School has ended for the day, and just as I am about to leave, Todoroki-kun stops me.
"Hey, Hanada-chan! Earlier today, you said that you were going to walk home because your driver resigned from his job. Would you like to ride the train with me instead?"
Of all things, I was not expecting him to say that. Somewhere, I was paranoid that he would find out what I did last night. That he would find out I murdered. That I maligned the name of heroes. I couldn't stop thinking about it. My first kill. It felt … good. Like I avenged some part of myself. Broken bones. Bursts of blood. Screams and shouts. I gave my tormentor my pain of two months in two hours. In the mirror, I could hardly recognize this bloodthirsty, manic version of myself. But instead of terrifying me, it felt welcoming. Like something I had buried so deeply that I had forgotten it ever existed. But now that it was free, I felt complete. Powerful. I didn't want to stop. I was more determined than ever to make those monsters pay for what they did to me. If I had to become a monster myself to do it, then so be it.
"I always commute via train to and from school, and you'll have to walk less if you do to."
But I was also afraid of others finding out. The Hanadas, Pro-Heroes, teachers, classmates. Todoroki-kun. If they learned the truth, without a moment's hesitation, they would throw me into Tartarus. Maybe have me killed in there and cover it up as a suicide. Friend or not, if anyone besides Shigaraki, Kurogiri, Giran, and All-for-One knew of my weekly vendetta, I would suffer. I took such a big risk that now I had to be more careful than ever around everyone else, including Todoroki-kun.
"It's alright. I don't have any problem walking home myself," I smile lightly.
"Are you sure? We spend a lot of time at school, but we really only talk just before class. Not to mention, I don't know much about you and you about me. Arthritis and lacerations can't be all that there is to you, and my strained relationship with my father isn't all that there is to me."
He does have a point. We said that we were friends just a few days ago, but we haven't had much of a chance to really expand on that. More importantly, this will delay my … hours … with the Pro-Hero, if only by a few minutes. "One question. How are you certain I will board the same train as you? I mean, I may live somewhere that does not fall on your daily train's route."
He's silent for a few moments. Then he musters his courage and says, "I looked up the Hanada family on the Internet. Your address came up. It's on the same route as mine."
I'm unimpressed. "So you were stalking me. I thought we made a promise that you would ask me directly if you wanted to know something about me, and I would the same for you."
"We did, I know. And I'm sorry for breaking our promise. I only did it out of good intention. If I knew where you lived, then maybe we could go to school together and go to our homes together."
I bite the inside of my lip. "Alright. You did it out of good intention. I'll accept that. But that doesn't lessen the hurt. Your father is the Number Two hero, so you must already know what it's like when the media knows more than they should. They learn so many things without asking your father, you, or your siblings. It's the same on my side. The media learns details about the Hanadas and their business agreements and alliances before they have decided to release them. There is nothing I can do to stop the media from doing that. That's why I asked you to make that agreement with me. I wanted someone who would learn about me from me. Just me. I figured that someone like you would want the same as well."
"I do. I want the same thing as well. But I'm sorry. It's just not possible to know everything about someone from one source. I mean, you're so secretive yourself. That itself tells me you won't reveal much about yourself to me, so I have limited options here. I didn't-"
Before he can say anything more, I ask one more question. The one that has really been bothering me. "Was this the first time you looked for information about me behind my back, or have you done it more than once? Don't bother lying when so much has been revealed."
He takes a deep breath. "This isn't the first. I was stalking you for the past two days during Lunch to find where you were sitting."
He doesn't need to finish the rest of that statement. "And when you couldn't find me, you coerced it out of me: my invitation for next week." Todoroki-kun has the decency to not refute me.
I need a moment to reign in my emotions. I feel hurt and cheated. But more importantly, I feel like a hypocrite. I just wanted one person to know me without help from any external source and not manipulate me. Apparently, that's too much to ask for. And I'm being hypocritical by asking for that. How is what I am doing much different from what Todoroki-kun is doing. I am coercing the teachers at this school to give their support to the Hanadas. Everything I know about these Pro-Heroes is through the media, an external source, and everything I am doing to garner their favor is a form of manipulation: smooth-talking, stalking, socializing. Hell, I have lied to Todoroki-kun so many times this week, I have lost count. Todoroki-kun is right. He's also right that I am secretive and am careful about what to reveal and what not to reveal. My anger toward Todoroki-kun is unjustified, and I should, will, forgive him, but he doesn't need to know the truth behind my forgiveness. I look at Todoroki-kun in the eyes and summon a calm demeanor. I say, "I forgive you, and I apologize, too. My reaction was extreme. That promise was unrealistic. Everyone learns about others through multiple sources."
He looks visibly relieved. He rubs the back of his neck. "Thank you. And not that you need it, but I appreciate your apology. You're right that our promise was unrealistic. Just take All Might as an example. Everything Japan knows about him is through live footage and interviews. Hardly anyone from the public gets to really talk to him, but we admire him nonetheless. It's through extra sources that you connected me and Endeavor. And it's through extra sources that I found your address and will ask again: Would you like to ride the train with me?"
His blue and grey eyes look hopeful. Just to tease him, I make a show of thinking. I look at him curiously and smirk. It's working. I can see the hope slowly diminish in his eyes. Just before that hope completely vanishes, I speak. "Alright. I'll ride the train with you."
"Did you have to take that long to respond?" he mutters.
My smirk widens. "You were looking so hopeful that I would say, 'Yes.' I simply couldn't resist toying with you." I start walking ahead while he stays put. One last tease. I pause, and I boast louder than necessary, "Oh! Before I forget, I only travel first class!"
"Of course you do!" I hear him boast just as loudly as he catches up to me.