Chapter 15.
The first thing Magnus does when we enter is sit down on the stone cold floor of the He sits there in absolute silent, his head cradled in his hands. I stall out our supplies and do my best to get a fire going. I keep looking over my shoulder to see if Magnus hasn't suddenly disappeared into thin air. He's so quiet I probably wouldn't even notice him going missing if I wouldn't look the entire time. I sit down next to him after I've started the fire. Both of us are grieving the loss of Elza, but it may be worse for him. She was his district partner, after all. I'm not sure how to comfort him, so I just sit here with him, hoping that my presence might be somewhat of a beacon rather than a burden. The two of us sit in silence for what feels like a long time. It could be hours or minutes; I've lost track of time.
After a while I can't take it anymore. I get up and rummage around, just to have something to do. I go outside and fill our water bottle with snow, which I then treat with the water purifier. Then I clean out the remaining fish and roast them above the campfire. I make sure Magnus is eating half of it, while I'm doing my best to finish up the other half. It isn't much, but it's still more than what I've eaten in the last few days. I'm not sure if I should leave Magnus alone, but I can't stand sitting around the entire day anymore. I wander around outside, but I don't stray too far. I want to keep an eye on Magnus, but I want to check our surroundings at the same time. Soon the sky begins to darken and snow starts to fall, driving me back inside. The snowfall only clears when the capitol anthem sounds and two faces are shown in the sky: Elza and Sophie. When the snow starts falling again, I go back inside and sit down next to Magnus again. He hasn't said a word the entire day and I'm not sure what to do with him anymore. I stare at the fire.
"Our father passed away when I was eight." Magnus is the first to eventually break the silence. He speaks softly. "My older brother, Basil, was twelve at the time."
He looks at me, anxiously awaiting my response. It's as if he isn't sure whether he should tell me this, or not. I nod for him to go on. I'm not sure why he's telling me this, or why he's telling me now, but I feel like it may be important - at least to him-, so I listen closely anyway.
"He was too young to take care of the family, too young to take such a weight on his shoulders, but our mother couldn't do it by herself. So Basil took the responsibility and helped her to take care of me and our younger brother, Oswald, who was only four at the time. As my mother made sure that there was food on the table every day, he got a job at the gold mines to make sure we were actually able to purchase that food and other materials." Magnus sighs, then continues his story. "He was seventeen when he got reaped for the games."
"And he decided to go? Why didn't he let a volunteer go in his place?" I ask. I know it's more usual for female tributes to drop out than for males, but still, it sounds like there was a lot at stake for Basil.
"It's the Fairbain family honour. You fight until you can no longer fight. A battle not fought is always lost and therefore dishonorable. You can't just opt out."
"But he would have opted out in order to take care of the family, right? I mean, it sounds like you needed him."
"If he would have, he would not have been able to get a job anymore. It's because of the honour thing. It's highly valued in the district." Magnus explains. He shrugs, but I can tell by the strain in his movement that this same weight on his shoulders now instead of Basil's.
"I had no idea the stakes were that high in your district." I say. In District 1, the Games are seen as exactly that: a game. Of course, honour plays a role, but in the end it's all good fun.
"It's only for the males. The females, not so much. Which is why it was easy for that girl from the Montgomersons to opt out."
Then it dawns on me what it is that he is trying to say: I have never heard of a victor named Basil Fairbain, which means that Magnus' brother must have been killed in the games that year.
It's as if Magnus can read my thoughts, because he continues his story. "My brother had started working full time in the gold mines after he finished school. He never had the opportunity to train, which left him nearly defenseless as he entered the arena. He managed to escape the bloodbath initially, but was beaten soon after. We got a compensation from the Capitol, but it wasn't much. So I had no choice but to take over his responsibilities. I was fourteen then. The Hunger Games were no longer a game for me, but a case of life and death. I got a job at an armory, which was fortunate for me, as it was an opportunity for me to train and earn money at the same time."
I am at a loss for words. I can't imagine what it would be like for me to lose Salem. Even though I've been a fan of the games since I was old enough to understand what it's about, I never had close friends or family that was lucky - or unlucky - enough to be reaped. I knew that people died, but it was always a part of the game. If Salem were to be reaped, the thought of him getting killed would barely even cross my mind. He would die an honourable death. But when I think about it now, I realise that death is a point of no return. If Salem were to die, he'd be gone for good. Just like Basil. For Magnus, it has never been such a fun game at all. It has never even been a game. It has always been a matter of life and death. No wonder he's so bitter about it.
"When I turned eighteen last winter, I had the hope that I might be lucky and would not be reaped for the games. But I had one more year to go, which turned out to be my year. I was glad that I had been teaching Oswald the things I've learnt from Basil, so he could take over in case I had to leave."
"Which you did." I say quietly. I'm starting to understand his reluctance now.
"Which I did. And although I had been training a little bit, I was certain that this would be a death sentence for me. Until I met Elza. She was smart, calculated, and offered to form an alliance with me. When you and Zircon joined us, I started to gain a little bit of hope. However, I never allowed myself to hope too much."
"Compared to other tributes, the odds are definitely in our favor." I say, with the tributes that we've already left behind us in mind.
"Yes, but this competition isn't over yet." Magnus says. "We shouldn't underestimate Trix and Aran. I've seen Aran in training, he's very tough. And he probably hasn't picked Trix as an ally just because she is pretty."
He's right. The battle has not been fought yet. But there is one thing that he and I both know for certain: it will be fought tomorrow. I've lost count of the days, but I'm certain that we've been in this arena for more than a week. Now that there are four of us left, my guess is that they are going to want the big finale to happen soon.
"I'm doing everything I can to make it out of here alive." Magnus tells me. "Our alliance has stood very strong, and I'm grateful for that. But I don't want to have to fight you, and we are almost out of time."
"I know." I nod, even though I don't want to admit that to him. I know what's going to happen next, and if I could stop the time here so we could freeze in this moment and stop everything from happening in the future, I would do it.. I've always been intrigued by him, and feel like I've grown strangely attached to him. But I need to win these games as badly as he does, so this leaves us with no other choice.
"Which is why we will be going separate ways." He says. I want to object, but there's a definiteness in his voice which tells me that I won't be able to change his mind. He must be able to read the desolate expression on my face, because he adds: "tomorrow."
Now it's certain that these are going to be my last moments with this no longer mysterious boy, either way. If we are lucky, one of us will make it out alive. But I also realise that there is something inside of me, that he isn't just an ally anymore, and I want him to know. If tonight is our last chance, then we didn't even get the three days he predicted.
"Magnus," I start. He turns to me.
"Satin." He replies, awaiting the rest of my words.
"I care about you." I say. It doesn't quite cover it, but it's the closest I think I'm going to get right now.
Magnus looks down and bites his lower lip. It's the most vulnerable I've seen him since I've met him.
"I could just kill you right now, do you know that?" He says, but there is no threat in his voice. He's more gentle than he's been before. "You and I both know I could easily overpower you."
I remain silent, not sure what he's trying to say.
"But I can't."
I gather the courage to look up and his dark eyes meet mine.
"I would have never expected to care about anyone here, but I care much more than I should. More than I can afford. More than I should probably tell you." He sighs. "And this is probably the dumbest thing I've done since I came here."
His face is close to mine, and before I even realise what's going on, his lips are touching mine. The sensation of his touch sends an electricity through my spine that makes me shiver, but not from the cold. This isn't my first kiss: I've kissed several other boys before back in District 1, including Blaze, but none of those kisses felt even remotely close to how this feels. It feels like pieces of a puzzle are falling into place. Like gravity has shifted and we are now floating instead of being pulled to the ground. Magnus puts his arms around me. His hands are rough, but they are gentle, and they make me feel like coming home. I've always thought of home as the place we live, or the house that we live in. But I now know that home is not a place. Home is where the heart belongs, and the heart belongs here, with him.
Magnus and I spend most of the night talking. He holds me in his arms as he tells me about his family and his job at the armory, and in turn I tell him about my home and my family. We stay up for as long as we can, getting to know one another, knowing that we are living on borrowed time. We only have tonight. Tomorrow the battle will be fought, and it will be over.
I'm still cradled in his arms, half asleep, as the first morning light seeps into our cave. I feel the touch of his lips one more time, this time on my forehead. We both know our time is over now.
Slowly and reluctantly, we gather our belongings and extinguish the smoldering remains of the fire. When we're done, Magnus and I stand outside of the cave for a while, both of us unsure of what to say. The events from last night linger between us.
Magnus is eventually the one who speaks up first.
"We should get moving." He says. "May the best tribute win." He says as he holds out his hand to me. I grab hold of it to shake it, but then Magnus pulls me towards him in an embrace. I don't want to let go, so we stand like this for another while. Eventually Magnus is the first to let go. Our eyes meet one last time before he turns around and heads towards the snowy plains, in the direction of the forest. I turn around and start walking the other way. I have to swallow three times, but the lump in my throat just won't go away.
I've decided to take the long journey towards the river. I want to regain my focus and have a last proper meal before the final battle begins. I stand on the edge of the ravine, but as I'm about to start climbing down, I see the river dry up before my eyes, leaving nothing but dry rock bottom. I sigh, sit down with my back to the edge, facing the snowy plains with the cornucopia in the far distance. I open the backpack from the feast, in which I find another blanket and a pack of dried fruit. Knowing I probably won't have much time left, I decide to eat all of it at once.
I just put the last piece of fruit into my mouth when I hear a sound that I don't recognize, coming from behind me. It sounds like metal scraping over metal, but possibly even more horrendous. I get up, turn around and immediately find the source of the sound. A huge swarm of birds is flying through the sky, flapping with their wings and squawking high-pitched screeches. They're not alone. From all sides of the arena, birds are flying in. Again, I've seen these animals on television before. White birds with grey marks and sharp, yellow beaks. I think they were called gulls. But the beaks of these creatures are longer and pointier than the ones on television had, and their claws, just like the claws of the icebears, are made of icicles. But the most terrifying thing about them are their blood red eyes, that are looking straight at me as they dive down.
I don't take time to think. I leave my backpack where it is and break into a run. As I run towards the cornucopia, I remember that most of the knives are still tucked inside my jacket. When I see two figures coming from the other side, also on the run for the birds, I'm glad I at least have the knives with me because I'm surely going to need them now.
Because right now, there's only one thing I know for sure.
The grand finale is about to begin.