Every Little Thing

by wolvesjr34

Sequel to What if It's You. Jane and Maura face major hurdles in chasing their happily ever after. An attack on Missy six months ago has widespread ramifications as she falls apart and Jane swoops in to play saviour. But at what cost? It's a soap, characters have evolved since the prequel and are going to be OOC by the sheer nature of it being a SOAP.

38. Chapter 38

Chapter Thirty Eight

"I honestly didn't think I would hear from you so soon. It's only been a few days."

Jane sighs heavily, her soul is weighed down and Maura's eyes are so earnest. In perfect circumstances, Maura's assessment would be accurate, but these are not normal circumstances. Jane needs her best friend right now, more than ever. She needs Maura to temper her demons. Her unbridled anger. Because she cannot make the same mistake she made last week. She cannot fall into the clutches of the bottle once more. Melissa needs her and yeah, three days sober is a real damn achievement given everything going on right now, but it's not enough. She desperately wants to make it to four and even though just looking at Maura stirs a seething rage in her gut, Jane knows she's the only person who can talk her off the ledge.

Jane simply nods. So much concentration goes into controlling the fury that wants to unleash like a tsunami on its unexpecting victim, that she cannot yet find the words to speak. She is just thankful that Maura is willing to entertain her given her radio silence since they last spoke.

Maura's hands are folded in her lap. She sits off to the side in the armchair, while Jane takes up space on the couch. Her old familiar spot. It feels surreal being back inside Maura's home, which used to be her home. Nothing looks like it has changed at all, and yet nothing feels the same either.

"What's going on?" Maura asks, dragging Jane back to the current moment.

Ain't that the sixty four thousand dollar question?

Jane sighs. Her hands clench on her lap as she thinks about the latest pile of shit to be heaped onto her. She feels the muscles in her face tighten into a scowl when she answers, "Kelly's in town and she's had me barred from visiting Missy."

Maura's brows furrow briefly before her face softens exponentially and Jane can feel empathy radiating from her even as she seeks confirmation of her thought process. "They're still legally married and Melissa hasn't changed her next of kin?"

Jane nods to answer Maura's question. There's a level of self control she's tapping into that has never been reached by another Rizzoli; certainly not her father, nor Tommy and Frankie. Maybe her mother, but only because she reared three boisterous, oftentimes obnoxious children into adulthood without succumbing to the temptation of strangling at least one of them.

Maura is being gracious and trying to provide the friendship she needs right now and yet a tiny, irrational, angry voice in the back of her head is screaming at her that this is all Maura's fault. Kelly is back in town, wielding her fake marriage as a weapon, interfering in her ability to be there and take care of Melissa. All because Maura opened her Goddamned big mouth.

Abruptly, Jane stands and walks out of the room. She hightails it for the kitchen, looking for something, anything, to distract her from the searing inferno of rage that is ready to burn the house down around them. She opens the refrigerator and stares inside, looking at the neatly organised contents. She snatches a bottle of water and closes the door when she feels Maura's presence behind her. She doesn't turn, instead her hand grips the top of the bottle and twists it back and forth. She isn't really thirsty.

"Jane," Maura's voice is soft. The tone one of those fifty inflections Maura has perfected. This one a simple request, 'talk to me'.

Jane doesn't speak, but she flinches when she feels Maura's hand on her shoulder. A simple comforting touch that feels like it's searing Maura's brand onto her body. Her nerves are shot, her heart's close to exploding and there's a dull throbbing starting to build behind her left eye. This is a mistake. She shouldn't be here. She's not ready to face this. She thought she could do this, but she can't, not without exploding like Mount Vesuvius in all its glory. She shrugs away from Maura's touch and hurries towards the hall, leaving the bottled water on the counter on her way out the door.

"Jane, stop." Maura is firm, forceful.

Jane stops and whirls around. Her eyes wild and nostrils flaring as she readies herself for battle.

Maura is cool, calm and collected. She meets Jane's narrowing gaze head on and says, "Let it out. If you don't, you're going to lose control when you can least afford it."

Jane feels the tension building in her body, her anger so close to uncoiling and striking viciously, but a small part of her won't let her do it. She can't and it only makes her rage increase. With an unholy roar she turns and slams her fist straight into the wall. She hisses, shakes her hand and turns away, walking towards the front door before turning back to Maura and pointing at her fiercely.

"She's a fucking zombie, Maura." Jane growls, "They won't fucking let her out. She needs me, Maura. Do you understand that? She needs me and I can't be there. This is all your Goddamned fault!"

"Talk to Kelly," Maura says calmly, having lost zero composure. Whatever she thinks or feels about Jane's anger, is firmly locked so far deep inside that Jane can't read her. "Tell her everything, Jane."

"What the Hell good will that do, huh?"

"She's in love with her, Jane. She's not seeing the full picture. All she can see is the pain she feels and Melissa's apparent backward slide since she left. She undoubtedly thinks you are bad for Melissa's wellbeing."

Maura may as well have just stabbed her with a knife. It certainly wasn't her best friend's intent, this Jane can read on her face, but the cold hard truth is eviscerating. So she lashes out angrily, refusing to deal with the pain or see logic. "Bullshit. She didn't even fight for her, Maura. She just walked the fuck away."

"Like you did when Melissa chose Gabby?" Maura asks innocently.

"Biggest regret of my life," Jane retorts immediately, her chest aching.

Maura's face drops and she glances away, no longer able to make eye contact.

Jane kicks herself mentally, her anger subsiding just enough to recognise how hurtful her words were. "Maura, I didn't… I mean… FUCK!"

It's hard to articulate how she feels, because she hates that her words hurt Maura. She hates that they came out of her mouth so angrily; so definitively, but they're also true. As it stands right now, her greatest regret is not fighting for Melissa three years ago. She should have fought harder. She should have exhausted herself fighting. Maybe then she wouldn't be in this position right now, her hand throbbing painfully.

Maura remains silent and Jane tries again. "It's killing me to hurt you like that with my words. I just know I could have protected her from so much of her recent trauma." It doesn't look like her words are hitting home and Jane feels desperation pumping through her veins. She doesn't even try to think her way through it anymore, instead she simply blurts, "I dunno how to navigate these feelings I have."

Maura's eyes snap towards her and Jane can see the super computer that is her brain shifting into overdrive. The intensity in Maura's gaze makes her feel unsettled. She focuses on her throbbing hand, holding it in her other hand and inspecting it. She thinks she may have actually broken something. At least, that's what her brain tells itself to distract from the ache in her chest.

Maura slips into the spot right in front of her and gently takes Jane's injured hand into her own, causing an involuntary hitch in Jane's breathing. Maura runs her thumb over the injured knuckles and Jane hisses. Maura's eyes lift and for a moment Jane is mesmerised. She swallows thickly and snatches her hand back, turning away to break from Maura's intense gaze. It is disturbing how much she can say without speaking.

"Which feelings?"

Maura's question feels like it is out of nowhere and Jane feels like a quarterback hit from the blindside. Her entire body deflates as she shakes her head, not wanting to open that can of worms.

"Why are you here, Jane?" Maura continues probing. She doesn't sound like she's angry, rather she sounds curious and a brief moment glancing towards her eyes confirms that for Jane.

"I don't know," Jane huffs. Because while she thought she knew when she rocked up, she isn't so sure now. It was a mistake to come here, but she's here now and she feels like a specimen under Maura's microscope. It is unnerving.

Maura slides around in front of her, gently gripping both of Jane's arms. Her gaze is searching and Jane averts her eyes. "Stop it," she growls, even as she realises she's staring at Maura's lips.

"It's alright," Maura coos.

Jane rolls her neck and starts counting in her head. She feels violated by Maura's big, stupid brain. Her best friend can see right through her it feels like, and once again here they are on the precipice of making a mistake. Except she can't make another mistake, she can't let herself feel these things. These feelings come at great expense to a relationship she values. At great expense to a woman already struggling to deal with life.

Only, Jane's mouth has a mind of its own. "I'm so angry with you," she declares, her heart pounding violently against her ribcage. "I don't know what to do with that anger, Maura. Because I can't wrap my head around someone I love doing something so detrimental to someone else I love."

"I know you're angry," Maura answers softly, a glimmer of a realisation shining in her eyes. Her thumbs gently massage Jane's arm as she continues, "You have every right to feel that way. I miscalculated, for which I am truly sorry."

Jane hears the apology and somewhere inside a part of her feels how genuine it is and is appeased by the offering, but her mind is laser focused on Maura's eyes and her own words and the dawning realisation staring back at her. She absolutely hates when this happens. Maura always knows her better than she knows herself and the attempt to mollify her with soft words and a genuine apology is because her best friend is about to spring open that can of worms that needs to stay firmly shut.

"Don't," Jane practically begs in an attempt to cut her off at the pass.

Maura, however, can't help herself. It's her nature and Jane knows this, her entire body tensing up in anticipation of a conversation she is not ready to have. A conversation she may not ever be ready to have.

"You're still in love with me." Maura says, matter-of-factly. Her eyes are two truth seeking orbs that cause Jane to flinch under their spotlight.

Jane shakes her head very slowly, like she is forehead deep in quicksand. "I'm in love with Missy."

"Oh, I know." Maura states calmly, causing Jane's brain to melt even more as she feels her body shrink into itself in an attempt to cocoon away from the conversation. "However, I do believe you are in love with me too."

Jane's eyes squeeze shut and she tilts her head back as if she were looking to the sky. This is not happening. This isn't who she is. How the Hell do you fall in love with two people? It makes no sense.

"Tell me I'm wrong, Jane." Maura says, clearly sensing Jane's reticence.

Jane shakes her head more rapidly this time. She can't do this. She can't have this conversation. It hurts too much. It will hurt Maura too much and now that her anger has subsided for the time being, there isn't a single cell in her body that wants to hurt the woman gripping her arms tightly. It doesn't matter that she feels strong romantic feelings for both women, because she must choose. There's no happily ever after with her bouncing between women night after night.

She chose Melissa. She chooses Melissa. She will always choose Melissa. It's a matter of need. Both Melissa's and her own and it is absolutely killing Jane to be cognisant of this. She silently curses Maura for dragging her feelings so clearly into the light. They were so much better off believing that their time had passed, that she didn't still have romantic feelings for Maura. So much better off.

"You're wrong," Jane says quietly with as much conviction as she can muster. Her eyes look past Maura towards the front door. It's probably a good time to leave.

Maura steps away and follows Jane's eyes towards the door before looking back at Jane, plainly aware of the detective's desire to retreat. "Okay," she says confidently. "I'll believe you if you can walk out that door without looking back."

Jane sets her jaw. Challenge accepted. She strides purposefully to the front door, appreciative of the out Maura has given her. She grips the handle and then everything inside her shifts. She can't move. She wants to turn back around. She wants to be honest. She wants to tell Maura everything she feels, but she can't. She's torn. What good does it do Maura to know that she would still give her life for her? It only traps her in a fruitless holding pattern. She has to walk out this door, not just for herself, but for Maura.

"You can't do it? Can you?" Maura asks softly as she approaches.

Jane doesn't say anything, simply presses her head against the wood and feels tears as they roll down her face.

Maura's hand presses soothingly against the small of her back, causing a shudder to roll down Jane's spine. "This doesn't change anything Jane, I know you can't choose me. I know that she needs you and you need her."

Relief. Glorious relief. Of course Maura understands. Jane's head rolls against the wood in an awkward attempt to nod, her words still failing her in this moment.

"We'll be fine, Jane. It's okay. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere." Maura states softly.

Jane whirls around, all hair and messy tears as she shakes her head vigorously. She opens her mouth to speak, but she cannot find the words. Maura absolutely cannot hold on, it isn't fair and it will only drive a wedge between them and Jane can't lose Maura, she simply can't.

Urgent words finally erupt, "You have to let me go. I won't leave her."

Maura's smile is soft, though her eyes are so clearly sad. "I know," she assures kindly, "I meant that you still matter. You will always matter, Jane. Our friendship will survive this."

"You need to move on," Jane blurts, her brain having yet to catch up with Maura's words.

"I know," it's a simple acknowledgement that comes with a gentle hand tucking Jane's wild curls back behind her ears.

Jane's eyes close and she leans into the hand lingering by her ear. She yearns for a physical intimacy she knows she can't have. Fresh tears slide down her face and her breath catches in her throat when she feels the pad of Maura's thumb wiping them away. "I don't know how to do this," she admits through sharp intakes of breath.

"Do what?"

"All of it."

"Darling, I need more context." Maura removes her hand from Jane's cheek, prompting the bereft detective to open her eyes.

Jane's eyes burn and she has to focus on her breathing for a moment to find some sense of equilibrium, but she answers. "You. Me. Her. Alec. Rachael. Kelly. Hoyt. Hoyt wannabe. All of it."

"Oh."

Maura's face softens with such compassion that Jane can barely bring herself to look at her. She doesn't feel like she deserves this tenderness. This kindness. She drops her head and braces herself against the door as her knees feel weak and if not for Maura's quick thinking she may have stumbled. Instead Maura takes her by the arm and guides her back into the living room, where she plops down unceremoniously onto the couch.

Maura sits down next to her and places a hand gently on her knee. Jane looks at that spot and back into serious hazel eyes. Maura says, "You're letting it all build up and you're not dealing with any of it, Jane. Even the strong need a little help sometimes, so let me help you."

Jane realises that she cannot do this alone, not anymore. She is being kept from the only other person who is capable of helping her sort through her thoughts and that leaves one and if she doesn't take advantage of Maura's offer, she's being stubborn and stupid. Jane is tired of being stupid. She lets out a deep breath and says, "Okay."

Maura looks toward the door and says, "Let me make us some tea and then we can talk."

In the back of her mind a vague memory comes back to Jane. The night she ran from Melissa's kiss because of the love she felt, she went out and drank. She remembers that part easily and she vaguely recalls stopping by to see Maura and she definitely remembers the kiss between them that changed everything, but most of the rest of the night has always felt like a blur. It still does, but she feels a sense of deja vu, a sense of calmness and she looks over at Maura's inquisitive eyes and her body relaxes.

"No tea," Jane says quietly and motions towards Maura's lap, mindful of respecting boundaries that she'd have never thought twice about respecting in the past.

For a moment Maura stares blankly, but her face softens and she pats her own leg, providing permission.

Jane kicks off her shoes and shifts on the couch, scooting into a position on her back with her head laying on Maura's lap, so she can look up at soothing hazel eyes. Maura's hand tangles in her hair, massaging her scalp. Surprisingly this isn't something that happened often in their romantic relationship, if at all, now that she thinks about it. The underlying tension and trust issues definitely stole a lot of intimacy that Jane wasn't even aware of.

It hurts to realise, and perhaps adds to why she feels so close with Melissa, because soft intimacy is something that comes easily with them both. It isn't Maura's fault though, she's very soft and gentle when given an opportunity, it's on her. Jane knows this, and feels sad because of it, but she can't change their history. She can't change the way things were, she can only try to find something that works for them now. "I'm sorry," she says unexpectedly.

Maura's brow furrows, "For what?"

"For never giving you this level of intimacy when we were together."

Maura appears confused for a long time, though really it is merely seconds. "While I appreciate it, I don't think it's necessary. We aren't the same people we were in Boston, Jane."

"I know that, but I can't help but see a similarity between what she gives me and what I didn't let you give me." It's hard to admit, but Jane thinks Maura deserves the truth. Hell, she owes it to herself too for that matter. How can she expect to navigate this situation if she doesn't face it?

Maura's hand stills for a moment, Jane thinks it so she can school her features and hide her hurt, but she can't be sure because moments later Maura's hand continues its tender ministration and her face never changes in it's softness. Jane marvels at Maura's self control.

"It wasn't me you were shutting down, Jane." Maura explains softly, her eyes looking so very sad. "You were punishing yourself for letting her go."

Jane's face scrunches up in confusion and she simply stares up at Maura, hoping she will explain further because right now, she doesn't sound like she's making any sense. At least none that her emotionally exhausted brain can understand.

"You've said it many times since we've broken up, Jane. Letting her leave is your biggest regret and of all the things you worked on in therapy, I'm fairly certain you refused to talk about her."

Ouch. Way to call me out, Maura.

"I… uh… You're right. I'd freeze up or move on to something else, I couldn't. I didn't want to face that decision."

Fuck, honesty is hard. It feels like stepping into quicksand, where the wrong movement will leave you sinking to the depths of doom. She feels like that right now, like she's sinking and she can't decide if Maura is the strong vine she can grip to drag herself out or if she's the panicked thrashing that only hastens her demise.

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't want to admit to myself that I was still helplessly in love with her. I didn't want to consider what that meant, given how I felt… how I feel about you." Jane sighs and closes her eyes, realising that the truth is easy, because it isn't like it hasn't been said or deduced already. Maura's a highly intelligent woman with an incredible memory, which while not being the most fun to go against during an argument, makes this moment easier. Jane doesn't feel like she is trapped in quicksand anymore, she feels like she can breathe.

"How you feel about me is irrelevant." Maura says softly, causing Jane's eyes to snap open. Her eyes narrow in on hazel ones, but they aren't hurt, they're focused and Maura continues to clarify her words, "There are reasons we didn't work out, Jane. Does it hurt? Yes. Do I regret that we missed our chance? Yes. You can't spend precious energy worrying about me. I will be fine. I am fine, Jane."

Jane eyes Maura suspiciously, suspecting that its a 'will be emotionally fine', and a 'physically fine' situation happening in Maura's brain enabling her to so easily present an absolute falsehood without breaking out into hives, but Jane chooses to let it go, because she can see the genuineness behind the intent. Instead she says the only truth that matters to her right now, "But I do worry about you."

Maura sighs softly, searching for God knows what in Jane's eyes. Jane reaches out for Maura's free hand and intertwines their fingers, dragging the hand down to her chest, refusing to let go. She needs this. She needs the comfort Maura provides. It's calming. It's fortifying. It's allowing her mind freedom to explore and process the things that would otherwise hold her down.

As she continues to meet Maura's steady gaze Jane thinks of another reason this kind of intimacy isn't something they partook in at all during their relationship. Maura has a front row seat to read her eyes and everything hidden behind them, and while her intention is to be open and honest, it's unnerving. She closes her eyes and exhales quietly. She has never been a fan of being this vulnerable. Not with Maura anyway.

Maura squeezes her hand and quietly says, "I worry about you too."

It took her so long to say that, that Jane wonders what else has been going on in her mind. Clearly her thoughts are elsewhere, probably thinking about her drinking the other night. Jane opens one eye and peers upwards at her best friend and says, "I haven't had another drink since that night."

Maura looks puzzled and Jane crosses that theory from the list. She opens her other eye, so that she can fully take Maura in. "What are you thinking about?"

"Truthfully?"

Jane pulls an incredulous face. "As if you can be anything but."

"Touché."

Jane grins, pleased with herself. It's nice to smile. It's nice to feel joy, even if it's momentary. "Go on, Doctor Smartypants."

"I was thinking about the last time we were in this position."

"Definitely a lot more whiskey involved that night," Jane regretfully acknowledges. "What about it?"

"I was just thinking about how before you knocked on my door I had come through a difficult conversation with Gabby, watched Die Hard and…"

"Best Christmas movie ever!" Jane interrupts gleefully.

Maura purses her lips and Jane feels admonished enough to make a zipping motion across her own lips with her free hand. Maura continues like she wasn't just interrupted. "Felt settled in my relationship. Then you show up at my door and I'm in awe at the way Gabby just takes it in stride. I know at that moment she's the one."

Jane does her best to keep her features neutral, recognising that there's probably some kind of epiphany happening and if not that, some much needed introspection. It hurts though, and she feels selfish for that. What right does she have to feel hurt because at one moment in time Maura may have considered someone else her one? Isn't that what she herself keeps declaring in her own way by constantly choosing Melissa?

Once Jane acknowledges and lets the hurt go, guilt slams into her like a mack truck. Maura is practically confirming every single thought she has had that by interfering in her best friend's relationship with Gabby she stole something good from her. Jane closes her eyes, she can't look up at Maura, even if she herself is in her own little world looking across the room. The guilt sits heavily in her gut.

"And then you tasted like whiskey, cheese and home."

Cheese?

Jane doesn't voice her initial thought, because while she doesn't remember the cheese, she understands that feeling in a kiss. She felt it the very night Maura is reminiscing about, down the road, on the bench in Ockerby Gardens with Melissa. "I'm sorry," she says regretfully, forcing herself to look at her best friend. "I didn't know how to accept my feelings then either. It took me years to acknowledge how I felt for you. I wasn't ready to feel it with someone else, so I told myself it couldn't possibly be right. I couldn't possibly be in love with Missy."

Maura's smile is rueful. "In hindsight, it would have been better if you had better understood your own feelings before you stumbled drunkenly back into my life."

There was zero doubting her culpability in their changed fortunes from that night forward. It wasn't just their kiss that set things into motion, it was Gabby kissing Melissa that would have also been avoided. Jane can't help it, she has to verbalise the truth. "I really fucked us all."

When Maura doesn't admonish her for her choice of language, Jane wonders if Maura is having serious regrets about her choice to give in to her lunacy that night? She can't really blame her, not with how things have worked out. She feels like a complete jackass for everything she's put Maura through. "I'm pretty sure she's still in love with you though."

Pain flashes across Maura's face as she shakes her head and averts her gaze. Apparently even Maura feels the invasiveness of their current position when the heat is on. "We've already talked about this, Jane."

"Yeah, and I let my jealousy get the better of me. You asked the question Maura. You wanted to know if I thought she was still in love with you. There has to be a reason for that."

Maura doesn't say anything and her gaze remains firmly planted in the vicinity of the television.

"Actually, I know she's still in love with you. She told me to my face. I guess she didn't want me to be blindsided if something happens between you two."

Maura's hand, which has rhythmically massaged her scalp this entire time, stops moving and Maura's eyes are hard when she looks down. "I don't want to talk about this, Jane."

There's an edge to her tone that to anyone else would sound like she's angry, and while there's undoubtedly some warranted anger in there, Jane feels her sadness. She quickly sits up and swings around on the couch so that she's facing Maura as best as she can. She places a hand on Maura's knee to draw her attention and when she has it she says, "This is me you're talking to. This is us. It doesn't matter what happens between us, Maura. We find our way back to this… this… unshakeable bond we have. So don't shut down now. Talk to me. Please."

Maura doesn't speak, she lightly shakes her head and looks like she's about to cry, which only sets off panic in Jane. She can't stand to see Maura cry, ever. It only makes it harder for Maura to find her words when the tears start falling as well.

Jane desperately wracks her brain trying to think her way through Maura's thought process. It's clearly to do with Gabby, or her, or both. What is it that Maura is thinking? What would make her want to cry like this? She debates between trusting her intuition and trying to do the talking for Maura and saying something so ridiculously wrong that Maura can't help but correct her.

In the end she decides to be direct. Jane's voice is heavy with concern as she asks, "What's going on in that big brain of yours?"

Maura looks at Jane with such sad eyes. "I don't know where to begin."

She might not know where to begin, but Maura doesn't shy away from maintaining eye contact. In the swirl of hazel Jane sees a level of sadness and uncertainty that leaves her shaken to her core. Is she the cause of this pain? The only thing she is sure of is that whatever it is, Maura can't keep holding it in. "Sweetheart, I don't care where you start. Just please talk to me."

"I don't want to hurt you anymore than I already have." Maura admits quietly and Jane believes it.

"I'm still here." Jane says firmly, "It doesn't matter how much you hurt or anger me, Maura. You are essential to my life."

"Jane," Maura's inflection is an attempt to cool her embers, but Jane is having none of that.

"No. I don't get to avoid feeling hurt if it comes at your expense." Jane motions with her hand between the two of them, "I am your best friend. I'm the one you can tell anything, even if it's the kind of thing that might hurt your ex-fiancée. Do you understand me?"

"But you are my…"

"Maura!" Jane cuts off forcefully, her tone indicating a very clear 'you know what I mean'.

Maura stares at her for a solid minute without saying a word, but Jane doesn't budge, she barely blinks. This is important. This matters. She feels it deep within her soul. What Maura is working through in her head right now, matters. She will win this stare down. She will get her way.

She does.

Maura huffs and says quite directly, "I'm hurt and I'm angry and I'm questioning so many decisions."

"Okay, now we're getting somewhere. What are you questioning?" Jane encourages Maura to continue.

"Why did I even tell Gabby how I felt about you? It didn't change how I felt about her. I was in love with her, Jane. When you stumbled in here drunk and confused looking for me to fix your emotionally stunted…" Maura pulls a face and just stops mid sentence.

Jane completes it for her. "Bullshit. When I stumbled in here looking for you to fix my emotionally stunted bullshit. Don't hold back now. You have earned this moment, Maura."

Maura straightens out her posture and glares at Jane with a very righteous fury in her eyes, "Damn right I have. I gave up love for you, Jane."

Outwardly Jane remains calm, she provides the canvas for Maura to go absolutely ham on. On the inside she is hurting, aching, dying a little. She can't rebut a single word, because Maura isn't wrong, not yet. Her own emotionally stunted bullshit has led them to this place where Maura has given up so much. Jane wonders how this woman can still look at her, but she doesn't say anything. She just appreciates the grace that Maura has given her since they split. Because there has been plenty of it necessary.

"I know," Jane finally acknowledges softly.

"You have no idea," Maura spits angrily, clearly ready to unleash some home truths. "She nearly died Jane, because she felt like she had nothing left to live for."

"That's not on you Maura." Jane says in an attempt to ease the pain her best friend is clearly feeling.

Maura shakes her head and breaks eye contact, choosing to look across the room while she gathers her thoughts. When she looks back at Jane, it's clear she's in a world of pain. All the indignant anger in her eyes has faded and now the sadness is all that's left and it leaves Jane rubbing at the back of her neck nervously.

"You know what happened that morning Jane. You know that we kissed, that she declared her intentions. You know she wanted me back and you know that I turned her down."

Jane nods. She remembers the conversation that happened right before their own confusing kiss. Right before Maura pulled the rug from underneath her about Rachael being alive.

"I wanted it too, Jane. I wanted it to escalate. I wanted to comfort her and I wanted to give her what she asked for."

There it is. The truth. Jane lets out a deep breath and focuses on her breathing, because Maura's right, it does hurt. It shouldn't. It's a fucking mess of a situation they've all found themselves in because she has the emotional awareness of a brick. She chooses not to think about her own hurt though, because this is a big moment and it dawns on Jane why it was so easy for Maura to understand her own confusing love for two people. "You have feelings for her?"

Maura doesn't answer, but she doesn't need to. Because she hasn't shut down the window to her soul in her eyes. A talent that Jane wishes she could master, but she has nothing on Maura as far as shutting down and being clinical goes. Maura isn't doing that though. She's letting Jane see it all and it makes her want to throw up. She feels nauseous. "Please tell me you didn't turn her down in spite of your own feelings, for me?"

"If I'm honest there are several reasons I turned her down, but I won't lie to you Jane. You play a very big role in those reasons."

All of Maura's anger makes so much sense now. Of course she's questioning decisions she's made. She let happiness slip through her fingers once, and is repeating history as they speak. If Gabby had died, God, if Gabby had died.

Jane stands and rushes out of the room straight for the downstairs bathroom. She heaves up the contents of her stomach into the toilet, and continues retching after there's nothing left to lose. When her stomach finally settles she washes her mouth out with water and then grabs the mouthwash and swirls it around for a solid minute before spitting it out and then rinsing with water again. She washes her face for good measure and when she's done she turns to find Maura standing in the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Are you alright?" Maura's concern is genuine and Jane simply stares, prompting further worry. Maura enters the room and stands in front of her to assess her physical well being. "Jane?" She questions when she realises there's nothing else visibly wrong.

Jane's brain is stuck considering the fact that Maura turned Gabby's request for an intimate relationship down. That she turned it down and then Gabby decided to try and get herself killed. That Gabby means a Hell of a lot more to Maura than even she realised at the time it was happening. If Gabby died, God, if she died Maura would never have forgiven her.

"I was a hair's width from losing you forever," Jane finally verbalises, her eyes snapping towards Maura's. "If she died…"

"She didn't." Maura says softly, her hands drawing Jane's between them. "Like I said, I didn't want to hurt you."

Jane clamps down on the hands holding hers and half guides, half drags Maura out of the bathroom down the hall into the foyer.

"What are you doing?" Maura questions, clearly surprised.

Jane is fuelled by an erratic energy. She is fuelled by the intensity of her love for this woman and the intensity of her need to have this woman in her life and that means only one thing right now. That means that they have to be done. Maura has to let her go and, Christ, she has to stop being so damn afraid of love. Maura cannot miss any more opportunities because of this unyielding thing that unfailingly draws them back together time and time again.

"Didn't want to be in the bathroom," Jane mumbles as she places a hand in the small of Maura's back and pulls her flush against her body. It's counterintuitive to her goal, but there's a method to her madness. It all started with a kiss and now that Maura has finally acknowledged her feelings for Gabby, Jane suspects it will only end with a kiss.

Maura's eyes widen in recognition as Jane leans in, but they flutter closed, giving Jane the green light. She kisses Maura with tenderness and reverence, she pours all of her love into the kiss, much like she asked Maura to do the night that everything changed. Maura seeks entrance into her mouth and she gives it and as their tongues dance a delicate tango, Jane can feel it in her own body. She feels the lightness, she feels the freedom. She feels the letting go.

When they finally part, Jane wraps her arms around Maura and holds her close, resting her face in the crook of Maura's neck. She presses several soft kisses against the warm skin there, but she doesn't feel the raging fire of desire she's been feeling lately. She thinks she understands why. She thinks it's because they've been allowing the drama fuelling their emotions to heighten their fear of losing one another and it's only been leading them down a road that will see them do precisely that if it continues. Their time is past.

"I love you," Jane murmurs against the skin beneath her lips, allowing herself one last tender moment.

"I love you too," Maura says, an obvious quiver in her voice.

They stand there quietly for a while, relishing in their embrace. Neither of them are willing to step away. Neither of them are willing to look into one another's eyes just yet, because they don't want to acknowledge that it's finally, well and truly, over.

Maura draws back and they search one another's eyes. Jane lets out a sigh of relief when she can see on Maura's face that they're both on the same wavelength. It's beyond time to move on from each other romantically.

Jane brushes some hair from Maura's face gently and asks the most pertinent question given the circumstance. "What's stopping you from telling her how you feel?"

"Us, Jane. Everything I've experienced with you has taught me that jumping into a romantic relationship with her right now will end badly. She needs to grieve, just like you needed to grieve the end of your relationship with Melissa. You didn't and here we are."

"Maura," Jane says, her face softening compassionately, "That's a little different."

"No, Jane. I could tell you were just pushing it aside. I let you and it has blown up in all of our faces. I can't risk that again."

It's food for thought, Jane realises. Because she has already acknowledged that she did not want to deal with those feelings then, and so she didn't. She didn't and they just lingered, causing an underlying resentment that she didn't even realise she was feeling. Is she making the same mistake with Melissa? Melissa has two relationships to grieve and she isn't exactly handling her own parting with Maura well either.

"So you think that I've made a mistake with Missy then? You think I've rushed into this?"

"No. I think that you have a very unique situation on your hands. You have a girlfriend who needs the stability you provide. She will process her grief better with you by her side." Maura answers almost clinically, a clear indicator that she isn't allowing her feelings to cloud her judgement. "And you are very clear on where you need to be."

Jane sighs with relief. She trusts Maura and if she doesn't think it's a problem, she isn't going to turn it into one. "Gabby can grieve while in a relationship with you too, Maura."

Jane almost lets Maura go when she pulls the most absurd face, but she manages to keep her arm around her back, despite her shock.

"If I give Gabby what she wants, she won't process her grief, she'll bury it. She will do what I let you do all these years. It won't end well. I'll lose her all over again."

Jane doesn't understand the issue. There's a very simple solution. "So don't let her. You are aware of your mistake. Don't repeat it. Help her."

Maura finally untangles them from their intimate position and steps back, shaking her head adamantly. "It's not that simple Jane, besides, since when are you Gabby's number one supporter?"

"I'm not. I'm your number one supporter Maura. I have always seen how real your connection with her is. I know she is the person besides me that you worry the most about. I know that you accept behaviour from her you wouldn't even accept from me."

"Jane!"

Jane puts her hand up to stop Maura in her tracks. She isn't interested in her opinion at this very second. She needs to get this out before that part of her brain that is built to be antagonistic towards Gabby gets in the way. "And that's because she sees you for you, and she takes you as you are and all the things I love about you, she loves too. She makes you happy, Maura. That's all I give a damn about when it comes to who you choose to stand beside you."

"I wanted it to be you," Maura acknowledges regretfully.

Jane thinks about it for a second and offers a sad smile. She has little choice but to agree, given this evening has been about unwavering honesty between them.

"Yeah. Me too."

Silence settles between them as they simply stand there looking at one another soaking in the gravity of both confessions. Jane starts to feel nervous, like maybe she's just undone all the work they've put in tonight on repairing the tenuous threads of their friendship with their open, honest channels of communication. She opens her mouth to speak, but is interrupted.

"You punched my wall." Maura sounds incredulous, but there's a smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

Jane holds up her hand and with feigned indignance says, "I'm pretty sure your wall broke my hand!"

"It would serve you right," Maura huffs before relenting, "But really Jane, if your hand was broken, you would know it. I most certainly wouldn't have allowed this conversation to continue until you were checked out by a professional."

Jane grins. She can't help it. She can feel it for the first time since long before Maura ripped her heart out of her chest and set her free. They're going to be just fine.

She wanders across the way and inspects her handiwork. "Hey Maura," she yells over her shoulder with exaggerated surprise, "Someone put a fist shaped dent in your wall."

Maura appears beside her, peers at the wall and with a very straight face says, "I was thinking about redecorating anyway."

---

"Who was that on the phone honey?"

Kelly sits back down at the dinner table. She hears her mother's question but her mind is somewhere else altogether. She really hadn't been expecting such a call and now she can't shake the words, 'mandatory psychiatric hold'. Her wife is in the midst of a breakdown and she is back in Boston at her parent's dining table pushing green beans around her plate with a fork.

"Your mother asked you a question."

Kelly's eyes snap toward her father who sits at the head of the table and his face looks so serious, because she's forgotten her manners. She apologises to him and turns to her mother to answer, "St Luke's in Launceston. Missy's in a bad way."

"What exactly do they expect you to do about it, huh? She is your soon to be ex-wife, Kelly. Don't worry yourself with business that isn't yours to deal with."

His tone isn't friendly and she gets it, she really does. She's the apple of his eye and Melissa crossed her in so many ways. Coming clean to her parents about her failed marriage had not gone as planned at all. She just wanted some people who loved her to validate her feelings, she didn't want to be railroaded into filing for divorce and asking for an exorbitant amount of money.

She wasn't ready for that. She still isn't. Her heart yearns for her wife. She goes to sleep with her on her mind and she wakes up thinking about her too. She's hit more balls than she can remember trying to release her anger in a healthy way, but she still lets him influence her in ways she is not proud of.

Kelly keeps pushing the vegetables around on her plate, refusing to acknowledge his words. She's a grown ass woman and life isn't fair, but that doesn't mean she can't make the most of it. She's never felt like this in her life. The highs or the lows. That's what tells her this love she has for Melissa is real. She can't just give up without even throwing a punch.

"I'm going back to Launceston," she says quietly, her eyes levelling steadily on her father.

"The Hell you are!" He growls, "She doesn't deserve another lick of your time."

"Enough!" Kelly roars, slamming both hands down on the table, rattling the cutlery on the plate in front of her. "That's my wife you're talking about. Until those papers are signed I have a duty to be there for her. Or do you not remember your vows, Ethan?"

She only uses his first name when she's really angry with him, so practically never, but she's had enough. She's tired of him pushing his agenda on her. She's grown. She has to make her own decisions and perhaps as he is intimating, make her own mistakes too.

Ethan glares at his daughter, places his cutlery down on his plate and points at her. In a very low, dark tone he warns, "It's your funeral."

Kelly can't do this. She can't sit here at the dinner table with this man right now. She isn't really hungry anymore anyway. She pushes her chair back and rises from the table. She moves around and kisses her mother on the top of the head, then grabs her plate to carry to the kitchen. She empties her plate into the trash and rinses it off before packing it and the cutlery away in the dishwasher.

On her way back through the dining room she looks at her father once more, "Not everyone gets a perfect love like you and mom have, dad. It doesn't matter how she feels, I love her. I will do everything in my power to take care of her until I can't. You don't have to like it, but you better respect it."

---

"Hey, so I'm in town for a while. Long story, perhaps over dinner? Call me."

Kelly ends the call and pockets her phone as she looks up at St Luke's with trepidation. She couldn't bring herself to step into the room with Melissa yesterday afternoon and by now her wife is feeling the ramifications of one of the more difficult decisions she's had to make in recent times. Barring Jane from seeing her wife wasn't a decision she made lightly, or one done in spite. It was a decision she came to out of concern and odds are her wife isn't going to see it that way, but while she has some say over the situation she is going to place her wife's mental health at the forefront of all decisions.

Her hand wraps nervously around the Ipod Mini in her pocket as she makes her way through the halls, up the stairs and onto the ward. She advises the nurses station of her arrival before walking across the hall to Melissa's room. She knocks on the door and opens it. She steps inside and closes the door behind herself. Turning to face her wife she says, "Good morning, Missy."

Melissa stands by the window with her arms wrapped protectively around her own middle. She's dressed in grey sweatpants and a navy coloured t-shirt and is wearing a pair of blue fuzzy slippers. She doesn't bother turning around. "What's good about it?"

There's no anger or bitterness in Melissa's tone, which only serves to worry Kelly. In fact there's pretty much no tone at all, simply a flat monotone question that may or may not have been rhetorical. Kelly suspects her wife isn't really looking for an answer.

"I'm hoping we can talk."

"Why?" Melissa turns all puffy eyed, alerting Kelly to the fact her wife has been crying. "You didn't talk to me before you barred Jane from visiting. So why should I talk to you?"

The words represent the fight Kelly has been expecting, but there's no bite. There's very little life in her wife's eyes. Kelly sighs and steps further into the room motioning towards one of the chairs. "May I?"

Melissa sighs and nods, looking resigned to the conversation. It isn't exactly the reaction Kelly is hoping for, but at least she hasn't been completely dismissed, which in all honesty, is precisely what she expected to happen.

"I know that she's important to you."

"You have no idea." Melissa states forcefully, her voice coming to life with clear indignation. "Because if you did you wouldn't be doing this."

Kelly immediately feels a headache coming on just thinking back on the morning her entire life shifted from utter bliss to a fucking nightmare. Contrary to what her wife appears to be insinuating, she remembers very well the look of adoration sent Jane's way. "Oh trust me, I'm more than aware."

Melissa stalks closer and glares at her expectantly, "Then why?"

"Because before I left you were making amazing progress with your mental health. You were doing so well, Missy." Kelly explains, her eyes as soft as her voice. She meets Melissa's angry gaze head on. "I don't think she's good for you."

Melissa takes another step closer and growls, "And who the Hell do you think you are to decide that?"

Kelly stands, steps toe to toe with Melissa and quite firmly states, "Your wife. For better or worse, Missy. For better, or worse."

Melissa doesn't say anything straight away, she just stares her down, causing a lump to form in Kelly's throat. She's never seen Melissa's eyes like this. This level of anger is something else. The easy thing would be to relent and allow Jane access, but that would only be a disservice to the woman she loves. If she has to be the villain in Melissa's eyes, so be it.

"Get the damn papers, I'll sign 'em." Melissa spits out venomously, "Two million is a small price to pay for my freedom."

Is this what's become of them? Is this all she's become to Melissa? A problem so annoying she'd gladly give away a significant chunk of money to be done with? Kelly shakes her head. It was a mistake listening to her father. Making a demand like that was never going to end well. With a heavy sigh she steps back and says, "I don't want your money."

"Then why are you doing this?"

Melissa sounds so sad, so defeated and repeating a question she's already answered isn't going to change Kelly's answer. Does she like being the cause of Melissa's current pain? Not one iota. "Honey, I'm not trying to punish you or manipulate you into anything. I just want you to have the space you need to start healing. I want you to be able to get out of here."

Melissa pushes the roll away table away from the end of the bed and sits down on the side of it. Her shoulders slump and her eyes settle on the floor. "I need to be here," she says quietly.

Kelly repositions the chair so that it's facing Melissa and sits down, she leans forward pressing her elbows against her knees and tries to make eye contact, but Melissa's eyes refuse to budge. "For the time being, yeah, honey you do."

Melissa lifts her eyes and appears to assess Kelly's demeanour before quietly saying, "I don't feel safe without her."

Talk about a kick to the teeth. What is she, chopped liver? Kelly knows she's more than capable of protecting Melissa both physically and emotionally. Hell, she's the one that saved Melissa from a literal madman in the first place. However, when she lets the first wave of hurt wash over her Kelly realises that Melissa isn't trying to hurt her, she's trying to communicate. She's trying to explain her needs and it's her job to listen. "Why not?"

Melissa shakes her head, she clearly doesn't want to talk about it.

Kelly doesn't want to push it. She understands enough to know that now is not the time to push Melissa on anything. Her wife is very vulnerable and she doesn't want Jane here taking advantage of that, so she shouldn't either. She doesn't. Instead she shifts focus to just catching up instead. "Are things good between Gabby and Lexi?"

Melissa's face loses all colour, she's as white as a ghost and immediately Kelly is on her feet crossing the space between them. It makes sense now. Something must have happened to Gabby, she was spiralling badly when she left. Oh God, no wonder Melissa's a mess. She grips Melissa's shoulders gently and searches her eyes, trying to convey as much sympathy as possibly. "Honey, what happened?"

Melissa slips off the bed and walks right into Kelly's arms. She wraps herself tightly around her wife and sobs against her shoulder. Kelly instantly wraps her up tight and rocks them side to side, trying to soothe her wife. "Sssh it's okay. I'm here."

"I-it's m-my f-fault." Melissa stammers out.

Kelly draws back in the hold just enough to make eye contact. The tears make her wife's eyes look like a stormy ocean, they're so beautiful. She wants nothing more than to be able to kiss the woman in her arms, but she doesn't. Instead she simply allows herself a moment to tuck a loose strand of hair back behind Melissa's ear. "What do you mean it's your fault?"

Melissa shakes her head and burrows against Kelly's chest, repeatedly muttering, "I'm so sorry."

Kelly gives in to Melissa's need to be held. Certain that the truth will come out when her wife has a chance to calm down. She gently rubs her hand up and down Melissa's back and says, "It's okay. You're okay. You haven't done anything wrong."

"H-he killed her."

There's something about the moment that sends a chill down Kelly's spine. She doesn't know what it is, perhaps the good old preternatural sixth sense people talk about. Whatever it is, it causes her entire body to go rigid and her hand to still. "He killed who?" She asks, the chill along her spine turning into a very nasty case of dread.

"Alex."

Kelly never understood what people meant when they'd talk about pivotal moments in their life and mention how time slowed down around them. Not even on the pitcher's mound did she feel like time slowed down. Everything was in regular motion, perhaps even felt like it was sped up. Never slowed down. Until now. She pulls back from Melissa, who confirms the silent question she's asking with her eyes. Yes this is real. Yes she heard correctly.

"Oh."

Kelly's hands fall away and she backs up until she feels the chair hitting her legs and she sits. She feels like she's been slammed by a commuter train. Part of her wonders why she is being hit this hard by the death of a woman she knew intimately for a week many years ago. She forgets that Alexis was a brief ally in her greatest time of need. Her eyes seek out Melissa once more and she asks, "When?

Melissa drops to her knees in front of her and reaches out for her hand, but Kelly snatches it away. She doesn't know why she does, she just has this feeling crawling along her spine telling her that she isn't going to like the answer and it makes her angry, it makes her so fucking angry and she doesn't even know why.

Melissa's head drops and she speaks barely loud enough for Kelly to hear, "The night you left."

This is the moment the last little tether of want and will to do right by Melissa in Kelly starts fading to black. It's been more than two weeks. Nobody thought to call her in that time? Melissa, who knows that Alexis meant something to her, didn't think to call her? Kelly realises that whatever she thought was between them, isn't anything good. She stands and shrugs Melissa away from her. She doesn't want or need her comfort.

Kelly reaches into her pocket and grabs the Ipod Mini she brought with her so that Melissa could listen to her music and go to her happy place. She's so angry, she doesn't know how she's going to forgive this. The part of her that loves her wife in spite of every little thing she's done to her knows it's about to get real lonely for Melissa, so she tosses her the Ipod in a final act of pity.

"Find what comfort you can in that, Missy." Her voice is icy cold as she concludes on her way out the door, "Because Jane won't be seeing you anytime soon."

---

Twigs snap under foot as Jane walks side by side with Alec at the Graham property in Hillwood. She came out here a few days earlier with Jacob, but they didn't stay long and she wants to spend more time checking the area out. It is also serving a secondary purpose. Privacy.

The thirty minute trip from the city was made in silence, which Jane figures is a personal record for herself. She used the time to fortify herself for the conversation to come. She has to stop carrying everything around with her and the only way to do that is by addressing the things that can be addressed. Alec's betrayal being one of those things. Maura told her over a late dinner, long after their own watershed moment, that she should rip the band aid off and confront the problem at hand. She still can't wrap her head around this new Maura using idioms so well, but she'll get used to it.

"What are we doin out here, Rizzoli?" Alec asks, completely in the dark because Jane didn't see fit to tell him a damn thing.

"Looking for something, anything." Jane explains, choosing not to make any eye contact as they walk the boundary fence. "Brian says this is the only remote place Justin liked to visit."

"We're not going to find anything, Rizzoli. We both know he didn't suffer an accident or off himself, he went into hiding. He's been planning his revenge for a very long time."

Alec sounds annoyed, but Jane doesn't care. His feelings mean nothing to her, not after his bold faced lies. Lies that she wishes to confront. "I know it was Rachael that killed Liam, Alec."

He doesn't say anything, he simply stops with his hands on his hips and does a three sixty on the spot, looking at the property around them. They're in the middle of practically nowhere.

The Graham property is at the edge of the rural township of Hillwood, with several acres of farmland and forestry in every direction around them. The township has a post office that doubles as a corner store, a jetty for fishing and a football club, the sharks. There are a couple of streets, and two roads in and out of the area. The football club grounds are at one end of the road to Beauty Point and this property is at the opposite edge of town.

Jane resists the temptation to grind her molars together, her anger simmers under the surface. "Gabby was so incredibly shocked when I asked her if she was responsible that I knew it couldn't have been her."

Alec doesn't say anything, he simply casually puts his hands in his pockets and watches her closely. Jane wonders what he's thinking, but figures she'll know soon enough. "That got me to thinking, why would he protect a dead woman so earnestly when the truth coming out could protect people he cares about from harm? It didn't make any sense to me Alec."

"So this is why you've been avoiding me all week huh?" He questions.

Jane shakes her head, her face hardening just thinking back on the night Maura rocked her entire fucking world with the truth. Truth this asshole had lied to her face about. "No, that would be the conversation I had with Maura."

It's fleeting, but Jane sees a glimmer of recognition in his eyes and now his entire body radiates an apprehensive energy. She imagines she would feel pretty apprehensive if roles were reversed. She isn't in the mood to do a whole dog and pony show about it all, instead she has one thing and one thing only on her mind. "You can tell Rachael I know exactly what she did and precisely who she is. If she ever fucking shows her face in this town for any reason other than to take responsibility for her actions and put an end to this fucking nightmare we're living… I will end her."

For the first time ever, he doesn't act like he can get one over her, but his eyes look dangerous and he sounds angry. "Don't you think that's a bit of an over reaction, Jane? It was self defence. She's got a family to worry about. She can't just come out into the open like that. She is the one with a real target on her back."

"Cry me a fucking river Alec," Jane doesn't give a single damn about Rachael and whatever family she has to worry about. Not after what she's put Melissa through. "Tell that to Gabby. I'm sure she'd love to hear how little regard Alexis is held by you and Rachael. If it was me? If something I did in my past caused all of this Hell to rain down on people I cared about I'd step up. I'd own it. She's just a fucking coward."

He takes a step forward and Jane tenses ready to defend herself, but he stops apparently recognising he was about to take his anger too far. It's clear his heart is still with Rachael and that means Jane can't trust this man. It's a damn shame because aside from the Rachael drama he is a real good guy and a great cop. "I can't work with you anymore, Alec. I can't trust you."

"C'mon Jane, don't you think you're being a little dramatic? You've figured it all out. There's nothing else to hide. We need to work this together."

"No. I will handle this alone. Your feelings are a problem." She turns and starts walking back along the boundary fence they were walking before they stopped to talk.

He chases after her and growls, "And yours aren't? You're never at work and when you are your head is in the damn clouds. You're so close to losing it all because of that woman."

Jane swings on him and jabs her index finger into his chest forcefully, "Don't you even dare. You have no idea what she's been through. You have no idea what she is going through. If you did, you wouldn't be so fucking wrapped up in a woman who is never going to love you back."

He takes a step back, recoiling from the veracity of her words. She doubts he has any clue what Rachael did as a teenager, but it's clear he is more than aware that her love isn't for him. Jane wonders if she's even capable of loving, but knows that's an assumption based on her own loathing. "Aren't you tired of being under her thumb Alec?"

"Aren't you tired of being under Missy's?" He spits back bitterly, his eyes honing dangerously on hers.

They could go at this for days.

Jane sighs heavily and a piece of her snaps. Without thinking she blurts out, "At least the woman I Iove isn't a sexually abusive, grooming piece of fucking shit."

His eyes widen in shock and he looks like he's about to refute the accusation.

Jane's face falls and she shakes her head, angry with herself for spilling Melissa's truth, but it's out there now and maybe something good can come from it. She steadies herself and looks directly at him, "She was only thirteen."

"No, no." He utters, taking an involuntary step backwards as his eyes tell the tale of a man completely devastated by what he's heard. "No."

"Missy never stood a chance." Jane wants him to really feel it, to truly understand her pain as a protector, knowing this is something she can't take away. This isn't something she can fight. She has to ride this out and hope to God her girlfriend comes back to being even a shadow of her former self. "And now she knows that Rachael is out there."

Alec runs both his hands through his hair and shakes his head, turning to walk away. He looks absolutely shattered. Jane doesn't feel the satisfaction she thought she'd feel. She feels empty, hollow, broken. It's better he knows, but fuck she let her anger get the better of her. She used her girlfriend's trauma as a weapon and she's fucking ashamed of it.

Jane looks around and finds a tree stump nearby, she walks over and sits down on it. She looks off in the direction of the house and mentally chides herself for her actions.

"How's she doin'?" Alec asks, a soft look on his face.

Jane shakes her head, fighting the urge to cry. "It's not good."

"I didn't know." He sounds genuine, but he also looks apprehensive, like there's something he wants to tell her, but is debating whether or not he should.

"What is it?" She asks.

Alec takes a deep breath and lets it out before warning, "I dunno Jane, she's not the person I went to the academy with. She's different. Jaded perhaps? All I know is she still has her eyes set on Missy. If I'm totally honest, even I was worried when I listened to her speak. It's a challenge to her Jane, to take Missy from you. You need to be prepared."

Gabby had warned her of as much. Not that it was a challenge, which in some ways makes it even more disturbing, but that Rachael would be coming for Melissa. Jane isn't sure there's a single thing she can do to prepare for the war looming on the horizon if Melissa isn't strong enough to fight it with her. "Not sure there's a handbook on how to prepare for what's coming, Alec."

He sighs. "No, I don't think there is."

"Whose side are you going to be on when it arrives at my doorstep?"

"I wanna say yours Jane, but I don't know."

At least he's finally being honest with her. The heart wants what the heart wants and it only takes knowing Melissa to know that Rachael has epic powers of emotional manipulation. Jane feels bad for him but it doesn't stop her from delivering her final warning, "I will do whatever it takes to keep her safe."

His smile is grim, "I wouldn't expect anything less."

Neither of them move, they simply stare and yet the tension melts away because the truth is out. They know where they each stand and in many ways, that's all she needed. She's leaned into Melissa's obsession with honesty it seems and there's something to it, even when it hurts. It works.

Her phone rings, shattering the silence. She grabs the phone from her pocket and answers, "Rizzoli."

"Jane? It's Nancy… Arnold."

"What's happening? Is Missy alright?" Jane asks, her anxiety levels increasing exponentially. Why is Nancy calling her?

"Missy asked me to pass a message along. Kelly didn't react well to hearing about Alexis."

Jane's eyes close and she hangs her head. Nobody told her. "Thanks Nancy. Tell her to hang in there okay? I'm gonna fix this."

"I will. Jane?"

"Yeah?"

"Fix it fast."

"Thanks Nancy." Jane ends the call and lifts her eyes toward Alec, "We need to go."

"Missy?"

Jane nods. Details aren't necessary. He doesn't need to know Kelly's back in town. He doesn't need to know she's throwing her weight around. All he needs to know is she's handling it right now.

"Can it wait? Your career is hangin' by a thread." He sounds concerned and Jane appreciates it, but it doesn't change anything.

There's nothing good that will come from allowing Kelly time to stew on the fact she was completely forgotten about after Alexis' death. It was not intentional, not given the amount of stress and fear they've been dealing with, but it is an unfortunate event to add on top of the callous way with which they sent Kelly packing in the first place. If she had known what was coming down the turnpike, well she would have handled things very differently. She most certainly wouldn't have been so arrogant in her attempts to get Kelly gone. The method, she is realising, didn't justify the resulting madness and now she fears she may have created a very spiteful woman at the worst possible time.

She doesn't respond to him, instead just picks up her pace as they trek back to the car parked on the gravel driveway out the front of the house. She doesn't care about her career, it's pretty much been hanging by a thread since the moment she received her promotion. Commander Hillenbrandt cannot stand her guts, most likely for encouraging Jacob to be a better cop, it's all just a matter of time anyway. One way or another he'll find a way to get rid of her. So worrying about the job when Melissa is in dire need for her to step up and fix the mess that she pretty much created is pointless.

"Jane…"

She looks at him over the roof of the car, a steely determination splashed across her face. "It's Missy, Alec. Nothing else matters."

---

After getting the call from Nancy, Jane had a hunch regarding where she might find Kelly. The Hertz car rental sticker on the back window of a red four door sedan in the parking lot fuels Jane's belief as she navigates away from the car park through the cemetery to the place where Alexis is buried. The athletic figure with brown hair tied up in a high ponytail standing in front of said gravesite is all the confirmation Jane needs regarding her hunch.

Jane hangs back and gives Kelly time to pay her respects. It still astounds her, the connection between Kelly and Alexis. Just as it did when Melissa originally told her about how Kelly always talked so highly of this woman she had a one week fling with the last time she was in Tasmania and that it turned out the woman in question was actually Alexis. What kind of odds existed for that to happen?

Jane briefly imagines Maura's voice coming up with some astronomical number and then her own voice arguing that clearly the odds are 100% because it did indeed happen. Jane's pretty sure imaginary Maura and real Maura would argue that just because an event happened it doesn't change the original odds. Either way, Jane realises she is doing her own head in worrying about probability. Whatever the numbers would say about it, it happened.

Jane decides it's better if she waits by the car and so she heads back to the carpark. She does a quick lap of the area just to be sure she hasn't missed any other rentals, but there are none. This is undoubtedly Kelly's vehicle. She leans against the hood of the car with her arms crossed over her chest and waits. She mulls over the approach she's going to take, but quickly realises it doesn't matter. It's a crappy situation all around. She can only hope for a little understanding, because the status quo cannot stay as is. Nancy already sounds worried about it and Jane trusts that woman when it comes to Melissa's wellbeing.

The sound of footsteps on gravel draws Jane's attention to the path from the cemetery and when Kelly's eyes meet hers she is forced to swallow down a surge of guilt. Of course she feels guilty, not just about forgetting about Kelly when it came to Alexis, but because this was a good friend. This was someone who had her back once upon a time and now she is a scorned wife.

Kelly is the first to speak. "Really? Here? You had to track me down here of all places."

Jane unfolds her arms and jams her hands in her pockets, not wanting to come across as too aggressive. "You wouldn't take my calls."

"Why would I? There's not exactly much to say between us Jane." Kelly digs around in her pocket for the key fob, which she uses to unlock the car.

Jane steps away from the hood and slides around the side of the vehicle, blocking Kelly's immediate path of retreat. "I get that you have reasons to feel that way, but we really need to talk."

Kelly lets out an exasperated sigh and says, "I'm not rescinding the visitor restrictions."

That's Jane's primary goal, but she knows she cannot come at this conversation like it is. It won't get her anywhere. Kelly is a scorned woman who has fresh grief to deal with; she needs to tread lightly. "I'm not here about that."

Kelly's hands plant firmly on her own hips as she stares Jane down. "Bullshit. There are three guarantees in life. Death, taxes and your need to do whatever she asks of you, regardless of the consequences. It's pathetic Jane."

Jane's hands clench in her pockets, but she keeps her face passive. Kelly is trying to goad her into conflict, which won't end well, for either of them. "You're right to some extent," she chooses to be honest, "I do what she asks of me, but I do consider the consequences."

Kelly's head cocks to the side like a curious dog. "Do you really, Jane?"

Every time Kelly says her name Jane feels her very visceral anger. It's hard to miss it with the extra bite to her tone during those specific syllables. "I do."

"Were you thinking about the consequences when you were fucking my wife?"

The bitterness in Kelly's tone is next level and it's only magnified when Jane makes eye contact with an elderly couple walking nearby who both look at her with harsh judgement on their faces. It occurs to her at this moment that this isn't the place for this conversation. Looking back at Kelly she says, "Can we just go somewhere and talk?"

Kelly digs in. "Answer my question."

Jane doesn't want to answer the question. She doesn't want to be reminded of how little time it took her to go from pretending to be fucking Melissa, to actually doing it. She didn't consider the consequences. She was absolutely selfish and focused solely on how she could help Melissa cope with the gravity of what they had done. She's in the middle of a conversation she never thought she'd actually have to have. It was meant to be a huge apology about having pretended it happened to get Kelly out of the country and safe. It was meant to be something that would allow Kelly an opportunity to get her wife back, if she wanted it. It wasn't meant to be this at all and the shame causes Jane's head to drop.

Kelly reads her body language like a book. "Yeah, I'd be fucking ashamed if I were you too."

Jane shakes her head. They have to talk. She looks up again and she remembers that night in the motel. The fear in Melissa's eyes. She didn't want anything to happen to Kelly and what's changed? Kelly can't be here. It's an open invitation to more murder and mayhem. There's no more manipulation to be had. Only the truth. "You're right. I am ashamed, but not for the reasons you think. I'm telling you, it is in your best interest that we talk."

Kelly looks like she's considering Jane's words. She finally relents and says, "Alright. Hop in."

Jane doesn't even hesitate, she's around to the passenger side before Kelly can even get into the vehicle herself. Jane straps in.

As Kelly pulls out of the car park she says, "I want the truth. About all of it."

Jane swallows uncomfortably. This is not going to be a pleasant conversation at all. It's going to be Hell. She looks out the passenger window for a few moments, allowing her mind time to conjure up an image of Missy clinging tightly to her as she rocks her back and forth. There are so many more difficult things she'll have to do for her girlfriend, this, she realises, is nothing. This just requires full honesty. She can do that. She had practice last night. Now that was hard. Until it wasn't.

"Well?" Kelly prods.

"I owe you many apologies Kel." Jane starts, turning her head to watch her former friend as she navigates traffic. "Let me start by saying how sorry I am that we didn't think to tell you about Alexis. It wasn't intentional. There's been so much happening since you left that it slipped our minds."

"It wasn't your call to make." Kelly says quietly, sounding a little hurt.

Of course. Melissa should have made that call. Jane can't blame Kelly for being hurt that she didn't, because regardless of Melissa's feelings for her, her love for Kelly is still a real thing. Definitely not at the level anyone thought it was a few weeks ago, but still a real thing.

"Let me just explain from the beginning, perhaps by the time I'm done you'll understand."

"Alright."

"The first apology I owe you is from that morning." Jane says, hoping Kelly understands the morning she's referring to.

Kelly doesn't say anything. The look on her face is broody and hurt and Jane sighs heavily, choosing to just keep on going under the assumption that that morning is seared into Kelly's memory. "She stayed with me Sunday night, but we didn't… you know…"

"Fuck?" Kelly questions sceptically.

"Yeah. I was roofied, Kel. Thankfully Missy was with me, because that sick bastard from Chicago rocked up." Jane has to grip the dashboard as Kelly slams on the brakes and turns into the carpark of the local shopping centre.

Kelly pulls into a parking spot, kills the engine and turns to look at Jane. "So you were right about him showing up?"

Jane nods. "Missy tried to fight him off, but she couldn't."

"Wait did he…"

"No." Jane answers before Kelly can finish her question. It was her first fear that night when she came too as well, so she understands Kelly's concern. "She made a deal with him, Kel. To save my life and hers."

"What kind of deal?"

"The kind where we had to make you go home and I had to stay away from Maura. We didn't think you'd leave if we told you the truth."

Kelly's face scrunches up in disbelief. "I don't know if I can believe this Jane. It's convenient. But let's just pretend I do believe you. You're right, I wouldn't have left."

"Then you'd be dead. I'd be dead. Gabby too." Jane's eyes are so serious that she sees when Kelly's incredulity crosses over into belief. It's quite sobering. "At this point I don't know if he's achieved what he hoped or if your being back is putting everyone at risk again."

Kelly completely ignores that and returns to an earlier point in the conversation, a dash of hope in her eyes. "Wait, so, Monday morning…"

"It was just a ruse." Jane admits. She shakes her head sadly, "Hence I owe you an apology for the way I acted. That is not the way I would have gone about it if it were true. We were just trying to keep you angry so you didn't feel hurt."

Kelly slaps Jane across the face, hard. Jane grimaces and rubs her cheek. She definitely had that coming, although it leaves her wondering what Kelly will do when she explains the reason for her final apology.

"You were so fucking disrespectful." Kelly growls, "So fucking callous."

Jane nods. She doesn't know what else to do. She knew it then and she knows it now. She was an absolute asshole.

Kelly appears to be deep in thought. Clearly she's thinking about some things, so Jane doesn't interrupt her. She just waits.

"So that's why Missy blames herself." Kelly practically mumbles before looking to Jane for confirmation of her theory, "He killed Lexi?"

Jane nods.

Kelly takes a deep breath and sits back in the seat. She stares out the window lost in her own thoughts.

"I'm really sorry," Jane says. "I understand that you two had a brief, but strong connection."

"Yeah." Kelly's clearly on automatic pilot.

At this point it feels cruel, but Jane ploughs forward. Kelly needs to understand the new reality. "Kel." Jane's tone is soft, but anxious.

Kelly's head turns and there are tears in her eyes. "It's always been you, hasn't it?"

Having a front row seat to her former friend's heart breaking all over again was not on Jane's bingo card for today. It hurts. She didn't expect to feel this much empathy given what Kelly is putting her through, but Maura's words from last night ring in her ears. She remembers that there's another side to this situation and that pain is on clear display as Kelly thumps the steering wheel repeatedly before leaning forward and bringing her head to rest against it. She's not in a good way and Jane feels responsible.

"I love her, Kel. I'm in love with her. I didn't… we didn't see this coming. You deserved so much more from us. I'm so, so sorry."

Kelly sits back and nods. "What about Maura?"

"What about her?"

Kelly shifts in her seat and stares directly at Jane, "Stop being obtuse Jane. You know what worries me."

"We've made our peace. I am wholly committed to Missy."

"Yeah right," Kelly scoffs. "I'll believe that when I see it."

"I don't blame you for being sceptical, but this… this has been a long time coming."

"So why is Missy locked up on a mandatory psychiatric stay then Jane? Why is she a fucking mess right now huh?" Kelly asks, a fresh surge of anger bubbling over.

Jane sighs. So much she wants to say but can't. Maura said she should tell Kelly the whole truth, but it isn't hers to tell. She settles on what she can say, even though deep down she knows it will not help her cause. "Gabby nearly died recently. Between that and all the upheaval of the last few months, well, you've seen it for yourself."

"I have." Kelly agrees. "I haven't changed my mind, Jane. She needs space. If your relationship is strong, it will survive this distance while she gets well."

"I'm not worried about our relationship, Kel. I'm worried about her. She needs me." Jane implores, close to begging.

"Well, too bad. You're not her wife. You're just her side piece." Kelly answers, a cold look in her eyes. "I think we're done here."

Jane could have sworn she was getting through to her, but it's apparent that she was wrong. She gets out of the car, slams the door and pounds her palm against the roof before turning and beginning the long walk back up the road to the cemetery to retrieve her own vehicle. Her hands curl into fists as she thinks about the derogatory way Kelly referred to her as a side piece. So fucking rich coming from a woman lording a fake marriage as if it was something more. As if it was something real.

Jane stretches her legs out onto the footstool and uses the remote control to flick the television on. It has been a long day and she is finally home, Charlie is walked and fed and there's pizza on the way. All she wants is a relaxing evening partaking in some of her guilty pleasures while she pretends that her world isn't burning down around her. Just one simple evening. That's all.

Charlie jumps up onto the couch beside her and creeps over until he can bring his front paws and head to rest on her lap. Jane sighs contentedly and rubs behind his ears absently as she cycles through the channels. She settles on some action flick starring Charlize Theron and rolls her neck side to side to remove a kink.

Her mobile phone shatters her focus and Jane curses out loud as she reaches into her pocket and pulls out the offending device. She quickly glances at the screen and sighs in relief when it isn't work calling. She mutes the television and smiles when she answers, "'Sup Maura?"

"Good evening Jane. I just wanted to check in and see how your day went."

Maura sounds way too bright eyed and bushy tailed, but Jane doesn't mind. She stifles a yawn and says, "Figured out where I stand with Alec and think I made things worse with Kel. So pretty crappy all around really."

"What happened with Kelly?"

Jane doesn't want to think about this. This is the sort of thing that can ruin a good movie and pizza. However, things are only just returning to a pre Launceston level of normal in their friendship, so Jane decides to answer. "Tried being honest, she's not impressed. Called me a side piece. Can you believe the nerve of that woman?"

Maura hums a little, but doesn't say anything. Jane immediately knows she's biting her tongue. "Oh spit it out, you know you want to."

"Technically mistress would be a more accurate term."

Jane rolls her eyes. "Not helping Maura."

"Did you tell her everything?"

Jane shakes her head, forgetting that Maura can't see her before rolling her eyes at herself. It is clearly one of those nights. "Not everything."

"Why not?"

"It's not my story to tell and I already accidentally spilled the truth to Alec in my anger today. I wasn't going to repeat the same mistake."

"Huh. So, she hasn't lifted the visitation restrictions?"

"Nope." Jane sighs heavily. She really doesn't want to think about this. It's only been two days and she misses Melissa terribly. The couple of hours with her girlfriend at the end of her work day worked wonders at grounding her emotions. Without that contact, without being able to see with her own two eyes that Melissa is making progress, albeit slowly, she feels adrift. She feels lost and she can't spend every night hanging out with Maura. It's unrealistic.

"How did Alec react to that information?"

Maura's abilities to shift mental gears is something that Jane likes. It keeps things moving, conversation rarely gets stale. It also means she doesn't dwell too long. "Devastation would probably be the best word to describe his reaction."

"Understandable," Maura says. "In my brief conversations with the man, he appeared to have a solid set of morals."

"Aside from the covering up of a death, you mean?" Jane questions sarcastically, unable to help herself. The fact is Maura isn't wrong. Alec is built on a solid foundation morally speaking, with a strong loyalty clause that most anyone could appreciate if they weren't on the wrong end of it. Rachael's teenage endeavours most certainly will have put his loyalty to the test. Jane still holds out hope that he will prove to be the stand up guy he has the potential to be, but she isn't going to bank on it.

"Jane…"

Jane doesn't want to talk about it anymore so she shifts gears, removing the spotlight from her day she points it squarely onto Maura. "You visit Gabby today?"

"Yes."

"How's she doing?"

"She's doing quite well, actually. She's a super healer. She will be released in the next few days."

Maura sounds genuinely enthusiastic and it brings a smile to Jane's face. "That's great Maur. So, did you talk to her about last night?"

There's a pause on the line. Jane suspects Maura is trying to think her way around a lie. Jane sighs quietly and averts her gaze from the television to Charlie whose ears perk up. The sound of a car door slamming gets her attention. She stands and starts walking down the hall, "I think my pizza's here."

"Any vegetables at all?" Maura queries politely.

Jane chuckles, deciding to tease Maura a little by making the pizza sound much worse than it is. "Nope. Double Pepperoni. Extra cheese. Family size."

"Jane!" Maura sounds absolutely horrified and it brings Jane so much glee.

The detective digs around in her pocket to get some cash and opens the door, the smile on her face falls when she finds herself staring at a very diminutive woman with shoulder length black hair and inquisitive eyes that quite frankly scare the bejeezus out of her. Jane swallows nervously and says, "Hey Maur, I gotta call you back."

The phone is back in her pocket before her best friend can get another word out. Jane's grip on the door tightens as she stands there staring. This is not going to be her night. "Monica," she greets firmly.

"Are we just going to stand here all night or are you going to invite me in?" Monica asks, her eyes raking across Jane from head to toe in pure assessment mode.

Jane huffs and steps aside. Right now she wishes it was a family sized double pepperoni extra cheese pizza, because she is not in the mood for the impending inquisition. She watches Monica disappear into the living room before closing the front door and following her back into the house.

Naturally, Charlie is licking Monica's hand enthusiastically, as if she tastes like beef jerky.

"We need to talk." Monica states firmly.

Jane silently thanks God this isn't a break up conversation. Monica strikes her as the kind of person that wouldn't use gentle platitudes. There'd be no 'it's not you, it's me'. It would be all, 'oh it is all you'. Nobody did blunt truths like this woman and no matter what she tried over the last few years she could never get this woman to really like her. Dinner once a month for two years, so that Maura could enjoy Brad's company and Monica had not once softened to her at all. It makes no sense. She is likeable damnit. This woman is just stubborn.

"Sometime before Christmas, preferably." Monica isn't impressed.

Jane shakes out of her reverie and motions towards a nearby armchair before returning to her spot on the couch. If she has to endure this, she's going to endure it in comfort. She tries to be polite. "How's Brad's pop doing?"

"He's hanging in there." Monica answers, a subtle softening of her eyes at the fact Jane thought to ask. "Thanks for asking."

Jane shrugs. She can't begin to imagine what Monica, Brad and his parents are going through. She doesn't want to. The fact Monica is back in town with all of that going on means she knows something. Melissa hasn't contacted her though, because her phone is on lockdown, which is what makes this being kept from her so much worse. There's no contact at all.

Jane decides to hedge her bets. "So you heard then?"

Monica nods. "Maura told me at Gabby's behest. How's Missy coping with the news?"

There's a huge part of Jane that wants to stand up and loom large over this woman and ask her how the fuck does she think? Because how could this woman have lived in a house with Rachael and Melissa and not know what was happening? Surely she couldn't have. Surely she must know. Surely she must understand that Rachael's return from the dead is fucking devastating. She doesn't do that though. Instead she tries to keep her face neutral when she answers, "Not well at all."

Monica appears to be thinking about Jane's answer. She looks worried, which is at least something Jane understands. "Have you seen her? Rachael, I mean."

Jane shakes her head. She doesn't say how if she does, she'll likely strangle the life out of her. It isn't appropriate conversation with the woman's sister, afterall. But Jane feels it in her blood. She would happily strangle Rachael with her bare hands if it means Melissa never has to face her again.

"You're unusually quiet," Monica observes.

Jane shrugs again. It's difficult to know what to say when all she wants to do is interrogate Monica on how the Hell the people in her household let Rachael take advantage of Melissa like she did. "Rough day," she says in the hopes of shutting down Monica's laser-like focus.

Monica smiles for the first time since she rocked up. "Tell me about it."

Jane quirks an eyebrow. "Customs?"

"Yep." Monica confirms, allowing her body to sink more comfortably into the armchair. She's finally relaxing. It makes a nice change.

"Have you been to see Missy yet?"

"Not yet. You were always going to be my first port of call after dropping my stuff at home."

Jane doesn't know what to say to that, so she doesn't say anything. Instead she averts her eyes onto Charlie who jumps back up onto the couch and retakes his position on her lap. She scratches behind his ears, waiting for Monica to continue her inquisition.

She doesn't have to wait long.

"So, you and Missy huh?"

"Yep."

"Don't you think it's a bit soon, given everything with Gabby and Kelly?"

Jane rubs the back of her neck and looks across the room at Monica. She reminds herself that this is Melissa's best friend. This is the next most important person in her girlfriend's life. Anything to stop her building anger from unleashing in ways that will not end well for her. Though as hard as she tries, Jane can't bury all of her frustration. "What the Hell is your problem with me Monica?"

Monica doesn't pull any punches. "You can't commit. You swept Missy off of her feet and then pushed her so far to the brink she walked away from you and her home. And we both know how that ended."

"Oh no you don't," Jane snaps, "I didn't push her away. I didn't leave her. She left me."

"You didn't exactly fight for her did you?" Monica states, more than asks. It's a knife to the heart for Jane who has regretted that decision since the events in Chicago.

"Really? This is what we're gonna talk about?" Jane asks, her voice rising in volume alongside her incredulity. "Because where the Hell have you been these last seven months huh? You haven't been here."

It's a low blow and Jane knows it, but she's incensed. It's not just Monica. It's Kelly and Gabby too. The amount of times she's been questioned about the veracity of her feelings for Melissa since their relationship rekindled is just too much. She's had enough of it. Especially coming from a woman whose sister has done more damage than anyone to her girlfriend's psyche.

"Don't act like you've been carrying this load, Jane." Monica warns, "I might have been with my husband, but I damn well know that you let her push you away again in the wake of Chicago. You've only been recently stepping up, so just quit with the bullshit."

"Precisely," Jane says. "I have stepped up. Things here are so fucking out of hand and I have stepped up. I am with her in every sense of the fucking word and I am so tired of my commitment to her being questioned."

"I know you're good in a crisis Jane, but what about when it calms down? Are you still gonna be around for her to hold?"

Jane jumps to her feet and points angrily at Monica, "Thanks to your fucking sister I have no Goddamned clue when the calm is coming."

Monica's eyes widen and then her brows furrow as she appears to be doing some thinking.

Jane's chest heaves up and down as she sucks in the oxygen. She's so incredibly fired up and she knows it is an over reaction, but it is so hard looking into the eyes of Rachael's sister, knowing what she knows.

"What are you talking about?" Monica asks quietly.

Jane shakes her head in disbelief. "I don't know how you don't already know."

"Jane," Monica speaks gently, her hands motioning to bring down the level of energy in the room. "I'm sorry for coming at you so hard, I just needed to be sure you are in this with her."

Jane lets out a long sigh. Her chin drops and her eyes close as she tries to calm her senses. She shakes her head and opens her eyes, she's still so riled up. She tries hard to relax her tone when she responds. "I love her, Monica. I don't think I've ever stopped."

Monica's smile carries a certain 'oh sweetie, everybody knows that' vibe to it. "No shit sherlock. I saw the way you shut down every time Missy's adventures were mentioned at the monthly dinners. I saw the discomfort in Maura's eyes. Even Maura knew about your feelings, Jane."

"So why question my intentions?" Jane asks, feeling flustered and frustrated that her emotional awareness has been so incredibly non existent.

"Because I need to be sure you're ready for the fight to come." Monica looks dead serious and Jane feels like her entire life is just a dumpster fire of deja vu.

"Let me guess, Rachael's coming for Missy?" Jane questions, tired of the same old story. Everyone knows her well enough to know she's coming for Melissa, but none of them knew her well enough to know she was taking advantage of a thirteen year old kid.

"Oh yeah," Monica sighs. "I love my sister Jane, but even I know she used the relationship they had growing up to her advantage. She played protector Missy's whole life, Jane. Missy didn't stand a chance when Rache decided she wanted her."

Jane makes a scoffing noise and averts her eyes when Monica shoots a questioning look her way. "Forget it," she mumbles hastily, reminding herself this is not her place. This is not her story.

"What am I missing?" Monica asks, her eyes narrowing as she studies Jane closely. "What aren't you telling me?"

Jane shakes her head. Nope. She is not making this mistake twice in one day. "You need to talk to Missy, this isn't my story to tell."

"Jane?"

"Rachael isn't who you think she is." Jane says grimly, "And that's all I'm saying about that."

---

A/N: Okay, don't panic. You all knew I had to bring Jane and Maura back to the beginning to be able to rebuild, trust the process (also trust this is a soap opera ha ha).

I still think there's a lot of love between those two, it's just not their time right now. They could force it of course, but it will only end badly. I don't think either of them wants that to happen. They have their own journey they each have to undertake on their way back to one another romantically.

As for where things currently stand, boy oh boy... does Kelly smell blood in the water?

Thanks for reading and please remember to be kind and considerate!