Happy 4/20 my dear readers, I just came up with a humorous way for Jade and Tori have have a wacky day and also make reference to my fic "Friday the 13th: Performance Overload", so yeah you might want to read that story before you guys continue reading bellow but if you already had then enjoy the craziness to come became Jade never forgot the first time Tori got high and she was completely traumatized by those events that she promised herself never to go through something like that ever again.
That being said, enjoy the shenanigans of the West couple! But don't get high while reading, LOL.
If there was one thing about Jade West that everybody knew was that she never forgot and very rarely ever forgives.
Especially when it comes to the three most important things in her life, The scissoring movie, her favorite pair of scissors and last but not least, her wife, Tori West.
Speaking of the Latina, she just got out of bed, rubbing her left eye as she made her way towards the kitchen, knowing that her spouse was undoubtedly already there making two cups of joe for them.
"Jade!" Tori yawned. "Is the coffee ready yet? I could really use something to keep me awake right about now, I don't know why, I slept like a baby last night and somehow I'm still tired."
To her surprise there was no reply, no coffee and more importantly, no Jade to be seen.
"Well this is weird." Tori muttered but shrugged it off. "Jade probably just got a cup on the way to work, nothing to worry about."
… Oh how wrong she was at moment in time.
"Gotta love days off." Tori sighed happily, a hot cup of coffee in her hand and the remote control in the other, just about ready to lose herself in the new Alice in Wonderland remake.
"About time I can peacefully enjoy this movie without Jade telling me every five minutes that the guy who came up with the original concept was high while writing the book, yes I know he was! Everybody knows he was! I don't need the reminder!"
Halfway through the movie, Tori heard a crashing noise, this of course made the young brunette jump in surprise.
"What the…?" She muttered. "What was that?!"
The same crashing sound came again, this time twice as loud, something which of course made the Latina very uncomfortable, if not right down annoyed.
"Son of a Pop star!" Tori cursed. "I swear, if that raccoon that's been running around the neighborhood finally got in the garage, I'll call animal control… Maybe after I ditch it in front of Karen's house." The Latina then realized what she said and giggled amused. "Being married to Jade really made me get in touch with my vengeful side."
Tori reluctantly got up from the couch, not bothered to pause the movie, more so as a piece of mind since the jabbering in the background helped to calm her nerves as she got a broom out of the closet, ready to use it on whatever was hiding in the garage.
The Brunette slowly opened the garage door, trying to make as little noise as possible to ensure the element of surprise, which failed horribly the moment she tried to do a barrel roll and hide by the side of her car, the spectacle didn't end there as Tori quickly jumped to get a glimpse of all angles of her surroundings, only to be surprised that no one was in the garage.
"That's strange." Tori muttered as she scratched the back of her head in confusion. "I'm pretty sure I heard something in here… I guess it could have been my imagination."
Just as she was about to return to the living room and watch the rest of the film, shrugging off the noises she heard as her mind playing games on her, Tori noticed something that was out of place.
"Huh?" She muttered. "Kuddle me Kathy? How did you get all the way down here?"
Tori walked over to her favorite childhood toy that somehow made its way to the garage floor and to make things all the more puzzling, the toy doll was on top of a bag of… something.
Curiosity got the best out of her and Tori opened the paper bag only to raised an eyebrow in surprise "Is that… Pot?"
PONG!
"AH!"
To Tori's surprise, she quickly gets pulled into a net and is now being hoisted above the vehicles.
"AHA!" Jade shouted pointing the finger accusingly at her wife's face. "I got you, Vega!"
"Jade?!" Tori yelled out in shock "What the Hell?! What is this?!"
" This my dear Vega." Jade said evenly "Is me keeping an eye on you and more importantly, making sure Cat doesn't come within an inch of you if she knows what's good for her!"
"Huh?" Tori asked confused. "Baby, what are you babbling about? You're not making any sense."
"Oh I'm making perfect sense Vega." Jade purrs ominously. "I thought ahead and trapped you so you wouldn't do the Batman disappearing act on me for the remainder of the day!"
"Again, I'm not following baby." Tori said in exasperation. "And don't you think the net was a little overkill?"
"Hardly." The Thespian sneered. "But of course you wouldn't understand, you don't remember what I went through the first time you got high!"
Tori started snickering, which of course didn't amuse her spouse.
"What's so funny?"
"Come Jade, I'm literally hanging on a net way above your head!" Tori pointed out playfully "So in other words, I'm high!" The Latina laughed happily "You gotta admit, you walked right into that one."
"Damn it Vega, stop laughing!" Jade ordered. "This isn't funny!"
"It kinda is." Tori shrugged. "I mean come to think of if, how do I know I'm not high? I mean for all we know I'm having a little trip inside my head."
"This is real Vega!" Jade snarled. "You would think I'd go all the trouble to capture you without a reason?!"
"Ok, I'll give you that." Tori conceded. "You done way worse to me just to get revenge, like the time you threw coffee on my head, the time you pushed me off a three story building, the prom, the voodoo doll you made of me when we were in high school, the list goes on and on, baby, so I'll be honest, I'm curious, why am I in a net?"
"Most people would be terrified right about now."
"Most people aren't married to you."
"Touché Vega." Jade agreed. "Ok, I guess I'll have to spell it out to you Tor, do you know what today is?"
"Friday?"
"The date Vega! The date!"
"Friday the 20th?"
"Yes and do you know what happens on the 20th of April?"
"A three day weekend?"
"No Vega!" Jade exploded angrily "People get high!"
"Wait… What… They do?" Tori asked perplexed. "Wait a minute… Jade are you implying that this is your way of telling me that you're high?"
"NO!" Jade bellowed out, losing her patience, an eye twitching uncontrollably as if hinting she was going mad. "Vega, I went to all this trouble to prevent you from getting high!"
"Jade, that's ridiculous!"
"I thought so at first." The Thespian growled. "But after thinking it over and over, I came to the conclusion that it's not a far fetched idea, after all, you got high once thanks to Cat! What's going to prevent from that happening again, I'll tell you what, ME! You're not about to get anywhere near pot on my watch, Vega!"
"Jade, you can't still be mad at Cat!" Tori said. "It happened over ten years ago and it was an accident!"
"Well the magic mushrooms she got from her brother may have been an ' honest mistake.' The last words we're spoken with clear venom in her voice "But I'll never forget the disappearing act you pulled the entire night, the fact that you broke Robbie's arm, how you managed to steal my bra while I was wearing it, and last but not least give me one heart attack after another when you did your act stoned as fuck! I was sure you were going to hurt yourself!"
Tori had the decency to look sorry for the hardships she had given Jade that night many moons ago.
"So excuse me if I'm not in the mood to forgive Cat." Jade hissed. "Let alone care how overboard I'm going with every step I'm taking to protect the woman I love from the damn weed that made her into a happy go lucky tornado disaster!"
Jade then got her favorite pair of scissors from her bra.
"I'll cut you free at midnight, Vega." Jade growled "After that, you can yell at me all night if you want, I don't care, I rather have you safe, lucid and angry at me than running around, high and with the possibility of you getting harmed somehow."
"Jade, it's sweet that you want to keep me safe but you can't just have me hanging from a net for the rest of the day!" Tori pointed out. "Do you realize how insane that sounds?"
"I do." Jade nodded "But I also know Cat's brother is crazy enough make pot cupcakes and Cat is oblivious enough to give you some and you're so damn innocent to take a cupcake just to not hurt her feelings!"
Tori said nothing to that.
"So in order to prevent the chiz from hitting the fan, I'm making sure you're away from Cat and the moment she even tries to set foot here, I'll simply take her pot cupcakes and throw them away far away from you!"
Jade's stomach growls.
"Damn it." She cursed. "With all the planning I been doing, I forgot to have some breakfast."
"Oh hey, let me take care of that." Tori said sweetly as she got something out of the paper bag she's been holding onto, giving a cupcake that was inside.
"Thanks Vega." The older woman replied as she grabbed the little snack, taking one bite after another.
Tori then convinced her that one cupcake wasn't enough and ate two more.
"Chiz, that hit the spot!" Jade said. "By the way, what did you give me Tor?"
"Oh something that came with my Kuddle me Kathy Doll." Tori replied mischievously.
"And that was?"
"The pot cupcakes you used to apparently lured me here."
Jade's jaw dropped, giving her spouse the evil eye.
"Oh you conniving little… Vega!"
"Look at it this way Jade." Tori said coyly "At least now you'll be more happy and less paranoid in a few minutes."
"You taken some bad habits from me Tor." Jade admitted somewhat proudly. "You starting to think like me…"
"That, I have."
"I don't know whether to be impressed or mad or…. Happy." Jade started laughing uncontrollably right then and there. "Vega! You're so high… That's not fair! I wanna be with you up there, then we can be high together!"
The Latina couldn't help but chuckle.
"She's so cute when she's silly." Tori thought. "Tell you what Jade, if you let me down, I'll give you so many hugs and kisses that you'll be over the moon!"
"YAY!" Jade cheered before she used her scissors to cut the net, not taking into account that her spouse would unceremoniously hit the ground the moment she made a hole big enough to go through.
"Ow!"
"My wife doesn't bounce!" Jade snickered. "Just like clowns!"
"There's some irony in here." Tori muttered as she massaged her aching butt. "No one's going to believe that while trying to prevent me from getting high, Jade got high herself, there's never a dull moment with you around baby, you know that?"
Jade didn't say anything, instead she got on top of her wife, held her protectively in her arms, rested her head on her shoulders and started purring affectionately.
"Mine!"
Tori could only manage to blink, to say she was surprised was the understatement of the century!
"Uh… Jade?"
"My Vega!" The Thespian pouted before she started giving her spouse kisses all over her face.
"Well, this is weird." Tori thought. "But I sure can't say I'm complaining."
Suddenly without any explanation, Cat opened up the garage door.
"Hey guys!" The former redhead greeted happily. "I been trying to get in contact with you two but you never picked up your phone! I wanted to ask you you wanted to come to my house! My brother made some cupcakes and…"
This is the moment when Jade stopped giving her wife so much love and let out a horrifyingly loud roar directed at their friend.
"EEK!"
Cat of course started running for her life, terrified by the sight of her best friend just about ready to murder her.
Once the petite woman was gone, Jade once more started cuddling with Tori, purring away by the proximity and touch they were in.
"Hot damn Jade." The brunette muttered. "Even when you're high, you still can hold a grudge towards Cat, why am I not surprised?"
Jade only continued to purr.
"Oh what the Hell." Tori said before getting her phone out of her pocket. "Say cheese, Jade!"
"Cheese Jade!"
Click.
"Happy 4/20 to all!" Jade clapped afterward. "Oh Vega, clapping makes such pretty sounds!"
"You've so cute when you're high."
Well, that's a wrap! Honestly if you guys read my fic "Friday the 13th: Performance Overload", you guys would remember that Tori was hyperactive when high, I thought it would be less predictable and a lot more surprising if Jade was more or less calm while she was stoned.
Jade would never admit it but seemed Tori nearly hurting herself is something that traumatized her big time and for this reason neither Friday the 13th or 4/20 held the same appeal to her ever again.
The moment where it was mentioned that the author of "Alice in Wonderland" Lewis Carroll was high while writing the book is of course an urban legend that I thought would fit with the theme of the chapter, especially serving as a not so subtle reminder from Jade about the time Tori got high for the very first time and it was chaotic to say the least, heh.
Of course Jade would still have a grudge against Cat, she certainly doesn't forgive or forget so easily.
So anyway, what did you guy's thought of this one? Good? Bad or in between? As always constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.
Invader Johnny Signing Off