A/N The dumpster fire truck has returned to give you all a new chapter!

Chapter: 3

The curse known as walking

Now that I've beaten Blue I can retire and never ever battle in my life.

That way I can claim I have never lost once in my life.
After making sure everyone knows I'm undefeated I'll go live on top of an unreachable mountain. That way I remain unbeaten and look badass.

I think I can set up a small shack and live comfortably in it, if I can get an electric Pokémon I could probably generate enough for me to create some kind of game dungeon.

I am pretty sure I could survive in isolation, I mean you see those psychology tests for astronauts who they're preparing to shoot into space.

Some of those people train to be in small isolated spaces on earth so they won't go bonkers and screw shit up when no one can reach them.

Those people are pussies, I have survived for over 16 years without ever requiring social contact.

And the trip to Viridian City is longer than I thought so it leaves me with a lot of time with my thoughts.

Of course I am merely speaking in metaphors because obviously I can not be wrong, nah ah.

This journey did give me a few opportunities to battle other people.

Like there was this girl who lost and she began crying because I hospitalized her worm Pokémon.

It was a real pain in the ass and in the end I just took the money she owed me and left her to her own devices.

Other people would call it mean but I would call it justice with a more direct approach.

In the hypothetical situation I were to loose I wouldn't cry like a bitch but just give the money.

But no, just because someone is crying it doesn't mean it becomes an actual argument.

I mean, how would that hold up in court? Criminals could just cry their way out of prison.

Just because you're sad doesn't mean you're excused from paying prize money.

It means you are a loser.

I haven't cried since...well ever.

The last time I cried waws when my mom refused to breastfeed me. That time crying actually helped me win the argument but I swore to never use such disgusting means ever again.

Why was I ranting again?

Oh yeah utter boredom.

Hey look a tree!

Oh, hey look at the sky. It's so blue.

OH MY HOLY FUCKING ARCEUS I JUST SAW A WEEDLE, OH MY, I FEEL SO BLESSED….

No, I can't do it, being all cheerful and happy.

I genuinely don't understand why someone would ever enjoy hiking. I guess the first time one would see a tree it might be interesting but every time after that it's the same old thing.

I can not enjoy seeing the sky or nature, simply because I have already seen it and it's kind of boring since it doesn't do anything new.

Neither is the motion of walking forward appealing to me.

I did it as a toddler and I decided to never do it again unless it was absolutely necessary.

As I grew up I learned that walking was an ugly part of life that you get used to but doing it without a solid reason, nope not for me.

Yeah, I again want to reaffirm my statement that other people are crazy.

I mean if 'outside' got an dlc or update with rollercoasters growing in the wild I might reconsider my opinion.

I really can't imagine someone ever enjoying a game about capturing Pokémon in which they had to walk just to get from one place to another.

That would be just boring.

Talking about capturing Pokémon.

I spotted an avian creature flying in the field to my left.

'Bingo.'

I threw up my Pokéball and Portable Flamethrower appeared in front of me.

"Char!" It happily cried out as if it hadn't seen the sun for days which is untrue.

I pointed at the Pidgey who was quite literally a sitting duck in a field.

'We're gonna enslave that bird, fuck walking. In the future we fly.'

With the gay power of friendship Charmander somehow understood my thoughts, or maybe he just loved beating up random Pokémon.

He waddled towards the Pidgey and gained its attention with a loud "Char!"

I actually wanted him to sneak attack the Pidget but that was too much to ask from his small brains.

Still, the Pidget turned to face us and gave the Charmander a court nod, as if accepting the challenge.

'Fine by me, Let's kill one bird with two flamethrowers!' I pointed at the Pidgey.

Of course Portable Flamethrower had not learned that move yet but Ember was definitely working as well.

Two small bursts of fire shot towards the bird and caught in the chest.

Pidgey was sturdier because it managed to remain standing...or flying for that sake.

It flapped its wings a few times and began to hover a good meter above the ground.

Pidgey used Gust and a windvlague crashed into Charmander.

Charmander fell over like it was made of cardboard.

'It's fucking wind, what kind of dragon gets knocked down because of some wind?' Charmander got to his feet and jumped towards Pidgey.

One slash hit him square in the face.

I did not waste a second and tossed a Pokéball in the bird's face. It was a perfect throw of course because the redlight sucked the bird in.

I gave Charmander a satisfied nod, he jumped up happily and again said the only word he knew.

I knelt down and took the Pokéball in my hand, it had stopped shaking and my Pokédex began beeping, probably to announce that I got a new Pokémon, as if I didn't know that.

I smiled, now I only had to raise Pidgey until it metamorphosed into a Pidgeot and after that I would be able to fly.

Goodbye walking.

You won't be missed.