Disclaimer: Hawaii Five-0 and its characters do not belong to me.

A/N: Hi everyone! So… I am back with another chapter, I know it has been a while so I apologize for taking long to update. Hope this chapter makes up for it a little.

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The familiar hold around his hand…The crisp scent of musk overpowering the antiseptic smell of the room... The gravelly voice repeating some sort of mantra next to him..

Steve.

But he didn't dare believe it. Too many times… Too many times he had believed the mind tricks his brain never ceased to play on him. Too many times, his heart had been crushed with disappointment when he opened his eyes to bleak loneliness.

He wouldn't be fooled this time around. His eyes remained closed as he chose to live in a delusionary state, soaking in the firm yet gentle grip on his forearm. The touch of his best friend that he had so sorely missed. He breathed in the scent he had been searching for. His ears strained for the voice he had craved for.

But there was something else in that voice. Something else that tugged at his chest and forced him to open his eyes despite knowing that the momentary relief his friend's presence brought him would vanish immediately. Because even in his dreams, he never wanted to hear Steve shed a single tear.

"Ste..ve.." The name slipped out of his lips ever so casually, his chest filled with irrational hope while the sane part of his mind fully accepted the deafening silence which would answer him.

There was no way Steve was here. But at the same time, he couldn't quell the cumbrous hope colliding harshly in his rib. The hope that never failed to torment him each time it was crushed.

In an instant, the soothing touch on his hand vanished. His dream would once again be crushed. Yet, in the dimness of the room, with utmost clarity, his gaze met Steve's.

"Steve, you're here." The agonizing hope in his chest thundered on. "You came back."

For a brief second, he held his breath, the wounds on his chest aching deeply. What if this wasn't real?

But then Steve's one word cured all his agony. "Hey." The voice a soothing balm on his soul.

Bliss. He didn't know that feeling still existed in some forsaken corner of his chest.

"You're really here, right." His hand unknowingly reached out for his partner's hand, wrapping his fingers around Steve's arm. When his partner didn't vanish into thin air, the anxious knot in his rib finally undid itself.

"I ha…d.. had to come back.. Had to make sure you're okay."

He sucked in a breath, a small part of him guilty for worrying his partner but a larger part was just glad to see Steve again. "Glad you're home."

Steve remained quiet, looking at him with a deep, piercing gaze. A gaze that held a thousand words. He could hear them all. The misplaced self-blame, the endless apologies…

He held tighter when he felt Steve's hand pull away from his. He wasn't letting go of his partner this time. He couldn't. Not again. He made that mistake once when he allowed Steve to leave the island alone. He should have been selfish then. He would be selfish now and cling on to his partner.

"We missed you.." He struggled against the haze clouding his mind, his tears escaping his tightly held façade. No one more than me though. Can't believe I'd ever say this. But I missed you so much." The words slipped out so easily, he could and would blame it on the drugs later on.

"Me too, Danno. I missed you too, buddy."

"You should have come home then. What took you so long?"

Steve's silence scared him. Even if his partner was right in front of him, he was afraid this moment would turn out to be nothing but a lucid dream. And in a split second, they would be shattered, leaving him in a pile of broken shards.

"Are you okay?" He breathed as he took in his partner's appearance. Where was the Steve he once knew? "You look like crap.." He reached for the bearded face as concern flooded him. Steve didn't look the least bit okay. Someone out on a peace-finding mission ought to look way better than this. Was this why Steve never once switched his video on when they facetimed? He should have known then. "You've lost weight, haven't you?"

He needed to feed his partner because clearly Steve was doing a terrible job at doing It himself. He turned to his side, ignoring the heavy numbness on the left side of his chest. There should be some Jello on his side table. They always had it when he was in the hospital.

"Hey, you shouldn't be moving too much. You just got out of surgery, remember? What do you need, buddy?" His heart ached with the soft concern lacing Steve's voice.

"Where's my Jello… Red one's the best. You should have it. Lost too much weight."

Steve looked at him, unblinking.

"Ask the nurse," he said, undeterred. "You need to eat."

"I'm fine… guess I just missed your cooking."

He couldn't help but smile. Of course, Steve missed his cooking. He joked that he must have been a better cook than Cath. And he would cook anything for his partner once he got out… Except. The thought crashed into him without warning.

Steve always left… Who knew if Steve would even stay this time around…

He fought the fog blanketing him and looked at his partner. "Ste..ve.." His lips quivered. "You're st..aying right? You'll… stay… Stay with me?" He asked hopefully but those hopes were squashed in an instant.

The guilt colouring Steve's eyes told him all he needed to know. His heart was once again being shredded to pieces. Steve had no plans on staying.

"Don't go.." This once he could be selfish. Maybe if he begged, if he sincerely asked this time, Steve would change his mind. Steve would stay.

"I'm sorry Danno… I just needed to know you're okay… I can't stay here, Danny."

The words stabbed through his broken heart. He closed his eyes, physically unable to face the reality that Steve was once again leaving him. "Why not?" He couldn't resist asking even as the ache in his chest nudged him towards oblivion.

He needed answers. Why was it so important for Steve to leave? Why was he not good enough for his partner to stay behind.

"I'm sorry, Danno. I love you… You know that, right?"

He wished he did. He wished he could still believe those words.

"Love you too.." He mumbled through the haze. "Promise you'll take care of yourself."

The comforting hand was gone… Steve was gone… Again…

This was just a fleeting dream and that had to be enough for him.

…

The tears couldn't seem to stop, paving its way down his face and landing on the ground silently. His heart ached like he was being stabbed repeatedly. He stood in front of the glass separating him from his partner, unable to move though he knew he should. He needed to flee before anyone saw him.

His hand rested on the ledge as he found his strength waning. The strength to run, the strength to face what was to come without his partner by his side. The strength to stay and be the reason for each of Danny's suffering. Whichever way he went, there was no winning. What was he supposed to do? Not for the first time, he wished for an eternal relief from all his struggles.

His eyes fixated on his partner's sleeping form. Every cell in his body told him to return to Danny's side. To hold on to his partner's hand and to never let it go again. But no matter what he told himself, he knew that wasn't possible. He couldn't stay by Danny's side.

I'm so sorry, Danny. He had made the wrong decision. He never should have come. Because now it was even harder to leave than the first time. Leaving Danny on the beach had been the hardest thing he had to do. Walking away from his brother was tougher than any death-defying stunts he had pulled in his entire life. But here and now, not knowing if Danny was really going to be okay and having to leave him yet again… This was darn near impossible.

He drew in a slow breath, the knife in his chest twisting itself mercilessly as he struggled to strengthen his resolve. He swallowed the deep ache in his rib and took one last, long look at his partner, 'Goodbye, Danno'. He turned, never to look back again.

"Steve! You're here."

He froze. Tears still evident on his face, he flustered. He should have left earlier. He never should have hesitated.

"S'good to have you back, man." A genuine smile erupted on Lou's worn-out face as the big guy wrapped his arms around him.

He didn't move, nor did he return the hug, his hands hanging awkwardly by his side as the older man welcomed him home. He breathed shakily, knowing full well that he didn't deserve it.

Lou loosened himself from the hug and he could feel Lou's eyes on him. But he refused to look at the man. He couldn't. He slouched in shame and ceaseless guilt.

"Didn't think you would.. You must be really worried… But I think he's going to be okay.. Now that you're here, Danny's going to be okay." Lou smiled, the shadows of fatigue clearly showing on his face. "He's going to be so happy to see you.."

He finally looked up, tears that had once again welled up in his eyes flowed without restriction.

"Hey.. it's going to be okay.. Alright? Danny got out of surgery just fine. Doc said it was pretty bad when he came in but they managed to remove his peri.. something without issue.. He's going to be okay… In fact, it's about time he woke up. Come on let's go in and wait by his side. I'm su.."

"I can't.. I'm not.." He trailed off, shrugging out of Lou's hold and hoping Lou would fill in the blanks on his own.

Lou looked at him, eyebrows creased in confusion. "What do you mean?" Lou asked.

"I've seen him... I need to go." He said. "I need to go…"

"You're leaving?" Lou asked, the accusation sharp in his voice as the confusion morphed into impatience and even slight annoyance. "Again."

He squeezed Lou's shoulder lightly, looking at his colleague (ex-colleague) with pleading eyes.

Don't make this harder than it already is…

He swallowed the gnawing lump in his throat. "Take care of him." He croaked. Shoving the burgeoning ache of guilt in his chest, he walked towards the exit.

"Seriously, Steve?" Lou questioned harshly. "Do you really think this is right?"

He continued walking, slow hesitant step after another. He had no idea what was right or what was wrong. Just that he needed to protect his partner. And the only way he could do that was if he wasn't around.

"Then go.. but if you leave this time, you would have really lost Danny. And I'm not sure there's any coming back from that." Lou said. "You're okay with that?"

He stopped in his tracks, reaching for the wall by his side to stabilize himself as the painful words quaked him. He suddenly found himself unable to breathe. Gripping the handrail on the wall tightly, he hunched forward as the dam in his chest broke apart and drowned him.

"Then what should I do?" The words escaped in a mess of choked sobs. "What the hell should I do, Lou?" He felt Lou's firm grip on his back, holding him straight as he struggled to do it himself. "Because if I stay, I will still lose him. I will lose him anyway…"

"Steve.." Lou voiced gently.

"I will lose him…" He whimpered, leaning heavily onto the big guy. "I don't want to lose him, Lou.. I can't lose him…"

…

A/N: I know some of yall thought this story was over but it is actually far from over… I still have a lot of things that I want to write so I hope I haven't lost all your interest. Hopefully I can find the time to write but life has been pretty hectic. I will try my best to not let you guys wait for too long. As always, your reviews would be very much appreciated so please let me know what you think! Till the next chapter :)