Trigger Warning:

- hospitalization

- death

- depressing thoughts

- heavy grief

- nightmares

I have no one but myself to blame for this.

I swore that I would protect her.

Keeping in touch with her, reading the news articles, overcoming my own limitations … I did everything I could think of to help her.

But all of my efforts turned into failures when I watch the news broadcast.

Breaking news: The League of Villains attacked the Hanada manor. Three dead. One seriously injured.

The police have set up a blockade around the perimeter of the mansion, preventing the media from coming inside. A part of me is relieved that I don't have to see the crime scene. Another part of me wishes that I did. At least I would know just how much in danger she was in.

My hands are planted on either side of my laptop, my face is glued to the screen. Morbid curiosity has me captive. And I simply have to know.

My Selene … my sweet Selene … she is the one in critical condition. She is undergoing treatment at the hospital as I am watching. The reporters say that the doctors are keeping silent about the kinds of injuries she has sustained. But if the methods of deaths are anything to go by, it would not be farfetched to assume they are severe.

Hanada-shi's oldest son was disintegrated to dust; one of his twin sons was burnt alive; the other twin was stabbed. There is no body of the first, and the corpses of the other two are beyond recognition. The remains are still where the murders occurred: Selene's bedroom.

The horror story my mind concocts from these details makes me rush to the toilet and retch.

The League had been planning this for months now. They had maps, so they infiltrated the mansion. They knew where Selene's room was. At least three of them bided their time, waiting for the right moment to strike. Three villains for three boys. Shigaraki must have been the one to do the decay. The fire one must have been Dabi. Then the spearing one must have been Toga. So who hurt Selene? Was it one of them? Was it all three of them? Was it someone else?

Did they make her watch?

Did they torture her first?

Could I have done anything more?

Nothing comes out, but the nausea persists. I manage to get up on my feet and exit the bathroom. Since Hanada-shi and the servants are busy with the officers' investigation, the reporters interview the family his son was supposed to marry into.

The patriarch spews some bullshit about feeling sorry about what happened. He makes proclamations about ensuring the Hanadas get recognition, bringing up this issue in legislation, fighting to pass laws about better protection of Japan's citizens, and denouncing the League of Villains.

Selene was right. This guy only cares about his political agenda. The marriage would have helped him immensely, but he is quick to seize opportunity and make it about him. Even once have you stopped to consider if she was okay? It's a stupid question. No. He must have not. When he was willing to make her perform, despite knowing of her disability, he would not care about her nearly being murdered.

While the media was waiting for updates, they asked the police, the heroes, and the public at the scene for their opinions. All their statements made one thing clear: no one saw Selene as a human.

No one. Not him, not Hanada-shi, not the media, not the heroes, not the public care what she endured. The political world viewed her as a tool to push for their policies; the business world wondered what change her being the heiress to the Hanada fortune would bring; the media cared about getting sensation and hits; the heroes saw her as a threat posed by the villains; the public were wary of the same fate befalling them.

Is there anyone besides me who cares about her?

The bitter realization renders me unable to hold back my tears. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. Instead of letting you go, I should have fought harder. I should have persuaded you to do a work-study. I should have talked to Dad. If he could accept Bakugou and Midoriya in his agency, then I could convince him to take you in, too. You could have lived at the agency dorms with us. Where you would be happy. Where you would be safe. Maybe none of this would have never happened if I just did more.

The guilt overwhelms me so much I shut down my laptop and begin to bawl to my heart's content.

Slumping until I am lying down on my bed, I bury my face in the covers and emit a cry of desperation.

I wanted to celebrate the new year with her when school started again. Not like this, though. Bunching the bedsheet in my fist, I imagine what she believed were her final moments were like. The possibilities only make me weep harder.

Hours pass like this. Every so often, someone will knock at my door. They must have learned about the tragedy, too, and they're coming to check on me. I refuse to open the door. They'll see my face and take pity on me. I will cry harder, and the cycle will repeat. The same thing will happen if I pick up the phone from my siblings.

I do not wish to talk to them; I wish to talk to my sweetheart.

Finally, Aizawa-sensei speaks outside the door. My classmates must have gone to him, and he must have gotten fed up with my lack of response.

I recollect enough smartness to know that I cannot avoid my teacher; he will use the master key to get in if I refuse. Slowly, I climb out of bed and open the door. If my misery shows on my face, he makes no comment.

"You don't want comfort, you want a solution," he says. Whether it is a question or a declaration, I nod anyway. He passes me a slip of paper. It is the name of a hospital. The same hospital where Mom is admitted, and where Selene recovered after All for One's arrest. "That's where she's at. Under teacher authority, I can take you there."

I could start crying all over again. My nod is more vigorous, more enthusiastic this time. "Just give me five minutes, Sensei," I choke out.

Exactly two and a half minutes later, I'm in the backseat of Aizawa-sensei's car. He has not said a word since inviting me. I am grateful for the silence. It gives me a chance to say what I have to say to her.

Forty-five minutes after starting, we reach the hospital. I give a brief thank you to Sensei before jumping out the car and charging past the entrance doors. There is a woman at the reception desk. I cannot be bothered with any more pleasantries. "Hanada Selene. Which room?" My voice is raw from the tears shed.

"Sorry, but Hanada Asahi-san has forbid any visitors from seeing her."

"Please. I'm her classmate."

"I wish I could help you, Sir, but it was his orders."

I do not press any further. If she won't tell me, I'll just find the place myself. Since Hanada-shi has restricted visitor access, there must be private security around the area.

With the help of the signboards, I find the patient critical care unit. In some left and right turns, I spot a ward different from the rest. Two guards stand outside the door, armed. I approach them. Before I get a chance to speak, they tell me the same thing the receptionist did.

"I am her friend from school. Please, just let me see her once."

Then a voice I was dreading to hear reverberates in the hall. "Friend? Since when?" I look at the owner of the voice. There he is. A juxtaposition of put together and haggard. His suit is expensive but wrinkled at the hems. Hair combed back but unwashed. Hands crossed together but shaking anyway. Clean face but dark circles below the eyes. Hanada-shi has the decency to look affected by the incident. Although, I bet it is only for his deceased children. He beckons to a corner for privacy. I follow him.

"Since the start of the school year," I tell him. "We even text and call sometimes."

When his confused expression does not change, I realize I just made a grave mistake.

He speaks slowly, as if coming to a conclusion about something. "That's funny. Selene never mentioned that her relationship ran deeper than acquaintances." An embarrassing, audible gulp is my response. His eyes narrow at my behavior. Hanada-shi pulls out her phone from his pocket. Opening it, he comments, "And your number is not saved in her contacts. No call or message history, either."

Alarm bells ring in my head about Selene's behavior. However, it is drowned by the sirens warning me. There's nothing I can say to that. My carelessness has already put her in more danger. He covers the distance between and places a hand on my shoulder. To the random passerby, it would seem like he was comforting me. But that is an illusion of the eyes. Hanada-shi is threatening me.

"Just what secrets has she been keeping from me?"

"I … I don't know, Sir."

"What do you know about her?"

"What do you mean, Sir? I'm just here because I saw the news and was worried about her. May I see her?"

He holds me in place for a moment longer before letting go. Whatever he's searching for in my face, he seems to find it. I don't like in the slightest. "She's under sedatives right now. Go ahead and see for yourself."

I bow hastily and wait for the guards to permit me through. A simple wave from Hanada-shi grants me access, and I push through without waiting for them to do it for me.

As soon as I step through, I fall to my knees.

Most of my doubts are answered. Selene is breathing from a ventilator and attached to an IV. Rising to my feet and covering the distance, I look at the numbers. Breathing high. Heart rate high. Temperature high. Other vital signs are out of the normal range, too. From head to toe, she is mummified in bandages. Aware of the jeopardy I have already put her in, I swallow my sob and resist touching her.

The door opens behind me. I do not need to turn behind to see who it is who passed through. I will leave now. "Get better soon. Please," I whisper before exiting the ward. The 'I miss you,' remains unspoken.

Hanada-shi must be thinking that I will leave the hospital, having gotten what I wanted. But that is not my only motivation. Once I am well out of the unit, I head for Mom's room.

Patients know more about other patients than doctors like to think. Mom must know something, too.

When I open the door to her ward, she takes one look at me and opens her arms out. Not a second later, I am being held in her embrace. I thought I had dried up all my tears for the day, but there are some left to spare. The pain of seeing my love like that is unbearable.

My hands bunch the fabric of her hospital uniform. Although I am taller than her, I feel as small as a baby. A baby who simply wants to be cared for and nothing else. Because she is my mother, Mom must understand it, too. She murmurs soft assurances in my ear as she pats my back in a rhythmic motion.

Somehow, we shift from standing in the center of the room to sitting on the small bed. "You don't have to talk if you want to," she says. "I saw the news."

"Mom?" My voice comes out dry and hoarse. "Did you learn anything?"

She looks back briefly at the closed door before answering my question. "Lots of whispers. Doctors say that she was beaten. No decay. No burns. No stabs. From the pattern of wounds and fractures, they speculate it was physical violence. I heard that there are signs of suffocation around her neck."

I soak that knowledge in. If Selene was not attacked with quirks, then this was a matter of ego. The League of Villains must have had their pride hurt when she was rescued after they kidnapped her. This was definitely a statement. We do not need supernatural abilities to defeat U.A. students. That was their message. And because Selene is disabled, she made the perfect messenger.

This situation is more than just a web of power. It is a goddamn abyss. Selene is hanging from a precipice, and Enemies are climbing up from the darkness, leaping at the chance to gain power over her.

I want to do as much as I can for her. But every new contender binds my hands a little tighter. Were it just me caught up in all this, I would not have been so cautious. I don't care if I bear the consequences of my actions; I do care if someone else does. And it is not me with such terrible fate. My reckless behavior means that Selene could get hurt.

I open my mouth to tell Mom about the potential risk I put her in but close it at the last second. Selene has made it obvious that nobody outside the Hanada household knows about the abuse. I already made a mistake; I would be a fool if I repeated it.

My doubts about Selene's secrecy regarding our friendship surface. It is not as though I do not have possible explanations to them, either. I simply want the explanations from Selene. To do that, I have to meet her without raising Hanada-shi's suspicion any more.

After exchanging a few more words with my mother, I depart the hospital.

Sleep comes uneasy to me that night.

All I dream are nightmares.

Nightmares where shadowy hands claw up a black chasm and grapple at Selene.

An aura as white as moonlight emanates from her.

It dims under every assault.

I stand on the edge, trying to pull her up.

The hands climb higher and higher, revealing their owners' faces.

Hanada-shi, his sons, the patriarch, the heroes, the media, Shigaraki, Dabi, Toga, Spinner, Mr. Compress, Twice.

"My moon, please hold on," I plead, tearfully.

Her hand slips from mine.

She falls into the darkness.

I dive in after her.