Confronting Urges
Previously on Forbidden Fruits: But no matter what lay ahead, I knew one thing for certain: We would face it together, as a pack.
''- mean thoughts
""- Speaking
Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any other Twilight works.
Edward POV:
Upon returning home from an eventful hunt at dawn, I found myself uncertain whether Alice had foreseen the realization of her vision or if she detected his scent lingering on my clothes. Her presence and the whirlwind of her thoughts overwhelmed me when I entered the house from the back door. Alice met me with a solemn expression, her thoughts swirling with concern. "Edward, we need to talk," she said in my head, her tone urgent.
I nodded, knowing what was on her mind even before she spoke. "It's about him," I replied quietly, bracing myself for the conversation.
Alice nodded, her eyes severe. "I've been seeing things, Edward. Visions of his future. It's... complicated."
I took a deep breath, steeling myself. "Not right now; I need a moment," I said as I strode past her, my gaze fixed ahead, and I made my way toward the stairs leading to the second floor. With each step, I focused on blocking out the myriad of thoughts from my family members within the house.
Reaching the restroom, I pushed the door shut behind me, enveloping myself in the comforting solitude of the small space. Taking a deep breath, I undressed, lifting my sweater over my head with practiced ease before stepping out of my chinos.
Turning to my right, I smoothly slid open the encased shower door and reached out to adjust the knobs, letting the water cascade forth in a steady stream before stepping underneath its soothing embrace.
Standing beneath the shower's stream, I allowed the water to cascade over me, lost in contemplation of the encounter. Never before had I experienced a scent quite like that; it hit me like a battering ram. If I had known this scent existed, I would have searched for it long ago. In that instant, I endeavored to maintain my composure and uphold the demeanor of a gentleman. However, my attempt inadvertently exuded confidence and charm. Despite my intentions, I could picture the taste...
A fierce thirst scorched my throat, reminiscent of fire, even after my long night of hunting. My mouth was dry, and the new surge of venom failed to alleviate that feeling. Hunger gnawed at my stomach, a mere echo of the insatiable thirst.
I was a sly Predator in those woods, and He was my Prey.
He didn't alleviate the situation. As he registered the expression on my face, the warmth beneath his skin surged once more, transforming his scent into the most tantalizing aroma I had ever encountered. Then, abruptly, it vanished. The memory of his scent lingered as a dense fog clouded my thoughts. My instincts roared, refusing to be subdued, leaving me in a state of confusion. I realized I was about to walk away from him—or rather, run away—to find something else to satiate my hunger. After bringing down a black bear on Bear Creek, I recognized the attempt to alleviate the monster within, kept restrained for so long. For now, it was imperative to create space between Jacob and me. The last thing I wanted was to harm him and further fuel my desires inadvertently.
The thought of indulging in his taste, of feeding and granting him pleasure, stirred unsettling sensations within me. What euphoria would I experience in that moment?
Shaking my head to dispel such dangerous musings, I released the tension in my clenched fist, a reaction I hadn't been aware of until now. Retrieving a sea sponge and some tea tree body wash, I cleaned away his scent from my skin and senses, a necessary act to control my unruly impulses. After spending a good twenty minutes in the shower, I indulged in one final rinse before stepping out. As I reached for a towel from the rack, I saw a fresh set of clothes neatly arranged atop the toilet. I realized they were likely left there by Esme, lost in my thoughts to notice her entrance. No doubt, my absence had caused concern for both her and Father.
With a silent exhale, I began to dry myself off before slipping into the fresh attire laid out for me. As I dressed, the soft fabric of the turtleneck enveloped me, providing a sense of comfort amidst the turmoil of my thoughts. The oversized cardigan draped over my shoulders, offering a shield against the room's chill. With each movement, the loose pleated khaki trousers flowed gracefully around me, completing the ensemble her meticulous hand chose. After securing the last button on the pants, I cast a fleeting glance in the mirror, taking in sight the attire she had selected. I left the bathroom, the muted light of dawn filtering through the windows. As I walked down the familiar halls of our home, I couldn't shake the weight of uncertainty that hung over me. Each step echoed softly against the polished floors, a rhythm that matched the steady beat of a nervous heart.
My path led me to Carlisle's office, where I knew he would be waiting, his wisdom and guidance ever-present. With each stride, I braced myself for the conversation that awaited when I reached the door to his office waiting outside.
"Edward, please come inside," Carlisle said as he shuffled some papers on his desk; I entered the office stiffly and closed the door behind me. Maybe he saw the distress in my face because he got up and walked around his desk to me.
"Edward?" He said as the concern flickered in his graze at me as he walked closer.
"I have to go, Carlisle. I have to go now." I mumbled out, having a hard time keeping his graze.
"What's happened, Son?" He took in my appearance and tried screeching my eyes for what had caused me to be unsettled.
"Nothing. Yet. But it will if I stay. I don't wanna risk our family or the treaty." I knew if I stayed, I would ravage Jacob. I had already mapped it out multiple times on my hunt.
He reached for my arm, and I noticed the hurt in his eyes when I flinched away. I was afraid he could feel the thirst. "I don't understand." He was still lost on what happened. He could tell, but I struggled to explain what happened.
"Have you ever... has there ever been a time..?" I took a deep breath, feeling the intensity of my words mirrored in his concerned gaze, and I continued, "Has any one person ever smelled better to you than the rest of them? Much better?"
"Oh." As he realized the gravity of my words, I felt a pang of shame wash over me. He reached to touch me, disregarding my recoil, and left his hand on my shoulder.
"Do what you must to resist, Son. I will miss you. Here, take my car. The tank is full." He says, reaching down, taking my hand, putting his Mercedes S55 AMG keys in them, and closing my hand around them. I looked at them, held his gaze, and gripped my shoulder a little before I turned to leave his office. I made my way downstairs to the garage, and when I walked in, I saw Alice still in the passenger seat of Carlisle's car. "Can we please talk before you leave...please, Edward?" Alice thought while looking at me with pleading eyes.
"Of course, Sister," I sighed as I entered the driver's seat. She physically preened. " I am sorry about earlier; I just was a little overwhelmed," I said as I started the car and pressed the garage clicker on the sun visor.
"Please tell me what you see, Alice," I said, my voice barely above a whisper, but she heard me all the same.
She saw it then again as my resolve wavered, and another choice spun my future in a darker direction.
"Oh."
Jacob Black, nude... lying on his back...dead. My eyes glowed crimson with fresh blood. My face nestled in his neck, and my arms wrapped around him. The search that would follow. The tension between our families. The careful time we would wait before it was safe to pull out of Forks and start again...
"Oh, Eddie," she said again. The picture grew more specific. I saw myself on pack lands in front of Billy Black's house for the first time, Jacob in a small garage with an assortment of motorbikes around, his back to me as I stalked him from the shadows, letting the scent pull me toward him...
"Stop!" I groaned, not able to bear more. I shook my head and focused on the road then. I was going so fast on the back roads that I barely noticed when we came to the border. I am more determined to put space between me and forks while I clear my head.
"Sorry," she whispered.
The monster in me rejoiced.
And the vision in her head shifted again. An empty highway at night, the trees beside it coated in snow, flashing by at almost two hundred miles per hour.
"You can drop me off on 3rd Street; I will make my way back," she whispered as she moved her hand to my shoulder and gripped my shoulder. "I will miss you. No matter how short a time you're gone." We were almost to the turnoff onto the short drive that led to the broader.
"Drop me here," Alice instructed. "I should tell others." I nodded, and the car squealed to a sudden stop.
Alice touched my shoulder one last time.
"You will do the right thing," she murmured. Not a vision this time-an order. "He's Billy Black's only son. It would kill him, too."
"Yes," I said, agreeing only with the last part. She slid out, her eyebrows pulling together in anxiety. She melted into the woods, out of sight before I could turn the car around. I made it through customs without issues. I knew the visions in Alice's head would flash from dark to bright like a strobe light as they sped through to Canada doing ninety. I wasn't sure where I was going. To clear my mind? Or to embrace the monster inside me? The road flew away beneath my tires.
I reclined against the soft snowbank, allowing the dry powder to mold around my form. My skin had cooled to harmonize with the frigid air, and the icy granules felt like velvet beneath my touch.
Above me, the sky stretched clear and luminous, adorned with myriad stars. Some gleamed blue, others yellow, forming grand, swirling patterns against the vast expanse of the universe—a truly breathtaking sight. Yet, despite its beauty, I could not fully appreciate it.
Six days had elapsed since I sought refuge in the desolate Denali wilderness. Yet, I remained trapped, unable to escape the scent that had ensnared me from the I gazed at the jeweled sky. I felt a barrier between myself and its splendor—a barrier in the form of a face. It was a beautiful face that stubbornly lingered in my thoughts, refusing to fade away.
I sensed the approaching presence before I heard the footsteps—a faint whisper against the powder. It was no surprise when Tanya appeared, having pondered our impending conversation for days, waiting until she was ready to speak her mind. She emerged into view approximately sixty yards away, bounding onto the edge of a black rock formation and gracefully balancing on the tips of her bare feet.
Tanya's skin glimmered silver in the starlight, while her cascading blond curls radiated a pale hue, tinged with a subtle strawberry tint. Her amber eyes sparkled with mischief as she caught sight of me, partially obscured by the snow, and her lips curved into a slow, enchanting smile.
Exquisite. If only I could honestly see her. I sighed.
Unconcerned to conceal herself from human eyes, she wore a delicate cotton camisole and shorts. As she crouched upon the rocky outcrop, her fingertips brushed against the stone, her body poised with tension.
"Cannonball," she mused in her thoughts. She leaped into the air, her lithe form twisting and turning amidst the backdrop of stars, casting a graceful shadow against the night sky. With a fluid motion, she curled into a ball and descended beside me, sending a flurry of snow swirling around us in a sparkling storm of icy crystals.
As I remained buried under the snow, the darkness surrounding me neither intensified nor lessened the sight that haunted my thoughts—the same face, ever-present in my mind's eye.
"Edward?" Tanya swiftly unearthed me, her fingers brushing off the powder from my skin gently, her gaze avoiding mine.
"Sorry," she murmured, looking insecure, plucking her top a bit. "It was just a joke."
"I know. It was funny," I replied, though her expression soured slightly at my response.
"Irina and Kate think I'm bothering you. They said I should leave you alone." She huffed, looking around at the snow that surrounded us.
"Not at all," I reassured her, my voice tinged with genuine regret. "If anything, it's me who's being rude—rude. I apologize."
"You're leaving, aren't you?" her thought drifted into my mind, a note of sadness creeping into her tone.
"I haven't fully decided yet."I am still at a loss on what to do about my dark urges. "But you're not staying here," her thought turned reflective, mirroring the longing in her eyes.
"No, it doesn't seem to be helping," I admitted, my gaze drifting back to the face that lingered in my thoughts, a constant reminder of my inner turmoil. Tanya's lips formed a subtle pout. "That's my fault, isn't it?"
"Of course not," I replied earnestly, reaching out to gently grasp her hand in reassurance. While she hasn't made things more accessible, it's not her fault. The obstacle that indeed hinders me lies elsewhere.
"Don't feel obligated to be polite," she urged softly, her eyes searching mine for understanding. I couldn't help but smile, grateful for her knowledge and acceptance amidst my inner turmoil.
"I make you uncomfortable," She accused.
"No." I shook my head in response, releasing her hand. She raised an eyebrow, her expression conveying disbelief so palpable that I couldn't help but laugh—a brief, mirthless chuckle that escaped me before dissolving into a sigh.
"All right," I confessed, "Slightly." She sighed in response, drawing her knees up to her chest and resting her chin on her hands, which were folded atop her knees.
"You're a thousand times more stunning than the stars, Tanya. I'm sure you're well aware of that already. Don't let my stubbornness shake your confidence," I remarked with a chuckle, though I found the notion highly unlikely.
"I'm not accustomed to being turned down," she grumbled, her lower lip jutting in an appealing pout.
"Indeed," I concurred, attempting to block out her thoughts as she briefly reminisced about her numerous conquests. Tanya had always preferred human men—they were more abundant and offered the advantage of being warm and pliable. And always eager, without fail.
"Succubus," I teased, hoping to divert her attention from the images flickering through her mind.
She flashed me a grin, revealing her teeth. "The original."
Unlike Carlisle, Tanya and her sisters had gradually developed a sense of conscience. Their affection for human men ultimately led them to renounce their predatory ways. Now, the men they loved... lived.
"When you arrived here," Tanya began slowly, "I thought..."
I knew what she had thought and should have anticipated her reaction. But at that moment, my analytical thinking had been severely lacking.
"You thought that I had changed my mind." I breathed out, looking back up at the stars for a moments
"Yes," she scowled in confusion. Of course, she thought I could be here only to be with her.
"I feel terrible for raising your hopes, Tanya. It wasn't intentional—I was thoughtless. I left rather abruptly..."
"I suppose you won't enlighten me on the matter?" she probed, her expression filled with anticipation. As she awaited my response, I straightened up, folding my arms tightly across my chest, the tension in my shoulders palpable.
"I'd rather keep it to myself; I hope you understand," I replied, my voice steady despite the internal turmoil. With a firm grip, I clenched a handful of snow.
She fell silent once more, her mind undoubtedly still occupied with speculation. Ignoring her, I focused on the stars overhead, but the effort proved futile. After quiet contemplation, she seemed to relinquish her inquiries, her thoughts veering in a new direction.
"Where will you go, Edward, if you leave? Back to Carlisle?
"I'm not sure," I murmured. Where could I possibly go? There was nowhere in the world that piqued my interest. There was nothing I desired to see or experience. Wherever I went, my thoughts would inevitably get back to him. I didn't particularly appreciate how it made me feel vulnerable, as if I couldn't control my impulses. When did I become such a coward?
Tanya draped her slender arm around my shoulders in a gesture of support. I tensed at the touch but remained still, refusing to recoil. She intended it as nothing more than a friendly consolation. Mostly.
"I think you will go back," she remarked, her voice tinged with a faint trace of her once prominent Russian accent. "No matter the challenge... or the individual... that weighs on your mind. You'll confront it directly. It's your nature."
Her thoughts mirrored her words with unwavering certainty. I endeavored to adopt the image of myself that she envisioned—the one who tackled challenges head-on. It was gratifying to consider myself in that light once more. I had never questioned my bravery, capacity to confront adversity, or mastery over my impulses until that night in the woods just a short while ago.
I kissed her temple, withdrawing abruptly when she turned her face toward mine. She smirked at my reaction.
"Thank you, Tanya. I needed to hear that," I acknowledged gratefully.
"I apologize, Tanya. You know you deserve better than me. I simply...haven't found what I'm searching for yet," I confessed.
"Well, if you depart before our paths cross again... goodbye, Edward," she murmured solemnly.
"Goodbye, Tanya," I replied, visualizing the scene. I could see myself departing, regaining control, and returning to where I belonged. "Thank you again."
She sprang to her feet in one fluid motion, darting away with such speed that her footsteps barely disturbed the snow. There were no traces left behind, and she didn't glance back. My rejection had affected her more deeply than she had let on, even in her thoughts. She had no desire to see me again before I departed.
A frown creased my brow. Though I wouldn't say I liked causing Tanya pain, her feelings for me were shallow, impure, and ultimately unreciprocated. It still weighed on my conscience, making me feel less than gentlemanly.
Resting my chin on my knees, I gazed up at the stars again, a sudden urgency to leave seizing me. I knew Alice would anticipate my return and inform the others, particularly Carlisle and Esme, who would be pleased by the news. Yet, for a fleeting moment, I tried to peer beyond the image of a familiar face. Amidst the brilliance of the celestial lights, a pair of defiant, deep brown eyes questioned my decisions, seeming to ponder the implications for him. Though I couldn't be sure that was the information he sought, even in my imagination, I could hear his thoughts. Jacob Black's unwavering gaze continued to probe, and my view of the stars remained obstructed. With a resigned sigh, I abandoned the attempt and rose. If I hurried, I could reach Carlisle's car in less than an hour.
Eager to reunite with my family and reclaim the identity of Edward, who faced challenges head-on, I raced across the starlit snowfield, leaving no trace of my passing.
So this one is a bit late; I wanted to showcase Edward's uncertainty and thoughts rather than that cocky attitude he shows on the surface. My Jacob and Edward may be a little out of character, but I will try to be true to them in character if Bella was a person between them.
Thank you for reading, and please review :)