I open my eyes and immediately shut them because of the bright sunlight outside.

How long have I been asleep for?

I recall the events leading up to now.

It is early June now.

Many things have happened in the week since … since the gazebo.

According to Aizawa-sensei, those who failed at least one part of the exams would not attend the summer retreat, but that was an obviously calculated lie to push the students to do their best. Those who failed were excited to go, but they also dreaded the extra course load that would await them. Most of my classmates decided to go shopping together to celebrate. Midoriya invited me, but I told him that I had other duties, primarily visiting Mom. Then I heard that Shigaraki had the guts to walk around the mall and had a conversation with Midoriya, while threatening to take his life. The police were informed, heroes were alerted. And U.A. decided to change the location of the summer retreat and keep it a secret from the students.

So here we were now. Twenty-one teenage students and one exhausted teacher sharing a bus, going God knows where. Not a single seat was left unoccupied. Normally, the back of the bus would be causing a ruckus, the middle would be having conversation-level discussions, and the front would be quiet as a grave. Not this bus, though. Raucous laughter and shouts erupted everywhere. The mayhem started no less than five minutes into the ride, and Selene-chan frowned before pulling out her thermos and a book from her bag.

I was sitting next to her. "Are you all right? Is your agoraphobia worsening?"

She nodded and replied, "Knowledge is power. Ignorance is bliss. But right now, bliss seems like a wonderful option. Class 1-A is not exactly known for its calmness. I figured that things would become very uncomfortable for me soon into the bus ride, so I brought these in the hope that they would bring some relief."

"Actually, I think this would be a good opportunity to try getting out of your comfort zone a little." She looked at me, puzzled. "I'm not telling you to be as boisterous as everyone else. In fact, I would be more than concerned if all of a sudden you were. I'm just thinking that you can try having a conversation with me while imagining everything else as background noise." She looked away now and wrung her hands. "I want to help you, Selene-chan. Fear can be debilitating, and in the world of heroes, that can determine loss or victory. I know that loud sounds remind you of how close people are to you, and that people physically too close disturbs you. But you trust me, right?" She nodded again. "So trust me on this. We're future Pro-Heroes, Selene-chan. We devote our lives to the people. There will come many times when we have to interact with others. Remember, that's why Aizawa-sensei paired us for the practical exam. We're independent workers. But throughout the school year, I've come to realize how it necessary it is to be self-reliant but also have the capability to cooperate and strategize with others.

"Maybe it's because Dad works mostly solitary, too. He goes on very few joint missions, and even then, it's only with his employees. As much as I loathe to say it, I guess some of his ideology rubbed off on me."

"To work solitary?" she asked.

"Yeah. It'd be inaccurate to say that my thinking now has changed drastically. I still lean toward acting independently. But I've experienced the advantages and disadvantages to working in groups. And I cannot ignore them. The idea does not feel as tiresome to me anymore."

"That's good to hear … but what does it have to do with facing my agoraphobia?"

"How much do you know about your fear? Like, tell me what exactly you feel and how it's triggered. I know I have some idea, but I want to hear it from you."

She hesitated, but answered anyway. "People confuse agoraphobia as being a fear of open spaces or closed spaces. But really, it's more complex than that. It is the fear of being unable to escape any such space. Repeated panic attacks occurring in particular situations condition the victim to stress being in any similar situation again. The feeling of being trapped and utterly helpless induces severe anxiety, which often leads to another panic attack. In my case, it is being around people that agitates me. My arthritis played a role in this fear. I have told you before that I have trauma regarding touch. So when there are loud sounds, limited space, crowds, or anything else that implies a congregation of humans, my anxiety is alerted. I feel like I will be touched everywhere, and I cannot do anything to resist. After all, what can a cripple do? I fear that they touch me with the intent to hurt me."

I reached for her hands and gently rubbed them. "And does my touch make you feel like I want to hurt you?"

"... No. It feels reverent and caring. Like you value me for more than just my face and body."

Her answer felt like fireworks burst inside me. "I do. And I want you to know that, too. You're infinitely more than just flesh and womanhood. You're the adopted daughter of a businessman, so surely you've shaken hands and talked with other heirs and heiresses."

She smiled sadly. "If only the intention was to befriend me for myself and to befriend them for themselves. There were hidden motivations on both sides."

"Still. You have initiated touch and been touched, and yet you made it through those idle chats without breaking a sweat. And look at you now. You just had an entire conversation with me. For ten minutes, amongst all this chattering, amongst all these people, you talked to me about your fears without ever being afraid. That's progress."

Her eyes widened at the observation. "I suppose … that's true." But maybe I shouldn't have pointed it out and let our discussion flow. Because she leaned against her seat, preparing to rest. "I think I need a break. Thank you for coaxing me to become a little brave, but I don't think I have the stamina to continue any more."

"Don't let me stop you."

She smiled, put the thermos and book away, and shut her eyes for a long nap.

I feel asleep soon after.

My eyes have finally acclimated to daylight.

But they have not grown accustomed to the sight before me.

At some point during our naps, Selene-chan's shifted positions. Instead of leaning against the headrest of the bus seat, she was leaning against me. Her head was nestled in my shoulder. More importantly, I reached for her, too. My head was resting above hers when I awoke, cradling hers perfectly.

Now, I don't know what to do. I should probably move away. We're really close. Physically and subconsciously. Otherwise, two people don't just gravitate toward each other like planets and moons in their sleep. Then again, I might not be a planet, but she's always been my moon.

Selene-chan runs away from her fear, but I'm running away from myself. From the feelings I have for her. Doesn't that make me a hypocrite? I lift my head just enough to stare at her properly. Her full-sleeve winter uniform and gloves look out of place in the summer heat. Everyone, including me, is wearing their summer uniforms with short sleeves. But still, she looks amazing. Eyes lidded, twitching ever so slightly in a dream. Nose wrinkling occasionally in response to the smell of teenagers and puberty. Lips parting once in a while to mutter incomprehensible words.

Since I realized that I loved her, I have been so confused with what to do. My goal at U.A. was to pursue my ambitions. Work hard, become a Pro-Hero, rebel Dad, make a name for myself. Making a friend was never part of the plan. But I did make one anyway. Wanting to know my friend, wanting to spend time with my friend were things I never considered doing. But I did, regardless. Saving my friend, my friend saving me, and having fun with my friend were thoughts that had seemed ridiculous to me. But I did enjoy myself with her. And perhaps the most preposterous thought was being desperately in love with my friend. It was a fantasy to me. But I did.

That night, I realized that I wasn't just falling for you, I had fallen for you. So just when did I start falling? Was it when you were abducted and missing for days? Was it when I asked you to be my valentine? Was it when you gave me the happiest birthday of my life? Or was it further back than that? When you saved me from my darkest thoughts at the Sports Festival? You didn't judge me for crying. In fact, you encouraged me to let them flow. I was at my most vulnerable then, and you didn't take advantage of it. I don't know just when you started to occupy a space of my heart. Maybe I never will.

All I know is that these feelings scare me. I don't know how to love. Mom was sent to the hospital when I was just a little boy, Dad abused me to hone my quirk, my siblings were kept separate from me because 'they were not like me.' Never having a proper loving figure in my life, I don't know how I can give love and expect love in return. And I tried asking, too. Approaching Dad about my love life was out of the question. Mom understandably didn't know how to help me. Natsuo was unhelpfully vague about he and his girlfriend got together. "It just happened. Destiny, I guess," he had said. Fuyumi tried her best, and I guess I could do something with her response. She told me, "Love is such a misunderstood emotion. Movies and books tell us that it feels like rose petals blowing in a breeze or a tempest of fire and storms. But I think it depends on the person. Sure, for some it feels gentle and for others it feels like a blaze. But love comes in so many forms, it would be wrong to try to simplify it."

My love for her doesn't feel like wind or flames. I won't even say that it was meant to be. But I guess it just feels … right. Her company is pleasant, her personality is multifaceted, her origins come from a well-to-do family. I just feel like I need her. Like how a blossom of the dark needs the moon to bloom. The flowers at the gazebo - the lotuses, water lilies, and moonflowers - those were all flowers that only unfurled in the dark. Unique in that they only revealed their beauty in the night. My past … it is dark. The light of day was never enough to penetrate deep into my heart … into my soul. But what the sunlight could not do, the moonlight did. A girl … with a past just as dark and dreary as mine … pierced me with her serene glow. Because of her, I changed for the better. The darkness in me can never go away, and the light of the moon accepts that.

A wayward black tendril falls onto her face, making her nose crinkle prominently. Like it is the most natural thing to do, my hand rises to push the tendril behind her ear. My finger loops and twirls it, like it is the most priceless treasure in the world. I should let go. Of her hair, of her proximity to me, of my emotions for her. But I cannot. And this war between what I should do and what I want to do is what terrifies me.

I should let our relationship remain as just best friends, but I want to pursue a more intimate relationship with her. I should respect her secrets, but I want to know absolutely everything about her. I should keep my distance with her, limit my physical interactions with her, but I want to memorize the texture of her hair, the smoothness of her skin, the points of her ears, the scars she keeps hidden beneath fabric and gauze, the inky depths of her eyes and every emotion that swirls within them, and the softness of her lips. That night, I wanted to bridge the gap between our lips. I had wanted to kiss her right then and there and pour all my love into that kiss. And yet that was what snatched me back into reality. I left her there with an unbelievable excuse because I was ashamed. She didn't know that I loved her, and it would have been wrong to do that to her. Even if by some miracle she felt a trace of what I felt for her, I should have asked for her permission to kiss her. Because even though I am inexperienced in love, I know this much: using force is the vilest thing to do in any relationship. Since then, my interactions with her switched from camaraderie to avoidance. I warred with myself again and again. Even now, I am warring with myself.

I release her hair.

You deserve so much better than I can give you.

You deserve so much better than I am giving you.

I'm sorry, Selene.

I have no right to love you, but I do so much.