CHAPTER 76

I do not own skip beat! Yoshiki Nakamura does.

Closer Mess: First Shard of Vulnerability

Only a few seconds passed before he realized what he had done. He had messed up. His mind replayed in circles what she said just before she left. Stupid. He was so stupid. He pressed his palms on the handrails, squeezing the flatten steel bar through his fist as he cursed himself and tried to not bolt. To give her space. And to resume some maintenance over his emotions.

But the shaking furrows marring her face as the hurt he had inflicted her reflected did not stop to flow under his eyes. It was like a broken imagery.

His hands quaked in worry and shame and guilt, and he fled.

It only came to his realization he was tearing through corridors, coursing after any lead of her, three inspected halls later.

He scurried to scrutinize every corner, looking at every floor and asking if they had seen her. He wasn't thinking. He just needed to fix things. Apologize. Beg. Whatever would suit her. As long as it could appease what he had done.

It took him a while to have any idea of where she could be hiding, and lots of asking.

But finally…

She knew, she understood. She had understood he was only worried. But the fact he still considered her as incapable of taking care of herself still hurt.

She curled unto herself as she sank her right side into the wall, and nearly curved herself around it to prevent her to feel the cold. The dark veranda sheltered her from the cold a tint but the four walls serving as support of its roof were thin and no heater had been installed. Who would come in winter on a roof after all?

She had thought she would be able to have some peace here, and had hoped the little cafeteria would have been opened to make her some hot tea to settle her frazzled emotions.

I'm so stupid. She shouldn't have lost her cool. Despite her annoyance, she knew he had had a few valid points. She did tend to be a bit too lenient with whom she let in her flats, so much so as they were her friends. She trusted them after all. Plus, she knew, at the worst of worst, she would be able to kick their asses out. It was not for nothing she had trained so hard to be able to defend herself. She knew she would be able to if in need. She breathed air out in irritation and a foggy cloud escaped her mouth. It really was cold, she noticed, and when she looked out by the window, she gasped at the few white flakes falling down. No wonder she was cold. In her hast to escape, she had dropped her things in a locker without thinking it might be inconvenient later. Now she regretted she only had one of her off-shoulder pullover.

She pulled at her hair, using their length to her advantage to surround her in them a bit, and keep some warmth. She rubbed her shoulders, using the friction to distract her from what she was feeling. This practice did not survive long, and soon she was brooding over what happened again.

She shouldn't have let her feelings get the best of her. She really shouldn't have. But the minute she had understood he didn't trust her enough to be able to handle it, to read her friends enough to know which ones she didn't have to be wary of, she had lost it. The minutes she had noticed he still thought she was not aware of what risks there could have, of what could happen. He still thought she was too naive. A child to be protected.

Just remembering and she felt her chest contract in a painful knot.

What did it have to hurt so much?

But she was desperate. She longed for him to see her as a woman. To see her as an adult.

As his equal.

She desired it so much.

And the blatant truth that had been hideously laid at her feet, thrown at her face; had taken her by surprise. While her rational mind had always known why it might have been the case, why it might always be the case; her heart had had too much joy entertaining other hopes and twisting their recent moments into what she yearned for so desperately.

She realized what it was all about with a shocked hiccuped.

While she wasn't looking, her traitorous emotions had made her somewhat believe that if he considered her as an equal, then maybe one day, going from that, to him not being as opposed to find her at least attractive – compared to the impossibility to gaining his love – , could be reachable.

In other words, she had started to hope. What a nonsense. At least, she had kept some ground with reality, and not began to hope for love. But how long before her deluded self would start to delve even further into foolishness? She could not have that.

Another hiccup, tortured this time, escaped her.

She crossed her arms and dropped her head against the wall.

Some maniac snickers went past her mouth as her brows furrowed, and she rested her forehead against the wall. Hiding her grotesqueness in the cocoon of her hair as tears eventually ran.

Reality could be so cruel.

Why shall she live in a world where she had no chance with him?

She wished she lived in a world where she could be with him…

Where I would be enough…

Why must love always be such a poison? Honey turning in venom in her veins as bitterness coloured this treacherous emotion. Why did she have to aspire to him so much? Why did she have to love him so much? Why couldn't she let go?

It would be so much easier…

When he reached the roof covered patio, he was sure she had gone home, and was now just checking for the good of his nerves. He would hate to have missed her if he had still some chance to sort things out right away. He had cancelled his morning jobs in case she did in fact go home, and was planning to go there and try to talk with her after checking here.

But as he made it to the corner and turned, there she was.

Through the glass of the frosty door, he could see her back and long hair as she pressed against the wall, nearly dissimulated in her environment, despite the light blue of the flattering pull she was wearing today. Another day, seeing her all tangled in her hair like it was some sort of cloak would have made him smile but he could only see how much she was hiding in it now.

He entered in silence, feeling guilt wrenching his guts, and his concern rose as he barely noticed any difference between the outside temperature and in-there. She did not seem to take note of his presence and he stepped further into the room.

He was about to speak but froze. She was crying. He had discerned the glisten of tears caught by the feeble light as he had moved.

The guilt turned nauseating and twisted like a rusty knife in his guts. Bile rose in his mouth at horrendous self-disgust gripped him.

He strode the last remaining steps separating from her, and only stop a few inches away, at a respectful space from her, not daring to utter a single word.

He raised his fingers, then dropped back his hand, not wanting to startle her.

He moved back a few steps, taking care of making some soft noise this time. However his best intentions, she still bolted at the sound.

"Kyoko…"He mumbled out in spite of himself when he saw her stricken face after she had turned.

She stared at him, the quietness of the room unnatural as he returned her gaze for one stretched eternity. Before she was startled again, realization and shame clouding her eyes, and she turned back around as she rubbed at her cheeks.

He was brought back to her side before he had time to realize he had moved.

He wanted to say something, anything, and hug her until he was sure she would never make that face again. But he didn't dare to touch her. His hands hovered around without ever even grazing, trying to give her comfort, apologize but also giving space, but managing neither of the three.

"… Sorry," She eventually said, "give me a minute".

Oh no. He would not let her do that. He couldn't let her think that way.

"No."

No, no, no.

"No, Kyoko, I forbid you to say sorry." He stressed. "If there is one person that should apologize, it's me."

She didn't react but he could see annoyance and sadness dispute themselves on her face.

"Please," he said and took her hand, gasping at how cold they were, "let me apologize."

She eventually turned back, and attempted a light smile, before failing as she replied.

"It's okay."

He shook his head.

"It's not. I was completely out of bound. But let's warm you up first."

He turned to the door of the little kitchenette.

"It's locked." She said but she did not move from her spot. "We should just head back inside."

He shook his head.

"We need to talk, and I don't want anyone bothering us."

He grabbed the handle, and truth, it was locked. But with this frost, maybe … he forced a bit and it gave away quite easily.

"It's open." He said, and took her hand, bringing her inside to make her sat on one of the bench seats there, before starting the radiator there was there.

"Ren, did you just break the door?" She pointed out flatly, and he thought he heard the spectre of amusement in her voice, yet not reaching even that, really.

"It was rusty."

"Hmm-hmm." She commented, and it was clear she didn't believe his half-truth. It had been rusty, it was the kind of old lock that didn't handle cold well. But he wasn't one hundred percent sure it would have given if he hadn't pushed forcibly on it.

He found some old tea in the small cupboard on the wall and made some water to boil before returning by her side, watching her closely.

She was warming up her hands, and already looked a little bit less pale, though he could still see the humid clues of her tears.

He sat near her, and she reluctantly turned back toward him, not looking at ease.

"It's okay, you don't need to – "

"Yes, I do."

"It's okay, really – "

"Kyoko – …"

She turned away.

"I don't want to hear it. I know why you said that, I'm not mad at you. Well, not anymore." She amended in a clipped tone. "Let's just forget about it."

That actually made it worse, and he grimaced at what he could perceive. If she had been mad on him, he knew she would have said it and exploded like earlier. But this closed-off attitude … it meant he had genuinely hurt her.

"It doesn't make it okay," he said carefully, "Please."

She eyed him and sighed, and he guessed it's all he would get as an acquiescence. He took back her hand and though she didn't turn back toward him, she let him do.

"I'm truly sorry, I – "

But what words could convey what he wanted to say?

It's not like what he felt had changed.

He still felt jealous. A part of him not wanted anyone to come close to her. He wanted to have her all for himself, to be the only who knew her best and that she would let him. He wanted to be the only one knowing how much she loved fairy tales and how she lost herself in her own bubble when it barely even touched on those. He selfishly considered fairy tales as a matter that only belonged to them both. It was what had connected them both when they were little and had permitted him to recognize her later when they met again. And even without magic, he would always be her fairy.

He wanted to be the only one to know how headstrong she was. How amazing of an actress she was. How cute and innocent she could be. He didn't want anyone stealing her away from him. He knew, oh, how he knew that, one day, it might happen. That if despite his deepest desires and efforts, she never looked his way, then she might turn her gaze to another man's way some day. This end sounded too dreadful to envision for him but he had to acknowledge the risks. Yet, he could only hope and try.

But as came hope tagged along this possessiveness. He didn't want to be robbed of even trying to get her attention. Hell, even just as a friend, even if this situation were to last further in the future, deep down he knew, a part of him would always feel possessive. And he couldn't get rid of this feeling. He wanted to be able to wish her the best even if one day it wasn't with him. He wanted to be able to let her go if one day her happiness depended on it. Moreover, no matter their relationship, she would never belong to him. She was her own person, not an object. He wanted to but he was not sure he would be able to.

He was angry at himself for not being able to be rational about it. He felt bitter because his mind knew it was wrong, to desire to possess someone. But his emotions refused to bulge. He couldn't manage to feel fully bad about that feeling. His common sense knew it was, yet, his heart rejoiced in that emotion. Warmed himself with it and cocooned in it. As if, by that longing and darker desires he felt, he was not only him anymore. As if that feeling were a part of her he could hold on to, while she was the one that was in fact possessing him.

But, beyond all that and even if he couldn't get rid of those feelings, hurting her was not okay. It would never be okay, and had never been his intention. Plus, whatever his sombre thoughts, he had no right to tell her how to direct her life or whom to spend time with. He knew that and didn't want to be the kind of person that would hinder her. He knew.

It was her freedom to respect, and he should never have crossed that line. He had to set his priorities right. His jealousy should never threaten her feelings ever again. He couldn't hurt her. He just couldn't. He loathed at his previous behaviour once more. How could he have let his petty feelings dampen her smile? Just look at her.

She looked so subdued, which was a rarity for her. So pitiful with her barely concealed sad eyes and her cold still shaking form, that he felt like he had stepped on a kitten. She was trying to hide it, as always, and the fact she could not, on this moment did not escape him. She always could. So either she trusted him enough to be vulnerable around him or it had cut too deep, making unable to hide her true feelings. Either way, he felt even more of a monster. He was the worst.

What could he say to make her understand? To help and appease her? To make her acknowledge he was fully at wrong here?

How could he express it without bursting absolutely everything that was on the tip of tongue? How he had fucked up, how he didn't mean even a quarter of it, how he regretted his words, and never wished to pain her. How seeing her in pain was shattering his insides out. How he cherished her. How he would do anything to take back his words. How he longed to see her smile, and erase her doubts forever. How he longed for her. How she could probably make him her slave if she so much as asked him.

He looked at her but when she didn't he could not bear it longer.

That defeat look has to disappear.

He stood from his seat and migrated until he was facing her, seeing puzzlement glimmering in her eyes for a second instead of the hurt that was cuddled in before. Then he squatted down in front of her until he was kneeling on one knee, having the pleasure of seeing her frazzling at his sudden move. At least, it was distracting her.

He needed to find the words. He took back her hands in his.

…

"I was fully out of line, I should have trusted you…"He began again.

She was trying to comprehend this. This dramatic exaggeration and weird turn of events.

When he had found her, her first reflex had been to try to collect her wits, but he just did not want to relent. And now that she was all-too-ready to gloss over the whole thing, he was going at it like a dog at an unexpected chip of tasty bone found and perfect to gnaw on. First, seriously, why did he have to find her when she was crying of all things?

She would just have needed a few minutes and she would have been all good. And yes, as expected, he had rushed to apologize as she knew he would. And true too, despite knowing he was genuine in his words, she had a hard time believing them completely. He had just found her crying and she could not help but to think he was just trying to comfort her. Because even if their quarrel disappeared in the remnants of time passed, the nasty truth would still dangle its rotting face in front of her. He didn't place on equal footing enough to trust that on a situation he considered dangerous, she would be able to fend for herself. She was just a little girl to be protected to him.

But even that revelation hurt her, they didn't need to talk about it and he didn't need to grovel at her feet. In fact, she just wanted to forget it all, like it had never happened. Dwelling on unsolvable thing was pointless. Putting the dirt under the proverbial carpet, yes.

So she felt especially racked when he suddenly stepped in front of her, and knelt down on one knee in this dramatic gesture and engulfed her cold hands in his overly warm and huge ones. Looking all sorry, squashed and subdued as he wanted to make himself as unimpressive as possible. Not that it worked. But he was really trying.

What? How?

Her hands shook to the rhythm of her quaking emotions under his boiling palms. He was threading unfair moves like pearls on a necklace.

"What – … why are you … what are you doing, stand up!" She extruded out and grimaced at the amount of distress she could hear in her own voice as she let out that. "Ren, what are you doing on the ground?! Stand up!" She let out again and wanted to slap herself at the worsening shrieking tone her voice was rooting itself on, "There is no need for that! Come on!" She said again feeling more and more unsettled when he refused to bulge and just looked at her patiently. She tried to take back her hands then when it failed, to pull him up with them but he resisted her, in-caging her fingers even more firmly.

"I was fully out of line, I should have trusted you," He started when he saw she wasn't resisting it anymore but she still shook her head.

"It's okay, really, I – "

He tightened his grip on her, cutting her sentence.

"It is not. I hurt you and I shouldn't have said what I said," He admitted so heartily she felt even worse for taking it to heart when she could see how guilty he felt now. It was not his fault if she had lost it and had taken it to heart. "I was worried and my words went far beyond what I meant but it is still no excuse for what I said." He added with some sort of vibrant insistence that made her want to hug him better until he wouldn't look as if the task imposed on him was torturing his soul.

She nodded without a word. She did not want him to make this face. He was not at fault. Okay, he hadn't been the nicest in the way he phrased things but she was the one that had been overly sensitive. And she knew very well why she had. She didn't quite believe it has only been misplaced worry but the faster she pretend to be okay, the faster he would.

"It was – … Irrational of me," he continued, "But no matter what I thought of it, I never meant to hurt you."

He gave her knowing eyes when she nodded again, that told her her little pretence was not working before pursuing.

"But even if I had been right, which I wasn't," he stretched, searching for her eyes before adding, "I still had no right telling you how to act or whom to invite in."

"Right." She replied numbly, and tearing her gaze away his.

"I mean it."He insisted.

"Okay." But she didn't look back at him.

He said nothing but as seconds ticked by, she could feel his firm gaze on her profile, never wavering and it eventually cracked at her nerves. She turned back to him.

He smiled innocently and rubbed his thumb on the back of her hand.

"I-I was an idiot, and, of course I trust you. I know you would know how to pick the right things and the right people for you." He rushed out, and she had the weird conception for a second that he was nervous and he shook his head and fumbled over his words a little. "I never doubted you. It's the others I don't trust, not you. Never you."

She nodded, and he pressed her hands.

"I trust you. I know you would have been able to handle your own if something had got sour," He said again and her hands quaked again as she saw the faith in his eyes, "I shouldn't have commented on this, I was just – … I never doubted you."

"Please, believe me." He said again when she only nodded again, and she could see the concern swim in his eyes. Now, she felt like the poison wasn't in her veins but herself as she prevented him to have a peaceful life.

"I-I do. I believe you."

And she did, she believed him. She thought it was possible his worry had overpassed his words. But it didn't change much. Even if he hadn't meant those words, it didn't mean the rest was false. If he had been so worried, it was because he wanted to protect her, right? It was cute and yet not. He couldn't protect her from the world. Especially not its cruelty. And this over-need to protect her, didn't it totally mean he indeed saw her as a kid?

She sighed and nodded again, feeling resignation slowly settle in. It wasn't like she could change that. It was like that, and that was it.

But then, she felt a grazing caress on her cheek, and realized it was Ren's hand. The pads of his fingers rough yet soft against her skin as he inclined oh-so-lightly her face to grab back her eyes and attention.

"You do?"

She nodded again, managing to bring a tight smile to her face.

He rubbed his thumb on the humidity left from earlier, looking at her with an acute expression, trying to discern something. Pondering and weighing his words as if they were weapons as he scrutinized her like he wanted to strip her soul bare.

She resisted the pull. But after a minute or so, she began to squirm under this new form of torture.

"… I'd like to – … address something else, something that you said," he eventually added under her unsaid question, and started anew with the slow brushes on her hands. It was driving her mad.

"What gave you the idea I saw you as a child?" he inquired after much silent cogitation, and giving her time to think half a dozen horrendous scenarios.

But she just arched a brow pointedly in answer when this came out. This did not even deserve a reply if he wasn't able to see it.

He pressed her hands.

"I don't."

"Right."

"I really don't," He repeated, "I know you are a proper adult and can make your own decisions. And yes, I should not have had any business in interfering or telling you how to lead your life. But just because I – … couldn't stop myself doesn't mean I consider you a child."

Oh, he was smooth. Very smooth. But even if what he said was all true, even if he meant it, she didn't think it nullified the way he treated her. He might just not be conscious of it. And she has yet to believe him completely he wasn't trying to appease her one way or another.

"Right," she recited and nodded for good measure, hoping he would think she was buying his words this time.

He sighed profoundly, looking aggravated.

"You are an adult." He said firmly. "I know better than anyone how much you evolved and matured. I can see it each time we are together. And even if I can imagine my behaviour might not always have been in accordance to that belief, then I'm at fault for that."

She shot him a dubious look.

He shook his head and smiled at her.

"Just because you are younger than me doesn't mean I don't have eyes. In many areas, you far more mature than me," he admitted, "and that was even the case for some things before you left".

She tried to reject the concept but he cut her before she could pronounce more than a syllable of protest, tightening his grip again.

"You are. You are very independent and one of the strongest people I know and kind and stubborn as a bull, and I'm sorry if you felt insulted by me butting in. You are an incredible beautiful woman."

She coloured at the assault of compliments sprouting out like flowers from his mouth, and mimicked his head's move of earlier.

"What are you saying now…"

He ignored her comment and followed through.

"I mean it," he insisted with such an earnest that she felt herself leaning toward the emotion she could feel and see ebbing away from him. "Yes, I was worried but not because I didn't trust you, it's other people I don't trust and I was overprotective, I admit and – "

She frowned before crossing her arms in front of her.

"We really need to go to the gym so I can show you I can perfectly defend and fend for myself." She decided. If it was the only way to reassure him that she could protect herself so be it.

He grinned at that and bowed his head slightly.

"It will be my pleasure to prove my point like that," he taunted her in a teasing tone, "and we do have to rehearse for the fight scene."

She squinted her eyes at him.

"You're on."

He nodded a bit too gleefully before turning serious again.

"My point was, I was wrong." He said. "I was worried and overprotective but this is no excuse." He rubbed his neck, looking like he was mulling over again before he bared something else. "I might also have been a little possessive…"

She remained staring, confused. Now, what did he mean by that? Of all things to explain his reaction … what could he be possessive about?

She angled her head in bafflement.

"Possessive?" She asked, and couldn't help letting her lips breach when bloomed on his face the most adorable tiny hue as he turned embarrassed. He even shuffled a bit on his stand, looking nearly ordinary awkward for once.

"Of what?" She asked, hoping he would make it clearer, and an indulgent smile graced his face.

"Of you."He replied softly.

Dazed, her mind tried to reconcile what he was saying and to latch to something coherent in all of this but failed. She pointed at herself for confirmation again, and he laughed.

"How? Why?" She rubbed at her face, utterly at sea with this new chip of information. Completely flustered and perturbed that what she was. It did not make sense. She stared back at him, shooting him a begging glance to untangle this, and his soul seemed to leave him with the next bout of mingled sigh and chuckle that escaped him. He let his head drop on her knee and she was reminded he was still kneeling on one knee. She wanted him to stand. She didn't like the feeling of him being below. Not in this situation. She wanted him to consider her as an equal, not crawl at her feet. She didn't like this feeling. He needed to stand up.

"Please stand." She reiterated, pulling at his forearms, "You don't need to stay down there."

But once more, he resisted her pull. He nodded a no and looked up and back at her.

"You are my closest friend, Kyoko," he started anew, "and I'd dare to say we share a unique bond." He waited before pursuing like he thought she might have protested. As if. She was all too happy to hear this coming out from his mouth, and her heart all too eager to twist into more than what it was.

He continued.

"And sometimes, sometimes I have the desire that we'd stay only the both of us," he mumbled out looking conflicted and angry at himself as he added, "to keep you all to myself."

"… To stay in our own bubble, away from everyone and anyone…" He finished, his composure more dishevelled that she had ever seen him.

Was it wrong that she did not care about anything else anymore? That from this instant, everything and anything was forgiven and forgotten? Was it wrong that she was melting to the core? Was it wrong? Probably.

But she did not care.

Never words had meant so much to her before.

She knew it wasn't all what she wished it would be. But to know he still considered their bond a little special … oh, to know he wanted her all to himself…

Even in the restricted view it was.

So precious…

Those words were so precious to her.

"I know it's selfish," he said after a second, "And I'm sorry for what I said, I never meant to hurt you. But know I never considered you wouldn't be capable of taking care of yourself. Quite the opposite in fact. You are amazing, never doubt that. Even if my behaviour is problematic. Please believe me."

She had never wanted to kiss him as much as this moment.

"… I do." She choked out and felt tears coming back from a far different reason.

He looked shocked for a second and seemed ready to apologize again until he saw her give him a wavering but genuine smile.

Then, he knelt down fully and opened his arms. He brought her closer and took her in his arms until she was straddling his knees resting on the ground. And she let him. She just pushed herself even closer and embraced him as she caged his neck in her arms and hid in its crook. Too much.

It was too much.

He held her against him without a protest, rubbing her back and head, and brushing at her tangled hair soothingly and endlessly. She heard him mumbled apologies again and again, and that when she realized she was shaking a bit. She let out a sob.

"Shhh… I'm sorry, I was an idiot… I'm sorry."

She sniffled, trying to find back a semblance of composure but couldn't.

"Idiot unfair fairy." She said before hugging him tighter.

He let out a sad chuckle and returned the hug.

"Yes. I'm an idiot. I'm sorry. It was irrational. I didn't mean it." He said in a hurried tone, and rubbed her back again. "Don't let my idiocy get to you."

She mock-hit his back and let out a quaking breath. Nearly there.

"Idiot." She said again and she would have sound normal it another sniffle hadn't escaped her again. Traitorous body. She clutched at the back of his shirt, and held on for dear life. Come on girl, get a grip.

"Shhh…" He said again in an achingly soft tone, and brushed her hair down again. "I'm sorry."

They stayed just like that for a little longer then, eventually, Kyoko placed her hands on his shoulders and pulled back slightly, finding she had grabbed back at her emotions enough. She offered Ren a small embarrassed smile, and again, he brushed away some strand and placed it under her ear.

"You okay?"

She nodded sheepishly.

"I'm okay."

"You sure?"

She nodded again.

"I'm sorry." He said again, looking at her with concern written all over the face. She smiled wider.

"I'm okay, Corn."

He rubbed his nose against hers, relief slowly making its way on his face.

"You promise?"

"I promise."

"If I'm being an idiot again, you can just hit to put me back into place, okay?"He cracked.

She chuckled, and his eyes glowed.

"You are silly. I don't want to hit you."

"I think we have established that." He said with an exaggeratedly rigid empowering posture. Then he made weird faces at her.

She grinned. If he thought she didn't know what he was doing. Stop being cute!

But he turned serious again and locked his gaze with her.

"I do trust you." He affirmed. "More than anyone."

She nodded, throat in a clutch.

"I'm sorry for being oversensitive this time."

He frowned but didn't let go of her gaze.

"No. You weren't." He stated with something akin to violence in his eyes. "And I was a jerk."

"But – "

"Don't apologize, please."

She was about to protest again. If she had understood his reasons, she wouldn't have reacted as strongly after all. But he looked so adamant on this that she just nodded once more. But maybe she could share a little bit too. She wanted to explain what she could at least.

"If I was sensitive it was because I – "

"You don't have to justify yourself," Ren softly cut in, "with the way I acted, it would be more abnormal if you had taken it well."

She smiled but kept her gaze insistent and unconsciously pushed up on her knees to rise a bit above. Which made her hair fall into her face and she blew at them annoyingly.

He put them back in place with laugh dancing in his eyes.

"You don't have to, but okay."

She let her finger glide on the top of his shoulder to distract herself from her nervousness – not really aware of her move – , and tried to summon the right words to express what she wanted to say without divulging the ugly iceberg behind.

"I was a bit too sensitive when I thought you were treating me like a child because – …" She started and paused, taking a deep breath. "Because it matters to me you don't see me as one. Because I want to be on – … equal footing with you." She finished, the voice a quake of nerves. It was as close as she could scout to the full truth without him guessing everything.

She felt the soft pads of his long fingers caress her cheeks as he strongly encased her face in both of his hands before their gazes collided again.

He stared at her as if he wanted to scorch the truth of his next statement into her eyes. Burning and blinding.

He kept her face in his hands, hummingbird beating in her chest, eyes rooted into the other; as his lips moved.

"I'm swearing to you right here, right now: I don't see you as a child. And you are far more than my equal."

The moment stretched into immobility until she was able to lightly moved her chin in a nodding movement. Then he let go. Her chest felt sore for too many loops, up and down but having the new knowledge she now possessed made her far too giddy. A new little treasure, a new moment to cherish, a new trust in her bond with him. She hugged him again and felt his hands threading in her hair in reflex and he let out a short chuckle.

That's about when she realized the position they were in and how cold his hands had been. She pushed back and stood, trying not to blush neither to think about how they had been sitting. Even if it was impossible. It was rooted in her mind.

She proposed him her hand and he stood too.

"We should head back, your hands are ice." She said. "You must be freezing. I'm giving you back your coat."

"I'm good."

But she didn't let him stop her, and presented him back his coat.

"Alright," he said, reluctantly taking back the soft warm cloth, "Let's head back."

"Are you sure you are alright?" He inquired once more just before they got out.

She glowed back a smile and nodded. He looked dazzled for a second and it was her turn to ask if he was okay.

"I'm good," he said and led her outside the patio then back in the main building, "I'm treating you to lunch if you permit it. I will eat double portion or more if you want me."

She laughed, all anguish forgotten.

"It's a deal."

Two days later.

She hooked her bag to her shoulder and pulled the little trolley behind her as a grey Porsche parked in front of her.

PS: Hello everyone. Yes, i know it has been a while. But i never forgot you all. I was very busy with the holidays and with my mum situation. But here I'm, rising from the deads with a new chapter. I'm sorry you had to wait so long. I hope everyone had great holidays and i wish all of you a merry new year full of success, merriment, joy, love and happiness.

As always, i won't make any promesses on the release schedule as i don't want to disappoint anyone if something happen(aka, damn cursed health) and i can't respect that date.

But as a treat, this chapter is a bit longer. I hope it will satisfy the anguish i gave everyone with the last chapter. I know, i know, i'm playing with your poor heart. But you all know by now that i'm sadistic, don't complain.

This chapter being complicate also explain why it took me longer. I wanted to give it justice, to respect the feelings of the characters and not rushed it so i had to make it exactly the way it needed to happen.

But the good new to everyone is that next chapter we are entering first trip- ski trip- of this story. The first because we still have more or less two big arcs before getting into the final stage of part 2 of this story. And then up to part 3. So stay with me. I know what you are all waiting for but a little patience. hehehe. Smirk. i know, i'm cruel.

Lot of kisses and see you soon hopefully.

Mimagfan.

AUTHOR OUT.