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Chapter 19: You Can't Save Everyone

"The hardest thing about this job is you can't always save everybody," - Spider-Ham; Spiderman: Into the Spider-Verse (2018)

I followed Leo outside, just by the side in an alleyway. It wasn't anything suspicious about it, it's actually pretty clean and safe with a dumpster. Probably makes it easier for Leo and Calypso with their business.

"What are we doing here, Leo?" I asked.

"I want to show you something. It's over here in this alleyway."

He gestured to me to look at the wall. I saw this wall full of graffiti's; but it's mostly just names and some symbols. What's odd is that these symbols are a lot like the symbols used to represent the gods back in Camp.

"What is this?" I asked.

"This is the wall of heroes. Or at least, that's what I call it. I put down every name of every camper who walks down my doorstep as they prepare for their quest. Calypso and I give them armor, weapons and supplies."

I look at every name that appears and I noticed that each one has a symbol of their godly parents.

"If that's true, then shouldn't there be more names? I feel like there's way more campers than what's here on this wall."

"You're not wrong, but there's a reason for that, Estelle."

"And what's that?" I asked.

"… Because these are people that never came back…"

I was silent for a moment. Unable to reply to what he just said. I mean, how could you? I met some of the campers, they were around my age. Heck, most were even younger. Sure they have godly blood and powers, but they were still kids.

"What?" I said.

Leo nodded, "Yeah…"

"But…"

"I know you think that it's all fun and adventures. Trust me, I get it; I was like that too. But… as I grew up, I realized that our lives aren't adventures. It was a living hell, trying to survive day by day. I couldn't even go to school without looking at my shoulder. Our lives are anything but heroic. Sure, we save the world countless times, but even then, no one knows. No one knows that we're struggling to just live."

Leo took a deep breath.

"I used to be optimistic, keep telling myself that despite my crappy childhood, the loss of my mother, I can still live a better life. And I did; got my dream job with my dream girl and have an amazing daughter. Life for me was good… but I was one of the lucky ones."

He looks up at the wall.

"All these kids… they came to camp to have a second chance. To live a normal life. For once to just… be a kid. But in the end, they die…"

"But… why?" I asked. "Why send them on a dangerous journey when you know they won't be coming back?!"

"…Because we're the only ones who can do it. The world doesn't know we exist: Demigods; monsters; gods and magic. And as long as that continues, we'll continue fighting against evils in the shadows. Time after time…"

Leo chuckled.

"It's funny though… back then, I did actually break that cycle of fate and came back from the dead. All to save Calypso…"

At least there's a bright side to this life.

But Leo frowned as he continued.

"But that happiness ended quickly. I came back, and everything was falling apart. Calypso and I argued a lot, Percy and Annabeth facing trials for college, Piper facing her own issues and then there's…"

Leo was quiet for a moment, his breathing was shaky and his eyes… always filled with mischief and bright are now dull, filled with fear and grief.

Like he's back somewhere horrifying and traumatic.

He took a deep breath.

"… and then there's Jason…"

There it is again.

Jason.

"Percy mentioned him before but he was skeptical about it. Who was he?"

"…He was our friend…"

Leo said it with a shaky voice. Like he's trying really hard not to break down.

"Jason Grace was… a good guy with a complicated past. He was a son of Jupiter, Roman version of Zeus. So technically, he's your cousin."

"What was he like?" I ask.

"He was… gods, I don't know, the perfect guy? I mean, he's smart enough to compete with Annabeth's mind; skillful like Percy in combat; handsome like yours truly."

"Making a lot of assumptions there," I implied.

Leo chuckles and continues, "But despite how perfect he is, he was always looking out for us, even when he was having problems himself. He was never selfish or even ignored other's opinions. You think that with children of Zeus, you'd expect these strong, self-bragging heroes who cares only about themselves. But Jason? He was different. Though, it may be because of his past."

Leo tells me more about Jason. How he was taken from his mom despite that she was insane for Zeus's affection and ignored her children. How he was trained since he was a baby to become the perfect warrior. How he fought hard to unite both camps and made promises that in the end, he wasn't able to keep. How he always fought for others, never once having a place to belong. Never having a home. A family.

To his friends, he was their Superman.

"Sure he made mistakes, he got knocked down many times and such. But despite that, he always gets back up and keeps going. He gave up so much for us. His ranks; his past; he gave up everything for us until finally… he gave up his life."

I never saw Leo with such a serious tone, nor a depressed expression on his face. Jason must have been important to Leo.

"You miss him, don't you?" I asked.

"…He was my best friend. Like the brother I never had… losing him… took a lot out of me. Hell, it almost pushed Calypso away. If I lost her too… I… I don't know where I'd be right now. Probably the same as Piper."

"Piper? You mean Piper McLean?" I asked.

"Yeah… they were a thing in the past. But… stuff happened and she broke it off. Though, she probably didn't have to if she just talked it out with Jason… If she had the chance…"

"But, she's living a successful life, isn't she? She's a famous actress and has done many movies and modeling shows."

Leo shrugged, "That's the thing… I don't know anymore. She stopped coming to camp, she never answers my calls or texts anymore; she just… she's on her own now. Though I can't blame her. Jason's death was hard on me, but her? I can't imagine what she's going through."

"…I'm sorry to hear that," I said.

"This is our life, Estelle. Sure it's filled with wonders and adventures; but it's also filled with tragedy and death. This wall reminds us of that. And the lucky ones like me? We have to live with that burden. Knowing what's out there in the shadows… knowing that our children will…"

Leo took a deep breath as he was shaking in fear.

"This is why Percy doesn't want you involved in this, Estelle. He lost more people than I did, and I'm still a mess. I still see myself back at that moment Jason died, thinking it was my fault. That I was too late to save him. It keeps replaying, over and over again! The guilt never goes away!" He kicked one of the garbage cans in frustration. "It's been eating me alive for a long time and I STILL haven't fully recovered from it. If it weren't for therapy, Calypso, and my friends, I'd be in a very dark place right now."

I gave Leo a minute to catch his breath as I looked back at the wall. countless names were on it and it baffles me. So many young lives… taken away so quickly. And what about their mortal parents? Do they even know? How can they even bear this, knowing that the child they loved dearly and fought so hard to protect, died so young.

Suddenly, I saw a familiar name.

"Wait, I know that name. Stephanie Lee. She used to go to school with me and Sam!"

I remember her vividly. She was a bit of a basketcase but she was very pretty despite that. She was always into magic like tarot cards and fortune telling. One time, she and I were partners for a project and she did her best to not interact with me as much as possible. But I had other plans. Eventually, Sam and I started hanging out last year and we became good friends. She never showed up in school again after that. Now I know why…

"Stephanie Lee," Leo said. "Daughter of Hecate, died last year. She was saving her friends, Daniel and Mitch."

My eyes widen as I gasp.

I'm sorry about Mitch. He's… been through a lot last year.

"I heard that Mitch had a crush on her and was going to ask her out afterwards," Leo said. "When I heard the news… I couldn't imagine what was going on in his head."

"…Sam and I knew her. She was our friend… we were gonna make plans for Sophomore year but… she never showed up again…"

"This is what Percy was trying to save you from, Estelle. It's not just that you could die at any moment. There's also a chance you do survive, but your friends won't. Take it from me, Estelle. Dying is a scary thing to face; but it's nothing compared to living with the fact that your friends died, and you lived. You'll either learn to cope with the guilt… or it'll eat you alive."

"But what about you guys?" I said. "How are you able to do this and I can't?"

Leo replied, "This is our fate, Estelle. We fight monsters, gods, titans and giants just so that we can live. Do we get thanks? Does the world know of our struggles and sacrifices? No… and that'll never change. And even if we impressed the gods enough, they still won't bring back anyone from the dead. Not since the Gaia incident."

"So what, I'm just supposed to move on? Accept the fact that monsters exist and that my family is out there fighting for their lives while I'm worrying over school projects and homecoming?"

Leo shrugged, "Fighting monsters and saving the world isn't the problem. The problem is living with it. Living with the fact that no matter how hard you try, you can't save everyone… Not even Superman can do that."

We were silent for a bit as we both kept looking at the wall.

"Look, I know you mean well, kid. But I lost my mom and BOTH of my best friends. Percy lost more people than I can imagine. If he lost you too… He'd never come back."

Leo patted my back and walked back inside to check on the family and Sam. I stood there, facing the wall of all the fallen heroes I never got to meet.

Not just heroes.

Children.

Kids who came to camp not for fun activities, but to survive. To fight monsters and save the world. A world that doesn't know they exist. And the mortal parents? They have to stay and wonder if their children are alive, let alone safe.

And what am I doing? Trying to play hero because I thought I can be just as good as my brother? My first fight was against a drug-lord Manticore; a talking Minotaur; an assassin harpy and the god of monsters himself. And what happened? Hazel and Frank are worn out, Sam is wounded and Percy has been taken. And now Olympus along with the world may be in danger because of me.

All of this because I just wanted to prove myself.

Prove that I'm not some snotty brat or some weak damsel. That I can be just as good as Percy; as Annabeth; as Frank and Hazel. And now, facing this wall of fallen heroes, I ask myself, 'do I even deserve to be called a hero, like them?'

Can I really live up to their standards and save people? Save the world?

…Can I really do this?

Author's Note:

Can anyone let me know if they're seeing these chapters? For some reason, I'm not getting any stats on my stories so I can't tell if it's going through or not.