Chapter 12: Hep Rhosti, Huh?

The fourth day was the fateful one. It began with Cloud and Tifa lazily tanning on the deck in their swimwear. Most of the day was quite uneventful, though things would never be the same afterward.

In the evening, Tifa was putting on her makeup and adjusting her earrings. She was dressed in a loose green tee shirt and a pair of skinny jeans.

Cloud was seated at the table, less than pleased.

"Why did you say yes?" he asked.

"So nobody gets suspicious," she replied. "Remember, you're Lyle McPherson, political science major. I'm Sarah Apricot, nursing major."

"You last name is the name of a fruit?"

"Jessie didn't have a problem with it," she pointed out. "We've been dating for two years, and you're planning to propose at the end of the trip, with a wedding the day after graduation."

"Got it," Cloud said.

Tifa turned and walked over to Cloud.

"Let's go over the ground rules again, she commanded.

Cloud groaned inside. He was well aware of these already.

"If we sense danger, we snap our fingers twice," she said.

Cloud nodded.

"If we spot a fugitive, we knock on our knees," she continued.

"Got it," Cloud muttered.

"And finally, if we spot Sephiroth, we pull our earlobes," she finished.

"No problem," he said in a monotone.

"What's wrong?" Tifa asked as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Nothing," he sighed.

"Is it because we haven't had sex yet?" she asked.

"Maybe," he replied, with an embarrassed smile.

"Patience is a virtue," she reminded him before kissing him on the mouth.

Unknown to Cloud, she had the next day planned already. She would spend the first part of the day in a tee shirt and panties, then slip the panties off when he wasn't looking, and have sex as soon as he noticed.

He just had to wait, but she was sure it would be worth it.

MINUTES LATER…

Hep Rhosti was waiting on the deck of his boat when Cloud and Tifa arrived. He greeted them and led them into the cabin.

A young woman was sitting at the already-set table. She was blonde, and appeared to be in her mid-twenties.

"Hi!" she greeted. "I'm Kate. My boyfriend told me a lot about you."

"I'm Sarah," Tifa greeted. "And this is my boyfriend, Larry."

"I thought it was Lyle," Hep said.

Shit, thought Tifa.

"Lyle's his last name," she lied. "I'm just practicing with it."

"I heard you're a nursing major," Katie began. "What made you pick that?"

"I just wanted to help people," Tifa replied.

"Are you talking about getting married soon?" Katie then asked.

"We're planning on it right after graduation," Tifa replied. "He was planning to officially propose at the end of the trip."

"Or you could propose to him," Katie suggested. "I heard President Strife proposed to Cloud."

"They play President Strife and the first gentleman at parties," added Hep.

Kate took a scan of both of them.

"It's uncanny," she said. "You could really pass for them."

"It is uncanny," Hep added. "Look at Larry's eyes. They look like they're Mako infused as well. Only a select few get those."

Cloud was silent. He began to feel nervous; Hep was onto him.

"And you plan on proposing at the end of this trip?" Hep asked.

"That's right," Cloud replied.

"Then how come you're already wearing wedding bands?" Hep asked.

Tifa quickly glanced at the rings on her finger.

One little mistake, she realized.

"And I couldn't help but notice you have the exact same small scar on your forehead that the first gentleman has," Hep continued.

"You are the first couple!" Katie suddenly blurted out. "I knew it. Why the cover-up? We won't tell anyone!"

Hep cleared his throat.

"Babe," he began, "I need to talk to you."

He stood up and disappeared behind a wall.

Katie followed him, but remained visible. She suddenly turned away from Hep.

"Thank you for cooking such a fabulous meal," Hep complimented. "And thank you for pretending to be my girlfriend. But your services will no longer be required."

Suddenly, Kate's body jerked. A bloody sword appeared, coming out of her lower torso. Blood trickled from her mouth.

Tifa's mouth dried.

The sword was then withdrawn.

Kate fell to the floor, dead.

And then, Hep emerged from behind the wall. Only now, he had the more familiar long, silver hair, and black cloak.

"Sephiroth!" Cloud exclaimed.

"It's been a while," Sephiroth taunted.

Cloud and Tifa were frozen. They were completely unarmed, and practically cornered.

"Relax," he assured them. "I'm not going to kill you. I've tried that too many times. I figured it was time for me to take a new approach."

He kept his Masamune aimed at Cloud and Tifa with his right hand. In his left, he flaunted what looked like a metal scepter.

"Do you know what this is?" Sephiroth inquired.

"Shera's regenerator," Tifa replied. "It revives rotting food. She told me you stole it."

"Correct," Sephiroth replied.

"Are you becoming a farmer?" Cloud demanded.

"Far from it!" Sephiroth. "I have no interest in farming. Just a little…sanitation."

"Sanitation?" Tifa asked in bewilderment.

With that, Sephiroth fired a beam from the regenerator, striking Cloud. He then quickly fired another one, striking Tifa.

Both Cloud and Tifa scanned their arms, their bodies, and then each other's bodies to check for any effects being hit by the beam had on them.

It had apparently done nothing.

"All done!" Sephiroth declared cheerfully. "Run along now!"

"Is this a fucking joke?" Cloud snarled.

Sephiroth then aimed his sword.

"I would get as far away from this boat as humanly possible," he warned. "And if you ever come here again…"

He pointed to Kate's body.

Cloud and Tifa wasted no time. They leaped out of their seat, ran onto the deck, and jumped onto their own. They then quickly ran to the cabin.

"Hep Rhosti my ass," sighed Tifa. "That's an anagram for Sephiroth! I should've known!"

Suddenly, Cloud started laughing.

Tifa immediately became annoyed. They were just attacked by Sephiroth, a woman died, and now Cloud was laughing.

"Cloud!" she snapped. "Whatever you're laughing at, it's the wrong time!"

"You said a bad word!" he giggled.

Tifa sighed again.

"Yes, I said 'ass!' What's the big deal?"

Cloud laughed again, even harder than before.

"How immature can you be?!" she snapped. "You're twenty-four years old!"

Cloud continued to laugh, much to Tifa's annoyance.

"Look, just get your buster sword!" she commanded. "I put it in the cupboard."

Still laughing, Cloud opened the cupboard. The buster sword was there. But when he tried to pick it up, he noticed something different about it.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"This is a lot bigger and heavier than I remember it," he said.

"It's the exact same sword," she insisted.

She looked at the sword, and realized it did seem larger than it had been. She then scanned the cabin.

"Come to think of it," she said, "everything seems a little bigger."

Tifa then looked down at Cloud's lower half.

And then, she began began to laugh herself, covering her mouth. It soon turned into a cackle.

Now it was Cloud's turn to be annoyed and confused.

"What's so funny?!" Cloud demanded.

"I just noticed!" she laughed. "You're not wearing any pants!"

Cloud immediately looked down.

Bare legs greeted his eyes, and he instinctively covered himself.

"Relax," Tifa assured him. "Your shirt got bigger, too. It's hiding your privates."

And then, suddenly, Tifa felt a breeze on her legs.

She looked down to see that her legs were bare as well.

"Where are my pants?" she asked aloud.

She turned around, and peered out onto the deck.

"There they are," she said. "And my panties."

She then looked down again.

"At least my shirt got bigger and covered the good stuff."

Cloud, meanwhile, started to laugh again.

"Only a child would laugh at that," Tifa said.

And then, she started to laugh again herself.

"You know," she continued, "that is pretty funny."

And then, Tifa scanned her arms and hands. They were shorter, and her fingers were stubbier.

She and Cloud were suddenly smaller.

They were suddenly immature.

It could only mean one thing, and Tifa dreaded it.

"Sephiroth," she began. "Did he…turn us into children?"

"There's only one way we can know for sure," Cloud suggested.

"What's that?" Tifa asked.

Without responding, he darted into the bathroom.

"Cloud!" she exclaimed.

He closed the door behind him and locked it.

Cloud then realized that it was only one way to be completely sure. He quickly lifted his shirt, and looked down.

"My pubic hair's gone," he said in defeat.

For five seconds, there was silence.

Then Tifa broke the silence.

"Mine is, too," she called from the other room.

Without further ado, Cloud opened the bathroom door and stepped out.

Tifa was standing there, with tears threatening her chestnut eyes.

"You're ten years old…and I'm…nine…." she lamented. "He turned us into children with Shera's regenerator. That's what he wanted with it. But why? Why would he turn us into children?"

"He's obviously planned something," Cloud suggested. "And he wants us out of the way. Killing us would stick out like a sore thumb. Turning us into children would have us disappear. Nobody would believe us if we told them who we are. Or what Sephiroth is planning."

"I'm wondering how he knew where to find us," Tifa said. "Someone had to have ratted us out. No doubt, the same person who freed him."

"He's definitely planning something. We need to be adults again," Cloud said. "As soon as possible."

"I can't see how that's possible," Tifa dismissed. "He's really outsmarted us this time."

"There is one way he might not have considered," Cloud said.

Tifa gave him a hopeful look.

"We'll use the Chronus Wand," he announced.