The Alter-ego's Birthday

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"Oh thank goodness, you got my message!" Kate declared as she flung her arms in the air and abruptly stopped her pacing, then turned to see the two very handsome and completely fictitious outlaws had appeared out of the blue and were now standing in her study.

Brows furled as Heyes and the Kid exchanged sideways glances. Neither had ever seen Kate so anxious and distraught.

"Of course we're here," Kid assured her. "You tap the words out on that typing machine and we automatically do whatever you happen to write. In this case, the words you typed were 'Heyes and the Kid appeared in Kate's apartment,' end quote," Kid added while squinting to read the fine print on the computer screen.

"So here we are. Now what is the big emergency?" Heyes asked while still quite perplexed about Kate's state of mind.

"What's the emergency? I can't believe you even have to ask that question! Do you have any idea what day this is?"

"In your time or in ours?" Kid mistakenly quarried.

"In my time you ninny!"

Kid's head jerked back. "What did you just call me?" he asked in his most threatening outlaw voice; the voice he usually saved solely for Harry Briscoe.

In her frustration, Kate was oblivious to Kid's intimidation attempt. "Look around this room," she shouted with a sweeping theatrical gesture of her arm. "What do you see!"

"Balloons, a Happy Birthday banner, a birthday cake and a bowl or punch on the table, a couple of wrapped presents, a box of candles…." Heyes verbally itemized.

"Eight minute candles?" Kid asked with a grin and a raise of his eyebrows.

Heyes frowned. "They're cake candles Kid, and it looks like Kate is throwing somebody a birthday party," Heyes concluded.

"Yes, I am! Or, at least I had planned to," Kate said as her chin began to quiver.

"Whose birthday is it?" Kid asked.

Kate sucked in a deep breath. "Yours," she blurted.

Kid looked at her with a confused expression on his face. "It ain't my birthday," he told her in a very matter of fact manner.

"I know that!" Kate exclaimed. "Or at least… I know that I don't have a clue when your birthday is! But it is your alter-ego's birthday!"

"And you're throwing him a party? Ain't that sweet," Kid said, hoping a little acknowledgement of her efforts would improve her mood.

Kate bit her fingernail nervously and nodded. Then her face contorted into a huge frown and tears began to roll down her cheeks as she shook her head. "I forgot to invite him," she blurted out between great gasps for air.

"Aww, is the memory playing tricks on you?" Kid asked, then pinched his lips so tightly together they literally disappeared, and he quickly covered his mouth with the palm of his hand. As he looked at his partner, his shoulders began to shake and Heyes shot him a very stern warning to pull himself together before making matters even worse.

"Maybe you could call him and invite him now," Heyes suggested.

Kate shook her head. "That's easy enough to do for the two of you because you're not real. I can summon you from halfway around the world, but I can't do that with a real person who lives halfway across the country," she sobbed.

"Aww Kate, it's not the end of the world," Kid said, struggling to sound sincere. "He likely wouldn't have come anyway. I mean it ain't like he even knows who you are."

Kate's face contorted into an even deeper expression of agony. "I knooooow," she sobbed.

Heyes slapped Kid's shoulder with the back of his hand. "Would you just shut up! You really are heartless sometimes, you know that?"

Kid shrugged slightly as his mood sobered and he placed a comforting arm about Kate's shoulders. "I'm sorry Kate. Heyes is right, that was a heartless thing to say. Of course, he wouldda come… if you'd remembered to invite him," Kid managed to say before again pinching his lips together so tightly they disappeared into his mouth.

"No he wouldn't," Kate sadly admitted as she sniffled repeatedly. "He's probably spending the night clubbing with his real friends."

Kid looked at Heyes for an explanation. "Clubbing?" he mouthed silently, but all Heyes could do was shrug his shoulders and turn the palms of his hands upward.

"Maybe I could step in for him," Kid suggested half-heartedly. "You know all about fiction. You could just pretend I was….him…instead of me."

Kate wiped her nose with the back of her hand. With her now slightly damp hand she reached up and clasped Kid's hand still resting on her shoulder and Kid shot Heyes a disgusted look.

"That's awfully kind of you, Kid," she said through a series a sniffles. "But… well, you not being real and all, it's just not the same," she said sadly.

Kid again looked affronted and wondered just how many insults he should have to endure for the sake of that alter-ego. "Have you ever thrown him a birthday party in the past?" he asked.

The frown reappeared on Kate's face, but it was not accompanied by tears. "No," she admitted.

"Then why is this one so disappointing?"

"Because…. Because…. Because of the very fact that this is the first birthday party I've ever thrown for him and… (gasp)…and… (gasp)… and I forgot to invite him!" she exclaimed and again burst into a flood of tears and uncontrollable sobbing.

This time Kid not only pinched his lips together, but he turned his head away and still couldn't keep the dimple from appearing on his cheek. He found her borderline obsession very amusing.

"Heyes, maybe you'd better handle this," Kid said and took a few steps away from the unexplainably hysterical writer.

"Kate," Heyes said while handing her his bandana. "Just because the guest of honor isn't here standing in your living room…."

"Study," came a muffled correction uttered through the bandana that she held in a ball against her lips.

Heyes rolled his eyes but persevered. "Fine, Study. The point is, do you really need him here in the room to celebrate his birthday? I mean, you've gone to a lot of trouble decorating the place and you even made a cake. Why let his absence spoil all your plans?"

Kate sniffled and dropped the bandana away from her face and Heyes knew he had her attention.

With his hand about her shoulders, Heyes gently turned Kate so both he and Kate were now looking at the Kid.

"Now, take a hard look at the Kid here, and picture the alter-ego in your mind. Comparing the two, you've got to admit that they do look alike, and they do talk alike."

Kate nodded.

"And I think it's a safe bet that they both like birthday cake. I mean, who doesn't like birthday cake?"

Kate turned a long sideways glance toward the Kid who gave her his most charming smile and she couldn't contain a slight giggle.

"You do have a point, Heyes," she told him.

"And," Heyes added. "Being as no one knows exactly when the Kid's birthday is, why can't it be the same day as the alter-ego's?"

Kate bit her lower lip as she contemplated the possibility. "I suppose that could work," she conceded.

"I've got an idea," Kid said with a grin. "You could make it a character party, eh?"

"You mean invite all the characters he played?" Kate asked with a hint of enthusiasm.

"Exactly!"

"Wait a minute," Kate said with some sudden concern. "Wouldn't it be all of their birthdays, too?"

"If that's the way you want it," Heyes told her.

"I don't know if I have enough birthday cake to go around."

"Then maybe just invite your favorite characters," Heyes suggested.

"Will Chisholm!" Kate shouted.

Once again Kid felt somehow slighted by her quick and exuberant response. "Who's Will Chisholm?" he demanded to know.

Heyes shrugged to let Kid know he had no idea who Kate was talking about. "Is Will Chisholm like me and the Kid?" he asked, and Kate nodded. "A frontiersman," she exclaimed.

This time Heyes couldn't contain a grin. "You're safe, Kid. Chisholm is fictitious, just like us," he assured his partner.

When they turned their attention back to Kate, both outlaws suddenly noticed Kate staring off into space with a stupid, dreamy smile on her face.

"Kate?" Kid said, trying to bring her back from her thoughts.

"Kate," he said again and snapped his fingers in front of her nose to no avail.

Kid turned to Heyes. "What do we do now?"

Heyes shook his head. "If this was you, I'd pour a pitcher of water over your head."

Kid gave his partner an exasperated look. "We can't do that to a woman!" he exclaimed.

"Especially this one. She'd feel compelled to get even," Heyes added.

"Kate, snap out of it!" Kid shouted and gave her cheek a couple of semi-gentle slaps with the palm of his hand.

"Oh, sorry," she said as her daydream dissolved into thin air. "I was just thinking about a room full of men who all look like… you know, the alter-ego," she explained with a post climatic sigh and a very goofy smile.

"Maybe this ain't such a good idea," Kid said.

Heyes nodded. "Kate, this party is beginning to sound a little… one sided. Maybe you ought to invite some ladies, too."

"But that would be competition, I mean er..ah… that would mean more cake."

Heyes sighed heavily. "Kate, maybe the best way to celebrate the alter-ego's birthday isn't by throwing a big, elaborate party for a bunch of… questionable pretend characters."

"They are not questionable! They are all heros!" Kate said defensively.

"Aqua Man?" Kid asked.

"Not Aqua Man. He was the Gemini Man," Kate replied sternly.

"Gemini? What did he do, run around telling people their horoscopes?" Kid asked.

Kate stared at him with wide, threatening eyes. "This coming from a man who believes in omens. Remember Sheriff Coffin? Pot calling the kettle black, if you ask me."

"Let's try to keep this civil and get back to the matter at hand," Heyes said, giving Kid a stern glare. "Now, obviously celebrating this birthday is important to you, right?"

Kate nodded.

"And we've finally figured out the invitation list, so you'd better start writing those names down on that writing machine of yours. We might as well get this party started just as soon as we can," Heyes said while leading Kate over to her desk and gently pushing her down into her chair.

As Kate's fingers started flying across the keyboard, Heyes stepped back and nonchalantly pulled his partner to the far side of the room.

"Now that we've got her calmed down, we just hafta get through a couple of hours of this rabbit-in-the-hole party of hers. You be on your best behavior, so we don't get her all riled up again. With a little luck, we can be outta here by suppertime."

"Heyes, you know this alter-ego as well as I do, you really think he's worth all this trouble?"

Heyes smiled and wrapped his arm about the Kid's shoulder and nodded. "Yeah Kid, I think he just might be worth all this trouble. After all, he made sure I had the best partner a fella could ask for."

"Yeah, I guess you're right Heyes. He is worth all the trouble," Kid said, then gestured in Kate's direction. "I mean, I don't know another soul in the world that can put such a goofy looking smile on Kate's face."

"And look on the bright side, these birthdays only happen once a year," Heyes assured him.

Kid grinned. "Except for you and me. We'll stay thirty for all eternity!"

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Wishing Mr. Murphy a very Happy 82nd Birthday!