Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.
A/N: Hi guys! First of all, thank you to all those who have stuck around for this story and who have reviews/favourited/followed. You guys keep me motivated to keep on writing :) So here you are, more angst coming up because you should know me by now.
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The raucous wail of sirens shattered the silence of the peaceful morning, pulling him out of the blissful darkness and plummeting him back into his tormentous reality. His eyelids fluttered open with the incessant desperate plea next to him. Unfamiliar faces came into his view, hands tugging on his shirt, ripping it apart. He breathed, his back arching against the ground as intense pain shot through his chest as though his heart was being wrung dry.
"Bp 75/50."
Voices filtered through his mind in a haze.
"Heart rate 165. He's tachycardic."
He shuddered as cool metal contacted his skin.
"Muffled heartbeat… Pericardial rub over the left sternum. We gotta go now."
A mask was gratefully placed over his mouth and he hungrily drank the oxygen he couldn't seem to get enough of.
"What's going on? Is he going to be okay?" Tani voiced.
"He's not in good shape, ma'am. His vitals are worrying. We need to get him to the hospital right away. Are you coming with us?"
"Ye..yes." He could hear the tremble in Tani's voice.
He blinked hazily, looking at Tani who was near tears. It's gonna be okay, I'm okay... He wanted to say, yet he was rendered speechless by the ache pounding through his ribs. Tani's hand firmly wrapped around his as he was carried onto the gurney and brought onto the ambulance. He succumbed to the urge to shut his eyes and tune out the vexing beeping of the monitors around him.
"Danny, stay with me. Open your eyes, please." Tani voiced shakily.
He nodded, but he was unable to oblige as pain exploded in his sternum as though a dagger was being plunged into his chest over and over again. He writhed in agony, curling into himself to stop the stabbing pain that was travelling all the way up to his neck.
"His BP is dropping further. Step on it guys!"
The sirens blared through the tense air.
"Danny... please.. think of Grace and Charlie. You have to be okay for them.You have to fight."
He opened his eyes, tears brimming at the mention of his kids. Grace and Charlie... He promised them he would be alright. He breathed. He had to be okay for them. But the ache was too much. Every breath he took brought on a fresh wave of pain. Breathing shouldn't be this difficult but it was.
"Just keep breathing."
He was trying to. He wanted to breathe. He wanted to live. Still. Though there wasn't much left to live for. He still wanted to live. He wanted to see his kids grow up and lead lives of their own. To see Grace have her own family and to see Charlie succeed in whatever he does. But importantly, he wanted... no he needed to live. He needed to live for just one more chance to see Steve again. Just once more.
He had to live, so he forced air into his lungs though the pain that came with it might as well have been the reason for his demise. His chest spasmed with each inhale. How long more did he have to hold on? Even if he wanted to, the piercing ache in his heart was too much to bear and was nudging him closer to giving it all up.
"Te..l.. St..ve.." He breathed, his mask fogging up with unsaid words as his eyelids drooped shut. He whimpered as the fiery agony once again pummelled his chest and he lost the battle.
...
It hadn't been long ago that Tani had driven the car with Danny in the backseat, fighting for his life. She would never forget that day. She had said the words "I'll drive." with such confidence before she had even considered the gravity of the situation. She had seen Danny walking on his own two feet to the car and a small part of her had thought and hoped, he was not as gravely injured as they had all feared. It was not until Steve had mentioned the words "gunshot wound to the chest" that she realised Danny was in a life and death battle.
That was one moment in her life that she had felt fear in its greatest form. She hadn't wanted to relive that moment ever. Of having to watch someone close to her, someone almost like family fighting for their live. Yet now again she was forced to relive it, the same fear cloaking her entire being as she squeezed Danny's hand in hers. This was too soon. The fresh scent of blood was still clear in her head, the pained wheezing from Danny as. he fought for each breath was still loud in her ears. And now, again, she was watching Danny fighting for his life.
And the worst part of this was that she had no idea what was wrong with her colleague this time. Seeing a gunshot wound was easier than seeing her seemingly fine friend suddenly collapse and struggling for every breath. Danny's chest rose and fell with extreme excruciation, causing an ironic pang in her heart.
Tears slid down her cheeks; how did this happen?
"His BP is dropping further. Step on it!" The paramedic working on Danny suddenly interrupted the tense air in the ambulance.
Her fear doubled as Danny's eyes remained closed while the erratic beeping of the monitor intensified.
She used the only card she had, whispering close to his ear. "Danny... please.. think of Grace and Charlie. You have to be okay for them. You have to fight."
And it worked, Danny's eyes opened, bringing relief for one fleeting second. "Danny, just keep breathing." She begged. "Please, just breathe."
But this time, her words fell on deaf ears. Danny squeezed her hand weakly, muttering something she couldn't quite make out. And then Danny's eyes slid shut again and the air in the ambulance suddenly became too still.
The sirens stopped abruptly as the ambulance came to a grinding halt. The flurry of movements that followed was a blur to her as she was relegated to a bystander. The gurney was hurriedly pulled out of the ambulance. The EMTs rushed in swiftly, exposing the direness of the situation. A team of 1 doctor and 2 nurses were at the entrance of the ER, waiting to receive their patient.
"Male, 41 years old. Sudden onset of severe chest pain. He's tachycardic and hypotensive. Pericardial rub detected. He lost consciousness about 2 minutes ago."
"Alright, get him to the emergency bay. I want a chest X-ray, ECG and Echo ready." The doctor said.
Tani looked on as Danny was being wheeled, frozen in place with fear. An EMT rushing over bumped into her shoulder, bringing her out of her stupor. She ran after the gurney, trying her best to keep her voice calm as she called out to the doctor. "H…His name is Danny Williams.. Doctor Lea Harris is his doctor. He was brought in here with a gunshot wound to the chest a mon...no umm about six weeks ago. She knows his history."
The doctor turned to the nurse on his left. "Contact Doctor Lea."
Danny was brought into the emergency bay, separated from her by a large glass panel. She followed, the nurses were too occupied with the other things going on in the ER to try and stop her.
She didn't realise that she was trembling, her feet swaying slightly as she watched her unconscious family on the gurney. She kept her hand on the glass to stabilise herself as she watched the nurses and doctors work on Danny with urgency.
"This can't be happening.. No.. Danny.." She muttered to herself as tears flowed down her cheeks. She was at a loss. How did this happen? Danny was fine.. He had been fine. That's what he always said. His recovery, though slow, had been on track. So what was happening? Why was this happening?
She couldn't think, her mind was blank. The scar on Danny's chest stood jarringly on his otherwise pale skin. Her eyes traced the ribs protruding on Danny's torso as the doctor placed ECG leads along his chest. She swallowed as guilt rolled in her stomach.
How have I not seen it? Danny is not fine. Despite what he said, he is most definitely not fine. Why hadn't I intervened earlier? Why have I let it come to this?
She swayed unsteadily, her knees weakening from the weight of guilt sitting on her shoulders. She had promised Steve, all of them had, that they would look out for Danny knowing how close he had stood at death's door. Yet… What had they done? What had she done?
This.. this was most definitely her fault. If she hadn't pushed and pressed on earlier, if she hadn't forced Danny to talk about what hurt him, maybe this would never have happened. Maybe she had brought on the onslaught of emotions that Danny was unable to handle. Maybe all that stress was causing him so much pain. This was all on her. This was her..
"Ma'am," A soft tap on her shoulder brought her out of her dizzy spiral. "I'm sorry but you can't be here."
But she had to be here. She had to make sure he was okay. "B..but he..I.." She didn't turn to look at the voice, her eyes fixated on Danny.
"He's in good hands ma'am. Please, you'll have to wait outside so you don't get in the way."
She turned to look at the nurse, her soft features bringing slight comfort. "Please.. you have to make sure he's okay." Tani said, though she knew it wasn't in her hands.
The nurse nodded, gently holding her arm and leading her out. "The doctors are working on him. Let's get you seated outside."
She reluctantly followed and sat in the ER waiting area. Her anxiety peaked as the minutes ticked by, seeming much longer than it was. She didn't know what to do. Waiting for news was just about the hardest part of the hospital. The not knowing…
She inhaled shakily and wiped the dried up tears on her face. Battling against herself, she whipped out her phone. She wasn't sure if this was the right thing to do. But the pain she had seen in Danny's eyes just about convinced her.
With her still trembling fingers, she dialled the number. And as the phone rang, she had no idea why her tears started to relentlessly unleash themselves.
...
Steve panted heavily, his chest heaving and he sat down as he tried to catch his breath. There was no one around him. It was just him and for a precious moment, his heart felt at peace as he tuned the world out. This was his favourite part of the day, the 2 hours he spent with himself, running and hiking up the mountain. For those 2 hours, he was completely alone, and sometimes, he was able to forget all the scars that marred his life. Sometimes, he could forget about all the hurt that he had brought onto the people he loved.
Yet, each time he reached the peak of the mountain, as he stared into the abyss, the ache in his heart returned. He longed for that sense of comfort his partner always brought him and he wished Danny was there next to him. He had not a single doubt in his mind that Danny would build up a rant all the way up the mountain. But he was also certain that the view at the peak would put an end to Danny's complaints. A soft smile crept onto his face as Danny's voice in a full-blown rant played in his mind.
You would love it up here, buddy. Wish you were here… I.. I miss you, Danno. I miss hearing your rants, can you believe it? Everything feels too quiet nowadays and…it suffocates me. I wish you were here… But I know you're safe far away from me… I hope you're okay, buddy.
A strange pang rested in his chest. He wasn't sure why, but there was a niggling unease in his heart. It was different from the permanent anxiety he felt every other day. Today it felt.. like something bad had already happened and he was just unaware of it yet. He tried his best to bury the thought in his chest, shutting his eyes and breathing in the clean air while he basked in the serenity and calmness of the mountains.
But the elusive peace he was looking for never lasted. The tranquility was broken when his phone rang.
'Tani Rey', the name displayed onscreen.
He contemplated letting the phone continue ringing. He didn't quite want to answer. Because he knew what it was that she never failed to ask him; 'When are you coming home?". It was a question he neither wanted to answer nor had the answer to.
But for a second, he felt an intense malaise overcome him. He swallowed, anxiety knotting his heart. He had to answer. Just in case something happened. Just in case… it had to do with Danny. He shook the nauseating thought out of his mind and swiped the answer icon.
"Hey, Tani."
He was met with silence as though there was no one on the other end. He strained his ears, pressing the phone against his ear. And then he heard it. A soft, stifled intake of breath.
"Tani?" He called again, his mouth suddenly dry as the uneasiness intensified.
"St..Steve.." Tani's voice was different. She almost sounded afraid.. and... was she crying?
"Tani..are you.." He suddenly found himself unable to breathe. Like a thousand pound brick was thrusted into his chest, the foreboding realisation crushing him. His gut feeling had been telling him something was wrong and he never should have ignored it. Something was wrong and he didn't need to ask.
"It's Danny." She said, confirming his worst fear.
He inhaled, tears stinging his eyes but he held them in. He hung on to the small sliver of hope that his mind was playing tricks on him. Or maybe, this was an elaborate joke on Tani's side. But deep inside, he knew…
"Wh..what happened?" He choked, the tears betraying him
"Steve.. come back." Was all Tani managed, her voice shaky for the first time since he had known her.
His heart pounded in his chest. Why did Tani sound so afraid?
"Danny's not good."
All the air left his lungs. He was suddenly dizzy. His vision blurred, he wasn't sure if it was due to the tears or the fact that his world had just caved in upon him once again.
"Tani." He forced his lips to move although he seemed to have lost function of his entire being. "What's wr..ong with..Danno?"
"I don't know.." She breathed. "He coll... Danny collapsed, Steve.. His heart.. something's very wrong.. He was.. hurting.. His chest.. he couldn't breathe and he collapsed.. They said something about his heart..."
Danny collapsed. Two words that seemed to plunge his life into darkness.
No.. no this had to be another one of the tricks his mind kept playing on him. Danny was okay.. He was okay.. I just need to wake up from this nightmare. This is what this is. It's just a nightmare. Danny is alright. He is okay…
"Steve.. are you there?" Tani asked.
He exhaled. "Danny is okay.. He's alright.. Danny's alright.. He's ok.." He repeated the words as though it would change the reality. He wanted so desperately to wake up from this merciless dream but why wasn't he waking up? Why was he still stuck here?
"You need to... Danny needs you.."Tani cried. "You have to come home. Please Steve.. You have to.."
Tears ran down his cheeks. This was not a nightmare. This was real.
"Tell me.. he's going to be okay."
"I..St..H.." She stuttered. "The doc..tors are still with him.. I don't know anything yet.."
He breathed, his stomach churning revoltingly. Why was this happening? This is not the deal, buddy… You are supposed to be okay..
"Steve.. I.. I'm sorry.. I should have.." Tani stumbled on her words. "I should have realised something was wrong... This shouldn't have happened. I'm s.."
"It's not your fault." He said. And he meant it. He could not blame anyone when he wasn't there to make sure Danny was okay himself. He had no right. If anything, this was his fault.
"He's going to be okay, Tani." He said. He couldn't bring himself to think otherwise. "He's going to be okay. Tani please.. please keep me updated. Once the doctor says anything, I need to know.."
"I will, Steve." Tani said."Bu.. But you need to know. There's nothing Danny wants more than to have you here. Can you.. Steve, he needs you. Will you come home?" She asked, her hesitance palpable.
He didn't answer. What could he say? There was nothing more he wanted than to be with Danny.
"It's okay, Steve.." Tani said, resignation and maybe even disappointment in her voice. "I'll let you know once I hear anything. I'll be here for him." She said and the line was cut.
He was left all alone, and just moments ago the solitude gave him peace. Yet now, all he felt was fear.
Danny.. Danny.. Danno... Buddy, you were supposed to be safe, supposed to be okay without me by your side. What's going on, buddy.. You said you were okay.. You promised.. You have to be okay, Danny.. You have to…
He stood up dizzily, blood rushing to his head. In a moment of clarity, he knew exactly what his heart and mind were both telling him.
I need to go.. I need to see Danny.. I need you, buddy...
…
A/N: So there you have it, hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. If you can, pls pls pls do drop a review to let me know what you feel about the chapter/story so far, would totally make my day and maybe even inspire me for the next chapters! Thanks :)