Perpetually punctual, Dr. Alicia Kennedy was already in her office at her desk at 6:30 am, as usual. Deep in concentration, she was reviewing electronic health records, preparing for her patients scheduled for that day and analyzing lab results posted the night before. Very cerebral, overly organized, and compassionate to the core, she dedicated herself, her waking hours, to the practice of medicine, to her patients and little else. With one or two exceptions.
Almost on cue, her cell phone rang.
"Morning. Still available at noon?" She answered without taking her eyes off her monitor.
"Of course. You?" The caller responded.
"I wouldn't miss it."
"Good. See you then."
She ended the call, the way she started it, her eyes glued the monitor and Mrs. Johnson's records. She ordered a CBC panel and a bone density test for the elderly woman then closed the record.
Completing her prep work, she ran her hand across the smooth, cool leather inlay of her desk, the very same simple mahogany desk her father used in his own medical practice. He came to mind, her beloved father, sifting through mounts of paper, patient charts stacked in neat piles on his desk for hours on end while she played doctor under it. Her mother called her his Dr. Mini Me. She smiled at her nickname.
He was her everything, her dad naturally, but also her mentor, advisor, sounding board, joy, heart, her reason. His massive stroke, specifically an ischemic stroke resulting from a cerebral venous thrombosis (CVT) in the frontal lobe of his brain, during her first year of medical school, took much of his memory, his mental capacity but spared his mobility, his speech. He was fortunate, he survived without being confined to wheelchair or institution but his mental deficits forced him to shutter his practice. Though she loved him with all of her heart, he was a changed man, one who often did not recognize her as his daughter.
Suddenly, her eyes turned watery, her throat tightened, her heart hurt. Grief grabbed her, sadness coursed through her veins, just for a few moments, just enough to relive her loss, to feel the pain.
Then she took back control of her feelings, her thoughts, just as her meditation coach advised. She closed her eyes, centered her breathing, inhaled deeply through her nose...one, two, three, four, five six. With equal measure, she exhaled through her mouth to a count of six. She repeated the exercise five times, until it passed.
Settled again, she took a sip from her coffee cup, almost spat it out as the cold, bitter coffee hit her tongue. With purpose, she strode into the break room, dumped the old brew down the drain and filled her cup with fresh. Though she respected most everything about Dr. Tricia Virani, her preceptor throughout her family medicine residency and now her partner, she did not think highly of her choice of coffee brands.
After taking a sip, she muttered to herself with certainty. "Tomorrow this junk goes." She chuckled, knowing that she would say the same thing tomorrow, the next day and the day after that. The bad coffee had become a joke shared between them.
In less than two weeks, Tricia was moving back to Vancouver, getting remarried, starting a new practice there. To Alicia, the prospect of running the Hudson practice by her lonesome, was at once, exciting and terrifying. They had been practicing together for almost four years. Through it all, Tricia had taught her, advised her, encouraged her, seen her through hundreds, if not thousands, routine and complex cases. Like the time the rancher came in, flung over the shoulder of his brother, both drenched in blood. A frisky steer gored him in the gut in an attempt to get to an estrous cow.
Tricia also arranged that her very first patient would be a softball, a young woman, about her age, scheduled for an annual wellness exam. Naturally, Alicia was nervous. Though she tried to be professional, thorough, confident as soon as the computer became cantankerous, uncooperative, she became flustered.
Fortunately, Amy Fleming was the perfect first. Despite the appointment extending to an hour and a half, she was kind, reassuring, responsive, patient. At end of her exam, Alicia was relieved, appreciative, handed Amy her business card.
"If you have any questions or need anything, here's my number. Call me any time." She extended the invitation to Amy, her very first patient. And, then to every patient after that.
Amy thanked her.
Surprising herself, Alicia went further, admitted. "Look. I am new in town. I don't really know any one in Hudson. Well, not counting my boss."
Picking up the cue, Amy offered. "I can show you around. It won't take long. Hudson isn't all that big."
"I'd like that. Thank you."
"Does today work? If you have time, we could have lunch after that. There's a new restaurant I have been dying to try."
So, that was the beginning of their weekly Monday lunch at the Roasted Beet Cafe. The two young professionals became fast friends, sharing similar values and beliefs, including their intense dedication to their work. Lunch after lunch, slowly each revealed a little more about themselves, their lives, successes, failures, loves, losses, their hopes for the future. They looked forward to Mondays, to their meeting, conversation, laughter, to expanding their friendship, their strengthening bond.
Housed on the first floor of a renovated downtown building well off Main street, the Roasted Beet Cafe was the antithesis of Maggie's. The long, narrow space was wrapped in wide plank wood floors, exposed brick walls, high coffered ceilings and only two windows facing the street, each flanking the wide front door. The decor was a mixture of modern and antique, minimal, soothing, calm. Plenty of space between tables. Quiet jazz with soulful words played in the background as to not stunt conversation but somehow to welcome it, encourage it, to hush its carry to other tables.
The Roasted Beet was a Farm to Table restaurant, its menu featuring foods, produce and ingredients grown locally, delivered fresh, and comprised mostly of vegan options. That Tim Fleming refused to set foot in the "Fruit Stand" as he called it, was added plus.
At one minute to noon, Alicia walked into the restaurant, spied Amy, already at their usual table tucked away the back corner. She waved.
"Hey Alicia. Right on time. I just got here."
"Hey there Amy." The best friends embraced, then took seats opposite each other.
"How goes your Monday?" Amy asked.
"Clinic was good. Mostly routine stuff." She responded.
"Routine is always good for a Monday morning."
"Yeah. Thankfully." She sighed heavily.
"So. What's with the heavy sigh?"
"I had a momentarily lapse into the Dad Zone before clinic, but it passed." She said without much emotion.
"Alicia. I am sorry. What happened?"
"Nothing happened, really. The leather inlay on my desk, Dad's desk. Reminded me. That's all."
"It's the smallest things. Isn't it?"
"Yeah. It usually is..."
"My mom's picture with Pegasus, her leather fringed jacket, or just wild asters. Those always reminded me of mom. Makes me miss her."
"I know what you mean. I miss dad. I just wish I could talk to him. You know, about Tricia leaving, flying solo, about anything." Alicia sighed. "I miss him. The old dad."
"Of course you do. But Alicia, you are a gifted physician. You will do fine on your own. I have no doubt." She added. "You shouldn't either."
"Thank you. That means a lot." She took a sip of water. "Tricia assured me too. It helps that I can call her any time. Oh. Did I tell you that Simmons Practice has offered back me up if I need to be away?"
"That's good. That means that we can take a vacation together." Amy said sarcastically.
"Yeah. Like all the other Caribbean vacations we've taken." Alicia smirked.
Amy tried hard not to choke when she laughed.
"And, your Monday morning?"
"Scott brought us a new horse, a bay named Calpurnia. She was found abandoned by a real estate agent at some foreclosed ranch."
"That's horrible."
"Yeah. But. She's in pretty good shape given her ordeal. A little skinny, a little skittish. I think we can help her."
"I am certain that you'll heal her. You are incredible with horses."
"We'll see." Amy nodded.
"So. How was the tour of university yesterday?" The corner of Amy's lip upturned while her brow furrowed ever so slightly. "Oh I see that look. Okay. What happened?"
She smiled. "You know me too well."
The young restaurant owner approached. "Hey Alicia, Amy."
In unison, the two returned his greeting. "Hey Samuel."
Amy added. "How are you?"
"Can't complain." He answered the question the same way every time. "So. What can I get you two ladies today?" He pulled out his server book, pen poised.
Alicia ordered first. "I'll have a grilled mozzarella, tomato and avocado panini. What's your soup of the day?"
"Broccoli and tomato basil."
"Yum. And a cup of tomato basil. Please." She closed her menu, put it in its holder.
"Amy?"
"Veggie burger and fries. The sweet potato ones."
"So the usual. Very good. And, to drink?"
"Just water for me."
"Ditto. Thanks." Samuel nodded, then walked into the kitchen in the back of the restaurant to place their order.
Alicia leaned in, not wasting any time. "Okay. Now tell me about yesterday."
"Well. I decided. I am going to enroll at UC! Part time in the evening. Next semester. I already picked the courses." Amy grinned.
"Oh Amy. That is great. Congratulations." Alicia squealed, returned her smile. "I am so happy for you."
"Thanks! I am pretty happy about it too. But, it's just one semester."
"So, tell me more."
"I did a self guided tour, both the business and vet schools. I am thinking about a combined pre-vet and business degree focusing on Equine health, behavior and management. Coincidentally, I even met one of my professors. He teaches the Equine Behaviors and Nutrition course that I plan to take."
"Well. That's a crazy coincidence. How did that come about?"
She sighed. "Yeah, well that...um. Blue broke down outside of the campus gates."
"Oh no!" She said laughingly, trying to mask her worry about Amy's safety. Truth be old, Alicia knew that Blue was completely unreliable. But, she also knew that Amy didn't take kindly to disparaging remarks about her beloved truck. So she didn't dare voice her worries or chastise.
"Yeah. Fortunately, this professor stopped to help."
Samual brought their food, on simple white plates, pleasingly arranged with fresh fruit on the side. "Any thing else?" He asked.
"Nope. Everything looks so good Samuel. Thanks."
They each dove into their food, with sounds of Mmms and Ahhs.
Alicia spoke first. "So. This professor must have been awful persuasive about UC. I thought you were going to check out University of Montreal first."
Amy didn't respond.
From the look on Amy's face, Alicia read that she wasn't ready to talk about that. "Never mind that. So did you talked about the vet school or the combined degree?"
"A little." Amy's voice trailed off.
"Amy. You are being awful evasive. Come on. Tell me." She asked pointedly.
Amy hesitated, then gave in. "Okay. Michael Barnes. That's the professor. He stopped because he recognized Blue."
"Really? He recognized Blue?"
"Yeah. As it turns out, he is a vet. And...he was in school with Ty. They were lab and study partners. They still keep in touch. Ty's in Vancouver."
"Oh my god! Amy!"
"I know, right?"
"So. What did you do? What did you say?"
Amy shrugged, said truthfully. "I asked him to say hello to Ty for me."
"You are kidding, right?" Alicia was aghast. She couldn't believe her ears and said so.
"No. I really did." Amy said quietly.
"Amy. After all that he put you through? His..." She stopped as she saw the discomfort in her friend's eyes. "Well, I must say. I am proud of you. That was very, very kind of you. Very mature."
"Ha. Except that my maturity didn't last."
"What do you mean? What did you do?"
"I spent the entire night reliving the whole saga of Ty and Ahmed, the tour, our breakup, getting back together. And. Nova Scotia. Blah, blah."
Alicia reached across the table, touched her friend's hand empathically.
"And. Get this. I even put on his stupid t-shirt, pulled out my box of our letters, and my rings. Everything. I couldn't seem to help myself." She wearily exhaled. "It was not particularly pretty. What's wrong with me?"
"Nothing. Amy. Don't be so hard on yourself. You had a natural reaction to an unexpected situation. You were blind sided, honestly. That brought up feelings and memories, probably both good and bad. It happens to the best of us."
"I guess." Amy said not very convincingly.
Alicia continued. "Like today. Me and Dad. Little, unexpected things dredge up stuff. It's hard and messy. But each time it happens, it gets easier to recover. It can be cathartic. Do you feel any better?"
"I don't know. Maybe?" She shrugged her shoulder, sighed. "Then, of course, right in the middle of all of that...that mess, Andrew called."
"Oh."
"I was horrible, Alicia. I just ignored It. I couldn't take his call in that state."
"You weren't horrible. You just needed some time, space. Again, don't be so hard on yourself."
"Yeah. I guess."
"So when will you tell him? About enrolling?"
"I called him this morning. I told him. So, he knows." Amy admitted.
"Oh boy. How did that go?"
"You know Andrew. He was supportive, kind, encouraging. He tried to act like he wasn't disappointed. We didn't talk very long. He had to get on the shuttle to the competition."
"So Bromont is out? Right?"
"Not necessarily. I am only applying to UC for this next semester. Andrew will be at the games in the states through the summer. So.." Amy explained.
"Amy. Come on."
"I know. I know." She rubbed her temples. "The thing is. And you know this. Andrew and I are very good together. We accomplished so much. We have fun. We are good for each other. I don't want things to change. I like things the way that they are."
"Yes, you are good together. Yes, you two make a great team and couple." She hesitated, then stated the obvious. "But. Amy. You said No."
"I know."
"And now you are enrolling at UC. And, you have essentially mapped out your degree, the next so many years at UC. That must say something to you."
"If only he would stay in Hudson." She said quietly.
"Is that it? Bromont vs Hudson. Really?"
"I don't know. I like what we have. Just the way it is." She admitted.
"Andrew is a good guy Amy. He loves you. You love him. But something is holding you back."
"I told Grandpa about Andrew proposing and my answer."
"Really?" Clearly surprised. "Thought you weren't going to tell him?"
"I know. But. Dad was hounding me at dinner about not going to London. About being a dull girl. That Andrew was an eligible bachelor. Blah blah. He always makes me feel like a kid, like I can't manage my life."
"A dull girl? Hardly."
"Yeah. All work and no play makes Amy a dull girl. Andrew deserves better than a dull girl."
"Ridiculous. Ignore him."
"Yeah. So grandpa and I talked after dinner. He said he knew that Andrew was going to proposed. That I was hesitating. He insinuated that I was comparing him to Ty."
"Are you?"
"Of course not. Ty and I were just stupid kids. We didn't know what we were doing. I hurt him, so he hurt me back. We moved on. There is no comparison."
"Okay. So. Are you planning on telling Jack the rest?"
"About Ty? Absolutely not. He doesn't need to know all that."
"Maybe he can better understand why you are hesitating."
"And why is that?"
"Ty hurt you. He broke your heart, he took advantage of your trust. It's really simple. You are scared to be hurt again. By Andrew or by any one."
Amy just shook her head, grew silent, focused on moving fries around on her plate.
"Look. Amy. Sorry. I am pushing hard today. You know I only want what's best for you. You are my best friend. And, I care deeply about you."
"I know." She said trying her best to smile. "So. Bestie. You still up for riding Saturday morning?"
"I am. Did I tell you that I found some boots, online?"
"Oh that's great. That should help you a lot."
"Hope so." She took a swallow of water. "Can we practice some Yoga too?"
"Sure. As long as we remember to bring some kind of blanket. Last time I got prickers in my butt."
They both laughed.
"Shoot. Look at the time." Amy signaled Samuel for their check.
After a long afternoon of work, Amy was sitting on Fairfield veranda, looking across the beautiful vista. But her mind, her thoughts were elsewhere, on lunch. Alicia always asked her hard questions, made her think, made her reflect, challenged her to see a different perspective.
"Mind if I join you?" Lisa peeked her head out the screen door.
"Please."
Lisa stepped out on the porch with a tray of glasses and a pitcher of fresh squeezed lemonade. "Lemonade?"
Amy nodded.
Lisa poured two glasses, handed one to her. "To the end of a productive day!"
"I will drink to that." They clinked their glasses. Amy took a sip. "Good."
"I saw Sprint trotting on the track today. She seems to be doing well."
"Yeah." She responded absently, her head clearly somewhere else.
Lisa looked closely at her, then tried a different tack. "And...I heard from Brian Holmes. His two horses will arrive Thursday."
"That's good." Again, responding without much thought.
"So. Hear from Andrew? How did he fare yesterday?"
"Yes. This morning. He's still in fourth. The team is in third." Amy answered.
"Amy. You seemed very distracted. Something on your mind?" Lisa asked gently.
"No. Not really. Just a long day."
"Understand." Lisa leaned back, closed her eyes and rocked, back and forth.
"I am going to skip dinner at the house tonight." Amy offered.
"Amy, don't let your dad get to you. He can be a real piece of work."
"It's not that. It's just that I am pretty tired. I didn't sleep well last night."
"Sorry. Were you thinking about UC? Excited about enrolling in school?"
"No. Not really."
"Look. Amy. If something is bothering you, and you want to talk. I am always here."
"I know. Lisa. Thanks. But, I'm good."
They fell into silence except for the rhythmic rocking sound of their chairs.
After several minutes, Amy stopped rocking. "Have you ever purposely not told someone something to spare their feelings?"
"Sure. All the time. Like not telling Sally Mae that her dress is hideous?"
"Yeah. I guess. But, more important."
"Hmm. Let's see." Lisa thought back over her life. "When I moved back to Fairfield, when dad was sick, I almost immediately felt I was where I belonged. Fairfield. That I was home. That I knew my marriage to Dan was coming to an end. But, I didn't tell him. For a while."
"Why?"
"I guess I wanted to be sure, to be certain, clear headed. I didn't want to hurt Dan's feelings needlessly, especially if my feelings were being driven by my dad's illness and passing."
"So what did you do?"
"After dad passed, I spent some time grieving, naturally, some time reflecting, some time planning my future. When it was clear that I no longer wanted to be married, Dan and I went to France and talked."
"How did he take it?"
"Well. Not well. He argued, tried to persuade me to change my mind. But, by that time, I knew my heart and was certain in my path forward."
Amy nodded.
"Are you holding something back from Andrew? Is that what this is about?"
"No. Not Andrew." She hesitated, then confessed. "It's grandpa."
"Jack?"
Dear readers. Another chapter for your reading pleasure. Let me know what you think.
SBR