Disclaimer: I own nothing other than my mind
Collection of fictlets of my male half-elf barbarian/monk Dark Urge and Astarion's slow-burn romance.
Spoilers for Acts 1 & 2
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Tav watched as the campsite he had called home for weeks now was bustling with rowdy happy tieflings celebrating their survival from not only the goblins but the druids as well. He noticed Halsin had joined them and was glad to see an attempt at an olive branch from the druids, considering their treatment of the refugees when things started getting hard, was tentatively accepted by the tieflings. It was nice seeing everyone letting loose after all the stress that had been piled on top of them. It didn't hurt that liquor was flowing freely.
Tav himself held a mug of ale, though he had only sipped on it so far. He wandered the camp, listening to the banter, songs, and general high spirits from not only the tieflings but his companions.
Gale had attempted to show Tav how to manipulate the weave earlier, but it went about as well as one would expect from a barbarian, which caused a good bit of laughter from everyone around to witness it.
Afterward, he realized that Wyll was missing from his usual spot near his tent, so Tav set out to find the adventurous Blade of Frontiers. He found the man down by the river, talking with Karlach. It looked to be a serious and intimate conversation. Wyll was looking rather deflated of his usual bravado and Karlach looked like she desperately wanted to console him, but wasn't sure how verbally and physically couldn't.
Tav watched as Karlach reached for Wyll, but stopped just an inch short of touching him. Wyll glanced down at her hand and mumbled something and Karlach's face lit up as he took her hand, just for a moment, before releasing it. Tav smiled and moved on, leaving the two to work through what was eating at the warlock. Tav suspected it was the sudden visual change in Wyll's appearance that was causing the issue. Thankfully, Karlach was incredible at making others feel seen and heard, even though her continued existence was the reason for Wyll's change at Mizora's hand.
Tav slowly made his way to Astarion's tent and saw the pale elf sitting on his stool looking quite miserable. Giving the elf's shoulder a nudge as he passed from behind him to settle himself down on a pillow in front of Astarion, "Why the long face?"
A smile flashed on Astarion's face as he replied, gesturing with the wine bottle in his hand, "I never pictured myself a hero." He took a swig of his wine, grimaced, and said, "I hate it. This is awful."
"Yeah the vintage they brought isn't the best," Tav joked taking a sip of his ale, "At least the ale is decent."
Astarion glared at him, but it was soon cracked by a smirk, "It tastes like vinegar."
Tav set down his mug and grabbed the bottle from Astarion's hand and took a long drink. It was a cheaper red, but it would still work to get a person drunk at least. Wiping his mouth he handed the bottle back and Astarion's eyes flickered to the mouth of the bottle and back to Tav. "Not the worst thing I've tasted. Though with your standards, yeah, it'd be pretty disgusting," Tav said giving Astarion an apologetic look.
Astarion took another sip of the wine and said poutily, "I just wanted a little fun. It'll be quite hard to do with...this," and he gestured to his bottle.
Tav laughed, picking up his ale again, and bumped it against the wine bottle, "I'll toast to that!" He took another long pull from his ale, draining half of it easily.
Astarion's eyebrows shot up in surprise which he quickly schooled into a seductive look, "You know, we could always have our own fun, darling."
"Hmmm, I have something in mind we could do," Tav said a lazy smile spread on his face.
"Oh? What do you have in mind," Astarion asked as he leaned forward on his seat.
"Meet me later on by the ruined building that's nearby and I'll show you," Tav said with a wink. He stood and walked away and the entire time he could feel the vampire spawn's eyes on him.
Tav made a few more rounds of the camp, making sure his companions were behaving or enjoying themselves depending on the companion, and seeing that the tieflings were enjoying their celebrations. Once the revelry had calmed to a low murmur against the quiet of the night, he made his way to the ruins nearby, a bottle of a finer vintage red in his hands. Approaching in the bright moonlight he saw the pale ghost-like form of Astarion leaning against the side of the stone wall.
"There you are. I wasn't entirely sure you were going to show," he said impatiently, running a hand through his silver hair.
"Stand you up? Never! Now, follow me, we'll have to cross the river," Tav said holding out his hand to the pale elf.
Astarion made a face, "Ugh, I don't feel like getting my shoes wet, can't we find somewhere else to cross?"
"Nope, that would take entirely too long! Here," Tav said and handed the bottle to Astarion, who glanced down at the label and made an appreciative noise. Tav turned and knelt offering his back to the rogue, "I'll carry you across."
"What?" Astarion said shocked.
"I'll carry you so your shoes don't get wet," Tav said plainly, looking back at him. "Come on, it's a beautiful night and I want to show you something."
Astarion huffed in annoyance but stooped to put his arms around Tav's neck, one hand holding tight to the wine bottle, the other clasped the wrist of his occupied hand. Tav stood and as Astarion's legs wrapped around his waist, he positioned his arms and hands to support the other man's legs.
He couldn't help the wide grin that cracked his face nor the flutter in his chest at the feeling of the elf against his back and idly wondered if Astarion could feel it as he started forward. If so the elf didn't make mention of it.
As Tav made his careful trek through the shallowest portion of the river nearby, Astarion grumbled that this was 'quite ridiculous' and that Tav 'better not fall'. Tav just chuckled at the vampire spawn, as he splashed through the calf-high water. It was cold but Tav didn't mind, he ran hot most of the time anyway.
Once he made it to the other side of the river he paused on the riverbank but made no move to set Astarion down and the pale elf said, "You can set me down now."
"I could, but if you'll allow it, I'd like to carry you to our destination," Tav said a slight blush rising to his cheeks. After a moment when Astarion didn't say anything he bowed his head and mumbled, "It's nice, carrying you like this..."
He heard Astarion's soft snort, but the elf settled back against Tav's back and rested his head on the larger man's shoulder, "Well, we don't have all night."
Tav's smile reappeared as he readjusted his arms and then started his journey into the forest and up toward the large outcrop above their camp. He chatted amicably with Astarion as they went; about their companions, and the next steps on their journey. By the time they made it to the top, where the waterfall was, he had a light sheen of sweat on his body and his muscles burned pleasantly from the effort. Astarion was cool against his back, for which Tav was grateful.
He carefully knelt again, and Astarion slipped off his back, looking around the clearing they stood in. They were right next to the waterfall that fed the river that lazily wound its way past their camp as well as a rocky shelf that looked over the campsite below.
Tav watched as Astarion walked to the edge and peered down into the darkness at the now quiet camp. "I figured since we've been traveling together, you probably haven't had a chance to see the sunrise. So we can share that bottle of wine, do some star viewing, and catch a beautiful sunrise in a few hours."
Astarion turned back to Tav, his face a mix of confusion and uncertainty, "This isn't quite what I had in mind when I said I wanted some fun."
"I know, but I don't think either of us is ready for the kind of fun you were suggesting, Astarion," Tav said gently as he walked up and took the bottle out of Astarion's hands. Tav stepped past him and sat down on the lip of the overlook. He looked up at Astarion and smiled as the elf sat next to him.
"Now then! Let's crack this open," Tav said enthusiastically and peeled the wax off the mouth of the bottle before he pulled on the cork stopper, releasing the wine from its prison of glass. Tossing the wax and cork into the woods, he handed the bottle to Astarion first.
Astarion wore an unreadable expression but took a long pull of the wine eagerly and let out a satisfied sigh afterward. "That is much improved to the swill down there," he said before handing the bottle back to Tav.
Tav downed a couple of mouthfuls before he nodded in agreement.
Astarion looked out and couldn't help but enjoy the view. The moon was full, bathing the world in silvers and greys, and the night sky looked like someone had spilled glitter all over a black velvet sheet. It was more stars than he was used to seeing in Baldur's Gate and he wondered if the amount of light sources the city sported, was the reasoning behind it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tav lean back on one of his hands, cradling the wine bottle in the other, and it looked like he was enjoying himself. Good.
Tav watched as Astarion leaned forward again to look below at the waterfall and a sudden urge boiled up, smashing past his defenses. He imagined pushing Astarion off of the ledge with one swift kick. Imagined watching his body fall, screaming until the sickening thud and sudden silence. Pleasure washed through him at the visions. No! NO! He wouldn't give in to these twisted fantasies. He liked Astarion more than he probably should, all things considered. Tav screwed his eyes shut and felt a spasm go through him and suddenly pain blossomed in his hand. He opened his eyes and realized he'd grasped the bottle hard enough to break the neck of it. Wine, glass, and blood mixed as it poured over his hand. "Fuck," he said simply. Better the bottle than Astarion's neck he thought as he moved the bottle to the side and took a look at his hand.
Astarion turned and grabbed Tav's wrist firmly, "Hells. Must barbarians break everything," he mumbled and began picking the glass out of Tav's wounds. "Why is it I'm always the one patching you up?"
Tav grimaced but couldn't help a chuckle at Astarion's displeasure, as he made up a lame excuse, "Sorry, I got distracted. I forget my strength sometimes."
Astarion just grunted in reply as he finished pulling out the last shard. Then Tav watched as the vampire spawn lifted his injured hand to his mouth and pressed the wounds to his mouth. Tav hissed in pain but didn't pull away. Astarion took his time, his tongue cleaning the blood and wine mixture coating Tav's hand. Tav swallowed hard as he watched the pale elf. The moonlight bathed his pale skin in an almost ethereal glow. Completely different urges welled up in him as he spoke, "Thank you."
After a few heartbeats, Astarion sat back a self-satisfied smirk on his face. "No point wasting either the wine or the blood." Tav looked back down at his hand and realized almost all of the wounds were staunched, whatever Astarion had done with his tongue was enough to slow the bleeding of all but the deepest cut. "We'll need to stitch that last one, sadly. I can only do so much," Astarion said releasing Tav's wrist, picking up the broken wine bottle, and peering in.
"Hm, not much left," he said disappointed, and cast the broken bottle out over the ledge. They heard the faint sound of shattering glass and Tav flexed his hand gently, careful to not aggravate the cuts as Astarion laid back to stare at the stars.
After a few moments, Tav joined the pale elf in his stargazing and a comfortable silence formed between them.
"What's your favorite star or constellation," Astarion asked softly as he turned his head to look at Tav.
Tav hummed thoughtfully before a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. He met Astarion's gaze and replied honestly, "You."
Astarion snored and looked away, but even in the dim light of the moon, Tav could see the delicate blush on the tips of Astarion's ears. The elf-shot out a half-hearted insult, "You're insufferable."
Tav rolled to his side and reached out to turn Astarion's face back to his, "You are a magnificent sight to behold when you blush."
Astarion stared at Tav, his eyes dropping to the half-elf's lips. He propped himself up on his elbow as his lips met Tav's.
Tav melted into the kiss, his hand sliding from Astarion's jaw to the nape of his neck. Astarion could feel the painful roil of emotions stir in his stomach but he smashed it down ruthlessly. He didn't have the luxury of letting Tav's whims control his fate, regardless of his feelings on the matter.
Astarion pushed against Tav's chest, pushing the larger man's back to the ground, and smoothly slid around his waist.
"W-wait 'Star I don't-" Tav started but Astarion cut him off with another kiss as he bucked his hips against Tav's own. Tav groaned against his mouth and his fingers dug into Astarion's hips, pulling the pale elf off of him, with an incredible amount of strength.
Tav shifted away breathing heavily, "Astarion you have to stop doing this. I can't keep taking the whiplash that you've been giving me. You say you need time one moment and the next you're flinging yourself at me, and I just...I don't understand."
Astarion collected himself as Tav frustratedly ran a hand through his hair. Schooling his face into a carefully seductive look Astarion barreled ahead through the fear that was thrumming through his nerves, "What if I said I love you?"
Tav flinched and looked away, "More honied words, after everything we've been through and overcome, would you just be honest with me?"
Astarion's face twisted into scorn as he spits out, "You want honesty? Fine, I'll give you honesty-" and stood pacing away from Tav, rage rolling off of him like Tav had never seen before. Astarion whirled back to the surprised half-elf his face a mask of twisted pain and hatred, "I spent 200 years luring back pretty little things to Cazador with my body. It's all I've known for so fucking long. Whatever I wanted, however I felt about what I was doing, it never mattered. Cazador never gave me a choice. I've lived in fear for so long, that I don't know how to stop thinking and behaving like I'm still Cazador's slave."
Tav stood slowly, careful to not startle the enraged rogue in front of him, as he spoke, his voice low and soothing, "You're not a thing to be discarded after being used up, Astarion. Not with me nor anyone else at our camp thinks that. You don't have to keep pretending or putting yourself into these kinds of situations."
Astarion stared at him, tears threatening to fall as they gathered onto his dark lashes. He was shaking and it felt like a rock had been lodged in his throat, as Tav spoke again, "You are worth a great deal to me, 'Star. These feelings aren't contingent on us having sex. I just want to be with you, and if you honestly need it, I can take a step back from this and we will just be friends." Tav stepped closer, slowly reaching out towards Astarion's hand but not taking it, "I promise you, I only want you to be happy. What do you want to do?"
Tears slipped down Astarion's cheeks as his jaw muscles jumped, catching the light of the moon, before he finally spoke, "I...don't know. It's been so...long since I've had to decide what I wanted." Looking down he took Tav's offered hand and stared at their hands. He said softly almost like he was realizing it for himself in that moment, "But I do know...that this is nice." His eyes were dark and wet when he looked back up into Tav's eyes, but the shy smile he gave Tav was like watching the sun cutting through the fog on a dark day. Tav knew he would be chasing that look in Astarion's eyes for the rest of his life, for as long as he possibly could.
Tav gave him a gentle smile and a soft squeeze of his hand, "Then we will go slow, and figure this out together."
The sunrise was one of the most beautiful either man had seen in a long time.
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It had been an exhausting few days for the group. Lae-zel insisted that they make the trek to Crèche Y'llek to seek a cure for their tadpoles before they head into the Underdark. It had gone from bad to worse; the path to the crèche had been littered with dangerous encounters, and the crèche itself had been incredibly perilous. From the zaith'isk being a death trap to Inquisitor Ch'r'ai W'wargaz's betrayal, Tav and his group had barely made it out of the crèche alive. Lae-zel had been distraught the entire time back to their camp and Tav was at a loss of words to help steady the powerful warrior, who was now adrift in a sea of confusion and doubt.
Tomorrow they would set off to the Underdark, to attempt to find more clues as to the weapon called the Nightsong. Tav was honestly excited to see more of the Underdark, though many in his party were apprehensive. Most of them had never delved into the Underdark before and it would be treacherous to navigate. Astarion and Karlach were the biggest dissenters, but Tav knew it was because they both had an aversion to being without the sun once more.
Tav groaned and hissed as he sank his bruised and battered body into the cool and tranquil pond about a half mile from the campsite. It was chilly, but Tav knew the cold would be good for his weary muscles. He slowly sank further until the water was up to his chin, giving his body time to adjust to the temperature. Once it was comfortable, he took a deep breath, dipped below the surface, and swam under the water until his lungs ached. He burst out of the cool waters, shaking the water from his face and hair as he sucked in lungfuls of air.
"You remind me of Scratch when it rains shaking off like that," an unmistakable voice said.
Tav yelped and turned startled, "Shit! Astarion, you've got to stop sneaking up on me like this."
Astarion's giggle was infectious as he gasped out between laughs, "How am I supposed to announce myself to you if you're under the water? Stick my face in there and start yelling? Oh, I know I'll throw a few daggers next time to let you know I'm nearby."
Tav blushed and turned his back on the pale elf who was lounging on the large rocks on the shore of the pond. "Would you be so kind as to throw my soap over here," Tav said attempting to cover his embarrassment with a gruff tone.
"Hmmm," Astarion hummed thoughtfully, "I've never been called a kind man before, but I believe for you, I can stoop to such a low description." Tav heard a plop as his soap landed in the water next to his elbow. Thankfully the soap was in a net bag with a large cork to hold it afloat.
"Thank you," Tav replied and began washing himself in the waist-high water. He focused on scrubbing as much of the blood, sweat, and dirt as he could from his body, determined to not think about the elf that was probably watching the display. He dunked himself one more time to rinse the last dregs of soap from his hair and body. He felt markedly better from the cool waters and the pleasant fragrance of his soap. He turned back to Astarion who was reclining on the rocks, his back to Tav, looking akin to a languidly lounging cat in a sunbeam, even though the sun was already hiding behind the trees.
Tav made his way back to the shore, found his towel next to his pack, and quickly dried himself off before slipping into his relaxing camp clothes. "All yours now," Tav said simply at Astarion.
"Hmm? Oh, yes, I probably should.." he replied turning to watch Tav as the half-elf dried his hair, "You can stay if you'd like. I may need someone to wash my back for me," he said, his voice and face flirtatious.
"I think you'll manage without my help," Tav scoffed and settled his towel around his neck.
Astarion gasped dramatically like the words wounded him, "Darling, I'm hurt! Though you're right, I wouldn't mind your company, regardless. You can stay here and keep an eye out for anything dangerous, while I'm vulnerable in the water!"
Tav snorted a laugh shaking his head, "Fine." He took a cross-legged seat next to Astarion and faced away from the water. Astarion stood but before he moved away he pressed a quick kiss to the top of Tav's head then left to undress. Tav could hear the elf's sharp exhale at the cold water and the rapid expletives that flew out of his mouth the entire time.
"How in the blazes did you stand this water? It's freezing! Usually, I'm quite impervious to the cold, but this is on another level. Hells! Damn you for not telling me it was this cold. I wouldn't have gotten in if that was the case! My balls have certainly shriveled to raisins at this point, fucking hells!"
Tav snickered to himself and plucked a few thin strands of reed from the edge of the grasses next to the rock he sat on and began to deftly weave them. He wasn't sure why he knew how to weave but he found that it gave him something to do with his hands during moments like this.
By the time Astarion was returning to shore Tav had woven a crown of reeds. He kept his back to the elf as Astarion spoke, "There's something I was hoping you could help me with?"
Tav turned and saw that Astarion had dressed but stood there without his usual white shirt. His silver curls were turned into a dark grey from the water and a few of them still stuck to his neck, small drops of water sliding down the elf's pale chest and neck. Tav swallowed and forcefully made himself focus on Astarion's face and words.
"I need...Well, what I was wondering is...if maybe - perhaps - you might take a look at my back," Astarion said frustration clear in his voice as he shrugged helplessly.
"Oh, did you get injured earlier?" Tav stood worry creasing his brow.
"No, not earlier...just...here," Astarion stammered then turned his back to Tav. His shoulders were stiff and the tension in his body was apparent, but what caught Tav off guard the most was the viciously carved sigil on Astarion's back. He had no idea that this had been lurking on the pale elf's back this entire time. Tav's stomach twisted and he felt white hot anger searing through his stomach.
"What, the hells, Astarion. Did Cazador do this to you?!" Tav said through gritted teeth, his voice shaking from the rage. His jaw ached from the effort of keeping the red from filling his vision.
Astarion sighed and looked back at Tav and was taken aback by the half-elf's grim expression, "Ah! Yes...he...it was a...gift from him. A poem. Something he gave to all of his vampire spawn. He carved it in a single night and made many...many revisions as he went."
Tav forced the boiling rage to a simmer inside of him though he still had trouble getting his voice under control, "I see. Do you...do you know what it says?"
"Sadly, I've yet to find a mirror that works for vampire spawn," Astarion said the smirk not quite reaching his eyes.
"Then...let me be your mirror," Tav said as he stepped closer to Astarion and turned the elf again to focus on the jagged runes as he let his mind brush against Astarion's own.
Astarion let him in and their minds entwined as Tav showed him the scars. Astarion gasped softly and mumbled, "What in the Hells...what did he do to me?"
Tav said, "Perhaps we could ask the others? They could know something more or even point us in the right direction to translating this...poem."
Astarion shifted and half turned back to Tav, his mind closing off from Tav's as he spoke, "No! No, let's keep this between us for now. I...I want to absorb this a bit longer before we drag anyone else into this." He turned to look out at the tranquil water of the pond, his voice soft, "For two centuries I carried this, this wretched thing. Now I've finally seen what he did to me."
"When you're ready, we can see what the others think, and if they don't have any ideas, we'll keep on searching," Tav said determinedly.
Astarion looked back at him, the ghost of sorrow hovering around the corners of his eyes and mouth, "Thank you, by the way. I...I'm not used to showing others my weaknesses."
Tav simply nodded and turned to pick up the woven reed crown from where he had been sitting. "Here. I don't know how my fingers knew how to do this but, well, I think it would look dashing on you," he said lamely giving a crooked smile to Astarion as the elf pulled on his shirt.
After adjusting his collar Astarion took the crown, giving it an appraising look, "This was well done." He delicately placed it on his head and gave Tav a playful pose.
Warmth bloomed in Tav's chest as he looked fondly at Astarion in the rapidly darkening woods. He felt his mind slip into Astarion's again and he gasped in sync with the pale elf.
"Sorry, I didn't-"
"That's what I look like?!"
They stared at each other with wide eyes. "Y-yes...to me...anyways," Tav stammered, feeling that warmth in his chest rising to his cheeks. He kept his eyes on Astarion as their minds mingled together. He kept a tight hold of his feelings, scared that if he let those bleed through the link, he would scare the pale elf away. Being delicate wasn't something that came naturally to him, but he worked hard to always do so around the vampire spawn.
A soft oh escaped Astarion's lips as he stepped closer, the fascination on his face was almost child-like. Tav focused on Astarion's face, slowly roving the elf's face and he knew Astarion could see it all. He hoped the elf liked what he saw because Tav did and he let that feeling escape through his chokehold on his emotions.
The link faded gently and their minds were once again their own. "Well then, at least these tadpoles are occasionally useful," Astarion said ruefully after clearing his throat.
"Sorry again, I was just...thinking of how much I enjoy your company and I guess the tadpole picked up on that," Tav said apologetically as he scratched the back of his head awkwardly.
Astarion shrugged and looked away from Tav's eyes, "I didn't mind."
"Any time you want to look at yourself, just let me know," Tav said seriously as he picked up his pack and slung it over his shoulder, "We should head back however, Gale doesn't like it when I'm late to dinner."
Astarion sneered as he gathered his pack, "I don't know how you can eat what that wizard cooks up for us. Good thing I don't have to eat."
"Oh come now, Gale's a surprisingly good chef. It's honestly a testament to how good he is because sometimes we have shit all for ingredients and he always manages to make a decent meal out of it," Tav said, nudging his shoulder into Astarion's as they walked side by side back towards the camp, "You really should try it sometime, you might be pleasantly surprised."
"I might be convinced to have a taste; however, I'll need something a bit more filling afterward," Astarion said slyly, looking at Tav out of the corner of his eye, a smirk slowly curling the corners of his lips.
Tav hummed noncommittally as he pointedly didn't meet Astarion's eyes, looking everywhere but at the pouting elf. He couldn't help the smile that spread on his face as he responded and linked his pinky with Astarion's as they walked, "I wouldn't dare to deny you that, love."
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Thanks for reading