Summary: Another private talk between Jynn and Bradford. Her revealing things she knows she can't keep bottled up. Can't have another repeat if there's another Blacksite facility they have to hit in the future.
The ship was nice and quiet. Nothing but the hum of the engines, machinery, and a few conversations here and there could be heard. Calm before the storm. Not an unusual thing for XCOM.
Humming down the halls with two piping hot mugs in hand, Bradford was on his way to the Commander's quarters. A quick nap had put a spring in his step. Though there was a tiny hint of worry in his heart. "She covers herself up in a smile I've learned to fear…" He wondered what she had to tell him.
A few minutes later, he was outside her door. He knocked.
"Comma— Jynn." He always announced himself before entering.
For once, he wasn't walking into a dimly lit room. The lights were on. Jynn was sitting on the couch. He was surprised to see that. Her eyes were closed and he couldn't quite tell if she was napping or meditating.
"I'm here, Jynn." He announced himself once more, just in case she didn't hear him the first time. No answer. "Hmm." He headed over to her.
Once he was closer, the hint of worry grew in his heart. Though her eyes were closed, he could tell something was causing her distress. Her breathing was quick. Her knuckles were white, digging deep into the cushions. Her mouth was moving, but no words were coming out. Perhaps she had fallen asleep and had slipped off into a nightmare now?
"Jynn…"
He set down the mugs on the table nearby and sat next to her. He raised a hand to touch her shoulder but hesitated, unsure that he may startle her.
"Go the hell away…. I-I will not be your thrall again." Shaky and hissed words finally came from her.
Hearing that sent a through chill Bradford's body. It had to be a nightmare. He hesitated for a moment again before finally placing a hand on her shoulder and gently shook her. "Hey, Jynn."
Her eyes flew open, pupils like pinpricks. She took in a sharp breath before breaking out into a cough.
"Jeez," he moved back, a bit surprised by her reaction, "you alright?" He cautiously moved back. He patted her back.
She coughed a few more times before she could pull herself back together. She sunk into the couch, raising a hand to her head. Drummers were starting. "Hell…"
"Jynn."
That familiar voice caught her attention. She closed her eyes tightly. She didn't want to look at him. She could feel her face heat up. "How long have you been there?"
"Few minutes or less." He answered. "Are you alright? Was that a nightmare?"
"I'm… okay. And something like that." She sighed. She opened her eyes, taking a peek at him. She sighed again. That worried face of a close friend. "Just okay." She put on a smile. A false smile. She wondered if she should tell him what the actual problem was. She was worried about how he would take it.
Seeing that smile, he had a feeling she didn't exactly want to continue talking at the moment. He hated that smile. It was fake. He had seen it so many times before. He gently squeezed her arm, then retrieved the mugs, handing one over to her.
"Brought you some tea. That peach and ginger one."
"Picked up on my liking that, huh?" She smiled as she took the mug. It was nice and warm. Something to soothe her throat and headache.
"Hey, I pay attention now." He smiled back. He could tell her smile was more genuine.
A brief laughter and then some silence. Each enjoyed their mugs of hot tea and coffee respectively as they gathered their thoughts. Bradford waited patiently for her to initiate the conversation. He had grown used to that.
On the other hand, Jynn's mind was racing. She was wondering just how much he had witnessed. They had called her again. And those screams had returned. Though she was fighting both, they had a strong grip on her. She wondered if she wouldn't have been able to fight it off if he hadn't shown up. She let out a sigh. I've got to tell him… but how?
"John," she sighed as she lowered her mug.
"Yes?" He snapped to attention.
She sighed again. "Truthfully… I'm not okay."
"What do you mean by that?" Her sighing worried him.
"What just… happened a few minutes ago." She shook her head. "It's actually a recurring problem."
"Recurring problem?" He questioned.
"You and the crew have noticed I've been zoning out at times, right?"
"Yeah, I've noticed a few times," he shrugged, "but usually you've been up for a while and I just figure you're tired."
"Well, I'm not exactly tired when I'm zoning out." She nervously chuckled. "It's something else."
"Explain."
"Well, you see," she dragged her fingers against her scalp, "it's hard to explain… and sounds crazy."
"Try me, Jynn."
She sighed and nervously chuckled. "I'm hearing voices. The Elders' voices. I think They've made a connection with me."
Bradford was in the middle of taking a swig of coffee when she said that. He sputtered, barely turning away from her so he didn't cover her in coffee. "WHAT!?"
She nervously chuckled again. She had a feeling he would react like that. She knew holding back some details would be best. "They've been bothering me for a while."
"You can't be serious!" He shook his head. He didn't believe her. No. He didn't want to believe her. "The Avenger has psi-shielding so there is no way those things could connect to you."
"John," she closed her eyes and sighed, "I've been hearing them for a while. Psi-shielding be damned. They're strong enough to get through that, but thankfully not strong enough to pinpoint where we are."
"No, no, no." He shook his head. "That's impossible. It has to be."
"John."
Getting no response from him made her sigh. She knew he would most likely respond with denial. She would have too, if their roles were switched. She wondered if there was a way to get him to believe her. She mumbled and grumbled until a lightbulb went off. She had an idea. A risky one. She moved her mug over to the table and scooted closer to him.
"John." She tried to grab his attention, but he was too busy grumbling to himself. She let out an annoyed sigh. "John." She raised her voice slightly and grabbed his hands.
He looked at her but didn't answer.
"I need you to believe me… and to calm down." She squeezed his hands. "I think… I think I can show you what I've been hearing."
"I don't want to believe." He shook his head. What she said next puzzled him. "Show me?"
"Yes, just calm down and hold still." She squeezed his hands again. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes. Drawing herself towards him, she gently placed her head against his. She could feel him stiffen. She would have snickered if she wasn't trying to do something important.
"Jynn, what are you trying to–?"
"Hush." She silenced him. "Just hush… and relax."
For once, he listened. Carefully watching her, he stayed silent and tried his best to relax. He was still stiff as a board, his heart solidly thumping against his chest, just waiting for something to happen. Relaxing was not on his mind.
A few minutes passed, and so far nothing had happened. Jynn looked calm as ever, as she tried to do whatever it was. John, on the other hand, was nervous. He calmed himself down only a bit but was expecting the worst. A few more minutes and so far, nothing. He was starting to doubt she could show him what she had been hearing. As he was about to speak he, he felt something jolt through him.
A tingling sense of electricity skipped up his spine and danced across his pain. He grimaced as it felt like an all too familiar sensation to him. Then he noticed something. A familiar glow. But it was blue.
He thought he recognized the telltale signs of psionics. He knew what it felt like all too well. The electricity in the air. First, it was a strike of lightning across the spine and brain, followed by a cold, gnawing, clawing feeling. That ethereal purple glow seizing one's mind, one's will. But this glow… was blue. And it felt different. It was much softer and there was no bite.
"Jynn?"
He let out a sharp gasp as another jolt surged through him. With wide eyes, he watched that familiar energy emanate from Jynn. From the corner of his eye, he cautiously watched the wisps of energy reach out to him. He never liked psionics. A tendril touched his arm. Another jolt surged through him. Instinctively, he tried to pull away, but a firm tug kept him in his place.
"Don't… move."
He froze. Even more so when he heard the strain in her voice. He noticed the grimace on her face and her scrunched eyes.
"Please… stay… calm."
Dropping his shoulders, he sighed. He touched heads with her once more. He took in a deep breath and closed his eyes. He just had to trust her.
He could feel her psionic energy wrap around him slowly. The embrace was icy at first before it became warmer. He was still expecting a bite, but it felt more like the welcoming embrace of a hug. He let out a breath, surprised by the touch of her psionics. It was calming. Quite different from all other psionic instances he had experienced. Especially the alien ones.
Return to Us.
Just as his mind wandered, a series of echoed whispers caught his ear. He felt his blood run cold. Something about it didn't seem right.
Return to us. The voices said again.
Bradford pulled back from Jynn, his eyes opening quickly. He looked around. Nothing. Just her in front of him. She looked oddly calmer. "The hell?" He muttered.
Return to Us, Commander
Reeves.
He froze. The voice sounded too close. Far too close. Something told him not to turn his head, not to look. But he did anyway. He wished he hadn't. "What the…" Just behind him was the visage of an Elder. Just a few feet away from the two. He hadn't seen one of those things in years. Minus that day, when they discovered Jynn had psionics.
The Elder soon stretched a hand towards them, more or so her. You will be reclaimed.
"So you're not lying." He felt bad for doubting her. Unconsciously, he put himself between Jynn and the Elder.
All will be forgiven upon your return, Commander. You serve a higher purpose.
"So this is what you've been having to put up with." He growled at the Elder. He wondered how long this had been going on. How long she had been hiding this? Fighting this?
Help me.
An unfamiliar voice added to the tension. A hoarse cry for help. It sent a chill down his spine. He hesitated, but he slowly turned to face Jynn, only to freeze halfway through. "The hell…"
Looming over Jynn's shoulder was a mutilated corpse. Its arms wrapped around her tightly. Clawing at her. It was a ghastly sight. It reminded him of the bodies they saw at the Blacksite. He could feel knots forming in his stomach.
Help us.
Please help.
His eyes widened with horror as another corpse appeared and another with each plea. In a few seconds, there were several corpses surrounding her, all grabbing and clawing at her. All of them were moaning, pleading, and wailing. He wasn't sure how to process all of this. He felt like his mind would crack. All the loud wailing wasn't helping, either. Just when he felt like he would go mad, he found himself gasping for air while pulling away from her. He blinked his eyes several times. No corpses. No Elder. No voices.
"What the hell?" He looked at her. He noticed her psionics receding back into her. She looked a little tense, if not tired.
"Jynn," he placed his hands on her shoulders, "what the hell was that!?"
She let out a sharp sigh. "What I've been dealing with. Their incessant calls" She opened her eyes. She looked drained. Her already clammy skin looked paler. "It's been going on for a few weeks if not months. It was subtle in the beginning. Just thought it was stress and trauma."
"Months?" His brow twitched and his grip tightened. "And those corpses?"
"Oh, the corpses?" She chuckled nervously. "The corpses are new. Same with the wailing."
"What." Not a response he was expecting. "Have you told the doctors about any of this!? I feel like we can whip up a mind shield or something."
"I haven't yet, and mind shields don't work."
"What do you mean mind shields don't work?"
Like a kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar, she chuckled nervously and tapped her fingers together. "Remember a few weeks ago when Lily got really ticked off when some of the experimental mind shields went missing?"
His brow twitched. "That was you?"
"Yep." She said sheepishly. "Tried them and they didn't work. May have… broken one or two…"
"Jynn…" He shook his head.
"So nothing really works to block them out." She sighed. "It's been a bit rough to tell the truth."
"A bit? A bit?" He didn't believe that for a second.
He dragged her into a hug, tightly wrapping his arms around her. She had been dealing with those Elders for months? And now these wailing corpses were new? All of it was so worrisome.
"Jynn…" His voice was shaky, just like the rest of his body, as he hugged her tightly. He just couldn't believe it. It was like one of his nightmares was coming to life. They had found her. Connected with her. He wished what he saw wasn't true.
"John." Jynn said, slightly muffled.
He didn't quite hear her; lost too far in his thoughts. His hug tightened. He didn't want to let her go. He didn't want to lose her again. He wanted to protect her somehow.
John!"
"Ack!"
A sharp pain under his armpit snapped him back to reality. He let go of her to rub the sore spot. He stiffened when he felt hands touch his face. Hands that gently guided him to look back at her. Hazel eyes, full of concern, stared back at him.
"Calm down. Please."
"That's hard to do after witnessing that!"
"John!" She raised her voice. "You're shaking like a leaf!"'
He hadn't noticed that. He hadn't noticed how shaky his breathing had become. He took a moment to look at his hands. They were still trembling. Like the rest of his body. He looked back at her. "Jynn… I–I…" His voice cracked.
She closed her eyes and sighed. "I know. I know." She sighed again as she pulled the trembling man into a hug. It didn't take much to move him. "I know." She knew it was a lot for him to take in. A lot to process. Things he probably didn't even want to process. She didn't blame him for how he reacted. There were 20 years of built-up pain, anger, and fear in him. She felt she would have reacted the same way.
It took some time for Bradford to calm down. Even once he stopped shaking, his breathing was still uneasy. She held onto him longer until his breathing calmed down further.
"Feeling any better?" She asked. Feeling a tug, she released her grip. She wasn't surprised to see bloodshot eyes looking back at her.
"Feeling… something." Better wasn't in his vocabulary at the moment.
She laughed a little. "I feel as though we'll be trading places soon." She raised a hand to his face and stoked his cheek. It was slightly damp. "I feel like you have something you want to get off your mind."
A little smile peaked through his despondent mood. He leaned into her hand, raising his to touch hers. It felt nice. "Maybe… maybe I do."
"Care to start?" She asked with a soft smile. "I have an ear I'm willing to lend."
"Maybe…" He closed his eyes, sighing. So many memories were coming to the surface.
"You don't have to talk if you don't want to."
"Mm." He nodded. "Just thinking… just thinking of what to talk about."
"Take your time." She kept on stroking his cheek.
A sigh slipped from his lips, as well as a few murmurs. He hated memories. His memories. So much pain. So much he had lost. The Old World was a lingering memory he wanted to lock away. Lock away, so tempting to do that again.
Many years back, back when he was in America doing some business, he met a few times with some friendly, but equally secretive, Templar operatives. Annoyingly, at the time he was being plagued by a nightmare. One he hated the most as it dealt with Jynn. One of the Templars offered to lock out the memory. He was leery at first but after another sleepless night nearly caused him to fumble when they were ambushed by a patrol, he took up their offer. It lasted for a good couple of years until one night, it hit him again like a freight train. That psionic lock disappeared and never recovered.
By then, they had Dr. Veer on the team and she was able to help him minimize the nightmare. It didn't go away until they had found Jynn and her health was better.
I am never sharing that with her. It's too… personal. She can't know it and those
feelings
.
"Maybe…" He was still thinking of what to talk about. Something that could crack that bitter shell of his. "Maybe…" One was coming to mind.
"Hm?" Jynn cocked her head.
"Maybe we can start with when everything went wrong."
Her eyes widened at that. "You sure you want to start there?"
He gripped her hand gently and nodded. "That's when I lost everything. XCOM. Friends. Family. The World." He sighed. "You." His voice cracked. "My best friend." A tear rolled down his cheek.
He never liked talking about that day. Especially in detail. Whether it be with other survivors of that hell or Dr. Veer. He kept it bottled up.
"John," she sighed, hearing his voice crack and even more so when she felt the tear. It pained her to see him like this. "You don't have to talk about that day."
"But I want to…" He took in a deep breath and exhaled. He opened her eyes to look at her. "I finally want to." His trembling, but piercing, gaze made her sigh. He wanted to talk about that day. Get down to all the nitty-gritty details he would never share with the crew. Private details he had probably kept to himself all these years. His eyes said it all.
"Well," She paused for a moment, "let's start with baby steps. Not everything at once."
That got a brief chuckle out of him. "I'll try to pace myself."
He took in a deep breath and sighed. He closed his eyes. "Just another day at the base. We were a year into that war, finally making some headway… when I guess they finally had enough of us."
For tonight, their roles were reversed. Jynn listened to John venting out his feelings, his troubles, that he had kept bottled up for all these years. Though he kept some things guarded. Some memories were too painful to tell. Too painful to relive. Otherwise, the entire process was rather cathartic to him.