At the start of the school year, I used to be sleep-deprived because I stayed up every night talking with Shigaraki and Kurogiri.
Now, I am sleep-deprived because my trauma will not let me sleep.
Thus, I have to be slothful during school hours.
Even now, I hover in the realm between reality and dreamscape. It's not that I'm not trying my best to focus on what is currently happening. A task as menial as that is just very tiresome to me at the moment. My thoughts wander to a clandestine scuffle many nights ago.
I had eavesdropped Bakugou-kun mutter to Midoriya-san to meet him after everyone fell asleep. Of course, that meant I stayed up. Call it curiosity or intuition, I had a feeling that I would learn something important. And given my latest problems falling asleep, might as well make most of the opportunity.
The two of them walked on a dark, dim road. I trailed behind a good distance, masking myself in shadows. They were quiet the entire time, but I was patient. Finally, they stopped at Ground Beta - the location of the Mock Battle that took place a year ago. Abandoned buildings lined the streets. I levitated myself to the roof of one of them. From my vantage point, I could easily see and hear the boys, but they could not notice me.
Bakugou-kun narrated a monologue. Reminiscing about the past, releasing his envy, pointing out inconsistencies, his failure, and the revelation that I suspected and knew for a long time: Midoriya-san inherited his quirk from All Might. Assumingly, he was quirkless before encountering the Number One Hero. Midoriya-san's silence was enough of a confirmation. Though, what was more intriguing was the process by how Bakugou-kun deduced this conclusion. He was closely paying attention to All for One's abilities. The gain and transferal of quirks, the Pussycat forced to retire due to her missing quirk, the plethora of power in the noumu. Bakugou-kun even concluded that All Might and All for One knew each other from before.
To most people, the only way to have a quirk is to inherit it by one's birthparents. Passed down by blood. But with my own quirk, which enabled me to take others' abilities without rendering them quirkless, the idea of there being another method of inheritance was not so far-fetched. I was impressed that the same notion came to Bakugou-kun. He even mentioned how both the beloved former hero and notorious villain were similar in this respect.
I knew Bakugou-kun was clever behind all that anger. No one can rank first on an entrance exam and a national event without having a sharp brain.
"If you hear the truth, how is that going to help you?" Midoriya-san asked, tentatively, only affirming the undeniable.
Bakugou-san was quiet for a moment. Then he spoke. "You and me both … we always looked up to All Might and aspired to be like him. The guy who I always thought was a damn pebble on the side of the road … before I knew it, he was acknowledged by the person I looked up to most. And that's why you're gonna fight me! Right here, right now!" Perhaps that declaration should have surprised me. But my curiosity and intrigue were too prevalent to be superseded by shock. Midoriya-san protested, demanding an explanation and a retreat from the battle. Bakugou-san retorted calmly with, "I want to confirm what's so great about you that All Might himself would go that far for you." It was his next statement, though, that revealed a tinge of raw emotion. "If your aspiration was so much greater than mine, then does that mean my aspirations were wrong the whole time?"
Now whatever interest I had disappeared. This was a battle of male egos, and while they are entertaining sometimes, they were disappointing more frequently. Most women would agree. And I was not feeling too invested in one at the moment. The sounds of smashes, punches, kicks, and barrages echoed and vibrated all around. No meaningful words were spoken that would compel me to contemplate. I was not looking. I had turned away from them to lie on my back and stare at the dark clouds. Pondering. Analyzing.
Power is much easier to acquire than it is to hold on to.
And who would know that better than me?
What with All Might having retired, this country is in pandemonium. The people blindly put so much faith and trust in one person, they neglected the bitter truth that all empires rise and fall. All Might's legacy was one such empire. 'Symbol of Peace.' The hero with the smile of hope. He started carving his name shortly after enrolling at U.A. and turned 49 this year. For over thirty years, Japan devoted their hearts to him. Thirty years to construct this empire. An empire that has influence overseas. Even in England, his name came up often.
But like all empires, an heir was selected to carry on the mighty legacy. Midoriya-san. From what Bakugou-kun has said since the start of school, Midoriya-san was originally quirkless. Around the time the Sludge Monster incident took place, he must have crossed paths with All Might and appealed to him positively. Just a few days ago, I implemented the One for All quirk and almost died. Midoriya-san must have honed his physique and increased the endurance and strength of his body to handle such an unpredictable, lethal ability. The time between the Monster and the U.A. common entrance exam was approximately one year. Assuming that increasing one's corporal capacity in all criteria could enable anyone to be physically ready for the overwhelming power, it must have taken Midoriya-san around one year. But the problem is that with my debilitated body, it would take longer than a year to be able to handle One for All. Two years? Three? My estimate is five. I don't have that kind of time on my hands.
Additionally, One for All seems to be the kind of quirk that requires the will of the owner and the recipient. Otherwise, All for One would have stolen this ability long ago. It takes an opportunist to know an opportunist. But I am the anomaly. Unintentionally, I violated that rule. All Might, Midoriya-san, and Bakugou-kun do not know that there is a third wielder of this revolutionary ability. Granted, I am too weak to use it. Nonetheless, this fact changes the game. The empire that All Might built has crumbled, but his name still runs rampant. The public is hesitant of Endeavor, but his deeds do not go unnoticed. A massive transition is occurring. People embrace and loathe change, a truth no one likes to admit because change ushers hope and doubt. A paradoxical, disturbing combination.
A new empire without All Might is rising, but the League of Villains will crush it before it can grow. I will crush it. And if that means that these two ambitious boys unleashing their rivalry must die, so be it.
Clangs and the sound of bone breaking rung.
A strange girl appears in my periphery. Dully, I look at her. Without saying a word, she radiates chipperness and positivity. I swear, I can see an aura of yellow, curlicue beams around her. Instantly, what little energy and patience I had is depleted. She chitters about something. Her words are gibberish to my ears. When I don't reply, her effervescent smile drops, and she moves to the next student.
I was still in the midst of my reverie when something Bakugou-kun exclaimed caught my attention: "WHY DID I BECOME THE REASON FOR ALL MIGHT'S END?!" I looked back at the boys. Smoke and dust billowed in murky clouds. The stench of sweat and burnt objects reeked. But what really piqued me was the look of utter defeat in Bakugou-kun's eyes. "If I had been stronger," he chokes. "If I hadn't been kidnapped by the villains, then none of that would have ever happened! I tried to keep All Might a secret! I couldn't tell anybody! But even though I tried not to think about it, the slightest accident would make it all come flooding out. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I SHOULD DO!" Midoriya-san, now understanding why he was in this situation at all, urged Bakugou-kun to vent his feelings at him. Both of them released simmering emotions for years at each other with their attacks and words.
Meanwhile, I ignored them again for the sky. At least, I tried to. Bakugou-kun's vastly different reaction to ordeal nipped at me like a thorn. I suppose it's only fair that he feels responsible for catalyzing the downfall of the empire. Although, the destabilization was pending for a much longer time. All Might was very weak before his confrontation with All for One. And if my suspicions are right, then it was the two of them responsible for each other's physical states. All for One, the news, and Bakugou-kun practically confirmed as much.
But Bakugou-kun blames himself, and solely himself, for All Might's demise. Honestly, it is a demise. The empire can never return to its former glory. The metaphorical 'Symbol of Peace' is as good as dead. Should I feel guilty, too? After all, there were two students who supposedly had to be saved that night, not just one. Yet, I don't. Not in the slightest. The thought never even crossed my mind. Perhaps because I have been saving all my regrets and repents for a particular someone, I have no room to reserve for anyone else. Then again, I was ready to kill All Might at the U.S.J. Still am, though I hold no particular grudge against the man.
No. That's not right. I do. I do hold a grudge against All Might. He preached about saving the lives of every innocent with a smile. But he forgot that crimes and accidents are not the only threats to a person's life. Sometimes, violence exists from within. Sometimes, the person themself is the greatest threat. All Might was narrow-minded. He focused on protecting people from villains and falling infrastructure, while neglecting the people facing their own demons and abusive homes.
He goes on and on about how villains are scum, but not once does he question why we turned out the way we were. How would he react if he knew that the colleagues he puts so much trust in committed foul sins behind closed doors? That his comrades are scummier than scum? What if he knows, but chooses to wear a blindfold? Then that would make him the most hypocritical of heroes. All for One entrusted his legacy onto Shigaraki. Shigaraki will forge a new empire. One day it will fall, but it will leave its mark on history evermore.
Suddenly, everything quieted. Glancing back, I saw through the haze that Bakugou-kun had Midoriya-san pinned to the ground. The battle was over, and a victor was decided.
My head falls into the cushion of my arms. I start to doze, but then some rude imbecile shakes me. The voice is hazy. I cannot identify its owner. Nonetheless, I push the owner's hand away and grumble something along the lines of, "Let the corpse sleep in peace, lest you want her to return as an onyro."
A long chuckle emanates. That much I can detect in spite of being in the twilight zone. "Really?" the master of the chuckle teases. "And what would you take revenge for? For waking you to tell you that we have to go to Gym Gamma?"
I mutter, "Precisely. I will seek vengeance for disrupting my sleep. I even have the hair and a deformity to look like one. Not to mention my Devil persona. The cadaver wants to remain in endless sleep. Do not disturb."
For a long time, silence resounds. It feels like a blessing. But just when sleep is about to overcome me, something lifts my arms and loops one around. My eyes fly open, and I crash into something solid and soft. Out of instinct, I push at the solid-soft something. It topples over, bringing me with it. A yelp of surprise escapes my throat as the hard floor rushes toward my face. I shut my eyes before I make impact.
Strangely, I never do. Hesitantly, I open my eyes. White fabric and fair skin greet my gaze. Groggily, I lift myself up. All the answers to my unspoken questions arrive, too. It was Shouto-kun trying to rouse me from my stupor earlier. It was him who shocked me into awakeness with that tug. It was him that carried me from my seat. And it was his body that took the brunt of the fall and cushioned me. All vestiges of slumber disappear. I climb up on my hands and feet quickly, eyes darting to ensure that no one else is present. Thank goodness, no one is.
"I-I-I'm sorry!" I stammer, trying to get a sense of my bearings. I try to stand, but my foot snag on one of the legs of the chair, tripping me on top of his chest again. "Again! I apologize sincerely!" Frantically, I scramble to create some distance between us.
Shouto-kun says something, but it goes through one ear and out the other. I consider shoving the chair away when Shouto-kun grabs my face with both hands and commands, "Calm. Down. Selene. It's. Okay."
I stop moving entirely. He sighs at my frozen posture. "I said to calm down, but you're more tense now. Fine. But please listen to me. The upperclassmen want us to meet in Gym Gamma for a demonstration. To show how much of an effect work studies have on hero experience."
I stare at him blankly. Upperclassmen? Demonstration? Work Studies? Hmm? Just what did I miss?
My questions must be conspicuous as permanent marker because Shouto-kun shakes his head. "You don't remember anything, do you? That's very unlike you. I know you're usually sleep-deprived, but what happened that you have memory loss?"
"Life happened," I reply meekly.
He snorts, "Did you just make a joke about your trauma? Is humor your new coping mechanism now?" I grin sheepishly in response. But his amusement fades quickly. With his hands still resting on my cheeks, he strokes them with his thumbs. "I don't mind if you decide to make dark jokes from now on, but please don't make any jests about you dying," he murmurs.
My mirth vanishes, too. Of course. My arthritis, the lacerations, the blood loss, all the times I've lost consciousness. And the abduction and fall from the sky. "I'm sorry. It wasn't right to ignore what you've experienced and make light of it." My gloved hands rise to cover his. "It won't happen again. I promise." Of all the promises I have made, I know I can keep this one.
He smiles his forgiveness and helps both of us to rise. "Come on. Just for two more hours stay awake. Then you can sleep all you want. I won't disturb you."
"Thank you for your generosity."
To my surprise, All Might arrived for the aftermath. Though he was haggard, his voice still commanded respect. In spite of my grudges, even I was intrigued with what he had to say. He acknowledged his narrow-mindedness, which absolutely shocked me. He apologized to Bakugou-kun for neglecting him, and urged both boys to team together, claiming that what each had what the other was lacking. Putting their abilities together would result in magnificence. Reluctantly, the boys acquiesced.
But what was really riveting was the pending explanation about All Might's quirk. They thought this was a secret between three, but little did they know a fourth was eavesdropping.
Coming here tonight was definitely worth it.
I got all my answers.
And I had plenty to tell the League.
After All Might escorted the boys back to the dormitory, I summoned Kurogiri's warp gate to transport myself to my bedroom.
"I've got tea, freshly brewed from the stove," I told Shigaraki over the burner phone.
Tonight, I spill that tea.
After that much-needed nap, of course.
Note: I have copied some dialogue from one of the English-translated versions of the manga. The links to the chapters are here:
.online/manga/boku-no-hero-academia-chapter-117/
.online/manga/boku-no-hero-academia-chapter-118/
Citations:
"Power is much easier to acquire than it is to hold on to." - The Wicked King by Holly Black