A/N: Suffered from some writer's block with this one as I made the mistake of coming up with an idea for another chapter and started writing that instead. So now I have to make the leap from here to there without rushing it but also not letting it drag too much – I fear it's already dragging.
After this chapter the pace will pick up and time will move faster and Reid's suffering will lessen. I was going to end this story at Chapter 30, but this new idea has taken me so I'm no longer sure how long this story is going to be in total. It does mean there will be more angst and potential whump though. So that's always exciting.
Hope you enjoy.
Hotch closed his office door, finally deciding that the pile of files on his desk were not going to magically complete themselves by him continuing to listlessly stare at them. They could wait until morning.
The BAU offices were now empty. Dim lights cast shadows across the bull pen. It was a familiar sight to him, having worked way too many hours during his time as Unit Chief, but somehow tonight it felt lonelier than usual.
He stood on the mezzanine overlooking the desks of his team below, a feeling of sadness filled his chest.
"I'm tellin' you, this weekend, I don't wanna be seeing any phone calls." Morgan spoke animatedly across the desks. "I've waited a long time for this and I'm damn sure gonna enjoy it."
Prentiss smiled knowingly to JJ and Hotch who were leaning over the mezzanine.
"You hear that?"
JJ raised her eyebrows as if to say 'Good luck with that'.
"What are you doing this weekend?" Reid asked curiously, finally raising his attention from his paperwork.
Morgan leaned back confidently in his chair.
"Let's just call this Derek Morgan's Sin to Win weekend." He nodded, winking at Prentiss. "But the ladies will be winnin' and I'll be the one sinnin'."
The team groaned aside from Reid, who looked positively perplexed.
"Urgh, too much information." Prentiss feigned nausea with a small smirk.
The corners of Hotch's lips twitched upwards into a small smile.
Seeing Reid's puzzled expression, Rossi jumped in.
"Some things are better left unlearned, my friend."
Furrowing his brows, Reid seemed to accept this and stood to get himself a coffee.
"Disturbing weekend plans aside, it is nice to finally not be entering the weekend with an active case." Rossi continued from his position perched on the edge of a desk.
"Yeah, I might be able to actually take Henry to the zoo instead of having to settle for nature documentaries." JJ said with a sigh.
"And I can finally finish my book edits-"
"I could always swing you another ticket, Rossi. You know the ladies dig authors." Morgan stood, giving Rossi a nudge as he passed by him.
"Hard pass." Rossi responded dryly. "My days of sinning are firmly behind me."
"Aw, surely not, Dave." Prentiss with a disbelieving laugh.
"Minor transgressions are more my pace these days." He said with a look to Hotch making him break out into a smile.
"Well, I can tell you you're missing out." Morgan said, holding court over in the kitchen area.
"What about you, Reid?" Prentiss called over, he turned to listen, coffee in hand. "You fancy joining Morgan for a weekend of depravity and debauchery?"
His eyes nearly popped out of his head. Morgan looked horrified.
"Um… no thanks." He said, quickly dipping his head down to his coffee mug and taking a sip.
Morgan put his arm around his shoulders.
"See? This is why he's smart. He knows his limitations." Morgan said with a smirk. "But if you're not careful, Ms Prentiss, you may just earn yourself the position of wing woman."
"Ew…" She pulled her face at the rest of the group.
Morgan walked confidently over to the fridge with a smile.
The fridge wouldn't open.
"What the-"
He pulled it a couple more times, each time with more force. A look of confusion painted his features.
"What's wrong?" Rossi asked, with a curious smirk.
"The damn fridge is stuck." Morgan responded with furrowed brows. He examined the seal around the side, finding nothing out of the ordinary he tried it again, this time putting more weight behind it.
"What are you doing? Just pull it gently." Reid said like it was the most obvious solution in the world.
"I tried pulling it gently, Reid." He did it again with no success. "See?"
Reid placed his coffee down, his eyes slightly squinted as if there was a puzzle in front of him.
Morgan was still pulling at the door. Reid reached out.
"Let me-"
"Reid, seriously if I can't open it, then you-"
Reid pulled gently on the handle and the door opened. Morgan looked at it like it had spat at him.
The team all stifled their amusement.
"How the hell?" Morgan looked at Reid like he had done something impossible. Reid closed the door again and looked at him innocently.
"What? You're probably just pulling it too hard." He took a few steps back and picked up his coffee again.
"Okay." Morgan very gently tried the door again. It was sealed shut. "Now seriously, what the hell?" He turned and held his hands out to Reid as if he had the solution.
Furrowing his brows in confusion, he casually walked up and opened the door again without issue. He looked at Morgan like there was something wrong with him.
"Nah-uh." Morgan said, shaking his head.
The team were all confusedly grinning at each other now, clearly enjoying the impromptu pantomime.
"Are you alright?" Reid asked, concern crossing his features.
Morgan frustratedly examined the inside and the outside of the door, looking for some logical reason why the fridge would behave in such a strange manner. He very gently closed it again.
Reid then moved in next to him to give him guidance.
"Just gently, relax your hand-"
"Reid! I know how to open a door." He pulled again, no success.
"Are you sure?" Reid asked dryly.
The team burst out laughing.
"Don't overdo it there, Derek. You need all that testosterone for the weekend." Emily laughed.
Morgan was once again pulling violently at the door.
"Morgan, careful." Hotch said, not wanting him to cause any damage.
Reid looked down unable to contain a smirk, when he looked up, Rossi had caught it.
"This is just ridiculous!" Morgan exclaimed in frustration.
Rossi sauntered over to the kitchen area, crossing closely in front of Reid as he did so.
"Here, let me." He said, confidently.
Morgan stepped back holding his hands up.
"Be my guest."
He gently pulled at the door. It opened.
"You gotta be kidding me!" Morgan looked to the rest of the team almost looking for confirmation that he was in some alternate universe.
As baffled as they all were, they found it genuinely hilarious to see the usually unflappable Morgan, completely flummoxed by something so simple as a door.
"If you were smart, maybe you would know your limitations." Reid said smugly into his coffee mug, taking something of a victory sip.
Prentiss and JJ's mouths dropped open as it dawned on them and they looked at each other with amusement. Hotch laughed.
Rossi stared hard at Morgan, laughter twinkling in his eyes. He watched as Morgan turned to his youngest colleague in frustration, opened his mouth to bite back, then slowly realisation overtook his features.
Reid couldn't help the smile that was twitching up at the corners of his mouth as he tried his best to appear innocent while avoiding eye contact with Morgan.
"You!" He threw the accusation at Reid like it should have been obvious to him all along. Reid suppressed a laugh, quickly putting his coffee cup on the side and moving away from the kitchen.
"Oh no you don't!" Morgan launched for him, grabbing him round the shoulders and putting him into a head lock.
Reid was laughing as Morgan rubbed his fist in his hair.
"Hotch!" He called out in a high-pitched voice. "This is assault of a Federal Officer!"
"Never mind assault, I'll be straight to death row by the time I'm done with you!" Morgan replied with feigned anger.
"Now, now children." Rossi approached to calm the situation down. "A little decorum, please." He said with a smirk tapping Morgan on the shoulder.
Morgan released Reid. He stood back up quickly and defensively moved away from Morgan, not taking his eyes off him. The amusement danced in his eyes. His hair was all over the place and his shirt and tie were now askew.
"Okay, pretty boy, you win this one. But you'd better watch out, because I'm comin' for you." He pointed at him in mock threat.
Reid watched him carefully as he went to sit down. The rest of the team were smiling and chuckling amongst themselves.
"Morgan?" Reid asked gently.
Huffing out a breath, Morgan lifted sulking eyes to his colleague. "What?"
"Did you not want to get your lunch?" He smirked, knowing exactly what Morgan had been heading to the fridge for in the first place.
Morgan gave him a withering look, stood up and stormed over to the fridge, which now miraculously opened, grabbed his lunch, slammed it shut and went to sit down again.
Reid laughed with the rest of the team, his bright smile on full display. The scowl on Morgan's face as he stormed past him only made him laugh more.
Rossi patted Morgan on the back and shook his head mock disapprovingly at Reid as his young colleague made his way back to his own desk looking very pleased with himself.
Hotch smiled to himself.
"Aaron?" A gentle voice cut through his memories. He turned to find Rossi looking at him curiously.
"Dave. I didn't realise you were still here."
"Clearly." Rossi said with a knowing smile, leaning on the mezzanine bannister next to his old friend. "Reminiscing?"
Hotch's face dropped a little.
"Something like that."
Rossi raised his eyebrows, giving Hotch a look that clearly meant to carry on.
A smile quirked at Hotch's lips again. "The fridge."
"Ah!" Rossi responded with a chuckle. "That was a good one."
"Hmm."
They both stood lost in their own thoughts for a good minute, entirely comfortable with the silence.
"Dave." Hotch said cautiously.
"Aaron." Rossi responded.
They both knew an awkward conversation was about to take place.
"What happened?" Hotch turned to look at his older colleague, concern in his eyes.
Rossi's eye twitched uncomfortably and he turned to face Hotch, still leaning on the bannister.
"So, you heard." Rossi said simply. He felt Hotch's penetrating gaze looking right into him. He sighed. "I don't want you telling me to see a shrink or that I need a psychological evaluation." Rossi warned, staring him down.
"Okay." Hotch said sternly.
Rossi cleared his throat. "I've been... having dreams." He said, the embarrassment was clear on his face despite his best attempts to mask it.
He turned away from Hotch and overlooked the bullpen. Again, the two men stood in silence for a long while. Hotch patiently waited for his colleague to open up.
"It's Reid under that bed." Rossi said simply. Hotch's eyes narrowed. "I knew from the moment I left that room it was going to haunt me. And it has. Every night since we got him out. Every single night I lose him into some God forsaken abyss."
Hotch still didn't say anything, only his gaze had softened.
"The unsub was in a barn, his arm hit a chain and that sound... It took me right back there, to that damn chain around his neck. All I could see for a few moments was his face and the blood, his eyes …. the hopelessness and the fear." His voice became a little choked.
Hotch looked at him concerned.
"Dave, that is PTSD."
"PTSD." Rossi spat. "Don't give me that Aaron. If I've got it, we've all got it. Are you telling me I'm the only one who has dreamed about it?"
Hotch's pulled his gaze away. Rossi stared at him knowingly.
Again, silence overtook them. Hotch's lips tightened as he pondered how honest he is going to be.
"I see him die every night." He said, feeling the extreme relief of finally saying it out loud. "He's strapped to that bed with Jason torturing him and he's calling out for me, begging for me to help him. And I can't get to him. He screams louder and louder until there's nothing left. He's gone, and there's nothing I can do."
Rossi spots a tear running down Hotch's face.
"That's your guilt." Rossi said directly. "Because I know damn sure it's mine."
Hotch took a deep breath.
"We can't continue on like this." Hotch said, painfully aware of how their avoidance was beginning to separate them both from the team they loved.
"No." Rossi said simply.
They both leaned over the bannister again.
"Then how do we deal with this?" Hotch asked, clearly at a loss with how to process his emotions.
"The way we always do, Aaron. Together… As a family."
"MORGAN! HELP ME, PLEASE!"
He woke up with a start, before he even realised what he was doing his feet were taking him out of the room and down the corridor to Reid's bedroom.
Switching on the light, he found Reid writhing around on the bed, his sheets down by his feet and his limbs fighting invisible restraints.
"Oh god no, please."
He was sweating profusely, his t-shirt was soaked and his hair was sticking to his face. The nightmare had clearly been going on for some time.
"Please, just stop." He panted out breathlessly.
Morgan dropped to the side of the bed and cautiously reached out a hand to Reid's shoulder.
"Reid?" He gently shook.
"Morgan, please help me." His broken voice came out squeaky in his upset.
Morgan's felt the stinging of tears rush into his eyes but blinked them away. He tried again to rouse him. "Reid? Wake up!" He shook more firmly this time.
This seemed to still Reid's movements somewhat though he was clearly still in the throes of it. His eyes frantically ran around under his lids and his breathing was harsh and laboured.
He began coughing; choking sounds were coming from his throat. Then he seemed to stop breathing altogether.
Morgan stared wide eyed at him, his hand lingered over his shoulder.
"Reid?"
He suddenly sat up, eyes wide open. He coughed and retched as if he was going to be sick. He slumped forward.
Morgan automatically put his hand to his back. Reid leapt at the touch, unceremoniously tripping up over the sheets tangled in his legs as he did so. He went off the end of the bed, landing hard on his shoulder but recovered quickly and scrambled to move himself away and against the wall, breathing hard.
"Reid! It's just me!" Morgan said, holding his hands up.
Looking at him through wild and panicked eyes, Reid appeared to relax when he made eye contact with Morgan.
"It was just a dream, kid." Morgan said gently, moving towards his friend and sitting on the edge of bed opposite him.
He was breathing heavily, his body shaking, his eyes starting to cloud with tears.
Morgan held his hand out to Reid and he took it with both hands, holding on for dear life. He tipped his head forward, banging his forehead on the back of Morgan's hand.
"You're okay, you're safe." Morgan said slightly wide eyed, stroking the back of Reid's head.
He had completely expected this tonight. After nine hours of dredging up painful memories, he was surprised Reid had gotten to sleep at all.
"I'm sorry." Reid said under his breath, still hitting his head.
"Reid, look at me." He didn't respond, only took a shuddering breath which indicated to Morgan that tears had finally escaped. "Look at me." He said more firmly.
Reid lifted his gaze to his friend's, his eyes were dazed, wide and sad.
"You have got to stop apologising. None of this is your fault, do you hear me?"
A small smile tugged at Reid's lips. Morgan wasn't entirely convinced that was a positive thing upon seeing the expression in his eyes. Something wasn't right.
They sat in silence for a few moments, Reid's gaze turned hard as he appeared to fixate on the side of the bed. Morgan watched him carefully through appraising eyes.
"Reid?… Do you hear me?"
"I don't know what the date is." Morgan's head titled slightly. Reid's expression was introspective, his voice sounded distant, fascinated. "So much time spent following routines, clocks and calendars. And I don't know what the date is." He smiled again, eyes wide, shaking his head at the apparent absurdity of it all.
Morgan's eyes narrowed in concern. "Reid." His voice was deliberate and cautious. "It's April 2nd."
Reid's hand came up to his mouth thoughtfully and he stared hard at Morgan, but his thoughts were clearly elsewhere. A previously unshed tear ran down his cheek. For a split second, Morgan realised unhappily, he looked like his mother.
"I don't think I emptied my fridge. Everything will have gone bad." He said thoughtfully.
Morgan's features twitched, nerves shooting up his spine.
Disorganised thoughts.
"Reid, JJ sorted out your apartment. It's all good." He reached his free hand out to Reid's shoulder. "I think you should get back in bed and try to get some rest." He said gently, his gaze meeting Reid's unflinching but seemingly absent stare.
"JJ." His eyes expressed sudden concern. "I have to tell JJ."
The hand tightened on his shoulder.
"Tell her what, Reid?"
"There were 32,885 traffic fatalities in 2010, 3.68% of all fatalities were children under the age of 14. That's 1,210 fatalities. That doesn't even count fatalities from other accidental deaths such as drowning, falling, fires, poison. He's not safe. She needs to know he's not safe."
Morgan felt the sting of tears in his eyes again.
He rubbed Reid's shoulder comfortingly.
"Okay Reid. I'll tell her." He said gently.
"She needs to know, Morgan." Reid's eyes were wide and searching.
"Okay, I'll call her. Will you please get back into bed?" He gently extracted his hand from Reid's grip before he lost circulation.
Reid didn't answer him, he continued to stare at Morgan scrupulously. Morgan was feeling incredibly uncomfortable and his stomach rolled with nerves.
He waved his hand in front of Reid's eyes and clicked his fingers. There was no reaction.
Morgan jumped and sharply sucked in a breath as Reid's hand suddenly gripped his ankle. His fingers dug in painfully. Terror had overtaken his expression.
"No, no more." He whispered, seemingly looking over Morgan's shoulder.
Unable to stop himself, Morgan couldn't help but glance behind him to see what had Reid transfixed. Finding nothing, as expected, he returned his attention to his apparently delirious colleague.
"Morgan." Reid whispered frantically, squeezing impossibly tighter.
Morgan stared hard at his friend. Reid's head suddenly dropped, his grip loosening. As quickly as the lapse came, it departed and he was back to panic and squeezing. Morgan noticed his eyelids were slightly more drooped than before.
There was a familiar disconnect in his eyes, one which conjured memories of his younger sister Desiree fighting the monster under her bed at night, back when they were kids. Relief flooded over him.
He's still asleep.
Nails dug into his ankle now.
"Ow, Reid. You need to wake up." Morgan grabbed his shoulders and shook again.
"Help me."
"Wake up, kid!"
"Please, don't."
"Reid! WAKE UP!" Morgan shook him hard, his back bounced off the wall of the bedroom. Morgan flinched a little, quickly retracting his grip, mortified that he might have gone too far.
Reid gasped loudly, letting go of his grip on Morgan's ankle and shrunk away, curling himself inwards.
Morgan gently reached out to him again.
"Get off." He said quietly as his shoulder tried to shrug off the contact. Something in his voice sounded more present.
"Reid?" Morgan knelt down next to him, not moving his hand. "It's me."
Reid's eyes came up to meet him, finally clear of the madness that had haunted them previously. His eyes were soft and unmistakeably Reid's.
Morgan breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh thank god." He was sweating now too.
Reid's hands shook as he looked around the room, clearly confused as to why he was on the floor and Morgan was looming over him.
A wave of embarrassment hit him as he saw the emotion in Morgan's face. A melting pot of relief, exhaustion, fear and concern swam in the usually relaxed features. Guilt overtook him.
"I'm so sorry." He breathed out, his face filled with regret as he looked upon his friend.
Deja vu hit Morgan like a freight train.
"Reid, don't apologise. Just- don't." He removed his hand from Reid's shoulder, satisfied that this time he was definitely awake. "You were having a bad dream."
Reid's eyes welled up again.
"Urgh! I'm messing up your life! I'm in your space, waking you up in the middle of night, you can't go anywhere or do anything! You can't work!" His voice filled with self-hatred and frustration. "I'm just pathetic." He sighed, running a hand down his face he rested his head back, banging it repeatedly against the wall behind him.
Morgan took a deep breath.
"Stop." He said calmly, putting his hand behind Reid's head to protect it. Reid closed his eyes.
"I don't wanna hear you say that ever again." Morgan said seriously. "You are not pathetic. You are not ruining my life." Reid shook his head in disbelief. "Look at me." Reid tipped his head forward and looked at Morgan through his damp hair. "Did I have to bring you here?"
Reid's pulled his gaze away and down to the floor.
"Reid?" He was obviously awaiting a response. "Did I?"
Reluctantly Reid answered.
"No."
"You know why I did?"
"Because otherwise they'd have locked me away." Reid said with a self-deprecating smile, looking back to Morgan.
"Very funny." Morgan said dismissively. "Because I want you here. You're my friend, my brother. If the shoe was on the other foot, would you think I was pathetic?"
Reid's brows furrowed as he struggled with the comparison.
"Pathetic is never a word I would use to describe you." He responded with a hint of envy.
"Well the feeling is mutual, Reid."
Morgan lingered over his friend as he watched him process his thoughts. His lips twitched as they often did when he was close to verbalising something he couldn't quite put into words.
"I think I'm going crazy." He finally ground out.
Morgan looked at him sadly. He had to admit, for a short while there, he'd thought the same. For the briefest of periods, his mind had filled with images of psychiatric institutions, patients standing and staring listlessly in every corner, Reid amongst them.
"You're not. Trust me, Reid. You're really not. I've been reading and your brain is going through traumatic shock. Everything that is happening to you, whilst not pleasant, is normal. I know it scares you. But just give it time."
"Logically, I know that to be true. The logic is there. But I can't organise my thoughts well enough to even find it in order to apply it." Reid looked so disappointed in himself. "It's like all the information I need is floating around like wisps of smoke and when I try to reach for it, my hand just goes through it."
Morgan's brows furrowed in sympathy. He couldn't begin to imagine how frustrated and powerless his friend must be feeling. He always imagined Reid's mind to be a never ending filing cabinet. New information would be filed away and categorised for easy access at a later date. If he needed to access a file he would simply pull the cabinet open and flick to the relevant category.
Jason had taken the filing cabinet and tipped it upside down, leaving the files in a disorganised mess all over the floor. Perhaps even turned on a high-powered fan to send papers flying, just to add extra insult to injury.
Morgan shook the thought away, not allowing his anger to get the better of him.
"Well, that's what I'm here for. To remind you of things you already know but can't quite reach yet." He looked reassuringly into Reid's soft eyes and stroked the back of his head; Something he found himself doing more and more recently. Reid pulled away though, Morgan had to admit, it stung a little.
"What if this is just how I am now?" Reid said sadly.
"It's not." Morgan stated firmly. "That's just another thing that's floating around in there that you can't quite find yet. You know this… it will get better."
Reid took a shuddering breath and hesitantly nodded his acceptance with a small, grateful smile. He then quirked an eyebrow skeptically.
"You've been reading?"
Morgan rolled his eyes.
"Yes, Reid. Believe it or not, sometimes I do read."
"Did you manage okay?" Humour danced a little in Reid's eyes although his face was deadly serious. Morgan was more than familiar with this act and he had to admit, was a little thrilled to see its emergence right now; A Dr. Reid tease.
Morgan huffed out a laugh.
"Don't make me hurt you." Morgan joked, moving to get up and hooking his forearm under Reid's armpit to help him up. "Come on, let's get some rest." He pulled Reid up to standing then reorganised the sheets on the bed. He pulled the cover back and motioned for Reid to get in.
Reid looked hesitant.
"Reid, come on. You need your sleep." Morgan gestured to the bed again.
Reid's arms came across his chest defensively.
"Um, can I sleep on the couch instead?"
Morgan looked unsure at first, a little disappointed perhaps. A couch was never going to provide the quality of healing sleep Reid's body and mind needed. But if it came down to him sleeping on the couch or not sleeping at all, then the couch had to win out.
"Sure." Morgan acquiesced.
"Thanks." Reid smiled, his shoulders relaxed from the tense position they had been in a few moments earlier.
"Come on then." Morgan moved around the bed and left the bedroom, moving down the stairs. Reid followed slowly.
"Morgan, you don't have to come downstairs with me. I can sort myself out." He said from the top of the stairs as he gripped the bannister preparing to partially limp his way down.
"Humour me!" Morgan called from the living room where he was already sorting out a blanket and pillow.
Reid rolled his eyes a little. This really wasn't helping his guilt. As much as Morgan wanted to see him rest, he wanted the same for Morgan. He'd been looking pretty strung out for the last few days. Even in his helplessly self-centred, trauma addled state he could recognise that. The stress was clearly getting to him and Reid was painfully aware that he was the primary cause.
He just wished that he could stop his brain from flicking the 'off' switch and allowing autopilot to take over. It was evidently not a well designed program and appeared to veer dangerously off course without warning, requiring a lot of manual intervention from Morgan to get back it on track. That is tiring. To be constantly pulling someone back from the brink. He knew that better than most. He'd had the role of intervenor from the age of 10 and had done it enough times that he consciously stopped counting.
107. Maybe not then.
This time the shoe was on the other foot and as much as it pained him to admit, without the help, he'd probably be permanently balled up in some corner somewhere, unable to stop his mind taking him on whatever journey it deemed fit at the time.
Morgan was a life raft in the choppy ocean of flashbacks, panic attacks and nightmares. The only thing that was sure to bring him back to safety if he sailed out too far. If he didn't have that, he'd probably be lost for good. That was a sobering thought.
He could only hope that his Mom had viewed him with the same reverence as he did Morgan.
He soon found himself in the living room where Morgan had lovingly prepared a makeshift bed on the couch for him.
Reid smiled slightly, an amused breath leaving his lips and Morgan pulled back the sheet to allow him access.
"Has anyone ever told you, you'll be a great mother someday?"
Morgan quirked a look at Reid just daring him to continue.
"Laugh it up young'n. If you don't get in this bed in the next two seconds I'm gonna sing you a lullaby." He responded with mock aggression, a slight smirk on his face.
"I'm in, I'm in!" Reid moved quickly, settling himself down on the couch. Whilst it was all in good humour, Morgan singing a lullaby? God, neither of them wanted that.
As Reid lay on his side, he felt sleep tugging at him almost instantly. He closed his eyes and snuggled his head down into the pillow as Morgan covered him over.
"Sleep well, kid." Morgan stood over his friend, drinking in the peace that was in his face at that moment. He had to make the most of these moments, as he never quite knew when they would come crashing to an end again.
"Night Morgan." Reid said sleepily.
Satisfied that Reid wasn't going to move, he pulled himself away and went to sit in the chair, gently closing his eyes and tipping his head back.
"Did you know, the earliest transcribed lullabies date back as far as 2000BC?" Morgan squinted an eye open at the sleepy voice. Reid's eyes were still closed. "They were etched on a piece of Babylonian clay in present-day Iraq. They were narrated by a caretaker who describes a scene in which God is angry and threatening towards a baby who has woken up the world by crying."
"Reid- sleep". Morgan said closing his eye again. Perhaps not all the files had been tipped out. He smiled broadly then tucked the side of his face into the couch. He could sleep now.
The doorbell rang. Morgan sleepily opened his eyes with a groan. Looking at the clock it was 10 a.m. He rubbed his eyes tiredly. He pulled his body up from the chair where he'd spent a large portion of the night awake, unable to ignore Reid's desperate begging, whimpering and suffering in his sleep.
He'd woken him multiple times, but every time he dropped off, the nightmares would begin again. In the end, Morgan felt it best to just let him ride them out. Around 8 a.m Reid's mind had appeared to give in to the exhaustion and he had slept peacefully, allowing Morgan to finally relax.
The doorbell rang again.
"I'm coming!" He called out grumpily. His feet thudded towards the door as his exhausted body screamed at him to sit back down.
Bleary eyed, he pulled the door open, surprised to find Hotch and Rossi on the other side of it.
"Buongiorno." Rossi said brightly, holding four coffees. His expression fell into one of concern. "You look like hell, my friend."
Morgan rested his head against the edge of the door and gave a clumsy smile.
"Thanks, Rossi." He said with a hint of sarcasm.
"You alright?" Hotch asked, his usual scowl in place.
Morgan sighed.
His expression said 'don't ask'. He took a step back. "Come in."
Morgan led them through to the kitchen, indicating for them to keep quiet due to Reid on the couch. It was only then that he realised he wasn't there. A look of confusion, then panic crossed his face.
"Everything okay?" Rossi asked curiously.
Morgan automatically shot out of the living room and into the kitchen. There was no sign of him. He came back into the living room and pushed past his two colleagues.
"Morgan?" Hotch tried to intervene but was ignored.
Morgan shot up the stairs. He checked the bedroom and the bathroom, finding nothing.
"Reid?" Morgan called out.
He checked all the bedrooms then rushed back downstairs. Rossi and Hotch exchanged a concerned look.
Morgan went to the door of the room he had set up for Reid. His heart was pounding a little now, thoughts racing, he tried to remember if the front door was locked when he went to open it before.
He pushed it open then breathed a huge sigh of relief.
Reid was sat in the chair in the corner of the room, book in hand and fast asleep. He'd obviously come in here when yet another nightmare had woken him up.
Rossi and Hotch moved in behind Morgan.
"Bad night?" Rossi asked gently, surveying the scene.
Morgan ran a hand down his face and took a deep breath. He looked to Rossi with tired eyes and nodded.
"Let's go." Morgan whispered, guiding them out of the room and closing the door behind them.
"Wouldn't he be better on the couch?" Hotch asked out of concern.
"If he's sleeping, I'm leaving him be." Morgan said with a hint of dread.
Hotch nodded in understanding.
They followed him into the living room where he cleared away the blanket and pillow and opened the blinds letting the daylight in.
He gestured for Hotch and Rossi to sit and then joined them, sitting in his usual chair.
"I wasn't expecting you guys this morning." He said, gratefully grabbing the coffee offered by Rossi.
"Well, we thought you might need a break." Rossi said casually. "This can't be easy."
Morgan waved off the concern.
"It's not that bad." He lied.
"Well, saying it's 'not that bad,' you sure look like shit." Rossi said, taking a sip of his coffee.
Hotch raised his eyebrows at Morgan, a sign of his agreement.
They all sat in silence for a few moments.
"How is it really?" Hotch asked directly.
Morgan met his gaze, slightly defensively.
"It's fine."
"Look, I know we haven't exactly been present." Rossi said honestly, Hotch furrowed his brows and looked down ashamedly. "But we're here now. Let us help you."
Morgan's lips tightened and he closed his eyes.
"Derek." Hotch pushed.
"Fine!" Morgan surrendered. "It's hard, okay? He's…. unpredictable."
"Unpredictable?" Rossi raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. He can be fine one minute, the next he's doing something crazy-" He stopped himself regretting the poor choice of words. "No- not crazy but it's like his mind just snaps."
"Trauma will do that." Rossi said thoughtfully.
"Yesterday didn't help."
"Emily said he did really well."
Morgan looked at Hotch.
"He did. But nine hours, Hotch. Nine hours. I mean, spread it out over two days or something for god's sake."
"I did think it was unusual." Hotch said with a frown.
"He suffered all night thanks to that."
"And so did you." Rossi said simply.
"Well it's difficult to sleep when someone can't stop having nightmares."
"Did you get any rest at all?" Hotch asked.
"About three hours. And it's still probably more rest than Reid had. I think he was being attacked all night if the noises he made were anything to go by." The disgust was clear in his voice.
Rossi shook his head and Hotch dropped his gaze.
"Look, why don't you go and get your head down for an hour? You need to look good for your lunch date."
Morgan looked at Rossi like he was crazy.
"Lunch date?"
"With a certain bespectacled tech wizard." Rossi said with a sly smile. "She's treating you to lunch and it will not do you any good to stand her up."
Morgan shook his head.
"Look guys, I appreciate it but I don't think that's a good idea." He glanced towards the living room door, clearly conscious of leaving Reid.
"It's just lunch." Rossi held up his hands. "A couple of hours out of the house."
"You need it, Morgan." Hotch said firmly.
Morgan clenched his jaw. Getting out of the house sounded like just what he needed. After 8 days of hospital visits and bringing Reid home with him, he knew he needed the time out.
"What about Reid?" He asked, concerned.
"Perhaps it's about time we pulled our weight a little." Rossi shrugged.
Morgan didn't look convinced.
Rossi pointed at him.
"Look at that, Aaron. Complete faith." He said sarcastically with a tinge of humour in his voice.
"No, it's not that." Morgan shook his head. "It's just….. he's pretty bad. The PTSD is severe and it's hard to bring him out of it."
Rossi looked at him, his expression turning serious.
"Derek, with all due respect, I was in Vietnam. I never had it myself, but PTSD was pretty much handed out with the medals. I may not seem like the touchy-feely type but trust me, I know what I'm doing."
He looked Morgan hard in the eyes. Rossi's gaze was firm but just soft enough for Morgan to know that he understood the weight of the task.
Morgan sighed a little.
"Okay. As long as you're sure…. I won't be out long."
The door opened and the three agents turned to find Reid cautiously entering the room.
"I thought I heard voices." He said, limping into the room.
Hotch and Rossi had to manage their expressions. They hadn't seen Reid since their visit together in the hospital and whilst it was good to see him up and walking about, that's about the only thing that was good about his appearance. His face was still severely bruised, having turned more sickly colours of yellows and purples, he had dark circles under his eyes and he was thin. Much too thin.
"Morning Reid!" Rossi said cheerfully. He gestured to the cup on the table. "I brought you a coffee, it might be a bit cold now though."
"Thanks." He winced a little as he made his way around the table to the couch. He sat down gingerly next to Hotch who handed him the coffee. Reid smiled a little. "Coffee Stop. My favourite."
"Only the best for you, my friend."
Hotch sat back and turned to him.
"It's good to see you."
"Thanks. You too…. How's work?"
"It's okay. I know everyone is missing the pair of you." Hotch said honestly. If he was truly honest, he was missing the pair of them too. Work just wasn't the same.
Reid gave a tight lipped, polite smile and then turned to Morgan.
"Did I hear you say you are going out?"
Morgan shifted uncomfortably.
"Nothing gets past you, does it?…. Yeah, just for an hour or so. Meeting Garcia for lunch."
Hotch didn't miss the way Reid's hands started to shake a little, but he gave little else away, just nodding in response.
"You be okay?" Morgan asked cautiously.
Reid looked to Hotch and Rossi feeling self-conscious.
"Yeah, of course." He answered quickly and slightly defensively, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Looks like you're stuck with us for a couple of hours." Rossi smiled.
"I don't need babysitting. I'll be perfectly fine by myself for a while." Reid said, his cheeks flushing slightly.
Morgan stood and rolled his eyes.
"Not happening, kid."
Reid wrapped his arms around himself and sat back into the couch as Morgan left the room.
"Come on, how about I make us some breakfast?" Rossi said enthusiastically, standing up to move to the kitchen.
"I'm not hungry." Reid said solemnly.
"I make a mean pancake." Rossi said with a smile as he entered the kitchen.
Hotch watched as the colour drained out of Reid's face. He clearly hadn't got his appetite back yet. He wasn't exactly the biggest eater to start with.
"Just humour him." Hotch said quietly. "You know he's a feeder." A slight smile crossed his face.
Hotch was rewarded with a small breath of amusement from Reid and a lopsided smile. The self-conscious one that was reserved only for Hotch in his position as boss.
Breakfast was a resounding success. Hotch had taken Reid into the kitchen to oversee the cooking of the pancakes. Rossi had, as usual, turned it into some comedic performance, even earning himself a laugh from Reid at one point. Hotch had managed to guilt trip him into eating a pancake, on the premise that Rossi is very sensitive about his cooking. Once he had eaten one, another two followed, making that the most food he had eaten in one sitting in weeks.
When it came time for Morgan to leave, the three were sat comfortably in the living room watching a documentary about the Ancient Egyptians.
Morgan was happy to see that whilst he was uncharacteristically quiet, Reid appeared relaxed and seemed to be struggling to keep his eyes open.
He caught Rossi's eye and gestured to the hallway.
Rossi joined him and they spoke quietly.
"How is he?" Morgan asked.
"He's okay." Rossi nodded. "He's made some conversation and had some pancakes."
"He ate?" Morgan said, his face lighting up somewhat.
Rossi smiled proudly.
"Three pancakes. They never fail."
"Oh man, that's great." The relief on Morgan's face made Rossi sad. He put his hand on his shoulder.
"It will get better, Morgan."
He gave a small smile.
"Yeah. Thanks so much for doing this."
Rossi cringed.
"Don't thank me. It's long overdue. We've- I've let you both down and it's time we all started acting like the family that we are. I'm here whenever you need me. Anytime."
Rossi could almost see the metaphorical weight lifting off his colleague's shoulders. Morgan smiled the first genuine smile he had seen and shook his hand.
"I appreciate that, man."
Rossi nodded.
"Get yourself out of here. Don't rush back."
Hotch and Rossi were now sat watching a documentary on 'the machines that built America'.
Rossi never thought he'd be spending his Saturday afternoon watching a show about Black and Decker power drills, but these were not 'normal' times. He looked to Hotch, who appeared positively catatonic, then sat forward, eyeing Reid. He was now asleep. Looking back to Hotch, he whispered.
"Do you think it's safe to change the channel?"
Hotch gave him a wide eyed look of desperation.
"Please. Or I might take a power drill to my brain."
Rossi chuckled and picked up the remote.
Scrolling through, he eventually settled on a re-run of 'Cheers'.
"Showing your age now, Dave." Hotch said with a smirk.
"I can put it back to American machines if you prefer, I hear they cover the washing machine next."
Hotch feigned a groan.
"Don't." He stood and moved towards the kitchen. "Coffee?"
"Thanks." Rossi answered with a nod.
Hotch stood in the kitchen, the coffee was brewing whilst he gazed out of the window. His thoughts drifted to Morgan and the exhaustion on his face when he opened the door that morning. Guilt gnawed at his stomach. No one should have to deal with this situation alone. Especially someone who has a team of people around them, a team of psychology experts no less.
Hotch closed his eyes as he leaned against the counter top. His own fears had kept him away from the situation, but Morgan was drowning in his. It was clear that he was scared. He obviously did nothing but worry about Reid. His life had obviously been taken over with supervising, fretting, cajoling and comforting. And it was clearly taking its toll. Morgan was losing himself to his new role, a role that he shouldn't have to be shouldering alone.
He was broken out of his thoughts by a loud moan coming from the living room. Frowning, he listened carefully to see if he imagined it. Sure enough, another one followed. He moved quickly back into the living room. Rossi's seat was empty, presumably he was in the bathroom, and Reid was writhing around on the end of the couch, his eyebrows tightly knitted.
He moved carefully towards Reid who was still moaning pathetically, his hands grasping tightly at his pants and the couch. Hotch felt the sting of tears in his eyes, wishing that he could take away whatever memories Reid was experiencing in that moment.
He knelt down next to him.
"Morgan, help me." Reid's broken voice squeaked out.
Hotch reached out his hand to Reid's but lingered, unsure if he was making the right decision.
"Don't…. please don't." He breathed in, gasping. He tucked his face into the side of the couch as his body tensed at some unseen stimulus.
"Reid." Hotch called out gently, cautiously resting his hand on top of Reid's.
Reid's head started shaking from side to side.
"I can't…. No, please!" His voice became stronger and more desperate.
Hotch tightened his grip on his hand.
"Reid, you're dreaming. Wake up." He shook his hand a little, trying to rouse him.
He fought him, trying to pull his hand back but Hotch held strong.
"Reid!" He put his hand to his shoulder and shook him hard.
The younger man's eyes shot open in a panic and he gasped, pushing back into the couch. His eyes met Hotch's but there was no recognition.
"It's okay – it's okay." Hotch reassured.
Reid's body was still trying to escape as his mind was determining where he was and whether he was safe.
His hands went to Hotch's shoulders to keep him at a distance.
"Reid, it's Hotch. You're safe, it's okay."
Reid's hands squeezed his shoulders and then his gaze suddenly focused on his boss' face.
"Hotch." He said slowly, his face filling with relief.
Rossi entered the room to see Reid suddenly wrap his arms around Hotch and take him into a tight, shaky embrace.
Hotch was a little taken aback and then carefully returned the hug, shooting a concerned glance to Rossi. He just gave a small, sad smile and nodded in return.
Hotch could feel tremors running through Reid's fragile frame and it made him not want to let go. He thought about his dreams where he was trying to reach him but unable to and he found himself hugging him tighter.
"You're safe." He whispered gently.
He felt Reid nod in agreement..
The two stayed like that for a good thirty seconds, until Reid finally released his grip and self-consciously sat back into the couch.
"Are you okay?" Hotch asked gently.
Reid swallowed, closing his eyes and nodded.
Rossi came and sat down next to him. Reid jumped a little.
"It's okay, it's only me."
Reid visibly relaxed and rested his head against the back of the couch.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Rossi said gently.
"I'm so tired." Reid said weakly.
"I know, kid. I know." He put his hand to his shoulder and Reid turned his head to look at it. His face crumpled but he didn't cry and he exhaustedly slumped sideways towards Rossi catching him slightly off guard.
Rossi awkwardly wrapped his arm around his young colleague's shoulders as Reid's head came to rest on his collar bone. He looked at Hotch with misty eyes and titled his head to rest it on top of Reid's.
"It's okay, caro. It's all going to be okay."
They sat like that until Morgan returned home. Reid had eventually fallen asleep in peace. The comfort and security of Rossi's presence seemed to keep the nightmares at bay.
Morgan smiled as he took in the scene in front of him.
"Do you guys wanna go? I can take it from here."
Rossi and Hotch exchanged glances.
"I think we can manage a few more hours." Hotch replied, with a smile.
Rossi looked at Reid sleeping peacefully and rested his head back down.
Yes, la famiglia e tutto.