DISCLAIMER: Hawaii Five-0 and it's characters do not belong to me.
…
This is it. This is how I die. Alone on the cold hard floor.
No.. I can't die. Not now, no. I can't leave this way.. Steve's never going to forgive himself. I need to stay strong. At least till I see him. One last time. To tell him it's not his fault... Steve.. where are you? I need..
It was getting increasingly hard to keep his eyes opened. Steve wasn't coming. He wouldn't see his partner again, the thought further broke his presently bleeding heart. His eyes slid close as he accepted his fate. This was really it. He'd always feared dying alone, without anyone by his side but he thought.. if he ever died on the job, there would be his team surrounding him.. Their faces the last ones he would see. Steve's face sending him off one final time. But maybe he had been wrong all along. This was really it.
A powerful force crashed onto his sternum, yanking him out of the blissful darkness. He stirred, arms flailing randomly as his eyelids remained glued.
"Danny! Hey, hey. Hang in there buddy. You're alright." Danny felt a new wave of pain run through his small frame as the pressure on his chest increased.
Steve? That was Steve's voice. He's here. Okay. Good. Steve is here. I need to tell him its not his fault. Danny forced his eyes open and looked straight into Steve's eyes. Steve's eyes reminded him of the ocean. It was glazed with tears and his eyebrows were arched like turbulent waves. Danny moved his lips to tell his partner that it was okay. Everything would be fine. That this wasn't Steve's fault. But all that escaped was an agony-filled groan.
No.. I can't give up. He needs to know that I don't blame him. But he felt weaker by the second and keeping his eyes open was proving to be harder with each laboured breath he took. Still, he forced himself to stay awake, just a little longer. Just one last glimpse to remind him he wasn't alone.
The tears in Steve's eyes fell on Danny's arm and the guilt on his face was hard to miss. "Danny... Brother, I'm sorry." He whispered.
It's okay, Steve.. Danny wanted to say but his involuntary wheezing trapped the words in his throat.
"I'm so sorry.. I know I shouldn't do this. But I have to go, buddy. Forgive me if you can." All of a sudden the pressure on his chest was lifted. The warm hands that had been on his heart were no longer felt. The face that was the only thing keeping Danny awake began to grow further away from him. Danny blinked, not understanding what was happening. Steve was gone. Steve left. Left him bleeding and barely clinging on to life. He was bleeding out on the ground, but his partner left. Just like that. Danny's eyes shut again as his breathing slowed before it stopped completely. There had to be a reason why Steve would leave. He wouldn't have just left. But.. but he still left.. There was nothing holding him back now.
This is it. This is how I die. Alone on the cold hard floor.
Danny woke up heaving. The darkness caved around him, constricting his chest. He breathed rapidly through his mouth as the disturbing images lingered in his subconscious. He sat up slowly, a hand reaching out to his throbbing chest.
He was shivering like a leaf, as he usually did after the nightmares which visited him every night now. He hadn't had a single uninterrupted sleep ever since the kidnapping. The moments replayed in his mind like a video on loop each time he managed to fall asleep. Daiyu Mei might not have succeeded in killing him but what she had done to him wasn't something he could easily overcome. It had been a close call. Too close. Danny could feel his chest tightening as he recalled the moments right after he was shot, when he didn't know if he would actually make it out alive, if he would ever see his daughter and son ever again. If he would ever see Steve again. His chest pounded as he tried to ease the image of himself bleeding out and dying out of his mind. His hand went up to the bandaged area above his heart as he tried to get enough air into his lungs. He let out a groan as the pain didn't stop.
Ugh.. why the hell is it hurting so much? Danny thought. He sat in the dark, contemplating if he should ignore the pain and try going back to sleep, though he wasn't sure he would get any sleep in after those horrible images have been etched in his head. He drew a long breath in but the air hardly filled his lungs. The ever persisting ache in his chest only seemed to intensify with every breath he took. Now as he sat on his bed accompanied by never-ending emptiness, he kind of regretted having sent everyone home. The thought of going down to the kitchen to get his meds and the ensuing arduous climb back up were enough to tire him out. But he was hurting more than he'd like to admit, even to himself. Clutching his midriff, he steeled himself and grabbed the cane strategically placed next to the bed. He hobbled out of the room, wincing at the flash of agony that wrecked his body with his every step.
After an excruciating journey, he finally reached the kitchen. He swallowed thickly, nausea rising in his throat and dizziness setting in. He leaned on the counter for support as he poured himself a drink. Still weak from his injuries and completely exhausted from the climb down, the glass that he was holding slipped from his fingers, shattering next to his feet, breaking the silence of the empty house.
"Damn it." Danny cursed in between haggard breaths. He stared at the pieces of broken glass at his feet. He really didn't need this. All he wanted was his meds, and some water. He wasn't even sure he could clean up the mess without keeling over. But leaving the glass there wasn't an option either.
As he lamented on his already miserable life, the silence in the house was suddenly intruded by the sound of heavy footsteps approaching the kitchen. He froze. In an instant, Danny felt his whole body go weak as his heart raced. His stomach churned and his knees trembled as they tried their best not to buckle. There wasn't supposed to be anyone here. After sending Tani and Junior away earlier, Danny was now alone in the house, aside from Eddie that is.
Who was here? Were they here to take him? Was Daiyu Mei back? He couldn't put a stop to the onslaught of worst case scenarios that appeared in his head. He was still on edge after the kidnapping. He wouldn't admit it to anyone that asked but he hated being left alone. He hadn't been able to protect himself when he was 100% himself, now it was even more unlikely that he would be able to fend off any of Daiyu Mei's cronies. Yet, he had sent the team away when they offered to stay the night with him because more than he hated being alone, he hated the pitying looks everyone seemed to be shooting his way. Those looks suffocated him more than the pulsating wound on his chest.
But right at that moment, he would give anything for anyone of his team to be in the house. Of course he hoped it would be Steve who would rush to his side, protecting him, making sure he was fine, the way he always did. But that was not going to happen and in any case, he needed to stop acting like the damsel in distress. He shouldn't need any saving. He could protect himself and if not, at the very least, he would die trying.
Right now, in Steve's kitchen, he only had himself to rely on. Swallowing his fear, Danny gritted his teeth and reached for the largest knife in the holder that was conveniently in front of him. He turned as quickly as his battered body allowed him to, ready to face whoever came at him.
"Danny?! Sir! it's just me, Junior. You okay?" Junior's concerned face stared back at him, hands up to shield himself as he saw what Danny was holding.
Relief flooded Danny's senses and he involuntarily dropped the knife on the counter. He instinctively clutched his pounding heart with one hand while the other remained planted on the kitchen counter as he was sure he would drop to the ground otherwise. Danny bent over, his breathing rapid and his heart beating even faster.
"Junior.." Danny managed to say though it sounded more like a squeak. "Are.. you trying.. to kill me?"
"You alright, huh? You okay?" Junior worried as he approached Danny. Seeing Danny's face that was devoid of any colour, Junior's worry was at DEFCON 1. His eyes shifted to the knife on the counter and Danny caught his gaze. Danny put the knife away quickly. Junior pretended that he hadn't noticed the trembling hands and turned to look Danny in the eye. "I heard some noise and I thought.. Are you okay?" Junior asked again. He held a hand firmly on Danny's back, realising that not only were Danny's hands trembling, there was a slight tremor in his whole body.
"Yeah.. Yeah.." He took several deep breaths which sent merciless stabs of fiery pain through his chest. "Just forgot my meds earlier. Came down and made a mess." Danny rasped, a hint of embarrassment in his voice. Embarrassed that he wasn't capable of doing such a simple task and that he had been scared out of his wits by Junior. He felt like a pathetic mess. He had been feeling that way for a while now eversince the incident. But at that moment, he couldn't take it any longer.
"I'll clean that up. Are you alright? Did any of the glass get on you?" Junior asked.
Danny managed to shake his head. His eyes stung.
"Alright, just be careful. Come on, let me help you outside.
Again, Danny shook his head. "Junior.. Can you leave me alone for a bit?"
Junior frowned, not all too confident of leaving his wounded senior alone. "Sir, you sure you're alright?" He repeated for a fourth time, unconvinced with Danny's answer.
"Yeah.. Just. Please."
Analysing Danny's pained expression one last time, Junior did as he was told. But there was no way he would leave Danny alone entirely. He headed to the living room, standing out of sight but near enough to the kitchen so he could rush back in within seconds if Danny needed him. Having ensured that Junior was no longer watching him, Danny let the tears that he was holding in flow. He sunk onto the kitchen floor. His ribs protested with the movement but to be honest, there was no position that was good for his body. It was a matter of hurting or hurting more. But between the physical pain and the emotional pain he was currently in, he didn't think he could feel anymore hurt, so he hugged his knees to his chest and leaned his head into his knees as he sobbed his heart out. He wasn't entirely sure why he was crying just that he felt an overwhelming sadness in his heart. And he needed to let those tears out because he was feeling like he was drowning in them.
He didn't know for how long he sat hunched on the kitchen floor. The kitchen that had been a place for his never-ending banter with his partner. He could almost picture himself perched on the counter, ranting passionately as his partner did god-knew what in the name of cooking. Except now he was alone. Had he driven his partner away like he did everyone else? He guessed that he had. Which was why he ended up a sobbing mess on the kitchen floor, alone, picking up the pieces of himself that had chipped off when Steve left without hesitation.
He was alone even if Junior was in the living room, ears perked and evesdropping on his pathetic breakdown. He was pathetic, maybe that's why they had all left. He was alone and he would always be. No one would stay for him because he was not worth it and he believed that.
"Si..Danny..Are you okay?" Junior poked his head into the kitchen after a while when it was getting a little too silent. His face almost held Steve's aneurysm face but Danny wouldn't call it quite that. Maybe constipated face would suit it better but he wouldn't say it out loud, risking hurting Junior's feelings and incurring Tani's wrath.
Danny nodded as he wiped any remaining evidence of weakness on his face.
"Are you in pain?" Junior asked awkwardly. Stupid question, he knew. If Danny had decided to come all the way down in search of his pain meds, of course he was in pain. The thing was, Junior may be a skilled Navy SEAL who could handle any tough situations but at that moment, he wasn't entirely sure what to do or say. Just like Steve, he was emotionally stunted.
Danny wasn't sure if Junior meant physical or emotional but at the moment, the answer to both was the same. He nodded slightly.
"I'm sorry. I should have given you the meds before I left." Junior looked regretfully as he quickly picked up the shards of glass on the ground and grabbed a rag from the counter.
"I can take care of myself." Danny said a bit more tersely than he meant to. Exhaustion, physical pain and sleep deprivation weren't a good combination. And the embarrassment from his breakdown wasn't helping. Lashing out was his only defence.
"That's not what I meant. I meant.."
He took one look at Junior's awkward face and felt an immediate guilt. He shouldn't take it out on the poor guy who had no reason to be there. Lest, he ended up driving him away too. But he needed someone there with him at the moment even if that admission was like a bitter medicine to swallow. "No.. look, I'm sorry. I just.. Sorry." Danny started.
"Danny, you don't have to apologise." Junior said.
"C..an you pass me my meds. Don't think I can get up." He said, his chest throbbing even more than it had before if that was even possible.
"Okay, hang on." Junior said as he swiftly poured Danny a new glass of water and took out the multitude of pills. He sunk next to Danny and handed them to him.
Danny swallowed his pills and set the glass next to him. He eyed the Navy SEAL curiously. "Why are you back here? I thought I made sure you left with Tani?" Danny asked.
Junior shrugged. "Well.. Umm.. I did go to her place..but then we both..just got worried about leaving you on your own. So I came back. You were already asleep so I didn't let you know.." He said.
Danny sighed, bringing a fresh stab into his chest. "I can take care of myself." He repeated, softly this time. He didn't need anyone's worry or pity.
"I know, I know." Junior said. "I don't doubt that.."
"If you know then you don't have to do this." Danny said. "I know Steve asked you to.. but you don't have to babysit me.. I don.. I'm fine and I do…"
"I know what you're gonna say. You're fine and that you don't want to burden me or anyone for that matter. But see.. I want to be here, okay? It's not because Steve asked me to look out for you or because I think you can't take care of yourself or anything like that. I just want to be here and make sure for myself that you're alright."
Danny didn't know if he could allow himself to believe that. To believe that Junior cared about him. For 10 years he believed that Steve cared about him only to have his partner leave barely a week after he almost died. So could he really believe that there was anyone in the world that cared enough about him to stay? Not really. Or not yet at least.
"Danny.." Junior said quietly. "You know.. I.. uhh I'm not.. What I mean is.."
"What is it?" Danny asked wearily.
"Well you see… I, I'm not very umm good with words… But, umm.. I've been told I'm a good listener. If you.. uh if you wanna talk.." He said. He was genuinely worried about Danny. Steve leaving had left a hole in their Ohana, and everyone felt the loss. But everyone knew that the biggest loss was felt by Danny. No questions about that.
"I appreciate that, Junior. But there isn't anything to say." Danny said. Words eluded his usually eloquent mouth. Maybe because he knew nothing he said would change anything. Or maybe because he was afraid of saying too much and revealing what he was really feeling.
"Okay.. tha.. that's fine. Maybe no..not tonight? But anytime.. I'm here for you. We all are… I hope you know that." Junior said.
Damn it, what is it with his tear ducts today? Danny swallowed, refusing to crumble once again, instead letting the tears drown him from the inside.
"Umm.. shall we head upstairs? Let me help you." Junior asked after a beat.
Danny looked at him, trying but failing to hide his weariness. "I.. Just let me stay here for a bit. You go ahead." Danny said, the medicine had yet to kick in and he wasn't that confident of getting up to his feet even with Junior helping him.
"Is it okay then that..uhh.. I can sit here with you, right?" Junior asked.
Danny didn't answer, an enormous amount of effort went towards ensuring his facade didn't break once again. Why would you stay with me, he wanted to ask. But he didn't. Because he did need someone by his side, even if it came in the form of an awkward millennial Navy SEAL.
"Yeah." He answered almost too softly.
...
A/N: Hi everyone, once again thanks for all your reviews on the previous chapter. I am glad that you are enjoying it. I'm sorry this chapter is a little too long. This was one of my favourite chapters to write and in fact I rewrote it so many times because I just didn't want to let it go yet. And so it got longer and longer and longer that I had to split it to 2 chapters.. I really really hope you like it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Would love it if you guys can spare some time to review :)
P.S. For the anonymous review wondering if this is going in a romantic direction, the answer is no. Pure friendship and brotherhood in this one so hope yall enjoy it :)