#33 An Odd Pairing
"Argh! No! That won't work either," Yama growled as he worked from his office at the top of his tower. He was once again free from police custody and like any seasoned criminal, was working on his next big money maker. Currently, he was fuming about how his bot-fights (which were very profitable) kept being broken up by the cops and despite his best effort, couldn't find a solution to salvage them.
"Hell! Until the fuzz let's up, my normal operations will end up costing me men and money," the crime boss growled, practically grinding his teeth in frustration. He looked through his papers on potential locations a third time in hopes that he missed one, but the results came up the same as all were either sold recently or high traffic areas.
"Useless!" Yama shouted, slamming a fist on his desk, miraculously not spilling his coffee when he did so. He then rubbed the bridge of his nose as he slumped back into his chair, making it creak in the process. It was a nightmare working for Obake, but now that he's dead, the valuable high-tech tidbits he did share with me have dried up, he reflected internally with a scowl. Setting something new up will take time and money I can't afford to spare, but what cho-
Whoosh
The sliding of his office door snapped him out of his thoughts, briefly returning the focus of his anger on whoever opened the panel instead. At the entrance stood two muscular men, one wearing a black button-up shirt, tan pants and a gold chain while the other wore a white tank top and dark green pants.
"What is so important that you had to interrupt me Ethan and Jay?" the large man snarled.
The two exchanged looks of nervousness for a short moment until Jay, the tank top one, answered, "We, uh spotted an intruder out back while on duty and thought to bring him here so you can decide what to do."
"Why didn't you just tell me all that over the phone instead of coming into my office?" Yama inquired in frustration.
The second one Ethan warily replied, "You uh, said not to disturb you unless it was important, so we figured bringing the trespasser up here would only be one disturbance not two."
The mob boss gave an audible growl at not having a counter argument, so he relented. "Fine. Bring whatever idiot who was skulking around outside in here," he barked to his men.
The duo retreated for a moment as they stepped back into the hallway to retrieve the intruder, who they left with their other coworker Val. Before they returned, Yama could hear a new, yet somewhat familiar voice complaining about common decency and being manhandled. Once his henchmen came back, Jay pushed a short man through the entrance, where he stumbled and fell down onto the carpet.
The tracksuit-wearing man replaced his scowl with an eyebrow quirk of confusion at the sight, clearly not expecting this to be what the intruder would look like. As the much smaller being stood back up, he proceeded to dust off his purple suit and straighten his pink wig as he grumbled something that sounded like "Neanderthal," followed by gazing up at Yama.
There was a brief flash of nervousness across the face of this oddly dressed person, but was quickly replaced with one of confidence as he started to schmooze. "Well hey, if it isn't that big time crime boss I've heard so much about. I must say Yama, love what you've done with the place; a very nice blend of modern with traditional, and you even have some gorgeous pieces. Is that sword from the Ming Dynasty?" the man known as Mr. Sparkles rapidly tried to charm the other, but resulting in even more bewilderment.
Yama turned his head to look at his henchmen still by the door and incredulously asked, "Is this the trouble or a joke?"
Ethan and Jay shrugged in uncertainty before the first one slowly replied, "It's the guy we found outside boss, and he didn't give us a good answer as to why he was loitering around as well as wasn't smart enough to get lost."
The boots-wearing man scoffed, clearly offended and interrupted with, "Uh, excuse me. First off, while I may be able to tell jokes, I am not one and secondly, I am well educated or else I wouldn't have been able to host a very popular game show, as if you guys didn't already know."
All three bad guys now stared blankly at the former host, not really sure what he was talking about and resulting in the short man growling with irritation. "I'm Mr. Sparkles of "Maximum Insane Obstacle Challenge!" Do you all live under a rock or something?" the pink-haired criminal snarkily informed them as he put his hands on his hips.
With that reminder from the narcissistic internet personality, it sparked some memory in Yama as he nodded slowly and remarked, "Wait, I think I know you."
"It's about time," Mr. Sparkles snidely stated.
"Yeah, this guy was wanted by the cops a few months back. Ha! Now he's wandered into my turf and I'm sure there's still a reward for his capture," the crime boss said out loud with a scheming grin, causing the short man to panic at this turn of events.
Mr. Sparkles gave a nervous laugh as he was being hungrily stared at by the larger man, followed by informing the other, "While yes, it is true that I am technically still wanted, I did not merely wander into your territory." He then quickly put on a more confident façade while the trio of criminals quirked their eyebrows in confusion at this man's claim.
The man with the pink toupee stood straight and convincingly stated, "You see Yama, I came here this evening in hopes of proposing a partnership. As you pointed out, I'm currently on the lamb and need to find ways to make a profitable living that will no doubt have to be illegal; and so, I thought why not go to one of the biggest crime bosses this city's ever seen and get him to go along with my ideas?" He proceeded to flash his best charming smile and extended a hand as if this was already a done deal, but was soon met with a fit of laughter from Ethan, Jay and Yama at how ridiculous this sounded.
"Preposterous! Partnerships are supposed to be beneficial, not a loss, and Yama doubts you have anything of value to me," the tracksuit clad felon scoffed while he gave a few more loud laughs.
Mr. Sparkles dropped his grin to scowl for a moment at being rebuked before transitioning to a sly expression and withdrawing his hand. He then aloofly turned his head, nonchalantly looking like he was checking his nails as if the large man wasn't worth his time. The former gameshow host waited until they finally stopped laughing to speak up again with, "No, you're right Yama. I don't seem to possess anything of value or importance…unless you count my studio."
"Huh?" Yama uttered as his attention snapped him out of his jovial state.
Mr. Sparkles didn't respond right away until he simply turned his head back to the crime boss and snarkily replied, "Oh, you're talking to me now? Well my dubious deviant, I was just going to say that the studio where I filmed my show has all manner of props and devices available for use."
After processing the shorter man's word, Yama gave an incredulous laugh and replied, "Ha! Nice try, but that was months ago. Surely everything's been repossessed and sold."
Mr. Sparkles now smirked as he informed the other with a wink, "You might think that, but the place was boobytrapped so well, the authorities have let it be, making it a great place to hide out in if you know where all the triggers are as well as how to disarm them."
"Then why haven't you sold your own stuff off if you're so desperate for more cash? Why come to me?" the mob boss inquired, feeling irritated that this conversation hadn't concluded yet.
With a gleeful smile, the purple-suited man happily said, "Because that's no fun! Why not make money, be entertained and gain civilian admiration all at the same time?"
Yama growled in response and straight up told Mr. Sparkles, "Because being in the spotlight only increases the chances of being caught or recognized."
"Fine, I can remain the face. I'd prefer that anyway, and it doesn't even have to be something we broadcast if you're that worried Boy-o, just as long as it's a show," the other criminal cheekily shot back.
"Don't call me 'Boy-o,'" Yama ordered angrily, still confused by his counterpart's insistent need for attention. "You still haven't told me what you can actually offer me," he pointed out in annoyance.
Mr. Sparkles gave a small gasp as if he'd been insulted and offered up, "Aside from me giving you access to my custom-made equipment and props that I won't even charge you for? Well, how about a scheme then to sweeten the deal so to speak."
Hearing this actually gave the crime boss cause to pause as he had not forgotten the trouble he was having not even 15minutes ago. "Alright, what did you have in mind?" he gruffly asked as he crossed his arms.
The pink-haired man promptly wagged a finger and went, "Tsk, tsk, tsk. That's not how this works," before extending his hand again to shake. "I wouldn't expect you to tell me your plans for free. So, what'll it be Yama?" he cunningly inquired, knowing he had the other hooked now if he was curious about this plan.
The large man stared at the offered appendage for a few seconds, debating if he was really that desperate for the resources and willing to take the chance on this unconventional criminal's idea. With a brief groan, Yama finally relented and grumbled, "Fine" and begrudgingly took Mr. Sparkles's hand, much to the shorter man's delight.
"Wonderful! You won't be sorry," he assured Yama, who still held a look of disdain.
The tall man then snapped, "Enough! Now tell me what you have or you'll be dragged back out of here with some painful reminders of why you don't waste Yama's time!"
The eccentric felon put his hands up placatingly and told the other, "Okay, okay. No need to get so hostile. Maybe you should try yoga or maybe some soothing tea; stress is definitely a major contributor in causing health issues." Yama only growled more intensely, indicating Mr. Sparkles only had a few seconds to save his own skin. "Right. Now for the plan." He then stood more confidently as he began to pace back and forth with purpose. "Okay, first question: What kind of people have lots of money? Rich people, that's who; and what are they always after? Something new, something thrilling and something that's exclusive to only someone with their wealth," Mr. Sparkles excitedly pitched with a high level of crazed gleam appearing in his eyes.
"So, what I'm proposing Yama is a daring racing game where these rich elites pay us handsomely to violate city traffic laws. Those socialites already live by a different set of rules from the common folk, so they're less wary about breaking the minor ones."
Yama listened attentively, nodding a little as he pondered the idea. Huh? Getting snobby rich folks to actually pay us to do something illegal instead of merely stealing it from them. Interesting concept, but wait, the burly man thought as something occurred to him. "But will they really want to do this if it's so risky? They'll flaunt their money so shamelessly, but if they actually might get hurt or killed, they won't bite," the mobster pointed out with a huff.
Mr. Sparkles proceeded to flash a sly grin and countered with, "They will if they actually aren't in any danger."
The crime boss raised an eyebrow in confusion, so the other quickly elaborated. "For these suckers, it'll be a real-life race, but they get to control the vehicle remotely; this way, they'll feel like they won't face any consequences, both legally or mortally."
Yama nodded slowly again as he couldn't argue with this approach as it would play to their benefit and prey off the tendencies at least some wealthy folk exhibit. "Alright, that's not too bad, but I doubt we can keep this racket going for long; sooner or later, they'll stop coming back or the cops might catch on," he voiced his concerns with a judging look cast towards Mr. Sparkles.
The peppy short man didn't miss a beat though as he continued his scheming sales pitch, quirking his brow and informing the other, "What if this is a two-prong plan? Once where we run a second operation that takes advantage of the chaos the race will cause?"
"Huh?" Yama uttered as he paused again, actually shocked that there was a follow up to the first part as well as it coming from one he dismissed as merely being weird and foolish.
"I said that this plan has two prongs, which will maximize profits and make it harder to be caught. You see, these cars will be noticed relatively quickly and with how fast they are, draw most of the police away with them; so, if we time it right, we can commit robberies, getting in and out before the fuzz ever have enough time to catch us, let alone stop us," the eccentric Mr. Sparkles skillfully explained, unable to hide his ecstatic smile at the prospect of his plan coming to fruition.
The crime lord could only blink in stunned silence at how everything he was trying to figure out on his own had found its way to him, practically served up on a silver platter. He looked down at the small, eager man who was waiting on his word, and after letting out a resigning sigh, he finally said, "Alright. I like the sound of this." Yama then swiftly leaned down as he put on his authoritative scowl once more, making Mr. Sparkles give a brief flinch at this sudden movement. "But know that this deal only exists as long as it's profitable. Don't mistake my approval of your plan as generosity."
The pink-haired man seemed to get the message, but bolstered his confidently smooth persona as he replied, "No problem Big Guy, totally understandable. Why do you think I spent so much time working on this pitch? But between my ideas and your man power, I wouldn't be surprised if this criminal empire receives a major boost in its collective gains." He soon followed up with nudging Yama's leg while giving a smirk, causing the large man to grunt in annoyance as he pushed the other away.
"Enough! You got your deal. Now, unless you have something else to offer, I suggest you deliver on your part of this scheme while I get my men to set up a suitable base," the tracksuit-wearing criminal barked at him.
Mr. Sparkles put up his hand placatingly again and defensively said, "Okay, no need to be so harsh or impatient. I was just trying to show a little comradery. Yeesh. Anyway, I got you covered and I'll reach out to you with the parts so we can get this thing rolling."
"Good. Now go," Yama ordered as he snapped his fingers, indicating for Ethan and Jay, who had been standing patiently (and a bit awkwardly) by the door to escort his new partner out.
The short-statured man gave a wink while he made finger-guns and simply said, "You got it," while he was flanked by those that dragged him up there in the first place.
With the sound of the sliding panel whooshing shut, Yama allowed himself to sit back down in his large chair, letting out a tired sigh and pinching the bridge of his nose. This nutzo's plan better work or so help me, he internally grumbled as the swirling feelings of frustration, hope and giddiness fought within him a few moments longer until he finally managed to focus up and start making this scheme a reality.
NOTES
The Yama and Mr. Sparkles team up certainly was weird and seemed like an arrangement Yama wasn't super thrilled about, so this was my take on how they may have met. ;) Mr. Sparkles making himself the face of the operation also makes sense given his narcissistic personality while Yama would be more business; I do wonder what Yama thought about his partner's obsession with the cashmere-lined gloves, but he probably wanted to have as little actually talk/contact with Mr. Sparkles as possible. :/
The next story will be about Globby visiting BH6 at their base while they are still fugitives. :) 3