Author's Note: TW/CW: references to self-harm, alcohol abuse, needles, blood, medical situation, references to past trauma, and sexually suggestive dialogue (it's at the beginning between Sirius and Remus).
Hi friends! A lovely reviewer on AO3 said that they were looking forward to this more than Christmas, so I hurried and finished this chapter! I'm not sure how I feel about it, so let me know what you think!
It'll probably be a bit before the next chapter (sorry!)
A loving reminder that you are important, you matter, your feelings are valid, and you make this world a better place simply by existing. I'm proud of you! You are loved.
Chapter Summary: Remus has a therapy session with Harry. Severus and Albus destroy a Horcrux and Harry has to endure the pain once again. Remus and Sirius confront Severus about what happened with the Horcrux. Minerva talks to Harry about the full transformation. Harry has an Occlumency lesson.
Previous Chapter Summary: Neville is with Remus, Sirius, and Harry for a few days. Sirius and Remus talk. Harry, Neville, and Draco hang out in the Gryffindor Common Room. Neville has a therapy session with Remus. Neville gets something important.
"Are you sure it's not a problem if I stay here for a few days?" Draco asked Remus and Sirius as he entered the Marauder Quarters with a small bag.
"No problem at all!" Sirius cried, patting Draco on the back.
"Severus is going to be gone for a while when he's with Albus and I don't know if he'll need a few days to recover. Besides, it gives Harry someone to be with," Remus said.
"What am I, five?" Harry insisted, turning to Remus.
Nevertheless, Harry was happy that Draco was there.
"Come on, I'll show you where to put your stuff."
"Harry, I've been here before," Draco pointed out as Harry led him down the hall.
"Yeah, but it's an excuse for me to get away from my parents," Harry replied before turning into the room.
Sirius and Remus laughed at Harry's response and moved to the couch to talk
"I'm glad Draco's here. It'll be good for him and Harry," Sirius said.
"It will be. It's a good distraction for what's going on, too," Remus pointed out.
Sirius nodded and sighed. "We've got to talk about that Remus. We have to make a plan with Harry about what's going to happen when Severus and Albus destroy the Horcrux. Every time we've brought it up, Harry has changed the subject."
Remus sighed now and nodded. "I know. And they're probably going to destroy it tomorrow. They leave at dawn. I'm hoping to talk to Harry about it at our session today. Draco's going to have a private dinner with Severus before he leaves and I'll try to talk to Harry then if that works for you."
"Of course, of course. I just want Harry safe."
"I know, Love. You're a great father."
"And so are you," Sirius reminded his husband.
Remus smiled and made a satisfied hum as he leaned in to kiss Sirius. "I love you," Remus murmured.
"I love you too," Sirius whispered back before leaning in for another kiss.
"BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING ELSE, DRACO AND I ARE LEAVING," Harry said loudly, his eyes averted to the ground.
Remus and Sirius chuckled and Sirius said, "Pup, we weren't-"
"I DON'T want to hear it," Harry insisted, cutting him off. "We'll see you later."
Sirius and Remus chuckled again and waved goodbye to the boys.
The two men watched as the door shut and then Sirius turned to Remus. "Well we might as well do what Harry was insinuating," Sirius whispered in Remus' ear as he kissed his earlobe.
"Sirius," Remus breathed, deciding if he wanted to protest or not.
Sirius pulled away and raised a seductive eyebrow.
"Okay, let's go," Remus agreed, leaning in to kiss his husband.
And who said romance was dead?
Later on that day, Harry had dropped Draco off at Severus' quarters and headed to Remus' office, as Remus had sent him an earlier message requesting him to go there when he was done with Draco.
"Moony Da?" Harry asked as he poked his head in.
"Harry!" Remus smiled. "Come in and shut the door."
Harry did as he said and sat down on the couch and grabbed a pillow. "What's up?"
"It is Thursday, the day we usually have our session," Remus pointed out.
"Yeah, but I can tell you want to talk to me about something," Harry shot back.
Remus smiled at his son and said, "Yes, you're right. It's almost like you were raised by some Marauders."
"Almost," Harry teased, winking back.
Remus' smile widened. He hated to end Harry's playful mood, but he knew he needed to talk to Harry about what they would do about the Horcrux. Remus took a breath and said, "Harry, I want to ask you about something."
"Yeah?" Harry replied casually, now tossing a snitch up in the air and catching it.
"I want to talk to you about Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape destroying the Horcrux tomorrow."
Harry froze and the snitch landed on the coffee table. Harry eventually once again grabbed the pillow and held it tight. "Okay," Harry said slowly.
Remus gave Harry a sympathetic smile and slowly continued. "I know it caused you a lot of pain last time."
Harry nodded.
"This time we want to have you in the Hospital Wing. That way, when it happens, we can give you a pain potion and keep you safe."
Harry slowly nodded. "I understand. I don't like it, but I understand it."
"Do you have another idea?" Remus asked, genuinely asking. He wanted to make sure Harry knew that he had a role in deciding this and wasn't alone.
Harry shook his head. "That's probably the best idea for this whole thing, but I don't like it. I don't like any of it!" Harry huffed, frustrated.
Remus nodded. "Tell me more about that."
"I didn't ask to be a Horcrux! I don't want to be one! And now as they're being destroyed I have to go through this pain because of it. And if I know they're being destroyed, so does Voldemort! He's angry! And then I have to put up a stronger shield, which takes a lot of effort, by the way. And I only have Occlumency practices because of Voldemort!"
Harry was now standing and ranting, telling Remus exactly how he was feeling.
"And the Horcruxes wouldn't be as big of a deal if I wasn't one! I mean this whole thing is insane! I feel guilty I'm not out hunting them because they're being destroyed so I stay alive, but that's a complicated topic."
Harry was pacing back and forth now.
"And going back to tomorrow, I have to bother people because we don't know when the Horcrux is going to be destroyed and I have to be monitored during it. It's terrible!"
Harry finished speaking and was clenching his fists. He looked out the charmed window and tried to take deep breaths. He eventually looked over at Remus and said, "Sorry. It all came out."
Remus shook his head. "There's absolutely no need to apologize. I asked and I wanted to know. I wanted and want to hear what's on your mind. This is a safe space. I am a safe person."
Harry nodded and took another breath before going to sit back down on the couch.
Remus eyed him before getting up and moving next to him. "Harry, I want you to listen carefully to what I'm about to say, alright?"
Harry nodded.
"I am glad you are here. I am so thankful you exist. You make my life and the lives of others better."
Remus paused and Harry blushed and looked down before looking back up at Remus.
"If in some terrible universe, you didn't exist, we would still be hunting Horcruxes. We'd still be trying to defeat Voldemort. Yes, we don't want this evil person after you, but that's not the whole reason why we're destroying the Horcruxes. We're destroying them to destroy Voldemort. That is an evil man. You are a wonderful boy."
Harry smiled and reached out to hold Remus' hand. Remus took it and squeezed it and continued talking. "You are important to us and we love you, do you hear me?"
"Yes, Sir," Harry acknowledged softly.
"Good. Now about you feeling guilty, you are entitled to your feelings and they are valid."
Harry always appreciated being told that after years of being told that he was nothing (and, of course, his own brain telling him that he was nothing).
"While you feel this way, I hope you know that you are not a bother to anyone. We want to help you. We like to help you. You are also a child. You, nor anyone who is under the age of thirty, should be trying to hunt and destroy these on your own."
"Thirty, Moony Da," Harry said, rolling his eyes.
Remus nodded. "I mean it. Your brain doesn't fully develop until you're twenty-five and that's an average. Your magic is still growing and changing and even when your brain is fully developed, it takes time to figure more things out. Honestly, no one has it figured out. Professor Dumbledore is old and knows more about magic than any of us. He should be doing this with us. This is not your responsibility."
"It feels like it is," Harry admitted.
"I understand. I hear you and that's valid. I am also telling you that it isn't. I understand and truly know that it doesn't change your feelings, but I want you to give yourself the permission to, when you can, logically remind yourself that it is not your responsibility. You are a child and you are doing everything you should."
Harry nodded. He took a few seconds to pause and take more deep breaths before saying, "I hear you. I'm trying to process it all right now and it just takes time."
Remus was so proud of his Cub for using his words to say what he needs!
"Take your time. Take all the time you need. I'm here for you," Remus reassured him, squeezing his hand.
Harry did take time to think and process. He'd occasionally ask Remus a question who would respond with affection and care.
After a while, Harry was more comfortable with what they talked about and came up with a plan with Remus about how the next day was going to go.
"Moony Da?" Harry asked at the end of the session.
"Yes, Love?"
"I know Draco has a while until he comes back. D'ya think I can rest until he gets back? This session was a lot."
Remus gave Harry a warm smile. "Of course, Love. I'll take you to our quarters. I think Padfoot'll want to take a nap with you."
"I don't need anyone right now," Harry protested tiredly.
"That's true, but Dadfoot was lesson planning and you know how exhausted he is after that."
Harry laughed and was able to think of several naps after lesson planning sessions. "Fair enough."
Remus chuckled and kissed Harry on the top of his head. "Come on, Cub."
Harry took his father's hands and followed him into the fireplace and flooed with him to their quarters. Remus was right (as usual) and Padfoot was more than happy to rest with Harry.
Harry woke up from his nap with enough time to work on some summer homework before Draco came back and they all had dinner.
While the evening with Remus, Sirius, and Draco was nice for Harry, he knew that the next day wouldn't be.
They had a light breakfast before heading down to the hospital wing where Poppy was waiting as she was prepped by Dumbledore before he left.
"Harry, I'm glad you're here," she greeted warmly as she walked towards the boys.
"Hi, Aunt Poppy," Harry said, trying to have courage.
"Now after what Albus told me, many things now make sense. That scar of yours was always perplexing to me," Poppy mused.
"It's perplexing to most people," Harry grumbled as he climbed onto the bed.
Remus gave him a sympathetic smile and squeezed his shoulder in response.
"Now, Albus gave me a general timeline, but I'm not sure when exactly it is going to be destroyed. I was thinking you can hang out here until then."
"Okay," Harry agreed. He figured out that zoning out would be the best for him right now. He hated this situation and didn't want to deal with it any more than he had to.
"I'll be at my desk and let you all hang out until I'm needed," Poppy explained.
Harry had to hand it to her, she was taking this whole Horcrux stuff pretty well.
"Thanks, Poppy," Sirius said.
"Of course," Poppy replied. She lingered a moment longer and gave them all a warm smile before going back to her office.
"Well, we have time to kill," Harry said as he got himself comfortable on the bed.
"I've got games," Sirius smiled.
"Brilliant, thanks, Dadfoot," Harry said. He did all he could to keep r out of his voice.
Remus and Sirius, however, knew their son. They exchanged looks and Remus knelt down and spoke softly to Harry.
"Harry, it's okay to be nervous. You're not alone in that. We're here for you."
Harry smiled and shook his head, trying to blink back tears. "I don't want to focus on that right now. I just want to be distracted."
"Okay. Okay, Cub. We can do that," Remus agreed softly as he gently rubbed circles on Harry's back.
Harry took a shuddering breath and blinked back the rest of his tears. He cleared his throat and said, "So, what do we got?"
"How about some exploding snap?" Sirius suggested.
"Sounds great," Harry replied.
Draco, Sirius, and Remus got comfortable around Harry and they began to play.
They played exploding snap for a while before moving on to Wizarding Chess. Sirius and Remus played each other and then Harry and Draco played each other.
Sirius and Draco ended up playing each other and Sirius won (much to his glee).
They all were playing with a Muggle deck of cards when Harry's scar first had a tinge of pain.
Harry had a sharp inhale of breath in response to the pain and Remus, always the healer, immediately put his eye on Harry. "Harry, are you okay?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah. I don't know if it's the Horcrux or-" Harry couldn't even finish his sentence due to another pain in his scar.
"Yeah, okay, it's the Horcrux," Harry said through gritted teeth.
Draco hopped off the bed and went to get Madame Pomfrey while Remus helped Harry lay down. Sirius slipped his hand into Harry's and Harry squeezed it gratefully. "It's okay. I'm not dying or anything," Harry tried to joke in between his pained gasps.
"This doesn't look painless," Remus pointed out. "We're here for you no matter what."
Harry tried to smile in gratitude, but instead winced and squeezed his eyes shut.
"Remus, apply this to his scar," Poppy said, bustling over and handing him some salve.
"This is going to cool your scar down, okay, Cub?" Remus explained gently.
Harry didn't reply and was holding onto Sirius for dear life. Sirius was softly whispering affirmations in Harry's ear and trying to soothe the teenager.
At one point Sirius went, "Oh, I almost forgot!" And summoned an old stuffy out of the bag he brought with the games.
It was Prongsy, Harry's beloved stuffed animal when he was young.
Sirius slipped Prongsy under Harry's arm and into his other hand, and Harry almost smiled with the comfort it brought him. Harry squeezed it tight and held it close to his face, inhaling the scent of his beloved Prongsy.
Harry felt his head become worse and he whimpered, squeezing his eyes tight and wanting more than anything to not be in this situation.
"Harry, I have a special type of pain potion for you. It can be used several times during a procedure. I'm going to inject it in your arm," Poppy calmly told him.
Harry groaned in response. He felt the matron swab his arm before a needle pricked his skin.
Harry did not appreciate the pain of the injection and whimpered as Poppy injected it. While the pain that was inflicted by himself was okay, he still despised shots.
"You're doing so good, Puppy. So good!" Sirius whispered, praising Harry calmly and he held his hand and rubbed encouraging circles with his thumb.
Harry felt one of his legs kick out in pain and Draco was at the edge of the bed, watching. He gently held Harry's feet down to make sure Harry wouldn't hurt himself.
Harry felt the pain go down a level once Poppy finished her shot and he gulped the air greedily, trying to breathe when he had the chance.
"Slow breaths, Harry," Remus reminded him as he continued to rub the salve into Harry's forehead.
Harry slowed down his breathing and tried to listen to the calming words from Sirius. He was able to have a small sip of water in between his pants of pain. He swallowed it and took a few more deep breaths before the pain increased tenfold.
Harry yelled out in pain and once again squeezed his eyes shut. He didn't hear anything anyone said over the pounding in his ears and the pain that kept increasing. Then, Harry felt his scar split open. He could feel the blood trailing down his forehead before it was wiped away.
Harry began to come and go out of consciousness. There was another prick on his arm and the pain started to fade a bit, but only enough to leave him in a fully conscious state.
"Just leave me be!" Harry moaned, fighting against everyone around him. He could've passed out from the pain if it wasn't for the pain potion and Harry found that much more appealing than this torture.
"Draco," Remus called sharply. Draco went over to Remus and Remus gave him the salve to keep applying. Remus, meanwhile, gently held down Harry's arms and legs and got on the bed.
"Harry. Harry, listen to me," Remus said softly, getting near Harry's ear. "We're here to help you. It's not going to get any worse. Keep taking some deep breaths, Cub."
Harry twisted his neck and hissed in pain.
"You're safe, Harry. We've got you," Remus reassured him. Harry didn't respond.
"Sirius, switch with me," Remus said.
Remus went to Harry's side and Sirius popped into Padfoot and laid on top of Harry, providing pressure on him.
"You're safe, Harry. Take some deep breaths," Remus tried again.
Harry heard him that time as the pain began to ebb. Harry felt the salve once again begging applied to his scar. He heard Madame Pomfrey speaking softly to Draco about bandaging his scar and felt the gauze on it after the salve.
Harry took some deep, shuddering breaths and Remus praised him.
Harry was eventually able to slow his breathing down enough to have a sip of water.
"Harry, one more prick," Madame Pomfrey explained.
Harry let out a whine and Remus squeezed his hand and once again spoke softly in Harry's ear to help calm him down.
Draco kept Harry's arm still for Madame Pomfrey.
Harry let out another whine when he felt the needle and Padfoot nuzzled closer to Harry's face, licking him.
Draco applied the bandage when Madame Pomfrey was done. She quickly moved the tray of everything they used away from Harry's bed and said, "How are you feeling?"
"In pain," Harry managed to croak out.
Although Harry's eyes were mostly closed, Madame Pomfrey still gave Harry a sympathetic smile. "I hear you. Hopefully, the pain should go down soon. However, we don't really know."
Harry grimaced and Remus gave a reassuring squeeze of his hand.
"I just want to rest now," Harry told everyone.
"That sounds just fine. I'll be in my office if you need anything, alright? When you wake up I'll check on some things."
Harry hummed in acknowledgment.
Madame Pomfrey gave him a warm smile and silently instructed Draco to follow her.
As they walked away, Harry gently touched Padfoot who moved off of Harry and moved next to him. Harry released Remus' hand and wrapped it around Padfoot and nestled his hand into the dog's shaggy fur.
"Moony Da?" Harry murmured with his eyes closed.
"Yes, Love?" Remus replied, dimming the lights with his wand and lovingly moving a piece of hair off of Harry's forehead.
"Did Aun' Poppy give me somethin' ta make me sleepy?"
Remus chuckled at Harry's exhausted, slurred speech.
"Not exactly. The pain medication she gave you that we use for procedures often makes people sleepy."
"Oh. Mkay," Harry said, as sleep crept up on him.
"Just rest now, Harry. We've got you," Remus whispered, rubbing Harry's arm.
"Love you," Harry muttered before falling asleep.
"We love you too. We love you too."
Harry stayed in the Hospital Wing until later that evening. When he awoke he still had a headache, but it wasn't as nearly as bad as it was before. Remus and Sirius were allowed to take him back to the Marauder Quarters if Healer Lupin kept an eye on him (which of course he did).
Harry spent the next day recovering and playing games with Draco (and doing some summer homework together, much to Harry's dismay).
Severus and Albus had returned the day the Horcrux was destroyed, but Sirius and Remus were giving them some space. Two days after they returned, however, Remus was getting worried.
"Draco, Harry," Remus called out to the boys.
"Yeah?" Harry replied, coming into the sitting room with Harry.
"Sirius and I are going to check on Professor Dumbledore and Professor Snape. We haven't heard much from them since they returned and we want to make sure they're okay."
"Is Uncle Sev not okay?" Draco asked, worried.
"I'm sure he's physically alright," Sirius quickly said. "Destroying the Horcrux, is, well, brutal. It does what it can to dissuade you to destroy it. We want to make sure he's coping alright. Sometimes it takes a few days to find your rhythm again. I know it did for me."
Draco nodded slowly, feeling better after Sirius explained. "Oh, okay. Thanks for checking on him. Tell him I say hello."
"We will," Sirius assured him warmly.
Harry gave his godparents quick hugs. "Bye, guys. See you. Love you."
"We love you, too. Make good choices while we're gone, okay?" Remus asked, raising an eyebrow.
Harry rolled his eyes dramatically. "Yes, Moony Da."
Remus chuckled and ruffled Harry's hair and said, "Cheeky Cub," before leaving with Sirius.
Draco and Harry stayed in the Marauder Quarters and hung out as Remus and Sirius headed to the dungeons. They had met with Albus the day before and heard more about what happened to destory the Horcrux. Albus said that Severus was the one to destroy it and it was rather hard on him.
While both Remus and Sirius were going because they cared about Severus, Remus knew how to handle the situation professionally and Sirius had already destroyed a Horcrux so he knew how traumatic the experience is.
Remus and Sirius walked silently together and once they got to Severus' quarters, Remuc knocked on the door. They waited a while and there was no answer. Remus went to knock again, but Sirius opened the door and went right in.
Remus glared at Sirius, but it didn't last long because he was overcome with the smell of firewhiskey.
"Severus? Are you here?" Sirius called softly as he walked into his quarters.
Remus softly shut the door behind him. He and Sirius didn't have to get far before a very drunk Severus stood up and slured, "What're you doing here?"
"We came to see how you're doing," Remus told the man calmly.
"I'm fine. Go away," Severus insisted, gesturing towards the door with his Firewhiskey bottle.
"Severus, we need to talk to you. Albus and Poppy have tried to reach out and you haven't responded," Remus said.
"Because I'm fine," Severus growled.
"Severus," Sirius began, taking a cautious step closer. "I destroyed a Horcrux. I know how horrible it is. I'm just hear to help."
"You have no idea how bad it was," Severus cried, picking up a glass and throwing it against the wall.
"You're right. We don't. Why don't you tell us," Remus said carefully.
"I had to see Lily," Severus spat.
Both Remus and Sirius paled at the mention of their deceased friend.
"She told me she would never forgive me. She blamed me for everything that happened with Harry. She said some terrible things."
"That sounds absolutely horrific, Severus. I'm so sorry," Remus said.
"You don't need to be sorry! I just wish it never happened!" Severus seethed.
Sirius took a few steps closer to Severus. He sat down on the ground next to the man and said, "I wasn't there. I don't know everything you heard. I do know that everything that was said was a lie. That's the whole point of the Horcrux. They're all lies, Severus. None of it is true."
"But it sounded just like her," Severus whispered.
Logically, yes, Severus did know that the Horcrux was evil and it wasn't real. However, his feelings and insecurities beat out his logical brain with this.
Sirius nodded empathetically. "I know it did. It's all meant to trick you. You did the right thing, Severus. You destroyed it. Voldemort didn't even know it was you. You made Lily proud by destroying it." Before Severus could interrupt, Sirius put up a hand and said, "We both knew her, Severus. Lily gave her life to protect her son. You destroyed part of the man that killed her. She would be proud."
"And she'd give you a scolding like none other if you tried to tell her she wasn't," Remus pointed out.
A small smile finally graced Severu's face for the first time in days. "She would, wouldn't she?"
"I can hear her now. She'd put her hands on her hips and say 'Severus! I am proud of you! Don't ever say that!'" Sirius mocked. "And then she'd give you a hug and you would try to get out of it, but she'd hold you tight."
Severus' eyes filled with tears. "You're right. She'd whisper to me and tell me things no one else would. She was amazing, she was."
"Yes, she was," Remus agreed.
"And she wouldn't want to see you like this," Sirius pointed out. "None of that was easy and you have to take time and process it, but she wouldn't want to see you wasting away."
Severus sighed, but didn't say anything.
"Draco's asked about you," Sirius softly pointed out.
"Draco?" Severus' eyes shined a bit brighter.
Remus nodded. "He sends his love. He was worried about you. He enjoys speninding time with Harry, but I believe he misses his godfather."
"I miss him too," Severus admitted.
"Good. Now, let's get you a potion to sober you up and get you in the shower."
"Sirius!" Remus hissed.
"He doesn't want a therapy session, Remus," Sirius pointed out.
Remus rolled his eyes and opened his mouth to speak, but Severus spoke instead. "The mutt is right. I don't want it."
Remus' face softened and he nodded. "Alright. I won't press right now, but I will check in with you later."
"If you must," Severus drawled.
"Where is your Sobering Potion?" Sirius asked.
"I may be drink, but I'm with it enough to grab it myself," Severus muttered as he stumbled up and over to his cabinet. He shuffled through the vials before downing one. Before he could even think about throwing it up, he quickly took a stomach soother and a headache potion.
Severus groaned, but felt more human (and hungover).
"No hangover potion until after you've showered and eaten," Sirius reminded him, giving him a small push to the bathroom.
"I can do this on my own," Severus grumbled.
"Then do it. We'll be here," Sirius said.
"I don't need babysitters."
"Listen, it gives us 15 minutes of time without teenagers. Let us have it," Sirius said.
Severus knew that Sirius was being sarcastic, but the animagus was rather pushy.
Severus just grumbled under his breath as he went toward the shower.
Remus and Sirius picked up his quarters while he was gone. Nothing too wild, but they cleaned up the alcohol bottles (including the one he threw against the wall) and sanitized most of the surfaces so it was inhabitable once again.
If Severus noticed when he returned, he didn't say anything. Remus and Sirius talked to him a bit more before leaving him alone and eventually returning Draco that evening.
Horcrux hunting is hard and no one can do it alone. Everyone needs some support and care, even the bat from the dungeons.
It was about a week later and Harry was gearing up for another Occlumency lesson with Severus. He was nervous due to what happened last time with Snape. To take his mind off of it, he went to go see Minerva McGonagall.
"Grandma Min?" Harry called out as he knocked on the door to her quarters.
"Come on in, Harry," Minerva called out from inside.
Harry went in and shut the door behind him. Minerva was exiting the kitchen and smiled as she saw her pseudo grandson in her sitting room.
"Harry! What are you doing here?" She asked.
"I have Occlumency later tonight and I was a bit worried about it, so I came here."
"Are you safe right now?" Minerva asked, hurrying over to Harry.
"I'm good, Grandma Min. I'm not hurting myself or anything like that. I'm just a bit worried and wanted to see my grandma."
Minerva smiled, relieved. "Well, that can certainly be arranged."
Harry smiled.
"Take a seat. Can I get you some lemonade and biscuits?"
"That'd be great, Grandma Min. Thanks," Harry said, taking a seat on the couch.
Minerva came back quickly with a tray and sat down next to Harry.
"What's worrying you, Love?"
Harry paused in grabbing a biscuit and sighed. "It's just that the last lesson I had was a rough one and Professor Snape saw some, uh, rough memories and it's just exhausting with that. Besides, I know he had a rough time Horcrux hunting with Grandad and Draco says he's doing fine, but I don't know. Draco left yesterday to go be with Blaise for a week so I can't ask him how he is before my lesson. I'm worried."
Minerva leaned over and gave her grandson a hug. "It's okay to be worried. Yes, you've both gone through some difficult experiences last time. This time might be better," Minerva said.
"Maybe," Harry shrugged.
Minerva was quiet for a moment before a smile grew across her face. "Would you like to be distracted?"
"What are you thinking?" Harry asked. He rarely saw his grandmother with that smile and was rather intrigued.
"Why don't we talk about your complete transformation. You are rather close and I can see it happening any day now."
"Can I try it today?"
Minerva chuckled, but shook her head. "I want to talk about it before we try it. It is challenging and I don't want you to get hurt."
Harry sighed, but expected that answer. "Okay, yeah. I understand."
"Soon," Minerva said, putting her hand over his. "Now, let's talk about the full transformation."
A small smile graced Harry's face. He could talk about this.
Harry stayed with Minerva until dinner before they headed to the Great Hall to eat with the rest of the staff that was still there. Severus didn't join, but that wasn't unlike him.
Harry enjoyed dinner with his parents, grandparents, and professors before giving a hug to his grandparents and parents and headed off to the dungeons. Harry couldn't shake his nervousness for his lesson. He tried to remind him about how caring Snape was with the razor, but he felt uneasy.
Harry gathered up all his Gryffindor courage before knocking on Severus' door.
There wasn't a response.
Harry knocked again. "Professor? It's Harry. I'm here for my lesson," Harry called out.
Immediately, the door opened and Severud said. "Come in, Harry."
Harry went inside the quarters. It was…different than he was used to. He couldn't put his finger on it, but something was off.
"You don't have any spot set up for our lesson. Where do you want me?" Harry asked.
"Sit in a chair by the table," Severus said.
Harry slowly did as he was told. He hasn't sat in those for a lesson before.
Harry's unease grew and grew, but he couldn't put his finger on it.
That is, until Severus sat down in front of him. "Shall we?" Severus drawled.
Harry paled.
It finally made sense. What was off, what was weird. Harry saw his professor's eyes. Harry could smell his professor's breath.
A chill went down Harry's spine as the puzzles pieces of his mind moved into place. Harry was thrown back into his past with Vernon. He remembered this. He remembered the scent, the look, the behavior.
Severus was drunk.
Alternatives to Harming Yourself:
1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust
2. Exercise
3. Get outside and get some fresh air
4. Have a warm beverage
5. Write something down
6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist
7. Be with your pet or another animal
8. Take a nap
9. Play or fiddle with a fidget
10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)
11. Play a game
12. Bake or cook something you like to eat
13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)
14. Listen to music
15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)
Suicide Hotlines:
USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)
Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566
France: 0145394000
Italy: 800860022
UK: 0800 689 5652
Brazil: 188
India: 9999 666 555