A/N: Han's POV. Takes place between Chapter 13 and Chapter 14 of Purpose of Heritage.
This is the first one of these that doesn't have a direct companion chapter in Purpose of Heritage; rather, this event is briefly alluded to in both the previous chapter of this collection and in Chapter 16 of Purpose of Heritage
The trip to Ruusan had been both exhausting and nerve-wracking for Han. Leaving the ship had not been a part of the plan, and neither had going into a casino, where he could have been seen by any number of beings looking to kill or capture him. But they had needed him, and as much as Han hated to admit it, it was nice to be needed from time to time.
It was better that he went in than Londdel, at least. That kid — okay, he wasn't really a kid; he was older than Leia by a few years, but either way, he had been too big of a liability. Han had noticed the way he talked to and about Leia, the way he seemed so focused on her safety, but in ways that weren't always realistic or helpful. He would've freaked the second the security guard grabbed her arm. Never mind that Han had felt a jolt of sheer panic at that very moment; he had kept his cool on the outside and that's what mattered.
Leia was supposed to be over any minute. They had just arrived back on Home One, she and the others were debriefing with Seertay, and then she was coming to the Falcon for a drink. It had turned into something of a ritual, having a drink together after debrief, and Han looked forward to it more than he wanted to admit.
He was fond of the princess. He had realized that some time ago, but it had become more obvious as they had to work directly together nearly daily. She was whip smart, funny, resourceful, and determined to the point of stupidity. The impulsivity could be tiring occasionally, but she made good decisions with it at least half of the time. Plus, she made good company. She wasn't nearly as uptight and bossy as she had come across at their first meeting; she was actually…fun.
Fun. Kind. Compassionate. Well, and maybe a little bossy, too. He hadn't read her entirely wrong that first day.
A knock on his cabin door startled him — he thought Chewie had gone in search of rations on Home One, and it was rare that anyone else approached his cabin. Leia usually just waited for him in the lounge. He palmed open the door, expecting to see his copilot and instead found himself face-to-face with Naj Phibs. She leaned in the doorway casually, taller while leaning than Leia was standing up straight. Her blond hair fell loose over her shoulders and she wore a look that…
Well, Han knew that look. He had seen it on more than a couple of faces in his time.
"Somethin' wrong?" he asked, though he knew damn well nothing was wrong judging by her expression.
Naj shook her head. "Everything's fine. I was the first one out of debrief."
Han hesitated. He almost hated to ask when he knew where this was going, knew what she wanted, knew what he would probably end up doing, knew that there was a fair chance he'd loathe himself in the morning for it. "You want somethin', then?"
Naj placed her hand brazenly on his chest, stepping so close to him that their noses nearly touched. She looked at him with suggestive, sultry eyes. "I think we both want the same thing," she said huskily, tilting her head slightly so her lips brushed his.
Han's heart pounded and his stomach twisted. It was true, he had flirted with Naj on the trip; flirting was his fallback with women he didn't understand well and it rarely caused issues. But he wasn't generally stuck in close quarters with those women for weeks at a time; it was possible he had flirted more than he usually would have, that whatever attention he had thrown her way had been more concentrated than he'd intended. He thought it had been harmless fun — more banter and winks than anything serious — and she had seemed amenable to it so he hadn't stopped.
He now realized she had been more than amenable and he felt conflicted. It had been quite awhile since he'd been with anyone — over a year — and she was leggy, gorgeous, and clearly interested. It would—Well, it would be—But he couldn't do anything serious; she had to know that.
When he didn't respond, but also didn't move away, Naj pulled back enough to look Han in the eye. He saw a brief flash of doubt cross her face before the suggestive look returned. She bit her lip. "I want you."
He chuckled softly and rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I got the message," he said with a wry smile. He wasn't sure what he wanted to happen, wasn't sure why he hadn't invited her into his cabin the second she had given him that look — a year ago, he would have — but something in the back of his mind kept saying that it was terrible timing. "Look, Naj, I—" Han broke off, suddenly remembering: Leia would be there soon. He could send her away when she arrived, could tell her he was more tired than expected, or even have Naj hang out or come back later and rush through the drink with Leia. But he found he didn't want to skip or rush their ritual, and the more he thought about it, the less appealing those options seemed.
He sucked air through his teeth before looking at Naj apologetically. "I don't get involved with people I work with. Gets too messy." It wasn't exactly a lie; he tried to follow that principle most of the time. He had made a couple of exceptions in the past — and they had, indeed, been far too messy — but she didn't need to know that. Better to let her down easy.
Naj backed away as if she'd been burned and straightened her posture. "Apologies, Captain," she said hastily, eyes focused intently on the ship's deckplates. She took another step back so she was out of his doorway and completely in the lounge. "I must have misinterpreted something."
Han shook his head, a grim expression on his face. "I shouldn't've been flirtin' with ya the whole trip," he admitted. "Thought we were just… I think I gave ya the wrong idea. Not your fault."
She nodded, cheeks burning a bright red. She still wouldn't look at him. "I understand you may need to discuss my indiscretion with my superior, but would it be too much to ask that you not share this incident with my teammates?" she asked quietly.
He shrugged, trying to remain casual, cool, trying not to betray how bad he felt. "Don't think anything needs to be shared with anyone." He paused. "Sorry what you're lookin' for ain't here."
Naj bit her lip, appearing relieved. She nodded and walked away without saying another word, clearly holding herself back from running off the Falcon.
"Phibs," Han said, and she stopped, turning halfway so he could see her profile. "It ain't you."
She nodded and said, "Yeah. Sure," before retreating quickly.
Han sat heavily in the booth in the lounge, heart and stomach both twisting and turning. He really hadn't meant anything by the flirting, and he had been telling the truth — it wasn't Naj. She seemed sweet — though he really hadn't talked with her about much of substance — and she was smart enough to be a combat medic. And physically she was…well, she was objectively attractive. But he couldn't be involved with anyone, really. When he had told Leia a few months back he didn't think he could ever get married, that covered serious relationships, too. He brought too much danger to the table. And as far as anything not-serious went…Well, it seemed like a recipe for disaster when they were all in such close quarters most of the time.
And he just hadn't really wanted… He had plans with Leia that he didn't want to cancel.
When Leia boarded the ship — he always knew it was her by how quiet her steps were — Han managed to pull himself into a state resembling normal. She appeared in the entrance of the lounge, a tired smile on her face, and something about her presence made the confusion from moments before fall to the wayside.
"Seertay may want to talk to you about the casino," she said, sliding into the booth next to him. She settled in with enough distance between them that there was no chance of their arms touching, and Han felt a confusing mixture of disappointment and relief.
"Oh, yeah?" he asked.
Leia nodded wearily. "She's not upset or anything. Just wants to know what happened while you were in there by yourself."
"Fat lotta nothin'," Han said. He had been on-edge the entire time sitting at that table that he would be spotted by someone working for Jabba or, even worse, someone who wanted to work for Jabba and was looking for an easy way into his good graces. He had even avoided the Corellian Spike tables, figuring he'd be expected to play his favorite variety of sabacc and might be more easily spotted. But nothing interesting or concerning had occurred until Leia was pulled from the game.
Leia tilted her head back against the back of the booth. "I'll tell her to write that exact quote on the report," she said, an amused expression on her face.
"I insist that you do," he said, forcing some levity into his tone.
Leia sat forward and studied his face. "Is everything all right? You seem…" She tilted her head slightly, as if unsure of what word applied to Han's demeanor. He wasn't sure himself.
He nodded. "I'm fine," he said. "I drifted off while you all were in debrief and just woke up. Still a little groggy." He didn't like the lie, but he liked the truth even less, and he had specifically promised not to talk about Naj's…about Naj with her teammates.
"Oh," Leia said, brow furrowed. She moved as if to stand. "I can head out if you're tired."
Han shook his head. "No. No. I mean, I ain't any tireder than you are." He stood and pulled a couple of glasses from a cabinet. "Whiskey all right?"
"Always," Leia said, settling back into the booth with a grin.
Han poured them each a glass and brought the bottle to the table, still concerned that he'd made some mistakes with Naj during the mission, but certain he'd at least made the right choice for the evening.