WESTERN

Izuku and Snipe stood in the middle of a desolate, dusty town. Snipe spat a viscous wad into the dirt and said, "This town ain't big enough for the both of us."

"This town has three hundred and twelve acres of land. If you are referring to interior space, there are thirty-eight homes with an average of two hundred and forty square feet of space, not including the detached outhouses. What amount of space would be sufficient for both of us to maintain occupancy of this area?"

"It ain't about numbers, kid. It's the principle of the matter!"

"I understand. I will ask Nezu about adjusting the occupancy limits."

"Let's just duel already!" Snipe shouted. "High noon was ten minutes ago!"

Snipe and Izuku turned on their heels. A tumbleweed drifted across the barren landscape, and western music played in the background.

After ten paces, Snipe turned and fired. The bullet thudded into Izuku's chest. He looked down, plucked the deformed metal from his chest, and popped it in his mouth. "Mom never lets me eat lead."

"If you're that eager to eat lead, then how about this!"

Snipe fired. Izuku caught the bullet between his teeth and bit down. "This one has sulfur compounds. Got any more flavors?"

"I'll have you tasting the rainbow at the pearly gates!"

Snipe fired four shots in rapid succession. Izuku caught two with his hands, a third with his foot, and snagged the fourth out of the air with his tongue. He popped them all at once. "Tin impurities, traces of iron, a slight dusting of nitrates. Exquisite."

Snipe tossed his empty pistol to the ground. "Well? Aren't you going to finish it?"

"Finish what?"

"Finish - the gun! At your waist!"

Izuku looked down. "Oh! Thank you for reminding me."

Izuku twirled the gun in his fingers, cocked it, and aimed the barrel into his own mouth. He pulled the trigger, and the bullet ricocheted all around his metallic mouth before he bit it in half.

"These are stainless steel. That is a disappointment." With a shrug, Izuku fired another one in his mouth. Snipe watched for a moment, stupefied, before he said, "You realize you can just take them out of the gun, right?"

Izuku opened up the revolver, then upended the entire thing like a packet of tic-tacs."

Frustrated, Snipe kicked his pistol across the ground. "Do you have any idea how long I spent putting this thing together? I wanted to have a proper duel here!"

"Oh, a duel? Why did you not say so?" Izuku's arm sprouted a gatling gun's barrel. Snipe's eyes widened as the barrels quickly started spinning, making an ominous hum as Izuku aimed it at him.

"Draw," Izuku said.

Snipe ran for his life. Izuku scratched his head, then said, "I guess he went to get some paper?" Looking down at his arm, Izuku aimed it into his mouth, spun the barrels, and filled his mouth with bullets until he resembled a mechanical chipmunk.

499

They say Snipe is still running for his life to this day.