A/N: Revised as of 4/23/2024.

Onsen.

Kazuma could see it now… A beautiful city, full of bustling life and beautiful-

Hot Springs.

After all of this time, the hardships he had to face because of problem children he'd been forced deal with, he could relax in a-

Mixed Bath.

The image was wonderful.

The women in his party would no doubt skip out on such an opportunity, but he hardly saw them as women to begin with.

But!

There was an addition to his traveling group-

"Wiiiiiizzzz!"

Yes, Wiz. The hopeless shopkeeper who was notorious in town for burying herself in debt the harder she worked. Surely the kind and honest to a fault woman wouldn't mind sharing mixed bath-

"Hm?"

Kazuma was briefly brought out of his fantasies when he realized someone was causing an unnecessary ruckus to his right. It seemed Naruto somehow managed to ungag himself and was shouting at Wiz who very much looked like a burnt corpse right now.

That wouldn't do. How was he supposed to enjoy a mixed bath with a Lich that actually looked like an undead?

"Too much noise! Here, I'll use my Drain Touch to redirect some mana from you to Wiz."

Kazuma shouted and placed his hands on the backs of Naruto's and Wiz's necks. After just a few seconds, the woman's features began to revert back to normal.

"There, now she won't disappear. Probably. So keep it down, will ya?"

With his objective completed, Kazuma sat back down and closed his eyes to retreat back to his real fantasy world.

There, much better. There would be no skeletons in his hot spring. Just a woman with soft, supple skin and-

"Kazuma! You really don't know the horrors of that place! Even the Demon King's army keeps away from Alcanretia! The people… They're all like Cecily and Aqua!"

Naruto screamed while squirming in his seat, the rope tied snug against his form. He could always just break free and save himself, but he couldn't leave his friend to such a fate… He had to convince the guy somehow.

"Annoying! Why are you trying to get in the way of my vacation, huh!? If you don't want to enjoy the hot springs, then you can stay in the carriage or camp outside of the city!"

Kazuma barked as he was once again brought out of his hot spring fantasy.

"What vacation!? We're on a business trip, remember? Business! Keep your eyes on the prize, Kazuma! Don't be fooled by her lies!"

Naruto tried to convince Kazuma that he was making a mistake by letting Aqua have her way, but the guy seemed adamant on the idea of going to the hot springs and wouldn't budge. Not to mention all of the sweet promises Aqua had been whispering into Kazuma's ears. Just what was she telling him that was so convincing?

"Uh oh, it seems my master's gag was undone. Here, allow me to fix that for you."

Aqua said and started making her way over to Naruto, prompting the shinobi to panic.

"W-wait, Kazuma! Whatever she tells you, don't listen to her! The Axis Cult is cursed! It's CUR-MMMFFF!"

Naruto managed to say before Aqua replaced the gag over his mouth, a chirpy smile on her face.

Kazuma frowned. Why was that guy so against going to Alcanretia? Didn't he know that mixed baths were a man's romance? Then again, Wiz was coming with them. Was he worried about her?

Seeing the look of confliction on Kazuma's face, Aqua leaned over to him.

"Don't worry about my most gracious master, Kazuma-san. He's just so excited to get to the Beast Tamer village to battle. Such a silly master."

Aqua whispered with a shake of her head before returning to her seat next to Darkness and Megumin.

Yeah, this was Naruto they were talking about. The guy was as straight as an arrow and cared about nothing more than fighting and eating ramen. He probably wanted to skip this peaceful city to challenge all of the powerful beast tamers with Jerry.

Kazuma grinned to himself, proud that he was able to convince at least one person the glory that was battling monsters.

Just then, the carriage began to slow and the fold to the front of their carriage above the boy's heads opened.

"Sorry folks, but it looks like we have some monsters approaching from the to be a group of Running Hawkites. Just sit tight."

The driver's voice said through the opening before it closed again.

Kazuma looked out the window and noticed a cloud of dust in the distance.

Monsters? Another obstacle to his hot springs? Leaving the silly name of the monsters aside for now, they were adventurers… Did that mean they would be expected to fight?

"Not to worry, Kazuma-san. I made sure to purchase seats in the middle of the group. I used some money I found that was hidden under a bed at home. Also, there are hired adventurers on each end of our line. So please, just relax as they do all of the work."

Aqua commented, as if reading her party leader's mind.

"Oh! Nicely done, Aqua! I must say, you're quite agreeable toda-Wait, whose money did you use?"

Kazuma complimented the goddess when he realized what she'd said.

"Oh course. Just who do you think I am?"

Aqua smugly brushed a lock of her hair over her shoulder.

"Hey, that doesn't answer my question. Whose bed was it?"

Kazuma persisted, but Aqua was too absorbed in herself to hear him. He'd make her suffer his Steal if she found his secret savings.

"Hmf."

Naruto's muffled voice could be heard, and he was staring at Aqua with a flat expression that clearly stated "weren't you supposed to be MY maid?".

"Wow! There's so many! This would be the perfect chance to test out my recently upgraded Explosion magic!"

Megumin exclaimed while sticking her head out the window.

"Hey, maybe we should help after all… There seems to be a lot of monsters out there."

Darkness added while looking over Megumin's shoulder.

Both girls turned to their party leader expectantly.

"No way! We paid good money for these seats, and I'm on vacation-mode now! Those adventurer's can do their job and protect us-"

Just then, some shouting could be heard outside of the carriage.

"There's more coming from the other side! It's a herd of Lizard Runners!"

"T-there's a Princess Runner! Wasn't the adventurer's guild supposed to have taken care of it by now!?"

Kazuma stiffened.

Princess Runner? Why did that sound so familiar to him… and why was he suddenly super anxious?

Flashback…

"Ah! I'm Kazuma Satou! The great adventurer who played a big role in the defeat of THREE high bounty targets! TWO Demon King Army Generals! So why is it always like 'Naruto this'!? 'Naruto that'!? What about me!? Am I getting the thanks I deserve!?"

Kazuma, in a drunken fit of rage, ranted to no one in particular before draining another pint of alcohol. Letting out a satisfying sigh, he slammed the tankard on his table.

"Yeah! I took part in so many dangerous quests while in that guy's party! Do you know how many times I almost died!? Where's my harem of beautiful women, huh!? I'm gonna start spreading rumors about that bastard again, THEN he'll see!"

Kazuma's drinking buddy, Dust, said and mirrored the action. He let out a lengthy belch upon finishing his beverage and tossed it to the side in frustration.

"You really get me, Dust! We gotta do something or we'll be left behind by that fake ninja! Something that'll bring us the respect we deserve!"

Kazuma suggested and slung an arm around his buddy's neck.

"You and me, Kazuma pal… We're the only people who aren't complete fools in this town! Let's team up and show everyone the true heroes of Axel!"

Dust replied, slinging his arm around his friend as well. The boys then proceeded to wobble over to the reception desks of the guild, nearly tripping over each other during the process.

Luna, ever professional, smiled as the drunken duo slammed their hands on her desk.

"Luna… burp... san! We need a quest that's… Causing a lot of trouble for people!"

"That's right… That's right! Whatever needs to be done… Hick! We'll… do it!"

Kazuma and Dust demanded through slurred sentences, the alcohol in their system suddenly taking a much stronger effect.

This was a daily occurrence for the head receptionist of the adventurer's guild of Axel, so Luna didn't even bat an eye at the strong scent of alcohol in their breaths. She simply nodded and pulled out a piece of paper from behind the desk.

"That's perfect, because I was hoping you and your party could take care of something for me Kazuma-san."

She revealed and held the paper out to Kazuma, who eagerly snatched it from her hand and started reading it through his blurry vision.

"He… Hey! Wubbout me…Oof!"

Dust began to say, but Kazuma pushed the distraction to the side. It was lights out for the delinquent adventurer as his already unstable form fell to the floor.

"Shh… The pweety Receptionist Onee-san asked the hero for a favor… Hick! If I do this quest, will I get a favor in… Hick! In return…?"

Kazuma, his face now bright red from the liquor, leered at the woman's chest without a hint of shame. In his mind, he was being sneaky. But alcohol did wonders to one's vision and sense of awareness.

"Kazuma-san, that's sexual harassment. Perhaps you would like to spend a night or ten in prison instead?"

Luna asked, her smile seemingly becoming sweeter.

This sent a chill down Kazuma's spine, and he straightened up his posture and saluted the very kind and patient receptionist.

"M-my party will complete this quest in the good name of the guild!"

Having said his part, Kazuma pocketed the quest sheet and started pulling Dust by the ankles back to their table.

"Wha-Ouch! Ouch! My clothes caught on a nail! They're gonna rip! They're gonna riiiip!"

Dust woke up from the movement and started shouting.

The two would then continue on drinking the rest of the night, complaining about the unobtainable receptionist and her supreme authority over the adventurers until they blacked out from the alcohol.

Reaching into the pocket of his adventuring pants, Kazuma pulled out a stained and crumpled quest sheet from his pocket and read:

Bounty: Princess Runner!

A Princess Runner has appeared! The mating season has begun for the Lizard Runners and have thus begun their mating ritual in the form of a great race! This competition has been dealing great damage to the surrounding settlements and farmlands. Caravans are hesitant to travel in fear of the Lizard Runners challenging their horses. Please take out the Princess Runner so that the reptiles will stop racing!

Reward: 100,000 Eris for the Princes Runner SLAIN

Bonus: 15,000 Eris for every Lizard Runner slain

Deadline: 3 Days to complete

. . .

"Oh! Now the Lizard Runners are racing the Hawkites! I wonder which one's faster…"

"That warrior was just trampled by that Lizard Runner… Why wasn't it me!?"

Megumin and Darkness marveled at the chaos that was unfolding outside their carriage with envious eyes. The mage turned a suspicious gaze towards the Crusader, who averted her gaze.

Aqua crossed one leg over the other, a cup of tea in her hands. She shook her head at her teammates disapprovingly.

"You both are as excitable as children on a snowy morning. I, for one, am glad that we won't be partaking in such barbaric-"

"Alright, you lot! We're taking part in this fight!"

Kazuma suddenly shouted, interrupting the goddess who dropped her tea cup out of pure shock.

"EH!? Why!?"

"Yes! I knew you still had that adventurous spark in you, Kazuma!"

"Leave the distractions to me! Even if the Lizard Runners and Hawkites begin to trample me, don't hesitate! I can tank it!"

Aqua broke character and wailed as the other two expressed their excitement to be finally be a part of the action.

"Where's your pride as an adventurer, Aqua? We can't just sit here idly as our comrades are being trampled! Let's go!"

Kazuma barked out and opened the door to their carriage, surprising their driver who had been too distracted by the battle to have heard their conversation.

"Wha-valued customers!? Please, stay inside! The adventurers who were paid to defend this caravan group will fight the monsters!"

"No can do, old man! As adventurers, we have our own reasons to fight. Aqua, place buffs on Darkness so she can help bring the injured to safety and you can heal them! Megumin, get ready to cast your spell and don't fire until my mark! I'll try and take out the Princess Runner with my Snipe skill!"

Kazuma responded before barking out orders to his party members, and they hastily sprung into action. Aqua complained at first, but ultimately did as she was told in fear of being left behind.

Climbing to the top of the carriage to get a better vantage point, Kazuma assessed the current situation. The monsters had all formed one big line for some reason, with the Princess Runner in the front. He assumed it was the Princess Runner given the orange/red coloring it had compared to the indigo majority.

"The Lizard Runners are racing the Hawkites as a part of their mating ritual! They're trying to get ahead of them to impress the Princess!"

The driver said as they watched the herd of monsters run off after their assault, but they would soon be back.

"What's the deal with those Hawkites, anyway? What's with that name?"

Kazuma asked as he readied his bow and arrow, but it was hard to aim because they kept swerving… Ah, now they were running in a straight line. Why was that?

"I don't know, I didn't name them. But this is strange… The Running Hawkites don't seem to be bothered by the Lizard Runners for some reason. Hawkites like to run towards hard objects and bail at the last second, like a game of chicken. It almost looks like they're running towards something…"

The driver pondered aloud, and Kazuma stiffened again.

Hard things? Like, say, a knight wearing heavy armor that contained Adamantite which was one of the most durable materials in the world?

"Ah! That Crusader! She's in danger! Hey, look out missy!"

The driver suddenly shouted and pointed right at Darkness, who was currently helping an injured adventurer get back to the group.

Darkness, hearing the driver's warning, looked back to see that the monsters had begun to circle back and migrate in her direction.

"Oh my god… The fear struck that knight so hard she's smiling. She… She tossed that adventurer to the side and is now running away from the group! Is she planning to sacrifice herself to protect everyone!? H-hey, you alright kid? Are you that worried about your comrade? Is she your lover or something?"

The older man stopped mid sentence when he noticed Kazuma had covered his eyes with his sleeve and was visibly shaking.

'I'm sorry… It's my fault the Lizard Runners are here, and that pervert is just excited about getting trampled by so many monsters that are attracted to her armor.'

Kazuma thought to himself as he tried to hold back his uncontrollable sobs.

Hopping down from the carriage, Kazuma made a beeline for Darkness. He should be able to make it in time to stop that hopeless girl. With Aqua's buffs, Darkness would be fine-

Is what he would have said if it were only the Hawkites, who would simply jump over the girl at the last second in their game of chicken. But then what about the Lizard Runners!? Surely, they wouldn't stop and trample the knight to death.

Darkness was tough, solid as a rock even, but even she wouldn't be able to handle being run over by such a large mob of giant lizards.

"Ugh… Why does this world keep throwing hurdles at me like this!?"

"I know… I'm starting to think your luck stat might be forged on that adventurer's card of yours."

"!?"

Kazuma nearly tripped on his feet when a voice suddenly spoke out to him, and he turned to find Naruto running by his side with a cheeky grin on his face.

How did-No, he shouldn't be surprised that guy was able to escape his bindings.

"So? What's the plan, Kazuma?"

Naruto asked while eyeing the incoming line of monsters headed their way.

"We need to redirect them away from the caravans! The Hawkites apparently seek out hard objects and are headed straight for Darkness, and the Lizard Runners are racing the Hawkites!"

Kazuma responded and pointed towards the front of the herd. With the caravans halted like this, and the adventurers injured, they were sitting ducks. Even if the Hawkites avoided Darkness at the last second, the Lizard Runners would trample over her, the adventurers, and then into the caravans.

"Pfft…!"

Naruto had to cover his mouth upon hearing the reason behind the appearance of the Hawkites, taking a mental note to tease the knight about it later.

But that gave him an idea…

The two boys were nearly upon Darkness, who had discarded her sword and was standing firm in the line of the charging monsters.

Kazuma sighed. What was he going to do with that pervert?

It seemed the adventurer that she had pushed to the side was shouting something at her.

"Get out of the way, Crusader! There's too many of them! Just leave me here and save yourself!"

The man was dressed in light looking leather armor and carried a dagger at his side. A thief maybe?

"No! How could I, a knight that has sworn an oath to protect her comrades, possibly pass on such an opportunity like this!?"

Darkness shouted back without taking her eyes off the small army of monsters.

What opportunity? To protect your comrades, or experience getting trampled by a hoard of beasts? Kazuma really felt like slapping that "honorable" Crusader.

"Stop talking nonsense and get out of the-Eh?"

Kazuma began to slow down as they reached the knight, but he was surprised when Naruto charged right into her.

In one quick motion, Naruto slid on the dirt behind Darkness, tossed her into the air with a spin, then caught her on his shoulder without losing any speed.

"...What?"

Was all Kazuma could say as the blondes quickly became a dot in his vision, the trail of monsters following after them.

Then, he heard some scuffling behind him when a second duo ran past. Megumin, who had been thrown over the shoulder of what Kazuma presumed to be one of Naruto's clones, was kicking and screaming defiantly.

"Wha-Hey! Put me down! Kazumaaaaaa…!"

Megumin shouted after her party leader as she was carried off into the distance.

"Yes… I'm Kazuma."

The boy absently said out of reflex, his jaw hanging from what proceeded to occur.

Yes, he was Kazuma… and this was his life.

BOOM! x2

Two massive explosions went off in the distance, earning a collective gasp from the rest of the group.

Later that night…

"I demand a recount! I recently spent some skill points on boosting my Explosion magic! There's no way we could have tied!"

"I just want to point out that you used a staff, and I did not. So technically, I was playing at a disadvantage from the start."

Megumin and Naruto were debating who won their most recent showdown, which became quite heated when Darkness rallied up the monster counts on each of their adventurer's cards and declared a tie.

"You…! Let me see Naruto's card… Not even a single upgrade!? All these skill points again… You're level thirty!?"

The Crimson Demon snatched the card out of Darkness's hand before revealing some amazing things.

As soon as Naruto, Darkness, and Megumin had returned, their party had been showered with praise. Especially Naruto, when the other adventurers recognized him and started telling the passengers about his recent exploits. Some were even starting to call him a "hero".

The caravans were now camped on the side of the road for the night. A couple campfires had been lit, and split logs had been placed around the fires for people to sit on.

Now they were eating the food the lead caravan driver all but forced onto them as a thank you, with Wiz sleeping soundly in one of the tents.

"I don't know what some of these skills are, but I can see the Explosion upgrades are still an option! How dare you challenge me without being at your best! Don't worry, as your senpai in the path of Explosion, I'll select them for you-Ack!"

Megumin started speaking nonsense, so Naruto swiftly pounced on the girl and reclaimed his adventurer's card. Wouldn't want a rehash of the day he'd first learned Explosion magic.

Dusting his hands off, Naruto pocketed his adventurer's card before sitting back down near the fire. A shaky glass of neroid juice was readily offered to him by Aqua, who was kneeling on a mat seiza-style. A large rock had been tied to her thighs to keep her in position, using the same rope that had previously held Naruto captive.

"Ah, thank you Aqua. Now THIS is service befitting that of a maid."

Naruto said and took a sip of his favorite beverage, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

A gag had been placed over the goddess's mouth, so the teary Aqua let out a muffled noise and bowed her head. But it was clear she was reaching her limit, having been forced to maintain the same position for well over an hour now.

"Aqua really looks like she's struggling… L-let me take her place! As a holy knight, I can't stand by while my party members suffer-"

Darkness started saying, but was cut off by Naruto who raised a hand to her face.

"No way. You're just jealous of the position she's in, you weirdo. Besides, this is Aqua's punishment for going against her master's wishes and even tying me up. Isn't that right, Aqua?"

Naruto explained before patting Aqua on the head, and the girl nodded while offering a muffled apology.

"Weirdo…!? You have a lot of nerve calling me that after the stunt you pulled today! Manhandling a lady like that… Carrying me off to the middle of nowhere, where prying eyes couldn't watch… And a hoard of monsters in their breeding season chasing after us… If Megumin hadn't been there, surely… Ugh… You beast!"

Darkness started spouting such nonsense while squirming in her armor, earning a flat stare from the shinobi.

"You're the beast. Also, it was no wonder those Hawkites were after you, Darkness. You weigh more than a Rookie Killer hahaha!"

"T-t-take that back! It was my armor! My armor!"

As a teary eyed Darkness pounced on Naruto to exact revenge, Kazuma watched from the other side of the fire with a wry smile on his face.

The entire situation was his party's fault, he knew that. But once again, it took Naruto to bail them out. As much as Kazuma appreciated the support his friend had given him, he couldn't help but feel a twinge of jealousy.

Wasn't this supposed to be his story? He had a rough start to be sure, but eventually… Kazuma always thought that one day, his luck would turn and people would flock to him for once.

"Praise Kazuma, the hero!" They'd say. Shouldn't it already be like that? After all, his party had defeated the Dullahan without Naruto's help.

Kazuma sighed and picked at his bowl of stew. Maybe it was time to start taking this whole adventuring thing a little more seriously.

"Why so glum? Is your stew cold? I'll eat the rest if you don't want it."

Megumin asked while taking a seat next to her party leader.

Kazuma shrugged and offered the bowl to the girl, who readily snatched it from his hands and devoured the rest. Megumin was kind of like Naruto in a way. They were both so determined and always stayed true to their goals.

"Unlike you guys, I'm such a flake…"

Kazuma muttered and stared into the flames with a half-baked smile on his face, earning a questioning look on the mage's face.

"Of course. You're a lazy man who excels in underhanded battle tactics, and shamelessly barrage us women with sexual harassment under the guise of you supporting 'gender equality'. You complain and want to give up when times get tough."

Megumin responded without missing a beat.

"Brutally honest, as usual…"

Kazuma muttered through a bitter smile and gritted teeth.

"But you don't give up and always come through in a pinch, and despite your complaints, you do care about others. Which is a quality not a lot of people have in this world. I don't know why you were so motivated today, but you displayed that quality earlier when you asked Naruto to direct the Princess Runner away from the caravans. I know you don't want to rely on that man either, because I feel the same way."

Megumin added, her crimson gaze turning to Naruto who was currently fending off a fuming Darkness.

"Naruto is strong. So strong that it's infuriating how gifted he is with Explosion magic. He's not even fully dedicated to the beautiful art, yet he almost destroyed the same amount of monsters as me today… But that makes me want to try even harder. I won't fall behind my rival. I won't lose."

Eyes shining brighter than their campfire, Megumin made such a bold declaration under the moonlit sky.

It was then Kazuma realized that he wasn't the only one feeling this way. Explosion magic was Megumin's life. Of course she'd be frustrated seeing a guy match her power without much effort.

Together, they held a shared opposition in the form of the whiskered ninja whom they deemed a comrade.

Stupid hax-like abilities.

"You know, I think this is the first time you casually admitted Naruto was your rival. What happened to all of that 'self-proclaimed' nonsense? Also, didn't you guys tie today?"

Kazuma suddenly found himself saying, earning teary glare from the prideful mage of his party.

It was clear that he'd gone too far.

"Hahaha! Don't worry, my lips are sealed."

The boy promised and zipped his lips. He then stood up and stretched his limbs.

It was time to start getting ready for bed, they had a long day ahead of-

"Eh? What's this?"

After Naruto and Darkness had seemingly finished fighting, the knight spotted a shiny necklace on the floor and picked it up. It was silver and had various marks on it.

"Oh, that's mine. It must have fallen off when you so rudely tackled me."

Naruto said with a flat tone and reached his hand out to retrieve the pendant, but Kazuma beat the ninja to it and snatched the jewelry from Darkness's hand.

"...Hey. What is this?"

Kazuma asked, his expression void of emotion as he stared at the pendant in his hand.

"T-that's a necklace I got… From a friend?"

Naruto stuttered while rubbing the back of his head sheepishly, which was technically true.

"That's a magic item that attracts rare and powerful monsters. Its effect is dependent on the user's luck stat."

Megumin explained while looking over her party leader's shoulder, and Naruto's eyes shot to her in surprise.

"Ah! You said you wouldn't tell anybody if we had an Explosion showdown! Are you lashing out because we tied today!?"

Naruto shouted while pointing an accusing finger at the mage, who averted her gaze.

"Heh…"

Kazuma let out a chuckle as shouts began to spread throughout camp.

"Ahhh! There's a horde of Zombies approaching our camp!"

"There's a swarm of Wraiths too!? I thought those only appeared near the capital!"

"Adventurers! Please! Save us!"

Those were the screams of the caravan riders and passengers as bodies ran in every direction to escape the undead creatures that were attacking from all fronts.

"Mmmm!? Puee! Undead!? My time to shine has c-Ack!?"

Aqua, eager to finally come out of her seiza position, spit her gag out and quickly untied herself. But it seemed her legs had long since fallen asleep as she fell flat on her face upon standing. She proceeded to ball her eyes out from the pain in her legs and face.

"I heard Banshees can leave a grown man weeping for hours with a single scream! I'll draw their attention!"

Darkness instantly took off into the night to fend off the incoming threat, an eager look on her face.

"W-wait, Darkness! You forgot your sword… Right?"

Naruto chased after the female knight while holding the weapon in his hands incredulously. Did she really need it?

"Naruto! Let's have a tie-breaker round! Kazuma, use Drain Touch on me so I can use Explosion magic again!"

Megumin shouted while tugging on her party leader's sleeve.

Kazuma dropped the pendant to the floor, stepped on it, then proceeded to walk to his tent.

"Guess I'll sleep."

A/N: Boy, someone is definitely ready for a vacation. You and me both, Kazuma.

Next Chapter: A brief stop at Alcanretia, the city of-