Authors Note- I wanted to give you guys a bonus chapter today since we got to 100 followers on this story. I'm enjoying writing this so much and I love all of your comments. Thanks for reading.
Chapter 22
Making it work
Harry woke up screaming and covered in sweat. He jumped out of bed ready for a fight. When he realized he was in a dark and empty room he felt his breathing slowing. He sat down on the floor and leaned against the bed. He pulled his knees to his chest and silently cried.
His nightmare had been terrifying. He rocked himself gently and ran his nails up and down his arms. He felt like a freak. He just wanted this to end. He felt his heart pounding and his breath catching in his lungs. He sniffled softly and wiped angerly at his face.
Closing his eyes, he took deep breaths. He worked to rebuild the wall in his mind. He couldn't do this anymore. He didn't want to think about anything. He didn't want to feel any of this.
Brick by brick he pulled the wall back in place. He hid away his hurt and his anger. He adjusted his original wall. He needed to remember his place. He was worthless. He needed to remember everything he had learned and try and block away everything he had hoped for while he'd been living at the Sundown. He felt his heart break a little more.
What he wanted more than anything was to be where he was wanted. He wanted to be with Sirius. He wanted to be loved and cared for. But Sirius didn't love him. He didn't want him. Harry had messed up too much. He'd been shipped off with Snape because no one wanted him. Snape knew how to keep him in his place. He knew Harry was worthless.
If he couldn't be with Sirius, then he just wanted to go back a day and never go to London. He would go back to being coddled by Jane over breakfast every morning. Go back to joking with Jack on their smoke break. Go back to drinking tea and talking about books with Mary. He wanted to just go back one day. He'd messed up so badly this time.
A sob broke from his lips and Harry's hands came up and covered his mouth as fearful eyes watched the partially open bedroom door. Harry waved one hand and covered himself in a silencing charm. He knew his previous one had broken. Harry let out sob after sob as his body shook. He kept focusing on the wall.
When it was up Harry felt hollow but wrapped in self-preservation. His meek temperament had kept him alive at the Dursleys. He hoped it would serve him here. He couldn't allow hope in. He couldn't allow himself to wish things were different or better. This is where he was now. He wouldn't be able to fix it.
He wished he'd just stayed on the floor and let his uncle kick him to death. Surely it would have been less painful then this ache in the middle of his chest.
Harry stayed on the floor and stared blankly at the wall as an orange glow slowly filtered in from the window.
When Harry heard stirring from across the hall he stood and moved to his trunk. He dressed quickly. Then slipped down the hall and relieved his screaming bladder. He'd considered going when he'd woken up but feared Snape catching him out of bed in the middle of the night.
When he looked presentable, he exited and made his way to the kitchen to start breakfast for Snape. He wouldn't assume the man intended to feed him. He'd been invited to join Snape yesterday. He'd been a little presumptuous setting two places, but it had worked out.
Harry filled a glass with water and chugged it down. He had a throbbing headache from the crying. When he finished his water, he washed and dried the glass and put it back in the cupboard. Harry looked in the fridge and found makings for a simple breakfast. He could hear Snape making his way around upstairs and guessed he didn't have long before the man came down.
Harry saw the coffee pot and guessed the man would want coffee. His uncle was a coffee drinker too. Harry avoided his uncle before his coffee at all costs. Working quickly, he started coffee and began frying a couple rashers of bacon and two eggs once there was enough grease in the pan. He toasted two slices of his bread from yesterday and quickly plated the food. He placed the cup of coffee in front of it.
Harry was startled by a clicking at the kitchen window. When he looked up, he saw an owl carrying the paper. Harry reached up and pushed the window open with some effort. He reached out for the owl, and it landed on his arm. Harry looked around and remembered seeing a cup of sickles. Harry found the cup tucked under the ancient, wall-mounted phone. He took the paper from the owl and dropped the two sickles in the pouch on the owl's leg.
The owl flew quickly from Harry's arm back out the window.
Harry placed the paper next to the coffee cup. He hadn't seen a dish of sugar or cream anywhere, so he assumed Snape took his coffee black. If he didn't, he was sure he'd find out. He also had guessed at the eggs.
With a sigh Harry kept his calm. Never show fear, never give away your weaknesses, don't show them your pain. Harry's mind repeated his childhood mantra as he began washing the pan he'd used to cook.
Harry felt his shoulders tense when he heard the click of Snapes boots in the hall. Stay quiet and pretend you don't exist. Harry reminded himself.
Harry listened but didn't dare turn as he heard the chair at the table scrape and the paper being opened. A moment later Harry heard the coffee cup set back on the table then the click of the fork on the plate.
Harry released the breath he'd been holding. There wasn't any yelling. That was a good sign. Harry was thankful that he could recognize most household sounds easily. He'd learned incredibly young to know all the sounds. Sometimes actions were louder than the words spoken. Steps coming down the stairs fast or slow. The fork poking at the food or being slammed into the plate. All the sounds meant something.
Harry dried the pan and returned it to the cupboard. He wiped down the stove and the water near the sink. When he couldn't find anything else that needed to be done, he turned and stood in front of the sink. He had his hands clasped and his head down. His aunt had him stand in this position for hours when he was little. He had needed to learn his place. He would stay here until Snape told him what he'd like done next.
Severus groaned as he rolled on his side and allowed his eyes to open. His body felt a little stiff as he stretched.
A moment later he heard the bathroom door close down the hall. Severus groaned again and he rubbed his face as he rolled on his back. The Potter Brat! Severus thought. He'd almost forgotten the boy was in his house. Almost.
Severus listened as he heard the toilet flush and the sink run. When he heard the door open again and soft steps down the hall and then the stairs Severus sat up. He'd hoped for a little time before the boy got up. He wasn't ready to deal with him this early in the morning. Although he did appreciate how softly the boy walked. Most teenagers had a habit of running or stomping everywhere. The boy almost moved silently. Severus thought if the floorboards of the old house didn't all creak, he probably wouldn't have heard him.
Severus had been woken earlier by a sound. He'd thought the boy was up to something, but it had only been a single noise. Probably the old pipes groaning. He'd gone back to sleep after he had listened for a while.
Severus got up and got dressed before making his own way to the loo.
As Severus walked down the stairs he was hit with the smell of bacon and coffee. Well at least the boy was on top of feeding himself. Not that Severus was surprised. Working in a school filled with teens, he had learned that boys were very food motivated.
Severus stepped into the kitchen and noticed his place had a plate set at it. He didn't think the boy had already had time to eat but he'd seen the Weasley boy wolf down an entire plate in minutes. Potter was standing at the sink scrubbing a pan. He noticed his posture was a little strange, but his brain couldn't focus on that he needed his morning coffee.
He pulled out his chair and made himself comfortable with his paper. He took a sip of coffee before digging into his breakfast. It was a little heavy for his preference, but it was serviceable. The eggs were a little undercooked for his taste, but he could eat them.
Severus watched the boy's strange behavior out of the corner of his eye. He flitted around with a washcloth in his hand. He scrubbed at the stove and counter as if he was trying to wear holes through them. He'd noticed potter doing this when cleaning up after potions class. It had driven him crazy then too. As if he didn't cast cleaning charms on the workspaces between classes. Any good potions teacher would. All he needed was accidental cross contamination in his classroom.
Severus focused back on his paper. The boy's face was plastered on the front page again.
Severus rolled his eyes at the hero worship of the boy. He flipped the paper open and read the other articles. He frequently skipped anything about Potter. If he needed to know something pertaining to the brat, Albus usually let him know.
Severus glanced up again and saw that the boy had assumed his strange pose from the night before. Standing in front of the sink. He sipped his coffee. He couldn't figure Potter out this early in the morning. When he finished his food, he was slightly startled when the boy appeared without sound at his side and refilled his cup and took his plate.
Severus frowned at that. What was Potter playing at? Hoping good behavior would get him a lighter sentence? Severus laughed at that internally. The boy would make up for everyday Severus had spent with the wolf looking for him.
Severus stood and walked to the counter where his note pad was. What to have the boy do today? He should probably have him clean up the guest room. It wasn't really fit to inhabit. Fresh sheets and some dusting would probably help. The upstairs bathroom could use a cleaning too. It would need more frequent cleaning if they were to be sharing it. Severus scratched out the words on the paper. He figured Potter could clean the hall as well if he was to be up there cleaning.
Severus had several potions to brew for the Hospital wing today. He'd gotten a good start at the beginning of the summer, but with his week of walking the streets with Lupin he'd lost out on valuable brewing time.
"Here, Potter." Severus said holding out the list to the boy.
Potter took the list but did not look up. He studied the list like it was complicated. It was three items. Hardly a complex potions recipe.
"I'll be brewing again today. The rules are the same. No magic. Don't leave the property. Do not disturb me unless it's an emergency. Am I clear?" Severus growled.
Potter nodded.
"Yes, sir." Potter said raising his eyes to meet his own.
Severus was a little taken aback. Potter looked dreadful. His eyes were bloodshot, and he had dark bags under them as if he hadn't slept at all. His face was pale and the scratches on it looked a little irritated like he'd been rubbing at it.
Severus shook his head a little. It was none of his concern if the boy had stayed up too late.
Severus went to step past the boy when he spoke.
"Excuse me, sir?" The boy spoke so softly that his voice would have been washed away if there had been any other noise in the room.
Severus turned to the boy and raised a questioning eyebrow.
"Do you have a washer? I have a bit of laundry to do. If that would be alright." Potter muttered.
"Speak up Potter. My hearing is good, but I'd rather not strain myself to decipher your mumbling." Severus sneered.
"Sorry, Sir." Potter responded a little louder. His voice was a little scratchy but mostly very flat and monotone.
"Yes, Potter, I have a washer. I suppose I'll need to teach you to use it. I doubt it's a skill that pampered prince Potter ever had to learn." Severus spat as he stomped out of the kitchen.
The boy followed.
The main floor of the house consisted of a sitting room, a large office, the kitchen, and a long hall that ran next to the stairs. There was a supply cupboard under the stairs, a small laundry room and a bathroom. Severus considered warning the boy against using the bathroom, but decided he didn't really care.
Severus threw the supply cupboard open and dug out a laundry hamper. He turned around to hand it to the boy. Potter had stopped several feet away and his eyes looked blown wide.
Severus didn't know what had happened while he was on the run, but the boy would need to get over it. It was making Severus uncomfortable. The boy was acting so strangely. Where was the bull-headed Gryffindor? Where was the arrogant selfish clone of James Potter? This boy moved like a wraith. Did as he was told and hadn't argued once since he'd arrived in the headmaster's office.
Severus shoved the basket at the boy, and he took it. He walked down the hall and into the laundry room.
Severus had bought a new washer and Dryer a couple of years ago. He hadn't trusted the ancient monsters that had been here before not to shred his clothing.
"Alright potter it's pretty simple." Severus started.
"I know how to use them, sir." Harry whispered.
Severus doubted that. He also didn't appreciate the boy interrupting him. He scowled at the boy, who then took a step back.
"Now…." Severus started again and explained the process. The boy had paid attention, sort of.
Severus made his way downstairs and set himself to the task of brewing Pepper-up potion. It was always in high demand early in the school year. The brats always returned to school with the sniffles and then gave them to all their classmates.
Harry's heart felt like it stopped when he saw Snape throw open the door to the cupboard under the stairs. He thought he'd been doing okay with his tasks. Snape hadn't said anything about breakfast, but he had eaten it. His legs had locked up and he had felt a swell of panic enter his system. He didn't want to be locked away again.
When Snape had produced the laundry hamper Harry hadn't even realized it was in his hands until Snape had snapped the door shut and continued down the hall. He had hurried after the man when he felt like his legs were no longer likely to give out on him.
He had tried to tell Snape that he knew how the washer and dryer worked, but the withering glare he had received had stopped him from continuing. Snape thought he was stupid. So did his aunt and uncle. He probably was. It was foolish of him to think otherwise. If he wasn't stupid, he wouldn't be in this situation. He was smart enough though not to try and tell Snape again. Best to just stay silent.
He listened to Snapes instructions and found no difference to what he was used to. Snape had then stormed off and slammed the door to the basement. Once Harry felt like his mind was working, he collected the cleaning supplies from the kitchen and made his way upstairs. He stripped the bed and started the laundry. Then he started in the bathroom since it was a shared space. He scrubbed every inch and made sure he didn't miss anything. Harry had hesitated when he got to the medicine cabinet over the sink. Did Snape want this cleaned? Or would that be considered snooping?
Harry decided he just wouldn't pay any attention to whatever Snape kept in there and just make sure the shelves were clean.
He turned over the sheets and then moved on to the hall. He brought up the step stool he'd used in the kitchen and dusted the ceiling. He washed the walls and the window at the end of the hall. He swept and then scrubbed the floor. When it was all done, he moved back to the guest room.
The room contained almost nothing other than empty furniture. He repeated the process of dusting, scrubbing, sweeping, and window cleaning. He remade the bed and made sure that everything was tucked into his trunk. He even managed to shove the box for Sirius into his trunk.
When the upstairs was clean it was only noon. He wondered if he should make Snape lunch. Or should he find another task to work on. Harry twisted his hands in his shirt and then heard Snape slam the door downstairs. He didn't want Snape to come looking for him, so he collected the cleaning supplies and step stool and returned to the kitchen.
Snape was staring into the fridge and grumbling. Harry quietly put his supplies away. He felt his heart clench as he addressed Snape. He hoped he was making the right choice.
"Sir, would you like me to make you lunch?" Harry said softly but loud enough for Snape to hear.
Snape jumped and hit his head on the edge of the fridge.
Harry gulped he hadn't meant to startle the man. His hands twisted with each other as the man stood and turned black eyes on him.
"What are you doing Potter?" Snape snapped.
Harry raised his eyes to meet Snapes and cleared his throat before he spoke. Snape didn't like muttering, so he hoped his voice was clear.
"I was wondering if you wanted me to make you lunch sir." Harry asked as clearly as he could. Although he thought his voice was a little shaky.
Snape sneered at him.
"I gave you your tasks for the day, Boy. I imagine you've not finished them yet." Snape growled.
Harry gulped. He hated being called Boy. It was one of two names he wished he'd never hear again. He didn't even care if Snape called him Potter in the way that he did. It always sounded like a curse. But he would take that or even dunderhead over Boy. It wasn't as bad as Freak but he still hated it.
He felt himself shake a little. He hadn't meant to anger Snape. He was just trying to be helpful.
"I've completed my tasks, sir." Harry said a little quieter.
Snape raised an eyebrow and stormed out of the kitchen. Harry didn't know if he was meant to follow or if he should stay. He could hear Snape stomping up the stairs and walking in the hall. Harry hoped Snapes boots were clean. He would hate to have to scrub the floors again.
He stayed rooted to the spot. It was better not to go. Snape would tell him where he messed up.
Harry ran his hands up and down his arms to sooth himself. He couldn't wait to leave this place. It was like the Dursleys but in some ways worse. Harry didn't know what to expect if he messed up and somehow the not knowing was worse.
Snape came back in with a strange look on his face. He just stared at Harry for a few minutes and then he stalked closer. Harry braced himself. He would not run, He would not flinch, He would not be defiant. It only made the punishment worse.
"Where is your wand, Boy?!" Snape yelled a few inches from Harry's face. Harry felt spittle hit his face and wanted to gag.
"It…It's in my trunk sir." Harry stuttered out.
"Do. Not. Lie. To. Me!" Snape hissed.
Harry swallowed hard. His throat felt like it was completely dry. He didn't know what to say. His wand was in his trunk. He'd put it in there last night. However, arguing had never helped.
"Where?!" Snape yelled.
"My…My trunk sir." Harry repeated.
Snape reached out and Harry hated himself when he flinched away. Snape didn't seem to even notice as his hand gripped his arm. His fingers curled around his left arm and it took all of Harry's strength not to cry out. The hand was pushing hard on the road rash. Yesterday Snape had hold of his right arm and although it had left a bruise it wasn't over existing wounds.
"Come with me now." Snape hissed as he dragged Harry back upstairs.
Snape gave Harry a shove when they reached the guestroom. Harry stumbled and fell to the floor. He quickly pulled himself up and turned to Snape.
"Produce your wand now, Potter." Snape growled.
Harry hurried to his trunk and opened it with shaking hands. They had been shaking all day from the work but now terror was adding to the shaking. Harry fumbled with the latch and then pulled his wand out.
Snape ripped it from his hands.
"You will spend the rest of the day scrubbing cauldrons in the lab for your lies and use of magic." Snape yelled.
Harry wanted to protest but feared further punishment. His head dropped and he nodded.
"Yes sir." Harry whispered.
"Go make lunch. Then you will be joining me in the lab." Snape said waving his hand in the direction of the door.
Harry flinched at the exaggerated movement and scurried out the door. He made his way to the kitchen and quickly made lunch.
Severus sat in the sitting room with a glass of firewhiskey, thinking about his day. He had no idea what he was doing. The boy was confusing the hell out of him. It was like the child he knew at school didn't even exist. He hated to admit it but maybe Black was right, maybe something was wrong with the boy.
He lifted his glass to his lips and took a small sip. He'd had the boy in the lab for hours. He'd intended to just have him scrub cauldrons until dinner. However, Potter had completed that task in under an hour. At that point Severus considered that his additional punishment for the magic use may have been wrong. He wouldn't concede though. So, he'd set him to other cleaning tasks where he could keep an eye on him. Potter had meticulously cleaned the entire lab.
Severus sighed and leaned his head back on the chair. It was like having a house elf cleaning in his lab. The longer the boy was there, the less mess but also, he noticed the boy never made a sound. He'd forgotten he was there more than once.
Severus tapped his cup with his finger. He'd yelled at the boy to get out of his lab an hour ago. When he'd followed him up a half hour later there had been a plate of dinner and the boy had disappeared again. He assumed that he had gone to bed. Severus was thankful for that. He couldn't explain how uncomfortable the boy was making him. He wasn't used to having someone in his house. He wasn't used to sharing meals or any other part of his life.
Hadn't the boy invaded his privacy enough last year?
Occlumency lessons. What a joke. The boy had never made any improvements. Now the old man had pushed them together again expecting different results.
Severus groaned and took another sip of his drink.
Perhaps that was the answer. Potter had gotten hot under the collar during their lessons. He didn't want to fight with him but maybe it would shake him out of whatever funk he was in. He didn't think he could live with this version of the boy much longer. Plus, the boy's unguarded mind might give him the answers. They hadn't gotten any answers out of the boy about where he'd been. He hadn't even said a word to Black.
Severus hadn't bothered to ask. Clearly, he wasn't going to share whatever it was he felt was a better use of his time than staying safe at home.
Severus decided he'd start lessons again with the boy tomorrow. He needed to go into town tomorrow as well. They needed groceries. He'd do the boys' lesson in the morning and then give them both some space. Maybe when they got back the boy would be more himself. He hoped.
He pinched the bridge of his nose and swallowed the last of his drink. He stood and went to the kitchen and set his glass in the sink. With a sigh he trudged back up the stairs. He noticed the boy's door was open again and softly pulled it closed then made his way to the bathroom. He hoped a hot shower would wash away the stress of the day.
Severus tied his towel around his waist and made his way back to his room. He raised an eyebrow when he noticed the boy's door was open again. The lights were still off, and he heard no noise.
Severus pushed the door open slightly. The light from the hall spilled across the bed and confirmed Potter was there. Severus furrowed his brows. Maybe the old house just had a faulty latch. He'd look at it tomorrow. He'd planned to pop over to the hardware store and get some of the supplies he'd need to fix the house while he was in town.
With a sigh he pulled the door closed again and headed to bed.