Having been hard at work organizing a shelf of scrolls for a good while, Gabrielle placed the final few rolled-up papers that she held in their appropriate place and let out a satisfied huff to herself as she stepped back and admired a job well done.
GABRIELLE
I'm all set over here Sara.
SARA
Already?
Sara's voice called back to Gabrielle from an unknown part of the archives where she was working on her own tasks.
SARA
You know you never fail to impress me with just how quickly you're able to get things done.
Gabrielle shrugged to herself.
GABRIELLE
It's no big deal. So what did you want me to do next?
SARA
Good question. Honestly since you've been here this place has gotten way more manageable and organized, so I'm not really sure just how much more needs to be done.
Sara paused for a moment as she thought of what else might have needed to be done but couldn't think of anything specific off the top of her head.
SARA
Maybe just walk around and take note of anything that you think looks out of place or needs reorganizing.
GABRIELLE
Sure thing.
With a new directive, Gabrielle began walking along the various shelves with a piece of paper and a quill in hand as she looked at the various scrolls and books, scribbling down notes on anything she saw that might have needed work.
GABRIELLE
(Talking to herself) Hm this looks pretty good here.
Gabrielle scanned one of the tall shelves that she stood between as she confirmed that everything looked to be in order before turning around to check the other shelf that had been behind her. She slowly walked along the length of the shelf, keeping her eyes on the scrolls in search for anything that looked out of place. Her focus zeroed in on her task at hand, Gabrielle hadn't even noticed when she neared the end of the shelf and suddenly found herself walking right into something that didn't give an inch when she bumped into it.
GABRIELLE
Oof.
Thinking quickly that she hoped Sara hadn't seen her do something so ridiculous, Gabrielle stepped back from whatever she had bumped into and felt her nerves immediately kick in as she saw the Conqueror standing directly in front of her.
GABRIELLE
My lord, I didn't see you there.
XENA
You know, it might be a good idea for you to watch where you're going.
GABRIELLE
(Slightly nervous tone) I'm sorry. I was just looking to see if I had to fix anything on this shelf, and I wasn't expecting anyone else to be in here aside from Sara and myself.
Xena raised her eyebrow.
XENA
Well the last I checked these were my archives.
GABRIELLE
(Slightly nervous tone) Yes of course. I wasn't implying that you or anyone else shouldn't be in here I just...
XENA
Relax, it's alright. I wasn't serious.
Gabrielle breathed a small sigh of relief.
GABRIELLE
Oh. Sorry. I guess I couldn't tell.
XENA
Well I'm not exactly known for my sense of humor.
Xena smirked slightly.
XENA
But I didn't come here to discuss my sense of humor. Or should I say typically lack there of.
GABRIELLE
Of course. What did you need my lord? Just let me know and I'll go find it for you.
XENA
That won't be necessary. I already found what I came here for.
Xena began to turn around as she continued to speak.
XENA
Now if you'll come with me...
Xena paused as she realized how commanding she unintentionally sounded and quickly continued In a much softer tone.
XENA
Please.
Slightly surprised by Xena's uncharacteristic politeness, Gabrielle couldn't help but be curious as to what she could've wanted as if the Conqueror needed her for scribe duties, the woman would have simply told Gabrielle as such. So with the uncertainty of why Xena had summoned her, Gabrielle followed the woman out of the archives and to Xena's study.
XENA
Go ahead and make yourself comfortable.
Xena motioned for Gabrielle to go take a seat as the two entered the room and Xena shut the door while Gabrielle walked over to a chair that sat opposite to the one behind Xena's desk.
GABRIELLE
You don't want me to get some paper?
Confused just for a second by Gabrielle's question, Xena realized that typically when Gabrielle was summoned to her study, she was there to act as her scribe and silently chuckled to herself at the reasonable the confusion.
XENA
No need. I just brought you here today to talk. Can I get you anything? A drink?
GABRIELLE
No, thank you.
Gabrielle sat down as Xena walked over and poured herself a bit of wine thinking that it might help calm the nerves she had been doing everything she could to keep hidden as she took a sip from her goblet before walking over to sit across from Gabrielle as she placed her drink on the desk.
XENA
So I can see that you appear to be doing very well in the archives.
Xena started speaking, unsure of how exactly she should begin trying to bring up what she had actually brought Gabrielle there to say.
GABRIELLE
Yes. Sara's wonderful to work with and makes getting things done so easy.
XENA
Really? Because from what I've heard it seems like you're the one actually making her life easier.
GABRIELLE
Oh, well I'm sure she's just being nice. I'm really just doing what she tells me.
XENA
Hey now. You really shouldn't sell yourself short like that. I'm very well aware of all the hard work you've done, and I want you to know that I appreciate the amount of effort you put into both that and being my personal scribe.
Gabrielle sat there surprised by the unexpected compliment from the Conqueror.
GABRIELLE
Thank you my lord. I'm glad to hear that you think I'm doing a good job.
Xena gave Gabrielle a slightly curious look.
XENA
Did you think I didn't?
GABRIELLE
I thought so. But then you came to the archives today and told me to come with you.
Gabrielle looked down.
GABRIELLE
So I thought maybe I had done something wrong.
Gabrielle's eyes lowered as Xena sat looking across the desk at her, as she never realized until that moment just how afraid the young woman appeared to be of her at times. A fact that left Xena questioning yet again if what she was doing was even a wise decision. But at the same time tugged at her heart to do anything she could to hopefully change that.
XENA
No.
(Soft tone) No you haven't done nothing wrong at all.
Xena stood up.
XENA
Gabrielle I...
Xena paused as she saw Gabrielle look back up at her with an uncertain expression in her eyes.
XENA
(Sighing) Hades I'm not good at this sort of thing.
Gabrielle watched as Xena walked from behind her desk, came up beside the chair that she sat in and turned itso the young woman was facing her as squared down to eye level right in front of her.
XENA
Listen, I don't know the right way to say this, and I'm sure at the end of the day it probably doesn't even matter anyway. But...
Xena paused just for a moment as she and Gabrielle locked eyes, and she had to silently remind herself to keep speaking before she got completely lost in the sea of green that was reflectingback at her in anxious anticipation for her to continue.
XENA
Well what I wanted to tell you is that when I look at you, there's something within me that never wants to look away. I see you and... I feel something deep within me awaken that I thought had died long ago. And though I know that this is likely the last thing you could've ever expected or wanted to hear from me of all people and that the chances of you ever feeling a similar way about me is near impossible at best, I just couldn't keep going on without... letting you know how I really felt.
With a gentle touch, Xena cautiously placed her hand over the back of Gabrielle's that was resting in the young woman's lap as the Conqueror continued.
XENA
It's hard for me to describe what I've come to feel for you, but over the time since you've been here, through the kindness you've shown me when you didn't have to, the way you haven't allowed the circumstances of everything that's happened to you to change who you are. The way you care for everyone you're around. Including myself. Something that I know isn't an easy thing to do. It's because of all of that, and so much more that I don't really know how to say that's made me to come to realize just how much I've grown to care for you. And as much as I tried to ignore the way that you make me feel when I'm around you, I've recently realized that doing that has just simply become impossible. Which is why as much as I've tried over the past months it's just become too much for me to carry on, trying to fool myself into believing that I don't feel the way I do. Because the truth is Gabrielle,
I love you.
The room fell quiet as the final words of Xena's confession met Gabrielle's ears and Xena watched as the young woman sat there, appearing to process what she had just heard for a long moment until finally finding her voice once again after being stunned into a brief silence.
GABRIELLE
You, love me?
XENA
Yes.
The revelation of Xena's feelings for her at last out in the open, Gabrielle was left uncertain of what to make of such an unexpected confession. Was this some type of trick? A test of some kind to see how she would react? Gabrielle wasn't sure. But as she looked into the eyes of the other women that appeared to be filled with an anxious yearning that Gabrielle had never seen before. A look that gave her the sense that the words the Conqueror had just spoken to her were not only true, but had come from the deepest depths of the woman's heart. But having no idea of how exactly to feel or how she should feel about the other woman's feelings toward her, Gabrielle found a whole host of questions come to the forefront of her mind as she slowly pulled her hand from under Xena's still trying to make sense of what she was hearing.
GABRIELLE
Wait, is that the actual reason why you came to the Amazon's after I had gone with them?
Xena stood up and grabbed a chair from nearby and moved close to Gabrielle as she sat facing her and answered the young woman's question with one of her own.
XENA
What if it was?
The words that Gabrielle was hearing from the Conqueror began to fully set in as she remembered the way that the woman had been so opposed to her leaving with the Amazon's in the first place. Which now with the knowledge of how Xena had apparently already felt about her made the woman's reaction make so much more sense. And as such caused yet another question to be added to the mental list that Gabrielle had been keeping about Xena since they had met.
GABRIELLE
Because if you really felt this way before I went with the Amazon's, why didn't you say something then?
XENA
Would it have mattered?
Gabrielle looked away slightly for a moment.
GABRIELLE
No, I guess it wouldn't have.
XENA
I see.
Hearing the response to the question, Xena felt as though now she also had the answer to another that she had yet to ask as she stood up and moved her chair back without saying another word as she heard Gabrielle speak up again.
GABRIELLE
If I may ask my lord, why tell me all this? We're you expecting...
XENA
Nothing.
Xena turned to face Gabrielle once again as she cut the young woman off mid-sentence, fearing that the younger women had gotten the wrong idea from their conversation.
XENA
I don't expect anything from you by telling you this.
Gabrielle watched as the Conqueror moved to her desk a began looking through the papers that sat in a small stack on it, keeping her eyes on the items in front of her as she continued to speak.
XENA
You've given me an answer to the question I had so you have no need to concern yourself with this matter any further. You're free to go about your business now.
Unsure of if Xena was being sincere in telling her that she wasn't in trouble for giving the woman a response that she wanted, Gabrielle stood and slowly moved toward Xena at her desk.
GABRIELLE
Are you truly not angry with me?
Gabrielle watched Xena who had her back to her as the Conqueror kept her attention on the items in front of her
XENA
No don't worry, you aren't in any kind of trouble for giving me your honest answer,
GABRIELLE
My answer to what?
XENA
Nothing. Now go on.
Xena casually motioned to the door for Gabrielle to leave and returned to her work as Gabrielle stood there watching Xena for a moment still not knowing what to make of the conversation the two just had, but then finally turned away to leave the Conqueror's study. Hearing the door shut behind Gabrielle as she exited the room, Xena raised her eyes to look at the door that Gabrielle had just left through.
XENA
(Thinking to herself) What were you expecting Xena? You're nothing but a damn fool to think that she would ever feel anything for you. What were you thinking would happen? Someone like her could never find a reason to feel anything but fear and hatred for someone like me. And why wouldn't she? After all the things I've done, maybe I didn't deserve to be loved by someone like Gabrielle. Or maybe anyone.
Xena let out a defeated sigh as she tossed the paper she was holding on the desk in front of her and sat there with a heavy feeling in her chest that she had never expected to feel at the rejection of another. But as the Conqueror sat in her study seemingly alone in her thoughts and feelings, what Xena didn't know was just what was actually going through Gabrielle's mind. Because as the young woman walked away from the Conqueror's quarters, Gabrielle would find herself unable to forget the interaction that had taken place between herself and the Conqueror. An interaction that had shown Gabrielle an uncharacteristic and surprisingly open side of Xena that she never knew was there. And as the winter carried on at the keep, the coming days, weeks and months would see a new side of Xena that not only Gabrielle but no one else in the keep would be able to believe.
TO BE CONTINUED...