Trigger Warnings:

- suicide

I'm at the base of the League of Villains.

Shigaraki is pinning up charts, newspaper articles, and other papers on his bedroom walls.

Kurogiri is preparing midnight dinner.

All for One, I assume, is doing something.

And I am creating conic section equations.

It's difficult locating the x and y coordinates on a picture of graph paper. And even better, the quality of the picture isn't good. Had I had the graph paper with me, this process would have taken me quarter the time it's taking me now. At the very least, had I had Todoroki-kun's phone number, I could ask him to send me a clearer picture of the paper. But I don't, and my pride won't let me ask him in person either.

I imagine what would happen if I did have his number and asked him. He would send a good-quality picture along with another barb. His barbs are nothing like mine, which are the venom of a serpent. His are razor blades. Small cuts here and there that culminate into greater pain.

For now, I want a reprieve from that accumulating pain. Shoving down all thoughts of things I could have done and things that would have happened, I focus on the equations.

Two hours later, Kurogiri calls both of us down for dinner.

He's prepared a simple meal: three plates of chicken katsu. But it's the tastiest thing I've had in years. My instinct tells me it's because my atmosphere has changed. I couldn't agree more.

While we're eating, Shigaraki and Kurogiri test me on my knowledge of the Sports Festival.

"How many events?" Shigaraki asks.

"Three," I respond.

"Which one remains constant every year?" Kurogiri questions.

"The Battle Tournament."

"Is it the first, second, or third event?"

"Third."

This rapid-fire session continues until Shigaraki asks something opinion-based. "Do you want to participate in the recreational activities between the second and third events?"

I respond to his question with questions of my own. "Hmm? I don't know. Should I? Is there a benefit to them?"

He's quiet for a few moments. "No. Save your energy for the big competition. The only kids who actually do the recreational stuff are those who lost the first and second events."

"I don't intend on losing in the first and second events. Not even the third."

Shigaraki scoffs. "How ambitious."

I smirk. "Pride is my favorite sin. What kind of sinner would I be if I didn't indulge?"

Shigaraki and Kurogiri give me equal expressions of confusion and concern. "I think we've influenced her too much," Kurogiri says. "She's becoming more and more villainous each day. At this rate, she'll surpass you."

I frown as Shigaraki agrees with Kurogiri. "She said she was fourteen, right? And she's already become a serial killer. Well, coming from someone whose first kill was from even younger, I don't think I can exactly comment on that. But she was willing to kill All Might for us."

They're talking about me as if I'm not present. It vexes me. I cough loudly, catching their attention. "Why are you blaming yourselves for my corruption. I thought both of you knew I had killed my morals the night we first met." They're silent, which I take as a sign to continue. "Did you forget what All for One said about me? I wear my pride like armor because that's the only way I know how to cope. And I have so little of it that I show it off as much more. Both of you think that you're the reason I'm so dark. That's not true. I was dark even before I met both of you. Do you have any idea how many times I tried to kill myself over the years? 22 times. The first time was when I was six years old. I tried to drown myself in the swimming pool. It should have been easy because I didn't know how to swim. But a lifeguard jumped in and 'saved' me. Since then, I've tried jumping, slitting, poison, self-starvation, self-dehydration, hanging, and other methods. I failed every damn time, but I would have kept trying.

"That was until you and- That was until you two came into my life. I saw a chance of redemption for myself. Albeit a selfish and fatal cause, I had something to live for. For the longest time, I haven't felt the urge to hold a knife to my wrist or bend over the roof of a building, and for the first time in years, I fought against my abuse. That day it was the Pro-Hero. A few days ago, it was a pervert trying to make a move on me. In a dark and twisted way, you were my saviors. In a dark and twisted way, I am getting my redemption. My revenge."

Both of them stare at me with wide eyes. They're shocked by admission. So am I. I never thought I would call them my saviors or thank them. But here I am overtaken by my suppressed emotions, confessing to things I hadn't even realized until now.

"Both of you and- Both of you brought change into my life. You offered a deal. I proposed a compromise. I kept my emotions out of business for a while. Not only that, but I did everything to meet my end of the arrangement. However, I've felt happier these days than I have felt in ages. I thank you for that. In this life, I might not live for very long, but I will cherish the moments I spent with you."

My last words are sappy. I can feel the redness of embarrassment coloring my cheeks. Meanwhile, Shigaraki and Kurogiri are speechless for a long time.

"Don't say cheesy stuff like that. It's so awkward," Shigaraki grumbles.

"Your welcome, Selene," Kurogiri soothes uncomfortably.

In the last effort to save my dignity, I address Shigaraki's All Might comment. "As for All Might, I can only kill him by trickery. Before the U.S.J. attack, I had challenged All Might to a mock trial of battle. My classmates thought I could have won. Truth is, I had intentionally lost. But that was not all. All Might did not expect me to be able to fight against him for a long period of time. He underestimated me. He was caught by surprise. If he lives up to his Number One title, then he won't make the same mistake again. Despite his weakened state, his victory and my death are assured if I ever have to battle him face-to-face again."

Judging from Shigaraki's and Kurogiri's knowing expressions, it was a weak attempt. "Point noted," they say.

Now thoroughly embarrassed, I trudge up the stairs to the allotted bedroom. My bedroom.

I bury myself under the covers.

But sleep comes much later.

Because all I can think about is the one name I didn't utter at the dining table.

Todoroki-kun.

The one other person who brought rays of happiness in my life.

Another emotion I have been suppressing bursts.

Regret.