A/N And now we get to the weekend where I have many hours and the chapters go back up to their more normal size. Big action sequences also help I guess.
Say goodbye to Mirkwood everyone, this is the last we'll see of it. Onwards to Laketown!
Now all the big dragon-y battle-y stuff is getting close. Shits getting real, folks!
Josephine had never been so excited to have the action start up again. She wasn't really looking forward to their demented family river rafting trip, but she sure as hell was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. The raucous sounds coming from upstairs were like music to her ears and she paced her cell anxiously. There was just one thing missing and it put her on edge.
"Kili!" She hollered across the span. "You haven't been flirting with any redheaded elven women, have you?"
"Red headed elven women?" Dwalin said with a laugh. "Why would he do that?"
Josephine frowned. "Okay well have you seen one? Probably a Captain of the Guard?"
Suddenly Legolas appeared in front of the bars. "And why would you wish to know of her?"
"Come to slum it with us downstairs while the party rages?" She said dryly.
He folded his arms behind his back stiffly. "To ensure you are all in your place." Leaning in slightly he lowered his tone. "I had convinced my father to let you stay in the healer's halls, then I returned from scouting to find you here. What did you do?"
"Nevermind that. Where's Tauriel?" They'd be gone in a matter of hours and if she wasn't around and Fili was still injured…then she had her work cut out for her to fix it.
Legolas stilled, showing his surprise for just a second before responding. "She has just returned from the forest. Why?"
"Jesus, why is so much not on time right now?" She muttered.
"What do you know of Tauriel?" He demanded.
Josephine blinked and shook her head. "Woah there, where did that tone come from?"
"Tell me what it is you know of her fate. There must be a reason why you ask after her."
His cold eyes bore into her, more pressing than they'd been with any questions he'd had about himself. That was when it started to click. "You really do care about her, don't you?
She'd never asked him about Tauriel back home, almost assuming he would've mentioned her if there was anything to mention. Having assumed everything was on the nose to what she'd known, there hadn't been much reason. Thranduil was well against their involvement, it stood to reason nothing came of their…fondness for each other.
"Holy shit, are you in love with her?" She hissed through the bars in a whisper.
He was silent but the awkward shift of his gaze away from her cell was answer enough.
"Okay, okay relax." She reached through the bars and put her hand on his arm, an action that made him flinch so noticeably she pulled back immediately. "Are you two like…together? Does she know? Does your father know?" He'd never told her anything about it, so now she was partially guessing out of interest and partially out of concern for the integrity of the story.
"What have you seen?" He said finally. "Is she safe?"
Like when Elrond asked after Estel's future, Josephine couldn't ignore Legolas' question. "She's as safe as you, as far as I've seen."
He nodded and turned to leave, calling back a few steps past her cell. "I will speak to my father about your accommodations."
When Legolas was out of sight, all the dwarves had their faces pressed against the bars. Fili looked over at her curiously. "What was all that about then?"
"I'm not exactly sure…"
Hours passed and the party raged on, until finally, they heard a familiar voice appear at Thorin's door.
"Bilbo?!" Bofur called out.
"What do you all say we get going, hm?" He said, holding up the ring of keys with a smug smile.
The dwarves started yelling and Bilbo shushed them, hurrying to unlock all their doors one by one. When he got to Josephine's she grinned and gave him a wink.
"Right on time, Bilbo. Down and to the right?" She nodded towards the stairs leading away from the main hall.
"The guards should be asleep by now." He nodded.
In single file they trudged down, Bilbo leading the way with Josephine right behind him.
"This way," He motioned for them to slip across the room, skirting the table that served as the two guards' pillow.
"I don't believe it, we're in their cellars!" Kili snapped at Bilbo as he looked around.
"Ye were supposed to be leadin' us out, not further in!" Bofur added.
"I know what I'm doing!" Bilbo reminded them. "Now come on!"
"Shut up, all of you!" Josephine hissed, eyeballing the elves in the corner and pushing past the dwarves.
It didn't help, they kept arguing even as Bilbo was ushering them into the barrels.
Smacking Bofur on the back of the head as he went to argue again she and Bilbo both looked at Thorin for help. He nodded firmly and ordered the group to do as Bilbo said.
Quickly they shoved themselves into the barrels, Josephine slipped into one of the bottom ones nervously, feeling like she was going to try to go down Niagra falls or something.
"Now what?" Nori asked when they were all settled.
"Uh…Hold your breath?" Bilbo instructed nervously.
Josephine tucked her head into the barrel and waited. First came the click of the lever, then the world began to shift under them and they rolled, fell, and splashed into the river. She couldn't tell which way was up for a second, until a hand grasped the rim of her barrel and Thorin's waterlogged sleeve tipped it to make sure she was okay.
"Where's Bilbo?!" Dwalin called.
"Give him a minute!" She yelled back, then glanced at Thorin. "Hang on tight, this is gonna be a doozy."
"There he is!" Nori yelled as a small splash came from behind them and he dragged Bilbo into his barrel with him.
"Well done Master Baggins." Thorin praised. "Now go! Come on, let's go!"
Their hands pushed them along the rock walls and through the water, until sunlight streamed down at them when they reached the mouth. The mouth, and the waterfall.
"Shit shit shit shit!" Josephine pulled her arms back in as they picked up speed.
"Hold on!" Thorin yelled.
Like the most dangerous log flume she'd ever seen, they went tumbling over the edge, getting soaked to the bone and coming out the other side sputtering and spitting.
And they only started going faster and faster as they entered the rapids. She barely had time to be thankful that Thranduil kept his word before an elf horn blew and from far off she heard Legolas shout to close the gate.
It was rolling shut as they reached the gatehouse and Thorin's barrel slammed into the rusting metal. The barrels stacked up and as she was added to it, one of the elven soldiers fell back into the water behind her.
"Watch out! There's orcs!" Bofur called.
"Get under the bridge!" Thorin ordered as the orcs broke through the elves and started coming after them. But there wasn't enough room for them all.
They were trapped, and bodies fell into the water around them. Naturally, even better, they had no weapons either. No weapons except for Sting, which Bilbo used to kill the nearest orc that was coming for Nori.
This was where Kili would be injured, and if she couldn't count on Tauriel to heal him she couldn't risk him getting hurt. She could see the wheels turning in his head as he glanced up and she called his name. "Kili! Don't you dare!"
She pulled herself out of the barrel and over the dwarves, trying to reach the bank. "I'll go!" If she knew an arrow was coming she'd be more able to avoid it than him. But she also couldn't sit there and argue with him as he followed her.
Dwalin tossed him a weapon he'd pulled off one of the orcs and he scrambled up the bank, catching one at the calf as she grabbed another by the breastplate and used his momentum to swing him into Dwalin's waiting fists.
Grabbing a knife from the belt of Kili's orc she sank it into its back and started climbing the stairs. Two more waited at the landing and Kili sliced the head off one and urged her ahead while Fili threw an ax into the second.
The lever was only feet away and she was almost there when Kili ran past her, just reaching for the lever when a dark line shot through the air and stuck him in the leg. He froze in surprise for a moment as she dispatched the last orc in their way.
"Kili!" Fili yelled.
He tried to reach for the lever but fell back in pain and Josephine couldn't reach it in time before another orc came over the ridge at them, sword raised to finish Kili off.
But then another arrow flew, gold with white fletching, and struck the orc in the chest.
Josephine took the opportunity to jump over Kili and throw all her weight on the lever, only then looking over her shoulder to see Legolas with his bow raised and a flash of green and red behind him as Tauriel knocked an arrow of her own. Maybe things weren't as off as she thought.
She spun over the walkway, cutting through the next round of orcs that would've overtaken them. It was enough of a distraction that the gate opened and the barrels began to move again.
Fili was gripping the bank and holding onto Kili's empty barrel. "Come on!"
"Let's go." Josephine grabbed Fili by the arm and half shoved him over the edge of the bridge into the barrel. He screamed as the arrow snapped and the water surged, sending the last of them over the falls.
"Oh fuck me." She was still standing on the bridge.
"Josephine!" One of them called, too muffled by the water for her to make out who.
"It'll be fine, you'll be fine. It's just water." She lied to herself, sliding over the edge of the bridge and launching herself feet first down the falls.
She tucked her elbows in and took a deep breath, letting the current take her with no other option except recapture. Submerged completely, she lost her bearings, stuck for what felt like hours under the water before popping back up to the surface.
"I've got her!" She heard Dwalin yell right as he grabbed her cloak and hoisted her into his barrel.
She leaned over the edge and coughed. Waterfall after waterfall sent them spilling over the rocks. The banks were a mess of orcs and the trees were filled with elves. They were shooting at each other and everyone was shooting at the dwarves.
The dwarves, in all their dish tossing synchronized glory collected orc weapons as they went, passing them back and forth to deal with the threats as they came.
Josephine, who wasn't a perfectly synchronized dwarf, was nearly dumped out of the barrel every other second and was too busy gripping the rope tied around the rim of the barrel to make sure she didn't fall out.
Her plight wasn't helped when Legolas flew off a fallen log and planted one foot on Oin's head and one on Dwalin's head.
"Show off!" She yelled, unable to not be at least a little amused by his more familiar habits.
He jumped and turned around, drawing another arrow and glancing down at her with a frustrated shake of his head. Then he was gone again, gliding over the bank, hopping across to the other side and cutting through the orcs like butter. She watched when she could, clamoring at the constraints of the barrel when he didn't see and orc coming at him from behind.
"Legolas!"
But as she said it, Thorin let an ax fly and the orc fell.
She could tell he'd reached the edge of the Woodland Realm when he stopped there and let the orcs continue.
The banks began to rise and become impassable on foot, eventually the orc party was left behind and nearly an hour later the river began to calm and the bank came down again.
"Anything behind us?" Thorin asked.
"Not that I can see." Balin replied.
Bofur popped up out of his barrel, spitting water over the side. "I think we've outrun the orcs!"
"Not for long, we've lost the current." Thorin was trying in vain to control his barren with a branch he'd collected along their way. "Make for the shore!"
They fumbled to the rocks and Oin pulled her out of the barrel by the shoulders while Dwalin heaved her by the legs. She sloshed up the shore, shivering, but hurrying to where Kili had sat down, pressing a cloth to his leg.
His face was screwed up in pain and Bofur hovered by him with Fili but when he saw her coming he sobered. "I'm fine. It's nothing."
"On your feet." Thorin ordered the company.
"Kili's wounded." Bofur argued. "His leg needs binding."
Josephine grabbed the end of his scarf and unwound it from his neck, kneeling down beside Kili and trying to wrap his leg while her hands shook.
"There's an orc pack on our tail, we keep moving. Bind his leg, quickly. We have two minutes."
Her hands were going numb and she kept dropping the scarf until Fili nudged her aside and took over. "Let me."
"Ye'r shiverin' like a leaf."Dwalin's voice grumbled behind her, hoisting her back to her feet. "Alright lass, off with it." He unclasped her sopping cloak and threw it to the side, then before she could argue he had his arms locked around her and her face ended up pressed right next to his armpit.
The smell made her eyes water and she pushed at him. "Christ, Dwalin!" He wouldn't let up and she kicked him in the shin. "Let go!"
Dwalin laughed at her vain attempts and held on tighter.
"Get off me you fucking-"
His laugh deepened, at least, until an unfamiliar voice cut through the air.
"I suggest you do as she says."
They all spun to face the river's mouth and found Dwalin to be very much in the sights of a very large bow. Lit from behind they couldn't make out his features but Josephine could put the pieces together well enough for herself.
Dwalin did let go of her, but quickly pushed her behind him instead. "Now look here ya-"
"Release her." Bard tugged the string on his bow just a little tighter and took a few steps towards them, careful not to relinquish his high ground. "Now."
Before things could get any more misjudged and heated, Josephine shoved Dwalin out of her way and took a few steps towards him. "Don't let them fool you, they're big softies."
"Be that as it may, their treatment of you leaves something to be desired. Are you in need of assistance?" He lowered his bow as she came closer but kept it notched.
"I can handle this lot, trust me." She said tiredly, crossing her arms to try and get warm. For all the stench, she did miss how warm Dwalin was.
"That barge, it wouldn't be for hire, would it?" Balin stepped forward, earning a quick shift in Bard's aim.
Several long, tense moments passed before Bard lowered his bow, looking them all over long enough to realize they were more of a pack of drowned rats than threats. He sighed and with a shake of his head turned to see to the barrels that were slowly drifting towards the dock.
"What makes you think I would help you?" Bard asked them, loading the barrels while they waited on the dock.
Fili had taken Dwalin's place and thrown his arm around her to try and warm her up while she stuffed her hands into her arms.
"Those boots have seen better days. As has that coat." Balin bargained. "No doubt you have some hungry mouths to feed. How many bairns?"
"A boy and two girls." Bard responded, looking at them warily as he stowed the next barrel.
"And ye'r wife, I imagine she's a beauty."
Josephine frowned as Bard looked up at the sky. "Aye," then turned to them with a furrowed brow. "She was."
Balin's bargaining tone dropped. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Oh come on, enough with the niceties." Dwalin complained.
"What's your hurry?" Bard asked, overhearing.
Dwalin, content standing on a boulder several feet above the docks answered, "What's it to you?"
"I would like to know who you are, and what you are doing in these lands."
"We are simple merchants from the Blue Mountains." Balin lied. "Journeying to see our kin in the Iron Hills."
Bard bought none of it. "Simple merchants you say? And what of her?" He nodded to Josephine. "You mean to tell me she's a merchant as well?"
"Nay, she's not, ye'r right. We're escorting' her to her husband, you see. He's a tanner, lives just outside Hammerstead."
Still skeptical, Bard looked over at her. "Is this true?"
"He went on ahead to build our homestead, we hail from Bree, if you know it."
Thorin was growing impatient just like Dwalin and interjected. "We need food, supplies, weapons. Can you help us?"
Bard still didn't believe them, but he could pretend to just enough to make some coin. He brushed his hand over one of the deep nicks in their mountain transports. "I know where these barrels came from."
"What of it?" Thorin asked warily.
Bard smirked and gave a shake of his head. "I don't know what business you had with the elves, but I don't think it ended well. No one enters Laketown but by leave of the Master. All his wealth comes from trade with the Woodland Realm. He would see you in irons before risking the wrath of King Thranduil."
"Offer him more." Thorin mouthed to Balin.
"I'll wager there are ways to enter that town unseen." Balin added.
"Aye." Bard agreed. "But for that, you'd need a smuggler."
"For which we would pay. Double."