Author's Note: TW: Swearing

Hi lovelies! SO sorry I was mia for a while! Life has sort of destroyed me lately :). I did relapse in my sh and I was suicidal for a hot sec there, but I'm alive.

I also want to reiterate that I do have a therapist I see weekly who is aware of all of this. I am also on meds and have both online friends and irl friends who are aware of all of this.

I know therapy and meds are a privilege that not everyone has access to, but I bring it up because YOU matter, and your mental health matters. While I use humor to cope, I also know that this is a serious topic and I want to make sure that I encourage healthy coping mechanisms and strategies. If you're struggling, please please reach out for help. You are not alone! I am so incredibly glad you exist! You are loved!

This is a shorter chapter, I hope you understand. Posting this for a lovely friend who needs it right now. Sending all my love!

Previous Chapter Summary: Harry has his first Ancient Studies, Defense, and Alchemy class. Harry talks to Ron and Hermione about the Horcruxes.

Chapter Summary: Harry talks to Remus about what happened with Ron and Hermione. Slughorn hosts a Slug Club Dinner. Harry has a run-in with Snape and copes in a unique way.

When Harry woke up the next morning, Sirius was gone, but Remus was waiting for him in the sitting room.

"Mornin'," Harry said groggily, rubbing his eyes.

"Hi, Cub," Remus said, smiling and standing up. "How're you feeling this morning?"

"I feel emotionally drained. I dunno why," Harry said.

"Do you remember what happened yesterday?" Remus asked gently.

"Yeah?" Harry asked, not sure what Remus was referring to.

"What you told Ron and Hermione," Remus reminded him.

"Oh, yeah. I told them about the Horcruxes. But why does that change how I feel now?"

"It took a lot out of you, Love. I gave you a calming draught and you slept over 12 hours."

"Oh, wow," Harry said, surprised. "I didn't realize it would take that much out of me," Harry admitted.

"It's a big thing to talk about. The three of you been through a lot together."

"Yeah, we have," Harry agreed, nodding. His eyes glazed over for a moment as he thought back, but after a few moments, Remus put his hand on Harry's shoulder and Harry came back into the present.

"Dadfoot is teaching class right now and breakfast just ended. Why don't I get you some breakfast, hm?" Remus asked.

"Sounds good," Harry said. "What time is it?"

"A touch after 9. You're all good. I didn't have a session this morning, anyway. Even if I did, I wanted to ensure you were okay."

"Just tired, but my mood is okay, Moony Da, truly."

"I'm glad to hear that," Remus said with a smile.

Harry sat down at their kitchen table and Remus quickly got breakfast for him from the House Elves. Harry ate most of it and talked to Remus about his classes before Remus stood up and said, "I have to head to my office for a session. Have a good day, okay, Cub?"

"I will, thanks Moony Da," Harry replied.

Remus kissed Harry on the top of his head. "I love you, Cub."

"Love you too," Harry replied.

Harry hung out in the Marauder Quarters until it was time for him to head to potions. Harry brought the textbook that he got from Remus and Sirius, but he also brought the mysterious textbook that he used last time. He wasn't quite ready to let it go.

Harry wasn't triggered after potions, but he wasn't exactly doing fantastic either.

Harry went down to the Quidditch pitch after dropping off his potion materials. He insisted that he was doing alright to his friends who reluctantly let him go.

Harry felt like he could finally breathe when he was up in the air, flying. He was away from everyone and everything and he could just focus on himself.

When Harry finally came down, he showered and hurried to dinner, as he wanted to make sure he caught the end of it.

Harry was able to make it in time, but just barely. He received concerned looks from his parents, but he ignored them and sat with his friends.

"Are you okay, Harry?" Hermione asked.

"I'm good. I was just flying. I think I need to hold Quidditch tryouts soon," Harry commented as he put a forkful of food in his mouth.

Ginny perked up at this. "Ooh, yes! When? Next week?"

"Mmm, probably the week after. I want to give myself time to plan it and I have to reserve the field. It'll be good to give the kids some time to practice, too," Harry said, knowing how nervous he felt before flying for Wood the first time.

"Okay, fair, but let me know when you do plan it," Ginny said.

"I promise," Harry said, giving her a reassuring smile.

Ginny nodded her approval and went back to her dinner plate.

Harry smiled to himself as he ate more of his dinner. He was proud of himself. He used a strategy to calm down and everything was actually going okay for him. That night he stopped by his parents' quarters to reassure them before heading back to Gryffindor Tower. As long as things stayed like this, he would be okay.

This is Harry Potter, so unexpected things normally come his way. He should almost expect the unexpected.

A couple of weeks later on a Tuesday morning, Harry received an invitation, as did Hermione. He opened it up and it was an invitation.

"Slug Club?" Harry said, disgusted.

"I've heard about this! Professor Slughorn invites some of his most promising students to dinner. He likes to make, ah, connections," Hermione explained.

Harry looked over his shoulder and saw Draco who looked up at him with an equally disgusted look.

Draco was not a big fan of the new potion professor, either.

Ron seemed annoyed he didn't get one until he saw that formal wear was required. He also didn't love Slughorn.

"Ha! You have to wear a suit! Good luck, mate," Ron laughed, patting Harry on the back as he took another bite of eggs.

Harry rolled his eyes. He did not want to go to this. He looked up at the head table and saw Dumbledore giving him a pointed look, silently letting him know he wanted to talk to him.

Course Dumbledore would know about this, Harry thought to himself. Harry gave the headmaster a nod and turned back to breakfast as he shoved the invitation into the pocket of his robes, trying to forget about it.

Harry hastily finished breakfast before mumbling an excuse and heading to Dumbledore's office. Harry made it there before Albus and paced back and forth before a scathing glare from Fawkes caused Harry to sigh.

"Sorry, Fawkes. I'm just trying to understand this," Harry explained to the bright red bird as he went over to pet her.

"I can try to help," Albus said as he entered his office.

"Professor, what is this Slug Club? And do I really have to go?" Harry asked.

"I do think that it is important for you to go, Harry," Albus informed him a bit regretfully.

"Why? We got the memory from him a long time ago. Why do I still need to be around him?" Harry asked, not caring if he sounded rude.

"He is your professor," Albus reminded him. "He also has friends in high places. He can help us in this war and I want him to get to know you better. Slughorn knows people on both sides of this war. He must see why we're fighting."
"Would he actually fight for Voldemort?" Harry asked.

"No, I don't think he would. He would, however, stay neutral and that is not something I want."

Harry clenched his hands into fists before releasing them. He couldn't show his anger, not now.

"Alright, I'll go. It says it is this Friday," Harry sighed.

"Try to enjoy yourself. He does have some delicious food," Albus said.

Harry gave Albus a small, tense smile before saying, "Anything else, Professor?"

Albus eyes Harry before shaking his head. "No, Harry. You may go," the headmaster said sadly.

Harry gave a tense nod. He made his way to Remus' office and basically threw the invitation at Remus.

Remus was sitting at his desk. He looked up when he saw the paper land on what he was reading and saw a very angry Harry Potter.

"Harry? What's going on?" Remus asked, getting up to shut the door.

"Look at it," Harry spat, gesturing to the paper he had thrown.

Remus picked up the invitation and rolled his eyes. "Oh, I remember these. Your mum used to be invited to them. Her last year she brought James and he told us all about it."

"Well, I don't want to go," Harry huffed, sitting down.

"You don't have to," Remus said gently.

"Yes, apparently I fucking have to!" Harry swore, standing up angrily again.

"Okay, Harry, I want to hear about what's going on. I also want to make sure you're safe. Can you take a few deep breaths for me?" Remus asked kindly.

Harry stayed clenched and stared at the corner of the office angrily for a few more minutes, seething. He eventually felt Remus' hand on his back rubbing soft circles. He slowly relaxed and took some deep breaths. Harry turned around and enveloped Remus in a hug, inhaling the scent of their fabric softener.

"I've got you. You're safe," Remus murmured as he lovingly rubbed Harry's back.

Harry eventually calmed down enough to release Remus and sit down.

"What happened?" Remus asked gently.

"I got the invitation at breakfast," Harry began to explain. "I saw Dumbledore looking at me so I went to his office after breakfast. He basically told me that I have to go because Slughorn could help us in the war."

"That is frustrating," Remus affirmed, trying to keep his anger to a minimum.

"I mean, I want to help, but I don't like spending time with him! He wants to know about what I have done and I don't like to talk about it. And no, Moony Da, I don't just want to talk to him about it. I'm angry and I'm going to do it all and play my part but I'm angry about it."

Remus wanted to talk to Harry about what he could do, but Harry was clear that he didn't want solutions. He wanted to vent and Remus was okay with that.

"I'm a person!" Harry shouted angrily. "I'm more than, than, whatever I'm doing! Or what I've done!

Remus nodded. "You're right."

"I want to help, but I hate that it's like this!"

Remus nodded. He was quiet as Harry continued to vent.

After about 5-10 minutes, Harry stopped talking. His body went limp on the couch and he looked exhausted.

"How do you feel now?" Remus asked.

"Better. I still don't want to go, but I've accepted it. And again, Moony Da," Harry said before Remus could say anything. "I know I don't have to go, but I also do. It's what needs to be done."

Remus paused but nodded. "I hear you."

"The dinner is this Friday. I wanted to come here after, but it's the full moon," Harry said, sighing.

"It is, you're right. Do you want Dadfoot to stay here? I'm sure he would be happy to be with you," Remus offered.

"Nah, it's okay. I will be okay. I just hate that I can't be with you both after.

Remus nodded. "I hear you. We will do anything we can to support you."

"For dinner tonight, can we have it in the Marauder Quarters? I want to talk to you and Dadfoot more about this."

"Of course, we can. I'll let Dadfoot know," Remus agreed.

"Thanks," Harry said, letting out another breath.

"How are you feeling?" Remus asked.

"Better," Harry admitted. "More calmed down."

"Your mother definitely had her moments just like this so I can say that I have had experience with it, even outside of you and all the therapy I've done."

Harry chuckled. He got up and hugged Remus. "Thanks, Moony Da."

"Of course, Cub. Are you good for the rest of your day?"

Harry nodded.

"I'll see you later then, yeah?"

Harry agreed and gave Remus one last quick hug before leaving his office.

Harry had Potions that day and was very thankful he was able to leave the class without any uncomfortable feelings. He did a nice job brewing his potion and the worn textbook by the Half-Blood Prince got him a better brew than even Hermione.

That night at dinner, Harry went over what happened at breakfast with Sirius.

"He always was a pompous arse, I can't blame you," Sirius said when he heard about Harry's reaction.
Remus opened his mouth to reprimand Sirius but stopped. I mean, he had a point.

"Friday's the full moon, which is a bummer that I can't be with you both after it."

"I can stay behind if you want," Sirius offered.

"Moony Da already offered that, but thanks, Dadfoot," Harry said gratefully. "I will tell you about it the next day. I'm sure it will be boring and annoying, but I can't imagine anything wild happening. I mean, it's Slughorn so it's bound to be stuffy.
Sirius snorted and covered his face at Remus' glare.

"What? We're his parents right now! Not his professors. We can say how we really feel right now," Sirius argued.

"True, true," Remus agrees, sighing.

"He's figured it out for himself, anyway. We didn't influence him, he came to the conclusion all on his own," Sirius argued further.

"You've made your point," Remus said, shaking his head.

"Anyway," Harry said, going back to the reason why they were talking in the first place. "I want you both to have a fun night. You deserve it. I'll talk to Auntie Marls if I need anything. I'm sure she's annoyed with him, too."

"Oh, you have no idea," Sirius chuckled before launching into a story.

It was Slughorn, it had to be boring and extra all at the same time, Harry thought.

Oh, how wrong would he be.

That Friday, Harry was in a relatively good mood when he had to go to the Slug Club party. He had a good practice with the new Gryffindor Quidditch Team and was feeling solid about their chances of winning the house cup.

A date wasn't required for this Slug Club, but Harry and Hermione still walked there together.

Harry had attended to enough stuffy Pureblood functions to know how to mingle and eat and helped Hermione along with the politics. He really thought he would be able to make it through unscathed until halfway through the main entree.

The door opened and everyone looked up.

None other than Severus Snape walked in.

"I apologize for my tardiness, Horace. There was a potion I had to attend to."

"No worries, my dear boy! You are in time for our delicious roast!"

Harry was frozen in his seat. It took all of two seconds for Harry to freeze up, not knowing how to respond.

Hermione eventually reached a handover and squeezed Harry's hand, helping bring him back to reality.

Harry eventually looked over and gave her a shaky, but grateful, smile.

"Tell us, Professor Snape; how is your sabbatical going? Any good research?" Slughorn asked.

"There are some promising leads in my research," Snape said slowly. A house elf placed a plate of food in front of him and he nodded his thanks.

"While I enjoy teaching again, I'm sure the students miss you in the classroom," Slughorn said. The professor looked at Harry. "Don't you, Mr. Potter."

Harry was silent for a moment before a small, forced smile appeared on his face. "Uh, yes," he managed to say.

Snape looked down and took a sip of his drink.

Harry felt his anger rise. He too, looked down and took some silent deep breaths, forcing himself to calm down so he wouldn't explode.

The rest of the night was a blur to Harry. Every voice sounded like buzzing. He knew to respond when Hermione would squeeze his hand and restate the question to help prompt him.

Harry thought he could hurry out after dessert, desperately needing to get away from Snape, but Slughorn had one last request.

"Ah! Before everyone leaves, we need a picture!"

The students, being awkward adolescents stood there before Slughorn tutted.

"No, no! Like this!" Slughorn said as he moved their bodies into a "better" position for the picture.

Harry found himself moved next to Snape. He took a step away from Snape, but Slughorn went to Harry's other side and pushed him in closer.

"Now put your arms around each other and smile!" Slughorn said. He put his hand around Harry, much to the teenager's dismay. And much to Harry's pure disgust, Snape did as well.

Harry never saw the picture, but he knew that it would be a terrible photo of him trying not to turn and punch Snape in the face and kick him in the… never mind.

It all happened so quickly when Snape put his hand around Harry, but Harry stepped away like he'd been burned. Luckily, the picture was already taken when Harry did that.

Slughorn didn't seem to notice but he did turn to Harry and said, "I'm so glad you could come, my boy."

Harry tried to hold back a flinch at the 'my boy' but wasn't quite able to. "You are welcome to stay and mingle for a while longer."

Harry managed a weak smile. "No thanks, Professor. I'm feeling rather tired. Thank you for inviting me. I'll see you next week?"

"Of course, I understand! Have a nice evening!" Slughorn said, patting Harry on the head.

Harry politely nodded his thanks and tried to hurry away as fast as he could.

He felt bad that he left Hermione there, but he knew she would understand. Harry walked out with several people. He turned a corner and then leaned against it, breathing heavily.

He wished more than anything he could see his parents. He wanted to punch the punching bag while Sirius held it. He wanted to scream about what happened tonight. He wanted to get so mad and have Remus make him hot chocolate and calm him down.

Harry kept looking down, panting from how worked up he was when a hand on his shoulder startled him.

Harry looked up and jumped, before his face turned into a scowl.

"I have nothing to say to you," Harry whispered before turning away.
"Harry, look, I know you're angry but I need one minute to explain!" Snape said. He hated how he sounded but he would do this if it kept Harry from making an unsafe choice.

"One minute," Harry said through gritted teeth.

"I didn't know you would be there. I would never have come if I knew you were going to be there," Snape said.

"It doesn't matter! You violated my trust and then you have the audacity to put your arm around me?!" Harry screamed, not holding back. "You HURT me! I trusted you! I TRUSTED YOU!" Harry didn't even realize how loud he was screaming, but he knew his voice was already becoming hoarse. "I've even been working on forgiving you and then you do this!"

"You can't hide from me forever," Snape said, becoming defensive.

"Maybe not, but I can for now! I wasn't ready tonight. I'm not ready now. You talked about your research and I know that you're not just taking a sabbatical for the fun of it. You're doing it for a reason and that reason is me. I saw you take a sip of your drink tonight. I can't trust you right now," Harry said.

"It was to be polite, Harry. I've been sober for weeks," Snape tried to explain

"Save it. Leave me alone," Harry hissed before turning and running away.

Snape was left standing in the corridor as Harry sprinted far from his professor.

Harry was upset before, but he was beyond overwhelmed and livid.

Harry remembered reading something about how when in an animagus form, one's emotions become a bit more muted and less overwhelming.

Harry turned into a stag and felt his emotions turn to a buzz instead of a roar. His mind became fuzzier, but if that was due to the animagus or the panic attack, he wasn't sure.

Harry ran around out of the corridors and past the Hogwarts gates onto the grounds.

Stag Harry ran and ran, trying to get some of his anger out, when all of a sudden, there was a bark.

Harry froze and turned his stag head to see a shaggy black dog looking up at him with a cocked head.

Padfoot knew there was something familiar about this stag, but he couldn't quite put his paw on it. It reminded him of Prongs, but the dog knew that he wouldn't see Prongs again for a long time.

Harry the Stag was still again before deciding to play along. He walked up to Padfoot and pressed his antlers gently toward the dog, encouraging it to play.

The dog barked and panted at this familiar gesture.

For a few minutes, the stag and dog played together before a werewolf trotted over. He, too, seemed to find the stag familiar, but luckily, the werewolf couldn't speak.

Harry happily played with the both of them before shaking his antlers and galloping away, leaving a confused and nostalgic pair of parents behind.

Harry felt a bit better after this, but he didn't feel great. He made his way to the Marauder Quarters. He put on an old, oversized t-shirt that belonged to Sirius and pulled one of Remus' cardigans near him as he got into their bed.

He may not be able to talk to them, but by Merlin, he was going to be with them in any way.

When tough times come, it's important to hold onto the people that matter.

Sirius and Remus are Harry's people and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Alternatives to Harming Yourself:

1. Talk to someone you care about and/or trust

2. Exercise

3. Get outside and get some fresh air

4. Have a warm beverage

5. Write something down

6. Go to therapy/ contact your therapist

7. Be with your pet or another animal

8. Take a nap

9. Play or fiddle with a fidget

10. Do something artistic (draw, paint, use clay, play-doh, fingerpaint, etc)

11. Play a game

12. Bake or cook something you like to eat

13. Mindfulness, breathing exercises, meditation (variety of strategies including naming something of each color of the rainbow, 5, 4, 3, 2,1 with your senses, box breathing, rainbow breathing, 5 finger breathing, etc)

14. Listen to music

15. Ice cubes (hold them, put them where you want to harm yourself)

16. Puzzles (jigsaw, Sudoku)

17. Have something spicy or sour (like the redhot candy, or warheads)

Suicide Hotlines:

USA: 988 (press 1 for veterans)

Canada: 1 (833) 456 4566

France: 0145394000

Italy: 800860022

UK: 0800 689 5652 OR 116 123

Brazil: 188

India: 9999 666 555

Mexico: 5255102550

Romania: 0800 801 200