Chapter 48
Uijeongbu Korea; February 26th; 1953
"Klinger, Ellie Marie….Klinger, Ellie Marie….Klinger, Ellie Marie. You think maybe you could remind my mother and sister that Klinger, Maxwell Q., who is their blood relative, also lives in this camp?" Klinger handed Ellie Marie her pile of letters as he continued sorting through the mail on his desk.
"Aww come on. You know you love how well I get along with your Mom and sister…" She countered.
"Yeah….I do." He said with a smile, leaning over and kissing her.
She hopped up to sit cross legged on his desk and ripped open the letter from his mother.
"I don't believe it…." She said, pulling out several colorful strips of paper, "more paint samples. I've told her at least four times not to stress herself out about re-doing the house for us when we get back, but she keeps saying she wants me to feel at home."
"I think it's sweet." Klinger said, "She's so excited to make you feel like a part of the family."
"It is sweet." Ellie Marie agreed, "I just feel bad that they're spending all this money to update everything when I'll love it however it looks. It's your home, and your home is my home as long as you're in it." Klinger smirked.
"You're the best, you know that?" He said, "I like you and I love you."
"Same to you husband." She said, winking at him before returning to her letter.
"So what room is she redecorating now?" He asked.
"The kitchen. She finished our room last week. She wants to know which color I like best for the cabinets."
"Well last time I was there they were green." Klinger said as he continued to sort mail, "After almost three years in the army, I've seen enough green to last me a lifetime. What's the opposite of green?"
"Red….but I'm not sure that's an ideal cabinet color. How about a nice sunshine yellow?" She held up the card, "Reminds me of the walls in our tent."
"Yeah…I like it." Klinger agreed, "It'd be like having a little piece of what was good over here back there…Oh hey! You got one more piece of mail, this one's from the U.S. Army." He held it out to her, "Maybe it's your draft notice." He teased, and she rolled her eyes as she grabbed the manilla envelope from his hand.
It was thick and slightly heavier than a normal letter, so she shook it and it rattled.
"Oh my gosh! I know what this is!" She said excitedly, ripping open the package.
"What's that?" Klinger said curiously. She tipped the package and dumped its contents into her hand, holding the chain up proudly.
"My new dog tags and nameplate!"
She quickly pulled the nameplate that identified her as Captain Lennox off the pocket of her coat and pinned the one that said Captain Klinger in its place. She pulled her dog tags off of her neck and replaced them as well, and then looked up at her husband and grinned.
"It's officially, official now Sergeant." She teased, "I'm wearing your name and everything. How's it look?"
"Absolutely perfect." Klinger said, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her. "How's it feel?"
"Like it's how it was always supposed to be." She said with a smile.
"Hello Klingers." Colonel Potter said, as he walked in from the compound.
"Morning Colonel." Ellie Marie replied.
"I see the mail has arrived." He commented, noting the piles on Klinger's desk, "Anything from Hannibal Missouri?"
"Yes sir. Just give me one more second and I'll provide you with your latest samples of what the well dressed stamp is wearing this year." Klinger said, continuing to sort.
"Speaking of mail….notice anything different Colonel?" Ellie Marie asked, proudly displaying her new nameplate. Colonel Potter gave her a quick once over and when his eye found it he smiled appreciatively.
"I see you got your new I.D. tags in Mrs. Klinger." He said, "Congratulations. That's always a special day. I remember the first time Mildred and I went to Sunday service and her name was listed in the choir bulletin as Mildred Potter, I was tickled pink."
"Alright Colonel, here you go. One letter from Mrs. Mildred Potter herself." Klinger said, spinning in his chair and handing it to him.
"What about that other one?" The Colonel asked, pointing to the desk.
"What other one?"
"That one there!" He pointed again, "It's got Mildred's handwriting on it. She always uses that old fountain pen that makes everything look like it was written by a monk."
"This one?" Klinger held it up.
"Yes that one! Give it here!" Colonel Potter said, holding his hand out.
"No dice Colonel. This is for Captain Pierce."
"Pierce? It's got a Hannibal postmark on it! It's even the stationary Mildred bought at the Sisters of Mercy tag sale last year! Let me see that…" The Colonel moved forward, but Klinger yanked the letter back.
"Sorry sir. Not unless you've got some I.D. that says you're Captain Pierce." He replied.
"I've got an outdated I.D. that could make you Captain Lennox, but that doesn't really help you much." Ellie Marie teased.
Behind the Colonel, the doors from the compound opened again and two men that Ellie Marie didn't recognize walked in.
"We're looking for Colonel Potter." The younger man with the Lieutenant's bars said, "we heard his office was in here."
"Well you found him." Colonel Potter said, stepping forward and offering his hand, "Colonel Sherman Potter at your service. And who might you men be?"
"Hello Colonel. I'm Lieutenant Pavelich." The man said, shaking the Colonel's hand, "This is Sergeant Lally." The second man offered his hand to the Colonel as well.
"Pleased to meet you both." Colonel Potter said, "what brings you boys to our duchy?
"Well sir, we've had reports of infiltrators in this sector so we'll be patrolling the Kwantu Pass for several days." Pavelich explained.
"You can never have too many cops on the beat." The Colonel agreed, nodding, "Why don't you come into my office and we'll go over your map. There are a couple of roads up there that could send a young jeep into retirement." Pavelich laughed.
"Well I'd appreciate that sir." He said.
"You look pretty young yourself. How long have you had that bar?" Colonel Potter asked.
"Two months sir."
"Holy Joe! What are you doing this close to the front? Don't they usually start you boys off in the kid gloves battalion?"
"Well….they offered me a desk job in Paris." Pavelich explained, "but I asked to go someplace where I could get my hands dirty."
"Good for you!" The Colonel said, patting him on the shoulder.
"Oh, uh Sergeant?" Pavelich turned back to his comrade, "What do you think the men would say to a nice hot meal?"
"Great idea sir. Might be the last one we get for a while." Sergeant Lally agreed, tipping his hat to Pavelich.
"This way Lieutenant." Colonel Potter said, opening his office door and escorting Pavelich inside.
"So that guy actually turned down a job in Paris?" Klinger said incredulously, "I'd give my Left Bank to go there…"
"You heard him….he wanted to be somewhere he could do the most good." Ellie Marie pointed out.
"Don't mind her…." Klinger said to Sergeant Lally, "she's the same kind of nut job, she left a cushy station in Tokyo to sluff it out here in the mud." The Sergeant laughed appreciatively.
"And he's no spoiled kid either." Sergeant Lally said, the admiration clear in his voice, "Most of these hot shots come up barkin' orders. Not that kid. He takes good care of us, and we take good care of him."
"That's nice…." Ellie Marie said with a smile, "I love hearing stories like that. You hear so many about the obnoxious hot shots who don't know their own behinds from a howitzer and end up getting their men killed, like you said. It's refreshing to hear about a good one."
"Yes Ma'am." The Sergeant said with a smile, "now if it's not too much trouble, would you mind directing me and our boys outside to your mess tent?"
"I'd be happy to." Klinger said, hopping up and shoving the mail back in the bag, "I was just headed out to do mail call anyway. You coming G?"
"Are you kidding?" She said, immediately jumping off the desk, "Like I'd miss finding out what that letter from Mrs. Potter to Hawkeye is about??"
————
"Come on already! It's not everyday you get a letter from the boss's wife!" B.J. said.
"Yeah! What's she say?" Ellie Marie added.
They were sitting in the Swamp waiting rather impatiently as Hawkeye scanned his letter.
"I'm reading as fast as I can!" He retorted, "Last time I saw handwriting like this was on my diploma."
"It'd go faster if you moved your lips." Charles quipped, and Hawkeye pulled a face at him before returning to the letter and grinning.
"Awww…how about that?" He said affectionately, "She scrimped and saved and paid off the mortgage on their home six months early."
"Oh that's amazing!" Ellie Maire said.
"Listen to this." Hawkeye said with a smile, "I've been setting aside my egg money each month. One day I checked the bank book, and lo and behold I had enough to buy the whole hen house!" They all chuckled.
"That's definitely Mrs. Potter." Klinger said.
"I'm enclosing the mortgage." Hawkeye continued, "and would like you, and everyone who's close to Sherman to give him a surprise mortgage burning party."
"Aww…..that's swell." B.J. said with a grin.
"I'm sorry I can't be there with you, but tell Sherman that while you're burning the mortgage, I'll burn the free calendar the bank sent us." Hawkeye finished, and they all laughed appreciatively.
"So when's the fire?" Klinger asked.
"Well listen…you know this could take a while." Hawkeye said, "We gotta find a caterer and make place cards…."
"Pierce!" Colonel Potter opened the tent door, making them all jump, "Did you get a letter from my missus?"
"Well…uh. I don't know." Hawkeye said, sliding it casually under his pillow, "I got a letter from A Mildred Potter…"
"There's only one in Hannibal that writes like a monk." Colonel Potter said pointedly, "Now look, if something's wrong I wanna know about it!"
"No no….there's nothing wrong Colonel." Hawkeye assured him.
"As a matter of fact, you're gonna like it." Klinger added with a wink.
"Really?" Colonel Potter glared around the room at each of their smiling faces, "So what you're saying is, there's now a room full of total strangers sharing secrets with my wife and I'm supposed to be tickled pink!?"
"Alright Colonel…." Hawkeye said placatingly, "I'll tell you what she said. She said, 'don't tell Sherman.'"
"And she outranks us by marriage." Ellie Marie pointed out.
"Okay….." The Colonel said, clearly irritated, "I can see I'm not going to get anywhere here without truth serum. If you folks don't want to tell me….I guess there's nothing I can do. I'll be shoving off." He shot them one more glare before leaving the tent and stalking back towards the main building.
"We'd better have this party before it kills him…" Hawkeye muttered.
A few hours later the entire senior staff, minus the Colonel had reconvened in the Swamp.
"There you go Father." Margaret said, tossing a dollar bill into the helmet he was holding.
" and here's two more!" Ellie Marie said, putting in two of her own.
"Oh thank you!" He replied.
"Okay Father, how much did we take in?" Hawkeye asked.
"Twenty seven dollars… that's the most I've ever raised in one collection!"
"Ok…you buy the present Father. I'll buy the booze." Hawkeye said, dividing the money between them.
"I think a party with a theme would be really cute." Margaret said, and Charles sighed and rolled his eyes.
"Must we?" He said flatly, "Can't we just hand the poor man the mortgage, let him ignite it and go about our business?"
"There's an exciting theme; apathy." Hawkeye muttered, as he sorted the cash.
"Aww come on Charles," B.J. said, "Didn't your parents do something special when they got their first house?"
"Yes they did." Charles replied, "They fired the entire staff."
"I got it!" Klinger said excitedly, "The Potter's bought their house in the 30s right? Suppose we all dress up as Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers?" He winked at Ellie Marie who grinned back.
"Why not dress up as stock brokers and jump out of the window instead…" Charles murmured.
"How about this?" Ellie Marie said, ignoring him, "Let's have the party in the Colonel's tent, and the theme will be 'home away from home.'"
"Hey…that's not bad." Hawkeye said.
"For decoration we could make a little white picket fence." B.j. suggested.
"Of course it won't be complete without a pink flamingo on the lawn…" Charles said with another eye roll.
"Congratulations! B.J. and Charles, you're the fix up committee." Hawkeye said.
"Oh can't we just hire a decorator?" Charles whined.
"On second thought….Ellie you're foreman." said Hawkeye, "make sure they actually get work done."
"You can count on me boss." She said, giving him a salute.
"Now we're going to have to keep Colonel Potter out of his tent until they're through." Hawkeye continued.
"I'll handle that." Margaret said quickly.
"No offense Major….but that's going to require sneakiness and dishonesty." Klinger pointed out with a smirk. Margaret turned to him and crossed her arms, raising her eyebrows expectantly.
"So I'll be your technical advisor." Klinger finished.
"Yeah that's what I thought." She said, shooting him a wry smile.
"Fine. You two are the distractions committee." Hawkeye agreed.
"Wait a minute." Ellie Marie said, "If we're going to be decorating the colonel's tent, and they're going to be keeping him away from it, we're going to need a go between."
"I'm good at that." Father Mulcahy piped up, "It's sort of what I do for a living…."
"Great. We've all got out assignments, so we'll reconvene at 1800 hours. And remember!" Hawkeye stood up dramatically, "The fate of the free world rests in your hands!"
"Oh cut it out…." Margaret said with a sigh.
"We will now leave one by one in order of departure!" Hawkeye proclaimed.
"Are you ever going to take anything seriously in your life?" Maragret asked.
"Why would I? Serious is boring." He retorted.
———-
"Alright….three boxes of tongue depressors and six rolls of gauze." Klinger marked it down on the clipboard, "anything else you plan on borrowing Captain Klinger?" He grinned as he looked at her nameplate again.
"You're not getting over that anytime soon are you?" She teased.
"I can't help it." He said, "everytime I see it on your jacket it makes me giddy as a kid at Christmas all over again." She smiled, and turned from the supply rack to give him a kiss.
"Me too." She said, "and as far as the supplies are concerned I'm going to need one of those sheets and some paints as well."
"You got it." He replied, marking them on the list. The door in the outer office slammed open loudly, and they both jumped moving to see who was making all the noise. Colonel Potter was storming into his office.
"Colonel? Is everything ok?" Ellie Maire asked.
"No Captain! It isn't!" Colonel Potter snapped angrily, "You see I've cracked the code on your little secret with my missus, and your hubby there missed the mark when he said I'd be happy about it!! I've told that woman a dozen times over! I DON'T WANT TO LIVE ON A DAMN HOUSE BOAT!"
"A what…." Klinger said in confusion.
"Just because every couple our age is moving to Florida doesn't mean we have to!" The Colonel confused ranting, "I told her no! By gum….if she went behind my back and did it anyway……Klinger!"
"Yes sir?!" Klinger said, jumping at being addressed .
"Get on that phone right now and send a telegram to the First National Bank of Hannibal Missouri! I want a run down of all holdings in my savings account pronto!"
"Yes sir….I'll get right on it." Klinger said, scurrying over to the desk. "But I gotta tell you Colonel the lines have been down on and off for the last few days so it may take a bit for them to get back to us."
"You just get it sent! And let me know when we get a response." The Colonel said hotly, and he stomped into his office and closed the door.
"Well at least we know he doesn't suspect us." Ellie Marie said as they stared at his closed door in shock.
"Holy Toledo…" Klinger muttered, as he sat down at the desk and dialed, "Who knew the Colonel has such strong opinions about house boats….Hello operator? Got a telegram to send."
———-
"Charles, will you stop moving! It's going to be crooked!" Ellie Marie snapped as they tacked the ends of the picket fence to the floor of Colonel Potter's tent.
"Sorry boss." He said dryly, "You know how hard it is to find skilled labor during war time."
"Okay, what do you think?" She asked B.J.
"Your talent is wasted in medicine." He said, "Your real talent is painting chocolate boxes."
"Ha ha." She shot back.
"Hello all! Ooo I'm sorry Major I didn't see you down there!" Father Mulcahy had come bustling in carrying a large tray and almost tripped over Charles.
"And you never will again…." Charles said austerely, standing up and moving to lean against the wall.
"Well…here's the cake." The Father set it down and they all ooo'd appreciatively.
"In keeping with the motif, I made it in the shape of a house." Father Mulchay explained, and Ellie Marie swatted B.J.s hand away as he reached to sample the icing.
"I wonder if I should go get the Colonel now." The Father continued, looking over his shoulder in concern, "I just passed by his office, and although Major Houlihan is keeping him busy with Plan A, it's obvious he's getting ants in his pants."
"We don't have the booze yet." Ellie Marie said, "Give us another ten minutes."
Hawkeye stuck his head in the door.
"How's it going in here, team?" He asked, "Hey, it looks great!"
"We're all good boss." Ellie Marie said, "Just waiting on you to bring the libations."
"I'm headed down to get them now." Hawkeye replied, "This is so exciting! Many's the time I've surprised someone in their tent, but never a man."
The sound of a jeep braking in the compound made them all look up. A few of the men from the platoon they'd met earlier in the day were sitting in the back of it. Hawkeye, and Ellie ran over to them.
"What up guys?" Hawkeye asked, "Snipers on a break?"
"Wish they were…" Sergeant Lally replied, "Lieutenant's been hit."
"It's nothing serious." Lieutenant Pavelich said from behind him, "I think it's just a flesh wound."
"Can't see much here…." Hawkeye said, lifting the back of his shirt, "We'll get you inside and shed some light on it. You good to assist?" He looked up at Ellie Marie, and she nodded.
"Need any help?" B.J. called from the door of Potter's tent.
"Nah, looks like 'See spot run' medicine." Hawkeye told him.
"Anything I can do?" Sergeant Lally asked.
"Yeah. Stick your head in that door and holler for a corpsman." Ellie Marie said, nodding towards the pre op, "Tell him to bring a board."
"Yes Ma'am." He said, jogging over to the door.
"Go ahead and get the booze. We'll catch up to you in about 15 minutes." Hawkeye said to B.J.
"And hold that party till we get there!" Ellie Maire added.
"We have to, Hawk's the only one who looks good in his lamp shade." B.J. quipped, as he walked off towards the Officers Club.
"Looks like you should have taken that job in Paris." Ellie Marie said, smiling at Pavelich as they started prepping him, "French snipers use champagne corks."
"Hey….I didn't want to say anything in front of the Sergeant." Pavelich said quietly, looking at them both, "When I got in the jeep I didn't think it was all that serious…but now I can't move my legs."
———
"Where's B.J.?" Ellie Marie said a half an hour later, as she and Hawkeye got back to Colonel Potter's tent.
"I believe he's still out in the yard whitewashing Becky Thatcher…." Charles sighed.
"Oh dear…." Father Mulcahy said, coming up next to Ellie Marie and Hawkeye, "Klinger and Major Houlihan are halfway through Plan B. We can't keep stalling the colonel forever."
"Good people…I realize that anticipation is half the fun, but I've already had more than my share." Charles said tiredly, "If it's all the same to you, I'm going to start making whoopee a cappella." He grabbed one of the bottles of whiskey B.J. had apparently brought over and popped the top off.
Another jeep pulled in behind them.
"We need a doctor here!" A voice called.
"I've got it Charles…You're having too good a time." Hawkeye said, as he and Ellie ran back out.
"We got our sniper." One of the soldiers said, pulling the wounded man out of the jeep, "How's Lieutenant Pavelich?"
"He was holding his own when he came in." Hawkeye said, examining the prisoner.
"Since you're in the neighborhood you can pay him a visit." Ellie Marie suggested.
"Alright this isn't serious." Hawkeye said, "I can take care of it."
"How long will you be Hawk?" She asked.
"Just a few minutes." He answered, "don't start without me!"
"Oh dear…" Father Mulcahy murmured, "We better start Plan C…"
"I'll let them know Father," Ellie Marie said, "I want to go make sure Pavelich got settled in Post Op, his surgery was a little more complicated than we first expected."
"Oh dear….I thought Captain Pierce said it was just a flesh wound." Father Mulcahy said.
"That's what we thought but it turned out he couldn't move his legs."
"Hey Captain." Sergeant Lally walked over with the Corporal, "If you're talking about the Lieutenant we'd like to know what's going on."
"We just had to do a little extra surgery, that's all." Ellie Marie explained.
"For what? He said he felt fine." Sergeant Lally asked.
"Well sometimes you have to get a second opinion."
"Ma'am….all due respect, but what you're saying doesn't add up. And if something's wrong with that kid, I wanna know."
Ellie Marie sighed.
"Look….chances are he's going to be fine." She said, "but right now he's lost function in his legs." The Sergeant took a step back and blinked rapidly, looking at her in shock.
"He's paralyzed?" He said weakly.
"No, not necessarily." Ellie Marie said quickly, "it could just be cord shock. We relieved the pressure from his spinal cord, and if that's what it is it should go away in a few hours."
"But what if that's not what it is?" The Sergeant asked sharply.
"Just sit tight Sergeant." She said gently, "I promise we'll keep you posted."
Ellie Marie walked up towards the main office and poked her head through the door. Margaret was sitting at Klinger's desk crumpling a piece of carbon over the mouthpiece of the phone and Klinger was hovering behind her.
"I'm sorry sir…..the line is still busy…." Margaret said in a high pitched nasally voice, "would you like to hold the line and I'll place the call again in a few minutes?" When Klinger looked up and saw her standing there he ran over to her looking frazzled.
"Please tell me you're here to tell us things are ready to go baby." He said, "because we've been running this gag for almost a half hour and he's not going to take it much longer."
"We ran into some issues…namely meaning patients. Hawkeye's finishing up the last one now." She explained.
"He just did." Klinger said, "They wheeled the Korean guy through to Post Op just before you came in."
"Perfect!" said Ellie Marie happily, "let me go check with Hawk and then we should be ready to go."
"Good, cuz I don't think we could keep this going for even another five minutes."
As if on cue Colonel Potter came bursting out of his office. Margaret quickly dropped the phone and stood up, but fortunately his attention was focused on Klinger and he didn't even notice her.
"Klinger this operator is a mental midget!" He barked angrily, "Slow as a summertime hound dog, with the voice of a rusty chainsaw! Now you get on the horn with her, and if by some miracle she stumbles onto Mildred Potter, you let me know."
"You got it sir." Klinger said, walking back to his desk.
"What are you doing here?" Colonel Potter asked, noticing Margaret for the first time. She jumped.
"Wha? Oh…I uh…wanted to type up the new system, so I came in for carbon paper. Mine's all crumpled." She held up the sheet in her hand.
"Fine…." The Colonel said, heading for the door.
"Where are you going?" They said in unison.
"To my tent…." The Colonel said tiredly.
"You can't sir!" Klinger said.
"Klinger…..you won't be lonely now. Major Houlihan and your wife are here…I've gotta try and relax." Colonel Potter replied.
"Sir you can't relax now!" Margaret said quickly.
"Why not?"
"Because it's not good for you! At a time like this you need to release some of that anger and frustration by doing something physical."
"Like what?"
"I've got just the thing." She grabbed his arm and spun him around, and out the door.
"Ok, let me go check in with Hawkeye and I'm sure we'll be down in just a minute." Ellie Marie said to Klinger.
"You better be." He replied, "Because Father Mulcahy's heavy bag is Plan C, and there's no Plan D!" She kissed him quickly.
"You head over to the Colonel's tent and we'll meet you there."
Ellie Marie walked through the doors of the Post Op and stopped dead in her tracks. Sergeant Lally was standing in the middle of the room with his hand gun pointed directly at the head of the North Korean sniper in his bed.
"What the hell are you doing!?" She yelled, moving forward but Hawkeye grabbed her arm to hold her back.
"My job!" The Sergeant said, "If the Lieutenant doesn't walk out of here, neither does he." He pulled back the hammer on his gun, cocking it in place.
"Are you insane? That's murder!" Hawkeye snapped.
"If I'd had better aim the first time it wouldn't have been murder." Lally retorted, "This is war isn't it?"
"Not in here!" Ellie Maire said pointedly.
"My lieutenant's been shot!" Lally shouted, "and you're protecting the guy that did it!"
"Sergeant…." They all looked down quickly to where Pavelich was laying, he opened his eyes groggily. "Put your gun away…" He murmured, "killing him isn't gonna help me walk again….put your gun away."
Sergeant Lally looked down at him, his face full of conflict and indecision. Pavelich gave him a slow half smile.
"Don't make me pull rank…." He said sleepily, as his eyes slid closed again.
Lally uncocked his gun and lowered it slowly, dropping his gaze to his feet.
"You do everything you can for him." He said quietly, and he walked out the door without looking back.
"Well…nothing like a near death experience to liven up our evening." Hawkeye said, letting out a shaky breath, "shall we head on over to our previous engagement before our beloved commander blows his top?"
"Yes please!" Ellie Marie agreed.
"Kelly….keep an eye on Pavelich and let us know if anything changes." Hawkeye said.
"Yes Dr." Kelly replied with a nod.
—————
"Charles, you're standing on my foot!" Ellie Marie whispered fiercely.
"I am not, you are standing under mine." Charles replied with a slight giggle.
"I can't believe you let him break into the booze early!" She shot at B.J.
"Hey, since when am I my Major's keeper?" He shot back.
"Be quiet both of you!" Hawkeye muttered, "I hear them coming!"
"But Colonel the operator said that call could come through any minute!" They heard Klinger say desperately.
"Then you get in there and sit on that phone!" Colonel Potter snapped, "Now if you'll excuse me, I am going into my tent! Which is after all, my home. The only one I have that DOESN'T FLOAT!"
"SURPRISE!!" They all yelled as he walked in and jumped.
"Surprise what?" He said, looking around in confusion.
"Surprise this!" Hawkeye held up the mortgage, "You are the proud owner of your own house!"
"And not the one with the anchor." Klinger said over his shoulder.
"My mortgage…."Colonel Potter said slowly, reaching out and taking it from Hawkeye, "Mildred sent this to you?"
"Well I guess the cat's out of the bag now." Hawkeye said with a grin.
"Paid in full!" Colonel Potter exclaimed, as he read it, "How on earth did she do it six months early?"
"I believe she wrote in her letter that she saved the egg money." Charles piped up from the corner.
"Well I'll be." The Colonel said fondly, as Ellie Marie and B.J. began to pass around glasses of scotch for everyone, "and to think I got nervous when Mildred opened a charge account at the pharmacy." They all chuckled.
"Would you look at what you folks did!" The Colonel said, fully taking in the decorations for the first time. "It's almost like the real thing."
"We wanted it to look just like the Potter house." Ellie Marie said.
"Well….to tell you the truth….it doesn't" The Colonel said with a smirk, and she laughed. He walked over and put his hand on top of one of the picket fence posts they'd lined the room with. "Mildred's been after me for years to build one of these." He said, "But I like a fence you can sit on without getting your carcass perforated."
Father Mulcahy unveiled the cake, and the Colonel gave another gasp of surprise.
"If you folks don't beat all…" He said, shaking his head.
"Colonel on behalf of those of us that are assembled." Hawkeye began, but as he did Charles lost his balance and almost slipped from where he was perched on the edge of the desk, "….and those of us who are falling apart." He added with an eye roll.
"We'd like to present you with something to keep the home fires burning." He pulled out the silver engraved lighter they'd gotten him as a gift.
"Also suitable for cigars, cigarettes, and tax returns." B.J. quipped.
"Oh gosh…Thanks." Colonel Potter said, taking it from Hawkeye.
"It was all Mildred's idea." Margaret said.
"That sweet petunia…" Colonel Potter said quietly, looking down at the lighter, "You know she was the one who wanted to buy a house in the first place. I said, 'What for? There's some fine housing for rent right here on base?' But she said she was tired of living like a gypsy. Wanted a place she could put a nail anywhere she liked. Well…took us twenty years…" He cleared his throat, "but we got it. Thanks Mildred. If anyone says there's a sweeter woman in the world, I wouldn't believe them for a minute."
Ellie Marie quickly brushed a tear as it threatened to fall from her eye, and Klinger wrapped his arms around her from behind pulling her close and kissing her temple. Charles stood up shakily and took a step towards the Colonel.
"That….is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard in my life!" He said, his voice thick with emotion.
"Ok there Chuck….." B.J said, letting Charles put his head down on his shoulder as he patted his back consolingly.
Colonel Potter flicked the lighter and set it to the corner of his mortgage and they all cheered as it went up in flames.
——-
"You know Colonel…." Ellie Marie said a little while later, and she giggled slightly, the scotch was definitely getting to her, "I still don't see why you were so bent out of shape about the houseboat. I think they sound kind of fun. Once I start making the big bucks as a psychiatrist, I think I might get one. What do you say doll face? Wanna have a houseboat as a vacation home?"
"Anchors away gorgeous!" Klinger murmured from his spot at Colonel Potter's small table raising his cup in the air.
"You're going to live in Ohio." Hawkeye pointed out, "it's in the middle of the country! Where are you gonna use a houseboat?"
"You're forgetting Lake Erie my friend." Ellie Marie said, "all the perks of an ocean with the added bonus of no salt water, and no sharks, and it happens to be just a few hours from Toledo."
"God she's so smart…." Klinger said admiringly, shaking his head. "She's amazing."
"No arguments here." Hawkeye said with a smile.
"Well Colonel….." Charles said, standing up slowly and wobbling, "I believe it is time for me to say goodnight. And congra—mmm—uations." He slurred, heading for the door.
"We'd better make sure he makes it home safely." B.J. said, standing up along with Hawkeye.
"What do you say we do this again in 20 years?" Hawkeye asked.
"Let's make it 19." B.J. said, "That's when mine's paid off. Unless you got a letter from Peg?" He gave Hawkeye a hopeful look, and they all laughed.
"I guess we'll head out too." Ellie Marie said standing up.
"Ellie…Margaret….thanks for everything." Colonel Potter said, giving them each a one armed hug. "good night all… oh and Klinger?" Klinger stopped halfway out the door and looked back at him. "First thing in the morning, place a call to Mildred for me? A real one this time." Klinger gave him a warm smile.
"Consider it dialed sir."
"Goodnight son."
"So you ever think about when we'll finally own our first home?" Klinger asked, slipping an arm around Ellie Marie as they walked back towards their tent.
"Well we have to buy it from your parents and convince your Mom to stop redecorating every inch of it first." She said with a laugh.
"Yeah I guess that's true." He agreed. "I can't wait though….I always knew I wanted to buy my folks home and raise my kids there someday, but getting to do it with you Mrs. Klinger?" He smiled at her, "well that makes me feel like the luckiest damn man on the planet." She leaned over to kiss him, as they walked up the pathway to their front door.