A/N: Revised as of 5/5/2024.
What is art? What was this guy on about now?
Kazuma resisted the urge to sigh and began to come up with a response to avoid rattling this apparent madman.
"Maybe… Something beautifully crafted? Like a painting or a sculpture? People put that stuff on display."
It was a boring answer, but Kazuma had never thought about art that deeply before. There were museums and galleries in his old world that praised such items as eternal pieces of art.
Did this world even have museums?
"Sigh… Another dud, huh? My man Sasori would have appreciated your answer though."
The man said with a tone of disappointment before looking up at the sky once more.
Kazuma's brow twitched irritably. Who was this guy with an obvious screw loose to call him a dud after asking such a random question out of nowhere?
"I've traveled to various parts of this kingdom, met a lot of fools who had no appreciation for art. I blew up one town to open their eyes was and I was marked a criminal. Again. It's the same in every world, I guess."
He continued with a dry chuckle at the end.
Hang on. This guy just said some really scary things just now. Leaving the obvious act of terrorism aside for now, what did he mean by "every world"? Was this guy a "player"?
Was he about to get mixed into something troublesome again?
'My vacation…'
Kazuma turned away while fighting back tears. He had to escape… But how? He had to keep him talking, let him distract himself. Then, Kazuma could activate his Lurk skill and sneak away.
"You'll have to excuse me, I'm not very educated in such things. What is art to you?"
Kazuma asked while leaning back as naturally as he could. This seemed to spike the man's interest as his visual eyebrow rose curiously.
"Oh? Are you by chance willing to learn about true art? I suppose there's hope in you yet, kid. My name is Deidara, a General of the Demon King's Army. To me, art is something that is fleeting. Something beautiful for only a moment before it glimmers away…"
The now named Deidara revealed, causing all of the color in Kazuma's features to pale. The general raised one of his hands out of the water, and he seemed to be holding something in his palm.
"Is that a bath toy? Aren't you a little old for those?"
Kazuma asked out of reflex before he could stop himself, prompting the blonde to halt in his movements.
'Wait wait wait. Who cares about what he's holding! A general? Did he say general just now!? I need to get out of here!'
Kazuma's mind raced as he considered all of his options as means of escape.
Eyebrow twitching in annoyance, Deidara continued to raise the animal shaped object in his palm.
"This is no toy! This is art! For true art… is an explosion!"
Deidara shouted and tossed the bath toy into the air-
Earlier…
"Wait, what!?"
Naruto barked upon hearing some outrageous information.
After successfully escaping the angry mob of Axis Cultists, Naruto and Aqua had spotted Cecily in the alleyways below. The nun had then led them to what she called her "Axis Order Revolutionary Hideout", which was essentially a small storage shed behind the Axis Cathedral at the highest point in the city.
Cecily had then proceeded to fill them in on the changes that had occurred when she "traveled" back to Alcanretia.
"It was awful! People started spouting nonsense about 'working together with Eris Cultists' and 'let's keep tokoroten slime outlawed because someone might throw the mix into the hot springs again'! How unreasonable our brothers and sisters have become while I was away!"
The priestess ranted while crossing her arms under her chest in a huff.
"You should get along with everyone anyway. Also, weren't you the one who mixed the tokoroten in the hot springs?"
Naruto remarked, causing the nun to avert her gaze. But now wasn't the time to focus on such nonsense, he heard some very concerning news during her ranting.
"You said the high Arch Priest was placed in jail, right? Were they against the changes too?"
If they could somehow free such a powerful potential ally, it could help with the plan the shinobi had in mind.
"Lord Zesta? Yes, he was strongly against the reformation of the Axis Order. We took a stance to defend the true teachings of Aqua-sama! I took to the streets and confiscated any street food I could get my hands on that was made with that delicious-I mean, vile new recipes. Meanwhile, Zesta would sexually harass the female members while claiming the fake goddess that had impersonated Aqua-sama was controlling his body! The authorities almost caught me too, but Lord Zesta pounced on a female Police Officer he was sweet on and started groping her to distract them. I managed to escape while they pulverized him. Oh, Lord Zesta… You shall not be forgotten."
Cecily explained while wiping away a stray tear.
"He's not dead, but somehow I feel like we'd be better off."
Naruto commented with a deadpan expression. He honestly felt like turning this girl in to the police and thanking them for putting criminals behind bars. Also, it was no wonder Cecily had tried to get him to buy her food earlier, she was probably banned from all of the vendors.
"Anyways, let's get Aqua some new clothes before we try convincing them again."
Naruto said and turned to Aqua, who was rummaging through the shed with a somber expression on her face. The girl was still down in the dumps from before, not that he blamed her. He could only imagine what it must feel like to be a goddess whose worshipers turned against her. He was about to reach out to the girl when Cecily cut him off.
"Wait! I have the perfect outfit for Aqua-sama! Go wait outside, pervy pervy~! No peeking, or else be faced with a fine of five tokoroten slime!"
"Wha-o-okay?"
Naruto stuttered as the nun pushed him outside of the shed. He scratched his cheeks as the door slammed shut and the sound of clothes rustling could be heard from inside.
The shinobi, suddenly growing flustered, turned around and studied the grand architecture that was the headquarters of the Axis Order. It was tall, had various beautiful stained glass windows, and was overall very well kept. Unlike the Axis Cult church back in Axel that seemed more like an old shack, this place was a sight to behold.
…Maybe he'd make a donation to the Axis Church when they returned home.
"Tada~! Behold! The new and improved Aqua-sama!"
Cecily called out from behind the boy, and Naruto turned around to find Aqua in a perfectly fitted Axis nun's attire. It was plain, but humbling. The simple blue coloring and white trimming made her look serene and very approachable.
Naruto grinned and nodded his head approvingly.
"Perfect! Do you know what you're going to say, Aqua?"
"Of course! Just who do you think I am?"
Aqua, having regained her confidence once more, flipped her hair over her shoulder and smirked.
"Good. Now, Cecily? Will you marry me?"
"Yes."
Naruto suddenly asked and Cecily answered without missing a beat.
Aqua blinked.
She blinked twice.
Thrice.
. . .
"EHHH!?"
It was another peaceful day in the headquarters of the Axis Order. Many people walked along the corridors, be it to attend a preaching seminar, or they were simply touring the great halls.
A lot of the people present used to avoid the beautiful structure in fear of the Axis Cultists that lurked inside, but were now able to enjoy the views and explore the interior thanks to the now welcoming members.
Suddenly, the chapel doors burst open as a man wearing an orange tuxedo and a woman wearing a frilly wedding gown strutted inside.
"Today's the day! We only just decided this five minutes ago, but we're getting married here and now!"
"I knew this day would come! I prayed to Aqua-sama that I would not let this man escape the moment I laid eyes on him and his wallet! Life of luxury, here I come!"
Naruto and Cecily shouted, gaining the attention of everyone inside. People gathered to see what the commotion was about as the couple made their way down the main aisle.
It wasn't common where two people got married out of nowhere these days. In fact, marriage had become quite a formal occasion in Alcanretia since the reformation. Which is why the couple was confronted by a pastor with a strained smile.
"Excuse me, young ones… While we used to support spontaneous harmonious matrimony, and even promoted it quite feverishly here in this church, we no longer hold up this practice and require a reservation. Our next opening is three days from now. We apologize for the inconvenience, mizuru…"
The older priest said while bowing his head apologetically.
Naruto opened his mouth to "protest" when Cecily shrieked, cutting him off.
"Three days!? What if he comes to his senses by then!? Will YOU pay for my luxurious lifestyle? I don't think so! Is this what the Axis Order that I've loved all of my life has fallen to? A beautiful young woman can't tie the knot with the first handsome young man with money that says yes?"
Cecily ranted while gesturing to herself, making sure to meet the eyes of as many onlookers as possible.
Naruto's fake smile became strained, unsure if the girl was actually serious or not.
That was the thing about Cecily, she was very straightforward with what she wanted and bluntly honest. But at the same time, she was good at telling tall tales or exaggerating details. So this made it hard to read the girl.
But this was good. They now had the attention of most, if not all of the people in the building.
"But it matters not! For I, Cecily, the beautiful priestess of the Axis Order, am getting hitched today! Under the blessing of my goddess, Aqua-sama, I will marry this man here and now! With or without any of your approval! None of you can stop me from achieving an easy life!"
"W-we're not against your marriage, miss… We simply need you to make an appointment."
Cecily continued on her rambling, with the pastor attempting to calm her down to deescalate the situation.
Wait, hang on. Rather than exposing the faults of the new system, didn't it look like they were bothering the church to cut in line for their wedding?
"Hey, isn't that the priestess that rebelled against Aqua-sama's teachings, mizuru?"
"She took food from my stall claiming it was taxes for committing sacrilege with the Eris Cult recipes, mizuru!"
"Hey, boy… I don't know what she did to convince you but you shouldn't involve yourself with that woman, mizuru."
The people in the crowd began to take note, and one even outright warned Naruto directly.
"How rude! My practices follow the sacred teachings of Aqua-sama herself! It's only natural to want to marry a handsome man! If I had to choose between marrying a handsome man with no money, or an ugly man with money, then I'd choose the handsome man with money in a heartbeat!"
Cecily declared with a firm nod.
"Your answer doesn't add up. Also, please apologize to the people you and Zesta troubled."
Naruto retorted, but Cecily either didn't hear him over the crowd or simply chose to ignore him and continued to argue with the onlookers.
While the shinobi was beginning to doubt his association with his "bride", the doors of the church opened once more and Aqua entered with a neutral expression on her face much to Naruto's relief.
Oh good, now Aqua would begin to preach and-
"I am against this wedding!"
Aqua suddenly shouted as she marched down the aisle.
'What is this idiot saying!?'
Naruto's jaw went slack as everyone in the room watched Aqua walk up the final steps to stand with them.
She knew this was all staged, right? She didn't actually think this was a real wedding, right!?
"Aqua-sama? What do you mean you're against the wedding? Do you want to marry Naruto instead?"
Cecily asked with a hand hovering over her mouth in surprise, causing the goddess to nearly slip on her nun's attire.
"Hah!? Who would want to marry this broke stalker ninja?"
Aqua denied while sending a mocking smirk in Naruto's direction, and a tick mark formed on the boy's forehead.
"Broke? What a silly thing to say, Aqua-sama. This man has defeated a couple high bounty targets, and even a Demon King Army General recently. How could he have no money?"
Cecily asked while tilting her head to the side innocently, and the onlookers began to mutter words of recognition and wonder amongst themselves.
Oh? Was he being recognized for his heroics all the way in Alcanretia now? Naruto rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. He still didn't know how to feel about the "hero candidate" rumors as of late. It was kind of embarrassing.
It was true that he was still broke though.
"Not as big a role as me, of course. But this man destroyed an inn for no good reason and had to use his reward money to pay for the repairs. So, he's broke."
Aqua revealed while shaking her head disapprovingly, earning an annoyed stare from the shinobi which she readily avoided.
"Oh, that's a shame. Suddenly, I don't feel like taking part in this wedding myself."
Cecily said and took a small step away from her fellow blonde.
'These idiots!'
Naruto thought while grinding his teeth together. Did they forget that this was a FAKE wedding!? Why was he even helping them in the first place!?
"Oof… I know she was just in it for the money but I feel kind of bad for that guy, mizuru..."
"Yeah, to get rejected by not one, but two women in front of a crowd is a little… mizuru…"
"I'd die from embarrassment, mizuru…"
The vein on Naruto's forehead increased in size after each unnecessary comment from the crowd. He was about to blow his top when a beam of heavenly light came down from the roof.
A wave of power that felt holy in nature washed over them and brought the entire church to silence.
The color drained from Naruto's face as a figure stepped out from the light.
'Oh no…'
He thought, as his plan was officially a dumpster fire. Because the figure was none other than his and Aqua's "daughter".
"I am also against this wedding!"
Eddy, the magic item turned goddess, announced and pointed an accusing finger at Cecily. She was wearing the same light blue chiton with golden trims that just passed her knees.
"You homewrecker!"
"!?"
Cecily took a step back, baffled at the blatant accusation that this stranger was spouting at her.
"Excuse me! I'll have you know that until just a few seconds ago, before I discovered this man no longer had any money, we had something very special! A bond that I was able to forge due to the guidance of Aqua-sama herself! Who are you to make such an outrageous statement!"
The nun barked back and wrapped her arms around Naruto's arm defensively, causing Eddy to let out an offended shriek.
'Please… Make it stop…'
Naruto thought as he was dragged over to the nun's side. He suddenly wanted to go soak in the hot springs and forget about all of this nonsense.
Is this what it felt like to be Kazuma?
But just as he thought things couldn't get any worse, his "daughter" opened her mouth again.
"My name is Eddy! Goddess of the Maelstrom, daughter of Aqua and that man right there!"
Eddy declared and proudly gestured to the shinobi, whose eyes shot wide open.
Naruto's jaw exceeded the physical capabilities of the human body and dropped to the floor.
Surely Eddy wasn't scatterbrained enough to make such an outrageous statement in front of all of these people… Is what Naruto had thought.
But in the end, she was her mother's daughter.
The eyes of the crowd were wide with disbelief as they turned back and forth between the self-proclaimed goddess that had just descended into their church and the boy who that very goddess claimed was her father.
"I've never heard of a Goddess of the Maelstrom, mizuru!"
"Hey, isn't that priestess the woman that was imitating the goddess Aqua from earlier today! Like mother like daughter, I suppose!"
"I knew it! The real Aqua-sama would never have a child with some loser who was rejected by two women, mizuru!"
The people slowly began to react as they processed what was going on, and ultimately decided not to believe Eddy.
That last comment really irked Naruto, but he was relieved that no one believed the newcomer. Now he just needed to get Eddy to leave before she did anything els-
A second beam of light shined next to Eddy, catching everyone completely off guard again.
"...Huh?"
Naruto squawked when the newcomer was revealed to be none other than the Goddess that had given him a second chance at life in this world.
Eris, the Goddess of Luck, complete with her poofy lavender gown and matching purple headpiece, had appeared.
"E-Eddy-san! I told you not to press that button! We shouldn't interfere with the lives of mortals! Please, let's return to Heaven right this instant!"
Eris, seeming frantic, pleaded with the huffing Eddy who seemed unfazed by her fellow goddess's appearance.
Button? Naruto really wanted to ask what kind of buttons were in Heaven, and he honestly didn't know how to feel about being in the presence of the goddess he'd been confessing all of his sins to recently.
…Was he an Eris follower at this point?
Naruto decided to worry about all of that later, because the crowd was going nuts with the goddess's appearance.
"No way… Eris-sama!?"
"That's undoubtedly Eris-sama!"
"We are honored by your presence!"
Eris, as if noticing the crowd surrounding her for the first time, gained a troubled expression as everyone fell to their knees as a sign of respect.
"Hey, how come all of you readily accepted Eris-senpai's identity without question?"
Eddy asked with a twitching eyebrow, but was intercepted by the Goddess of Luck.
"U-um… Sorry to bother everyone, we'll be going now. Please, carry on with… Eh? Naruto-san, are you actually getting married?"
Eris's words trailed off when she noticed Naruto and Cecily's appearances.
It was Aqua that answered first though, and the Goddess of Water let out a snarky laugh.
"Pfft! Of course not! I wouldn't allow that man to marry Cecily-chan without any money in his pockets. How else would he take care of us?"
Aqua stated while shaking her head dismissively.
"Eh? 'take care of us'? Are you planning on marrying Naruto-san too!? Then is it true that you two crossed the line!?"
Eris asked as she stepped back in shock, eyes darting back and forth between Naruto and Aqua.
"A-a-a-absolutely not! I just want him to give me all of his spare time, feed and praise me three times a day, and make me laugh when I'm sad!"
Aqua explained while tapping her fingers together all while glancing at the shinobi timidly.
'Which is it!?'
Naruto thought with a twitching eyebrow. That might have actually pulled at his heartstrings if she hadn't just been making fun of him and blowing their plan out of the water.
Now extremely confused, Eris turned to Eddy and tilted her head for some reason.
"Eris! It's true you pad your chest, isn't it!? Now that I'm seeing you in person, those are totally padded!"
Cecily, who couldn't read the mood any better than the goddess she worshiped, asked a ridiculous question while staring directly at Eris's sizable chest.
The Goddess of Luck's face burned bright red as the crowd's eyes turned scornful towards the oblivious priestess who now held a triumphant expression.
Deciding enough was enough, Naruto thought it was high time they moved onto the final phase of his plan.
The plan was obviously not going accordingly, but with the sudden appearance of Eddy and Eris, he had to distract the people before any other unnecessary words were said.
You know what they say... When life gives you goddesses-
Looking up towards the ceiling, he nodded towards a Shadow Clone who returned the gesture before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.
A short moment later, the room was showered in a brilliant light. All of the humans had to shield their eyes from the brightness.
"Ahahaha! Finally! After all of this time, I can capture another goddess, mizuru~!"
Hearing yet another new voice, everyone opened their eyes to find a beautiful woman with wavy blue hair wearing a deep blue gown with various patterns that resembled ocean currents standing at the entrance.
"You…!"
Aqua, with murder in her eyes, glared daggers at her doppelganger.
…She did know that it was Naruto in disguise, right?
"Aqua-sama… Is that the faker that caused all of this confusion?"
Cecily, uncharacteristically serious, asked while entering a battle stance. Which was ridiculous given the fact that she was wearing a wedding dress.
Then again, that crazy nun had been able to keep up with Naruto in the city while dressed in a similar getup…
Shaking his head, Naruto sent a pleading look at Eris, hoping she would read the mood.
If Aqua was telling the truth about her "God Vision", Eris wouldn't have been affected by the light his clones had produced with the scrolls he'd gotten from Wiz's magic item shop all that time ago. That would mean she would have seen Naruto's clone transforming into the Aqua doppelganger.
To Naruto's relief, Eris winked at him before stepping forward.
"My senpai has been missing from Heaven for a while now. I take it that was your doing, imposter-san?"
Eris asked with a stone cold stare, causing the crowd to gasp.
"That Aqua-sama is a fake!?"
"Aqua-sama has been missing!?"
"Mizu… ru?"
The world seemed to be crumbling around the Axis followers. If Eris herself was declaring the person they'd been worshiping was a fraud, then surely it must be true.
"Yes, that's right you fools! I traveled to Axel because I heard there was someone there that resembled the Goddess of Water. But it had just been some priestess who worshiped Aqua past the point of religion. I managed to capture the real goddess sometime later though. My next target is Eris, mizuru~!"
The imposter declared while pointing at the Goddess of Luck. This immediately spurred the crowd into action.
"Protect the Goddess!"
"How dare you trick us!"
"She must be affiliated with the Demon King's Army!"
"I still think your verbal tic is adorable, mizuru~!"
The Eris followers were the first to react, forming a line in front of the object of their worship. The Axis Cultists eventually snapped out of their stupor and joined their sister sect, their eyes burning with fury.
"Not on my watch-Huh? What?"
Eddy cracked her knuckles and took a step forward when Eris put a hand on her shoulder.
"No interfering, remember?"
Eris was smiling, but there was an air of authority behind it that even Eddy decided not to push her luck.
"Fine…"
The whiskered goddess relented and crossed her arms under her bust. She didn't really get it, but Eris seemed insistent, so she'd stay put. She really wanted to have a rematch with her father though…
Just as Aqua was about to lead the angry mob towards her doppelganger, the fake Aqua raised a hand.
"Ah, I wouldn't do anything reckless now. My minions are scattered around the city right now with explosives. Should anything happen to me… Well, you know? Mizuru~?"
The moment the threat exited the fake's mouth, the crowd skidded to a stop, growing fearful.
"Good to see that you lot have at least some brains, mizurururu!"
The imposter mocked before cackling with glee.
"Stop…"
Aqua muttered, her eyes falling under the shadow of her bangs. But her imposter didn't seem to notice and continued.
"Now then! Hand over the Goddess of Luck and I'll leave this pathetic city intact, mizurururu-"
"STOP!"
The hall fell silent when Aqua suddenly screamed. Taking a few deep breaths, the goddess began to take a few steps forward.
"You lie to my precious followers… Make them doubt themselves and bottle up their true feelings… But worst of all…"
Aqua listed as she now stood face to face with her smirking impersonator.
"The real Goddess Aqua-sama-"
Aqua started and grabbed the fake's collar.
"Doesn't-"
Her hand became encased in a heavenly aura.
"Say strange things-"
She cocked the glowing fist back-
"LIKE MIZURU!"
-and punched the fake goddess square in the face.
"GOD BLOOOOWWW!"
"Guhah!"
The force behind the punch was so powerful, it sent the impersonator barreling out of the entrance and down the long flight of stairs that led up the hill to the church.
Naruto cringed and couldn't help but rub his jaw. She definitely didn't remember, and he didn't know whether it would be better if she remembered or not at this point.
Although it had been his clone that took the hit, the painful memory hit his mind like a hammer to the head.
"You did it, Aqua-sama!"
Cecily cheered while running over to the Arch Priest before wrapping her in a big hug, with the large group of Axis and Eris members alike joining them in a great cheer.
Naruto sighed. The explosives had been an obvious bluff, and knowing Aqua's brash nature, he had little to no doubt that she'd attack the imposter regardless of the situation.
'I am so glad this is all over with… I think I'm ready for the hot springs.'
'Hm… I think you might have, what does that lazy brat call it again? Raised a flag?'
Kurama interjected, and before Naruto could question the fox-
BOOM!
The crowd had only just started celebrating when a loud noise echoed across the city, and the church suddenly shook violently. People were knocked off their feet from the force.
"Now what!?"
Naruto barked and immediately ran past Aqua and Cecily then through the doors to see a large plume of dust and debris rising into the air not too far from them.
In fact, the explosion wasn't all too far from the inn his group was staying at.
A pit grew in Naruto's stomach. Megumin didn't let loose an Explosion in the middle of the city, did she?
Come to think of it, Megumin hadn't used her daily spell yet today.
But those thoughts went down the drain when Naruto saw a flying object break free from the smoke.
It looked familiar… Almost like a bird, but too bulky and clay-like.
Clay.
Explosion.
Naruto's blood ran cold. He'd been so happy when he ran into Jiraiya that he hadn't thought much of it. How could he not have considered it a possibility that other people from his world might have ended up here?
Sitting atop the strange bird-like thing was the missing nin who had nearly killed his friend, and was responsible for the deaths of many others.
"Deidara."
Naruto hissed through clenched teeth, his hands balling into fists. The memories, the emotions, the anger he felt upon seeing the ex-Akatsuki member.
'Naruto. Calm down. Put those memories aside for now and focus on the task at hand. It looks like he has your friend.'
Kurama's voice pulled Naruto out of his spiral, and the blonde shook his head then squinted his eyes.
In the talons of Deidara's mount was in fact Kazuma who was… naked and squirming around in a panic.
Taking in a breath and releasing it slowly, the shinobi tore the sleeves off his suit and rolled his shoulders.
Naruto didn't know why or how Deidara managed to get to this world, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that the explosion maniac needed to be stopped before he could hurt another one of his precious people. No matter what.
"Naruto? What's happening? What's that weird bird?"
Aqua stepped beside the ninja and worriedly asked.
"Someone dangerous. Aqua, I need you and Cecily to gather any healers and spread out to find any injured people. I'm going to help evacuate the city."
Naruto instructed, earning a timid nod from the Goddess of Water. He then turned back to Eris and Eddy who were watching him expectantly.
"It was good to see you two again. Too bad we don't have time to catch up, though. Thanks for everything, Eris. Also, Eddy. Don't give Eris too much trouble, okay?"
Naruto said with a wink before taking off down the stairs to face his old enemy.
Eris smiled and waved goodbye while Eddy grinned a fox-like grin.
Present…
"Heeeelp meeee!"
Kazuma wailed at the top of his lungs as he was lifted into the air by the Demon King Army General's bath toy. For some reason, it had grown to a tremendous size and grabbed him before he could use Lurk and escape.
Now he was hundreds of feet in the air, with no way of getting free, and to top it all off… He was naked! His bath towel had unsurprisingly slipped off at some point, and now his precious parts were on full display!
Why did the crazy person get to grab his cloak? He didn't have the decency to grab his hostage's clothes too!?
How did it always end up like this!? Wasn't he supposed to be on vacation!? Why couldn't he just have a normal mixed bath experience!?
Where was Naruto!?
"Pipe down, you! Did you not appreciate the art you just witnessed? Don't worry, I've been given full clearance to rid this world of the headquarters of the Axis Cult by the Demon King himself. He said something about a change in the people that would make it easier to attack or something. Not that I care, so long as I can produce more art!"
Deidara shouted as he fiddled with something in his hands. He then dropped the white object down towards the city and made a strange hand gesture.
"Explode!"
Boom!
Kazuma had to close his eyes as the object enlarged itself, much like the bird, before it exploded.
'This is bad! This is bad this is bad this is bad!'
Kazuma thought as he heard screams from down below. He was being carried by a deranged terrorist, and there was nothing he could do about it.
In the midst of the chaos and destruction, Kazuma suddenly came to a realization.
Wait a second. Wasn't this kind of familiar?
A person with a screw loose who loved explosions… Didn't he have one of those?
Suddenly, Kazuma felt extremely calm. Wasn't this kind of scenery something he saw on a daily basis? Also, compared to Megumin's Explosion Magic, this Demon King General's explosives weren't anything too outrageous.
…It was kind of scary how desensitized he'd become to explosions.
"What do you think, kid? The brilliant flashing colors, the heat… All gone in a matter of seconds. It's the best, isn't it!?"
Deidara marveled at the flames created by his detonation with a crazed grin on his face.
"Hm… I give it a seventy at best. My ally can make an Explosion like that in her sleep. She almost did once while having a nightmare, it was actually really scary."
"!?"
Kazuma rated the combustion with a calculative eye, causing the missing nin's smile to crack.
"Huh!? Seventy? Out of one-hundred!? My art is perfect! How dare you give it such a low score!"
Deidara barked while glaring daggers at the boy, who managed a shrug in his confined space.
"One could say I'm a bit of an explosion connoisseur. I've witnessed explosions of all shapes and sizes. Actually, not a day has gone by where I haven't seen an explosion since I met that girl."
Kazuma admitted with a wry smile on his face.
A tick mark grew on the general's forehead. Explosion connoisseur? What the hell was that supposed to be? Why don't they put that self-proclaimed title to the test then?
"What is your name, boy?"
"I'm Kazuma."
Kazuma answered out of reflex, and he would have slapped himself if his arms weren't restrained. What idiot readily gave their real name to a Demon King Army General like that?
"Alright, Kazuma. You can be the judge of my next art. We're not stopping until I either score a perfect one-hundred, or my art reduces this city to ashes! Hahahaha!"
Deidara declared and started working on something in his hands again.
A bead of sweat trailed down Kazuma's face before flying off his face by the howling winds and plummeting down the ground.
…Did he just make things worse?
BOOM!
Another explosion that surpassed the previous one hit the city, causing the adventurer's lips to form a fine line.
Yup. He definitely made things worse.
"Now, tell me! How do you rate that!? Don't lie or I'll drop you!"
Deidara demanded before threatening the teen, and Kazuma gulped before giving the explosion some serious thought.
"...It's-"
"-wonderful!"
Megumin marveled at the series of explosions going off one by one as the people around her fled in the opposite direction in a panic.
The flash of colors, the heat… She could feel the collected mana from here. It wasn't Explosion magic, but surely… SURELY the user walked down the same path as her! She felt it in her Crimson Demon Blood. She only needed to teach them Explosion and-
"What nonsense are you spouting, Megumin!? The city is under attack! We have to find Kazuma and Naruto and stop whoever's responsible!"
Darkness shouted as she dragged Megumin into a nearby alleyway for cover.
"Who cares about those two Explosion haters! I just need to talk to that person! An ally! I found an ally, Darkness! An ally!"
Megumin persisted to resist her comrade and tried to escape, but Darkness's grasp was firm and kept the little girl in place.
Just then, someone jumped over the rooftops above the two girls, and they peered around the corner to see a dozen Naruto's running across the buildings towards the center of the city.
"Naruto!"
Darkness shouted in an attempt to catch the shinobi's attention. Luckily, she had yelled in between explosions and the boy looked in their direction.
Naruto turned on his heel and hopped down from the roof, rolling once when he hit the floor to break the fall, then proceeded to dash into the alleyway with them before coming to a stop.
"Darkness! Megumin! Have you seen Wiz?"
Naruto asked and the two shook their heads negatively. Cursing under his breath, he glanced outside until he spotted the giant bird-like entity Deidara was riding.
"The enemy has Kazuma, but he looks okay. I'm still getting the citizens to safety, but when I'm done I'll go save him. This guy's really dangerous, so go help Aqua and Cecily gather the injured and-"
"Rejected." x2
Megumin and Darkness denied the boy's instructions before he could even finish.
Naruto paused for a second, but eventually turned back to face them. He figured they would have this kind of reaction.
"Listen, guys. This enemy is actually from my home country. I don't know how he got here, but I can't stress enough how dangerous he is. He was a part of a criminal organization that was trying to capture the nine Tailed Beasts like Kurama and take over the world. Just look at the damage he's done in the short amount of time."
Naruto explained while gripping his shirt just above his abdomen.
"This man… He's hurt people important to me. I can't… I won't let him hurt any of you."
The blonde finished, and the three stood in silence for a few seconds before the girls spoke up.
"Rejected." x2
"Why!?"
Having been rejected a second time, Naruto finally snapped. But Megumin raised a hand to his face before he could go off on them.
"As much as I resonated with your story, please don't forget that we're adventurers too. It's only natural that we'd put our lives on the line to defend the city from an awesome evil. Especially when our fearless party leader is being held hostage."
Megumin explained and flipped her cape in a dramatic fashion.
"That's right! Also, aren't we friends? Of course we're going to help you fight that extremely dangerous terrorist with powerful magic! Just leave the tanking and distracting to me!"
Darkness added and swiped at the air with her armored hand as if to swat away the idea of her and Megumin stepping off to the sidelines.
Naruto exhaled, but it was because he had already known he wouldn't be able to convince these two to sit out.
Seeing as the shinobi was no longer opposing, Megumin grinned triumphantly.
"Just get Kazuma out of there and I'll blow the enemy away with my Explosion Magic!"
As the words left the Crimson Demon's mouth, an idea spawned in the shinobi's mind.
They could work with this.
"Okay guys, I got an idea. You're the key role in this plan, alright Megumin? Think you can handle it?"
Naruto proclaimed with a wide grin, causing the little girl's eyes to shine bright.
"Leave it to me! By the way, you better tell me about that evil organization from your home country later. They sound really cool."
Megumin added while prodding at Naruto's chest with her staff.
"Sure sure… Alright, follow me!"
Naruto responded and gestured for the two girls to follow him.
They had a terrorist stop.
BOOM!
"Hah! I'd say that one was perfect! What do you think, Kazuma my man!"
"Oh! That one was quite an improvement! The initial impact felt heavier than before, and the volume of the debris was much bigger. I'd give that one a solid ninety! The most Megumin has scored so far is ninety-five, so you're catching up!"
As the city continued to be bombarded by the Demon King Army General's attacks, Deidara and Kazuma discussed how much the former's "art" was improving in score.
"Hah! I knew I sensed a comrade in you! It's nice to finally meet a sensible person in this rotten world that's been mostly void of art. Although, I'm curious as to who your friend is. They sound like they appreciate true art as well!"
Deidara chimed as he gleefully worked on his next art piece.
"Thank you. This world really is good for nothin-Wait that's wrooong! What am I doooing!?"
Kazuma, having been so caught up in explosion appraisals, only just realized the collateral damage that had been dealt to Alcanretia. In the setting sun, the once beautiful city of hot springs was now engulfed in flames and destruction.
The only part of the city that remained unscathed was the headquarters of the Axis Order. The large, beautiful structure stood tall above the rest of the city.
Panic began to build back up in the pit of Kazuma's stomach. How had he been so calm earlier!? Was it a defense mechanism? This world was truly driving him past insanity!
Just as he was about to start screaming out for help again, something below caught his eye.
A lone figure stood atop a collapsed structure. Their dark cape flapping in the wind, the person raised the rim of their strange looking hat to reveal glowing crimson colored eyes.
"Megumin!"
Kazuma shouted in relief, glad to see that his party member was okay.
"Huh? Is that the comrade you were going on about? They're just a brat. Well, no matter. I want to see just what kind of art they can create that scores so high."
Deidara commented while eyeing the Crimson Demon, but eventually shrugged and began to descend.
As soon as they were within earshot, Megumin struck a pose.
"My name is Megumin! I hail from Axel, the Town of Beginners! My calling is that of an Arch Wizard, and I wield the ultimate magiiiiiieeeeEEEEEK!? K-K-K-Kazuma! W-w-why aren't you w-wearing anything!?"
Upon looking up from her pose, Megumin's words slurred into a shriek as she shielded her eyes from Kazuma's exposed nether regions.
Suddenly remembering he was in the nude, Kazuma's face turned bright red and did his best to shield himself by crossing his legs.
"Nooooo! Now I'll never marry!"
"W-what are you acting like a maiden! Just cover yourself up, you shameless man!"
Megumin, in spite of her embarrassment, did her best to avoid looking at Kazuma and pointed her staff at the cloaked man who was clearly unamused.
"Your destructive prowess is impressive. My Crimson Demon blood is telling me we walk down the same path. Even in my past life, when I was likely hailed as a goddess of destruction, I could never find another such as yourself. This must be destiny at work."
"Hm. A Crimson Demon, huh? That explains the flashy style, not that I dislike flashiness. Your comrade here has told me about our shared… Fondness of art. I am Deidara, General of the Demon King's Army. I, too, have been searching for an ally who walks the same path as I. So tell me, Crimson brat. What do you think art is?"
Deidara asked from atop his bird-like creation, an eager grin spreading across his features.
"Art…"
Megumin muttered, her head tilting down until her face was hidden behind her hat.
Deidara leaned forward, seemingly brimming with anticipation. Kazuma was great with his appreciation of art, but this person… Could they truly be someone that understood? Did he finally find someone who saw art in its purest form? The way he did?
A short distance away, Naruto and Darkness stood hidden behind some rubble. He had a few clones hiding in other places nearby. They would wait for Megumin's signal, then Naruto would attack Deidara with full force while Darkness secured Kazuma.
"...Hey. Stop staring at Kazuma, you ero-knight."
Naruto whispered with a flat expression, earning a start from his fellow blonde.
"Wha-!? I-I wasn't staring! Why is Kazuma naked in the first place!?"
Darkness hissed back, but relented and turned her focus back on the mage of her party.
After giving it some thought, Megumin slammed her staff on the ground and shouted at the top of her lungs.
"Art is Explosion magic, of course! The intricate incantations… The buildup of power… Then finally, the fiery eruption of the ultimate magic! It's beautiful! It's unstoppable! Be it Gods or Devils, nothing is safe from its destructive force! Explosion magic is true art! Now, Deidara of the Demon King Army! Let me show you my art… Darker than dark, blacker than black. Let thine power manifest in me…"
Having answered her take on art, Megumin began to chant her spell.
'Wait, is she planning on killing me along with this maniac!?'
Kazuma thought, his face paler than a sheet of paper. He looked up at Deidara in hopes the General would get them out of the way, only to find the man was grinning wickedly.
"Yes! I heard rumors that a second mage who wielded Explosion magic was based in Axel! I was planning on heading there if that woman stood me up again, but to think that mage would end up visiting this city as well! Destiny really must be at work! Show me, Megumin of the Crimson Demons! Show me the art of this world by destroying the final standing structure in this city! A fine piece of architecture to be used in this showcase of art! Hahaha!"
Deidara happily shouted and pointed to the Axis Church that was just behind them and up the hill.
'Is this maniac going to let himself be blown up!? HEEEELP!'
Kazuma, knowing the range of Megumin's spell, immediately noticed they were in the blast radius. Leaving aside the explosion maniacs were going to destroy the headquarter of the Axis Cult, was he going to die here!? Again!? Kazuma kicked and screamed, but the talon's grip on him was too firm.
This was it. He was dead. Naked and helpless.
Well, it could be worse. This was certainly better than his first two deaths.
Megumin, having completed her chanting, let loose the ball of heavily concentrated mana from the tip of her staff.
"Exploooosion!"
The spell flew past the two boys and dozens of feet into the air before detonating in a display of red ferociously battling against orange.
BOOM!
The deafening sound soon followed along with the shockwave of the explosion.
"It's beautif-oof!"
Deidara, whose eyes were marveling at the beautiful array of colors, was forcibly pinned to the back of his flying sculpture upon getting hit by the pressurized air. They were now hurdling towards the ground.
"HEEEEEELP!"
Kazuma screamed as he fell. The force of the blast had caused the bird thing to release its grip on him and even took the full brunt of the shockwave, which was nice. But now he was freefalling, naked, to his doom.
Just as he was about to hit the ground, Darkness appeared seemingly out of nowhere and tackled him at the last second. The two rolled around a few times before coming to a stop.
Kazuma was the first to recover and pushed himself up and off of the knight. Patting himself over a few times, he sighed in relief. He survived with only a few scrapes and bruises.
"Aha! Ahahaha! I'm aliiiiive!"
"K-Kazuma… Y-y-your…!"
Darkness babbled while hiding her face behind her hands, but obviously peeping through her fingers.
Remembering that he was naked, Kazuma's hand flung to his crotch-
"YOOOOOWCH!?"
A flaring pain rose where his hands landed on, and to Kazuma's horror, he found something was wrong.
Something terribly. Terribly. Wrong.
"I-I read in a book that men, when in life threatening situations, will… Show up. I guess it's true… But… Is it supposed to bend that way?"
Darkness asked while struggling against herself to look away, her face a blushing mess.
"Of course it's not! It's broken! Forget about marriage, now I'll never have children!"
Kazuma barked while biting back tears from the pain.
Aqua! He needed to find Aqua so she could heal him before the damages became irreversible!
Kazuma spun on his heel just in time to see Aqua and Cecily turning a corner and face him.
The two girls stared at him, then looked down.
"...Pfft!" x2
"Don't laugh, you bitches! Help me!"
–While Kazuma argued and eventually begged for Aqua or Cecily to heal him, the dust cloud that kicked up from the clay bird's impact finally cleared away.
Deidara lay on the floor with his eyes closed, bloodied teeth showing through his ever present grin.
"Hah… What a beautiful form of art, wouldn't you say… Kyuubi?"
Opening his eyes, he came face to face with a singed looking Naruto holding a kunai to his throat.
"You didn't actually think I missed you and your Shadow Clones running around and evacuating all of those people, did you? That's why I was prepared. Although, I underestimated the power of that brat's Explosion magic."
Deidara spat and pressed his neck into the jinchuriki's kunai until it drew blood.
It was true, Deidara had been prepared. After the Explosion spell went off, Naruto and his clones had sprung into action and meant to end the ex-Akatsuki member before he even hit the ground. But Deidara had kicked the bird in Naruto's direction and detonated it.
The only reason Naruto was relatively unscathed was because he'd cloaked himself in Kurama's chakra at the last second and pierced through the explosion with wind chakra. His clones had been destroyed though.
Naruto's eyes were narrowed, almost glaringly angry. He was doing his best to remain calm, but it was difficult. This man represented everything that was wrong with his old world. Gaara nearly died because of him.
But why was he hesitating now? Well-
"Oh? So you noticed. You've gotten better, Kyuubi. That's right. Right before the impact, I let loose a couple pieces of art to make their way to your friends. So you better be careful, or they might meet the same fate as your sand friend and Sasuke Uchiha! Hahaha!"
Deidara exclaimed and cackled with laughter.
Glancing at his friends, Naruto spotted the small bug-like clay creatures crawling up to them unnoticed. One had attached itself onto Megumin's head, who was face first in the dirt due to her mana exhaustion.
Naruto let his guard down. Of course taking out an ex-Akatsuki member wouldn't be that easy.
Darkness would probably be fine, but the others surely wouldn't be able to handle the explosives.
Letting out a sigh, Naruto relinquished his kunai from the terrorist's throat and slowly backed away.
"Good to know you grew up a little. You were all action first and talk later when we first met."
Deidara casually said while sitting up and cracked his neck.
"What do you want? If you hurt my friends, I won't hesitate to end you."
Naruto demanded with a threat. He may have backed off, but he already thought of nine different ways to kill the man in front of him should he do anything suspicious.
"Honestly, I'm not interested in fighting you. Or killing your friends for that matter. The only thing I'm interested in is perfecting my art. That's why I've been searching this world for someone who knew of that spell that brat over there casted."
Deidara replied with a shrug before he picked himself off of the ground and dusted off his dark cloak.
"...If I heard you correctly, you said you were a Demon King General. As an adventurer, I can't exactly let you go scott-free. Especially not after all the damage you've done here."
Naruto responded, not believing a single word that came out of his enemy's mouth.
"What, that? I'm mostly a General in name. I don't really care if the humans or the demons win. I only destroy places the Demon Kings requests as practice for my art. Also, I wasn't even trying to kill anyone. You got everyone to safety, didn't you?"
Deidara revealed and upon seeing the quizzical expression grow on his fellow shinobi's face, he laughed.
"Hah! That old geezer didn't tell you anything, huh? I guess you're still just a clueless little fox after all."
Deidara mockingly said before he started making his way towards Megumin.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing!? Also, what old geezer?"
What was this guy's deal? While it was true he hadn't found any casualties, and the explosions had detonated in relatively low populated areas each time… Surely this man was just as evil and uncaring for life as he was in their past lives.
"I'm going to have this Crimson brat teach me the ultimate magic, then I'm going to Axel. I have some beef with a certain shopkeeper who refused to teach me that spell despite us both being Generals."
Deidara begrudgingly said while smiling bitterly.
"I won't let you take Megumin! Wait… Do you mean Wiz!? If you lay a finger on her, I swear I'll-"
Naruto growled threateningly, but he was cut off when he heard screams from behind them.
"H-hey! What are these things!?"
"Bugs! Ah! This feels so gross on my bare skin!"
"K-Kazuma! This centipede is crawling into my armor to do unspeakable things to my body! W-what do I do!?"
The others finally noticed the clay insects Deidara had created and were now fighting them off.
Torn between saving Megumin and helping the others, Naruto cursed under his breath.
Shadow Clones? No, Deidara would just activate his bombs the moment he made the hand sign. Was the only option to let that maniac take her for now and save her later after they regrouped?
"Now then, Megumin of the Crimson Demons. Shall we depart so you can teach me the ways of Explosion magic?"
Deidara, having scaled the rubble Megumin was resting on, knelt beside her and asked.
"Yes, lead the way. But that last Explosion spell took the rest of my magic, so you'll have to carry me."
The little girl responded, prompting the terrorist to tilt his head.
"Oh, is that so? I guess it can't be helped. Mana exhaustion is troublesome, isn't it?"
Deidara said with an exaggerated sigh, and Megumin made an attempt to nod.
"Indeed. But it is all worth it to see the beauty that is Explosion magic. I'd give my body and soul to cast that spell."
"Hah! In my past life, I turned my body into an explosion to eradicate my enemy. That was my purest art that left an everlasting scar on the planet."
Deidara boasted with pride, and Megumin's eyes sparkled with wonder.
"That sounds really cool! You'll have to tell me more about that later. Also, Naruto said you were a part of an organization hellbent on world domination! Can I join!?"
The little girl asked and almost managed to pick herself up from sheer excitement despite her mana exhausted state.
"Haha! You got spunk, kid! That organization doesn't exist here, but we could start our own and overthrow the entire world with our art!"
Deidara suggested, and Megumin seemed like she was about to explode from the exhilaration.
Naruto was dumbfounded by just how much those two were resonating right now. Would it be better to just leave them be? It didn't look like Deidara had any ill-intentions… Towards Megumin, anyway.
No no no. There was no way he could do that. But what could he do in this situation? If he struck now, the others-
"Cursed Iced Prison!"
"!"
Out of nowhere, a spell burst out from the shadows and encased Deidara in a block of ice.
Without wasting a second, Naruto sprung into action and created a couple clones. Each copy rushed towards his friends and made short work of the clay insects.
Shortly after being split in half and tossed aside, the claymations detonated a short distance away.
Kazuma fell on his butt and gaped at the sight. Those things were explosive too!? He almost died again. How many near death experiences did he have just today?
Naruto did a quick three-sixty scan to make sure he didn't miss any before letting out a sigh of relief. But who-
"Ah."
The shinobi let out a strange noise upon seeing Wiz, who stood in a nearby alleyway wearing nothing but a towel.
"Wiz… Why…?"
Blushing, Naruto turned away from the girl. He appreciated her help but… Why in the world was she only wearing a bath towel?
As if noticing her own appearance for the first time, Wiz started fidgeting. Especially when all eyes fell on her.
"A-ah… Well, you see… I was bathing at the hot springs when everything started exploding and I couldn't find my clothes-kyaah!"
As Wiz was trying to explain herself, a clay spider had crawled up her leg and detonated. The tiny explosion blew the Lich's towel away, causing her to scream and cover her modesty from the two boys.
"Blurg…!"
Naruto flew back from a massive nosebleed, landing next to Kazuma who was holding his thumb up.
'Everything I went through today has led to this moment… Thank you, luck stat. I'm sorry I doubted you.'
With that thought, Kazuma clocked out for the day and fell unconcious.
Art truly was explosive.
A/N: I'd like to welcome Deidara to the Wonderful world of KonoSuba. It was definitely a long time coming, but a very much needed one. Hopefully I met or even exceeded expectations with these Explosive Reunions.
Now then, let's see the aftermath of the City of Mizuru.