazen question. "I'm going to have to learn to accept that he comes with my best friend even if I don't love it. I'm not stupid P"
Peyton licks her lips. "Can we not have this conversation right now" The flustered blonde hisses. "The girls are right there"
"Yep, not taking a blind bit of notice of us and way out of earshot. So, how long?" Brooke interrogates. Peyton hesitates. Mouth opens and closes. "Well?"
"...A few weeks" Utters.
"That explains a lot" Brooke rasps.
"What does that mean?"
"Well, you've sort of been dodging my calls"
"No I haven't!" Peyton contends. "I've just been busy-"
"Evidently" Brooke wriggles her eyebrows. "That fucking smile you've been wearing isn't exactly normal either"
"Gees, you say the sweetest things babe"
"Just say it how it is is all" Brooke shrugs.
"Mm. I think those hormones have you being all the more honest. I didn't think that was possible" Peyton grumbles under her breath.
"Pregnant not deaf P" Brooke squints at her. "You're the one person in the world I'll always be brave enough to be honest with"
"...I know..." Peyton nods. "And I love you for it but B sometimes your honesty isn't necessarily what I...we don't have to agree do we?" She appeals. She really doesn't feel like a Lucas doesn't deserve you debate right now. Knows her friend has the best intentions. Knows her dislike for the man in question stems through her love for her.
"...no...we don't..."
"We've both done the wrong thing. Countless times. If anything we're like the most skilled at royally fucking up" She reasons.
"Peyton-"
"No don't defend me because god you cannot talk away the guilt" She whispers almost manically. "It makes me sick" she hisses. "...and I'm not stupid. I know it can't go on like this. I know it's...when Sawyer decides she wants him to know-"
"You should be the one to tell him" Brooke interrupts then. "Don't make her do that-"
"God I'm not! Would never. You really think I'd put that on her? Of course I'm going to do it...she's made it know she doesn't want me to yet though. I, I had a long talk with her and it, I just want to do it all on her terms"
"You're still her mum. It's your truth as well as hers. Maybe she needs you to just do it."
Peyton startles at that. "You're suddenly on board with him knowing the truth?"
"Well I don't see how you can give this a proper shot until everything is on the table" Brooke reasons.
"Or because you know he's gonna fucking end it with me the second he knows" She assumes.
"No" Brooke disputes indignantly. "God, you really think I'm that bloody cruel? It, it's actually the opposite" Brooke reaches for her friend's hand and sighs. "...you're not the only one that made mistakes. I...I was Jake's biggest advocate...I thought it was right...but you, you've been the happiest you've been in years in the last few weeks...I can't just overlook that. I want you to be happy and I...I think you, he's gonna be upset and I think the longer you leave it the worse it's going to be"
Peyton snorts then, not in amusement. "I think the 13 years is gonna be significant enough for him to hate me B...I..." she frowns. Her friend's words have taken her off guard in more ways than one. Maybe because they're most out of character, or maybe because her candor rings true. "I don't want, I want to have him for just, just a bit longer if it's gonna be the...end...I know that's selfish" She confides in a whisper. Can feel a lump forming in the back of her throat. Feels as though she's walking a tight rope. Knows she's got no chance of making it to the other side. But she wants to carry on balancing for just a bit longer before she catapults back down to earth.
"It's not selfish. You gave him up. For everyone but yourself"
"You're the only person that would ever see it that way"
"Well maybe the rest of the world are dickheads P. They've not been you. Seen your life. I've seen most of it and I...you've not had it the easiest have you?"
"Oh great we're gonna talk about how I was destined to be a train wreck from the beginning" Peyton drawls.
Brooke smiles. "Kinda" She's met with a glare. "You know I think you're amazing! Anyone else in your position woulda probably been a train wreck. You did the opposite to your parents. You've built a fucking label up from the ground. Red Bedrooms is all you."
"Give your husband some credit"
"Fine" She pinches her fingers together to demonstrate such. Grins. "I know he's fucking amazing too but he gets told that enough by me" She bats her hand. "I'm just saying, you, you not wanting that for Sawyer. You wanting to protect her. It wasn't fucking wrong, not then, not now" Brooke murmurs. She rests her hand over her belly. "I'd do absolutely anything for this one. Anything at all...and as hard and as fucking shit as it would be I'd, I'd leave Julian if I thought it meant I was keeping them safe. And I thought it meant it'd keep him alive...but it wouldn't mean I'd stop loving him...I think for a long time I've thought everything that went down with you and him, that it wasn't redeemable. That it, it surpassed being forgiven but he, he got his shit together..."
"Wow, you've changed your tune"
"Mm. Maybe this one is making me reevaluate some things. I'm sorry P"
"Why're you sorry?"
"I think there's been times I've probably made you feel like you can't confide in me or like, like your love for him is wrong...it was never wrong. I just, seeing you get hurt, it, it scared me"
"...I know"
"But seeing you happy, it only highlights how unhappy you've been and I can't help thinking I played a part in you being with Jake-"
"Babe, no" Peyton dismisses. "Like you said, you just wanted me safe. I've never resented you looking out for me or the girls. I convinced myself that Jake was...I'm the only one that's responsible for my own choices. But I thank you" She smiles at her friend, her eyes glassy. "I mean if you wanna tell him you made me marry Jake and lie to him all this time please be my guest" She's joking. Has to joke or she's going to cry.
"...You still love him after everything. You forgave him. He loves you. He knows you. It might take him a minute to get his head round but he'll forgive you"
"...God I hope so"
••••
"There you are" Lucas finds her in the recording studio booth.
"Oh hey" She smiles. "Just hiding from Julian. He's had it up to hear with Felix. I know he wants to talk terminating he's contract so I'm just gonna showcase some demos to try and get him on side"
Lucas turns his nose up. "I'm with Julian on this one"
"Course you are"
"The guy wants in your pants" Lucas irritably alleges.
"Even if that were true, someone else already has that slot" She quips. "Currently"
"Currently?" His hands find her waist. Squeeze. She shrieks.
"Hey!" Spins around.
"Hey yourself. Not funny" His fingers curl round her hips, tugging her flush against him.
"I thought so"
"Where's my hello?"
"Hello" She chants. Looks at him through her lashes before appeasing him with a kiss.
"So, I was thinking. Wanna go up to Keith's old cabin at the weekend?"
"That sounds nice but I have the girls this weekend. They wanna have a film night'
"I can do film night. That sounds even better"
"Ok. We'll see" His forehead creases as he contemplates her answer. "I have all these mundane things I have to do" She avoids his stare. "Kinda comes with being a Mum. There's been so many changes for them recently that I need there to be some stability- Log cabin getaways aren't really on the agenda right now not that I wouldn't love-"
"Peyton" He cuts off her rambling. "I love the girls. The mundane things are all I want. All I've been waiting for. I don't need you to give me an out right now. I'm all in. Ok?" She didn't know she needed to hear that but god does she feel relief wash over her. "I know we've been in...hibernation mode"
Her brow raises. "We've been sleeping?" She teases.
"You know what I mean. Hiding this, us from the world. And god have I loved just getting to be with you, just us. Of course I have. I'll always cherish any moment I get you all to myself. But I don't just want you"
"No? I, I just don't want you feeling ambushed or trapped or-"
"I wanna be trapped" He emphsaises.
She swallows. "Yeah?" Thinks it's ironic because he's the one caging her against the wall right now.
"Mm"
"...ok. We should go slow though"
"I think we've surpassed slow" He knows she was referring to integrating him more into the girl's life, into her day to day life, into her public life.
"Ha ha"
He nuzzles his nose against hers. "Of course slow" Understands.
"Did you lock the door?" She wonders because she doesn't need anyone walking in on them in this precarious position right now. That wouldn't aid her desire for slow.
"Mm" He's kissing along her jawline. "Obviously"
"Julian is gonna come looking for me soon"
"He can wait" His palms are pawing at her more assertively now. "Your services are required elsewhere"
"Services" She turns her nose up.
He laughs. "What?"
"Makes me sound like I'm part of some routine maintenance"
"Don't sell yourself short. I'll let you know if your performance is up to scratch and then we can assess if you need any maintenance"
"Hilarious aren't you"
"Some might say I could be comedian" That incites a cackle from her. "Fucking rude" He pinches her side but smiles nonetheless because he adores that uninhibited cackle.
"You can't fuck me right now Luke" She murmurs.
"I have to"
"Have to" she echoes.
"Yes. Come on, it'll be like the old times" He remembers stealing moments with her at any opportunity. Tour buses. Backstage. In studios in between writing.
"Mm.." He nuzzles his nose against her. It takes her all of a second to relent "Fine, but you have to be quiet".
He snorts at that. "I'm so not the problem in that department"
"I can be quiet"
"Mhm. Sure" He tickles her sides.
She shrieks loudly. "You were saying?"
"That doesn't count!"
"Ok, well the good thing is we happen to be in a sound proof studio no? So it doesn't matter either way huh?"
"You're smart"
"It has been known to happen" He agrees. "I mean like maybe once or twice" She's fiddling with the buttons on his jacket. Her expression pensive. "What're you thinking Wiley girl?"
"Nothing. Everything" She whispers. "I love you"
"I love you" He kisses her. Is still kissing her when she mumbles into his mouth.
"Will you perform at the Grammys with me in a couple of weeks?"
"Always business on the brain" He teases. "Sure"
"It's no cabin but-"
"Peyton, shush. With you anywhere is a dream. Can we get back to the kissing thing?"
"Mm" She giggles as he lifts her up "A dream huh?"
He gives her a wane look. "Do I need to remind someone who let slip she thinks I'm a god?!"