Thanks to IndigoMona for the follow/fav!
Chapter 8
Ouch, I cry again, as my hand gets burnt again. I consider putting the damn thing aside for a minute, dropping it on the desk, stretching on the chair until I'm leaning on its back.
I pick up the teleport bracelet, twisting it in my hands.
"Would you mind?", the Doctor says, suddenly appearing at my side. "This desk is an original high timberwork from Gallifrey itself, go burn stuff somewhere else", he frowns at me.
"Really", I say, popping the chair back on its four, leaning on the desk. "So these multiple circles are part of an ancient design?", I smirk, running my fingers over the lines. "Because they look oddly similar to regular teacup stains to me".
Donna laughs. "Busted, Doctor".
"Well, wheter I use coasters or not on my desk, in my Tardis, isn't for you to discuss. I'm sure the Tardis will make a room for your... tinkering" he says, gesturing widely, "so that you can experiment with science beyond you and build whatever you want without damaging ancient artifacts", he scolds.
I blink. "Rude", I say. "And low, really. Science beyond you?" I repeat, standing up, gathering my mess. "But still, you have a point", I say dramatically, swiftly turning my head so that my fringe waves following, and I make my way back to the hallway.
As I walk, I hear Donna protest. "Go apologize", she orders. I stop, turning quietly, but they don't notice me.
"But-".
"Nope. Go apologize", she says with a scolding tone I'm learning to recognize easily. "She's not your pet".
I'm going now to find the room the Tardis has for me because I know that room exists, but actually that looked like again, I was just following the Doctor's lead.
Which is the reassuring and easy way, because I trust him with my life, but I want to do more. Be more. That's why I'm trying to make something out of all this engineering genius ideas. Because so far, it's not like the Doctor can actually count on me.
He told me of how he met Rose, once, and Martha, and Donna, recently. They all did something to help him, one way or another. They've been travelling with him because he needed them. Me... gosh, I started travelling with him because he was afraid of what I would do by myself. He actually said he was abducting me, for Rassilon's sake. No wonder he doesn't really rely on me.
Even down in the escape pod under mount Vesuvius, I mean, all I could do was literally give him a hand.
"But if it's aliens setting off the volcano, doesn't that make it all right for you to stop it?", Donna asked.
"Still part of history", the Doctor said dismissively.
"But I'm history to you. You saved me in 2008. You saved us all. Why is that different?", she insisted.
"Some things are fixed, some things are in flux. Pompeii is fixed", I said.
I really get it now, the fixed points thing. I was really feeling very Time-Lordy there, I even got the name yourself planet of origin blah blah Shadow Proclamation blah pledge right, just minutes before. And I came up with the water pistol, which was really cool of me, even if the Doctor gave me his usual warning look as he always does when he sees weapons in my hands.
"How do you know which is which?", Donna asked, glancing between me and him.
"Because that's how I see the universe. Every waking second, I can see what is, what was, what could be, what must not. That's the burden of a Time Lord, Donna. And I'm the only one left. We are the only ones left".
He corrected himself last second. And I'm sure it's because having me here doesn't really help him, that's what I mean. I don't count, because he still feels the weight of the whole world, of all history on his own lonely skinny shoulders.
"How many people died?", Donna asked.
"Donna, stop it", I begged her.
"Doctor, how many people died?", she insisted.
"Twenty thousand", he finally said. It's a mask we wear, that cold blank gaze, because really, I feel it all. We can't change it, but that doesn't make it right. I feel it all, the Doctor feels it all. He just hides it most of the time.
"Is that what you can see, Doctor? All twenty thousand? And you think that's all right, do you?", Donna asked. I'm still getting to know her, but it's as if she can really see through the mask sometimes.
And just as I could feel what he was feeling then, even if we didn't say anything to each other, when he said It's worse than that, I knew he was thinking the same thing I was thinking. We both could see the timeline wrapping on us, leading to what happened later.
"The energy converter takes the lava, uses the power to create a fusion matrix, which welds Pyrovile to human. Now it's complete, they can convert millions", I explained.
"But can't you change it with these controls?".
"Of course I can, but don't you see? That's why the soothsayers can't see the volcano. There is no volcano. Vesuvius is never going to erupt. The Pyrovile are stealing all its power. They're going to use it to take over the world". Again, I saw his mask begin to crumble.
"But you can change it back?". The Doctor looked at me with a knowing look. He didn't have to tell me, but he still owed Donna an explanation.
"I can invert the system, set off the volcano, and blow them up, yes. But, that's the choice, Donna. It's Pompeii or the world".
"Oh my God", she finally said, realizing.
"If Pompeii is destroyed then it's not just history, it's me. I make it happen", he almost whispered then, frantic.
I stepped in. "Not you, us. We make it happen", I corrected him. It wasn't like letting him do it by himself would make me feel less guilty. And I think he needed someone else to do it with him.
"Doctor, the Pyrovile are made of rocks. Maybe they can't be blown up", Donna was saying, still hoping for a way to avoid the eruption.
"Vesuvius explodes with the force of twenty four nuclear bombs. Nothing can survive it. Certainly not us", he said, looking quickly at the both of us.
"Never mind us", Donna said, bravely, tears in her eyes.
"Push this lever and it's over", the Doctor said, not hiding his pain anymore. "Twenty thousand people", he said gravely, his hands stiffening on the stone lever. His eyes again wondered desperately between mine and Donna's, and we both placed our hands on top of his.
Donna gave us both a symphatethic look, and together, the three of us, we pushed down the lever.
Boom. Pompeii, gone.
And of course we didn't know our trap was in fact an escape pod, so she was indeed brave. I've admitted to myself quite some time ago that I would follow the Doctor into death if it was necessary, but Donna, Donna, I mean. She didn't have to do that. She could have stubbornly insisted for another way out, but she didn't. She stood there and destroyed Pompeii with us not knowing if we were going to survive, and she didn't bat an eyelash.
So after what we'd been through it was only fair that we let that family ride the Tardis outside of town and let Donna save them, at least. She needed to do that.
I think we all needed that, saving someone - at least someone - before leaving, not that it compensates for the other twenty thousand people in any way, but just to see her smile with them... totally worth it.
What's not really worth it is having this amazing atelier all to myself when I can't even manage to open the damn screwdriver. I toss it on the desk, picking up the teleport bracelet from the Titanic again.
"You'd need a piece of the Tardis core to do that", the Doctor's voice stops me from the doorway.
"Do what?", I ask. "Am I shouting telepathically now?".
"No", he replies, rubbing a finger over his eyelid as he hangs onto the doorframe, studying the room. "Turn it into a vortex manipulator, isn't that what you're thinking? You could do it with a piece of the Tardis core, maybe".
"Really?", I ask, puzzled. "Isn't that science beyond me?", I quote.
"Sorry about that. Really", he says, walking closer to me. "I don't know what's gotten into me lately. Anyway, yes, I think you could do it. But what would you need it for? You already have that useless Time Ring that's going to work someday, although you don't need it, as long as you're here".
"I'm here, yeah", I repeat, looking at the floor, thinking. "You know, I'm here", I stress.
"Yeah", he said, his voice still shaking a little.
"I mean, I know I can't even pretend to be on the same ground as you, but... what you said in Pompeii... your unique way of seeing the world, that's not unique anymore. I see things the same way".
He groans, as if trying to find something to say to dismiss my pride without sounding too rude again.
"I will find a way to do more than just hold your hand, Doctor. You're not the last of the Time Lords anymore", I said, looking at him.
He opens his mouth to speak, but he doesn't say anything. "Whatever you say, I'll follow. But... just know you don't have to take those decisions alone anymore. You're not alone anymore, because there's me. I'm here for you", I say, shaking. What did I say about Time Lords' trouble in expressing their emotions?
He holds my hand and clings to it, letting out a breath.
"You're here, yeah", he repeats, with a hint of sadness, as he lets go of my hand and hugs me slowly, and even if I can't see his look as he buries my face in his chest, dropping a quick kiss on my hair before resting his chin on the top of my head. "But you're not here for me".
I draw back, quickly. He lets me go, but he's like he's holding me still by the way he stares into my eyes. For an instant, I think he might kiss me. Or, that I might kiss him. Show him I want to be here for him, too.
Ok, the way he looks at me? It says I want to kiss you so badly but we both know it's not a good idea so best leave it at that.
And, I'm not imagining things, because he blinks, and then says:
"I guess we could try to make this work, together, but... this", he gestures between me and him, "this is not the way it's meant to be".
"I know", I agree, looking down at my suddenly very interesting toes. Anything but looking at him again with that gaze.
"Besides, some... chemistry might help".
"Chemistry? Doctor, I-". I'm confused. It was with the older Doctor, the last time, but the chemistry was definitely there.
"Your entire biology is written for him. He's all over your biological signature, like he left a mark of him in your own TNA".
I'm really confused.
"TNA?".
"Humans have DNA, for Time Lords it's a triple helix. I mean it's complicated, but maybe you could extract the Master bio-signature from your own blood and generate a print to unlock the laser screwdriver".
"...Right".
Right. So. Maybe I am misunderstanding. A little, just a little bit. Like, I thought he was talking about the chance of a relationship while he was talking about damn engineering again.
"Good. I'll let you work then", he says, still standing there, just inches away from my dumbfounded face. And he's still looking at me.
"...'kay", I mutter.
He leaves, gesturing awkwardly in a way that really reminds me of his bow-tie wearing regeneration. I sigh heavily. The Tardis buzzes in my head. "Oh stop it", I blurt to the almighty sentient ship, as I sting my finger and watch the blood turn into a small bead. "Give me some medical lab equipment at least".
And as always for each review here's a trivia/tip/fact/whatever:
-Zoe's lab is not yet what looked like when she worked there before the Apollo, the Tardis just provided her with bare furnishing. It will really become her messy and very personal space only after she spends a little more time in there. In my imagination, it looks more like an artist atelier than a scientific lab, because she's more for experimenting hands-on and building stuff rather than analyzing and collecting data. She's a Leonard, not a Sheldon, if you're TBBT fans. ;)
Next chapter is almost done updates should come soon. Or should I wait for a minimum number of reviews? Without telling how many I expect? Ahahah, who knows (evil loki laugh)