Chapter 14.
While the boys are gone, I try to keep busy just in order not to sit still. When I sit still, I start to think. I can't afford to think. Not right now, when there is so much at stake. Up until now I thought we were making it through the Games fairly easily. But now my heart feels like it's up in my throat, my stomach is all but growling and I can barely feel my fingers or toes. Now, when I haven't showered or washed myself in days and I'm caked in dirt and blood, the person who made this all bearable seems to be slipping away from us. I feel torn, really torn. I feel like I need to do more than I can do at the moment. So I make sure Elza is tucked in nicely and keep checking her temperature. Her skin is still cold to the touch, so I try to make sure she lies close to the fire, but the fire is slowly fading. We are running out of firewood and since I'm alone here now, I can't go outside. I need to stay with Elza. After a while of rummaging around, I open our backpacks to check our current inventory. We have one net of fishes, one bottle that's half full of water, the small bottle that contains the water purifier, a small med kit, a dirty blanket, I have my stack of knives, and I see that someone managed to drag Elza's polearm along. Magnus and Zircon have their items with them, but our supplies are dwindling. I hope that they are able to come back with more than just the medicine for Elza. After I've sorted it all out, I put everything back in the backpacks.
A long time later - it must have been hours after Magnus and Zircon left - I hear a cannon sound in the distance.
"Who would that be for?" I say out loud, even though I'm not sure who I'm talking to. Elza doesn't respond. She's still unconscious. I try to keep talking to her every now and then, but it feels silly. It feels like she's gone out of reach, and I don't know how to get back to her. I'm not even sure if she can actually hear me.
I find myself hoping it isn't Magnus. I don't know what it is about him, but I want to figure it out before one of us dies. He seems so distant, and yet he doesn't, and I still don't know what to make of him. Zircon is pretty straightforward: he will do what is best for him. But I feel like Magnus isn't like that. Or at least, that's not the type of person he seems to be.
I hear something stir behind me. I turn around to see that Elza has shifted slightly.
"Elza?" I ask. "How are you feeling?"
And of course, there is no reply.
After what feels like another long time, the wait becomes agonizing. I didn't expect the Games to be so much about trying to stay alive. I thought it would be more fighting, which is what I've been training for all this time. But I do know now that going out there by myself is a sure way to get myself killed, and that's not what I'm here for.
The subtle sound of footsteps in the soft snow captures my attention. Could it be Magnus and Zircon? I get up and want to check it out immediately, but then think better of it. What if it's someone - or something - else?
Cautiously, I tiptoe to the entrance of the cave, knife in hand. I hear their breathing now, they're really close. I try to be as quiet as possible as I press myself to the wall.
"Elza?" a familiar voice asks. It's Magnus. They're back.
"Elza is still…" I start, but I fall silent when Magnus enters the cave. There's an enormous cut on his left cheek and his hands, face, and jacket are smeared with blood. As he enters the cave, I hear another cannon sound. I half expect Zircon to follow him inside, but he's not there.
"Are you alone?" I ask surprised.
"Yes." Magnus says sternly when he sees me.
"What happened?"
Magnus suddenly seems furious. He walks up to me and grabs me by the collar of my jacket, pushing me back against the wall. I'm so startled that I don't know what to say. So startled that I drop my knife.
"I'll tell you what happened," he says viciously. "Do you see this?" He points at the cut on his cheek, "I got that from your district partner."
"Zircon?" I choke out.
"We just came out of the mountains, on our way to the cornucopia, when he turned on me."
"He what?"
"Thought I was his biggest threat, and if he could get me out of the way, he could easily get rid of Elza as well."
I don't know what to say. Magnus looks at Elza and suddenly lets go of me. I collapse on the floor. He rushes over to her and checks her condition.
"She hasn't changed." He slowly turns back to me. I nod quietly.
"You weren't part of the plan…" He continues, as if he only realises now that Zircon had planned to ditch me all along if it hadn't been for Elza and him.
"I was never part of his plan." I reply.
He falls silent. His expression softens when he looks me in the eye.
"I had no choice but to defend myself." He then whispers.
I know what he's trying to tell me. If he's alive and Zircon isn't, then there's only one way how this could have gone: Magnus killed Zircon. But Magnus doesn't seem to be proud of it at all, contrary to what you would expect. In fact, he seems rather uneasy.
"I know." I tell him. I can tell by the look in his eyes that he appreciates me not letting him say these words out loud. Then I notice he's holding multiple backpacks, instead of just the one that he left with.
"Did you get the medicine?"
He takes the backpacks off and holds them out to me. "Yes, I did."
I'm glad to see he didn't come back with just one backpack. There are two: a medium sized one with the number 1 on it, and a very small one with the number 2 on it. I wonder what's in mine, but I know it's not our priority right now. Magnus opens the small backpack for their district and pulls out a small vial containing a clear liquid and a syringe.
"Shit." I hear him say under his breath. Then he looks at me. "Do you know how this works?"
I take the syringe and vial from his hands. I've never done this myself, but I've seen other people do it. Since neither of us knows how to do this right, I figured I'd just have to try. I open the vial and fill the syringe with the fluid from the vial. I make sure there's no air inside the syringe, then I walk up to Elza. I roll the sleeping bag and blanket down, exposing her upper arm. I put the needle in her arm and press the plunger, then take it out again. Magnus and I hover over her for a few minutes, anxiously waiting for something to happen. But nothing happens.
"I guess it needs time to spread through the body and work." I tell him eventually.
"I hope so." He replies.
The sun has set in the meanwhile, so I decide it's time for Magnus and I to eat something. It's been a hard day, so I prepare two fish for the both of us. Magnus tries to get Elza to eat something, but she remains unresponsive.
Our meal is interrupted by the capitol anthem. Magnus stays with Elza, but I head to the entrance of the cave to see the faces in the sky. The first face is Zircon's. A surge of relief seeps through me at the definite disclosure of his death. He was my district partner, but I didn't like him. In fact, I saw him as my biggest threat within this alliance. He would have had it out for me since the beginning, were it not for the alliance with Elza and Magnus. I look at Magnus, who's absently staring at the fire. Then I look at Elza, who still hasn't moved, which concerns me. She should start to feel better now, with the medicine in her system. I'm grateful for having them here. The second face in the sky is that of the dark-haired boy from District 7. I don't even remember his name. All I remember from 7 is the boy's district partner, the little girl who was attacked and scavenged by the penguin mutts. I shiver at the memory.
"Who was the other one?" Magnus asks as I sit down next to him again.
"The boy from 7."
"Oh, right." He remarks. "That means there are six of us left now."
He looks at me, then back at the fire. Like always, he sits as still as a statue, until he continues talking.
"Aran from 9, who's our biggest threat. Then there's Trix from 6, his ally - if they haven't separated already. Your look-a-like, Sophie from 3." He sums up. "And then there's us three."
"So it's our alliance versus their alliance."
"Yes." Magnus confirms. He sounds nervous. "The Games are slowly coming to an end."
I understand why he's nervous. If we're nearing the end of the Games, it means our alliance is to break up soon if we want to minimize the chances to having to fight one another.
"How much time do you think we still have?" I ask him, even though I dread the answer.
"Three days at most." he says.
Our conversation is interrupted by the sound of Elza's stirring. She opens her eyes and looks at us. Her eyes aren't clear and even though she's looking at us, she doesn't really seem to see us.
"Elza?" Magnus asks. His face is lit up with hope. "How are you feeling?"
"The medicine must be working." I whisper, but neither Elza or Magnus replies. Magnus places his hand against her cheek, and I see his face darken. He grabs her hand, then looks at me.
"She is still ice cold."
I can barely believe what he's saying. I move closer and touch her arm, which feels cold to the touch. Too cold. "But she's awake…" I start.
"But she's not herself." Magnus says. There is no optimism in his voice anymore. "This isn't right."
Elza sighs and she closes her eyes again. I immediately place my fingers on her neck.
"She has a pulse. It's weak, but it's there." I tell Magnus, who was holding his hand under her nose.
"She's still breathing." He confirms.
I see the hopeless expression on Magnus' face and find myself desperately hoping that this isn't the beginning of the end, but a good sign instead. Unfortunately I know better than that.
Magnus doesn't stray from Elza's side. He keeps rubbing her shoulders and back in order to warm her up. I try to help, even though I'm slowly starting to think that it has no use.
"Magnus…" I start, but he won't hear it.
"We need to help her. She needs to survive. We need her." He says.
I don't completely agree with him, but he obviously doesn't need contradiction right now. After all, this alliance has kept us alive for so long and it was all Elza's idea. I keep the campfire going in the meanwhile in an attempt to feel useful.
We sit with Elza for hours and I lose track of time. I don't know how many hours have passed when Elza stirs again, but by the grim expression on Magnus' face I can tell that he's not happy about it. Her breathing has become very shallow and barely audible anymore, but then it changes: there's a different sound, like a soft gasp, followed by silence. I look at Elza. She's stopped moving. I feel so overloaded with tension and other emotions I can't place that I hold my breath when I look at Magnus, who can't take his eyes off of her. We sit like that for what feels like ages, even though it's probably just a few minutes, until the silence is broken by the sound of a cannon. We don't need to guess for who this was.
"No…" Magnus whispers. "No, no, no."
I let Magnus sit like that for another few minutes, but then I get up and place my hand on his shoulder.
"Magnus, I'm sorry."
He doesn't reply.
"We can't stay here." I tell him. The gamemakers will send out a hovercraft soon to collect her body. They'll want us to clear out. And I'm afraid that if we don't go now, they'll find a way to make us go.
Magnus remains silent, but he still gets up and flings his backpack over his shoulder. I take my backpack and the one for our district that Magnus retrieved from the feast, realising I completely forgot to check the contents, but I'll have to do that later. I hand the backpack over to Magnus, who absently takes it from me, and extinguish the fire we made to keep Elza warm. I gather the remaining firewood, grab Magnus by his arm and direct him outside. It's dark outside and we are vulnerable, but I know we have to keep going.
The path downhill is slippery and harder than usual because the both of us are sleep deprived and worn out. I'm so tired it's hard to keep track of time, but I push through. Victory is so close, I shouldn't give up now. While dragging Magnus along, the thought of ditching him or getting him out of the way crosses my mind for a split-second. He's probably the most vulnerable right now, but I can't get myself to do it. Even though he's going to need to die in order for me to win, I do need him until that moment comes. And as I realise that, a small voice in the back of my mind is asking what I've gotten myself into.
By the time we've found another cave to use for shelter and we're making our way up there, the sky appears to be clearing. When I turn around, I see the colours on the horizon that indicate the sun is rising. Even though it seems so improbable at the moment, a new day has come.