A/N: Revised as of 4/15/2024

"Owowow! Sthap pinthing my cheeths! I'm sowwy! Kasuma-saaaan!"

Aqua pleaded as Kazuma stretched her cheeks up and down, causing her to make various humorous faces, but the boy didn't have the luxury to enjoy the girl's funny expressions.

"Darkness is being forced to marry that noble's son!? Why didn't you tell me!?"

Naruto angrily berated Kazuma.

That's right. Darkness had shown up the previous day wearing such a fancy dress, they had hardly recognized her. But then she had revealed that she would be holding an arranged marriage meeting at the Dustiness household with Alderp's son.

Kazuma planned on withholding this information from Naruto for the obvious reason that he would most likely overreact and stir up trouble. After all, Naruto had that generic shonen protagonist vibe.

But Aqua instantly spilled the beans, which completely foiled Kazuma's plan of using her to keep Naruto occupied today. He had even convinced the girl to make Naruto take her to a fancy restaurant with a long waiting list and everything.

Now Kazuma had a wailing goddess in his face and a screeching ninja at his back. This was definitely not a very fun morning.

"Megumin! Don't tell me you're okay with this too!"

Seeing as Kazuma was too occupied with Aqua to respond, Naruto turned his fury towards Megumin, who was currently cleaning the table that Kazuma was previously sitting at.

"Of course not! Darkness will be returning soon to fetch us, so join us Naruto! Together, we will go to this marriage interview and firmly decline!"

Megumin declared with a thumbs up, earning a nod of approval from the shinobi.

'Oh no… I forgot how well these two resonated in situations like these. I need to find a way to get rid of Megumin before she gives Naruto anymore ideas…'

Kazuma thought when a gasp came from the entrance of the mansion.

The group turned to see Darkness standing in the doorway wearing a similar dress to the one that she had worn the previous day, along with a massive blush on her face.

"Wh-wh-what's Naruto doing here!?"

The noblewoman asked, her flustered gaze fixated on the ninja.

'Hang on… What's with this cute/shy reaction? Is she like that because Naruto is seeing her in a dress? Why didn't she act like this around me, yesterday?'

Kazuma grumbled to himself while Naruto tilted his head to the side.

"Who are you?"

"!"

Darkness clenched her dress in response to Naruto's expected obliviousness, and Kazuma couldn't help but palm his face.

Of course Naruto wouldn't recognize Darkness since even her party members didn't recognize her when she was wearing such a fancy dress for the first time.

"I-I appreciate the forgetful play, but like I told Kazuma yesterday, now isn't the time for that!"

Darkness cried out with a half-happy, half-troubled smile.

"P-play…? Is that Darkness-What? H-hey! What are you doing Kazuma!?"

Right when Naruto recognized who the blushing woman was, he felt a pair of hands on his back, pushing him past the blushing girl and towards the door.

"Yes, this is our one and only Lalatina-"

"D-don't call me that!"

"-Now if you don't mind, our party needs to start planning our strategy."

Yup. Kazuma was going to pull that card. The "this is our party, so you don't have anything to do with it" card. It was a cold move, especially since Naruto only wanted to help. But that was precisely why he needed to leave since Kazuma already had a plan. One that Naruto would most likely oppose.

Shonen protagonist, remember?

"W-wait! I want to help Darkness too! That Alderp guy is bad news! Let me come with!"

Naruto stuttered and gripped onto the door frame as Kazuma continued to push him out.

"Wait, you want to help? That's different from what Kazuma said yesterday…"

Darkness muttered, and all gazes turned towards the boy in question.

A cold sweat ran down Kazuma's neck as he felt the cold stares on his back.

Even Aqua, who had retreated to the couch next to the fireplace out of boredom of the conversation, was staring at him in disdain. She didn't have to know what was going on to understand that Kazuma had done something scummy again.

Kazuma's mind was racing.

Now they knew that he had made Darkness think that Naruto wouldn't be against the arranged marriage.

His reasoning? The ninja would likely think that a man with a good reputation like Alderp's son would do good for her weird personality.

But of course, this was just Kazuma's opinion, and why he planned to make this marriage interview a success no matter what. He was tired of having a perverted Crusader who couldn't land any attacks in his party! If Darkness went off and got married, then she would be forced to retire as an adventurer!

But everyone just keeps getting in the way!

"Kazuma, you…"

Just as Naruto was about to verbalize his thoughts, a shout came from outside of the mansion.

"Kazuma Satou! Is Kazuma Satou here?"

Taking advantage of the distraction, Kazuma moved past Naruto to welcome the newcomers with open arms.

It was Sena, and she was standing at the entrance of the mansion with a pair of constables standing behind her.

"Ah, well if it isn't Sena-san! What can I do for you today?"

"Y-you sure seem to be in a good mood…"

Sena stuttered at the man's disturbingly cheeky grin. She then cleared her throat before getting back on track.

"Ahem! There have been sightings of strange-looking monsters surrounding the town. Do you know anything about it?"

"Woah woah woah! You come knocking at my door this early in the morning and suspect me of being related to some random monster sightings!?"

His chirpy demeanor dropping dead, Kazuma barked at the police officer for accusing him of such nonsense. Lately, this woman has been unrightfully accusing him of a bunch of problems and forcing him and his party to help them. Just the other day, his party was almost eaten by giant toads because of this!

Sena seemed to be taken back by the boy's sudden attitude change, but she quickly regained her senses and firmly held her ground.

"Lady Dustiness may have covered for you during the trial, but you're still a suspect of being under demonic mind control. Besides, matters such as this should be no trouble for an adventuring party that played big roles in the defeat of two high bounty targets."

What she said was technically right, but their victory over the Dullahan was mostly out of luck. But if he were to say that, then he wouldn't be able to brag about it at the adventurer's guild anymore.

"T-then what about Naruto!? He was prosecuted just like me! In fact, you arrested him first! So why aren't you making him help you with all these monster attacks!?"

"Eh!? N-N-Naruto Uzumaki-san is here too!?"

Sena stammered while unconsciously taking a step back upon noticing the blonde standing behind Kazuma.

…Hey. What's up with this kind of reaction again?

"Oh, you're the police lady that arrested me!"

Naruto said and bopped a fist into his hand when he remembered who this woman was.

It seemed he had been trying to recall Sena's identity this whole time.

"Y-yes… I apologize for my unjust actions, Naruto Uzumaki-san. I hope that you can forgive me for the trouble I have caused you."

Sena apologized with a ninety-degree bow, with the two officers behind her mirroring her actions.

"N-no, it's okay. You were only doing your job."

Naruto responded awkwardly while scratching at his whisker marks, his eyes drifting towards Aqua who had gone back to watching the flames of the firepit. Though he said that, just thinking back to the things that he was forced to admit was embarrassing.

Kazuma, on the other hand, was fuming. Why was Naruto getting special treatment!? Again! It wasn't fair!

"If that is all you've come here for, then you'll have to excuse us. Our party member is going through a difficult situation right now, and we must support her. Including Naruto."

Megumin said to the police lady, her eyes pinning on Kazuma at the last part.

It seems like Naruto was going to be coming with them to Dustiness household no matter what…

'No, wait! I can still get rid of Megumin for today! That way I'll be able to somewhat keep Naruto from doing something that'll bite us in the butt later!'

Kazuma's eyes gleamed for a second before he leaned over to Naruto.

"Hey, convince Megumin to go with Sena. She probably won't listen to me right now, but she'll listen to you."

"What? Why should I? So it'll make it easier for you to pawn off Darkness to that perverted noble's son?"

Naruto asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

Damn this guy! High intuition was not supposed to be a shonen protagonist trope. Was he just being stubborn!?

"N-no… You misunderstood that earlier, but I'll explain myself later. Megumin hasn't fired off her Explosion magic yet today, and we're going to Darkness's family's home. What do you think might happen if she blows a fuse while we're there?"

Hearing Kazuma's reasoning, Naruto gulped. While he was skeptical about trusting Kazuma right now, the boy had a solid reason for not wanting to bring Megumin to such a prominent place. One that he couldn't help but agree with.

After all, Megumin was the type of mage that would use Explosion magic on a carnival game.

"…Hey, Megumin. Come here for a second."

Some time later...

"Are you sure you want to go through with this, Lalatina?"

"Of course, father. I, Lalatina, have decided to attend the meeting for the arranged marriage."

"…Pfft!" x3

After leaving Megumin to go with Sena and the other officers to investigate the monster sightings, Darkness led the rest of the party, and Naruto, to her home.

Upon entering the Dustiness residence, the group was greeted by Darkness's father. He was a tall middle-aged man with blonde hair and blue eyes with slight wrinkles on his face.

They tried to remain professional, as they were in the presence of their friend's father, who was a high ranking noble, but hearing Darkness's father calling her "Lalatina," and then Darkness referring to herself as such was almost too much for the others to handle. They could barely hold in their laughter.

It was just such a cute name! So unfitting for the hopeless Crusader that they knew!

As Darkness shot her friends an embarrassed glare, her father raised an eyebrow.

"And they are?"

"These are my adventuring partners. Kazuma, Aqua, and Naruto. They agreed to help out with the meeting as temporary servants."

Darkness responded while gesturing towards said friends.

"Hm… Very well. We shall prepare the appropriate attire for them."

The noble said, and with a single glance, the maids that were on standby off to the side nodded and left the room.

"I will be in my chambers, father. Send for me when my friends are properly dressed."

Darkness said, and with a short bow, she excused herself from the room as well.

After watching his daughter leave, the head of the Dustiness family turned to Naruto and Kazuma. Aqua had wandered off to admire all the expensive-looking paintings and antiques in the room.

"Now then… Kazuma-san, and Naruto-san, was it? Allow me to properly introduce myself. I am Ignis Ford Dustiness. Regarding the arranged marriage, I was hoping I could entrust you boys to ensure the meeting's success."

Ignis said with a hopeful look in his eyes. They were the eyes of a father who wanted nothing than his daughter's happiness.

But…

"Sorry, sir. I don't mean any disrespect, but no can do! Darkness is a good friend of mine, so-"

"Ah, Naruto! Aqua's getting into trouble! Hurry and go stop her!"

"What!? H-hey, Aqua! Don't touch that expensive-looking vase!"

Just as Naruto was about to blurt out something unnecessary, Kazuma swiftly turned his attention towards Aqua, who was admiring a fancy vase on a pedestal.

"What? I didn't even touch it yet!"

"Yet!?"

While Aqua and Naruto began to argue, Kazuma let out a relieved sigh before turning back to Darkness's father, who had a rather confused look on his face.

"You'll have to excuse my friends, they're adventurers by heart. Now then, you were saying? About ensuring the meeting's success?"

"Y-yes, of course. Alderp may have a… Questionable reputation. But his son is a kind and respectable young man. It would put my aging heart at ease to wed my daughter off to a man with such a good reputation, and should the meeting succeed, I shall reward you properly."

"Hmm… Yes, I see. I completely understand-Wait, you'll reward us?"

Kazuma was caught entirely off guard by the man's sudden proposal.

A Reward? For getting rid of a useless party member?

"I will ensure our lady is well behaved this evening."

Kazuma finally responded after processing the sudden stroke of luck.

If this meeting was a success, not only would Darkness be married off and out of the party, but he'd also be getting a reward from a high ranking noble! With no debt to worry about, any compensation that they got from here on out was one-hundred percent profit!

Luck was finally looking his way!

On the other side of the room, Naruto stared at Kazuma suspiciously as the boy shook hands with Ignis.

It wasn't hard to figure out what Kazuma was scheming. After all, Naruto had spent a lot of time around Dust, and those two were quite similar. Especially when it came to money.

But with Kazuma trying to sell off Darkness, and Aqua's non-existent attention span, Naruto was on his own.

'Looks like I'm the only one that's trying to help Darkness… I better warn her about Kazuma-'

"Hey, I know it's hard for you not to lay your hands on me. But you can let go of me now. I promise not to touch anything, okay?"

Aqua assured in a soothing voice, like a mother would to her child running a tantrum.

Naruto blinked when he was pulled out of his thoughts, and he realized he was literally holding Aqua in his arms right now. Her tiptoes were just barely on the floor.

He had grabbed her in a bear hug when he thought she was about to grab the vase out of spite. But he had been so absorbed in his thoughts, he'd forgotten to put her down.

'What are those idiots doing?'

Kazuma thought when he noticed Naruto and Aqua when it hit him.

'Wait, that reminds me. If I can also get Naruto to take Aqua off my hands, then I'll be down to just one problem child!'

He'd have to make sure that they didn't cross the line and create the next Demon King, but that was a task for another day.

With that thought, a devilish smile crawled its way onto Kazuma's face.

"Ohoho… Are those two perhaps…?"

Ignis asked as he stifled a few chuckles into his gloved hand. At the same time, the maids returned with three sets of clothes. Two butler uniforms and a maid's outfit.

"Yes, yes. They're 'thing', but they just won't admit it. I think they need some time to get their feelings straight. In the meantime, let's take our conversation to the hall. We can retrieve your daughter on the way. Shall we, Lord Dustiness?"

Kazuma said and made a move to get the father to follow him into the hall, and the man was about to agree when the red-faced shinobi exploded into action.

"N-n-n-no need! I-I'll go get Darkness-Er, I mean Lalatina!"

Naruto stammered as he grabbed a pair of the butler's clothes from the maids and ran out the door, but not before coming back and shouting.

"Also, we're not a 'thing'!"

Slam!

After the sound of thumping footsteps faded away, a snickering sound came from the back of the room.

"Heh… That man just can't be honest with himself. Not that I blame him for acting like that around me."

Aqua chortled while shaking her head side-to-side.

'You're the last person who should be saying that.'

Kazuma thought with a twitching eyebrow.

Naruto sighed to himself as he walked down the long halls of the Dustiness estate with his head hung low.

Ever since they got back from Keele's Dungeon, it was getting harder and harder for him to deal with Aqua.

'Maybe I just need a vacation…'

'A vacation from what? You're feelings? You've grown soft, Naruto. You should already know the solution to your problem is-'

'I'm not killing Aqua.'

'…I was going to suggest taking on that supposedly challenging quest the guild woman had withheld from you until recently. But obliterating that nasty witch that you seem worship for reasons that even I cannot comprehend comes as a close second.'

'Why do all our conversations have to include either you complaining about being bored or you wanting to kill Aqua?'

'Hey, this is your fault for bringing me to this wonderfully boring world and falling for that fake goddess.'

'But you said you wanted to come with me! Also, I haven't fallen for anyone!'

'Sure. Keep telling yourself that, brat.'

Kurama finished with a snide remark before cutting off the mental connection, causing the blonde to growl in frustration.

It was true that things weren't exactly as he'd expected, but this world has been quite fun. At least that's what Naruto believed.

But none of that mattered right now! He had to warn Darkness about Kazuma's betrayal!

"Ah! I forgot to ask where Darkness's room was!"

Naruto had been so caught up in the moment he left to ask for directions.

Well, it looks like he had no choice but to search for it the old-fashioned way-

"Naruto? What are you doing out here? Why aren't you with the others?"

As if Lady Luck was giving him a blessing, Naruto turned to find Darkness standing in a newly opened door. She must have heard his shouting from inside her room that she came out to investigate.

"What!? That glorious fiend! He's trying to sell my body to be forever used by that noble's perverted son!?"

"Yeah! No, wait! No! You're mixing in some weird things there!"

After retreating into Darkness's room, Naruto explained that Kazuma was now probably working for her father while changing into the butler's outfit. He had the girl face the other way, of course.

Her response was an angry, yet strangely thrilled expression.

Was she seriously enjoying this situation? Just how far gone was this woman?

"But anyways, what are we going to do? I hate to admit it, but Kazuma's got me beat in this department. I can't think of a way to sabotage the meeting without making either family look bad."

Naruto asked with his arms crossed over his chest, which was now covered by the butler's attire. While it wasn't as orange as he would have liked, it fit him quite well. Maybe they'd let him keep it?

"Yes… Kazuma has a strange affinity towards making negotiations lean in his favor. No doubt that man has taken advantage of my father's annoying persistence of marrying me off to a nice man for a profit."

Darkness absentmindedly commented some terrible things while tapping her chin in thought.

Woah there. Apologize to both Kazuma and your father.

"Is Alderp's son actually a nice guy?"

Naruto found himself asking, deciding it would better to ignore what he had just heard.

"Yes, his reputation couldn't be more opposite to that of his father's. A caring nature, helpful to those around him, and even great with kids. I even heard that his looks rival that of the most handsome of nobles."

Darkness added while rolling her blue orbs because, in her eyes, such a man was too good for her tastes.

'Wait, so Darkness's father is trying to marry her off to a young man who's not only handsome but also kind… You know what? It's none of my business. I'm just gonna help her out because she's asking for it.'

After reassuring himself that he was in fact on the right side, Naruto went back to forming potential ideas.

"Hmm… I suppose we could try 'that'… Er, nevermind."

Naruto half-suggested before waving off the idea not even a second later. But this probed Darkness's curiosity.

"What is it?"

"No, nevermind. It was a dumb idea! Really!"

"Nonsense! I will abide by any ideas that you have, Naruto! No matter how terrible or shameful they may be! In fact, that only makes me want to know even more!"

"W-what…?"

Now Darkness was up in Naruto's face, demanding that he reveal his idea.

Was she getting the wrong idea about something? Gah! It was too hard to think with her breath right up in his face!

Why was dealing with this woman so difficult at times? Even if he didn't feel the same as he had felt about her from before the misunderstanding about her personality was cleared, the lack of personal boundaries still got to him!

"F-fine…! Just back up a little! You're too close!"

Naruto finally caved and stepped back a few paces before he started poking his fingers together awkwardly.

The sudden bashfulness caused Darkness to realize something that she should have realized a long time ago.

They were alone in her room, just the two of them. Again!

The last time she was alone in her room with Naruto was… and they… Oh god!

Darkness shuddered in anticipation.

What kind of deviant ideas were lurking inside this boy's mind to make him act so shy!? They were all alone, behind closed doors, with no one to disturb them!

What was he planning to make her do!?

Just thinking about all the potential outcomes was driving her crazy!

After building up the courage, Naruto formed the best smile he could muster, albeit slightly awkward.

"We could pretend to be dating? Hehe…"

. . .

"Tch… Still too pure…"

"Wha-Huh!?"

As if something threatened to snap deep inside of him, Naruto really felt like slapping this woman.

A/N: Oh Darkness… Never change.

By the way, did you guys like the pun in the title? :P

Time to see what Naruto and Darkness will do to crash this Wonderful arranged marriage interview!

See you in the next one!

B/N: Don't do it Naruto. You may or may not give in to your dreams if you do.