Chapter 40
I do not own skip beat! Yoshiki Nakamura does.
Things taking place
Sitting on a desk, she looked at them in silence. Today was the second session with the new recruits from the Love Me section and still feeling so uncomfortable giving them any advice, she had offered them something. Before she even decided what they could do together and what they could learn from each other, she wanted to get to know them a little more. Therefore, she offered to do nothing more than stay together and take care of their business. Today, she would observe them.
During the next session they would tell her who they thought they were but today she would be content with their names and a silent observation.
In the large room filled with lockers, sofas and pink coveralls, she had noticed that the eyes of some had softened a little but the majority remained hostile to her.
She may have heard some derogatory remarks on the way in which she took advantage of her stay abroad to have control over them and draw as many contracts towards her but she ignored them.
Technically it was not completely wrong. If Kyoko had not lived abroad and been an actress there, it would not have been so easy for her upon her return. She was still a newbie when she went to the US, she couldn't blame them for seeing it that way. They also didn't know what she had done there for most of them. Even if Japan had not remained as closed in on itself as in the past, it was common to ignore what was going on in another country and even what the actors and people who went there did, except for the fans.
And somewhere, Kyoko knew that she had been very lucky with how things had turned out for her over there.
She didn't pretend to know better than anyone, let alone be better than anyone. She did not particularly want to start again here with advantages as soon as she returned. She knew there was still a long way to go before she could proudly say that she was a truly experimented actress such as Kuu Hizuri or Ren. Despite all of this, she was no longer a newbie. Not an expert in her eyes but she knew acting, she had practically only lived and breathed through the play in recent years.
And if there was one thing in which she had gained confidence it was that. Not an expert, no. But she knew what she was doing. She knew how to build a role, how to wander in the world of show business. And she wouldn't back down from anyone, wouldn't refuse any challenge when it came to the play because she knew herself capable to rise to it.
As a result of what, they were right down the line except for one thing. Acting. She finally had faith in her play and wouldn't let anyone take it from her. But they ignored that, so it was only natural they doubted her abilities.
She wouldn't prove them wrong however.
She had seen what the systemic need to prove its worth could do to the hearts of people. It was an exhausting and useless fight with oneself. Kyoko had started to understand what her weaknesses were, to take them on. People who did not love her as she was would never love her and there was no point in struggling in a vacuum.
She knew she had talent, value as an actress and that was all that mattered to her. She couldn't necessarily say the same thing as a person but she knew the skills she possessed and of which she could be proud.
If they wanted to know, they could always ask but bragging about just to show them that they were wrong made her want to throw up.
She closed her eyes for a moment lost in certain memories. A person, a knife on the throat, begging to be hired for a role. A director, unmovable; shaking his head.
The edge of the blade going deep into the sensitive skin of the neck. A geyser of blood splattering the technical team.
Even with all the imperfections that someone could have, no one should ever find value in the approval of others.
You couldn't force a person to love another one. No one could.
You could just show who you were and what you were capable of. And hopefully some people might appreciate you for yourself. But in some cases, you just weren't what the person was looking for, not what they liked and nothing you could do would ever change that fact. Despite how much you could wish for it.
Kyoko knew this only too well.
She opened her eyes again. All of them were ignoring her beside the closest group to the desk. She looked at all of the recruits. Several groups had formed and she was already discerning difference between them.
A pile of magazines had been placed in the centre of the room and several people had drawn from it. Seeing the reaction and the half-voiced complaints of a group of people, Kyoko deduced that they liked little what was in those.
She watched the magazines remaining on the coffee table. It was mainly magazines on the actors and actresses in vogue at the moment and what roles they had played. The few people who made funny faces while reading were the most hostile towards Kyoko. Whenever they felt observed by her, they threw him disgusted glances or other grimaces not very distinguished. It was also fairly straightforward.
Another group chatted together without much interest for anyone or even for their discussion themselves if she had to believe the faces of boredom that most harboured. They seemed a bit lifeless but Kyoko couldn't decipher much more from them.
The third group was of only two people, really focused on their scripts and completely closed off. She might be able to guess that those two were passionate about whatever they were doing and that they didn't like crowd much. But it was mostly a guess, far from a formal clue about them.
There were also three recruits that had totally isolated themselves from anyone else. Once was also reading a script, another listening to some music in earbuds and the last one, a female, writing something with enthusiasm.
The one who was reading his script seemed curled up on himself as he stood apart from the others. He stood out for the aura he carried with him, dark and worn. Such fatigue appeared on his face and it looked like the script was the one that brought the other alive and no longer the actor who made the script alive so much he clung to it.
More than interested in this, Kyoko was feeling worried about this one. She quickly decided she would not take each of them in one go but by the little group they had formed and she would start with this one.
Then come the last three, very close to her, she could actually hear their conversation while they were chatting and giggling about what they were reading. Another magazine.
Which was no wrong as such but Kyoko was trying to grasp little things about each of them and beside the names she finally had, it was hard with the ones that either hide what they were to everyone either was not concerned that much about such a thing.
Not that she could be the one to talk. She didn't like sharing personal stuff that much either but since the president asked her to spend time with them, it should means he thought she could do something with them, for them.
She eyed the teenager boy as he sat on some chair in one of the far away corner of the room when the girls close to her came in front of her with excited expressions.
"Excuse us, kyoko-san" started a cute girl with wavy hairs around fifteen or sixteen if the notes Matsushima-san gave her were right as she bowed a bit to her," but last time we couldn't help to notice when Tsuruga-san came and it seemed like you were closed so we were wondering if-
She waited for the girl to continue, repressing a want to shake her head. Of course, it was about Ren. With the way he had come last time, how could they not have notice him.
"Are you two together like together-together? Abruptly asked another girl with a ponytail and Kyoko stared at them not expecting this question.
"No we are not" She replied, holding her buried wishes firmly in control.
"But you're close" insisted the same girl.
"We are friends" Kyoko told them. "Why the question?"
They looked at each other like they were hesitating before turning back to Kyoko once more.
"Well, in this said the first girl as she showed her the magazine, there is an article about him and we were wondering if you could confirm some of things said in it" explained the girl.
Kyoko smile, remembering the girl's name at the same time.
"Well, Emu-san, I would be a very bad friend if I was sharing his secrets with every person asking and as you probably know by now, I just came back so I don't know much about what he's doing right now or what's his life. We didn't have the chance to stay in close contact while I was abroad" she said as she eyed the magazine. "Is it really talking about Ren or about popular actors in general? Asked Kyoko.
The girls seemed disappointed but answered nonetheless.
"No,no it's really several pages just about Ren. It's an interview" The third one with short straight hair told her.
"Can I see?" Demanded Kyoko.
"You are interested?" asked in return Emu-san, intrigued. "You could ask to the person directly so why bother?"
"Of course I'm interested Kyoko replied. " Who isn't interested in Ren Tsuruga…" said Kyoko mischievously as she winked at the girls.
"More seriously, I'm his friend so I want to know about him and as I said I didn't have the occasion to know what was happening in his life at all times so yes I'm curious. Plus, even I were to ask him directly it doesn't mean he would tell me everything that regularly happened in those five years or in the same way. So It's interesting to know the difference between what you tell a friend and in an interview" Kyoko explained.
"Unless it's on general stuff or things that happened years ago Kyoko added when she saw the dumbfounded expressions of the three girls, I might not know a lot of things"
"Well, there is a copy of this one on the table so you can keep the one you have in the hands if you want proposed Emu after some awkward seconds.
She nodded with a grateful smile but she could feel the girl had something still on the tip of the tongue.
"Yes?" Kyoko inquired when she saw Emu hesitated.
"When you said it like that, it sound so lonely, like you were very sad of that fact so I was wondering if you had had an argument or of Tsu-
Kyoko shook her head and smiled.
"The man had been a lot too adorable. And no, it wasn't because of some argument. If anything, I'm to blame. For some personal reasons, I had to take some distance with well-…Everything. And though I think it was necessary, some part of me already regret having to stay as much away ay I did Kyoko uttered in a whisper at the end.
She apologized when she realized what she was saying.
"I shouldn't talk about things like that. That's my issues. Just know, Ren didn't do anything wrong" Kyoko finished.
The three girls a bit dazed, nodded and left with all the others as the time had flew while they were chatting.
Kyoko quickly explained she would separate the sessions for now on as she was figuring out how to do things with them. And as such she would do things with the groups they had formed. One group at a time even it means only one person. At last she also caught the boy before he exited to inform him, he would be the first one and to take walk shoes for next time.
Grabbing her jacket, bag and the magazine, she closed the door behind her and left LME buildings, going home to paint new her walls, one of things she still needed to do in her new flat.
…
She went home using the car rented a week earlier. When she arrived at her apartment, several lights were shining in the heights of the complex. Kyoko climbed the few steps of the front porch and twisting the key in the lock she pushed open the old door with a sigh, entering directly into her apartment on the ground floor.
A luxury which she could only subscribe to for two reasons, she needed at least a small garden for Snow and this was only available if it was located on the ground floor, an existing garden indeed in the rear of the building. The second reason for allowing her the main entrance was that she had shown little difficulty. Indeed, there were few places available next to the garden and the owner therefore paid largely the lofts downstairs. Except that, kyoko still having her other apartment to maintain and a motorcycle to reimburse, she had preferred to save for the moment.
So she had chosen one of the lesser locations because it was in poor condition. In fact, despite the very advantageous access to the apartment, it wasn't use anymore because inside the interior required some adjustments. The plumbing had to be checked when she arrived, and the only changes she had requested in advance was the possibility of connection. It was also poorly furnished.
She had arranged for someone to come for the bathroom and other sanitary the first week. Bought some furniture the second one. But she still had to repaint everything.
Activity Kyoko was planning to start today.
In fact she was planning to do so as soon as she would be changed.
Strolling between several boxes not yet unpacked, she pushed open the door of her bedroom
Strolling between several boxes not yet unpacked, she pushed with the tips of her fingers the door of her bedroom in development and putting aside another full box, she removed the outfits of today, stripping off her pants in swifts moves and dropping her thick blouse on the bed.
She was having a hard time getting used to the weather again. She was getting warm all the time even when to all Japanese people it was already cold despite the fact they weren't even in the high of winter. And then, it would feel chilly all of sudden so she would put something warmer on then too hot again. It was getting a little annoying at last.
Still, for what she was planning right now she could be confident she wouldn't cool down any time soon.
She bent to her dresser to look up what she wear and the longs locks of her hair glided against her arms, tickling her and covering her nude chest with them. Kyoko did not like the bra very much and putting aside the sport had little use of it compared to women with huge bosom. Thus, she avoided wearing one as much as possible when she could evade the restraint and could ward away from people's eyes the concrete fact she wasn't wearing one.
Though, with times she had vaguely realized she was starting to take less and less attention to that fact and not anymore conscious at all times of which side it was as she was caring no more. It was nothing to be ashamed of after all.
Kyoko shook her head at herself. In some ways, she had changed a lot, yes. But she wasn't sure she could attribute it to her stay in US. Because it didn't feel it was something confined to US. Not in this in particular at least.
She had always been someone who knew what she wanted and when faced with other cultures, views, that tended to express themselves more and fight loud and clear for some rights, diving in all of it, Kyoko had to face upfront what she believed in. She had to wonder deeply what were her values, what would she stand for and what would she never cautioned.
It had made her learn so many things about herself. About things that were important and things that weren't.
For example, she could understand the modest Japanese culture, until one point. She had lived through it so a part shared those beliefs and agreed to it. And on rational reflexion she didn't think it was wrong. As long as it was under wise grounds. Preventing a mother from breast-feeding a new-born in public when they weren't any other choice didn't seem sensible whenever the country people would protest against it.
But under other circumstances than urgency, that some people might feel uncomfortable around exposition of any thing relate to sexuality or nudity in public seemed understandable.
Yet, it didn't give the right to tell all the women what to wear under the pretence than it was sexual. If women were to follow that, considering global society had objectified women, they would need to go out more covered than nuns.
In short, as long as she respected the boundaries of others, it didn't seem unacceptable to not wear a bra if she didn't want to. Among other things.
Kyoko remembered an amazing quote of John Stuart Mill she had read a few years ago that said "My freedom stops where that of others begins"
It was nothing more that.
Yes, she had become a little bit feminist. Not like some extreme people. But enough to understand that some basic principles were just fair and square to apply.
Equality.
For as much people as possible and as in many ways you could.
As such, even if she knew Japan was reserved and she had loved that part in the past, she couldn't agree to it completely anymore, she couldn't drop everything she had learned and what she believed in just because she was back. It would be like denying what she had become.
She put on an old oversized t-shirt to which she tied a knot below her bust revealing her belly which if it seemed a little chilly for the moment would be more than welcome in half an hour.
She put on an equally worn Bermuda shorts and as her hair slipped once more before her eyes, it reminded her to tie them and she grabbed a hair clip, lifting and loosely knotting them.
Leaving aside the idea of putting on some shoe when her feet would soon be covered in colour, she closed the door behind her and returned to the small living room empty of objects if it were not for the few full cases. That and her sulky cat on the counter nearby in the kitchen.
"I will install a couch soon where you would be able to sleep and feel warmer that on the cold ground so stop pouting" Kyoko told with some rubbing of her hands. Snow ignored her blatantly and jumped on one of the cabinets fixed above where Kyoko could stow cups and glasses and showed her backside, clearly displeased with her esclave.
She sighed.
I really need to buy a couch soon…
Kyoko climbed the narrow staircase fixed to the back wall of the living room leading to the small attic used as the second floor and deposited the boxes two by two. With the room clear, she went to look for tarpaulins, rollers, brushes and of course paints.
Once installed, she settled herself on the stool and grabbed a paintbrush, starting to make the wall with the window overlooking the common garden. Painting the outline on the edges touching the ceiling of a pretty very light sky blue colour, she hummed with the music passing in the background that she had just put on.
Feeling in the mood for some cheer up songs and valuing this time on her own, the disc playing was one of her favourite fairy-tales songs playlists.
Beginning to sing as a new song began, she switched to roller and began to apply the paint on the major surface of the wall.
She was coming down from the step when she felt a furry thing around her legs. Her cat.
"Climb down or you're going to finish full of blue spots" Kyoko warned and Snow miaowled at her but didn't listen.
"You're going to take a bath if you end up with paint on you" She threatened her after pushing her down several times didn't work.
Snow brushed it off of course, damn stubborn cat and even climbed higher and rubbing herself to Kyoko's thigh in hope of getting caresses.
Distracted, Kyoko put paint on her face and grumbled as she tried to stabilize herself.
"My hands are full of blue paint so no I'm not going to pet you" she told her," and unless you want I paint your own face that same way you made me do on mine as payback, you will stay put" Kyoko grumbled as she rubbed her face on her t-shirt. "And you are rubbing your white fur on the trails I made on my pants"
Not that this crazy cat cared, she didn't know any boundaries.
A bath. She will have a bath, whether she like it or not.
Next move was when Snow tried to jump in her arms and Kyoko cursed loudly as more paint tumbled off the roller plashing on her feet and the still not too tinted fur of her cat thanks to Kyoko efforts to spare her.
I knew shoes would be useless…
She decided to pay not mind to it as she knew she would have to wash herself in any case and resumed her painting. A new song begun and she sang along for a while.
Two hours had passed and she was singing I see the light with Mandy Moore as she was proceeding on a second wall in beige this time when the bell rang.
Covered in beige and blue and a cat under the arm so that she wouldn't stick her nose in the paint bucket in curiosity, Kyoko went to see who it was.
PS: I was planning to make it longer but it looked like a good scene to stop and tease you all so I decided to take that path obviously. It's so much more fun. Sorry if it seems a bit like a filler but it was needed so, I hope you will still like it.
And yeah, I made her a bit engaged in several things. I hope it won't upset people but when I think of Kyoko that had always had strong values and an inner strength to carry her around I can't imagine her not getting engaged in things as she evolved. Plus, if you consider what she went through(her abuses of the past), it's a natural development for her.
I'm not trying to preach the good word here. I'm trying to follow and be coherent with what a grown up, mature Kyoko could be.
You might see other things of this type later as I will disseminate here and there things all along the story so I hope it will alright for most of you. We are also living in a world trying to turn more progressive in rights and ecology matters so it doesn't seem out of bonds to incorporate a bit in there.
In all kindness of course.
Wohouw, 40 chapters, how did I manage that?
Reviews are appreciated.
Kisses.
AUTHOR OUT.