Author's Note: Thanks for the kind reviews last chapter, I'm so glad it went down well. This chapter was designed after much thought and discussion – I'll explain at the end. It's an interesting one… Please read, review, and enjoy!

Disclaimer: Clearly I don't own Sherlock. The show is the baby of Steven Moffat and Mark Gatiss, while Sherlock Holmes itself is the creation of Arthur Conan Doyle.

The First Time He Said He Loved Margot

He wasn't at home that day but he wasn't at work either. He was at the club doing some last minute thinking. A place where Anthea couldn't well take a screaming baby to interrupt him. Anthea wasn't annoyed, she didn't want to talk about it right away either, she was nervous. They were both as bad as each other in this case. Anthea had pretended to still be asleep when he got up and got changed. No doubt he knew she was pretending and was totally okay with that.

When Mycroft came home Anthea could tell that he had been drinking just a little in the last hour or two. It wasn't effecting his intelligence or his motor functions but he was just a bit slow to answer and to think of the words he was using. Anthea was standing on the other side of the kitchen bench while Mycroft was in the kitchen brewing coffee. She drummed her nails on the bench, trying to drum up courage at the same time.

"Today's a month." She said, hating how uncertain she sounded.

"Well…" Mycroft hummed. "If we were to go off the original due date then actually we're still six weeks away from a month." He sounded a little uncertain himself. He turned to smile dryly at Anthea and she tried to return it but failed so his fell.

"We do need to talk…" Anthea breathed heavily. "Sadly." Mycroft waved a hand in her direction, looking at the machine making his coffee.

"I know, I know." He said. He turned her way again. "Just…" He flicked a hand again. "Give me half an hour and a few good coffees and then we'll talk about it." Anthea tucked a curl behind her ear.

"So it can't be good news then." She muttered to herself. Unfortunately Mycroft heard it. His posture straightened and he looked into her eyes deeply. He continued to watch her as he licked his lips and tried to find a way to answer that. He took a step forward and then changed his mind.

"I'm not certain I have any news." He sounded lost. They held each other's gaze for a minute and then he went back to making his coffee.

Anthea drummed her nails on the table.

"Do you want dinner before we talk?" She said.

"I'm not hungry." He murmured.

"Well I was thinking of ordering pizza. The cheap kind. That okay?" She asked. Mycroft, now holding his coffee, scowled but nodded anyway.

"Go ahead." He said.

"You don't mind it." She joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"I know," the honesty of a few drinks slipped out in the guise of a wistful whine. "But so many carbs…" Anthea laughed.

They were sitting down in the dining room. Why the dining room Anthea had no clue. It all seemed so formal sitting across from each other at a great wooden table. It felt like a job interview where both parties were nervous. She was sure it made sense in Mycroft's head but to her she'd have rather had this conversation in the living room or even the actual home office. They were good in that environment, she could have done this in that environment. Maybe it was because it was a smaller table. Maybe it was because no other room in the house had decoration like this that made you feel like you were in the middle of a power play.

Mycroft's hands had been previously folded together but after minutes of silence he held them open to the roof.

"I don't know how to start." He shook his head. Anthea shrugged with a single shoulder.

"Just start." She said. After a blank look she elaborated. "Try to speak from the heart. You're better at that than you think." That didn't mean he wasn't bad at it – he was just better than he thought he was (he thought he was horrendous). Mycroft took a deep breath then licked his lips and pursed then. He looked at Anthea carefully.

"I love Margot." He said it like it physically hurt him to say it. "I love her so much, I didn't know it was possible to feel this way about anything." Anthea rubbed at her forehead and laughed.

"Me too." She said when she looked back up. It was nice to hear that Mycroft felt the same way she did about that precious little girl. She deserved it so much. Margot deserved nothing but love.

"And you." Mycroft shook his head. "You are the only reason she exists. You intrinsically knew she was going to be special and you made sure she got the chance to prove that."

"No I didn't." Anthea shook her head. "I took a chance." She laughed breathlessly. Mycroft smiled softly.

"Well it's the greatest risk I've ever seen pay off." Anthea smiled but she looked down. He wasn't done. This wasn't going to end here. No way was his behaviour coming home indicative of just that as an answer.

"But?" She prompted.

A beat.

Anthea swallowed and Mycroft exhaled.

"That is why I think Margot is deserving of so much more than me." He muttered quietly and sombrely. Anthea looked back up and leaned back in her chair. After waiting it was clear Mycroft wasn't going to speak more.

"Why?" She prompted. She sounded a little angry but she was actually just scared. Scared for Margot mostly. Mycroft hesitated. He looked out the now dark window.

"We've discussed before how I am less than ideal as a candidate for a father, Ali, dear." He said. "I'm cold, distant, impatient, I've been told I have an attitude problem but that's nothing compared to my brother's." Anthea sniffed a laugh. Mycroft's mouth almost twitched. "Then there's all the trouble that comes with me. I-." He stopped and sneered. Steel blue eyes fell on Anthea. "I can't do that to her, Ali. I can't. She deserves nothing but happiness, safety, love, and comfort. She doesn't need to learn how to work around her father the way you do. She doesn't need a security team. She needs you."

Anthea buried her eyes in her hands again. She pushed her palms hard against her eyes to stop the stupid tears that wanted to fall but she failed and they fell anyway. She tried to make her sobs as quiet as possible.

"Honestly, I'm lucky you're still here in the first place. What is wrong with you?" Mycroft said and Anthea couldn't tell if he was joking or serious. She laughed and sobbed at the same time because sometimes, at the worst of times, she wondered that too. But at the best of times it never crossed her mind.

"I love you, that's what's wrong with me." She said. She sat back up. Anthea had to tuck her hair back and wipe her eyes with the back of her finger but she got herself together to talk. "And so does Margot. We just want you. You and your stupid moods. She'll probably be like that too, you know?"

"It's possible." Mycroft answered in a choked voice.

Anthea looked out the window. Mycroft looked at his nails.

"So what?" Anthea sighed. "You're leaving then." Mycroft shook his head. Confused, Anthea's brows narrowed.

"I know what would be best for Margot but I love her so much I am incredibly tempted to do the selfish thing and make her grow up with me around anyway." He laid his index finger on his temple. "The mighty selfish side of my brain who sounds a lot like me at fourteen keeps insisting that parents mess up anyway and this is my child to ruin." Anthea would have laughed any other time, thinking of Sherlock's list and Mycroft's file, instead she just shook her head and kind of smirked.

"So… are you staying?" She asked carefully. Mycroft held his palms up to the roof again and shook his head.

"For a whole month now, my love, I have not been able to decide. Do I do what's right for Margot or do I do what's right for you and me?" As soon as he finished Anthea lunged forward and took hold of Mycroft's hands.

"You are what's best for Margot, Myc." She said and squeezed his hands. "You're her father, Daddy. She needs you." Mycroft looked away, blinking his eyes rapidly. "What if she gets migraines? Who's going to help her?"

"You." Mycroft's voice shook. "You make me take my blasted medication. I sulk about it or power through."

"But I can't tell her I know how it feels." Anthea pulled his hands closer to her. "I can't tell her about her Auntie's illness without being biased about it. I can't teach her what to do when the world gets too loud and Uncle Sherlock can't either because his answer for years was drugs." Mycroft tried to pull away but Anthea tightened her grip. "I can't tell her how much her Daddy loves her when he's not there. She won't believe me."

"Stop." Mycroft choked. His eyes were red and his breathing was off. "Alice, stop." Anthea let go of his hands and they immediately went to Mycroft's lap. The chair pulled away a centimetre or two.

"I'm sorry." She said.

"It's not you." Mycroft murmured.

Silence.

Anthea rubbed her neck. Mycroft scratched at his eyebrow then pinched the bridge of his nose. Anthea sniffed and wiped her nose on her sleeve.

"So what do we do now?" Anthea asked. Mycroft shrugged. About thirty seconds later he actually vocalised his thought.

"I don't know." He said. His eyes looked like the cloudy sky during a terrible storm. "It's certainly not fair to leave you in limbo."

"You mean Margot." Anthea said. Mycroft pursed his lips and shook his head.

"You're the one with sophisticated thought and emotions." Was that supposed to be comforting? It didn't feel like it. Anthea wasn't sure she was feeling anything right now. She was kind of numb. How could she talk this through if she was numb? She needed time to reconstruct her feelings, just like Mycroft apparently needed more time to choose between what he wanted to do and what he felt like he needed to do.

"I don't want to do this." Anthea pushed her chair back. "I can't think about this right now." She stood up.

"Alice." Mycroft remained sitting. He looked closed in on himself and shut off from the world but his voice was open. "I don't want to do this either but I need to think about this otherwise we won't get anywhere." Anthea looked from the door to Mycroft and back again. With a huff she sat back down with her arms folded across her chest.

They just needed time. She needed time to come to terms with all this and he just needed dedicated time to think about it.

A lightbulb went off in Anthea's head and she hated it. She rubbed at her face again.

"I have an idea." She said begrudgingly. "Why don't you spend a week out of the house with no contact to Margot and me?" She looked up to see Mycroft looking just as displeased as she felt.

"Excuse me?" He muttered.

"To see if you could do it. To see if you really are capable of cutting yourself out of Margot's life." She explained. Mycroft appeared to get it but not be pleased either as he relaxed into his seat and rolled his eyes. "Stay at the club or spend some time at your brother's." He scowled and Anthea almost smiled. "No, I mean it." She laughed a little when she said that. "Speak to John about it; he knows what it's like to have a partner leave you with a baby just because they think it's for the best. Mary came back and then was taken again. I bet he has a lot to say. And maybe speak to your uncle, he left his family too. He might have the opposite argument to John."

"He will." Mycroft sneered.

"Good." Anthea nodded. "You'll hear both sides of the story."

"Arguments. Both arguments. They're not from the same story. It's more akin to a debate than a hearing." Mycroft said. Anthea blinked.

"Do you do that automatically when you're not thinking straight?" She let her annoyance show. Mycroft was pulled out of himself.

"Yes." He said. "Sorry." Anthea shook it off.

"It's fine." She huffed. "I might have to get used to Margot doing that too."

"What about you?" Mycroft asked. "What will you do during this week?" Anthea shrugged. She scratched at the back of her head. She hadn't gotten that far.

"Spend some time with James and Jamie if I need help." She said the first thing that came to mind because it probably was what she would do. "Talk to friends who won't judge us for doing this and try to work out what my life will be if you don't come back." Mycroft rubbed one hand with the other like wringing out a cloth.

"May I insist on one thing?" He asked.

"I won't talk to Tim." Anthea guessed the one thing. She was correct as Mycroft nodded, pleased.

Mycroft looked out the window again, not that he could see anything. It was truly dark by now. If you were lucky you could make out the outlines of trees. He did this for a few minutes and Anthea did too purely to try and see what at all he could be seeing.

"I don't want to go." Mycroft said. Anthea stifled a laugh or a sob, she didn't know which.

"Then how do you think you could do it forever?" She asked him.

"If it's best for Margot I could." He said. Anthea pulled a face.

"I've already told you how stupid I think that is." She said.

"You have, thank you." Mycroft nodded.

Anthea took a deep breath.

"I don't know if you could do it." She said. Mycroft said nothing. "That's why it's better to do it under a test run where you can come home instead of ending our relationship, walking out on your daughter and me and regretting it but not being able to come back. Because I don't know if I could forgive you for that."

"You wouldn't." Mycroft let her know the Holmsian fact on that matter. Anthea tilted her head to the side.

"Well there you go." She gave him a lopsided sad smile. "I think this practice is the only way to go, Mr. Holmes." She said. "If you really can't make up your mind." Mycroft sighed.

"Once again you are right, Miss James." He said sadly. "I'll agree to this week away." He placed his hands on the table and looked at his nails. "In the morning, that is." Anthea nodded.

"That's fair." She said.

It was the morning. It was later in the morning than Mycroft would normally leave for work but that didn't matter to anyone this morning. Mycroft and Anthea stood at the closed front door, Mycroft's back to it as he faced Anthea. There was a small packed bag next to him but both parties were doing their best to ignore it. It was hard to do, it looming there right next to Mycroft's feet, it was taunting Anthea. At least Mycroft couldn't see it, he could completely pretend not to notice it.

Margot was nice and settled this morning. Of all the times for her to be calm and quiet it had to be now. Of all the times she had demanded Anthea or Mycroft's attention and she didn't want it now. If they had a reason to fuss over her then this could be delayed but no. This morning she was an angel.

There was no point delaying it now. They should say goodbye and see you in a week. It wasn't goodbye forever, it was see you in a week! This shouldn't be hard – they'd done this before. One of them had gone away for work multiple times and they survived. The big difference being that they spoke on the phone every day and Anthea had banned that during this. There was also the threat of never truly coming back but to be honest that was present with some work trips too.

Anthea rubbed her arms like she was cold. She was not cold.

"What do we do now?" She asked. Maybe the genius had a better idea of how to move this along. Mycroft played with the umbrella in his grasp, his attention completely on it. He couldn't even look at Anthea when he answered her.

"We don't usually kiss in the morning so doing so would suggest that something is wrong. I don't think either one of us wants to feel like this is goodbye when it is not." He said. Anthea watched his hands fiddle with the handle of the umbrella. His long elegant fingers feeling the material as if it never had before and was trying to commit it to memory.

"That's true…" Anthea murmured.

"Mm." Mycroft hummed. He tapped the umbrella on the ground. Anthea rubbed her shoulders and arms again. She sniffed and then blinked to make absolutely certain her eyes stayed dry.

"We could hug." She said. Mycroft finally looked at her, intrigued. "We hug more than we kiss. You're pretty good with hugs now." Mycroft nodded a few times silently.

"I am." He said awkwardly but very open. Robotically he put his umbrella against the wall.

"So yes?" Anthea held her arms out.

"Yes." Mycroft agreed.

Anthea's arms went around Mycroft's back first, then his slid around her waist and rested on the small of her back. She rested her cheek against his suit and took in all the warmth and smells she associated with Mycroft. He leaned his head against hers, surely getting some of her hair in his face. They stood like this for ten minutes and neither of them said a word. They just embraced.

How could he think he could leave this?

How could he think it was a good idea to leave this?

How would it be bad for Margot to grow up around this?

Margot would be safe around Mycroft because she would be around love.

Anthea's hands closed around the fabric of the back of Mycroft's suit.

"I'll see you in a week?" She meant to say but ended up asking.

"Most definitely." Mycroft's voice sounded even more like velvet when right next to her ear.

"And I take back the no calls thing. If something happens, if something really bad happens we can call each other." She said.

"I thought that was a given." He said. Anthea laughed but it didn't sound right, it sounded sad.

"If something happens to your parents or your brother let me know and if something happens to Margot or Hope I'll let you know." She continued.

"I would be upset if you didn't." He said.

"And don't get so lost in your head you don't eat or sleep. Don't do a Sherlock, please."

"I won't."

"And you know that as soon as the lights get blurry or whatever you should take your migraine medication."

"I know."

"No I mean it." Anthea looked up at Mycroft. "I know you know, but do it." Mycroft took a very uneven breath.

"I will." He pushed some hair out of Anthea's face and stroked it down. "I promise." He offered one of those fake smiles that didn't even look close to real. "And if you're struggling with Margot, call Jamie… Or John, or…. Carol. You're not weak for needing assistance, my dear." Anthea crinkled her nose.

"I got this." Anthea said. She patted Mycroft on the chest. "Don't worry about me, I got this." Mycroft looked at her carefully.

"I will always worry about you." He said solemnly. Anthea rested her forehead against Mycroft's chest.

"Not this week." She said. "Just one week where you decide once and for all what you're going to do." She closed her eyes. "Personally I think Margot is better off with you."

"Anthea –"

"But," She cut Mycroft off. "I'm not going to stand here questioning you. I'm just giving you advice as your trusted and loyal assistant." She felt the silent chuckle in Mycroft's chest.

"Thank you," He said gently. "Your advice is always appreciated."

"You're welcome."

The hugged for just a few more minutes before he left.

Author's Note: Before I ask you to review let me explain how this came to be. I've said to almost all of my reviewers that I don't make characters do something unless they would really want to do it. I went to Lauren a week or two ago and told her I was stuck. I was stuck because Mycroft was stuck. He couldn't make up his mind. I said to Lauren that something needs to happen to help Mycroft choose one way or the other. There's what he wants to do and what he feels he should do. Lauren and I came to the conclusion that if anyone could push an answer out of him it would be the great Holmsian conscious himself; John Watson. Especially given everything John went through. So with that in mind I went away. I am giving the stubborn man to speak to the good doctor. We might not get to see it unless I write I special POV chapter someday but it is happening. Anthea is also pushing him into an answer and doing her best to be strong.

So! Given all that nonsense what do you think? I don't normally feel the need to explain myself but I wanted to here. Thanks to our guest reviewers; Guests x2. And Observant Potato. Thanks to all you wonderful readers! I'm going to take another week to update because assignments… ugh. See you in a week!