Maybe won't you take it back?
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you and I don't want to, ooh
~I Love You, Billie Eilish
In the wake of Ruby's close brush with death, Astarion found himself grappling with emotions he had long kept at bay. The incident had stirred something within him, a protective instinct that he couldn't quite shake off. Despite his best efforts to maintain his detached facade, the truth remained undeniable – her safety had become a paramount concern to him.
But such vulnerabilities were not something he would readily admit to. Astarion was adept at concealing his true feelings behind a veil of nonchalance and indifference. Yet, in the quiet depths of his mind, he couldn't deny the unsettling reality of caring for another. It was like navigating through the flickering flames of uncertainty, simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying, yet undeniably compelling.
The recent trial orchestrated by Shar had only served to underscore the depth of Astarion's newfound attachment. Confronted with mirror versions of themselves, each step laden with perilous consequences, he found himself teetering on the edge of recklessness. When Ruby's mirrored reflection threatened her with a malevolent grin and a gleaming blade poised at her throat, all semblance of rationality fled. In that moment, there was only the instinctive need to protect, to ensure her safety at any cost.
Without a second thought, he drew an arrow from his quiver, the tension coiling in his muscles as he took aim. The reflection shattered into a thousand fractured shards.
As their eyes locked in a tense gaze, Astarion braced himself for the inevitable torrent of words that would surely follow. The sharp pang that lanced through his abdomen served as a grim reminder of the repercussions of his impulsive actions. Ignoring the searing pain, he pressed on, engaging his mirrored counterpart in a half-assed duel, his movements hampered by the throbbing ache in his gut.
With each clash of steel against steel, he felt the weight of his own folly bearing down upon him. The fight was a precarious dance of survival, teetering on the edge of disaster with every misstep. Despite his best efforts to maintain the upper hand, the odds seemed stacked against him, each close call a stark reminder of his own mortality.
Yet, through sheer determination and a measure of luck, Astarion eventually gained the advantage, delivering the decisive blow that shattered his reflection into a myriad of fragmented pieces. As the echoes of the clash faded into the ether, he found himself gasping for breath, his body aching from the exertion.
It was then that Shadowheart, ever the vigilant healer, rushed to his side, her hands glowing with the soft radiance of restorative magic. With a whispered incantation, she began to mend his wounds.
But any respite was short-lived as Ruby stormed towards them, her expression a tempest of fury and concern. Sensing the impending storm, the cleric swiftly retreated, leaving Astarion to face the brunt of Ruby's wrath alone. With a resigned sigh, he prepared himself for the inevitable onslaught of words, knowing all too well that he had brought this upon himself.
Despite the adorable sight of the petite rogue's pouting expression and crossed arms, there was an undeniable fierceness in the glint of her violet drow-like eyes. Astarion couldn't help but admire the fire that flickered in them.
"I had it under control," she muttered under her breath, barely audible once Shadowheart had retreated out of earshot.
The vampire spawn couldn't suppress the smirk that tugged at the corners of his lips. "Oh, really? Darling, I hardly count having a dagger pressed to your throat as having it under control."
The playful banter faded as quickly as it had emerged, replaced by the weight of the situation at hand. Ruby's expression hardened, her gaze boring into his with unwavering intensity.
"This isn't a joke, Astarion," she retorted, her tone edged with frustration. "Shadowheart made it very clear – to attack our own reflections and that's it."
Astarion's smile faltered, his facade slipping to reveal the vulnerability that lurked beneath the surface. He ran a hand through his tousled hair.
"After you shattered my reflection, you were in pain. It hurt you-"
A bitter chuckle escaped Astarion's lips at Ruby's observation, the sound carrying the weight of two centuries of pain and suffering. "I'm used to it," he replied curtly, his voice tinged with a hint of resignation. Without waiting for a response, he turned away from her, the distance between them widening with each measured step.
But Ruby was not one to let things lie. With determination etched into every line of her face, she quickened her pace, her hand shooting out to grasp his arm in a vice-like grip. "That's not an excuse," she insisted, her voice rising in volume with each word. "You should've listened to Shadowheart! You could've died-"
A surge of frustration welled up within Astarion, his patience wearing thin beneath the weight of her relentless admonishments. "What the hells do you want me to say, Ruby?!" he erupted, the words tumbling from his lips in a torrent of emotion. He watched as her features softened, the fire in her eyes giving way to a flicker of concern.
Taking a deep breath to steady himself, the vampire spawn attempted to collect his thoughts amidst the chaos of his roiling emotions. "I don't know what this is between us," he admitted, his voice quieter now, laced with an undercurrent of vulnerability. "But I do know that you are quite possibly the first person I've ever truly cared for. I watched you die once. I won't let it happen again."
Tears welled in the dhampir's eyes, glistening like diamonds as she struggled to contain the overwhelming surge of emotion that threatened to engulf her.
"How do you think I'd feel if something happened to you?!" she shouted, her voice trembling with raw intensity. It was a question borne of desperation.
But Astarion's response was not one of comfort or reassurance. Instead, it was a guttural growl of frustration, a reflection of the turmoil that churned within him. "Why do you care so deeply for me, Ruby?" he demanded. "I'm nothing more than a mere speck of dust. Yet, you act as though your entire world would crumble if I were to perish."
The words hung heavy in the air, a stark reminder of the vast expanse that separated them – not just in terms of their origins, but in the depths of their own self-worth. For Astarion, centuries of existence had left him hollow and jaded, his heart encased in layers of icy indifference. To him, Ruby's concern remained a foreign concept, an anomaly that defied all logic and reason.
"Because I love you." Her words came out before she thought about what she was saying.
For a moment, Astarion froze, his features a mask of disbelief and uncertainty. Love? The word echoed in the recesses of his mind, a concept that clashed with everything he had been taught. Love was a weakness, a vulnerability to be exploited by those who sought to manipulate and control. A pretty little lie.
And yet, as he looked into Ruby's eyes, he couldn't shake the gnawing sense of doubt that crept into his heart. Why did this feel different? Why did her words stir something within him that he had long sought to bury?
Uncomfortable with the intensity of her confession, Astarion shifted uneasily. "No, don't say that," he pleaded, his voice tinged with a note of desperation. It was a reflexive response, born out of years of conditioning and self-preservation.
But even as the words left his lips, a part of him couldn't help but wonder – what if? What if love wasn't the weakness he had always believed it to be? What if, against all odds, he allowed himself to embrace the possibility of something more?
Ruby tugged at her hair in frustration, the golden strands slipping through her fingers like strands of silk. "Gods, why did I say that?" she muttered to herself. "I'm so stupid."
Turning back towards Astarion, she caught the flicker of fear in his eyes, a mirror reflecting her own uncertainty and vulnerability. It was a stark reminder of the weight of her words, of the power they held to unravel the delicate balance between them.
"Just forget I said anything," she implored, her voice softening with resignation. "I didn't mean it." She wrapped her arms around herself, hugging her body tightly as if seeking solace in the warmth of her own embrace.
But as Astarion watched her retreat into herself, a pang of empathy pierced through the armor of indifference he had spent centuries constructing. It almost hurt him to see her this way – curled into herself in embarrassment, her spirit dampened by the weight of her own insecurities.
In that moment, he longed to reach out to her, to offer her the comfort and reassurance she so desperately needed. But he hesitated, the fear of vulnerability clawing at the edges of his consciousness. For to acknowledge her confession was to confront the unsettling truth that perhaps, just perhaps, he wasn't as immune to love as he had once believed.
"Yes, you did," he finally admitted softly. "I can hear it, you know. The way your usually quiet heart is now pounding against your chest." As he approached her, Ruby found herself unable to tear her gaze away from him, her eyes locking with his in a silent exchange of understanding and unspoken truths. "I just don't understand why."
For a moment, the dhampir hesitated, her own emotions pressing down upon her like a leaden weight. But as she met his gaze, she found the courage to speak the words that had long lingered unspoken in the recesses of her heart.
"You're not as bad of a person as you think you are, Astarion," she murmured, her voice filled with a quiet conviction. "You deserve happiness. You deserve to be loved. You are loved by everyone here."
Their gazes remained locked in a silent exchange. And in that fleeting moment, Ruby saw beyond the facade of the vampire spawn before her, glimpsing the fragile heart that beat beneath the surface.
Taking a deep breath to steady herself, she extended a shaky hand towards him, an offering of solidarity and support. He hesitated, his reluctance palpable in the air between them, before finally yielding to her touch.
"You're bruised, but you're not broken," she reassured him, her voice a whisper against the backdrop of the night.
In the stillness of the moment, Astarion found himself acutely aware of the proximity between them, the space between their bodies narrowing until it seemed to vanish altogether. Her shaky breaths brushed against his lips like a whispered caress, each exhale stirring something primal within him that he struggled to contain.
As the tension crackled in the air between them, a single tear traced a silent path down Ruby's cheek, glistening like a diamond in the moonlight. It was a tangible reminder of the fragility of their shared moment, a testament to the depth of emotion that simmered beneath the surface.
Without conscious thought, Astarion moved closer, his undead heart pounding in rhythm with the rapid beat of hers. And then, in one swift movement, he closed the distance between them, capturing her trembling lips with his own.
In that fleeting moment, time seemed to stand still, the world around them fading into obscurity as they surrendered to the intoxicating pull of desire. Their lips moved in a dance as old as time itself, a symphony of passion and longing that echoed through the depths of their souls.
And as a tear fell from Ruby's eye, slipping between their parted lips like a bittersweet confession, Astarion felt something within him shift. It was as if the barriers he had spent centuries constructing had finally crumbled, leaving him vulnerable and exposed before her.
In the quiet depths of the night, as he surrendered himself to the tender embrace of her kiss, he knew that he would never be the same again.