Note: I think this is the third update today. In case you have missed the earlier updates.

Dearest Lavinia Letter Twenty

27th November 1919

Dearest Lavinia,

I hope all is well in Downton and all the preparations for Christmas are going to plan. I was sorry to hear that Matthew has been out of sorts. Maybe his having a stressful time at work. Tom would often be down spirited when he still worked for the Irish Times. Hopefully with the Winter solstice approaching and the lengthening of days, his mood will also brighten.

I don't know whether to be happy or not that it has not yet snowed at Downton. Happy because it is tiresome to travel in snow and I will be coming home in two short weeks. Or sad, as Downton looks so beautiful in snow. It is somehow magical, when white blankets the ground and the grand house is stark against a winter sky.

To be warm and cosy in the small library or sitting in front of a roaring fire in the great hall. I can't express how excited I am to think of returning to my home, to Downton. Just thinking of it now brings a lump in my throat.

Though I admit I have come to love my little home in Dublin with Tom and Mrs Murphy taking care of us. I am thinking back to last Christmas and Matthew was finally recovering after his terrible injury in the war and we were all discussing your wedding in March.

I had no idea that my life would change so much in one brief year. That I could change so drastically. I feel like a completely different person from that time. Sometimes I will catch myself watching Tom as he whistles in the morning as he gets ready for the day and have to pinch myself, that I can't believe this is my life now. That I could be so happy.

I have news I must tell you, if you could keep it to yourself, I would be grateful. You see, Tom and I are having a baby! We are overjoyed. Our baby will be with us in late spring and our lives will change all over again.

Tom is happy about the baby, I never thought a man could be so invested in having a child. Mrs Murphy and I worry that he doesn't understand how small and helpless an infant will actually be at first. He came home with a Train set for the baby only last Saturday. He was so excited showing me his purchase, talking about how he will be able to play with his daughter (he is convinced it will be a girl).

Mrs Branson told him not to be so foolish and a baby wouldn't be able to play with it until they were at least three. She constantly reminds him that we could have a son. Tom says yes of course and talks about his child for a day or two. But by the next week he is talking about his daughter exclusively again.

It's lovely he wants a daughter, but I worry he will be desperately disappointed if it's a boy. I never thought I would be in the position that I would be crossing my fingers and wishing for a girl.

I hope my Papa isn't making remarks about you having a son. He can be so very thoughtless sometimes. He always valued boys over girls I am afraid. I am sure I will hear the same thing when I am home for Christmas.

You won't have to hold my secret for long as I will be writing Mama next Saturday. She should receive the letter only two days after you, at the beginning of December.

I will be writing to Edith too with the good news. I don't know what to do in regards Sybil. Do you think I should write her or let mother tell her when she comes home to Downton. It has been nine months since we were married. I think it's enough time, don't you?

I suppose the question is rhetorical in nature, as you will not have time to write me and I to act on your advice as I will be in Downton by then. I just don't want any hurt feelings to spoil Christmas and our visit home.

I fear you may perceive me as a coward, perhaps even selfish, for delaying the conversation with Sybil. Yet, I implore you to consider the complexity of the situation. It has been ten months since the unfortunate incident of their foiled elopement, and hopefully the wounds are healing for all those involved. Sybil once harboured deep affection for Tom, and I cannot dismiss the significance of that fact.

Tom's apprehension about facing Sybil again weighs heavily on him, for he wishes to spare her any unnecessary pain. However, we must confront the reality of our circumstances. Despite the discomfort it may bring, Tom and I are now bound in marriage, our lives irrevocably intertwined.

It is a matter of a delicate balance of compassion and pragmatism. We must navigate this situation with sensitivity and understanding, mindful of the emotions of all parties involved.

For our own wellbeing we had to come to an agreement where we could both live with each other in peace. Tom and I were just extraordinarily lucky that we were so compatible with each other.

Still, I am the nervous to meet Sybil again. All through our childhood we were so close. It still breaks my heart that our relationship could be damaged forever.

For some slightly sadder news, this is my last week at work. I can no longer work, now that I am pregnant. I will miss everyone at the Publishing house. But I have worked on twelve different books since starting work here, so next year I can work as a freelance illustrator. I may expand into water colours too, as my painting of Tramore was well received.

Tell me Dearest is there anything you would like me to bring you from Ireland? Tom is grumbling about how much I am bringing to Downton with me. I might have gone overboard with the Christmas presents, especially for Papa. I just told Tom we will just hire a porter to move our trunks.

Thank you about the reminder of the shooting party. I have had a real struggle with Tom's wardrobe for Christmas at Downton. We have had many social events since moving to Dublin, so he has all the proper attire he may need to fit in with the family. He just feels embarrassed about wearing it in front of the other servants.

In Dublin Tom has no difficulty mixing in all levels of society. He really is charming and well read, he is able to converse easily with everyone he meets. I think when he was at Downton, he made friends with those below stairs and they never saw him as an author, only as another servant in the household.

Tom does enjoy outside pursuits, so he has riding clothes, and two sets of tweeds, the proper footwear. Plenty of good quality shirts. He does favour good quality clothes, due to his mother's tutelage and always has them fitted. He believes that part of his success as a writer is due to his appearance. He may be correct.

I witnessed it myself at the publishing house, that those authors who appeared slovenly in appearance didn't achieve the same amount of royalties as those authors who were smartly dressed. Tom believes he was able to achieve his 13% royalties on his book due to how he presented himself and the fact that he was a married man.

Since being a professional woman, the world of business has really opened my eyes to the inequity of the world. The establishment will be tripping over themselves to give a useless second son a position above his ability, where a man of ability, but from humbler origins will have to work all that harder.

This doesn't even consider that a married man will be paid more for the same work as a single man. Whose own pay is already so much higher than a woman's. Don't tell Papa or Granny, but I think I might be becoming a socialist.

Anyway, Tom always had excellent taste in clothes, you remember how handsome he looked at our wedding. Even if he always buys his clothes second hand. He is very frugal. Don't worry he realises he has to dress correctly in front of Granny and Papa. I will manage to pack everything he needs, with the help of Mrs Murphy.

I can't wait to see you in December. I am also excited that we can share the experience of being pregnant at the same time. To think our babies will be so close in age, cousins growing up together.

Until we meet again at Downton, my thoughts and wishes are with you.

In fond anticipation.

Love

Mary