Chapter 11: Memory
Bliss was the only word that could be used to describe the way I was feeling as I lay in bed beside Paul's sleeping form. My evening with Paul had been absolutely perfect and it felt like nothing would be able to ruin it.
I pulled the blankets up to my neck and snuggled closer to him, gently tracing circles on his bare chest with my finger. From what I could see, I hadn't caused him any physical damage—he didn't have any bruises or scratches or anything and for that I was relieved. I'd grown used to controlling my inhuman strength, but sometimes it was still hard to completely stay in control.
I knew that I would never grow tired of this—there wasn't anything I'd ever want that could be better than the feeling of laying there with him, wrapped securely in each other's arms.
For the first time in my vampiric life, it felt like I was completely happy. Of course, Will had made me happy, but in the back of my mind I'd always been thinking about continuing my hunt for the vampire who had turned me. With a jolt, I realized that I'd barely even thought about that since my arrival to Forks.
Paul's heartbeat was steady as he slept and I closed my eyes, listening to the sound of it. If I'd been human, I was sure that the rhythmic sound would have lulled me to sleep.
At around three in the morning, I heard noises coming from the front door of the apartment. I stiffened slightly and focused my hearing, and heard the doorknob twisting back and forth, followed by a deep exhale and light knocking.
Paul was so deep in his sleep cycle that the noise didn't even make him stir. The knocking persisted, slightly louder this time and I flung the blankets off of myself, quickly throwing Paul's shirt on over my head. It was comical how oversized it was on me, but I didn't have time to dwell on that for long.
I left Paul's bedroom and went to the door of the apartment, peeking through the peephole and bracing myself before opening the door.
Jared stood on the other side, shirtless and looking exhausted. He looked surprised to see me for an instant before quickly re-composing his features and completely concealing how he felt from me.
"Spending the night already, I see," he said tightly, stepping into the apartment.
"Sorry," I said, unsure of what I was even apologizing for. "Your knocking didn't wake him up so I figured I'd—"
"Yeah, thanks," he said in the same tight tone, brushing past me and stalking down the hall to his bedroom.
I exhaled deeply—clearly his opinion of me from the first day I'd met him hadn't changed in the slightest.
I locked the door of the apartment and returned to Paul's bedroom, sliding back into bed with him. He stirred slightly and shifted. I thought he'd just sensed that I'd returned to bed in his unconscious state, but then he spoke.
"Jared home?" he mumbled sleepily.
"Yeah, I think he forgot his keys."
"Yeah, that sounds like Jared," he said. "Thanks for getting the door for him."
"No problem," I mumbled, trying to ignore how irritated Jared had seemed by my presence in the apartment.
Even half asleep, Paul noticed my change in mood. He lowered his voice so Jared wouldn't hear from his room. "Did he say something to you?"
"No, he just seemed less than thrilled that I was here," I whispered back.
"He was probably just surprised," he said in the same low tone. "I texted him to give him a heads up, but I guess he didn't check his phone on his way back here."
"How do you keep your phones on you while you're out phasing?" I asked.
"Zippered pockets on our shorts," he chuckled. "Emily, Sam's fiancée, and Kim made us the cords to keep our shorts attached to our legs and sewed zippered pockets into them so we could keep the essentials on us."
"Smart," I murmured.
He sleepily pressed a kiss to my forehead and drew me closer to him, falling back asleep almost instantly and I was left alone with my thoughts.
I couldn't fault Jared for his dislike of me—he'd been raised to hate every part of me, no matter what. Paul's feelings for me didn't matter to him—he wasn't the one who was stuck with an imprint on the enemy. The best I could do was keep out of Jared's way and hope that he'd eventually warm up to me. The last thing I needed was for Jared's dislike of me to cause tension between the two of them.
Paul awoke again a few hours later, peppering my neck and jawline with gentle kisses. "Don't you get bored, just watching me sleep all night?"
I shook my head. "It calms me down. If I stay still enough and time my breathing with yours, it's the closest I can get to actually sleeping again." We were quiet for a few moments, enjoying the moment of quiet serenity. "You're probably going to think I'm ridiculous for asking this, but are you…okay?"
"What do you mean?"
"I didn't hurt you or anything, did I?" I asked. "It's hard to tell when you heal as quickly as you do and I could break a bone as simply as flicking my wrist."
He chuckled. "No, you didn't hurt me at all. I'm not that breakable."
"I had to make sure," I murmured.
"Your eyes have gotten darker," he noted. "Are you thirsty?"
"A bit," I said. "But it's been worse, trust me."
"What's the longest you've gone without feeding?" he asked, running his fingers along my arm.
"A few months," I said.
"Months?" he repeated. "You fed a few days ago and you're already thirsty again—why would you go that long?"
"It wasn't by choice, trust me," I muttered
"What do you mean?" he asked.
Just like that, I felt like I was transported back to Italy as I told him the story of how I'd been held hostage by the Volturi.
I walked down a street in Volterra on an overcast day, enjoying the fact that I could actually take in the beauty of the city for once. Because of the weather, the streets were very quiet and I'd just hunted so there was no fear of humans making my throat burn.
It felt like I'd hit a dead end in my search for the vampire who had turned me and as frustrated as I was, it was nice to take a moment to enjoy the scenery.
Out of nowhere, I was pulled into an alleyway. Whoever had grabbed me was incredibly strong, my thrashing and kicking against them did nothing. I was dragged through a dark corridor and then into a huge, circular white room. I didn't get to absorb many details before I was dragged into an elevator that began to descend. I was led through what looked like a reception area and then finally into a large room that had three massive wooden thrones with a vampire seated in each of them.
"Ahh, Demetri, I am so pleased to see that you have brought our dear Natalia back with you," the vampire seated in the middle throne said.
He had jet black hair, thin looking skin, and milky red eyes. It was strange to see eyes like that—any other vampire that I'd met had vibrant, ruby red eyes and it was unsettling to look into his eyes for too long. His skin reminded me of an onion's skin, as if it was about to slide off of his body. If our kind had blood running through our systems, I was sure that he—and the other two sitting next to him—would have the look of a constant flush to their skin. The vampire to the right had snowy white hair and the one to the left had the same inky black hair as the one in the middle.
The one in the middle spoke again. "You may let her go, Demetri, I do not believe that she will attempt an attack."
Demetri's hands came away from my arms and I immediately crouched into a defensive stance, but the vampire in the middle clicked his tongue at me in disapproval.
"There will be none of that, Natalia, we just want to speak with you," he said. I straightened immediately—that was the smarter option here. Everything about them was giving me red flags and I knew that it wouldn't end well for me if I tried to attack.
"Who are you?" I asked.
"We are the Volturi," the one in the middle said with a casual tone as if he was simply showing off his new pet. He motioned to the blond vampire. "This is Caius." He then motioned to the vampire with dark hair. "This is Marcus, and I am Aro, and I see that you've already met Demetri." Aro's smile was dangerous and unsettling.
"How did you find me?" I asked.
"We always know when a vampire has landed in our great city. Although, you are quite peculiar. You do not feed on humans, I see."
"No, I don't."
"Very, very interesting," he murmured. "What, may I ask, are you doing in our city?"
I hesitated and he noticed, so I spoke as swiftly and nonchalantly as possible. "I'm just here to enjoy the scenery—to take a little vacation. You truly do have a great city."
"I have quite a special power," he began to explain, making my stomach clench nervously. "I can see into the mind of anyone—every single thought they've ever had with a simple touch. May I?" He rose from his throne and held his hand out to me. I knew that even though he'd phrased it as a question, I didn't have the option to say no.
"Of course," I said, plastering a smile onto my face to hide how nervous I was. I took his hand and tried not to react to how brittle it felt.
His eyes widened at me in surprise and he let go of my hand almost immediately. "My goodness, that is quite the power you have, my dear. And to be born with such a power…" I didn't say anything, just nodded tightly. His voice had lost its' feigned casualness and there was a hungry edge to it that I didn't like. "I have a proposition for you. Your unique talent would be very useful to our guard. Would you like to join us?"
"No, thank you," I said. Nothing about them felt appealing to me—I'd been unsettled since I'd arrived inside.
"That is truly a shame," he said tightly. I noticed how angrily his jaw was set and there was a dangerous fire in his eyes. Caius and Marcus leaned forward slightly, anticipating what Aro was going to do next. "While I was in the depths of your mind, I did uncover the real reason for your trip to Volterra." I kept my expression smooth and neutral, not wanting him to notice any reaction to what he'd said. "You are seeking revenge on the vampire who turned you. What if I told you that we could aid you in your search for him? In fact, I am very familiar with the vampire you are hunting. Would that make you change your mind?"
I didn't want to admit how tempting it was.
I had been trying to track him down for as long as I'd been turned. It had been twelve long years of scouring this planet to find him so I could kill him.
"In exchange for your service with us, we will aid you in your search for him," he continued. "Demetri, the vampire who brought you to us today, is an exceptional tracker. He can find virtually anyone by following the tremors of their minds. Does that sway your opinion?"
I hesitated again—it was more tempting than I was willing to admit but I knew that being part of their guard was not for me. "While that is tempting, I will respectfully decline."
"That is truly a shame," he said. He inclined his head slightly to the left and out of the corner of my eye, I saw a small figure step closer to me. The tiny figure had pale, brown hair and angelic features, wearing the same billowing black robe as everyone else. "Demetri, Jane, will you please escort our guest downstairs? Jane, if she decides to give you any trouble, I trust that you will be able to handle her."
"With pleasure," she said, smiling sweetly at Aro and giving me a dangerous look.
I felt Demetri's hands latch onto my arms and I tried to struggle for a moment before I gave up, knowing that it was no use. "Where are you taking me?!"
Aro smiled wickedly. "To the dungeons, of course."
My eyes widened as Demetri began to drag me away from Aro, Marcus, and Caius. I fought against him with everything that I had in me, but it was no use. He was older and stronger than me, paired with what I assumed was a generous diet of human blood left me practically useless against him.
I wouldn't give up, though, I would fight as hard as I could to get away from them. I kept fighting as he dragged me through the corridors until he finally paused and said, "Jane, can you do something about this?"
"I thought you'd never ask," she said, sounding bored—but there was an edge of menace in her voice. She met my eyes and smiled at me in the same way a child would gleefully smile and suddenly every single nerve of my body was on fire. It gained intensity until I could barely feel anything.
I knew that this was the end for me. Of course they'd just kill me—had I ever even had a chance?
But then, as suddenly as it had began, it ended. The pain was gone and for the first time in my vampiric life, I felt weak as if I could barely walk.
"Now, are you going to behave, or do I have to do that again?" she asked sweetly.
At that point, I was basically leaning against Demetri, using him for support because I could barely stand. I nodded tightly at Jane, and Demetri lifted me up and hoisted me over his shoulder to carry me the rest of the way. After a little more walking, I was tossed into a small room with bars around the front of it and a narrow wooden bench in the corner. Jane closed the door of the cell and locked it—I instinctively tried to force the bars apart, but they wouldn't budge.
Jane smiled sweetly again. "Do you really think that you're the first vampire we've held hostage?"
I glared at her as she and Demetri left and I collapsed against the bench. What was I going to do? How long were they going to keep me here? Why were they even holding me captive?
I had just hunted prior to entering Volterra and I knew that the longest I could comfortably go without feeding would be about a week and a half.
Something told me I would be trapped here for much longer than that.
I thought back to what Aro had said and how tempting it had been to accept his offer. I'd been hunting down the vampire who turned me for twelve long years, yet it hadn't been enough to convince me to join them. Everything about them from the way they held themselves to the walls of the castle were unsettling to me.
Weeks later, my throat was on fire and I was laying flat on my back on the bench. I had never gone this long without feeding before and it felt like I could smell the blood of the humans strolling around the streets above me, even though I was sure that there were multiple layers of concrete and dirt between us. One week into my captivity I'd stopped bothering to attempt an escape—I had already started feeling weakened by my lack of blood at that point as it was.
I heard footsteps approaching my cell, but I ignored them. I was used to hearing people walk by whether they were human or vampire. On the rare occasion that a human walked by, the burning in my throat would intensify and become nearly unbearable.
"Natalia."
It was Aro.
I turned my head slightly to see that he had a small figure with him. At first, I thought that it was Jane coming to torture me again like she did nearly everyday, but I soon realized that it was a human child—he looked no older than ten years old. I didn't dare inhale—children's blood smelled even better than most adults.
"I have a gift for you," Aro said.
When I didn't respond, Aro unlocked the door to my cell and opened it with one of his gloved hands. For one fleeting moment, I thought about making a run for it, but I knew that it wouldn't end well for me. I was already in a weakened state and Aro probably had members of the guard stationed nearby in case I tried to run off.
"In you go," he said, gently pushing the boy into my cell.
"What are you doing?" I demanded through clenched teeth.
"I'm giving you a little treat," he said gleefully. "It has been a long time since you've fed and we both know that the younger they are, the fresher the blood."
"I don't want it," I snapped.
"Touchy, touchy," he said, closing the door and locking it again. "And Natalia, if you don't drink from him, we will."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
Aro had already begun to walk away, but at my question he turned back to look at me. "We do not take a refusal to join us lightly, Natalia. I cannot execute you for that alone, however this will give me a good reason to."
I didn't understand what he meant by that—how would me killing the child be enough for him to execute me?
And then, it dawned on me.
He meant whenever I escaped. He knew that I desperately needed to feed and whenever I got out, he expected me to cause a bloodbath in the city.
Or perhaps he thought that if I fed on the child, the taste of human blood would be enough to cause me to spiral and attack the entire city. Aro noticed my face clearing with understanding and laughed as he walked away.
The little boy watched as Aro retreated before turning his frightened eyes to me. "What's going to happen to me? What happened to my parents?"
He spoke English and he sounded terrified. He was an American boy probably on vacation with his family and I was sure I knew what had already happened to his parents, but I couldn't be the one to tell him.
"Hopefully you'll see them soon."
I rose from the bench and sat on the floor of the cell in the corner, putting as much distance between us as I possibly could.
"Are you going to hurt me?" he asked.
I hated seeing the fear in his eyes and hearing it in his voice. "No, I'm not going to hurt you."
I was not going to let my thirst control me.
I didn't dare breathe as I curled into the corner of the cell and the boy sat on the bench. He was shaking with fear and he hugged his knees to his chest and I wished that I could reach out and comfort him, but I couldn't be trusted to.
Would it be better for him if I just ended it? Surely I would do it in a much more civil way than a member of the Volturi would.
No. I wouldn't let Aro win.
I had no idea how much later it was that Aro returned—time had begun to lose all meaning to me by my second week of captivity. I watched Aro as he approached the cell and wanted nothing more than to rip his head clean off.
I saw a quick flash of anger in his eyes and his voice was stiff as he said, "I see you have not touched your meal."
"I never intended to," I said through clenched teeth.
"Well, I guess he is mine then," he said, smiling wickedly. He opened my cell and I had the urge to make a run for it again, but I didn't. I'd completely locked my limbs into place to avoid attacking the boy and I knew that I wouldn't be fast enough to get past Aro.
Aro reached into the cell and pulled the kid out by his collar. I looked away from them but Aro cleared his throat. "Oh no, Natalia, I want you to watch."
"No," I whispered, feeling pathetic begging him the way I was, but I had to. I couldn't watch him murder this poor boy. "No, please don't."
Aro grinned wickedly and put his hands on the boy's neck. "I will be very quick."
He snapped the boy's neck and I was forced to watch as he sunk his teeth into his flesh and drained the boy of all of his blood.
"God, Natalie, that's horrible," Paul said, pulling me even closer to him. "How did you escape?"
"They let me go," I shrugged. "I guess they figured they'd waited long enough that I wouldn't be able to control my thirst and cause a bloodbath in the town. Instead, I got out of the city as quickly as I could and found a foresty area to hunt in."
"And they didn't come after you?"
"Not right away," I said. "Over the years, Aro has sent members of their guard after me to try and capture me again. They even went as far as torturing Will to try and convince me to join them."
"Seriously?"
I nodded. "I almost gave in but Will wouldn't let me. He knew that they wouldn't have actually killed him—they only kill vampires who have actually broken their laws because they see every vampire as too valuable to destroy—but seeing him in so much pain because of me…" I closed my eyes and shuddered, trying not to picture the way his body had crumpled in pain as Jane used her power on him.
Paul tilted my face up to his and pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead. "I'll protect you."
"That's what I'm afraid of," I whispered.
I knew that as long as I was with him, he would be in danger. The only reason the Volturi hadn't killed Will was because he was a vampire. I was sure they wouldn't hesitate to kill Paul just to get to me.
Eventually, the Volturi would find me here—the Cullens had told me about their strained relationship with them. It was just a matter of time before they discovered that I was here trying to live a somewhat normal life.
When that day would come, I knew that I would have to do everything I could to protect Paul, even if it meant leaving him to keep him safe. It would break his heart, but at least it'd still be beating.
For now, though, it was enough to lay in bed with him, enjoying what I was sure was one of our numbered days together.