Thanks to everyone for reading and for the comments on the last chapter! I told you guys to give it time and Josh would go away, lol. I'm so glad you are all enjoying this so far!

This chapter is based around the episode "One Life To Lose," which aired on March 21, so for timeline purposes, we'll say it's been about 3 weeks since the events of the last chapter and Beckett ended things with Josh. This chapter picks up at the end of that episode, where Castle gives her the photo and goes from there.

Just a reminder, the story follows along with the course of the show…the only different aspects are the added or reworked scenes that I write.

I still don't own Castle.

xxxxx

Beckett had never been so happy to have an interesting case in her life as she'd been when she got this one. A murder on a soap opera. It was right up Castle's alley. She couldn't help but feel like he was pulling away from her. She'd wanted to tell him that she had ended things with Josh, but she hadn't had the chance yet. She'd barely seen or heard from him since the dirty bomb case. He'd stopped by the precinct a few times, but when he'd realized it was a paperwork day, he hadn't stayed around long. Then there had been last week when she was prepping a case for court with an ADA, so she hadn't really been available. And telling him about Josh wasn't something she wanted to do via text message.

But during this case, he'd seemed like his old self. They'd seemed like them again. They had bantered, built theory…it didn't feel like he was pulling away from her at all, and so Kate thought maybe she'd just been imagining things. He had even agreed to join the boys and her at The Old Haunt for drinks after she finished up the paperwork on the case.

She looked up from her paperwork when she felt his eyes on her and found him standing in front of her desk with a manila envelope. "What?"

"I got you a present," he offered her the envelope with a smile as he sat in the chair next to her desk.

She took the envelope and couldn't hide the small smile as she opened it and pulled out a signed cast photo from Temptation Lane. "How did you even get this?" she asked.

"I know people who know people," he shrugged.

After studying him for a moment, Beckett shook her head, the look on her face saying she had given into his antics to tell her why she was a fan of the show. She watched as he leaned on her desk and cupped his chin in his hand, giving her his full attention. "Okay. I was 9 and I had to get my tonsils taken out and I was miserable. And so, my mom took time off of work and stayed with me and cuddled up in front of the TV on the couch and we would watch episodes of Temptation Lane. So, every time I see it now, it just…it makes me feel like home and safe. So, there you go. Judge away."

Castle listened patiently and offered her a smile. "My DVR would make yours look like Masterpiece Theater. But I am glad to know this about you."

She offered him a smile, her eyes meeting his for what felt like the first time in weeks. "Castle, thank you for the photo."

"You're welcome."

She tugged her lower lip between her teeth for a moment before deciding to continue. "I was wondering if you wanted to grab dinner after drinks at The Old Haunt?" she asked softly.

He inhaled deeply and put a smile on his face for her benefit. "Actually, I think I'm just going to make it an early night," he declined her offer. He would love to have dinner with her…but he'd asked her to pick him only to watch her ride off into the sunset to Motorcycle Boy. It had been 3 weeks; she hadn't said anything to him about it, so he assumed she really had chosen to stay with Josh. Continuing to work with her as friends was one thing, but he couldn't put himself through the torture of seeing her outside the precinct.

The feeling that he was pulling away from her suddenly returned with a vengeance. "Some other time, then," she said quietly, doing her best not to let her disappointment show.

"Yeah, maybe," he continued to force his smile.

"I'll see you with the boys at The Old Haunt. I just have about ten minutes of paperwork left, and I'll be right behind you," it was her turn to force a smile now.

"Sure," he nodded, heading for the elevator.

The fake smile on her lips faded as he disappeared into the elevator. It wasn't even half an hour later when she entered The Old Haunt and frowned when she saw the boys, but no Castle. "Hey, this Castle's seat?" she gestured to the empty barstool next to Espo.

"Nah, he actually just left," Espo shook his head.

"Yeah, he said something about making it an early night. But, drinks are on him tonight," Ryan grinned, taking a drink of his beer.

She forced a smile as she took his abandoned bar stool and ordered herself a shot of Vodka along with a Vodka martini, downing the straight shot quickly while she waited for her other drink. Tonight beer just wasn't going to cut it.

xxxxx

"Alright, Kate, spill. I was gonna give you until after your first glass to open up about whatever is going on, but you're just staring into it like it's got the answer to the secret of life," Lanie said to her friend a couple of evenings later as she sat across from Kate at her kitchen counter, a bottle of red wine between them.

Kate looked up and took a big drink of her wine. "I think I messed up."

"With Josh?" Lanie asked, her voice softening. She knew Kate had ended things with the doctor a couple of weeks ago, but she had sworn she was fine. Maybe it was finally hitting her.

"With Castle," Kate shook her head.

"So tonight isn't about Josh…the boyfriend of over 6 months that you recently broke up with; it's about Writer Boy?" Seeing Kate nod, Lanie took another drink of her wine murmuring, "I don't know if I brought enough wine for that..." Seeing her friend's look, Lanie put her glass back on the counter. "So you're not upset about Josh?"

She rolled her eyes. "I'm upset that I hurt him, sure. But I'm not upset that I ended things. It wasn't fair to him anymore, Lanie. We weren't going anywhere...at least not where we should have been considering how long we were together. His heart was in his work…asking him to stay here wasn't fair, not when…"

"Not when you realized you have feelings for Castle," Lanie finished for her.

Kate gave her friend a knowing look before draining her wine glass and then putting her face in her hands for a moment. "Castle kissed me…I kissed him…we mutually kissed…" she tried to explain, rubbing her face and propping her forearms on the counter.

"What? When?" Lanie was shocked by this news.

"Which time?"

Lanie's eyes just about popped out of her head. "Which time?! Girl, how many times have you and Writer Boy locked lips?"

Groaning, Kate held up 3 fingers as she pinched the bridge of her nose. "He told me he's in love with me."

"Why am I just now hearing about this? You need to give me details."

"Which time?" Kate asked again.

"Which…girl, if you don't stop saying 'Which time?' and just start giving me all the details, I'ma smack you," Lanie warned her. Clearly something had been going on for awhile, and Kate hadn't bothered to keep her best friend in the loop.

She sighed and poured them both some more wine, finishing off the bottle. "You remember the Lockwood case, when Ryan and Espo were taken?"

"Kate, that was two months ago…" Lanie realized. "Why didn't you talk to me?"

"I guess I thought I had everything under control."

"Honey…I know you're this badass detective, and you've got this whole Miss Independent thing going for you. But certain situations call for a girl's night with your best friend. Keeping all this bottled up inside is why you're going to end up with an ulcer," she told her friend sympathetically. "Now start at the beginning, and don't leave out any details."

That was exactly what Kate did. She started with the kiss during the Lockwood case that was supposed to be a ruse to fool the security guard, how later that night Castle had confessed he loved her and kissed her; continued with the undercover date at the nightclub and how Castle had wanted to start a scholarship to honor her mother's memory; how she and Castle had spent Valentine's Day together when he needed cheering up and Josh was stuck at the hospital, and how she had kissed him that night; how Castle had once again told her he loved her and asked her to pick him over Josh during the dirty bomb case; finished with Castle's behavior from just a couple of days ago when he'd turned down her dinner invitation where she had been planning to tell him she'd ended things with Josh and how he'd left The Old Haunt early, probably to avoid spending anymore time with her.

"Damn, Kate. Can you really blame him though? The man actually said the words, 'Pick me, choose me, love me,' and then watched you walk away with the tall, dark, and handsome doctor you'd been dating for half a year! No wonder he didn't want to go to dinner with you. He thinks you chose Josh over him! Castle is a lot of things, but he isn't a masochist."

"But I didn't!" Kate insisted.

"But he doesn't know that. You never told him."

"That's why I invited him to dinner a couple of days ago…so that I could tell him," she explained.

"Why didn't you tell him right after you ended it with Josh?" Lanie pointed out.

"Because…" Kate trailed off with a shrug.

"Because why?"

She was quiet for a few moments. "Because I wasn't ready to just jump into a relationship with Castle."

"And you're ready now?" Lanie arched an eyebrow.

Taking a deep breath, Kate sighed. "I…don't know."

Lanie gave her friend a sympathetic smile. "Honey…you have to talk to him. Even if you're not ready to be in a relationship with him yet, you need to put the poor guy out of his misery. You have to at least tell him you ended things with Josh. You owe him that," she told her softly.

"How am I supposed to do that, Lanie? It's not like I can just reveal that bit of news while we're standing over a dead body at a crime scene like it's no big deal."

"You have his phone number. Text him. Call him. Hell, show up at his front door. It doesn't matter how you do it, but you need to tell that man if you want any chance at a relationship with him in the future. Or do I need to remind you what happened last May when you didn't speak up soon enough and he moved on with his ex-wife?" Lanie asked pointedly.

"No…no." Kate drained the rest of the wine in her glass as Lanie brought up the catastrophe that was her attempt at maybe starting something with Castle months ago. That was the linchpin event that started this whole disaster of a mess she was in right now.

"You know…the way you felt watching him walk away with his leggy, blonde ex-wife is exactly the way he felt watching you get on that elevator with Josh," Lanie pointed out.

"If he hadn't walked away with his leggy, blonde ex-wife, Josh wouldn't have been in the picture," Kate countered as she buried her face in her hands. But Lanie was right; she knew it. She knew how heartbroken Castle was because that's how heartbroken she had been for the entire summer. And Josh had been her rebound…a rebound that had gotten a little out of hand, but a rebound, nonetheless.

Lanie chuckled at her friend's snarkiness; that had to be the wine talking, and although her friend was nowhere near drunk, the wine had obviously dulled her filter. "Maybe, but that's no reason to let Castle be as miserable as you were. Not if you really care about him."

"You're right," Kate sighed. "I have to tell him. But…not tonight."

"Why not tonight? No time like the present," Lanie shook her head with a smile.

"Because I've had too much wine to trust my judgment around him tonight. Because the last time I was around him after only half this much wine, I would have ended up in his bed if Alexis hadn't come home when she did."

Oh yeah, Kate's filter was definitely dulled. No way would she have admitted that piece of information without the wine. "I don't think that was the wine," Lanie smirked. Seeing her friend's look, she laughed. "Kate, come on. You are head over heels for the guy…you have been attracted to him since you started working together."

"I have not! I hated him in the beginning," she insisted.

"I didn't say you liked him, I said you were attracted to him. I'm still surprised you didn't jump that man within the first couple of months with the way you two went at it sometimes," she shook her head.

"Lanie…"

"My point is, you two have always had chemistry. Now you have feelings for each other. I don't think the wine is what is going to push you into his bed," she smirked. "And so what if you sleep together? Pretty sure the sex would be phenomenal. And it's not like you both couldn't use the release."

Kate's head dropped to where her arms were resting on the table. "Lanie…you are not helping!"

"Girl, I'm just giving you the facts as they are. Fact 1– you need to talk to Writer Boy. What you do to him or with him after that is up to you. Fact 2– having sex with the man wouldn't be the end of the world. You're both miserable right now; sex would go a long way to improve that for both of you."

"Or make it worse," she countered. "It would change everything between us. If we're not on the same page…"

"Kate. The man told you he loves you…twice. He asked you to pick him over another guy. Those are not the actions of a man who has any intention of walking away from you if you give him the option to be with you. And from what you've said, you don't have any intention of walking away from him. So what are you scared of?"

"What if it doesn't work? What if I lose him?"

"What if it works out? You could be happy…really happy, Kate. Don't you want that?"

"Sure, we could be happy for a while. But for how long? He's a best-selling author…a freaking millionaire. He can do anything he wants, be with anyone he wants. I'm not an actress or a model…I'm just a regular cop with a lot of emotional baggage. Eventually, he'll realize he's bored, or he'll get tired of dealing with someone who is closed off and broken, or I'll do something to push him away, and I'll lose him. And that will destroy me."

"Kate…" Lanie started softly, reaching for her friend's hand. "If you don't even try, you'll eventually lose him anyway. Because at some point, one or both of you will move on, and it will hurt too much to see the other with someone else. You'll repeat this same process until one of you can't take it anymore and walks away," she countered. "Look, I'm not telling you it will work out between the two of you. No one can. Love doesn't come with a guarantee. But I've seen the way he looks at you. The man created a character, an entire book series based on you…it's obvious to anyone who has read Nikki Heat that he's crazy about you. Just…think about it, ok?" she offered a smile. "You owe it to yourself to be happy. And he could make you happy."

Kate rubbed her hands over her face, digesting her friend's words. She finally sighed. "I'm obviously going to tell him about Josh. But I don't know that I'm ready to risk my heart. I don't know that I'm strong enough to."

xxxxx

I know…what a way to end the chapter, right? I hope you guys enjoyed this one, and I look forward to any comments you all may have on it!