There is an underlying current of tension during dinner.
Every one feels it, but no one acknowledges it.
The circular mahogany table is laden with dishes, both Eastern and Western, and cutlery consists of chopsticks and silverware.
It's a magnificent feast, indeed, but I can't savor it as much as I would like to.
Casual conversation occurs amongst all of us. Hanada-chan's brothers strike up a discussion with me, my brother and sister swarm her with questions. Our dads listen patiently, only speaking up when they want to point out something in the food or ask a question unrelated to the current topic. They ask the typical stuff: our ages, where we interned, what our hobbies are, what we hate about school and our teachers … all the typical dad questions. They've discussed what they really wanted to talk about, this is just formality.
Endeavor gets up and asks for the directions to the washroom. Hanada-chan offers to show him. But when they don't return after a few minutes, I make an excuse about needing to go and enter the hallway that I saw them pass through. Their voices are distant, but as I edge closer, they become clearer. I peek around the corner. Using the washroom was just an excuse. They're standing in the middle of the hallway, and I don't see any washroom nearby.
"I'm sure my son has told plenty about me to you. Mostly bad things, I wager," I hear my dad say. She says nothing, waiting for him to continue. "What do you think of me?"
"What should I think of you?" Hanada-chan answers his question with her own.
"Tell me why you think you are a good friend for my son. What do you gain from befriending him?"
I step forward to interrupt this interrogation, but stop midway. She backs a step to rest against the wall. As she crosses her arms, she smiles. "I know I come off as a selfish person. In fact, I am. But the camaraderie I have with Todoroki-kun is the most selfless thing I have done. Believe me when I say that I did not approach him on my father's orders. He approached me first, offering to be friends. I accepted. What I gain from this relationship is a partner whom I can trust to keep a secret, share my feelings and passions, and not hide so much of myself from. In him, I have found safety. A sanctuary. You'll have to ask him if I have the same significance to him as he has for me."
You do. Dad speaks again. "Sweet words. You know how to tell someone exactly what they want to hear. That's why I don't trust that you're telling the truth. Shouto must have badmouthed me in front of you many times. And yet you still choose to spend time with him. Why? Are you not afraid of what I might do?"
How dare you! As if I'll let you threaten my best friend and get away with it. I'm barely keeping my temper in check, but Hanada-chan has more self-control than I do. "Sir, from what Todoroki-kun has told me, I am wary of you. I do not hate you like he does, but I definitely do not like you. I have every reason to be afraid of you, but I also have every reason not to stay away from your son," she declares with a calm but bold confidence. "It's a gamble. Do I choose to cower or take my chances? I choose the third option: not give you a cause to complain and keep my friendship with Todoroki-kun maintained."
"What makes you think you can achieve both?"
"And what makes you think that you have the right to talk to my friend like that?" I interrupt, finally having had enough. "We are her guests at her home. By what rules of etiquette is it proper to insult our hostess like this?" There is a lot more I want to say, but I don't want to make a scene. Never breaking our eye contact with Endeavor, I reach for Hanada-chan and escort her back to the dining room. She remains silent the entire time, not willing to break the fragile peace. Even when we take our seats, she says nothing.
But when it's time for Dad, my siblings, and I to leave, she pulls me aside into an alcove. After checking that no one else is around, she whispers, "Thank you for getting me out of there."
"It's fine. He was being rude, and I can't tolerate anyone being rude to people special to me. I think he was testing you, despite the private talk he had with your father. I'm guessing he was impressed because …" I fish for a pen and paper in my coat pocket. "He wants you to … No. I would love it if you could celebrate the New Year's with me. From the 1st of January to the 3rd." I scribble an address and time and tear the slip of paper for her. "I know it's really early, but I want to see the sunrise with you."
Confused, she takes the paper and asks, "Your father approves? He wants me to spend the New Year's with you?"
My cheeks pink, and I rub the back of my neck subconsciously. "Well, he didn't say anything after I barged in, so I'm simply being optimistic. New Year's is my idea. If you're willing and your family allows you, join me."
She's more puzzled than before. "Why me?"
I smile softly. "If you come, I'll answer."
Endeavor calls for me. She passes me a gift bag and bids me goodbye. "I'll try."
Happy, I pluck a white rose from her hair and tuck it into my front coat pocket.
It's 6:30 a.m.
I'm waiting for Hanada-chan at the top of a hill.
It's dark, cold, and isolated, and the smell of winter permeates the air.
About fifteen minutes later, the sound of feet crunching upon pine needles and snow arouses my attention.
She trudges up the snow-covered dirt path to where I stand. Seeing her breath cloud from exhaustion, I help her the rest of the way up. She takes a moment to stretch her neck and back, and an audible cracking sound emanates. We wince simultaneously and then laugh.
"How much longer until the sun rises?" she asks once she relaxes.
"Five more minutes. Did your father give you permission?"
"Well … I snuck out."
"What?"
She grins and explains that she was too nervous to ask him, so she floated herself down the veranda and boarded the early morning train. "I've been up since 4 a.m. I need to be back by 8 or else he will notice that I'm missing."
"Don't worry. I won't take up too much of your time," I assure, kind of impressed that she of all people would pull a stunt like that.
We remain silent and watch the sky turn from midnight black to fig purple to a cerulean blue. A thin line of peach orange appears, and soon after the peak of the sun emerges. Soon, all shades of blues and purples are replaced with vivid reds, fiery oranges, bright yellows, and blush pinks. "It's beautiful," Hanada-chan whispers in awe, and I couldn't agree more. Making the sight more dazzling is the fleck of white dimly lit some distance from the sun. Like the moon wants to welcome the new year, too.
"You asked me why I brought you here," I say suddenly, snapping her out of her daze. "There's something I've wanted to tell you for a long time." She listens quietly, urging me to continue. I clasp her hands in my own and massage them. "After the Sports Festival, I had a new hero costume commissioned. It's a two-piece suit, and it exposes both my arms, both sides of my face. I realized many things: I can embrace fire and make it my own; Endeavor was not my greatest obstacle, I was; and most importantly, I can be a better person than him. There were a lot of people who made me understand these. All Might, Bakugou, Midoriya, Mom, Natsuo, Fuyumi, and even Dad, as much as I hate to admit it. And you."
She looks at me with those mirror eyes. I can see myself reflected in them. "Hanada-chan, you understood me in a way that no one ever had. I don't mean to say that Mom and my siblings were never there for me, but you supported me in a way that family never can. You never judged me, never discouraged me. You had no reason to be involved in my unresolved issues, but still you took the time to listen and care. You respected me for who I am, but I've failed to do the same for you." Her expression changes from contemplation to puzzlement. My grip slides from her hands to her forearms. "I've hurt you countless times, intentionally and unintentionally. I know I've apologized to you, but you deserve better. And I want to do just that. New Years symbolizes a new beginning, a new chance. People make resolutions and break them weeks later …" I grasp her upper arms. She leans into the touch. "But I won't do that. Hanada-chan.
"More than once I have used force with you: shouting at you, pinning you to a wall, ordering you to remain quiet, gripping you too hard, and much more. Just because I am male does not give me any right to dominate you. I tried my best not to treat you like Dad did to Mom, but still I hurt you. So today, with the first sunrise marking the beginning of the new year, I want to make a promise to you. Never will I be harsh with you. Never will I trap you or use force with you. I will respect your boundaries, your wishes. If you want to talk, I'll listen. If you want a shoulder to lean on, I'll give it to you. If you're ever afraid or want to cry, I'll stay by your side to comfort you. You make me want to be a better person, Hanada-chan, so if you'll give me a chance, I'd like to start our friendship on a new chapter. Properly, this time."
I curse myself when she cries. "No, no, please don't berate yourself," she hiccups through her tears. "You've always been a good person, Todoroki-kun. A much better person than I have ever been or will be. It's just … your words just now tugged at my heartstrings. They mean a lot to me. You're the first person to have cared this much about me. If it's a second chance you want, I will gladly give it to you. But I request that you grant me the same. I've made plenty of mistakes over the course of our friendship, too; the fault is not only yours. I'm secretive and a liar. On more than one occasion, I hid things from you. I'd like to be more honest with you from now on. It will take me time to open up about my trauma and my childhood, but I hope that I can tell you, and … and you won't think less of me."
"Why would I ever think less of you?"
She says nothing, and I don't push her.
In mutual silence, we stare at the sunrise, anticipating what this new year will bring for us.