Ch.27 Nanashi Mumei
"My first thoughts tend to be scary." Mumei uttered tiredly.
"Oh, how?" inquired the bartender
"I don't want to go into details." waved off Mumei.
"Well, I used to think you were a customer I didn't want to serve myself, did you know?"
"Yeah, because I am spoiled." Mumei laughed it off.
The bartender grinned. "Nah. I would be like that to everybody I meet."
"Oh, you don't seem like that person."
"Oh but you're wrong. I would sometimes consider adding more acid to annoy them." the bartender chuckled. "No offense, but I did have some naughty thoughts while making yours too."
"But it tastes great. It tasted great all the time."
"Well, I tried to make it so. When my first thoughts tend to be gruesome, my second thought tries to mellow it out with more positive ones. If I thought of putting more acid, I would be more careful to measure the acidity. If I thought of diluting the drink with water, I would concentrate on my hand while mixing to make sure the ice doesn't melt."
"But doesn't it get tiring? I mean, to do it every time it occurs seems very tiresome."
"At first it was. I thought many times to give into my impulses. Perhaps I did a few times too. But I endured most of the time. As it neared the present, I got used to doing contrary to my first gruesome thoughts. It became as natural as moving my arm." And the bartender motioned his arm up and down to show he was quite talented in it.
"Huh...that's something."
"I bet you can be like that. You're a good person."
"...why are you so nice?"
"That's a story for another time." The bartender chuckled and slided in another cosmopolitan made with utmost care.
Ch.28 Calliope Mori
"I want to give up. I feel too much weight on my shoulder. Life is painful, and I don't think I can keep going." Calliope uttered listlessly.
"Now, that's relatable."
"Oh yeah? You seem fine though. What did you do that's so different from me?"
"Hmm..Pain often inspires one to give up. If I touched a hot pan, I would retreat my burned hand. If the weight was too heavy, I would lose grip on purpose. That's why many avoid pain. I used to avoid pain myself. After all, I would be happy without it."
"Well that's a given."
Then the bartender frowned a little as if to begin a sad story. Noticing the cue, Calliope leaned closer.
"But that did not work when pain followed me regardless of my choice. It wouldn't matter if pain followed regardless of place and choices. It was not a problem of whether to keep my hand on the hot pan, or keep holding a heavy weight without giving up. It was always there, and I couldn't leave it. Trying delicious drinks, practicing yoga, and meditating for hours did not work."
"Then what did you do?" Calliope uttered. "It seems you have it handled well looking at your face."
"How does my face look?"
"It…looks peaceful."
"That it is." The bartender casually kept wiping the bottles. "At the end of the day, pain was just another source of energy. And energy can be used in any way, regardless of feeling good or bad. Pain, despite its negative feelings, was a strong emotion that gave one huge energy. The pain only inspired me to live harder. If I felt pain from the burning pan, I would grip it harder to keep the pot closed. If the weight was too heavy, I would use pain to lift it higher.
"Isn't that convenient?" Calliope said it, but she felt hesitant.
"Is pain convenient?"
"..no?"
"Then it is not convenient. It was not convenient to feel, but it was a strong emotion nevertheless. Any kind of energy, regardless of convenience, can give you strength. It's like fire. Touching it burns you, but it is a great source of warmth. Some would say, 'isn't that psychotic?' True. It is quite psychotic I admit. But if pain cannot leave me and I had to live with it, I chose to take it to my advantage. It's reasonable to use any means to make a living. If there is a giant and I am a little man, I would use my little fist to pave my way. Shouldn't that be the way of a hustler? Should life be a hustle?"
"Hmm.." Calliope taught carefully and the bartender grinned at such a thinker.
"In the end, the pain mellowed out. Perhaps pain gave up on giving me despair. Perhaps it deemed it pointless to keep me encaged. Whatever the reason, it stopped. Now I live in peace, without pain following me every way."
"I'm happy for you." Calliope grinned.
"Of course, there are many things I skimmed over, But the point is, any feelings can be used to your advantage to make you feel more alive. It's up to you to take up on the perspective."
"What perspective?"
"The perspective to use whatever means possible to make a living."
Calliope mellowed after hearing such a story. It was somewhat too grand to take in, but she could see the bartender was trying to make it as easy as possible for her to take in.
"Another cosmopolitan please."
"Roger, miss. It's on the house today."
"Oh, but I didn't do anything."
"It was quite a pleasure to tell my story. Thank you for indulging me."
"...thanks bartender. Then a margarita after this time."