Rated:K+ - English - Action/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2093 - Reviews: 5K - Favs: 20K - Follows: 50K - Updated: May 2nd, 2013 - Published: January 17th, 2009 - [OC,Annabeth Chase,Zoe Nightshade,Artemis,Aphrodite,Hera]

Description: Abandoned and hated by the gods and also everyone else and also betrayed, a powerful assassin will have Chaoses powers and rule the world. Im not good at summaries pls just read i swear its good.

Chapter 1

The Universe is a fascinating thing. No one knows how it truly works, or how it might think. It is vast, and infinite as far as we can truly be aware of with the extent of our knowledge. It is both everything and specifically something. The Universe is truly… Chaos. One thing is certain, however — February 29th, 2003, the Universe loved. This love was not romantic in nature. Rather, it was the ultimate expression of care and affection. Its target? A humble, broken girl. A girl who had grown in an abusive home, but had chosen to protect those around her rather than righteously lash out. A girl who had been thrown out, had never been able to find a job, and yet shared her last crust with a starving man because he was a person and she could find only love in her heart for others in her place. A girl, beaten down by the world, hurt, torn down, and shamed. A girl on the brink of death, who was given one last boon: She would live to carry within her something — no, someone, magnificent. Nine months later, a child was born, and the poor young mother went down to Elysium (Hades later said the decision was made before he even had the chance to, but refused to say who had made it).

That day, a special little boy was born, the most specialist of specials. His eyes sparkled with the power of planets, and his smile was too knowing, too wise. He was incredibly handsome and looked exactly like Chris Hemsworth, muscles, beard and all, despite having literally just been born. No sooner had he been cleaned up than he began to do standing push-ups, and twenty minutes later ran a 20K. Before the age of two, he had solved world hunger and all racism and sexism — his glorious words of peace placed on statues everywhere bringing tears to the eyes of all those who read them: "Yo, that's like not very cash money of you, lowkey you should probably like, chill with that."

All who witnessed his marvelous power were in awe of his incredible awesomeness. If this is what he had done by two, the boy would certainly grow up to be impossibly great. And he did. A great asshole. This is the story of the demigod who gave no fricks. This is the story of the son of Chaos. This is the story of the state of early-2000s fanfiction. This is the story of the great, the one, the only, the godlike yet somehow also super relatable Chaos assassin Billy-Bob.

—0—

Tartarus thought having a little brother-nephew-grandson-whatever-he-was, was perfectly brilliant. Sure the kid was a demigod… but really, he was a demicelestial. Pretty much unkillable (it made playing tag much more fun), with almost pure godhood running through his veins, and accompanied by the egocentrism that could truly only come from a superior being. The ability to rearrange molecules made hide and seek pretty interesting, too. Tartarus wasn't exactly sure how he'd become the guardian for the kid, or even when the tyke had shown up (it was almost like there was something contrived about it, like nothing had existed before that point, like he existed solely for the purpose of raising the child-), but he knew one thing for sure — nobody had better mess with his lil' buddy.

—0—

Three-year-old Billy-Bob, newly released from Tartarus to the overworld for "educational reasons" (Tartarus was sick of playing hide-and-seek), realized he didn't like falling down and getting hurt. He also didn't like getting pricked by those bushes outside the orphanage. He decided to make a change. The next time a child pricked him with a pencil, the pencil broke without leaving a mark on Billy-Bob. From then on, Billy-Bob only felt tickles when anything hit him, no matter how sharp or fast or hard that thing might be. Except when he wanted to feel it. And because he was so awesome, this never became a problem or concern ever because if he had any weaknesses whatsoever, the story would be boring and lame, according to expert writers and critics who made very deep and poignant points such as "This story sucked why does he have weakness he should beat up everyone and all the girls should like him but he should ignore them all because he's so cool," (Source: Edgy-Darkness, Lord Of (2008). Commented on Percy Jackson and The One Story That Actually Tried To Not Be A Self-Insert Power Fantasy. . Link no longer available because there was one kissing scene and that was considered inappropriate content by the content-restriction bots).

—0—

Four-year-old Billy-Bob wasn't very sure as to why exactly he couldn't go to school anymore. Something to do with "blah-blah turned teacher into a giant crayon blah-blah". Irrelevant stuff, really. He'd been having a lot of fun in this new place — they had lots of shiny white walls and he got to be tickled all the time with little metal sticks. After a while, though, it grew boring. Deciding he'd had enough, he made all the walls disappear so he could walk out. The people at the place threw little metal things at him to celebrate!

—0—

Five-year-old Billy-Bob was approached by a Satyr and told he would be safe if he came with them. Billy-Bob was a very smart young man, and decided to eat his sandwich in peace instead. He did the same every time the strange creatures approached him in increasing numbers.

"Do you not care!?" Cried out one of them finally, one sunny summer evening as Billy-Bob slurped at an ice cream he'd created out of the air.

Billy-Bob paused for a moment to consider this question. "No," he decided, "I don't."

The satyrs gave up. What were they going to do? Force him?

Chapter 2

Billy-Bob decided to go live by himself at the tender age of six. The orphanage did nothing for him, he could create his own more comfortable home, and really, he hated people. People sucked. Not only was Billy-Bob super cool, he was also relatably edgy and dark and solitary. He lived in peace till his fifteenth birthday, on which Tartarus, with whom he'd taken an internship working from home, paid him a visit.

"The Satyrs are complaining."

"They always do that."

"I mean they do, but now they're complaining about YOU."

"Cool."

"Yeah. Sucky part is, though, that your dad sent me a text message about wanting you to be a hero and all that, and that you're refusing to go with the Satyrs to camp Halfblood."

"Okay so wait- my dad…"

"Mhm…"

"-The Universe itself…"

"Mhm…"

"Sent you a text message."

"Yeah."

"Well that seems like a plot hole. Any chance I can just kill all the monsters here and now?"

"Nah, your dad wants to make this a whole hero-ish storyline, so missions and traveling it is."

"Well crap."

"Tough luck, pal."

"Yeah. By the way, how's Nyx?"

"Great, just had a couple of monster babies!'

"Hey boss?"

"Yeah?"

"Why do you want me to kill your kids?"

"My kids are assholes. They spend all their time trying to avoid visiting me. Killing them doesn't really kill them, it just sends them back home for a while."

"Still…"

"Kid, shut up. It's for the plot. The author has no idea how to advance plot so he made the stupid decision of making ME your mentor."

"What kind of idiot does that?"

Tartarus looked right at the author, who felt like he was being a little overly meta even for a crackfic at this point. "This idiot."

The author stuck his tongue out at his creation, and then promptly considered how stupid he was for such a ridiculous action.

"Well then," groaned an already weary Billy-Bob. "Let's get this adventure over with."

Chapter 3

Amy had always known she was destined to do something incredible. The moment she had found she was a demigod, and a daughter of the god of war himself, she had prepared herself. She had trained, giving her sweat, tears, and blood to become the best fighter possible. She knew she wasn't like other girls. She wasn't absorbed with makeup or boys or gossip. She was different, she was QUIRKY. Which was why she was ready when the monsters attacked. She was glorious, skimming between the monsters and slicing them to pieces. People even stopped in awe. No one could match her.

Which was why it was so very confusing when a boy just appeared out of nowhere, carrying a very distraught looking satyr bridal-style, and all the remaining monsters turned to dust.

"I-" she stuttered, angrily, "WHAT!?" She marched over to the boy, who seemed to be writing something out on a piece of paper which was somehow sustained on the air as if there was a book or pad behind it.

"EXCUSE ME," she said. "EXCUSE ME! WHO ARE YOU!?"

"None of your business," he answered. "Now, let's see, form stack 3A, mass elimination of monsters and hiatus of several renegade Furies. What a logistical nightmare."

The boy, she realized, was very handsome. And he could match her power. She needed to have him. She was suddenly very in love with him. "Hey," she said, changing her voice, her tone becoming soft, "I'm Amy."

"Don't care. Please let me do my paperwork."

She laughed and touched his arm. "You're funny. No one understands me like you do. Where are you from?"

He pulled back. "D-d-did I stu-tu-tutter? I'm trying to fill paperwork out here, stupid . You know how many times I'll have to fill this out again if anyone bothers me? I'll never hear the end of it from my boss. And THEN, I'll never be able to get back to my sandwiches. Go. AWAY."

A very sullen Amy stalked back through the watching campers back to her cabin.

Chapter 4

The next week was a very strange one. The fastest capture the flag ever was held, with Billy-Bob nonchalantly freezing everyone in place (he'd declared he'd be his own team) as he teleported to the flag and then brought it back to his side of the river.

The Oracle announced in a prophecy that Billy-Bob (unsurprisingly) and two others would embark on a heroic journey to wipe key monster bastions off the face of the Earth. The annoying Ares girl volunteered to come, as did some unimportant son of Apollo (He didn't matter to the plot).

Billy-Bob wearily finished his paperwork for Camp Halfblood's rescue right before he got into the vehicle which took him and his companions to the train station. On the train, a very pretty stewardess ended up trying to eliminate Billy-Bob from the equation (of life) — but being the feminist ally icon that he was, he slapped her so hard she poofed into ashes and dust. Billy-Bob continued eating the sandwich he had made himself. He pulled out another form from thin air and began to fill out the text.

Annoying Girl caressed his arm. "Wow, you're so strong. I'm super strong too, you know."

He ignored her.

"HEY!" She said. "Don't ignore me! We're fated to be together by shipping rules of Fanon!"

"Do I look like I care?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Good. Just making sure. I need to reject you a ton because that makes me cool."

He got back to the paperwork.

Chapter 5

Two weeks later they had already gone through a ton of adventures and Billy-Bob was even more powerful than before (somehow, stop asking questions) and for some reason there were a bunch of attractive women on the team now (The son of Apollo who had volunteered at the beginning of story has not been mentioned since he volunteered, but all of the girls have varied and detailed descriptions of their appearance and how in love they are with Billy-Bob and why). Also they all have guns and space-ships now.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a huge monster appeared. "WITNESS MY POWER AND TREMBLE, MORTALS!" He declared, in a powerful voice. "I'M SUPER EVIL AND POWERFUL AND SOMEHOW IMMUNE TO THE MAIN CHARACTER'S POWERS!"

"Oh no!" Said Billy-Bob, who for some reason now cared about the world and what happened to it. "I will stop it! Don't worry babe!" He added and kissed Amy deeply. They were now torridly in love and had a three-year old.

Author's Note: Heyyyyyyyy guys! This story isnt abnandoned I swear! im going to update soon dont worry. I just have to do some rehab bc im kind of addicted to meth haha. Dnt worry nd ill be back in a week or too!

(Actual Author's Note: Hi everyone, I felt it necessary to make clear that I am not, in fact, going to rehab due to a methamphetamine addiction. I hope you enjoyed, because I hate myself a little for writing this.)